09x15 - #THINMAN

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Supernatural". Aired: September 2005 to November 2020.*

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Two brothers follow their father's footsteps as "hunters" fighting evil supernatural beings of many kinds including monsters, demons, and gods that roam the earth.
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09x15 - #THINMAN

Post by bunniefuu »

[The episode opens with an outside sh*t through the window of a teenage girl taking pictures of herself with her phone. Tagline reads Springdale, Washington. Music is playing loudly in the room. The girl hears a door shut downstairs and goes to her bedroom door.]

GIRL

Mom? Mom, are you home?

[She receives no answer, so she goes back inside her room and shuts and locks the door. She starts taking pictures again. She pauses and scrolls through them on her phone but stops suddenly when one of the pictures has a faceless figure in the background. In fright, she slowly turns around and just as she sees the figure behind her the lights go out. She gasps and runs for the closet, shutting herself in. She dials 911 on her phone.]

OPERATOR

911. What is your emergency?

GIRL

There's someone in my room.

OPERATOR

What is your location?

[The girl is too frightened to answer.]

Can you give us a location, ma'am? Are you still there? Ma'am, please do not hang up. I've begun tracing your call, but I need you to stay on the line for me.

[From an outside sh*t of the closet we hear her gasp and then scream. The closet doors shake and slowly blood begins to trickle out of the slats.]

OPERATOR

Stay on the line. We'll send out an officer...

TITLE CARD

ACT ONE

[Scene opens in the main library of the bunker. SAM is sitting at one of the tables doing some research. DEAN enters the room with a duffle slung over his shoulder.]

DEAN

All right. I'll be back.

SAM

Wait. Where you headed?

DEAN

Washington. I caught a case.

SAM

You want me to come with?

DEAN

Do you want to come?

SAM

On a hunt? Why wouldn't I?

DEAN

I don't know, man. 'Cause lately with you, up is down and down is sideways, you know? I-I -- I don't know what you want.

[SAM glares at him and DEAN walk over to the table.]

DEAN

Okay. You want in? Fine. Sure thing.

[He pulls a paper out of his jacket and slides it at SAM.]

Photo leaked from the crime scene. Girl was m*rder*d in her room, doors were locked, the windows were locked.

SAM [looking at the selfie the girl took with the figure in the background]

Who's the wallflower?

DEAN

Exactly. Best guess -- ghost caught on film. So, you're coming?

SAM [gathering his laptop]

Does it look like I'm staying?

[In the girl's house, the Winchesters are standing talking to her mother. There is a large blood stain on the carpet. MRS. MILES just stares at it while she talks.]

MRS. MILES

I scrubbed for hours. I'll have to rip up the carpet. My daughter, Casey... She picked out the color herself.

SAM

We're...very sorry for your loss, Mrs. Miles. You mentioned Casey had no known enemies. What about at home? Anything unusual you may have noticed? Uh...Electricity acting up or lights...flickering, TV on the Fritz?

MRS. MILES

No, no fritzing. No cold spots, either.

DEAN

Sorry. Out of curiosity, uh... Why do you mention cold spots?

MRS. MILES

I'm sorry. That must sound strange, but...it's been three days since...And the police have found nothing. I'd h-- I'd have to sell my house to afford a private investigator, so when the Supernaturalists called --

DEAN

Whoa, uh, sorry, the...Um...Supernaturalists?

MRS. MILES

I know to the FBI it's not exactly orthodox. But these men had answers that no one else had, and I --I owe it to Casey... to listen.

SAM

Now, they -- they brought up cold spots in relation to...?

MRS. MILES

Signs of the paranormal, I suppose. They're coming by today to take a look.

DEAN

And did these Supernaturalists give you a name?

[The scene changes to a long sh*t of a large white van outside a diner with the name "Ghostfacers" written across it in large letters. The theme to the Ghostfacers plays. The Winchesters walk up to the van. DEAN is more than slightly annoyed.]

DEAN

Son of a bitch.

[Inside the diner ED ZEDDMORE and HARRY SPANGLER sit at a booth. They are browsing the web on their phones.]

ED

Oh, wow, look. We got two more followers.

HARRY [engrossed in whatever is on his own phone]

Mm.

ED

Yeah. Harry, I think it's from that library interview we did.

HARRY

Nice.

ED

Hey, pal.

HARRY

Hmm?

ED

What did Dana post?

HARRY [turning his phone around to show ED a picture of a girl]

No, it's just -- she changed her profile pic, and it's cropped, but you can clearly see a guy's arm around her. And she's smiling like the dickens.

ED

Yeah. Uh, it -- it could a platonic... arm that's touching her.

