02x15 - Tall Tales

[bunniefuu]

2.15 Tall Tales

Air Date: 15 Feb 2007

Teaser

Note: The 'THEN' segment to this episode contains clips highlighting the brothers' prank wars and general namecalling of one another. "Jerk" and "Bitch" feature prominently.

EXT. CRAWFORD HALL - NIGHT

A middle-aged man in a suit and overcoat walks towards an impressive university building. Outside, a young attractive woman in a white dress is posed seductively, fixing her shoe.

PROFESSOR

Excuse me. Are you lost?

Girl: No. I've been waiting for you, professor.

PROFESSOR

Oh, are you in one of my classes?

Girl: Don't you recognize me?

PROFESSOR

We-ell, they're big classes. Anyway, my office hours are Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

Girl: Really? I was hoping I could see you now.

PROFESSOR

Um, well, since you asked so nicely. Come on.

INT. OFFICE - NIGHT

Girl: Such a handsome photo.

PROFESSOR

Oh, that old thing. So, what can I do for you? How's the (?) paper coming?

Girl: Um, professor, I, uh, I have a confession to make.

PROFESSOR

Oh? What's that?

Girl: I'm not really one of your students.

PROFESSOR

Really? Then why are you here?

Girl: (looks at him suggestively, then gets nervous)

Maybe I should just go.

PROFESSOR

Wait. I get it. I understand how you're feeling, and it's only natural. You are young and wide-eyed, and I'm somewhat of a celebrity around here. Don't get me wrong, you're a very beautiful girl, but it would be wrong of me to take advantage of you. I just, um, I just respect you too much.

He kisses her; her face turns hideously grey and rotted; he pulls back in horror.

PROFESSOR

Oh my god.

Girl: What? Don't you like me anymore? Don't you want me?

EXT. CRAWFORD HALL - NIGHT

A JANITOR locks the front door and walks away. A body falls behind him with a heavy crunch. He turns back to see the Professor dead on the steps.

TITLE CARD: SUPERNATURAL

END Teaser

ACT ONE

EXT. Hotel - DAY

Subtitle: One Week Later

INT. Hotel ROOM - DAY

Music note: In this scene, the radio is playing "Walk Away" by Joe Walsh

Sam is sitting on the couch looking through books; he rubs his face tiredly. Dean is sitting up on the bed behind him, listening to the radio and eating something messy (chili cheese fries?) from a disposable plate.

Sam: (annoyed)

Dude. You mind not eating those on my bed?

Dean: No, I don't mind.

(he eats another)

How's research going?

Sam: You know how it's going? Slow. You know how it would go a heck of a lot faster? If I had my computer.

Dean: (nods sarcastically)

Hmm.

Sam: Can you turn that down please?

Dean: Yeah, absolutely.

(he turns the music up louder)

Sam: You know what? Maybe, uh, maybe you should just go somewhere for a while.

Dean: (shuts off the radio and looks up, snappish)

Hey, I'd love to. That's a great idea. Unfortunately, my car's all screwed to hell.

Sam: Dean, I told you, I have nothing to do with-

He's cut off by a loud knock on the door. Sam stands and goes to the door; he looks through the peephole and then back at Dean, then opens the door. Outside is Bobby.

Sam: Hey, Bobby.

Bobby: (entering, hands in his pockets)

Boys.

Dean: (standing and approaching)

Hey, Bobby.

Bobby: It's good to see you again so soon.

Sam: Yeah, thanks for coming. Come on in.

Dean: (shaking Bobby's hand firmly)

Thank god you're here.

Bobby: So um, what didn't you want to talk to me on the phone about?

Sam: It's this job we're working. We weren't sure you'd believe us.

Bobby: Well, I can believe a lot.

Sam: Yeah, no, no, it's just, we've never seen anything like it,

Dean: Not even close —

Sam: And we thought we could use some fresh eyes.

