07x20 - Andy's Old Girlfriend

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Andy.

Hey, Andy.

What's up, Howard?

Boy, have I got
a surprise for you.

Yeah?

Brace yourself.

Oop, I'm braced.

An old friend of yours
is back in town.

No kidding.

Get set.

Who? I'm set.

Alice Harper.

Alice Harper?

Yeah.

No kidding.

Yeah. I ran into her.

She said she came
by here to see you

but you were out.

Oh.

Gee, Alice Harper.

That's been a long time.

Yeah.

Almost ten years
since she left town.

She's pretty as ever.

Put on a pound or two, too.

In the right places?

Oh, well...

Gee, it'll be good
to see Alice again.

Yeah, she was going
by your house.

She wanted to say hello
to aunt bee.

Oh.

Hey, Andy, you know
who's back in town?

You'll never guess.

Alice Harper.

Alice Harper.

Oh, you know.

Yeah.

I just told him.

Bet I know
why she's back.

It's a free country.

She was born here.

She can come back
if she wants to.

That ain't
the reason.

You old dog, you.

I remember how friendly
you two used to be.

Never seen one
without the other.

Andy and Alice.

They used to say
the two lovebirds.

Right, Howard?

Well, there did seem
to be a bond there.

Hey... hey, Howard.

Howard...

Come to think of it

I remember you used
to have a crush on her, too.

Well, I always had the
utmost respect for her.

You had a crush.

Aw, come on, goober.

Yes, you did.

Well, I got to go now.

I'll, uh,
I'll see you later.

I'll see you,
Howard.

Crush.

You know, he was
crazy about her

but he always knew
she was your girl.

Goob, did anybody
ever tell you

you got a big mouth?

Yeah, but I don't pay
no attention to 'em.

Hey, Andy

do you think this
might cause any trouble

between, uh,
you and Helen?

Why should
it cause any trouble

between me and Helen?

Well, with Alice
being back in town

it's one of
them rectangles.

Triangles.
Yeah.

You been reading those stories
again, haven't you?

Well, I read this one
where this wife was jealous

over her husband's
old girlfriend.

Goob, Alice and I
don't mean anything

to one another anymore.

I know that,
you know that,

but what about Helen?

Boy, I bet it's fun
living in New York.

Oh, it is for
a while, Opie.

But I don't think you'd
like it as much as Mayberry.

Hey, Alice!

Andy!

Well... Alice.

Let me look.

Howard was right.

You're as pretty
as ever.

Aunt bee had to go
to the market.

I was supposed
to entertain miss Harper.

He's been doing
a fine job of it.

Miss Harper's going to stay
in Mayberry for good.

Uh-huh. I'm having the old
house cleaned and painted.

Well, how about that?

In three or four days,
I'll be able to move in

and settle down and become
a real mayberryite again.

Well, come over here
and sit down

and tell me about it.

What made you decide

to come back
to Mayberry?

Oh, I don't know, Andy.

Well, I've got the house.

I've got enough
to hold me for a while.

So I thought
I'd come back and try it.

Well, why not?

Where are
you staying

until the house
is ready?

At the hotel.

Aunt bee said
you're staying here.

Here?

I don't really
think so, Opie.

Aunt bee said for you
to go get miss Harper's bags

and not let her give you
any arguments.

Well, you heard
what aunt bee said.

We better go.

And aunt bee said
to be sure

they don't charge her
anything for the room

because she hasn't even
taken a nap on the bed.

Well, everything's
all set.

You can stay
as long as you like.

Oh, thank you, Andy.

Oh, the house is just
the way I remember it.

Well, I guess things
don't change much

in a little town
like this.

I guess so.

There you are.

No, not much.

No, no.

You know, it's awfully
nice of you, Andy

letting me
barge in like this.

Oh, come on,
you're not barging in.

You're just
more than welcome.

Well, it's been
a long time.

Well, it hasn't been
that long.

No, it hasn't been
that long.

Andy...

We did have some good
times together, didn't we?

Yes, we did.

We had some
fine times together.