[At that moment, SAM and DEAN slide into the booth with them. Their faces are annoyed and the Ghostfacers respond in kind.]

HARRY [sarcastically]

Ah, the Winchesters. Yay.

ED

Says nobody.

HARRY

Ever.

DEAN

All right, shut up and listen. This is how it's gonna go. You two clowns are gonna get into that mystery machine outside, and you're gonna leave town or I'm gonna put holes in your knees.

[ED and HARRY roll their eyes as the WAITER walks up.]

WAITER

Can I get you guys anything? Something, uh...

DEAN

Uh, we're ready for the bill.

DINER BOSS - TREY

Hey. There's still crud on this plate. Now, hit the sinks and do it right.

WAITER

Sorry, Trey.

HARRY

Ahh, first of all, you guys don't scare us.

ED

Not at all.

HARRY [lifting his shirt to reveal a g*n in his waistband]

Say, "hola" to my little pistola.

DEAN

Am I supposed to be impressed with that treasure trail or the lady g*n you got hiding in your, uh, pants there?

HARRY

Uh...Both?

Look, whether you like it or not, we are handling this situation.

ED

Yup.

DEAN

Really?

ED

Mm-hmm.

DEAN

'Cause I see a couple of fame whores who are pointing their camera at a mom who just lost her kid.

ED

Guys, we are investigators, and we have every right --

DEAN

No. No, you don't. You know why? 'Cause you're just gonna get in our way.

SAM

Or you're gonna get somebody else k*lled.

DEAN

That's right. So, you can either walk out of here...or crawl. Up to you.

HARRY

Oh, my God, Menudo. Will you guys relax? We know what we're doing.

ED

Yup.

DEAN

Really? And what about the rest of the Bad News Bears, huh? Where's the -- where's the fat one? And -- and the girl? There was a girl, right? [SAM nods.]

ED

They -- we dropped them. They were -- they were dead weight.

HARRY

Well, t-they're still alive.

ED

They're -- no, they're totally alive.

DEAN

I see. So, it's just the, uh, the dumpy duo, then. Well, that's great. So, here's the deal. A ghost... Will land you two dead in five seconds flat.

HARRY [chuckling mockingly]

A ghost? Oh. They think it's a ghost. It's so not a ghost.

ED

No.

SAM

Okay. We'll bite. What do you think it is?

HARRY

Can I -- can I do it this time?

ED

You got it.

HARRY

Okay. I've waited all my life for this. Amazon me, b*tches.

DEAN [beyond annoyed]

I will sh**t you... b*tches.

SAM

Like we were saying, you were just going, right? Great.

DEAN

Good talk.

[The Winchesters get up and leave.]

HARRY

50 shades of whey too much protein!

[Back at the brothers' motel, SAM is reading off the laptop while DEAN takes off his suit jacket and rolls up his sleeves.]

SAM

Uh...Dean?

DEAN

Yeah?

SAM

Ed and Harry wrote a book.

DEAN

What?

SAM

Yeah. Uh, "The Skinny on Thinman", by America's foremost Supernaturalists.

DEAN

What the hell's a Thinman?

SAM

I don't know. Um... [He pulls up a Black & White picture of a runner with the same figure from CASEY's selfie in the background.] Whoa. Check that out, though. That does kind of look like whatever was behind Casey Miles, right?

DEAN

Or Garth if somebody shaved his face off. Big whoop.

SAM

Here we go. Uh, "Thinman -- "an urban legend started on the world wide web --lurks in the background

of his victims' lives until he's ready to k*ll them."

DEAN

Yeah, because everything started on the Internet is true. Like, uh, oh, the shark attacking a helicopter - they write the book on that one, too?

SAM

Dude, real or not, thousands of people have posted to the site. It's like Thinman is the new Bigfoot or something.

DEAN

Or Thinman is just a ghost with a brand name.

SAM

You saying that 'cause you really think it's a ghost or because you don't like the Ghostfacers?

DEAN

Hey, don't forget -- we hit EMF in Casey's room.

SAM

Right, but the house was next door to power lines, which can affect the read.

DEAN

A girl d*ed in a locked room, Sam -- spells "ghost" right there.

SAM

Maybe it got in there before it was locked up. Who knows, Dean? But how can people all over the world see the same ghost? Spirits don't exactly hop around.

DEAN

I know that. But right now, the veil is all kinds of screwed, okay? Ghosts could be popping up anywhere.

SAM

Yeah, but, Dean, Thinman sightings date back a couple years. The veil's only been a problem for, what, the last six months?

DEAN [pulls a laptop out of his bag and sits at the other table.]

