10x06 - Ask Jeeves

[bunniefuu]

Dean: “The Lore.” Hunters. Men of Letters.

What a load of crap!

I'm a demon.

Dean: There's no point in trying to bring your brother back now.

Sam: This isn't even the real you I'm talking to.

Oh, it's the real me, all right.

Welcome back, Dean.

How you doing?

I'm good.

But I need to work.

If things go sideways -- I mean, like, an inch -- you gotta give me the heads-up.

Done.

We got work to do.

What is it -- what -- a-a spirit, demon, what?

This can't be possible.

Dragons, dude.

We're hunting a Djinn.

A freaking genie?

Well, then, what are you?

I'm a pishtaco.

A fish taco?

It's not a man-droid.

It's a shapeshifter.

Vampire pirates?

Vampirates.

Smurfs?

Fairies.

Fairies? Nipples?

Come on.

Bitch!

Tulpas require a ton of psychic energy.

[ As Arnold Schwarzenegger ] It's not a Tulpa.

It's Calliope.

I think I know what we're dealing with here.

It's the Stay Puft marshmallow man.

[ British accent ] Now, now.

I know it's a terribly sad day.

Bunny Lacroix was a good woman, a fair employer with a kind heart.

But there is work to be done.

In less than 24 hours, the Lacroix family will descend upon this estate for the funeral and the reading of the will, and it is our duty to make sure this manor's in tip-top shape.

We owe that much to Bunny.

Colette.

To the master closet.

I'd like you to select Mrs. Lacroix's wardrobe for the burial.

Olivia.

Please make sure all the lavatories are spotless.

Why do I have to --

Now, now.

You're still the new hire.

Colette has seniority.

Chop-chop. There's no time to waste.

[ Door opens ]

[ Door closes ]

[ Footsteps approach ]

[ Gasps ]

But...

Y-you're dead.

[ Whimpering ]

[ Gasps ]

Aah!

Aaaaaaah!

[ Rapid footsteps ]

What have you done?

♪ Supernatural 10x05 ♪
Ask Jeeves
Original Air Date on November 18, 2014

Hey, yo.

Individually brewed.

Technology, man.

Real men don't drink out of cups this small.

What is that -- “cinnamon roll”?

It's, uh, “glazed donut.”

Look, man, if you don't want it, I --

Nah, it's -- got it.

So, any leads on the scanner or the...Interweb?

Nothing -- not even a cat up a tree.

So right when we're ready to jump back into it, it, uh, goes radio silence.

Murphy's law.

Well, Murphy's a douche. [ Chuckles ]

Hey, feel like taking a detour to Connecticut?

What?

Found it while I was dustbusting.

One of ours?

It's one of Bobby's.

And, in total, 27 messages.

The only one that counts is from two days ago.

Apparently, Bobby's been named a beneficiary in Bunny Lacroix's will.

Bunny Lawho?

Attorney said she's an heiress, and Bobby's presence or next of kin is being requested in New Canaan.

I figured we qualify.

How did Bobby know an heiress?

Bobby had secrets, man.

Like loving on Tori Spelling.

If he only knew Dean cheated on her.

Anyway, road trip?

Who knows? Maybe Bobby earned us some beer money.

[ Engine shuts off ]

Wow.

Think we're a little underdressed?

I mean, the Fed threads are in the trunk.

You kidding me?

For once, we don't have to wear suits.

You're lucky my waistband's not elastic.

[ Doorbell plays “Fuer Elise” ]

[ Chuckles ]

May I help you?

I'm Sam Winchester. This is Dean Winchester.

We're here on behalf of Bobby Singer.

Mr. Singer won't be coming?

No. He passed away.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Uh, condolences for your loss, too.

Thank you.

Well, you just missed the funeral, but the family's relaxing inside, if you'd like to join.

[ Indistinct conversations, piano music playing ]

[ Clears throat ]

[ Conversations stop ]

Allow me to introduce Sam and Dean Winchester.

Sam and Dean Winchester of the Westchester Winchesters?

U-uh, n-- no.

I don't think there's...

Nah.

...Any relation.

Sorry.

No matter.

