01x07 - Once Upon a Time in the Upper West

[bunniefuu]

("PSYCHO HOLE" BY ASHWARYA PLAYING)

(GASPS)

- GOSSIP GIRL: Good morning, followers.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)

In New York, Thanksgiving is more

- than a day to plan seating charts,
- _

triple check that New York Times recipe,

and brace for family arguments.

♪ Where am I goin'?
It's dark and it's cold here ♪

♪ I can hear the voices
pleadin' for my permission ♪

(GASPS)

♪ I'm tryin' to hold on... ♪

GOSSIP GIRL: Thanksgiving
is also the favorite holiday

- of yours truly.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)

_

It's a time to be
grateful for what matters.

And this year, I'm
most grateful for you.

For your secrets, your lies,

and all the tips you've given me.

So try to enjoy the
tryptophan and relax.

It's all set. Prep all morning,
visit Grandma, dinner at : ,

then It's a Wonderful Life.

So, who are you inviting?
Julien and Davis?

- Obie?
- How about no one?

What? We have to keep
this Friendsgiving alive.

An open door is an open heart.

And that looks better on a pillow

than it sounds out loud.

I'm just... I'm not
feeling very festive.

And Obie has plans already, I'm sure.

They don't celebrate
Thanksgiving in Germany.

Dad, can't it just be us this year?

NICK LOTT: You usually
love a table full of people.

What's going on?

GOSSIP GIRL: But don't relax too much.

- Love you, Dad.
- You, too.

GOSSIP GIRL: Because no matter
where you might be celebrating,

I'll always have a seat at the table.

- DAVIS CALLOWAY: There you are.
- JULIEN CALLOWAY: Here I am.

- And here I go.
- DAVIS: Wait. No breakfast?

I'm meeting someone before class.

I wanted to talk to you about something.

- It's important.
- I'm already late.

♪ Fallin' down the psycho hole ♪
♪ I'm fallin', crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, yeah I'm just goin' so crazy ♪

DOCTOR: (OVER PHONE) The
important thing is to keep her life

as stress-free as possible as
she transitions back to home.

I have prepared the
house just like you said.

It's gonna be an intimate holiday

just for the two of us.

DOCTOR: I know it's been a long road.

I hope you've had someone taking
care of you during this time.

♪ Me ♪

("FOCUS" BY H.E.R. PLAYING)

♪ Can you focus on... ♪

A few. Thanks, Doctor.

- (MUSIC CONCLUDES)
- JODI MENZIES: Akeno.

Sorry. What were you saying?

Your father said he left a message.

You haven't called back.

Uh, he didn't say to. He just said,

"I know... I hope you understand

that I will always support
you, blah, blah, blah,

stay away from hooligans."

Hooligans? Who is he, Clint Eastwood?

He loves you. And he
wants you to be happy.

Yeah, especially if
it's good for business.

Yeah. What he did was unfortunate,

but he's still your father.

You don't have to agree with him,

but you still have to talk to him.

And if you ever wanna talk to me...

- I'm good.
- Yeah, you're...

Um...

You... you're good. You're good.

(MUSIC RESUMES)

♪ Baby, can... ♪

- (MUSIC STOPS)
- (EXHALES SHARPLY)

- (AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CUTLERY CLATTERING)

GIDEON WOLFE: What's on the phone?

Nothing, surprisingly.

Don't start. I am great.

I haven't slept this well in years.

I have twice as much closet space,

no denim in my eyeline,

and I don't have to Dyson up
the dusting of potting soil

that Pops left behind every day.

I am out of a decades-long
cable knit-mare,

and it's fantastic.

Well, you look like a
guest at Canyon Ranch,

you haven't done your hair in a week,

and you canceled Thanksgiving.

You think I wanted to cancel?

It's not my fault things changed.

Look, we'll make it great.
We'll order from Il Buco,

put on a Merchant Ivory, double mask.

Our own Canyon Ranch.
The q*eer father-son one.

The abandoned q*eer
father-son one. (SIGHS)

(INHALES)

You see, this is why
I can't make myself up.

I'm gonna look like
Chelsea Handler. (SNIFFLES)

- Wait. Do you smell that?
- Claridge's and Ruinart?

Baccarat Rouge .

But the only person I
know who wears that is...

(DOOR OPENING)

SASKIA BATES: Up, on the left.

- (CHUCKLES) Oh!
- SASKIA: That's it. Be careful with those.

- STAFF: Yes, ma'am.
- Saskia.

- (MAX AND GIDEON LAUGH)
- Darlings! (SQUEALS)

Oh! (SIGHS)

You look more like me
every day, mon fils.

- (CHUCKLES)
- And so do you, my love.

- Bless you.
- (SMOOCHING) Darling?

Guest room's on four.

- Yeah, just up through there.
- You can just leave it, it's fine.

- That's it.
- What are you doing here?

I thought you were
doing that Mike Leigh?

No, that got intense. Yeah.
So, he rents me this tiny flat,

makes me live in it so
I can get into character,

then I find out there is no movie

- and he is just into me.
- (CHUCKLES)

Can you imagine?

He's old enough to be my
first boyfriend, darling.

(LAUGHS) Oh. Oh!

This is Michael Caine,
your new baby brother.

Careful, he pees when he's excited.

He's just like me when
I was pregnant with you.

(LAUGHS) Do you remember?
I was pissing everywhere.

You know I love a Saskia surprise...

Giddy, you invited me.

But then I left you a voicemail.

Darling, the only people
who leave voicemails

are assistants and David O. Russell.

And I'm keeping those
in case I'm ever deposed.

Also, this... oh, this. Yeah.

There was an actual
stampede at the Chiltern

when I met Paul Mescal. Or
I should say, Paul Mescaline.

That man's beauty,
literally hallucinogenic.

(SIGHS)

Oh, I do hope I've arrived
in time to help supervise.

Where's Roy-Roy? (GASPS)

I've got these illicit photos of Jude
and Phillipa's garden he asked for.

Darling, have you come from a spin class

- or...
- Roy...

moved out.