Remember...
Remember...

Remember the first time
I ever took you to the fair?

Uh-huh. And we were
up in the Ferris wheel

and it got stuck
at the very top

and you started
screaming your head off.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Well, I didn't like
to be up that high.

Remember the time
that I rented that canoe

and took you right out
in the middle of the lake?

And you stood up in it.

Seemed like the
thing to do.

Dingdong. Anybody...?

Oh! Hi, Helen!

I'm sorry, Andy.

I didn't know
you had company.

No, no, come on in.

Come on in.

Helen, I'd like you
to meet Alice Harper.

She's an old friend
of mine.

Hi. How do you do, Alice?

This is Helen crump.

Uh-huh.

She's Opie's schoolteacher.

Oh!

Oh, if all your students
are like Opie

you really must enjoy teaching.

Oh, I do.

You're here
for a vacation, Alice?

No. No, I've
come back here to live.

Alice is
staying here with us.

Till her place is ready.

Andy was kind enough

to insist that I use
the guest room.

Alice is an old friend.

Yes, you mentioned that.

Uh, I wondered

if there wasn't something else
you'd like to mention.

Uh... we...

We were just reminiscing
because she is an old friend

and I hope you two
will get to know each other.

I'm sure we will.

It looks like we already
have something in common.

Yeah, well...

Please tell
your aunt bee

that Opie's
schoolteacher

returned her
muffin tin.

Uh-oh.

You better know,
uh-oh.

Helen, Helen, Helen,
you've got to listen to me.

The whole thing
was just a misunderstanding.

On whose part?

Well, on everybody's part.

Oh, you mean I was just
imagining the whole thing?

Of course you were.

Oh, then there really
is no Alice Harper.

Oh, no, no, no.

There is...
There is an Alice Harper.

It's just that Alice is
just an old friend of mine

that's all.

Oh, and I'm just Opie's
old schoolteacher

that's all.

That's not what I meant.

Is that really the way
you think of me?

Oh, no, no.

It's just...
When... I mean... no!

Hey, I have...

I have an I...

Well, I do have an idea.

I have an idea.

I'll get Alice a date

and then all four
of us will go out

and you'll see that
everything is all right.

And I know just who I'll
get, too... Howard sprague

because Howard has always
had a crush on Alice.

And she is pretty
and got a fine figure

and a good sense of humor
and she's intelligent.

Well, you take her,
and I'll go with Howard.

Oh, no, no. No. No.

No. Howard and Alice.

Howard and Alice.

They'll get along fine.

See? I told you
they'd get along.

Mm-hmm.

I knew they would

because Howard's always
had a crush on her.

Ever since I told him
we were coming to morelli's,

he got a book and started
practicing up on his dancing.

Wouldn't it be nice

if Howard and Alice really
did get to like one another?

Yes, it really would.

Hey! You two were really
doing all right out there.

Oh, indeed.

That was
really something.

Well, Alice is
an excellent dancer.

Thank you, Howard.

You're pretty
good yourself.

Well, I do enjoy
those Latin rhythms.

This has really
been fun tonight.

Hasn't it?

We ought
to get together

and have a picnic
or something.

Sounds marvelous.

Let's do that.

Yeah, that's
a fine idea.

I've got a better idea.

Andy, you remember
that cabin

that my family had
near the lake?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, nobody's using it.

Why don't we go
up there for the weekend?

There's one bedroom
big enough

for you and Howard

and Helen and I
can use the other one.

That's a wonderful idea.

Well, let's do that then.

I got just
a little something to do

but I can leave
around noon.

Is that okay?

Fine.
Fine.

To our weekend.

To our weekend.

There we are.

* there's nothing
you can take *

* to relieve
that pleasant ache *

* you're not sick,
you're just in love *

* I hear singing
and there's no one there *

* you don't need analyzing,
it's not so surprising *

* that you feel
very strange, but nice *

* I smell blossoms
and the trees are bare *

* your heart goes
pitter-patter *

* all day long,
I seem to walk on air *

* I know just
what's the matter *

* because I've been there
once or twice *

* I wonder why

* put your head
on my shoulder *

* I keep tossing
in my sleep at night *

* I need someone
who's older *

* a rubdown
with a velvet glove *

* and once more,
I've lost my appetite *

* stars that used to
twinkle in the skies *

* are twinkling
in my eyes *

* you're not sick,
you're just in love *

* I wonder why.