You two are... [ Inhales sharply ] ...adorable.

Oh.

Amber: The pink one. No. I mean the red one.

I'm Heddy, Bunny's cousin, and this is my sister, Beverly.

Charmed, I'm sure.

And that's Bunny's youngest brother, Stanton -- “Stan” for short.

Come on in, fellas.

Join the mourning.

And his child bride, Amber.

Go, Stan!

Babe, don't. You're breaking my concentration.

And then there's Dash. That's the baby of the family.

He's Bunny's great-nephew -- Harvard business.

How do you guys know Aunt Bunny?

We, uh -- we -- we -- we didn't personally know her.

Our -- our surrogate dad, Bobby Singer, did.

Did.

Bobby?

Never heard of him. [ Chuckles ]

But you can fill us in over the weekend, huh?

The weekend?

Didn't the attorney tell you?

Service was today, and the reading of the will tomorrow.

Oh, but you're welcome to spend the night.

All the rooms sleep two.

Or three.

[ Smack ]

Okay.

[ Chuckles ]

Where's Colette?

She quit.

Poor dear was so distraught over Mrs. Lacroix's passing.

Went off to find herself.

Ashram in India?

Uh, Clown College in Sarasota.

Mm. Good choice.

May I have a word with you in the hall in five minutes?

Sure. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. [ Clears throat ]

So [Clears throat] Sam...

[Chuckles] Tell me...

Do you...work out?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Billiard balls clack ]

[ Snootily ] Charmed, I'm sure.

[ Normal voice ] What are these people?

I think they're called W.A.S.P.S.

What? [ Clears throat ]

My apologies for being so oblique back there, but I'm doing you boys a favor.

O-okay.

As you know, Mrs. Lacroix bequeathed something to your Mr. Singer.

But the reading of the will isn't until tomorrow, and I would hate for you to have to stick around and be forced to -- well, mingle with the family.

Don't worry, Alfred. We know which one the shrimp fork is.

Kind of.

Oh, Mr. Winchester.

If you're implying that I don't think you're good enough, I-it's quite the contrary.

You're far too good.

The Lacroix family is -- well...

How shall I say this politely?

...money-grubbing leeches.

What are you talking about? I thought they were all loaded.

Loaded -- yes. Rich -- no.

The recession hit every one of them, and I'm afraid if they knew what Bunny left you, those vultures would try to stake claim.

And since the attorney kindly agreed to a hand-off, you don't have to be subjected to their scrutiny.

Do you have any idea how Bunny and Bobby knew each other?

Not in the slightest.

Um, now, if there's nothing else, shall I have Olivia show you out?

No, no. That's, uh -- we got it. Thanks.

Huh.

Kind of fancy to leave a guy like Bobby.

[ Chuckles ]

You thinking what I'm thinking?

If Bunny was banging Bobby, then maybe these rocks are real.

[ Chuckles ]

What do you mean it's not real?

The old bag was rolling in it.

Well, looks like the old bag's got a soft spot for fake rubies and cubic zirconium.

[ Groans ]

This is interesting, though.

It's a key.

A key to what?

There's one way to find out --

Ask Jeeves.

Beverly saw you sexting at dinner.

Bev doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.

I was texting my mom.

An emoticon of a peeled banana?

She likes fruit.

Just admit it -- you're cheating.

And you're drunk.

Not to mention paranoid.

Just like Lance.

He was always accusing poor Bunny of sleeping around.

Because she was.

My sister was nothing but a two-bit hooker in Chanel!

How dare you.

Your sister's dead.

[ Scoffs ]

What the hell are you looking at?

Good riddance to you both.

[ Deep voice ] Stanton.

What?!

Amber: I didn't say anything!

Stanton.

Stanton.

No! Aah!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[ Engine shuts off ]

[ Doorbell plays “Fuer Elise” ]

Everything okay?

Not really.

Yeah.

Thanks.

[ Doors close ]

I presume you gentlemen left something behind?

I'll check the front closet for...burlap.

I got news for you, Mr. Belvedere -- the jacket's canvas.

Uh... You two were here earlier?

Yeah. Who wants to know?

Detective Howard, New Canaan P.D.