What? No! (GASPS)

Oh, darling, you must tell
me all about it right now.

Also, please let's use my cream rinse.

It's from Hershesons. This is just...

Anybody could see us here.

It's Le Pain. (SCOFFS) We're good.

This close to school?

We're having breakfast
together, Obie. Big deal.

- We're friends.
- No, friends do not do

what we did, all right? I don't...

I've felt sick all weekend.

So have I. She hasn't messaged me back.

Yeah, no. She hasn't
been answering my calls.

(SIGHS) We're terrible people.

We're not.

Sometimes good people do
bad things and don't realize

until it's too late. And
now they have to pretend

that those bad things never happened.

I mean, you think maybe that
she can, you know, that...

that she'll understand?

I can't lose her, Obie.

What happened was just
a moment. That's it.

It wasn't real. It's just an echo.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(JULIEN MOANING)

I should've... I should have never...

We...

should have never.

(SIGHS)

What are we gonna do when
we... when we see her? I mean...

We looked for her. We couldn't find her.

We tried to contact her all weekend.

But we should keep our
distance, starting now.

I'll take Fifth. You take Madison.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

Why did Dan Humphrey always
give himself Thanksgiving off?

It's one of the juiciest
days of the year.

A, don't ever say "juicy" again,
and B, he probably went insane

writing all those posts about himself.

This thing is all-consuming,
and I barely do anything.

Which is why I never take
days off, especially now.

JORDAN GLASSBERG: You can
refresh it all you want.

Once media's deleted, it's gone.

- But does he know we saw it?
- We share the account.

There's no way he'd know who saw it,

- unless you told him you did.
- Well, we should tell someone.

He slept with a student. That's...

Morally reprehensible,
yes, but not illegal.

Max is . I checked.
It's the age of consent.

But Rafa would still get fired.

JORDAN: It definitely crosses a line,

but there's more of an age
difference between you and Nick Lott.

Max Wolfe sent us that video.

He wanted Gossip Girl to post it.

JORDAN: I mean, for all
we know, Rafa ghosted him

- and it's revenge p*rn.
- I miss revenge p*rn.

We need to find out
if Rafa knows we know.

And if he doesn't, we need to decide

- what to do about it.
- Nothing. We have no proof.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

Your hair, it's cool.

Thanks. I am trying something new.

- Uh, as are you, apparently?
- New things can be cool, right?

Yeah, but, um, they can also be weird.

- Are you talking about...
- What? No. Why? Are you?

- You are.
- Buongiorno, amanti.

I was wondering when I was
gonna see you both again.

- Why are you so happy?
- Well, my birth mom,

she is in town helping
my dad feel better,

which allowed me to remember

how we all made each other
feel better. (CHUCKLES)

What have you guys been up to, huh?

I've just been at the
hospital all weekend, and...

Full Tarkovsky MO, me.

Wait, you haven't seen each other?

I think we saw enough
of each other that night.

(LAUGHS) Oh, okay. I...
I see what's happening.

Okay. Well, look.

Side effects of having
your first threesome

may include feelings of
regret or shame, or...

the intense desire to
wanna do it all over again.

That... that one's me.

I think I'm gonna be late for Mandarin.

MAX: Hey.

I've dealt with this before, okay?

You have each witnessed your
partner with someone else.

The weirdness is understandable.
But it is important

that you guys go and f*ck each other...

- (SHUSHES)
- ... as soon as possible

to reclaim that connection, okay?

The first sex after a threesome,

it is... it's... it's
indescribable. Okay?

So I suggest that you
skip out first period,

and then slip into me third?

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

I mean, I'd be into
it. I just keep thinking

about that time you
guys kind of left me out.

I keep seeing that time that
you two were very much in.

- I'll see you at lunch.
- Uh...

Hey, man. Did you get my text?

Uh, yeah. I was...
I was busy with, um...

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm... Yeah, I'm all good.

Well, are we still on for tomorrow?

Our annual anti-Thanksgiving?

Me, you, and Jodi for a double feature

- at Film Forum?
- I got... I have plans.

Is everything okay?
Like, you can tell me.

Yeah, well, you can
tell me anything too,

but it doesn't mean that you do.

Is this about me?

- Look, I... I gotta go, man.
- ZOYA LOTT: Obie!

OBIE BERGMANN: Hey, Z.

Julien should hear this too. Jules!

JULIEN: Hi.

So, I'm guessing you both
know what this is about?

Uh... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Thanksgiving. My dad
was hoping you'd join us.

- Who?
- Both of you.

I assume you usually spend it together,

and now that we're all cool,

I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask.

In Buffalo, we had an open-door policy,

so I'm gonna invite everyone.

- Uh...
- That is so nice,

but um, my dad and I have
this stay-at-home tradition,

so I wouldn't want to disappoint him.

- And... and you and Aki just hang out.
- Yeah.

- They don't like to celebrate, so...
- Yeah. We commemorate the, uh,

the National Day of
Mourning, actually, so...

With Russ & Daughters
and a Marvel movie?

- (CHUCKLING)
- (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Really glad to see you,
though. I tried you all weekend.

Um, I know. Um...

I don't know. I just thought maybe...

Thought what? I mean,
I... I wanted to see you.

I missed you. (CHUCKLES)

Maybe we can hang out
after school and, uh,

make up for lost time.

- Yes, please.
- All right. (CHUCKLES)

Why do I do this to myself?

Do what? Give me a hint.

Is it the shoes? Is it the clothes?

- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
- Ha, ha, ha.

I don't know. I've just been
letting my mind play tricks on me.

You shouldn't. It's never
what you think it is.

- You're probably right.
- Lunch later?

- Sounds good.
- Okay.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

Ms. Keller!

Hi. What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

Um, my dad and I do this
thing where we invite everybody

who has no place to
go. It's pretty amazing.

It usually turns into
a little salon, and...

That's super kind, but, um,
have you run it by your dad?

Yeah. It was his idea.

- Inviting me specifically?
- ZOYA: Mm-hmm.