You was really b*ating it
out there, Howard.

Oh, yeah, well.

We ought to go
on the road, you know?

Marvelous!

Let's do another one.

Oh, what we ought
to be singing is

"goodnight, ladies."

Yeah, we got a pretty big day
ahead of us tomorrow.

Yeah, let's get a good
night's sleep and,

tomorrow, we'll climb
up chimney rock.

There's a place up there
I want to show you.

That sounds nice.

Mmm!

Goodnight, Andy.

Goodnight, Howard.

Night.

Well, goodnight.

Goodnight, Howard.

Howard, how long do you
generally brush your teeth?

Well, I usually give it

minutes in the morning
and at night.

Any chance of cutting it
a little short tonight?

Well, I was just finishing.

Oh, I know there are

lots of toothpastes
that prevent cavities

but I like
to wage my own battle.

Good.

Sometimes my throat
has a tendency

to dry up in the
middle of the night.

Oh, that can happen, yeah.

Well...

Hit the old sack.

Yeah.

I usually sleep
on my stomach.

Good.

Night.

Night.

Alice...

Andy... well, you scared
the heck out of me.

What are you doing out here
in the middle of the night?

Oh, I couldn't sleep.

The quiet kept
waking me up.

Oh... well,
that wasn't my problem.

Isn't it a
beautiful night?

Yeah, it really is.

Well...

I guess we better
be getting back

and get some sleep.

Got a big day tomorrow.

Andy Taylor, you're actually
afraid Helen might catch us.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's-that's not...
That's not it, no.

Oh, yes, it is.

No, no, it's not.

Yes, it is.

No, you... you always did like
to make jokes, didn't you?

Come on,
we better get back.

Okay.

Which way?

Don't you know?

No.

Well, you came...

And I came in over...

This...
No, it's this way.

It's this way.

I'm sure
it's this way.

Yeah, I'm sure
it's this way.

Go this way.

Huh?

Andy?

Hi, Howard.

I thought
I'd find Alice here.

Gee, I thought
I'd find an...

You mean Andy isn't
in his room, either?

Uh... w-w-well,
what probably happened was

he probably couldn't sleep
and went for a walk... probably.

Oh.

Of course.

That might be
what happened to Alice...

Probably couldn't sleep
and took a walk.

Uh, probably.

Well...

No sense in our losing sleep
just because they're awake.

Might as well go back to bed.

Yeah, just because
they'll be tired in the morning

is no reason
for o not being rested.

That's right.

Oh, well...

I am sleepy.

Me, too.

Might as well just
go on back to bed.

No use waiting
up for them.

No. No. No.

Well...
Goodnight, Howard.

Goodnight.

Phew!

Andy, I'm sure the cabin
must be in that direction.

It can't be
in that direction.

We tried that direction
two times.

- Do you know what time it is?
- .

: , fancy that.

That's not funny.
That's just not funny.

Come on.

Good. Good.
Good. Good.

Good. Good. Good.
Good. Good. Good.

What time is it, Andy?

Oh, I don't know
what time it is.

It's, uh, ooh, : .

Oh, boy.

You better know,
oh, boy.

Now, listen, we both know
how innocent that was

and that nothing happened,

but it might be a little
difficult to explain.

What do you want me to say?

Stop that.

Just stop that.
Stop that.

Okay.

Okay, now, stop that.
Now, here's what we'll say.

Um... uh, yeah,
w-we'll-we'll say...

We'll say...

Stop it.

We'll say that we
both woke up early

and wanted to
surprise them

and-and have breakfast
ready for them.

Oh, f...

Oh, good morning, Helen.

Morning, Alice...

Andy.

Oh, hi there,
sleepyhead.