Congratulations, boys.

You're now officially m*rder suspects.

I'm sorry. What?

Yeah, Bunny Lacroix's brother Stanton was k*lled this evening.

His body's just gone to the morgue.

And you think -- I don't know what to think.

And that's why you two and anyone else who stepped foot in this house today is being detained for questioning.

Beverly, let go of me!

It's so obvious she's guilty.

You're off your rocker, old lady.

“Old lady”?! I -- [ chuckles ] I'm 39.

And you have been since '03.

How -- how dare you.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but -- but who's guilty?

The town slut, Amber. She k*lled Stan.

And what's her motive, “m*rder, She Wrote”?

Oh, everyone knows that Amber was sleeping around.

She wanted to leave Stan, but her prenup was ironclad, so she k*lled him.

Sounds logical.

Well, unless you believe that ridiculous story that she's been peddling.

“A ghost k*lled Stanton” -- honestly.

Uh, a-a ghost?

She's claming that Bunny's late husband, Lance, did it.

Have you ever heard such a thing?

What a panic! So stupid.

You're nutty as a squirrel on those synthetic hormones.

“Nutty”? How appalling of you. Don't they teach you manners in Harvard?

So, uh...Looks like we might have a case here.

Vengeful spirit?

Yeah.

Think we can get to the car, get the EMF?

[ Scoffs ] Not with, uh, detective friendly.

Not a chance.

Guess we're gonna have to go old-school.

All right. Cold spots it is.

Yeah.

You stay here, keep an eye on Mrs. Peacock and Colonel Mustard.

I'll sniff around.

All right.

Heddy: For your information, I already own a big, beautiful yacht.

Dash: Oh, is that what you call that thing?

Fine.

It's a mahogany sunfish.

[ Door closes ]

[ Beverly and Heddy speaking indistinctly ]

Hey.

Got to say, for a family that just lost two members, you all...seem fine.

Well, Sam, I'll let you in on a little family secret.

We don't really like each other.

[ Chuckles ]

Then again, what family does?

Mine does.

Uh, for the most part.

It's just my brother and me, so...

Then you're lucky.

Trust me -- it's a miracle we've been under the same roof for 24 hours and haven't --

Oops.

[ Chuckles ]

My bad.

And, uh, w-why are you so sure Amber didn't do it?

Because Amber's not a k*ller. [ Chuckles ]

She has trouble using Wi-Fi.

I don't exactly think she's capable of m*rder.

[ Clank ]

[ Door creaking ]

And her story about the ghost?

I don't believe in ghosts.

That said, if anyone would come back to haunt, it's Uncle Lance.

Heard he was a real bastard.

No one really mourned his death -- except Aunt Bunny, who became a recluse after he d*ed.

So, maybe the old goat has a chip on his shoulder.

Who the hell knows?

[ Footsteps approach ]

Dash...

You're up.

[ Hurried footsteps ]

Dean?

Olivia?

Thank God. I thought you were him.

Him who?

Phillip -- the Butler.

He locked me in here because I wouldn't lie to the detective about what I saw.

What did you see?

[ Voice breaking ] I saw him roll Colette's body in a rug.

Clown College Colette?

The Butler k*lled her?

No, no. He just -- he just hid her.

Then who k*lled her?

I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I saw it with my own eyes.

Let me guess --

Lance's ghost.

No.

Bunny's.

[ Clock chiming ]

[ Clears throat ]

You know what?

Uh, excuse me.

No, no, stay.

Hey. So?

You seen the butler?

No. Why?

'Cause if anybody has answers, it's him.

We're dealing with two vengeful spirits.

Apparently, Aunt Bunny had a bee in her bonnet, as well.

Uh, husband-and-wife tag-team k*ller ghosts?

Well, got to keep the marriage alive somehow.

The key... is to a hidden attic.

Why would Bunny want Bobby to have a key to her attic?

I don't know. It gets weirder.

I found Olivia and Colette locked inside.

Clown College Colette?

Yeah, but she ain't studying balloon animals. She's dead.

Now, what does the butler have to do with all this?

He's the one who locked them in there.