While I appreciate the offer,
I do have plans. Thanks, though.

Hey, Z. What's wrong?

I'm just trying to scrounge up
some people for Thanksgiving.

So far no takers. I'd invite you,

but I know you have plans with Obie.

Well, apparently not this year.

Yeah. It confused me too.

Thanks for the invite.

You definitely are never
getting recruited for Quantico.

This is a teacher's
lounge. We're all teachers.

And we're gonna stay that way.

- I know you saw it.
- Saw what?

- You know what "it" is.
- That deepfake?

- It's real.
- I knew it was real.

Also, what's your
workout plan? 'Cause...

- A student? How could you?
- I know it was wrong, okay?

He pursued me. He
followed me after work.

I tried to hold off. I did.

You expect us to believe a
student was the aggressor here?

We... we are talking about Max.

I don't have to explain myself to you.

You're a teacher. You're
supposed to know better.

And even if you deleted
it, that video still exists.

It's only a matter of
time before he shows it

to someone else. He already DMed

asking why we haven't posted it.

He's not gonna show it to anyone else.

- And neither are you.
- You don't call the sh*ts here.

On the contrary, I changed the password

and logged you out the minute
you walked in this room.

- What the f*ck are you...
- Doing? Protecting myself.

I made a mistake, but I can't lose

my entire career because of it.
I didn't take advantage of him.

I didn't abuse my position of power.

It wasn't even illegal.

But it will still destroy me.

You can't keep this from us forever.

Do you think I'm interested
in your shitty teen tabloid?

I'm holding it ransom.

I figure three months of
digging through people's trash

has made you pretty good detectives.

Excavate whatever you can on Max

so that if he ever
tries anything again...

- I can take him out first.
- But it's Thanksgiving.

And when you bring me what you find,

I'll prove how thankful I am

by giving you back what you want.

- And in the meantime...
- (CELL PHONE BEEPS)

- ... I got you covered, baby.
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

- Damn. He's good.
- (CELL PHONES CHIME)

- _
- GOSSIP GIRL: Holiday update from yours truly.

Here to serve a second helping

of something you can be grateful for.

(SIGHS)

GOSSIP GIRL: In the
tradition of my predecessor,

I've decided to take the day off

and give thanks of my own.

Nothing scandalous ever happens
over the holidays anyway, right?

So hold those you love close,

and be grateful for what you have.

Because without me to guide
you, who knows what'll happen?

- (MUSIC CONCLUDES)
- _

Okay, I feel like I'm going crazy,
so I'm gonna give you one chance

- to tell me the truth.
- The truth?

I didn't forget what
you said at the protest.

- You're still in love with Obie.
- And he chose you.

We were together a long time, so, okay,

it's taking me a little while to
get over it completely, but I will.

Because I want what's
best for him and you.

Then how come it always
feels like you guys

are having private
conversations whenever I show up?

Those conversations are about you.

The truth?

Obie feels like you've
been pulling away from him.

Yeah. That's why he's been
acting so weird, and he just...

he doesn't know how you
feel about him anymore.

- Really?
- Really.

You know him. Whenever he
feels unsure about something,

he just completely shuts down.

Major character flaw. But
if you still feel about him

the way that I think that
you do, just reassure him

that everything's okay on your end.

Trust me.

Okay. Um...

God, I... I hate being mad at you.

I hate it too. It's
terrifying. (CHUCKLES)

- (CHUCKLES) I'll see you later.
- Okay.

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

(GASPS)

- You slept with Obie.
- I did no such thing.

You just sent her right back to him.

- I don't wanna hurt her.
- You'd rather hurt yourself?

You never stopped loving him,
J. And if there is a chance

- for you two to...
- No. I can't handle this.

I have been so nervous

that Gossip Girl was gonna find out,

that when she said she
was taking a day off,

I breathed a literal
sigh of relief out loud.

Okay. I need the tea, Julien.

No. No, you don't.

Obie and Z are staying
together, I'm staying solo,

- and you, you're staying silent.
- Okay.

Well, if you really don't
want him back, then...

you're the one who always
says that they're a better fit,

so make them fit again.

If that's what you really want.

It's what I really want.

Now, for what I want.

(EXHALES)

Why do you keep on
looking at me like that?

(GRUNTS) It's either eye
contact with you or Jesus,

and He does not seem into this.

(SIGHS) Just close your eyes, babe.

Ow! Okay. Look. Look.

Let's just try it like this.
You like it like this, right?

Right? Come on. Come on.

Okay. You're not...
you're not hard, babe.

I just keep thinking about
when you were doing that thing,

and I was over there.

I just keep on thinking about
when you were doing that thing

and I was under there, okay?

Like, I've never seen
your face like that before.

'Cause your eyes were closed.

Well, I couldn't close
them then, could I?

(BOTH SIGH)

Max said we had to do this.

(SIGHS) Well, then
he should tell us how.

The whole point is that
we're supposed to do it alone

before we can do it with him again.

So let's just suck it
up and get it over with,

so we can both get what we want.

- (MOANS)
- (MOANS)

(ALL PANT)

We were not supposed to do that.

- You texted me.
- (EXHALES)

- We needed intervention.
- (MOANS)

We gotta clean that
up before stained glass

takes on a whole new meaning.

- (GRUNTS)
- This is not fair.

- (GRUNTS)
- I feel icky looking at him

without you in the frame as well.

(GROANS) Consider me
cropped out then, okay?

If you will not
voluntarily heed my advice,

then I am just gonna have to enforce it.

You're gonna celebrate
away from each other,

then you're gonna get a hotel room,

you're gonna lock the door,

you're gonna remember
what I did to each of you,

and then you're gonna get at it.

Only then can you call me back.

- (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
- (STUDENTS CHATTERING)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

_

_

Obie!

Obie. Don't worry, it's
fine. I just spoke to Zoya.

She's gonna tell you
how she feels about you.

So, you tell her how you feel too.

I don't know how I feel. That's...

- that's the problem.
- You care about her, don't you?

