BECKY: Oh, Jess,
this is gonna be great.
The boys' first night in their
new beds, golden footage.
Yeah, I can see it now:
"Nicky and Alex Katsopolis
are The Young and the Tired."
All right, here we go.
Lights, camera, cuteness.
Cuteness.
Either they're gone
or I left the lens cap on.
Both.
[NICKY AND ALEX LAUGHING]
JESSY: Daddy.
- Jess.
- They're under the covers.
- Two biggest bedbugs I ever saw.
- We found you. JESSY: Hey.
- Hi, Big Daddy.
- Oh, don't "Big Daddy" me.
BECKY: No.
- Don't "Big Daddy" me.
You are supposed to
be in your own beds.
Right. You guys
go in your own bed.
- No. Big bed.
- No big bed. You go in your bed.
- Big bed.
- Big bed.
Hey, now, I'm not
kidding. Get out of there.
[LAUGHING]
- Beck, cover me. I'm going in.
- All right.
JESSY: Look out!
- I'll head them off at the pass.
[DOG BARKING]
Don't forget this.
- Goodbye, Danielle.
- Goodbye, Michelle.
I can't believe camp
is over tomorrow.
Thanks for teaching
me how to para-spit.
Goodbye, Denise. I'm
gonna miss you so much.
But I live right down the block.
I know.
But now we can't scratch
each other's mosquito bites.
Ah...
Hey, guys.
Hey, Michelle. Have you said goodbye
to all your Chickadee bunkmates?
Not yet. There's
still just one more.
Goodbye, Gilbert.
I'd write you every day,
but you'd just eat the paper.
I know how you feel, kid.
I made a few good
friends myself this summer.
David, Billy, Shawn, Greg.
Good thing I played hard to get.
Okay, girls. Attention, attention.
Lights out in five minutes.
It's important to get plenty
of sleep the last night.
So we won't be tired tomorrow?
So us counselors
can party tonight.
All right.
[WHISTLING]
Speed it up, you
little twerp-sicles.
Better get back to your cabin,
blondie. Isn't it past your bedtime too?
You know, Kimmy, you could
use a little beauty rest yourself.
About a year should
bring you up to a "ugh."
[LAUGHING]
Male counselor
entering Chickadee bunk.
- Hi, Steve.
- Hey.
D.J., your husband's here.
- He's not my husband.
- Not yet.
Ooh...
Steve, it's the last night...
and you promised to tell us
the story about that maniac guy.
I don't know, guys. It's pretty scary.
You should all go to the bathroom first.
ALL: No! Come on! Tell us!
Okay, all right, I'll tell it.
[CHUCKLING]
It was a dark and stormy night.
Old man Cropsy
looked out the window...
and saw a bulldozer
bearing down on his cabin.
Oh, no!
He ran down to stop it...
but his foot got caught
in a broken floorboard.
The thunder was so loud that
nobody could hear Cropsy scream.
[SCREAMING]
[GASPING]
That bulldozer
buried him alive...
under a pile of rubble and mud.
You know what they built
right where Cropsy's cabin was?
This camp.
So now, whenever it rains, out
of the slimy sludge it comes...
just looking for
scared little campers.
Half man... half mud.
The Cropsy maniac!
Gee, I hope I didn't
scare anybody.
Not me.
I was just looking for a sock.
[NICKY LAUGHING]
JESSY: Have mercy.
Jess, you look kind of
tired. Rough night last night?
Yeah. Twins wouldn't sleep in their
new beds. They had to sleep with us.
Ever spend the whole
night with a toe in your ear?
Well, not someone else's.
How's the "welcome
home" meal coming?
Oh, perfect. I made
all the girls' favorites.
- They'll love it.
- Oh, I miss those girls so much.
I must've read Michelle's
postcard a hundred times.
"Dear family, I have to write
this or I can't go to lunch.
Love, Michelle."
That munchkin.
That's the first time I got
through without crying.
What are you, a stone?
They're back.
- Hello. D.J.: Hi.
[SCREAMING]
- Hey!
- Hey!
- Hey, you guys are back.
- Hey, guys.
D.J.: Hey. Hi.
JESSY: Hi, you guys. D.J.: Hi.
All right, girls, tell
us all about camp.
- It was great.
- We had the best summer.
- We went swimming, fishing and canoeing.
- It was so much fun. It was great.
Maybe I'll just send
for the transcripts.
Nicky, Alex, I made you guys
a present in arts and crafts.
Here's a lion for Nicky because
that's his favorite animal.
And a lion for Alex...
because that's all they
taught us how to make.
All right, guys. What
do you say to Michelle?
[IMITATING LION ROAR]
That is Lionese for
"Thank you very much."
All right, Beastie Boys, even
kings of the jungle need a nap...
so let's get you
into those beds.
- Big bed.
- Big bed.
No, not the big
bed. Your own beds.
- No, big bed.
- No.
- Big bed.
- Well, those new beds are a big hit.
Speaking of big hits, you
girls better brace yourselves...
for the ultimate in
homecoming celebrations.
And hold on to your knapsacks...
because for lunch, I have
made all your favorites.