Well, you know, people still see Elvis all over the damn place. Look, all I'm saying is those douchewheels ain't experts on crap.

SAM

What are you doing?

DEAN

I'm checking the local deaths to see if there's any candidates for ghosts.

[SAM sighs.]

[Scene changes to ED backing up from the Ghostfacer camera and talking in a dramatic voice.]

ED

The closet -- the setting of the sunset of Casey's life.

[He pauses when he realizes Harry is enamored with something on the laptop.]

Harry.

HARRY

Yeah.

ED

Come on, man, would you please stop Facebook stalking your ex-girlfriend?

HARRY

I was right.

ED

Hmm?

HARRY

She changed her relationship status to "it's complicated." What does that even mean?

ED

Who cares? You broke up with her. Everything about that girl is complicated. Okay, I mean, she gets the cream puffs, she tells you to take out the filling. They're just puffs.

HARRY

Yeah, that was some pretty messed-up stuff.

ED

Mm-hmm.

HARRY

Uh, okay. I'm -- I'm sorry. Mm. Okay. I'm good.

ED

Okay?

HARRY

Back on game. Yeah. We're so close to finding Thinman, Ed.

ED

Mm-hmm.

HARRY

I can smell him. I can smell his musk.

ED

Mm-hmm.

HARRY

Closer than ever.

ED

This is really serious, Harry.

HARRY

Yeah.

ED

I mean, the Winchesters are here, and, you know, I don't want my knees blown off by Sam and Dean. Have you ever thought that we might just, you know, bail on this?

HARRY

What? What the -- what the hell is wrong with you?! We can't let those jockstraps steal our glory. No one cares what they think. They don't even have a Twitter. We're gonna find Thinman, Ed, for our families, for Dana.

ED

Oh, so, it's about your ex eating her words?

HARRY

It's about making all the haters eat their words. Maggie and Spruce -- the just -- deserters. They want to lead a "normal life". I mean, what is that?

ED

Screw them.

HARRY

Screw them.

ED

Right?

HARRY

When we find Thinman, are they gonna be on "Dr. Phil"?

ED

No.

HARRY

We're gonna be on "Dr. Phil."

ED

Hell, yeah. Press "record," buddy.

HARRY

You got it.

[ED steps back into the closet and HARRY moves to start the camera.]

HARRY

Wait for it.

ED

You ready?

HARRY

Yep.

ED [stepping out of the closet]

The bedroom of a teenage girl is meant for two things -- giggles and joy. Until one night, Thinman turned the giggles into blood.

HARRY

Oh! You are so money right now.

ED

You like that?

HARRY

This is good stuff. And it's gonna pay off in ladies, Ed -- lots of ladies. We're gonna need -- we're gonna need snorkels, 'cause we're gonna be swimming around in so much --

[At that moment, MRS. MILES enters the room with a tray of lemonade. HARRY pauses in embarrassment.]

MRS. MILES

Thought you boys might be thirsty.

HARRY

Please. That sounds delicious.

[Back in the motel, DEAN looks up from his laptop to SAM who is sitting across the table from him.]

DEAN

Okay. All right, over the past six months, there have been three unnatural deaths in Springdale, none of them connected to Casey Miles, and none of them violent.

SAM

Okay, that's not exactly a recipe for a vengeful spirit. There have been a bunch of unexplained deaths pinned on Thinman. Um, a vic dies, then, a couple weeks later, a photo pops up of the vic with Thinman photobombing.

DEAN

So, Thinman's stalking folks?

SAM

According to the lore.

DEAN

According to the idiots. How come none of these vics pinged our radar?

SAM

I'm pretty sure the mysterious deaths can be chalked up to non-supernatural causes. That and, honestly, most of these photos look pretty fake.

DEAN

Even Casey's?

SAM

Except Casey's. Casey's photo wasn't doctored. Whatever was behind her was really there.

DEAN

Okay, well, that doesn't make any sense. I mean, how could something be both real and fake at the same time?

SAM

Well, a girl is dead, and that's about as real as it gets.

DEAN

All right, so, the last thing she did was she took a photo on her phone. How did that photo end up online?

SAM

No clue. It was originally posted to a Thinman fan forum, but the I.P. address was blocked.

DEAN

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. This thing has fans? Of course it does. Okay, well, then somebody wanted this photo on the Internet, and I'm guessing that the ghost didn't hop online to post it.

[At the police station, SAM and DEAN stand at the front counter as a Sheriff Deputy brings over a case file box and sets it on the counter.]

DEAN

Is the, uh, sheriff around? There's a couple questions we'd like to ask him.