Yeah. Of course I care about her,

- but I... I care about you more...
- Obie, if...

we are going to stay friends,

please do not finish that sentence.

Just tell Z what she needs to hear,

and everything can go back
to the way that it was.

Okay?

(GASPS) Please. Do it for me.

ZOYA: Obie.

Max Wolfe is trying
to blow my house down.

If Gossip Girl doesn't
give him what he wants,

he may try and get it elsewhere.

What can we do? School just ended.

We haven't even started to dig.

I'm gonna do what any
good negotiator does.

Give you a clock.

GOSSIP GIRL: I know I've
promised a quiet Thanksgiving,

but a girl's work is never done.

(PHONES CHIMING) _

And once you see what
I'm bringing to dinner,

you'll be happy I didn't
stay away for long.

Watch this space for just desserts.

What happens if we don't get you
what you need by tomorrow night?

Well, Gossip's a girl of her word.

She has to post something juicy.

So I guess your
identity will have to do.

Let the countdown begin.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONCLUDES)

How come he gets to say "juicy"?

OBIE: You know, we're actually
in the very center of the park.

And this... this whole
thing used to be underwater.

Part of that reservoir
right there that...

ZOYA: Obie, you've
been talking topography

for the last ten minutes.

I know that you're upset with me.

Just... Why did you lie to
me about your plans with Aki?

He told me you canceled.

No. I... I just didn't... No.

I don't wanna see the
movies that he wanted to see.

But that's it. I mean, I'm
still going. I didn't...

I didn't lie. I wouldn't lie to you.

ZOYA: And I don't
wanna lie to you either,

- so I'm gonna be totally honest, okay?
- Okay. Go.

- I know that you and Julien were...
- Me and Julien what?

Have been together for a long time,

- and I can't compete with that.
- Yeah.

But I also don't want to be a rebound.

So if you want to go back to her...

No. (CHUCKLES) Of course I don't.

Then what's with us?

You're either distant and cold,
or you're calling me ten times

like you're guilty about something.

No. (CHUCKLES)

God, no, you have... look,
you've just... you've...

you've totally misread
this entire thing.

- I have?
- Yeah. I...

I'd... I... I haven't...

You know, I don't... I
haven't known, how to, uh,

you know... I don't...

Obie, what do you feel about me, really?

Feel about you? I love you.

- (SIGHS)
- I, uh... what?

I just haven't known
how to say it. I don't...

I love you, Zoya. I... I haven't... I...

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE)

(AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING)

I just told your father
his Tillmans C-print

looks digital, so now
he's occupied for a while

- looking for the receipt.
- (CHUCKLES)

But you're terribly flushed.
Have you been for a run?

How's our operation going?

He's still upset, but I...

I did that thing that worked with Megs

where you slag off the
other person so much,

they have absolutely no choice
but to start defending them.

You know I got Wills and
Harry talking again, right?

Darling, I should
have fistfuls of Nobels

- for my Saskia Accords by now.
- Mmm.

- (DOG WHIMPERING)
- Oh!

There you are.

I thought you quit.

These aren't mine.

Okay. So now I've thawed the ice a bit,

we can let global warming do the rest.

But we need to engineer un
petit piège des parents.

Well, they haven't been in
the same room with each other

in over a month. Uh...
When Dad thought he saw Pops

- at Gourmet Garage, he fled...
- (LAUGHS)

... with the basket. So
now we're not allowed back.

- Oh, no.
- MAX: I know.

SASKIA: Darling, of course
he can do that in public

'cause he doesn't know
anyone. But put him somewhere

where he is forced to be
on his best behavior...

MAX: Not possible. They book
Thanksgiving a year in advance.

Darling, I was in Pericles at
the Public with the maître d',

and he owes a favor

for something I'm not allowed
to talk about till .

So ask me then.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

ZOYA: (OVER PHONE) Jules,
I just wanted to apologize.

- Apologize? For what?
- You were right.

I was? Great. (CHUCKLES) About what?

About Obie. He told me he loves me.

He what?

ZOYA: Yeah. In Central Park
in front of all these people.

They even started clapping,
which was sort of weird

but also amazing.

- He said he loved you?
- Yeah. Like three times.

- And did you say it back?
- Of course. (CHUCKLES)

Oh... Are you still
there? Did your phone die?

I'm here. It's just...

Obie can rush into things sometimes,

and I don't want you to think
that everything between you

is suddenly better because...

A few hours ago, you
were rooting for this.

You're the one who told me to
be honest about my feelings.

(SCOFFS) You didn't
think he'd return them.

- No. That's not...
- ZOYA: So you just wanna ruin

the most romantic thing
that's ever happened to me

for no reason? I don't know
what games you're playing,

but whatever it is, I'm tagging out.

Hey. Who was that on the phone?

Zoya. Dad, I know we always
spend the night before together,

but I have to go.

("THIS IS ME TRYING"
BY TAYLOR SWIFT PLAYING)

I don't know what I expected.
"Callow" is literally in her name.

NICK: Uh-oh. What happened now?

She's always looking out
for her own interests,

playing games, manipulating people.

Whatever you said about
Davis, she clearly inherited.

You were right. The
Calloways are not our family.

(PHONE DIALING)

♪ I've been having a
hard time adjusting ♪

♪ I had the shiniest wheels ♪
♪ Now they're rusting ♪

♪ I didn't know... ♪

OBIE: Jules, what are you doing here?

- You told her you loved her?
- You told me to say that.

I didn't tell you to
say that, Obie. Jesus.

Look, I care for her. I do,
all right? But I don't...

Everything I've been
doing, I've been doing

'cause I don't wanna ruin things
for you, okay? I mean, I...

(PANTS) Look...

I would do anything...

to make you happy.
Anything that you ask me,

because I love you, and I always have.

And you know that.

♪ I just wanted you to know ♪
♪ That this is me trying ♪

♪ At least I'm trying ♪

Just come upstairs, Julien.
Please. Just come upstairs.

- Please. Julien.
- I can't...

- Come upstairs.
- I can't.

Julien.

sh*t. sh*t. sh*t.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

KATE KELLER: We're doing our best.

