11x04 - Only Mama Knows

[bunniefuu]

Also, with the laparoscopic common bile duct exploration, post-op bile leaks and strictures are significantly minimized. It was called, at the time, an "audacious technique". And it was.

[Laughter]

[Chuckles]

Some context for you. I was the only woman in my surgical residency program. They called me "girl" and "Mrs. Grey."

[Laughter]

Along with the one black male resident, I was clearly excluded. They didn't want me to be a part of their boys' club. So I did the only audacious thing you can do with an audacious technique. I got myself published in the Journal of American Medicine. That caused an uproar.

A resident was not first author of a published paper. But the truly audacious part came when they saw what I named my technique... the Grey method. I put my own name on it. You should have heard the boys roar about that.

[Laughter, applause]

The first time I won the Harper Avery, I dedicated it to the men who had been so supportive.

[Laughter, applause]

[Remote clicks]

Meredith: This is how my mother wanted to be remembered.

My memory of her is... A little bit different.

Ellis: Where is the chief?! You're all amateurs!

Woman: Complaining of intermittent cramping...

What the hell are you doing here? Haven't I told you?

How many times have I told you not to bother me when I'm at work?!

I'm sure everyone remembers their own version of her... versions I wouldn't even recognize.

It's all that's really left of someone when they're gone.

[Crying] No.

But that's the tricky thing...

Meredith.

Nobody's memory is perfect or complete.

Mommy.

Meredith, get up.

We jumble things up.

[Siren wailing]

We lose track of time.

We are in one place...

And another.

[Baby crying]

And it all feels like one long, inescapable moment.

[Siren wailing]

It's just like my mother used to say...

The carousel never stops turning.

Meredith: I spent the day with Alex.

I needed a day, Derek, so I took it.

That's fine. I just need to know why.

No, you don't. You want to hear that I cured cancer or that I found a vaccine for ALS before breakfast.

That'd be great. Anything would be great.

There it is again.

What?

You're waiting for me to pay up for this grand sacrifice that you made for our family.

How am I supposed to do anything with you pressuring me and hovering over me for a decision that you made?

And you're waiting for me to fail.

I'm waiting for you to shine.

Remember? That's why you're staying here.

And I told you, you should go to D.C. and shine there.

It was you who decided to stay here and martyr yourself and now make me feel guilty because of a decision you made.

Well, I am done.

I'm done feeling guilty, and I am done measuring my accomplishments against yours.

I won't do it anymore.

Just stay out of my way.

Wow. You sound just like your mother.

What happened to you?

Listen to me, Meredith...

Anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy, but not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life.

I raised you to be an extraordinary human being.

So imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover that you're no more than ordinary.

What happened to you?!

[Breathing heavily]

This is crazy.

Is has to stop.

I didn't hear you complaining a few minutes ago.

I heard something.

I wouldn't call it complaining.

We're gonna get caught.

[Scoffs]

We've had so many close calls already.

[Sighs]

Is what we're doing so wrong?

Don't be naive.

Seattle's a small city with a small-town mentality.

So let's leave Seattle.

Richard, you deserve to be happy.

[Indistinct conversations]

What?

Nothing.

Just surprised to see you here.

I'm working here.

Oh.

[Elevator bell dings]

What?

Nothing. That's great.

Just, um... well, I thought Bailey won the board seat.

She did.

They hired me back as a peds surgery attending.

Oh! That's great.

That's really good. That's awesome for you.

Congratulations, man.

Okay, you know what?

Shut it. I am a great surgeon.

It's not like they're doing me a favor. I'm doing them a favor.

Besides, Robbins told me that board vote was very close.

Okay. O-of course.

[Elevator bell dings]

What?

Nothing. Just...

I will assign you to impacted bowels for a month.

They'll call you "pooper scooper."

Robbins told Bailey it was unanimous.

[Elevator bell dings]

Robbins.

Ah, there you are. Hey, welcome back.

Can I talk to you?

Yeah. Marty Secord in 2313... his liver enzymes are looking good, but I'm worried he might have to go back in for an ERCP, so you make sure you keep an eye on it.

[Cellphone chimes]

Oh. Ugh, I hear you, Dr. Herman. Give me two minutes.

God, you have no idea how lucky you were to have me as a teacher during your fellowship.

We have to talk... one minute.

[Cellphone chimes] My God, I am coming.

[Cellphone dings] Oh, no. No. Bummer.