Bobby: Well, why don't you begin at the beginning?

Sam: Yeah, um, all right.

Sam gestures to the bed; Bobby picks up the empty takeout tray and peers at it, sets it aside, and sits down.

Sam: So, it all started when we caught wind of an obit. See, a professor took a nosedive from a fourth story window, only there's a campus legend that the building's haunted. So we pretexted as reporters from the local paper.

FLASHBACK 1A (Sam POV) - INT. BAR - NIGHT

Sam is sitting at a table with a cocky jock boy (CURTIS) and a dippy attractive girl (JEN); he sets a voice recorder down on the table.

CURTIS

Yeah, we both had the professor for Ethics and Morality.

Sam: Yeah? So why do you think he did it?

JEN

Who knows? I mean, he was tenured, wife and kids. His book is like a really big deal. Then again...

(she leans in conspiratorially)

Who's to say it was su1c1de?

CURTIS

(scoffing)

Jen, come on.

Sam: (feigning surprise)

Well, what else could it be?

JEN

Well, you know about Crawford Hall?

Sam: No, I don't, actually.

CURTIS

It's a bunch of crap, it's a total urban legend.

JEN

Yeah well, Heather's mom went to school here, and she knew the girl?

Sam: Wait, what girl?

JEN

Thirty years ago, this girl was having an affair with some professor. He broke it off, she jumped out the window and k*lled herself.

Sam: You know her name?

JEN

No. But they say she jumped from room six-six-nine. Get it? You turn the nine upside down?

(Sam nods; the Boy laughs.)

So now she haunts the building. And anyone who sees her? They don't live to tell the tale.

CURTIS

Well if no one lives to tell the tale then how does the tale get told?

JEN

Curtis! Shut up!

Sam: You know what? Uh, thanks a lot guys. Excuse me.

ELSEWHERE in the bar, close in on three sh*t glasses filled with dark bLuish-purple liquid. Dean's hand slides into frame and takes one; he slams all three in succession. Sam approaches.

Sam: Dean. Dean, what are you drinking?

Dean: (burps)

I don't know, man, I think they're called purple nurples?

Sam: Okay, well listen. I think maybe we should go check out the professor's office.

Dean: Oh, no, no, no, I can't right now, I've got some... feisty little wildcat on the hook, I'm about to - zzzzp - reel her in. I'll introduce you.

PAN up fishnet stockings and a tight miniskirt to reveal a sloppy drunk, heavily made up blond girl.

Sam: Dean -

Dean: Starla! Starla, hey. This is my shuttle co-pilot Major Tom. Major Tom, Starla.

STARLA

(draping an arm around Dean)

Enchante.

Sam: Hi.

STARLA gags, covering her mouth, then looks up grinning.

STARLA

Sorry. Just trying to keep my liquor down!

Dean: Yeah! Good job.

(to Sam)

Hey. Good news. She's got a sister.

He leans back into STARLA's arm again, both of them grinning suggestively.

END FLASHBACK 1A

The scene freeze-frames as Dean's voice (present-day) cuts in.

INT. Hotel ROOM - DAY

Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute.

Sam: What?

Dean: Come on, dude, that's not how it happened.

Sam: No? So you never drank a purple nurple?

Dean: Yeah, maybe that, but I don't say things like "feisty little wildcat". And her name wasn't Starla.

Sam: Then what was it?

Dean: I don't know.

(to Bobby, taking up the story)

But she was a classy chick. She was a grad student, anthropology and folklore. We were talking about local ghost stories.

FLASHBACK 1B (Dean POV) - INT. BAR - NIGHT

The feel of the scene is very different - we pan up the girl's body again, but this time she's in black heels and a sleek black cocktail dress. She and Dean each hold a purple nurple and toast with them.

Girl: Here's to...

Dean: Here's to us.

Girl: My god. You... are attractive.

Dean: Thanks. But no time for that now. You need to tell me about this urban legend. Please. Lives are at stake.