RAFA CAPARROS: Please tell me
your "best" isn't staking out

Max's house hoping to
catch him doing something.

(STUTTERS) We have leads. Don't worry.

Oh, I have leads too. Too
bad you can't post them.

- Especially this.
- (CELL PHONE PINGS)

- When did you get that?
- Last night. It's practically old news.

Will it be useless by the
time you're back in charge,

or will it pale in comparison
to what I write about you? XOXO.

We're not gonna find anything
to take out Max Wolfe.

What hasn't he already
done, and publicly?

Well, if we don't find dirt on him,

we have to find it on Rafa.

Unless we get a hold
of that video ourselves.

How? Crash the Wolfe Thanksgiving

and steal Max's phone to blackmail Rafa

into giving Gossip Girl back?

Of course we're doing that.

I wrangled up some guests.

Oh. At least one of us has friends.

Chin up, kiddo. A full table means

double the mac and cheese.

- Care to shred?
- Oh, Dad.

You know I'm the best cheddar shredder

- in the tri-state area.
- (CHUCKLES)

I'm glad you're in a better mood.

Yeah, well, I woke up today realizing

that I don't have to see Julien
for five whole days, and...

Obie loves me.

Um... he will be here around : .

Great. I'll set another place.

- JODI: Jules Dassin at MoMA?
- Seen 'em.

- The new Bi Gan?
- Got a screener.

Muppets Take Manhattan?

Why did Obie cancel?

He made other plans.

Did something happen between you?

Akeno!

I think we're just...

growing apart from each other
or something? I don't know.

Well, good friends grow together.

(GRUNTS)

Things just have been weird
since Dad did what he did.

Well, you think Obie doesn't accept you?

He's your best friend.

I didn't want to say anything

out of respect to your process...

but I want you to know I love you.

No matter if you're straight,

- or gay, or...
- I'm bisexual.

I love who you are without exception.

Your best friend should too.

Friendships are important.
You need to talk to him.

Have you asked why he's pulled away?

I mean, if he's not hanging with us,

what is he doing?

(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

Three's too many, don't you think?

- What?
- The pies.

- You went a little overboard.
- Oh. (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

I had a lot of energy to burn. Um...

Plus, I have a lot to
be grateful for today.

Aw.

We seem to be missing the knives.

Oh, um, I made sure that the turkey

was extra tender, so
no blades necessary.

Oh, honey,

I'm not an infant.

You don't have to babyproof for me.

Okay, I threw out all the alcohol too.

Sweetie... (CHUCKLES)

Come on, sit down.

Listen, I...

I so appreciate all the work
that you've put into this,

but I just spent the last two weeks

in a hospital room. (CHUCKLES) And...

now that I'm sitting here, I realize

I'd like to be in the world.

I would like to know

that there's more to
life than a table for two.

- Even if it is impeccably set.
- Of course. Um...

I think it's probably
too late to get a res...

Yeah.

Unless...

(MAGAZINE PAGES RUSTLING)

Since when is eating
Chinese in front of the TV

a black-tie affair?

Well, your father has
decided to take us out, Julie.

Are you planning something?

No. And that's not what I
wanted to talk to you about.

Okay. Well, what's the dress code?

I'm not really in a "see
and be seen" kind of mood.

I can help you pick something out.

I've been dying to see your closet.

Okay.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

- (KEYS JINGLING)
- (DOOR OPENS)

- AUDREY HOPE: Surprise!
- (TENSE MUSIC CONCLUDES)

DAVIS: Audrey? Katherine,
what are you...

You didn't call?

It's not like we're
interrupting a state dinner.

I mean, all they do is
sit on the couch all day

playing Mario Kart and eating takeout.

Why are you, um, in a suit?

I'm sorry, okay?

Oh...

I bet they've got
room where we're going.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

KATE: That place is a literal fortress.

I'm not gonna be able to get
in, let alone get his phone.

We don't need to get in. We
just have to keep them out.

- RECEPTIONIST: Eleven Madison Park.
- Yes. Hi.

This is Gideon Wolfe's
assistant, Jeff Cutler.

Mr. Wolfe and his party are
no longer able to attend.

RECEPTIONIST: Can I
put you on a brief hold?

How did she finagle a
last-minute reservation?

We're not allowed to ask till .

Dad, can we please go inside?

- Of course she's late.
- Please.

I don't know. She probably had
some errands to run, you know?

Oh, God, they're not
supposed to be here.

Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

This isn't some French farce.

We don't spring people's
errant, uninvolved husbands

- on them at dinner.
- Oh, Jesus.

Okay, okay, I had those photos for him,

then he tells me he's
spending the day alone.

- His choice.
- Looking at me

with those eyes of his,
just welling with tears.

- That... that didn't happen.
- (SHUSHES)

- Let's go, Max.
- SASKIA: No, no.

Yes. Yes. I know you can see
them out front right now, but...

- Hang up.
- ... you see, they have been invited to...

Uh, never mind. Bye.

MAX: No, Dad. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I told you, Saskia, it's a bad idea.

Darlings, darlings,
darlings, darlings, darlings.

This is Thanksgiving, okay?
I'm not even from here,

and I know what this holiday means.

No one's asking you to
move back in together.

We're just asking you to be adults.

Put the differences aside for one night.

We're still a family.

- We were a family.
- No, Dad...

- (ROY SACHS SIGHS)
- SASKIA: Darling, no. I'm sorry. Oh, God.

- It's going to... Oh, God.
- Told you. See? It wouldn't work.

- ROY: Absolutely ridiculous.
- JORDAN: Where'd they go?

- KATE: I don't know.
- ROY: What are you doing?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

- Darling, do you trust me?
- Never.

Okay. Well, you won't mind
what we're about to do.

- Oh, God.
- Taxi! Come on, come on.

Come on, come on, come on.
Quickly, quickly, quickly.

In you get, in you get.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Where are they going?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONCLUDES)

- Follow that cab!
- Follow that cab!

- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Happy Thanksgiving.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

These are your surprise guests?