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Uh, sorry to disappoint. Sheriff's on a hunting trip. But, uh, I appreciate you agents being here. I could use all the help I can get.

SAM [picking up CASEY's phone in an evidence bag]

Wait a second. Was this cracked when you found it?

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Yeah, man. Maybe she dropped it? 911 call went dead at 11:59.

DEAN

Wait, what time was the photo posted?

SAM

Around 2:00 a.m.

DEAN

But the coroner has the death at midnight. How could she have posted the photo from her phone? That -- that's impossible.

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Or...supernatural.

DEAN

What?

SAM

Why would you say that?

DEPUTY NORWOOD

A couple fellas came by, uh, asking questions about the girl's death, suggested they might be able to help. They, uh, gave me a book they wrote about, um...

DEAN

Thinman?

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Yeah. Just...

[DEAN turns around and walks away.]

DEPUTY NORWOOD [pointing after DEAN]

Not a fan?

[Scene changes to TREY finishing up work at the diner after it has closed. He is working at the counter when he hears a knock or some sound. He goes to the window to investigate but finds no one there. He returns to the counter and opens up the security link on his computer. He scans a couple of camera feeds but sees nothing. He then gets to a sh*t of the parking lot and there is a brief flash of a head walking by. Then TREY flips to the security sh*t of himself at the counter. He can see that the THINMAN stands behind him. He turns about and the THINMAN flashes a hand and cuts his throat.]

ACT TWO

[Scene opens the next morning with the Winchesters arriving at the diner which is now a crime scene. The Ghostfacers are also there taking film of TREY's dead body.]

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Agents, thanks for coming.

DEAN [nodding toward the Ghostfacers]

What are these two crapshoots doing here?

DEPUTY NORWOOD

I figured it wouldn't hurt to go a little "Medium," you know? Uh...two counties over, folks were combing the place for a poor little dead boy back in August. The cops let a psychic do her thing. Shish, bang, boom -- found a body a day later.

DEAN

Uh-huh. Excuse me.

SAM

Is there any, uh, security-cam footage.

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Uh, yeah, just...

DEAN [walks to the Ghostfacers and slaps HARRY's butt.]

Hey!

ED

Aah!

HARRY

Aah!

DEAN

I thought I told you to b*at it.

HARRY

Oh, well, what are you gonna do. You gonna out me, "agent"?

DEAN

Okay, look, playing paparazzi at a crime scene -- who does that help but yourselves?

HARRY

The bloggers, Dean, the believers -- everyone who needs just a little proof to know that Thinman is out there.

DEAN

Wait, so, you're saying there's a lot of folks online that are pretty die-hard about this thing?

HARRY

Oh, yeah.

ED

Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.

DEAN

You throw the right Tibetan symbol into the mix, you dumb asses ever think the Thinman comes to life as a Tulpa?

ED

Because thousands of people can agree that Thinman is any one thing? The lore changes blog to blog. He's not a Tulpa.

DEAN

Okay, all right. All right. Right here, right now, cut the crap. Do either of you actually know what Thinman is?

ED [deadpans]

No. We just play Supernaturalists on TV.

HARRY

We have no idea what we're doing... Of course we do!

ED

Thinman, is part man, part tree.

HARRY

Some people believe that he emerged from the nightmare of an autistic boy.

DEAN [rolling his eyes]

All right, so you have no idea.

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Fellas, you want to see this.

[DEAN, ED and HARRY walk over to where SAM has been viewing security tapes with DEPUTY NORWOOD.]

SAM

All right, check it out.

[He replays the security footage showing the THINMAN stabbing TREY.]

ED

Whoa.

HARRY

Whoa.

DEAN

All right, so, how did he jump from the parking lot to the diner. The doors were locked?

DEPUTY NORWOOD

The footage shows Trey locked them 10 minutes before.

HARRY

Locked, not locked, it doesn't matter. Everyone knows Thinman can teleport.

ED

I didn't even get a blip on my EMF.

DEAN

So, maybe it's not a ghost.

DEPUTY NORWOOD

You Feds believers now?

ED

Okay, uh... We're gonna go. Uh, good work, deputy, agent. Let's go. Let's go, man.

[ED and HARRY leave in a rush.]

DEAN [motioning to the tapes]

See it again.

[Scene changes to ED driving the Ghostfacer van down the road. HARRY sits in the passenger seat.]

HARRY

Holy wow. Someone posted the diner footage of Thinman in the comments section of our blog.

ED

Who?

HARRY

Who cares? Maintain current velocity.

[HARRY jumps in the back of the van and we can hear him shuffling around.]