Girl: Sorry, I just . . . can't even concentrate. It's like staring . . . into the sun.

She reaches up and pulls his head towards her for a slow kiss. Sam approaches behind them with an extreme Bitchface and his jacket slung over his shoulder.

Sam: (exaggerated prissy tone)

Dean! What do you think you're doing?

Dean: (smooth and casual)

Sam, please. If you wouldn't mind, give me five minutes here.

Sam: Dean, this is a very serious investigation. We don't have any time for any of your blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah Blah!

Dean leans in to kiss the Girl again as Sam continues blabidiblahing behind him.

Sam: Blah!

END FLASHBACK 1B

The scene freeze-frames again on Sam's face.

INT. Hotel ROOM - NIGHT

Sam: (sarcastic)

Right. And that's how it really happened.

(Dean shrugs)

I don't sound like that, Dean!

Dean: That's what you sound like to me.

Bobby: (staring at them)

Okay. What's going on with you two?

Sam: Nothing. Noth- it's nothing.

Bobby: No, come on. You're bickering like an old married couple.

Dean: (getting up and crossing to the kitchenette)

No, see married couples can get divorced. We're like, uh, Siamese twins.

Sam: (like it's something he's said many times before)

It's conjoined twins!

Dean: See what I mean?

Sam: Look, it,

(sighs)

We've just been on the road for too long. Tight quarters, all that. Don't worry about it.

Bobby: Okay.

Sam: So anyway. We figured it might be a haunting, so we went to check out the scene of the crime.

FLASHBACK 2 (Sam POV)

INT. CRAWFORD HALL - NIGHT

The JANITOR from the teaser lets Sam and Dean (posing as electricians) into the professor's office.

Sam: So, how long have you been working here?

JANITOR

I've been mopping this floor for six years. There you go, guys.

(seeing Sam's EMF reader)

What the heck's that for?

Sam: Just find a wire in the walls.

JANITOR

Huh. Wow. Not sure why you're wiring up this office. Not gonna do the professor much good.

Dean: Why's that?

JANITOR

(bluntly)

He's dead.

Dean: Oh. What happened?

JANITOR

He went out that window. Right there.

Sam: Yeah? Were you working that night?

JANITOR

I'm the one who found him.

Sam: You see it happen?

Dean sees a bowl of nuts on the side table and eats one.

JANITOR

No. I just saw him come up here, and uh, well.

Sam: What?

JANITOR

He wasn't alone.

Dean comes into frame, his cheeks stuffed with nuts. He's holding the bowl and continues eating them throughout the scene.

Dean: (muffled)

Who was he with?

Freeze-frame on Dean's chipmunk face.

Dean (V.O): Come on! I ate one, maybe two!

Sam (V.O) Just let me tell it, okay?

Scene starts up again.

JANITOR

He was with a young lady. I told the cops about her, but uh, I guess they never found her.

Sam: You saw this girl go in, huh? Did you ever see her come out?

JANITOR

Now that you mention it, no.

Sam: You ever see her before, around?

JANITOR

Well, not her.

Dean: (still muffled; Sam glares at him)

What do you mean?

JANITOR

I don't mean to cast aspersions on a dead guy, but uh . . . Mister Morality? He brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.

Dean laughs delightedly; Sam glares, JANITOR grins.

Sam: One more thing. This building, it only has four stories, right?

JANITOR

Yeah.

Sam: So there wouldn't be a room six-six-nine?

JANITOR

'Course not. Why do you ask?

Sam: Aw, just curious. Thanks.

INT. Hotel ROOM - NIGHT

Still part of the FLASHBACK - They return to the hotel and Sam sits at the table; Dean gets a beer out of the fridge for each of them.

Sam: Well, no traces of EMF, that's for sure.

Dean: And the room six-six-nine's a load of crap.