We're here on your kind
invitation, Zoya. (CHUCKLES)

Mr. Lott, what a lovely, um...

what a lovely sweater. (CHUCKLES)

- I hope we're not intruding...
- Kiki, great to see you.

- Oh, thank you.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)

Oh, my God. Really?

Dad, if we hurry, we can still make

the : p.m. seating at Le Bernardin.

NICK: You made it.

Here I was thinking we were
going to some private chef

- home experience. Hi!
- NICK: You are. I'm the chef.

And I am handing in my notice.

- LOLA: Ooh, hot.
- NICK: Oh, that's a lot of pie.

ZOYA: Obie!

- Okay, let's go in my room.
- GUEST: No, um...

- Hey.
- OBIE: Hi.

- (KNOCKING)
- (DOORBELL RINGS)

You must be... Who must you be?

I'm Max Wolfe, Mr. Lott.

- NICK: Hey.
- Gideon, his father.

I'm so sorry. I thought we were invited.

Uh... The more the merrier.
You're more than welcome.

So nice to meet you.

- KATHERINE HOPE: Gideon.
- (GASPS) Oh!

- Oh, that upcycled cape!
- Keeks, my love, you're out.

You shouldn't be here. We're
not supposed to see you.

Believe it or not, this
isn't actually about you.

Although I can tell by
the tone of your voice,

you haven't dealt with
your partner problems.

- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- We're so sorry to show up like this.

- I'm Aki and this is my mom.
- Why is he here?

- Hi, I'm Jodi.
- Hi...

- everyone.
- And these are our teachers.

- NICK: Do we need more chairs?
- JODI: Oh, we're not staying.

- Where's Obie?
- He's around here somewhere.

- Jodi.
- Kiki!

BOTH: What are you doing
here? I asked you first.

Did you know Max was gonna be here?

(CHUCKLES) Delightful.

- (SIGHS)
- Is this weird? Zoya invited me.

No. Please. Our door is open to all.

- I'm Nick.
- Jordan Glassberg, computer science.

And I'm a lawyer.

- Coats?
- Down the hall to the left.

JODI: Did you say you're taking coats?

DAVIS: Hey, perfect. Oh, one more.

Whiskey neat, right?

- Thanks, Mr. Glassberg.
- You're welcome.

- Good memory.
- And Jordan?

Be careful with this one.

Uh, I don't know what he drinks.

- So, it's not serious.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Oh, we're not, um...

It's brand-new.

Gotcha. Well, I'm really glad you came.

MAX: Heads up!

Let me see about that drink.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

I didn't know that most of these people

were going to... gonna be here today.

Yeah. It's been a weird day, um...

But I'm glad you're here.
All I've wanted to do

- is sneak away and hang out with you.
- (CHUCKLES)

I was thinking maybe after,
we could... hang at your place?

I asked my dad, and he said it was okay.

Hang there? Why, uh...

why would we do that? (CHUCKLES)

Well, now that I know you feel how I do,

I thought maybe we could...

I mean, I'd like to...

- with you.
- (INHALES, EXHALES)

- OMG. Sister, sister.
- Just play along, okay?

On the count of three. One, two, three.

Oh, hello.

- (ZOYA CLEARING THROAT)
- We have coats.

- Don't mind us.
- Your moldings, they're just...

crown moldings, the best moldings.

- (ZOYA CLEARS THROAT)
- It is. (CHUCKLES)

- I'm gonna go see if your dad needs any help.
- Yeah.

If I could just get right by you...

- Yeah.
- If there's... Okay.

(CHUCKLES, CLEARS THROAT)

- She wants to have sex with him.
- Doesn't half the school?

No. Tonight. For the first time ever.

We can't let her lose her virginity

to the guy who's cheating
on her with her sister.

I can't believe I just
said that sentence.

Update, you are not the guidance
counselor at Sweet Valley High.

You are Gossip Girl. The
whole point is to highlight

how these people use and
abuse their power and privilege

to destroy people like...

You wanna keep your column?
Don't get in the way of it.

We have a phone to find and
a pile of coats to find it in.

Stop talking and start searching.

- (GUESTS CHATTERING)
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey! Show me a picture of your grandma.

She wants to sleep with me.

Of course she does. You
told her you loved her.

I don't want to sleep with her, though.

Well, of course you don't. You
shouldn't have told her you loved her.

Well, I... (LOUDLY) Do you
see why I'm confused right now?

Can you help me take
the bird out of the oven?

- I think she's ready.
- Yes, sir. Um...

Are we gonna have enough for
the... the ex all the extra guests?

- Luckily, there's a bunch of stuff.
- Okay.

As long as no one else shows up.

- Okay.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)

Should have seen that one coming.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

- MAX: (QUIETLY) Hey.
- Hi.

- Happy Thanksgiving.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(GASPS)

It's Saskia Bates.

- Did you have me chipped?
- Hey, both of you please, okay?

We're guests in someone else's home.

That's not true. Guests are welcome.

It's okay. I'll go. I wanted
Max to have Thanksgiving

with both of us, but uh, I'll go.

No. You don't get

- to be the mature one.
- (SIGHS)

Darling, at least they're talking, yes?

- Yeah. You want a drink?
- Yes. Yes, darling.

Hey. Uh... This is a
nonsmoking household.

Darling, I'm sure the host won't mind.

(CHUCKLES)

- Hi. (CHUCKLES)
- (CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) It's not here.

Probably because his phone
is attached to his hand

like every other person in the world.

One of us has to sit next to him.

NICK: Dinner's just about ready.

- Sorry to interrupt.
- You're not.

- We were just looking for, um...
- My, um, my... my...

inhaler.

Found it. Uh, I'm
gonna go get us a seat.

M... me a seat? Us a seat?

- He must know about you and me.
- Exactly.

I'd be lying if I said I
wasn't a little jealous.

- (CHUCKLES)
- But we can stay friends,

- I hope?
- Of course. Friends for sure.

(CHUCKLES)

- You know what? I'm gonna go.
- Of course you're staying.