ED

Hey, wh-why are you putting your ninja outfit on?

HARRY

I'm not gonna wait for someone else to die. I'm gonna find Thinman tonight.

ED

Where?

HARRY

The woods, obvi.

ED

Uh, that's kind of general.

HARRY

Well, the lore says that Thinman hangs out by trees, and the woods is where trees hang out. Two kills in town -- local woods is the best bet.

ED

Two people are dead -- really dead. And I just keep thinking that, you know, maybe Sam and Dean should just take over.

HARRY [appearing from the back of the van]

First of all, hell no. And -- and quit raining on my rainbow.

ED

Rainbows can't happen without rain.

HARRY

Don't try to use science with me. This is about a-a feeling. And we can't quit when we're so close to finding Thinman and finally making up for everything we've lost because of...what we do.

ED

Okay, it wouldn't be the worst idea, though, you know, if we leave it to the professionals.

HARRY [putting on his nightvision goggles]

We are the professionals, Ed.

ED

So, the woods?

HARRY

Any woods, Ed. Any woods.

[DEAN and SAM are sitting in their motel room eating dinner and discussing the case.]

SAM

Okay. Just grasping at straws here, but when I think "teleport," I think "Crossroads Demon."

DEAN

Mm. Demon that likes to s*ab and watch YouTube. Why not?

SAM

Oh, by the way, speaking of which, the video of, uh, Trey getting knifed it's already online. It has, like, 2,000 views. It's like somebody wants people to see Thinman in action.

DEAN

It's 'cause people will watch, 'cause people are sick.

SAM

And when did "viral" go from that baby chimp falling out of a tree to k*ller "Candid Camera"?

DEAN [with a sudden relaxed smile]

You know what video would have gone viral, if we still had it? When you were five and you got dressed up as Batman and you jumped off the shed 'cause you thought you could fly.

SAM [grinning]

After you jumped first.

DEAN

Hey, I was nine, and I was dressed up like superman, okay? Everybody knows that Batman can't fly.

SAM [chuckling]

Well, I didn't know that. I broke my arm.

DEAN [laughing heartily]

I know you did. Man, I drove you to the E.R. on my handlebars. Hm, good times.

SAM [suddenly sobers and we can see he is thinking about something else...]

Yeah, they were.

[A knock on the door interrupts their thoughts. DEAN gets up to answer it but before he can reach the door, ED comes barging in.]

DEAN [exasperated]

Come on in.

ED

I got to tell you guys something important, and then the case is yours.

[Camera switches to HARRY in the woods. He is filming and running a commentary throughout.]

HARRY

Harry here, solo Ghostfacer, investigating a possible Thinman habitat...in the woods. All alone, deep in the woods, a man could lose his marbles being so close to the blade of doom. Lucky for us, I'm really good at marbles.

[ED is sitting on the bed trying to explain his story to SAM and DEAN.]

ED

All right, either you bleed Ghostfacers red or you don't. If Spruce wanted to start a startup and Maggie's heart was in the roller derby, who am I to stop them? But Harry -- I-I couldn't let him give in to his girl. I mean, she -- she called the Ghostfacers stupid. Stupid! Can you -- can you believe that? You know, I-I don't care how much money her daddy's hedge fund has. I just couldn't watch Harry become a corporate stooge.

DEAN [losing his patience]

Okay, this all sounds like sad times at Bitchmont High. What does this have to do with the case?

ED

Harry was gonna leave, so I needed to give him a reason to stay. I-I made up Thinman.

[SAM and DEAN stare at ED with shocked faces as the camera switches back to HARRY.]

HARRY

Thinman st*lks his victims, but the tables have turned, my friends. The stalker is now the stalkee. [The camera reveals THINMAN standing behind a tree, watching HARRY.]

[Back to the motel]

DEAN

So you're saying that this crap is actually crap?

ED

One old photo of a butler, a lot of Photoshop later, and I posted on one of those horror forums under "anonymous". And it blew up. Yeah. I only faked one case for us, and then we're packing up to go home when somebody posted a sighting of Thinman, so...we went after it, and that's how the Thinman became a crowdsourced legend.

Look, we were at the front of it. It felt like something. It -- it was so awesome to have a following, and Harry -- he was just -- he was so into it.

SAM

Ed, you have to tell him.

ED

You don't get it. We were the Thinman guys. Without the Thinman, we're just...guys --just -- we're just puffs.

DEAN

What?

SAM

What?

ED

If I tell Harry, he's gonna leave the Ghostfacers.

SAM

Listen, if you don't tell him, he's gonna leave anyway. Trust me here. Secrets ruin relationships.