Now, I don't know why, but he's covering for the spooks.

He's acting like their Renfield.

All right. We got to find him.

I'll take upstairs. You take down here.

All right.

Detective Howard: Sam Winchester?

Where did you run off to?

Well, well, well.

Mm. What do we have here?

Whatcha doing snooping around these halls, hmm?

Uh... [ Chuckles ]

Up to no good?

Why don't we get up to no good together?

You know, they say women just get better with age, like a fine wine or -- or cheese.

U-uh, I-I -- uh, I'm lactose-intolerant, so...

Oh, come on, Sammy.

[ Laughs ]

Don't be coy.

We have got a good 10 minutes before my interrogation, and I bet a young buck like you can do a lot in 10 minutes.

[ Breathing heavily ]

I'm right behind you.

[ Chuckling ] “Right behind me.” oh.

Could you just give me a hand with this zipper?

I always have such a hard time --

[ door creaks ]

Uh, leaky faucet's down the hall.

Cut the crap, Wadsworth.

What are you doing hiding dead maids in secret rooms?

I know it all looks rather...peculiar, but I can explain.

Dean: So, you hid Colette's body in the attic so that she wouldn't steal Bunny's thunder?

I couldn't stand the thought of overshadowing Mrs. Lacroix's funeral with another death.

She deserved a proper farewell. I owed it to her.

Well, that's crazy.

No, Mr. Winchester. That's loyalty.

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

[ Clears throat ]

[ Groans ]

[ Squishing, creaking ]

[ Dialing ]

[ Ringing ]

Sam: Dean.

Sam.

Yeah?

It's no ghost.

What?

It's a shapeshifter.

So, the shifter's getting its jollies by impersonating dead people.

Yeah. First Bunny, then Lance, now Phillip.

Guess we can rule out “the Butler did it.” and the creep just shed, so now it could be anybody.

Even you.

Or you.

We need to find some silver.

[ Gasps ] Oh, my God!

Hey.

He was like that when we found him.

[ Panting ] Who did this?

We don't know yet, okay?

Now, listen. Calm down.

I know you think he was working with ghosts, but there's something way worse going on here.

Worse than...

What is going on?

If you want to help, then help.

Can you do that?

Why do you need the silverware?

For protection.

Butter knives?

Trust us -- there's a method to our madness.

Can you, uh, hold this?

Dean.

All right.

Let's do this.

Beverly: No.

No.

[ Sighing ] No.

No! Ugh.

Wait, wait, wait. Go back.

He owned an island.

And a harelip.

Well, who cares if he's ugly if you're drinking Mai Tais in the lap of luxury?

[ Clears throat ] Hey. Hey, ladies.

Hi.

What are you doing?

Trying to find Beverly a man.

I've resorted to fishing online because the live ones won't bite.

You mean back there?

I-I was just playing hard-to-get.

Well, then...

You're a very convincing actor.

[ Chuckles ]

Come.

Sure.

All right. [ Chuckles ]

Sit here. Yes.

Ah. Oh.

Mm. [ Chuckles ]

Boo. I'm feeling so left out.

Well, then, uh... Come on in, darling. Water's warm.

Oh!

Ohhh, yes.

Oh. [ Sighs ]

[ Doorknob rattling ]

[ Gasps ]

Really?

[ Sighs ]

We...can explain.

Let me guess. You two got bored last Christmas.

New Canaan clambake, actually.

We were in line at the buffet, they ran out of steamers, one thing led to another, and, well...

[ Chuckles ]

But we didn't k*ll Stanton.

We may be guilty of cheating, but not m*rder.

Touch these.

What? Why?

Do it, or I go cards-up on your whole clambake.

Did...We pass?

Yep.

Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.

Come on, you two.

Did you see how long his fingers were?

There's -- there's just -- first of all, did you see this?

Look how long.

Dean: Should I come back when you're done?

Oh, he's -- he's -- he's calling to me, so...

And it's all going to hell right here, right now.

[ Heddy and Beverly continue talking ]

[ Heddy and Beverly laugh ]

Sorry to interrupt.

Bbbbt.

“Grey gardens” cleared.

Okay, well, so is Dash and Amber.