[Cellphone dings]

Wait. Maggie Pierce is quitting?!

I know. I'm into it.

Avery, tell me I'm not losing another cardio chief.

I am into it, all right?

My mother's already called me twice.

It's a P.R. nightmare.

Miranda: She's damn right it is... first Russell, then Yang, now Pierce?

Yang and I busted our asses interviewing people, and now I have to start this whole process over?

Well, evidently, because it looks like we hire from week to week.

We're a revolving door.

Hey, you heard about Pierce?

Uh, yeah, I just read the e-mail.

Well, what should we do?

I don't see anything we can do.

Well... I mean, we should talk to her.

Not me.

We... okay, well, I didn't mean you!

I meant all of us!

We should get the whole board together, do a full-court press.

Uh, yeah, yeah. You spearhead that.

Well, I will.

Lucky for you, the board just got a transfusion of new blood.

Maybe I could keep this place from looking like a clown car.

Maggie Pierce cannot quit.

You cannot quit.

Maggie: Uh-huh. Word's out. How you feeling, Roy?

[Sleepily] I like this mattress.

I got to get me one of these.

Mine is all foofy.

[Laughs]

We will see what we can do.

What is this about you resigning?

Graft's deployed. Let's inject the dye.

Will you at least tell me why you're leaving?

That is between me and my employer, Dr. Shepherd.

I'm seeing diminished perfusion to the spine.

Roy, wiggle your toes for me, would you, please?

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

[Laughs]

Like that?

Wiggle a little harder.

Let me check his Babinski reflex.

[Metal clicking]

When the toes fan out reflexively, what's that indicate?

Jo: Just what you're afraid of... high spinal injury.

Is he paralyzed?

Try it again.

Roy: S-something's wrong?

I can't feel my legs.

What's happening?

Roy, it's possible that the blood to your spine has been cut off by the graft, but I'm gonna do everything I can to fix it, okay?

Okay. Please do. Please.

I'm gonna give you something to let you sleep.

Start with trying to induce hypertension.

See if we can enhance spinal perfusion.

Meredith: Did you get Maggie Pierce's e-mail?

I did, yes.

Are you going to talk to her again?

She won't listen.

She doesn't trust me.

She's angry I didn't tell her sooner.

So am I.

I just still can't even remember my mother being pregnant.

I just... I need that journal from the spring of '83.

Do you have that one?

Uh, yeah, I have them here.

I mean, we both looked at them a hundred times.

It's mostly surgical stuff.

Can you just dig it out for me, please?

Okay.

Help! Can you help, please?

Come with me.

What happened?

I was just dropping my friend off when I saw her here.

She was lying... she was all alone.

Run inside and tell someone I need a gurney!

[Girl whimpering]

Honey, I'm a doctor.

What's your name?

Nadia.

Nadia, tell me where it hurts.

Everywhere.

Oh, God.

[Groaning]

Grey's Anatomy 11x04
Only Mama Knows

This is insane.

Is she laboring?

Blood pressure's really low... 78 over 45.

Let's get her a 600 cc fluid bolus.

Nadia, Nadia, how far along are you?

10.

10 months?

Alex: She's saying she's 10 years old.

She doesn't know what you're talking about.

Meredith: Rigid abdomen with generalized tenderness.

Edwards, let's get the ultrasound.

Nadia, where are your parents?

If she has a mother, where the hell's her mother?

Well, she should be in prison.

Nadia, I need you to sit still.

[Groans]

I know. I know.

I just need to see if...

Just needed to see...

[Sighs] Okay. Okay.

Whew.

What?

She's not pregnant. It's not a baby.

Looks like a mass, and there's free fluid.

Oh, thank God. That was getting dark.

Nadia: [Moaning]

A mass the size of a soccer ball is still pretty dark.

Okay, forget the C.T.

She's hypotensive with peritonitis.

This mass may have ruptured.

We really should get her up to the O.R.

I'll call up.

And then let's call the police and Child Protective Services.

Letting your kid get this sick and then abandoning her is still child abuse.

Okay.

Amy, what do you need?

Maggie: On "three." One, two, three.

Looks like paralysis caused by S.C.I. during a tevar procedure.

I've induced hypertension and adjusted the stent to alleviate, but nothing has worked.

He needs immediate spinal-cord drainage.

You're here. Why do you need me?

I have stuff to do.

I thought you could take it.

Perks of being chief of neuro.

And this might be your last chance to work together.