Sam: So what do you think? The professor's just a jumper? A legend's just a legend?

Dean: I don't know. I mean, the uh, girl the janitor described, that's pretty weird.

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: We oughta check out the history of the building. See if any co-ed ganked herself there.

Sam: Yeah, you're right.

(he opens up his laptop, then stares at the screen, confused.)

Dude. Were you on my computer?

Dean: No.

Sam: Oh really? 'Cause it's frozen now. On uh, Bustyasianbeauties.com.

(Dean frowns, winces, and retreats)

Dean! Would you - just - don't touch my stuff anymore, okay?

Dean: Why don't you control your O.C.D.?

END FLASHBACK 2

INT. Hotel ROOM - DAY

Bobby: But did you dig up anything about the building? Or on the suicidal co-ed?

Sam: No. History's clean.

Bobby: Then it's not a haunting.

Dean: Maybe not. Tell you the truth, we're not really sure.

Bobby: What do you mean, you're not sure?

Sam: Well, it's weird.

Bobby: What's weird?

Dean: This next part, we uh, we didn't see it happen ourselves exactly, but it's pretty friggin weird. Even for us.

FLASHBACK 3 (Dean POV)

EXT. CRAWFORD HALL - NIGHT

CURTIS walks alone through the campus. He hears a noise and turns, startled, then keeps walking, laughing at himself. He hears another noise and stops, looking straight up. He walks more carefully, hands in pockets. Suddenly a bright light whooshes on overhead and he cringes, arms over his head. He starts running, but trips and falls; a bright beam of light sh**t down and grabs him like a tractor beam, pulling him up. He screams and flails.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

INT. Hotel - DAY

Bobby: Aliens?

Dean: Yeah.

Bobby: Aliens?

Dean: Yeah.

Bobby: Look, even if they are real, they're sure as hell not coming to earth and swiping people.

Dean: Hey, believe me. We know.

Bobby: My whole life i've never found evidence of an honest-to-God abduction. It's all just cranks and pranks.

Sam: Yeah, that's what we thought. But...we figured we'd at least talk to the guy.

FLASHBACK 4 (UNCLEAR POV)

INT. BAR - NIGHT

Dean is seated next to CURTIS, who has three full sh*t glasses lined up in front of him. Sam is standing nearby. CURTIS takes a sh*t.

Dean: Hey, you ought to give those purple nurples a sh*t.

Sam: So, what happened, curtis?

CURTIS

You won't believe me. Nobody does.

Sam: Give us a chance.

CURTIS

I do not want this in the papers.

Dean: Off the record, then.

CURTIS

I, uh... I blacked out, and...I lost time, and when I woke up, I don't know where I was.

INT - MYSTERIOUS PLACE

We see CURTIS lying on a medical table, bright lights in his eyes. A blurry alien face appears above him.

Sam: [sitting]

Then what?

CURTIS

[flashing back and forth between the memory and the present]

They did tests on me. And, uh...

[takes another sh*t]

They, uh... They probed me.

[Sam turns his face away, struggling not to laugh]

Dean: They probed you?

CURTIS

Yeah, they probed me. Again and a-- Again and -- And again.

[takes another sh*t]

And again and again and again... And then one more time.

Dean: Yikes.

CURTIS

And that's not even the worst of it.

Dean: How could it get any worse? Some alien made you his bitch.

[he's smirking. CURTIS glares, Dean stops smirking]

CURTIS

They... They made me... Slow dance!

INT - MYSTERIOUS PLACE

Close on a rotating disco ball, pan down to a dance floor where CURTIS is slow dancing with a short alien figure.

INT - BAR

Cut back to Dean and Sam's reaction to this. Freeze frame, Bobby's voice cuts in.

Bobby: You guys are exaggerating again, huh?

END FLASHBACK

INT. Hotel - PRESENT

Sam: No no.

Bobby: Then this frat boy's just nuts.

Dean: We're not so sure.