[DEAN glances at SAM.]

ED

Okay, well, I'll just tell him when the time is right.

DEAN

Time's right now, chief.

ED

Well, he's -- he's not here. Uh, he's -- he's out in the woods, uh, searching for Thinman.

SAM

Okay, because Thinman, or whatever the hell this thing is, has k*lled two people, and now Harry is in the woods alone.

ED

Well, actually, it's more like "wood," um, 'cause I dropped him off by some trees behind a grocery store. Guys, come on. He's gonna be fine. Guys?

[SAM and DEAN (followed by ED) rush out the door and the camera switches back to HARRY.]

HARRY

All right, what we have here is a, uh, -- it's a -- it looks like a formation of sticks in the shape of a pile. Could have been left here for us by Thinman. What was that? Oh! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We are not alone.

[As HARRY turns the camera on himself we see THINMAN standing behind him. HARRY leaps out of the way but is still slashed across the ribs by the THINMAN's Kn*fe. HARRY takes off running for the parking lot clutching at his bleeding side. He reaches the parking lot and is almost run over by the IMPALA coming to the rescue. DEAN, SAM and ED jump out and HARRY almost faints from blood loss but SAM and DEAN catch him in time.]
ACT THREE

[SAM has patched up HARRY's side and wrapped the wound.]

SAM

Too tight?

HARRY

Nope. No, I'm good. I'm good.

SAM

Yeah?

HARRY

I'm good. All right. I think I'm just gonna have to staple it when we get back to the motel.

[He turns to ED.]

We were right, Ed! Thinman's real.

ED [quietly]

Yeah.

DEAN [running up from the woods]

Some fresh tires tracks back over there. I took some photos.

HARRY

What for?

DEAN

Because that car might belong to whoever knifed you.

HARRY

Well, whoever cut me was Thinman, and Thinman doesn't drive. It was Thinman, jackass! I mean, I shouldn't have to connect the dots for you guys. I figured, you know, you're both intelligent, m-maybe.

[SAM and DEAN both look pointedly at ED.]

ED

Um, Harry.

HARRY

What?

[Back in the Ghostfacers hotel room, ED has explained things to HARRY.]

HARRY

Why didn't you tell me that before?

ED

Because -- I-I don't know -- I thought you were gonna get mad.

HARRY

Oh, good guess, Ed. I am mad. I'm really, really mad at you right now.

ED

I-I can see that.

HARRY

You crashed the Jenga Tower of our lives. I was gonna get married. I left her to run around with you, living some lie.

ED

Well, at least we were living it together.

HARRY

Seriously? Seriously?

ED

If I hadn't struck gold with Thinman, you'd be doing a boring job, doing boring numbers, answering to Dana's dad. Okay? I saved you, bud.

HARRY

Saved me? From what?! From living a nice life? From not getting stabbed? How selfish can you be?

ED

Well, maybe it's not too late, you know? You could call her and see.

HARRY

That's not gonna work.

ED

Well, maybe -- maybe it will.

HARRY

No, it's not. You want to know why? 'Cause she's got some guy's arm wrapped around her neck, and it's "complicated", okay?

ED

Look, Harry, we didn't know from the start if Thinman was real or not. I -- okay, look, maybe I had some inside knowledge, okay, but does it really make a difference if we keep it going for the fans? They'll never know.

HARRY

I'll know. You made a chump out of me, Ed.

ED

Harry, we can get through this. We just debunk Thinman and then we go back to Ghostfacers.

HARRY

I can't. I can't trust you anymore, Ed.

ED

Oh, come on, Harry. I get it. You're pissed, okay? And -- and you don't mean what you say. But, Harry, just tell me what you need.

[HARRY sits down and doesn't answer.]

I'll go get some coffee, and -- and you can stay here and chill.

[ED leaves the room and meets SAM outside the door.]

SAM

Hey. How did it go?

ED

It, um, went, uh...Um...

[He walks off in silence. SAM goes in to check on HARRY.]

SAM

Hey. You okay?

HARRY

I just got punched right in the feels.

SAM

Um...

HARRY

None of it was real, Sam. Ed was just pretending, and now he wants me to pretend, like this is just something I could get past.

SAM

I know what you mean. Look, there are things you can forgive, and there are things you can't.

HARRY

So, which one is this?

SAM

That's something you got to figure out for yourself.

[DEAN knocks and enters.]

DEAN

Hey. Uh... I got a bead on those tire treads, if you want to...

[SAM steps into the hall with DEAN.]

SAM

What's up?