You mean chipped
beef and bug juice?
We love that stuff.
Guys, Joey can't make
that. That's camp food.
Besides, no one can
make it like Greasy Abe.
That's funny, I don't remember
any Greasy Abe on the brochure.
What's important is we're all together
and we're all having a great time.
Right, munchkin?
Uncle Jesse, could you please
not call me "munchkin" anymore?
Why? I've called you "munchkin" for years.
You've been my munchkin since day one.
Yeah, but everybody at
camp called me Trail Mix.
Trail Mix? That's
cute, if you're a raisin.
What was that, Uncle Jesse?
Oh, I said, "It's amazing how
cute that name actually is."
Uh, would you guys excuse me?
I've gotta write a letter to
David, Billy, Shawn and Greg.
Those sound suspiciously
like boys' names.
[IN ENGLISH ACCENT]: By Jove, I
think you've cracked the code, governor.
Well, I have to go call Steve.
This is the longest we've
been apart all summer.
Wait a second, girls. This is the part
where we're supposed to talk and rebond...
and say how much
we missed each other.
Dad, we missed you too, but
can we do that bonding stuff later?
Yeah, I gotta go unpack and see
if my clothes still smell like camp.
[SINGING]: We love Camp
Lakota, Lakota, Lakota
The camp that we
love is Lakota, Lakota
Did we mention
that we love Lakota?
I don't get it. When I was a kid and
I came back from Camp Metalarc...
I couldn't wait to be
home. I was so happy.
I kissed my parents. I kissed
my bed. I kissed the floor.
Danny, it was a day camp.
Yeah, but it was
a very long day.
Steph, do you have
those sandals I lent you?
No, but I know where they are.
- Great, where are they?
- At the bottom of the lake.
I told you they wouldn't fit.
It's not my fault
you have big feet.
- Well, you shouldn't have...
- You should know...
- Well, I'm not gonna lend you...
- Quiet! You're scaring Gilbert.
Sorry, Michelle. We
didn't mean to scare...
- Gilbert?
- Gilbert?
Floppy-eared, sniffle-nosed,
carrot-breath Gilbert?
Easy. He's very
sensitive about his breath.
You were supposed to
let him go at the camp.
I tried, but he didn't want
to. It was his decision.
Oh, come on.
It's true. I asked him if he wanted to
go back to the woods, and he went:
Yo, yo, yo, laundry patrol.
All right, I've been
waiting for three
weeks to att*ck these
stubborn grass stains.
Girls, I've missed you so much.
We have so much catching up to do.
All right, we've got your
darks. We've got your lights.
We've got...
a rabbit.
- Why are you holding a rabbit?
- Because he likes to be held.
His name is Gilbert. He had a
broken leg when we found him.
We nursed him back to health, and Michelle
was supposed to set him free in the woods.
Way to go, Trail Mix.
Male counselor entering
Chickadee bedroom.
- Steve. STEPH: Hey, Steve.
Steve, sorry to break up the
reunion, but you guys just got home.
- Don't you wanna see your folks?
- Oh, I saw them already.
They look pretty much the same.
Hey, Gilbert,
how's it twitching?
DANNY: Michelle, honey...
look, I'm sorry, but you
know Gilbert can't stay here.
- He belongs with his friends.
- But I am his friend.
No, you know what I mean.
I mean his forest friends...
you know, the ones with fur and
four legs, who breed indiscriminately.
Honey, you know where he
belongs, and it's not in a gym bag.
I know, Dad.
Gilbert, you need to go home.
I'll run the little furball
back up to camp.
Oh, I'll go with you.
- Me too.
- Me three.
- Wait a minute. You guys just got home.
- Oh, come on, Dad. It's just an hour away.
- Please.
- Come on.
- Please, please.
- Okay, okay. You can go.
- Thank you, Dad.
- You're welcome.
This is great. We were so
bummed out about leaving camp...
but now we can go back.
Let's move it.
- See you. Bye.
STEVE: Well, goodbye.
When you guys come back, we're gonna
have some quality time together, okay?
Welcome home, girls.
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
Well, we're wet, but we're back.
It looks so weird in here.
Everything looks so different.
Well, that's because
we're not here anymore.
Sure feels like we're here.
Fine, we're here. Let's just
dump the bunny and split.
Uh, guys, somebody's missing.
Gilbert chewed
right through the box.
Boy, isn't that
just like a rabbit?
I never got to say goodbye.
Steve, we have a
problem. Gilbert escaped.
Oh, Michelle,
I'm really sorry...
but I'm afraid we've got
a bigger problem now.
My car is stuck in a
huge, slimy mud puddle.
Oh, no. He's out there.
- Who's out there?
- Hello? Mud.
Cropsy maniac, remember?
Michelle, that's just a story.
I hope Cropsy knows that.
JESSY: Okay, come on now.
Now, let's get the boys to S-L-E-E-P,
so we can get the H-E-C-K O-U-T.
Okay, but F-I-R-S-T
W-E S-H-O-U-L-D...
Hold on. Let me get a crayon.
Honey, never mind. Let's just
get on with it. I'm exhausted.
Me too. Okay, come on.