Clearly, this is what our son wants,

and I'm not gonna hurt him any further.

You've done enough of that already.

Oh, what did you want me to
do, Gideon? Keep lying to you?

'Cause we know how much you love that.

Jesus. I'm sorry if my
feelings are complicated.

Complicated? Eating
foie gras is complicated.

Separating the art from
the artist is complicated.

Not wanting to f*ck your
husband isn't complicated.

It's pretty g*dd*mn simple.

Well, he doesn't, or didn't,
and I am oversimplifying

for dramatic effect, but it's...

What? Complicated?

- NICK: Dinner's ready.
- (JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Wow.
- Wow.

- Amazing.
- (CHUCKLES)

This has got to be the most
iconic Thanksgiving ever.

And you don't even know the
very exciting reason why.

Ooh, keep us in suspense.

Oh, it's even crazier that you're here.

I didn't wanna be that fan, but I saw

your National Theatre Live Cat
on a Hot Tin Roof, and wept.

That was Sienna Miller, darling.

No, I'm sure that was you.

- No.
- (CHUCKLES)

What are you doing after
this? I was thinking

maybe we could all watch a movie.

- I'm hanging with Obie.
- Is that really what you want?

Or do you wanna spend
some time with your family?

No. I want to spend time
with my boyfriend, alone.

Obie, Aki has something
he'd like to ask you.

- About what?
- AKI: No, I don't.

Yes, he does.

Have you been avoiding
him since you found out?

Since I found out what?

All right. This is a good
time maybe for us to go.

No, darling. No. No. Don't be so rude.

Look, Mick has prepared
this wonderful food.

- Who?
- Mick.

- No. It's Nick.
- SASKIA: Huh?

- It's N... Nick.
- I like Mick. It's earthier. Don't you think?

I just think maybe you aren't ready

to spend time with your boyfriend alone.

- I said it was okay.
- Yeah, but maybe you shouldn't have.

- Julien.
- I'm just looking out for you.

- You're too young.
- Too young for what?

You have to admit you've been weird.

I have not.

So, you're saying you're cool with me?

Look, I would have preferred
if you had told me yourself.

- I am telling you.
- Okay. And I'm... I'm fine with it.

What are you even still doing here?

If you wanna go, go. Leaving,
very on brand for you.

- What are you talking about?
- NICK: Yes. Please tell us.

Just maybe don't tell everyone.

Uh, I may have my
faults, Gideon, but, uh,

your behavior hasn't helped.

- My behavior?
- ROY: Yeah.

Because you've been such a
stellar example for our son.

At least I know what he's up to.

Up to? He's not up to
anything since you left us.

Oh, I'm talking about what's going on

- with his teacher, okay?
- (COUGHS)

Dad, Julien is just jealous
of my relationship with Obie,

and so she's trying
to sabotage it again.

I'm not trying to sabotage anything.

AKI: How about we talk about it tonight?

Our usual post-Thanksgiving sleepover?

- I have plans with Zoya.
- No, you don't.

- Yes, he does.
- Then, tomorrow?

Look, what are you... (SIGHS)
What are you doing, man?

I have no problem with you being...

- you know, being...
- What?

- You can say it, can't you?
- I can... (SIGHS)

But the "too young" part?

- Dad, she's... she's just lying.
- Lying about what, Zoya?

(SCOFFS) It's Thanksgiving.
Stop it, both of you, right now.

Stop Zoya from making
a terrible mistake?

- Somebody has to.
- Is that a dig at me?

AKI: You know what? We
don't have to hang tonight

or tomorrow or ever.

Audrey and I are gonna be too busy

- f*cking Max again anyway.
- JODI: Akeno!

- (COUGHS)
- (KIKI LAUGHS)

- AUDREY: That's...
- Oh, God.

Can anyone trade seats with me?

- I will.
- Wait, is that a joke?

GIDEON: Your teacher?
You knew about this?

Rafa's only ten years older than me.

That's less age
difference between you two.

GIDEON: Oh, yeah, but
Pops was never my teacher.

Can we go back to the "too young" part?

You could have kept
the "f*cking" part out

in front of my mom, but,
uh, I am very proud of you.

I have some follow-up questions,
but I'm proud of you too.

I'm just really processing
a lot of information.

If your mother could see
both of you right now...

Stop using her to manipulate us.

For once, I agree with my sister.

This is the exact reason that
Nick and I did this tonight.

Now, we've had it with the
back and forth. It stops now.

- You don't get to...
- No more!

We're serious.

It took you guys years to
be in the same room together.

Stop acting like it was so easy for...

Oh, you have no idea how hard it was.

It still is. But we do it for you.

(SIGHS) It's not
Rafa's fault. It's mine.

I went after him. I pursued him.

He said we shouldn't, repeatedly,

but I wore him down.

And I'm not proud of it.

I feel pretty f*cked
up about it, actually.

I've wanted him to feel bad, but...

I don't know.

It wasn't his fault.

Not just his fault.

When you were born, your mother
and I were still legally married.

And I was so angry at her...

for leaving us. Angrier at him.

And when she got admitted
to the hospital to have you,

I was the one who got the call.

I was her husband, after all.

And I didn't know that she was sick,

uh, that her pregnancy
had been so risky.

All I knew was that this was
my chance to hurt them both

for what they'd done to me.

So I went to the hospital

and I told them I was her husband...

Which he was.

... and to not to let anyone else in.

And they didn't.

- But...
- DAVIS: Not only did your father

not get to be there for your birth...

he never got to see your mother again.

- (GASPS)
- (GASPS)

- How could you?
- Yeah, that's... that's...

You need to understand...

I would have done the same thing.

What?

I did a truly terrible thing,

and because of it, you girls
never got to know each other.

- But if I can sit here now...
- If we can.

If we can sit here together
as a family, then...

you two can get past whatever it is

that is going on between
you. You're sisters.

Do not screw it up for another years.

SASKIA: I lied.

I didn't just come back to
get you two back together.

I was fired from the Mike Leigh movie.