I was just telling Dr. Pierce why I thought her departure was such a bad idea.

I know, right?

I thought, you've been here longer than I have, you and Meredith.

Thought maybe you could talk about it.

Derek's easy to talk to.

You can tell him anything... anything.

[Chuckles]

Gown and glove, please.

Don't you have stuff to do?

Yes. Good luck. Good talk.

[Indistinct conversations]

Young Richard: The Journal of American Medicine... unbelievable.

What's not to believe?

The method.

You're calling... you actually named it the Grey method?

Well, what else am I gonna call it? It's my name.

It's a little... audacious.

Meredith: Is that it?

Yeah. Spring of '83.

Is there anything in there?

There's some surgical notes, ideas.

Maybe you'll see something. I didn't.

I have a surgery. Thanks for this.

Miranda: We need to talk about Maggie Pierce.

Bailey...

The e-mail said for professional and personal reasons.

Now, you know what that could be?

Well, why would I?

Well, you talk to her.

Bailey, she resigned.

We can't hold her against her will.

I'm not saying that.

I'm saying, we change her will.

I'm trying to get the board together, but I think you need to talk to her like you used to talk to me, you know, when I was first here and I didn't know my ass from my elbow.

I probably would have quit... damn it, Bailey, she's leaving!

I can't do anything about it.

Just let it go.

Maggie: Almost done draining, Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: You know, I'm just curious... speaking as someone who just had a pretty great job and then turned it down, I know a rash decision can be pretty disastrous.

Could we just call it a bad fit?

We could if you'd been here long enough to know that.

It's not the job.

Then what is it?

I'm sure your wife has told you.

How we doing?

My wife... told me what?

Oh.

Look, I know you two have butted heads and she hasn't been welcoming.

To say the least. She's just one surgeon.

Why don't you just, you know, stay away from her until you figure out...

It's not as simple as...

[Heart monitor beeping]

Oh, God.

You don't know... Anything.

I'm sorry. What's going on?

You should talk to your wife.

Yeah, okay. Let's get him on his back.

On "three."

One, two, three.

[Exhales sharply]

Amy: Derek, Babinski reflex?

[Metal clicking]

Damn it.

I'm sorry, Dr. Pierce.

You did everything you could, but this man is paralyzed.

No.

Nope. Prep for a sternotomy.

I need a bypass machine in here, stat.

Wilson, go get his wife's consent for an open-heart surgery.

What are you planning on doing?

Maggie: I am going to fix it.

You can help if you want, but if you're not gonna help, I need you out of the way.

[Door closes]

Meredith: Mom?

Mommy?

Meredith...

Ellis: You grew up.

I did.

Hmm. It's a shame.

It's awful being a grown-up.

But the carousel never stops turning.

You can't get off.

[Water running]

Richard: You page me?

What do you got?

Yeah.

Do you remember the day you met my mom at the carousel?

What? That... that's what you...

I remember this day.

I was on the carousel at the park and you came and then you were arguing and she said something to you.

Do you remember what she said?

Meredith, that was a long time ago.

[Sighs]

I-I don't remember.

Is that all you wanted?

Yeah, I just thought...

Forget it.

[Sighs heavily]

I was thinking about what you said, and it might be better for them...

Thatcher and Adele... ultimately.

Of course it would.

Let them findpeople who make them happy.

I never wanted to...

I never wanted to cheat...

Never imagined myself a cheater.

You have the power to change that, Richard.

It's in your hands.

I've been ready to do this for a long time.

The question is, are you?

[Sighs] The wife gave consent.

That's lucky. I've been in his chest for a while now.

That was a bold bet.

Wait. Is... is that an aneurysm sac?

Did you just fix that?

Yeah, but now I'm gonna use it to bring blood back to the spinal cord.

Wait. I'm lost.

Yeah. I was, too, for a while.

He is paralyzed because his aorta isn't sending blood to his spine.

So I replaced the aorta with a Dacron graft, and now I'm rebuilding the aneurysm into a second aorta that will just send blood to the spine, kind of like a side road.

Is that... you can do that?

Not many could, but she is.

I can see why you want to keep her around.

Well, yeah, and...

Never mind.

And it'll work?

God knows.

It's a last-ditch effort.

Take me with you when you go.

Suction. And get another 6-0 of prolene ready.

Well, don't just stand there, Wilson. Scrub in.

Meredith: Okay, the tumor has taken over the abdominal cavity.