FLASHBACK 5 (UNCLEAR POV)

EXT. CAMPUS - DAY

Sam and Dean are standing over a large, perfectly round scorch mark in the ground.

Sam: I'm telling you, Dean, This was made by some kind of jet engine.

Dean: You mean some saucer-shaped jet engine?

Sam: What else could it be?

Dean: What the hell?

Sam: I don't know.

Dean: Seriously, dude -- What the hell?

Sam: I don't know.

301

00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,600

I mean, first the haunting. Now this? The timing alone -- There's got to be some kind of connection.

Dean: You mean between the angry spirit and the sexed-Up E.T.? What could the connection possibly be?

FLASHBACK FREEZES

Dean (V.O): But what could we do? So we just kept on digging.

FLASHBACK RESUMES (Dean POV)

They are talking with another college student

Sam: So, you and this guy, Curtis -- You were in the Same house?

STUDENT

Yeah.

Dean: You heard what happened to him, right?

STUDENT

Yeah, he says it was aliens, but, you know, whatever.

Sam: [with exaggerated concern]

Look, man, I -- I know this all has to be so hard.

STUDENT

Um, not so much.

Sam: But I want you to know... I'm here for you. You brave little soldier. I acknowledge your pain. Come here.

[grabs him in a hug]

You're too precious for this world.

FLASHBACK FREEZES

INT. Hotel - DAY

Sam: I never said that!

Dean: You're always saying pansy stuff like that.

FLASHBACK RESUMES

STUDENT

Well, um... Yeah, uh, thanks.

[Sam releases him]

Thanks for the hug, but, uh, I'm okay. Really. To tell you the truth, whatever happened to Curtis, he had it coming.

Dean: Why is that?

STUDENT

He's our pledge master. Put us through hell this semester, and got off on it. So now he knows how we feel.

Dean: [to Sam]

It's okay.

INT. Hotel - FLASHBACK CONTINUES

[Dean and Sam return to their hotel room]

Dean: Still doesn't make a lick of sense. But, hey, at least there's one connection.

Sam: Between what?

Dean: The victims. The professor and the frat guy -- They're both dicks.

Sam: That's a connection?

Dean: You got anything better to go on, i'd love to hear it.

Sam: [looking in his bag]

Where's my laptop?

Dean: I don't know.

[Sam continues to search, getting more frustrated]

Think about it. A philandering professor gets a dead girl. A pledge master gets hazed.

Sam: I left it in here.

Dean: You obviously didn't. I mean, these punishments-they're almost poetic. Actually, it'd be more like a limerick, but still --

Sam: [approaching Dean]

Okay, hilarious. Ha ha. Where'd you hide it?

Dean: What, your computer?

Sam: Yeah, where'd you hide it?

Dean: Why would i take your computer?

Sam: Because no one else could have. We keep the door locked. We never let any maids in.

Dean: Looks like you lost it, Poindexter.

Sam: Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you.

Dean: What are you talking about? I'm a joy to be around.

Sam: Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink, your food in the fridge.

Dean: What's wrong with my food?

Sam: It's not food anymore, Dean! It's Darwinism. All I ask from you, the one thing, is that you don't mess with my stuff!

Dean: You done?

Sam: You know, how would you feel if I screwed with the Impala?

Dean: It'd be the last thing you ever did.

FLASHBACK FREEZES

INT. Hotel

Bobby: Did you take his computer?

Dean: Serves him right, but, no.

Sam: Well, I didn't lose it. 'Cause i don't lose things.

Dean: Oh, that's right, 'cause he's Mr. Perfect.

Bobby: Okay, okay. Why don't you just tell me what happened next?

Sam: There was one more victim. Now, we didn't see this one ourselves, either. We kind of put it together from the evidence. But this guy -- He was a research scientist. Animal testing.

Dean: Yeah, you know -- A d*ck, which fits the pattern.