Let's go to sleep now. We're gonna
go to sleep in our racecar beds.
And we're gonna
race on to sleep.
[IMITATING REVVING CAR]
[NICKY LAUGHING]
Say, "Good night, Daddy."
- Good night, Daddy.
- Good night, Nicky.
ALEX: Night, Nicky.
- Okay, say, "Good night, Mommy."
- Good night, Mommy.
- Say, "Good night, Alex."
Good night, Alex.
Very good. Now, here we go.
We're going to sleep in our new beds.
- Bad bed.
- Yucky bed.
No, no, no. It's
not a yucky bed.
It's a nice bed, comfy
bed, expensive bed.
Jess, let's face it,
we're gonna be sleeping
like this for the
rest of our lives.
No way, Beck. They'll
be out pretty soon.
I'm fried myself.
Me too.
Good night, brother.
Good night, brother.
Whoa.
Stephanie, when is D.J.
and Steve coming back?
As soon as they push
the car out of the mud.
What if they bump
into you-know-who?
- Cropsy?
- Shh.
Michelle, there is
no Cropsy maniac.
That's just a story that counselors
tell kids to shut them up...
so they can go make out.
Oh.
[CREAKING]
Please be D.J. Please
be D.J. Please be D.J.
D.J.
Poor little Michelle thought
you were the Cropsy maniac.
How cute.
You can take your fingernails
out of my arm now, Steph.
[SIZZLING]
MICHELLE: The light.
Okay, that's it.
Where's my coat?
Taxi!
Don't worry. Steve's
calling for help right now.
STEVE: No, he's not. ALL: Ah!
- Don't do that.
- I'm sorry. I came in the back door.
Look, the storm blew
all the phone lines down.
[WATER SPLASHING]
[ROARING]
- What was that?
- It was probably just the wind.
Just the wind? Just the wind?
It's never just the wind!
STEVE: Hey, I think
somebody's out there.
It's Cropsy!
- I have an idea.
Ready? STEPH: Yeah.
D.J.: Grab on. STEPH: Okay.
STEVE: Don't worry, girls. I was
on the wrestling team for two years.
Uh, three years
would've been better.
Run for it, girls!
Steve!
DANNY: Whoa, whoa,
girls! Girls, it's Dad! It's me!
It's me.
STEVE: Dad, Steve just
captured the Cropsy maniac.
DANNY: Oh, no.
Steve, Steve, Steve. I think
you captured the wrong maniac.
Huh? Oh, hey,
Joey. How's it going?
He fell in the mud.
Oxygen, brain.
Everything getting dark.
Oh, sorry.
DANNY: Joey, you okay?
JOEY: Mommy? I'm fine, Mommy.
DANNY: Girls, are you guys okay?
- Yeah, we're fine, Dad.
What are you doing here?
DANNY: Well, I guess you know
that you left something at home.
Here you go, sweetheart.
MICHELLE: Gilbert!
Hey, the power's back on.
And look. The rain's letting up.
- Let's get out of here.
- Fast.
Why did we come back here?
I think you were thinking that
this was a place that you loved.
Then when you came back here,
you realized that it wasn't the same...
and you're kind of let down,
huh? Know what it's like?
It's like when you go to the
movies, when the show's over...
you know the magic's all gone.
All that's left is just a big
empty room with a sticky floor.
So this is it.
Summer's really over.
Come on, Gilbert.
Back to the forest.
Time for you to go home.
Honey, it's time for
all of us to go home.
Come on, everybody.
Okay, some more fresh
s'mores, hot out of the fire.
Okay, careful, Michelle,
okay? They're still hot.
Ooh, these are hot.
Yeah, well, I bet Greasy Abe
never made s'mores like these.
Okay, here we go.
Drinks for everybody.
- All right. DANNY: All right.
Now, where the heck
are those s'mores, huh?
Joey!
[LAUGHING]
I think I just found them.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
JESSY: Get down.
Get down. Here. Here.
Here. Get down. Get down.
Foam on the landing strip.
Foam on the landing strip.
- I can't resist.
- What? What?
DANNY: You know what
we need now? BECKY: What?
- Six spoons. That's...
- Oh, no!
JOEY: Oh. DANNY:
Here, let me... Let me, uh...
- You know what? You better do this.
- Okay, all right. I agree.
You know, we had fun at camp,
but we really missed you guys.
You mean it? You're
really happy to be home?
Of course we are.
We didn't hurt your feelings,
talking about camp and all?
No, no, no.
We're really sorry.
- Thanks, Dad.
- Don't hug back there. You might...
D.J.: Hey. BECKY: Welcome home.
It's nice to have
you back, Trail Mix.
Uncle Jesse, if it's okay, could
you call me "munchkin" again?
- Okay, "munchkin again."
- Uncle Jesse...
I love you, munchkin.
Okay, who wants
something to drink?
STEPH: Oh, I do.
D.J.: Thank you.
JOEY: Here you go. JESSY:
Beck, you want some?
Hey, hey, hey, Comet!
Oh, quit it. There's a
man under these pants.
[COMET BARKING]
[STEPH LAUGHING]
I'm not having a good day.