DEAN

So, the tires were only made for one kind of car. It's a 1989 Geo Metro. Town this small -- there's only one registered here. Deputy says it belongs to a guy named Roger who works night security down at the mill on the north side of town.

SAM

So, this thing teleported, but it has a job and car. What are we dealing with?

DEAN

Let's go find out.

[ED overhears the conversation from the hall and goes to tell HARRY.]

HARRY

So, Sam and Dean caught something, so they're gonna clean up your mess.

ED

You're right. It is my mess. I should be the one out there cleaning it up.

HARRY

You'd just make it worse. Oh, what? You were fine leaving Sam and Dean before. Why not now?

ED

I don't want to be a jellyfish spine anymore, Harry.

HARRY

Jellyfish don't have spines.

ED

Exactly. Before the heartache, before the lies we set out to help people, right?

HARRY

Yeah. Mostly.

ED

So, there's no reason not to get out there and do what we mostly set out to do. Harry, I-I can make this right for the both of us.

HARRY

We can make it right.

ED

Y-you mean you want to come with me?

[DEAN and SAM pull up to the mill and see that DEPUTY NORWOOD is already there.]

DEAN

I thought we said my partner and I would take care of this.

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Look, guys, my boss is AWOL. We don't have a warrant. My ass is on the line if this thing goes sideways.

DEAN

All right. Just stay back.

[SAM goes to pick the lock on the mill but realizes it is already open. SAM and DEAN draw their weapons and enter. But before they can do anything, DEPUTY NORWOOD tasers them from behind. They drop to the floor.]

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Always wanted to use these things.

ACT FOUR

[DEAN is handcuffed to a chair in front of a woodsy tapestry hanging from the ceiling. SAM is handcuffed to a column off to the side. DEPUTY NORWOOD is humming an annoying song as he buzzes around and sets up lights and a camera.]

DEAN

So, you're Thinman, huh? That would make sense if it didn't look like you just ate a fat camp.

[DEPUTY NORWOOD continues to hum without answering.]

Oh, God, Sam, make him stop.

SAM

Hey, so, what's the deal? What are you, Norwood? You a demon? I mean, how did you teleport back at the diner?

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Team effort.

[THINMAN walks around a corner and SAM and DEAN stare. THINMAN then lift his hands and removes a mask and it is revealed to be the waiter at the diner, ROGER.]

DEAN

So, there was no teleporting -- just a couple of douche bags doing the "Scream" thing.

SAM

Wait, I know who you are. You're the busboy from the diner. So, what, you just wanted to k*ll your boss?

ROGER

Trey was a d*ck.

DEAN

And what about Casey? What did she do?

ROGER

She wouldn't go out with me, so I set her up with someone else -- my Kn*fe.

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Good one, Rog.

DEAN [noticing another body lying off to the side]

I see the sheriff didn't make it out of town.

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Well, he really should have given me the time off I asked for.

SAM

So, you k*lled him?!

DEPUTY NORWOOD

I didn't k*ll anyone. Roger did. He's the psycho. I'm the visionary. I don't blame you for underestimating me. Everybody does. Fancy Fed, coming in here, treating me like a paper monkey from the get-go. But I was Thinman the whole time. Do you have any idea how good that felt?

DEAN

No, sicko, I can't say that I do.

ROGER

Yeah, pretty boy doesn't know what it's like to feel invisible -- to grow up in a town of 300 people and nobody sees you.

DEPUTY NORWOOD

They didn't see us.

[SAM is working on breaking out of his handcuffs with his lock pick tools he was able to reach in his back pocket. When DEAN looks over SAM motions to him with his eyes.]

DEAN

So, how did you two meet? Wackjob.com?

DEPUTY NORWOOD

No. Just a couple of schmoes in an empty bar. We hit it off. Turns out me and Rog -- we're both total conspiracy-theory junkies.

ROGER

And then we found Thinman, and, bam, we blew up all over the message boards.

SAM

So, what is this, then? Some sort of a twisted cosplay?

ROGER

Cosreal. You know, blogging was fun, but...

SAM

But, let me guess, you wanted something more.

DEAN

You realize what you two jackasses are doing doesn't make you Thinman. It makes you copycat K*llers.

ROGER

It makes me Thinman. And you're not telling anyone I'm not, 'cause you'll be too dead to talk.

DEPUTY NORWOOD [moving back to the camera]

Show time.

ROGER

You two are lucky ducks. You're the stars of our best video yet. And when it goes viral, everyone will know Thinman's real.

[ROGER moves behind DEAN and puts his mask back on. SAM starts to struggle harder when he realizes what is about to happen. DEAN figures it out too and starts to steel himself for the worst.]