FLASHBACK 6

EXT. CAMPUS - NIGHT

Research Scientist leaves a campus building, heading towards the street. He sees something shiny in the gutter and stops. He looks around cautiously, then gets down on hands and knees to see it better. It is a gold watch. He gets all the way down and sticks and arm through the gutter bars, trying to reach it. He struggles. Close on his face as something grabs him. He begins screaming and struggling as blood spatters on his face.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

INT. MORGUE - NIGHT

A window latch slides aside as Sam opens it from the outside with a small Kn*fe. Flashlights in hand, Sam crawls through the window.

Dean: Hey.

[tosses his flashlight to Sam, then climbs through. Dean opens a body drawer and shines his light through. He grimaces.]

Well, this ought to be quick.

[They slide the drawer out and gingerly peel off the bloody blanket, revealing extremely m*nled remains]

Dean: OK, That is just nasty.

Sam: Uh, yeah.

Dean: Mutilated?

Sam: Looks to me like something was hungry.

Dean: They identify him yet?

Sam: Yeah. A research scientist at the college. Guess where his office was, by the way. Crawford Hall, Same as the professor.

Dean: That's right where the frat boy had his close encounter.

Sam: Yeah. Hey, grab me that thing, would you?

[Dean slides a magnifyer/light over to Sam, who peers through it at the corpse.]

Thanks.

Dean: What is it?

Sam: Looks like a... A belly scale?

Dean: A belly scale? From what?

Sam: Uh... An alligator?

Dean: An alligator in the sewer. Come on.

Sam: What? Well, Dean, it's a classic urban legend. A kid flushes a baby gator down the toilet, and it grows huge in the tunnels.

Dean: But no one's ever really found one. They're not real.

Sam: Neither's alien abduction, but something chomped on this guy.

Dean: This couldn't get any weirder.

Sam: Maybe we should get some help. I'll call Bobby. Maybe he's run into something like this before.

Dean: Oh, I'm sure he has. Just your typical haunted campus, Alien abduction, alligator-in-the-sewer gig. Yeah, it's simple.

FLASHBACK PAUSES

Sam (PRESENT)

We decided to search the sewer anyway, so we split up, each taking one end of campus.

Bobby: Did you find anything?

Dean: Yeah, I found something, just not in the sewer.

FLASHBACK

EXT. CAMPUS - NIGHT

Dean emerges from the sewer and enteres the alley where the Impala is parked. All four tires are flat.

Dean: Son of a bitch!

[He circles the car and finds a money clip on the ground, engraved with "S.W."]

Dean: Sam!

INT. Hotel - DAY

Sam is reading a book as Dean enters.

Dean: You think this is funny?

Sam: It depends. What?

Dean: The car!

Sam: What about the car?

Dean: You can't let the air out of the tires. You're gonna bend the rims!

Sam: Whoa, wait a minute. I didn't go near your car.

Dean: Oh, yeah? Huh. Then how'd I find this?

[holds up the money clip. Sam pats his pocket, stands.]

Sam: Hey, give me back my money.

Dean: Oh, no, no. Consider it reparations. For, uh, emotional trauma.

Sam: Yeah, very funny. Now, give it back.

[reaches for it]

Dean: No.

Sam: Dean,i have had it up to here with you.

Dean: Yeah? Right back at you!

[Sam reaches for the money again; Dean avoids. Sam grabs at him again, tackles him to the bed. They struggle.]

Dean: Get off me!

Sam: Give it back!

FLASHBACK FREEZES

INT. Hotel - PRESENT

Bobby: Okay, I've heard enough.

Dean: You showed up about an hour after that.

Bobby: I'm surprised at you two. I really am. Sam, first off, Dean did

not steal your computer.

Sam: But I --

Bobby: Shh, shh, shh, shh! And, Dean, Sam did not touch your car.

Sam: Yeah.

Bobby: And if you two bothered to pull your heads out of your asses, it all would have been pretty clear.