They're a thing, by the way.

Y-- yeah. W.A.S.P.S.

Well, so, that's everyone.

Except for --

[ Olivia screams ]

[ Both gasp ]

[ Breathing shakily ]

Dean: Well, we got a floater.

Great.

Yeah, he's a goner.

Drowned in a toilet? How filthy!

What kind of monster would do such a thing?

Don't look at me. I was just trying to pee.

Okay, hold on. Before we start pointing fingers --

Amber has motive.

She k*lled the detective because she knew that it was just a matter of time before he figured out she k*lled Stan.

Bravo, Rizzoli. You solved the case.

Want to weigh in, too, Isles?

I didn't k*ll Stanton or the detective, and I have proof.

Okay, guys --

My alibi is in this room.

Ooh. Wait for it.

Amber couldn't have k*lled the detective, 'cause she was with me.

[ Gasps ]

We're in love.

We're... sleeping together.

I knew it.

Well, then, you have motive, too.

You offed Stan because you were diddling his wife.

Ohh. The old lady doth protest too much.

You're only pointing the finger to distract from your own guilt, and you probably got Baby Jane to help.

[ Gasps ]

Well, I never! I'm leaving!

All right, hang on.

First of all, who talks like that?

Second of all, no one's leaving, okay?

Oh, get your hands off me, young man.

Okay, see, I don't trust anyone, and leaving just makes you look guilty.

Ohh.

Dean is right, okay?

We have four corpses now.

Four corpses?

Yes. You can add Phillip and Colette to the list.

Clown College Colette? But I thought --

She's dead, all right?

She's dead.

And we can't help you unless you stop arguing with one another.

You need to trust us.

Trust you? [ Scoffs ]

Uh, we don't even know you.

Look, buddy, I'm trying to be objective here, but we've had countless family functions before, and even though we wanted to k*ll one another, we never did.

Dash is right. Our get-togethers never end in m*rder.

The only thing different this time around is you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, first of all, whoa.

Whatever you're suggesting --

You two!

[ Both gasp ]

Let's go.

Don't even think about it.

[ g*n cocks ]

I...hunt pheasant.

Sit tight until the cops get here.

You don't want to do this.

We are your best sh*t at making it out of here alive.

We're not the bad guys, Dash.

I beg to differ.

You're wearing flannel.

Hey!

[ Door closes, lock clicks ]

Hey.

Keys.

No, it's locked from the outside.

Are you kidding me?

[ Grunts ] Great.

[ Keys clatter ]

“Made in Taiwan.” freakin' stainless steel.

So that's why no one sizzled? They're not even real silver?

[ Sighs ]

First, cubic zirconium, and now this.

No wonder the rich stay rich.

How we gonna k*ll this thing?

You know, we got silver b*ll*ts in the trunk.

Yeah, assuming we ever make it out of here.

I don't get it. Why would Sam and Dean want us dead?

Isn't it obvious?

They wanted our inheritance.

Guess whatever Aunt Bunny left them wasn't good enough.

For the love of god, Dash, put down the g*n before you k*ll someone!

It's okay.

I...Hunt...Pheasant.

Put it down!

[ Gasps ]

I knew those boys were trailer trash the moment they rolled up in that American-made.

Not to mention h*m*.

Ugh. h*m* murderers.

Like Leopold and Loeb.

Only hotter. mmm.

Oh. Call the police at once.

Oh, I don't think so.

[ Laughs ]

Excuse me, young lady?

k*ller or no k*ller, you're still on the clock.

[ Chuckles softly ]

You idiots couldn't be more wrong -- about everything.

Don't you know if it's not the butler, it's the maid?

Dean?

You got to see this.

We got played by the maid.

[ Grunts ]

[ Groans ]

Both doors are reinforced.

I'm not the maid.

Well, that explains the dust.

[ Chuckles ]

I'm Bunny's daughter.

What are you talking about? Bunny didn't have a child.

Oh, yes, she did -- a very devoted one.

I loved mother more than anything, which is more than I can say for any of you.

Then, where have you been hiding all these years?

The attic.

Like in the movie.

[ Sighing ] Oh, Amber.