We thought you were going
to spend all day in bed.

Well, you two
are certainly up early.

Well...

Alice is the early bird.

She was fixing breakfast
when I came in.

Weren't you, Alice?

Yes.
See?

How did you sleep?

Good, huh?

Oh, fine.

And you?

Great.

Great, great, great.

Slept just like a baby.

Never heard a sound.

Don't think I turned
over one time.

How'd you sleep?

Fine.

See
it's the air.

I don't believe I've ever slept
quite as sound.

Did not move a muscle.

How about you, Alice?

You asked her that.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Well...

Good morning, Howard.

Howard...

How'd you sleep?
Great, huh?

What'd I tell
you about it?

It's the air.

Air.

We got up early

and started
fixing breakfast.

We didn't want
to disturb you

and, so,
that's what we were doing

fixing breakfast.

May I see you
for a minute, Andy?

Well, sure.

Ex-excuse
us... Alice.

Excuse us, Alice.

Oh, boy, did I sleep,
did I ever sleep.

I don't believe I moved
a muscle all night.

Andy, you did
move a muscle.

I woke up last night,
and you were gone.

It never pays to lie.

Howard, I couldn't sleep
and I-I went outside

and nothing happened.

I just ran into her
in the woods and...

We got lost.

Oh, sure, sure.

It's the truth, Howard.

It's-it's the truth.

I... nothing. Nothing.

It's-it's the truth...

And-and, boy...

Just as long
as Helen doesn't know...

Helen knows.

What?

She woke up last night, too,
and found you and Alice gone.

Oh, boy.

Helen...

You have to listen
to me.

Howard, will you drive me
into town?

I-I can
explain everything.

I'll be waiting
in the car.

I'm innocent!

Maybe I can talk
to her, Andy.

You better talk
to Howard.

Now, Helen, Helen, you...
Helen, Helen...

Helen, you've got
to believe me.

All we did was we got lost,
that's all.

If Howard won't drive me
home, I'll drive myself.

Not without the keys,
you won't.

All right,
all right...

Let go of me!

Now, this is one argument
you're not gonna win.

Now, Helen, you've got
to listen to me.

Nothing you have to
say could interest me.

Well...
Now, Helen...

Helen.

Helen.

Hel...

Wait a minute.

Helen, where are you?

Oh, I'm over here.

Oh, there you are.

Are you all right?

Oh, y...
Well, y-yeah.

Oh, good, good.

Good. Uh, well

i-i-i just wanted
to be sure you were safe

and fine,
so I believe I'll see

if I can find my way
back to the cabin.

I'll see you.

Andy Taylor, don't you dare
leave me out here in these woods!

Well, if you
don't believe

it's possible
to get lost out here

well, land sakes alive,

you ought to be able
to find your way back.

Andy!

Well, what's the matter?

Are you trying to tell me
that it is possible

to come out in these woods
and get lost

and that it is barely possible
that some fella and some girl

might not be able to sleep
and that they accidentally

ran into one another
in the woods and got lost?

Is that what you're trying
to tell me?

Yes, sir, that's what
I'm trying to tell you.

Yeah...

In that case, miss crump,
it'll be my pleasure.

Thank you,
sheriff Taylor.

So you had a good
trip, huh, Andy?

Yeah, great.

Everything go all right?

I mean,
between the two girls.

Everything went fine.
So, you see, goob?

All those spicy stories
you were reading

are just fiction.

In a nice group of people,
those things don't happen.

Well, I guess not.

Well, I'm not reading
that kind of story anymore.

I'm reading
a different kind.

Oh, well, that's good.

Andy.

Mm

How long
have you known Helen?

About five years.

Did you know her before
she come to Mayberry?

No, why?

Where does she say
she comes from?

She comes from Kansas.

Well, I was reading
this story...

Now, this is true,
Andy...

It's about
this real normal woman

and she was
a schoolteacher, too,

and they found out she comes
from another planet.

Now, now, I'm not
saying Helen does,

but it might be something
to look into,

just to be
on the safe side.