Dean: What?

Bobby: What you're dealing with.

Sam: Uh...

Dean: I got nothing.

Sam: Me neither.

Bobby: You got a trickster on your hands.

Dean: That's what I thought.

Sam: What?! No, you didn't.

Bobby: I got to tell you... you guys were the biggest clue.

Sam: What do you mean?

Bobby: These things create chaos and mischief as easy as breathing, and it's got you so turned around and at each other's throats, you can't even think straight.

Sam: The laptop.

Dean: The tires.

Bobby: It knows you're onto him, and it's been playing you like fiddles.

Dean: So, what is it -- Spirit, demon, what?

Bobby: Well, more like demigods, really. There's Loki in scandinavia. There's Anansi in west africa. Dozens of them. They're immortal, and they can create things out of thin air. Things as real as you and me. Make them vanish just as quick.

Dean: You mean like an angry spirit or an alien or an alligator.

Bobby: The victims fit the M.O., too. Tricksters target the high and the mighty, knock them down a peg, usually with a sense of humor -- deadly pranks, things like that.

Dean: Bobby, what do these things look like?

Bobby: Lots of things, but human, mostly.

Dean: And what human do we know who's been at ground zero this whole time?

[Sam frowns, thinking, then gets it.]

INT. JANITOR's HOUSE - NIGHT

The Janitor is flipping through a copy of Weekly World News.

JANITOR

[Headline: 'AN ALIEN MADE ME IT's LOVE sl*ve']

Oh, that's a good one.

[Page: Alligator in the sewer]

[Page:... '...CHAINSAWS FAMILY... BODY PARTS STREWN OVER GRISLY SCENE']

We pan out to see the JANITOR [a.k.a. TRICKSTER]in a tacky swinger's pad: velvet armchair, wildly patterned walls, huge mirrors. He's wearing a white t*nk top and red satin boxers. He calls to a small, energetic dog, who comes bounding towards him.

TRICKSTER

Come here.

[picks up the dog]

Could you eat? I could eat. Come on.

He gets up and circles to the kitchen, holding a champagne flute. The kitchen table is covered in lavish sweets.

TRICKSTER

Something's missing.

[two scantily clad women appear behind him: one blonde, one brunette; he takes whipped cream on one finger and holds it out; the brunette on his left licks it off.]

That's better.

Woman: Mmm!

END ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

INT. CRAWFOR HALL - DAY

The Janitor/Trickster locks a gate with a key attached to his belt. Sam and Dean follow him up a staircase.

TRICKSTER

Sorry I'm dragging a little ass today, boys. Had quite the night last night. Lots of sex, if you catch my drift.

Dean: Yeah, hard not to. Listen, we won't be long.

[signals to Sam behind TRICKSTER's back]

We just need to check a couple offices up on 3.

TRICKSTER

No problem.

Sam: I, uh, forgot something in the truck. You know what? I'll catch up with you guys.

Dean: Okay.

[Sam waits until they're out of sight, then hurries back to the locked gate, pulling out his lockpicking tools. He enters, and rummages through lockers until he finds a copy of the Weekly World News in one.]

EXT. CRAWFORD HALL - DAY

Sam and Dean both exit the building.

Sam: Just 'cause he reads the Weekly World News doesn't mean he's our guy. You read it, too.

Dean: I'm telling you, it's him.

Sam: Look, I just think we need some hard proof. That's all.

Dean: Another thing Bobby mentioned was that these suckers have a metabolism like an

insect, a real sweet tooth.

Sam: I didn't find any candy bars or sugar. Not even Equal.

Dean: Probably missed something.

Sam: I don't miss things.

Dean: Oh, right, 'cause you're Mr. Perfect.

Sam: What? Are you really still pissed at me 'Cause of what the trickster did?

Dean: You been a tight ass long before that trickster showed up.