Outside of mother, Phillip was the only one at the manor who knew.

So after she d*ed, he took pity on me, and he let me out.

He told me to pose as the new maid so I can hide in plain sight.

That's why you k*lled Colette -- for her job?

Oh, no, no, no, no. Colette was just an accident.

I just wanted to scare her because I caught her stealing.

Well, that doesn't explain wanting us dead.

None of us are thieves, huh?

On, no. You're worse.

Your greed, your disdain, your blatant disrespect for mother -- oh, you all had it coming!

But...why k*ll Phillip?

I mean, if he was on your side...

Because he turned on me.

After Stanton, he locked me back up.

Lucky for me, the cute, dumb one let me out.

g*n safe.

Hey.

Try these.

No wonder you were locked away. You're a monster!

Oh, you have no idea.

[ g*nsh*t ]

[ Both gasp ]

What in God's name --

Shut up!

[ g*n cocks ]

[ Footsteps approach ]

[ Amber screams ]

Stay here!

Did anyone else wet themselves?

You don't have a clear sh*t.

Neither do you.

k*lling you is the next best thing to k*lling Bobby Singer.

What's your beef with Bobby?

For starters, he k*lled my father.

Lance was a shifter?

Lance wasn't my father!

Mother had an affair with a shifter.

She got pregnant, told Lance I was his.

He bought it...

Until she brought me back from the hospital.

My real dad was waiting.

Lance put up a fight, but he was no match for a shifter.

And just as my dad was about to take me...

...the hunter became the hunted.

Bobby.

[ Breathing shakily ]

After Bobby k*lled my father, he came after me.

Mother pleaded with him to spare me.

He agreed -- under one condition.

That she keep you locked up.

For my safety and the safety of others.

Mother told the family she lost the baby.

And she locked me in the attic.

But she remained devoted to me until the very end -- even got Bobby to promise to take care of me if anything happened to her.

Wait a minute. Then, Bobby spared you.

You should be grateful.

For what?!

Keeping me locked up my whole life?

It would have been kinder to k*ll me.

Olivia...

You don't have to do this.

Being a monster is a choice.

That choice was made for me a long time ago.

Why haven't you taken a sh*t?

Oh.

You don't have any silver b*ll*ts, do you?

[ g*nsh*t ]

[ Gasps ]

[ g*nshots, casings clink ]

Yes, officer.

Yes, thank you very much.

Yes, no, you can't miss it.

Big house on the end of the street.

All right. Bye, now.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

Guys?

Police are on their way.

What a mess.

[ Chuckles ]

I owe you two an apology.

Don't sweat it.

I mean, you were just protecting your family, and...there's nothing wrong with that.

So, I spoke to Aunt Bunny's attorney.

He said, outside from the pendant, everything was left to Olivia.

Hey, you know what?

Speaking of that...

...you guys should keep it.

It's a key to the attic.

Bobby must have really meant something to Aunt Bunny.

How can we repay you?

You know what?

Just forget we were ever here.

[ Chuckles ] But you saved our lives.

I want everyone to know what heroes you --

Look, pal, the fact that we pulled your bacon out of the fire is nobody's business.

Okay?

Hey.

I'm serious, Izod.

Put a pin in it.

Or we'll come back for your preppy ass.

[ Engine turns over ]

Dean, what was that all about back there?

[ Chuckles ]

What are you talking about?

I mean... All those extra sh*ts after the shifter was already dead.

What was that?

I don't know. Target practice?

Come on, man. I'm serious.

You sure it wasn't... I don't know, demon residue or something to do with the Mark or --

No.

No, none of that.

Right.

[ Sighs ] Look, man, I got to be honest -- oh, my God, Sam.

It was my first k*ll since I've been back.

You know, I got a little anxious.

I wanted to make sure it was done right -- plain and simple.

It's -- why am I even explaining this to you?

[ Bob Seger's “Travelin' Man” playing ]

Dean, I --

♪ sometimes at night, I see their faces ♪
♪ I feel the traces they've left on my soul ♪
♪ those are the memories that make me a wealthy soul ♪
♪ those are the memories that make me a wealthy soul ♪