It's pushed the viscera over to one side.

Let's de-bulk as much of this mass as we can, unblock, and when we get closer to the organs, we can resect it piece by piece.

Fine.

What?

Edwards told me.

You guys were unanimous for Bailey.

Who told you that?

Dr. Bailey.

Why would she do that?

I kind of had her back.

And you should have had mine.

You listened to my speech. You said it was good.

It was good.

Then what the hell, then?

Bailey's was better.

Well, that's great.

Alex, you would make a fine board member, but Bailey will make an exceptional one.

Is that what you want me to do... vote for you to be good, to be fine?

You want my pity vote?

I wouldn't.

Okay.

He is coming around.

Want to do the honors?

Roy. Roy, are you with us?

[Groaning]

Roy, you're okay. The surgery is all done.

I just need you to wiggle your toes for me.

Can you do that?

[Groaning]

Roy, wiggle your toes, okay?

Roy, wiggle your toes.

[Sighs]

Jo: Unbelievable.

[Cheers and applause]

All right, get him sedated and get him up to recovery.

And good work, everybody. Thank you all.

She keeps saying talk to my wife. Do you know what she means?

I might.

Well?

But I'm not talking about anything I might have learned in A.A. about someone...

Because I made a pledge there.

But someone else might know what I can't talk about.

Is Pierce in A.A.?

No. No! So you should definitely talk to her.

She'll just say talk to my wife.

Then you should talk to your wife.

[Sighs]

Meredith: Edwards, you ready?

Uh-huh.

[Sighs]

It's invading everything.

I'm literally peeling it off the spleen.

And it's 7.8 pounds. Wow.

7.8 pounds of lousy parenting.

But she does have a Dutch braid.

It's like a French one, but only harder to do.

I used to do it for my sister when my mom was strung out.

Took me an hour, and it still fell apart.

Only a saint or her mother would take the time to do something like this.

You need an extra set of hands?

No, we're good. Thanks. Metz?

Alex: She takes the time to do her daughter's hair.

How the hell does she let her develop an 8-pound tumor?

Well, you and I know something about crazy mothers.

Be careful. It's impinging on the left hepatic vein.

I see it.

[Heart monitor beeping rapidly]

Damn it.

Where are you? Where are you? Got it!

Meredith: She's bleeding out from her liver.

I'm packing, but I can't control it.

More laps. Hang another unit of blood?

Right away.

Edwards, more suction. I said clamp, now!

Another. Another.

One b*llet went through the right lower quadrant and perfed the colon.

A penetrating injury to the liver here.

I need more laps!

She's crashing.

We got to stop this bleed. Suction.

Alex: Come on. Come on!

Meredith: Bulky 4-0 silk for ligation.

It's not working. We're gonna lose her.

[Heart monitor beeping rapidly]

What about a balloon tamponade?

What?

A balloon tamponade.

That could control a penetrating liver injury.

It should.

Yes. Get me a foley catheter.

You might need more...

More than one. I know.

Foley... now. Let's go.

[Heart monitor beeping rapidly]

You think that'll hold the bleed?

It's the best chance we've got.

Bulky clamp.

[Beeping continues]

[Sighs]

Inflating the balloon.

[High-pitched beeping]

I'll be damned.

Nice work, Dr. Grey.

[Applause]

B.P.'S climbing.

[Applause]

Alex: That's amazing.

How the hell did you think of that?

I don't know.

You okay?

She's fine. You saved her. She's... she's fine.

Yeah, I'm okay.

[Heart monitor beeping]

Ellis: There's never gonna be a good time.

We just have to do it quickly, rip off the bandage.

I'll tell Adele... Tonight.

[Chuckles]

I'll tell Thatcher.

My heart's racing. We're really gonna...

Man: Dr. Grey?

[Knock on door] Dr. Grey? Excuse me.

One minute!

Yes, chief?

Sorry, Dr. Grey.

Um, I just received a very interesting phone call.

Your lap method... The one you just published.

The Grey method.

The Grey method, yes.

Um, it's just been placed on the short list of nominations for the Harper Avery award.

Are y... it is? Are you kidding?

No surgical resident has ever made that list before.

I only hope we can, uh, convince you to stay in Seattle?

Well, that's very...

No, I know.

You'll have your veritable pick after this.

Um, very well done, Grey.

Oh, the board would like to see you to, uh...

Of course.

Meredith.

Derek, not now.

Five minutes. Just five minutes.