[from an upper window, Janitor/Trickster is watching them.]

Sam: Look, just...stay here, keep an eye on the janitor. I'll go to his place to see if I can find any actual evidence before you go barging in and staking the man! Just wait till I get back, okay? Okay?

Dean: Okay!

Sam leaves. Dean paces.

EXT. CRAWFORD HALL - NIGHT

Dean is still waiting impatiently.

Dean: Eh, screw this.

He enters the building, poking around cautiously with his flashlight. As he goes up the last staircase he puts the flashlight away and pulls out a large wooden stake. He hears something behind him, tucks the stake into his jacket, and enters the theater. On the stage is a round red bed with tacky canopy and a slowly rotating disco ball. The two women the Trickster materialized earlier are sprawled on it seductively. As he gets to the stage, they crawl towards him.

BRUNETTE

We've been waiting for you, Dean.

Dean: Y-Y-You guys aren't real.

BRUNETTE

Trust me, sugar, it's gonna feel real.

Dean laughs nervously

Blonde

Come on. Let us give you a massage.

Dean: You know, I'm a -- I'm a sucker for a happy ending. Really, I am, but... I-I'm gonna have to pass.

TRICKSTER

[sitting in the audience]

They're a peace offering. I know what you and your brother do. I've been around a while. Run into your kind before.

Dean: Well, then you know that I... can't let you just keep hurting people.

TRICKSTER

Come on! Those people got what was coming to them. Hoisted on their own petards. But you and Sam -- I like you. I do. So treat yourself... Long as you want. Just long enough for me to move on to the next town.

Dean: Yeah, i don't think I can let you do that.

TRICKSTER

I don't want to hurt you. And you know that I can.

Dean: Look, man, I -- I got to tell you, I dig your style, all right? I mean [Chuckles]I do. I mean... and the slow-Dancing alien --

TRICKSTER

One of my personal favorites. Yeah.

Dean: But, uh, I can't let you go.

TRICKSTER

Too bad. Like I said, I like you. Sam was right. You shouldn't have come alone.

Dean: Well, I'll agree with you there.

[the door slams shut. TRICKSTER looks back up the stairs to see Sam, just entered, with a large stake of his own. Bobby stands at the top of the next aisle, also with a stake.]

TRICKSTER

That fight you guys had outside -- That was a trick? Hmm. Not bad. But you want to see a real trick?

[A masked man with a chainsaw appears near Sam and att*cks. The brunette att*cks Dean. The TRICKSTER watches, entertained, as Bobby and Sam grapple with CHAINSAW Man and Dean fights the two women. They throw him into the seats near the TRICKSTER.]

TRICKSTER

Nice toss, ladies!

[stands]

Dean... Dean, Dean, Dean.

[Sam tosses a stake to Dean]

I did not want to have to do this.</i>

Dean: [stabs the TRICKSTER in the chest]

Me neither.

As Dean grinds in the stake, the WOMEN and CHAINSAW Man disappear. Dean pulls the stake out, and the TRICKSTER falls, apparently dead, into a seat.

END ACT FOUR

ACT FIVE

Sam and Bobby approach.

Dean: You guys okay?

Sam: Yeah. I guess.

Dean: All I got to say... he had style.

Dean groans, and they stagger outside.

Sam: Bobby, thanks a lot.

Bobby: Hey, save it! Let's just get the hell out of dodge before somebody finds that body.

Dean: Yeah

Sam: [pausing at the car]

Look, Dean, um... I just want to say that I'm, uh... Um...

Dean: Hey. Me too.

Bobby: You guys are breaking my heart. Could we please just leave?

Sam and Dean exchange a look over the top of the car, get in, and drive away.

INT. CRAWFORD HALL THEATER - NIGHT

A figure approaches the TRICKSTER's body and stands by it. The body shimmers and disappears; the figure is the TRICKSTER, who bites into a chocolate bar and smiles.

END ACT FIVE