Sorry, Gideon darling, I
wasn't going to say anything,

but then, I don't know, I just did.

- (DOG WHIMPERS)
- Aw.

- (SNIFFLES)
- GIDEON: Oh, bear.

- (GROANS)
- Everyone gets fired sometimes.

But this was my second strike
after that zoom Polanski.

You know? Everyone gave
their fee to charity,

but I didn't get Gal's text
till it was in the Daily Mail.

ROY: We're sorry. We're very sorry.

SASKIA: You know you're the
only people I really love, and...

I just didn't want to be alone.

You three have always been so strong,

I thought you could get
through everything. I...

darling, I need to believe
that so that I can too.

Please.

Okay, fine.

I'll listen to it.

- (GLASS CLINKS)
- (GIGGLES)

I know that I've been,
uh, teasing for hours

about how tonight is special.

And I promised Davis I
wouldn't say anything,

but, uh, in light of the
truths that we're sharing...

we're engaged. (GIGGLES)

Oh, Jesus.

Why would my dad say
to stay away from you?

Me? That's ridiculous.

He left a voicemail saying,
"Stay away from Julien."

Did you do something?

No. She, uh, no. No, she didn't.
Aki, why are you sh*t-stirring?

- Stop.
- Listen to it yourself.

Must be better than clickbait
to get on my dad's radar.

ROGER MENZIES: (OVER
PHONE) I forgot to mention.

Just for a little while, at
least, stay away from Julien.

- Holy sh*t.
- AKI: I know, right?

ROGER: If you call me back,
I'll talk you through it.

- You slept together.
- What?

- Of course we didn't.
- Aki, can I hear that?

You wanna hear my dad's voicemail?

- LOLA MORGAN: Who is his dad?
- Roger Menzies.

- Oh, that old billionaire?
- We're divorced.

- Did you or didn't you?
- OBIE: No, we did not.

Zoya, of course we did not. No.

- Yes, we did.
- No, we did... No, we did not.

Yes, we did.

It was a mistake, and it
will never happen again.

- (PHONE RINGING)
- I think you better leave.

(QUIETLY) Hey.

Okay.

Whoo! (CHUCKLES) Excuse us.

What we sent is all we have.

RAFA: It's all you
needed. Check your IG.

I wanted revenge on him. A student.

A -year-old kid.

When you sent that, it became clear,

I needed him to want me

because when he did...

I didn't have to face what I was doing.

Thank you for sending
the only video I needed.

I just got off the phone
with the Burton. I quit.

You did? That's...

the exact thing that you should do.

RAFA: And if I were you, I'd quit too.

What you're doing to those kids...

I read the DMs that came in all day.

Each one more vicious than the next.

They're turning against each other.

You're not making them better, Kate.

Be careful.

You've read enough to know this
doesn't end well, for anyone...

especially you.

I'll be right back, okay?

I wanna make this very clear
because I wanna make sure

that you really, truly hear me.

- Z...
- I could have handled

the first boy I've ever
loved cheating on me.

But the fact that it was with you...

that you kept it a secret
from me, lied to me?

There's no coming back from that.

We're not sisters.

We're not friends.

We're not even enemies.

We're nothing.

(INHALES)

- (KIKI LAUGHING)
- I am so sorry about tonight.

Why? That was like the best
Thanksgiving I've ever had.

- Ever?
- Yeah.

I have been so wrapped
up in my own bullshit,

I completely forgot how messed up

other people's lives
are. It's not just me.

- You have no idea.
- Well...

- Okay. I'm gonna get us a Lyft.
- I wanna walk.

- Okay. We can walk.
- By myself.

- Why?
- (LAUGHS)

It's been so long since
I've felt free and hopeful

and full of possibility.
You know what I mean?

- Yeah, I do.
- Yeah. I know you do.

- Mom, stop.
- (LAUGHS)

- I love you.
- I love you so much.

Text me when you get home, okay?

KIKI: Okay, Mom.

- I'm so sorry.
- Whoa.

- I thought... Oh, my gosh.
- (GRUNTS)

- Are you okay? Here.
- I'm... (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) Oh...

- Here.
- Thank you.

I think I drank a... a
little too much. (CHUCKLES)

I was just so afraid I
would spill our secret.

(SIGHS)

No one applauded, or
even said congratulations.

Saskia Bates didn't
even wanna see the ring.

I'm pretty sure that
Julien doesn't like me.

This is not what I thought
being engaged would feel like.

I'm so...

sad. (CRIES)

(STUTTERS) Everyone was distracted.

I... I'm sure Julien
will come around and...

You know, I've wanted him
to propose for so long,

but, like, did he propose
because he loves me

or because he doesn't want
me to testify against him?

("LOSING TRUE" BY THE ROCHES PLAYING)

♪ I'm lo... ♪

♪ Sing you ♪

♪ Fa... ♪

AKI: Mom, why'd you close the door?

You boys have a nice night.

♪ Aging and... ♪

♪ Aching and... ♪

JORDAN: You need to say something.

You need to post what Lola told you.

Jordan, I can't. It's too
big. It's... it's not right.

But no one knows.

They shouldn't learn it from us.

You... Well, you have to give something.

Gossip Girl can't tease and not deliver.

Fine. I'll use the other thing.
I didn't wanna it post before,

but I guess it doesn't matter now.

The damage is already done.

GOSSIP GIRL: Traditions
can't stay that way forever.

People leave. Places
close. Things change.

But promises can be kept if
you really want them to be.

And one I can make you?

I'll never leave you alone again.

What I can't promise?
That I won't hurt you.

That I'll stop exposing your lies.

That I'll no longer hold
your face to the glass

and force you to look at
what you don't want to see.

I exist because you exist.
I'm here because you made me.

You think this gives me pleasure?

I'd love nothing to expose.

I pray for no pain.

But we both know that's
never going to happen.

The only way you're getting rid of me

is by getting rid of
what makes you, you.

So go ahead. I dare
you. Break tradition.

Change.

That's one secret I'd love to tell.

But until then,

I'll have to be thankful for what I get.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)