DEPUTY NORWOOD [standing at the camera]

And...Action!

[ROGER draws his Kn*fe and yanks DEAN back to slice his throat. SAM yells in a panic.]

SAM

Wait, no, no, no. Don't!

[Suddenly a door is slammed somewhere in the mill and ROGER stops his Kn*fe. Camera switches to ED and HARRY coming in the building.]

ED [motioning to HARRY to go one way and he another]

Harry...

[HARRY walks forward checking things with his flashlight. When he rounds a corner he runs into ROGER dressed as THINMAN. ROGER kicks him between the legs. HARRY doubles over in pain.]

HARRY

Oh, he got me! He got me back!

[ROGER raises his Kn*fe to finish HARRY off but ED's g*n clicks behind his head.]

ED

It's Scooby-Doo time, douche bag. Take off the mask. I know you're not Thinman. You're just a "me-me".

HARRY

Ed, it's pronounced meme.

ED

It's spelled m-e-m-e, though.

HARRY

The second "e" is silent. Yeah.

ED

You're a me-me -- a-a man-meme, and I invented you.

[DEPUTY NORWOOD suddenly appears and knocks ED over the head.]

DEPUTY NORWOOD

Oh! Good to know.

HARRY

Oh, sh--

[ROGER and DEPUTY NORWOOD walk ED and HARRY back to where SAM and DEAN are tied up.]

DEPUTY NORWOOD

I'm a lover of the classics, Ed. And what we have here is a "Frankenstein" situation. I'm a lover I mean, wow, the creator. I mean, we -- we were gonna let one of you guys live to tell our story but now, once you two are dead, there'll be no proof that Thinman was your brainchild.

[But when they get back to where SAM and DEAN were, the brothers are gone and their handcuffs lie on the chairs.]

ROGER

No.

[As they stand there in shock, the Winchesters att*ck. DEAN grapples with ROGER and stabs him with his own Kn*fe. SAM knocks DEPUTY NORWOOD to the ground but he is able to draw his g*n on SAM. But ED sees it and steps into the path of the g*n.]

ED

Wait, no! No! No! No, look. Look at me. This is all my fault. Okay? It's all my fault.

DEPUTY NORWOOS [grins]

I got enough b*ll*ts for both of you.

[Then a sh*t rings out and DEPUTY NORWOOD drops dead from a g*nsh*t to the chest. Everyone looks up to see HARRY holding the smoking g*n.]

ACT FIVE

[DEAN is loading the trunk of the IMPALA outside the mill. SAM walks over.]

SAM

So, are we good in there?

DEAN

Yeah. With the Thinman footage and the way I set the bodies, there should be enough breadcrumbs to make it look like those two psychos offed each other.

SAM

They were just people, man. They weren't...demons. They weren't monsters. They...were just frickin' people.

DEAN

Yeah, well, like I said, people are sick.

[Over by the Ghostfacer van a few feet away from the Winchesters, ED and HARRY are talking.]

ED

S-so...Are we cool?

HARRY

I don't think we ever will be.

ED

I mean, you know, we made it right. We, uh -- we b*at the guys. This could be our sh*t to start the old Ghostfacers again.

HARRY

I came here with you to finish this thing with Thinman. I wasn't just closing a chapter, Ed. It was the whole dang book.

ED

But you saved my life back there.

HARRY

I k*lled a guy, Ed.

ED

He was a bad guy, Harry.

HARRY

He was a guy, Ed. Too many people have d*ed 'cause of your crap.

ED

I've done all this crap for us. I-I don't know why you don't see that.

HARRY

No. No. You did this for you. [Camera shows SAM and DEAN listening in on the conversation from over by the IMPLALA.] There's a lot of things I can forgive, Ed, but this isn't one of them.

ED

So, what does this mean about us?

HARRY

It means... It's complicated.

[HARRY walks off with ED staring after him. HARRY walks up to the Winchesters.]

HARRY

Can I get a ride from you guys?

DEAN

Yeah, sure.

[They get into the IMPALA and drive away, leaving ED standing by the Ghostfacers van with tears in his eyes.]

[In the IMPALA, DEAN looks in the rear-view mirror.]

DEAN

Harry, you okay?

HARRY

Yeah. I mean, no.

You roll with a guy so many years, you start to think he's always gonna be next to you. Like, when you're old and you're drinking on the porch, he'll be in that other rocking chair. And then something happens, and you realize that other chair has gone empty.

[SAM and DEAN both have looks on their faces that tell us they are no longer hearing this story about ED and HARRY but are painfully aware of how this applies to the brother right beside them.]

HARRY

You know what I mean?

END CREDITS
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