[Sighs] Derek, I swear to God, I can't do this right now.

I am sorry about the thing I said about your mother.

Why? You meant it.

It was in the heat of the moment. I-I just...

You know, you wanted to hurt me, and you did that, so at least have the guts to stand by it.

Will you just hear me out?

You could do worse than compare me to a brilliant surgeon, but you meant it in the sense that I am cold and ambitious and selfish, a horrible wife and mother.

I got that.

Well, I love how you just switch it around so you can make it fit...

You think I sound like my mother? You do.

And now I get to live under the weight of your disappointment, too?

Because of something you gave up.

If you recall, I gave it up for you.

Oh, you gave it up for me, but I don't want it.

Go. You should get on the next flight out.

Call the president and get the job back.

Just go.

[Sighs heavily]

Young Ellis: Blood.

It's just blood.

Meredith, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. [Gasps]

[Body thuds]

[Dial tone]

[Dialing]

[Ringing]

Operator: 911. What's your emergency?

My mother tried to k*ll herself.

[Siren wailing]

[Indistinct talking]

You're a very resourceful little girl.

You know that?

You might have saved your mother's life.

Someone from child protective services come here yet?

He's right there.

You're still here.

Yes. Uh, I was just worried about the little girl.

Is she okay?

She's gonna be fine.

Thank God.

Child Protective Services is here for her, so...

Is that a Dutch braid?

When did she get sick... your daughter?

When did this start?

I just want to see her. Please...

No, you can't see her, but you can come talk to Child Protective Services with me.

No, I want to make sure she's okay.

And they are going to call the police.

No. No, you can't do that.

You don't understand. We have no papers, undocumented.

That's no excuse to abandon your kid.

They will take her from me.

I've seen it to people I know.

They go to sleep in a surgical room, they wake up in a plane or in a different country.

It's called medical repatriation, and it's not something that we do here.

I was afraid to even bring her here.

You think I didn't want to help her?

What are my choices?

They do the surgery.

Then they send us back to a country where we starve or... or... or I will work as a prost*tute, or even worse, they'll make her a prost*tute, and no one says anything about it.

That is one choice.

The other choice is I ignore it and I pray and I hope that she's okay [voice breaking] and I hope that whatever my little girl has goes away.

And after a while, these choices... they make you crazy.

And after a while, I-I say to myself that she's fine.

Then after a while, I... I don't see the tumor when I look at her...

Because what is the alternative?

[Knock on door]

Yep?

So, uh, you're leaving.

For sure?

[Sighs]

You should talk to your wife.

Oh, no, that's, uh... that's not an option.

So, I'm asking you.

You know, i-it's not really my place to say.

And, honestly, I'm tired of saying it 'cause every time I do, it just gets worse.

What? What gets worse? What are you talking about?

She's my sister.

My parents, my birth parents...

Are Ellis Grey and Richard Webber.

Your wife's my sister. So you should talk to your wife.

That's... so, Richard's your father.

Yes.

And Meredith is your sister.

Half-sister.

I thought she would have told you.

Oh, no, no, we're not, um... uh, Meredith is terrible with sisters, just so you know, and, uh, I-I'm not.

I love sisters. I have a bunch of them. And, um...

I'm glad you told me. [Laughs]

It's nice to meet you.

[Laughs]

It's nice to meet you.

Oh!

This is very strange.

Yeah, I got to go.

Okay, don't leave... okay?... Until we talk again.

Just... Don't leave.

[Keyboard clacking]

Okay, what is the deal with you and Pierce?

Bailey, please.

See, every time I bring her name up to you, you look like I just stabbed you in the chest.

Now, I think she's leaving because of you.

All right, you don't want to tell me what happened, you don't have to, but... Did something happen?

She's my daughter... mine and Ellis Grey's.

[Gasps]

Oh, thank you, God.

What?!

Oh, no, no!

I-I thought you had had sex with that girl.

Bailey!

Wait. But that's why she's leaving?

She doesn't want anything to do with me.

Well, then, she doesn't know you, or she would stay.

Now, you have to go talk to her.

I think I'm too late.

No such thing.

I wish I could go back.

I'd do everything so differently.

We would've had a wonderful life together, Ellis.

You think so?

I do.

We would've done our fellowship here, and then you would've fought me for chief and probably won.

[Laughs]

And... I wouldn't have minded because we'd have the kids at home.

We have kids?

Meredith would've needed a brother and sister.

Kids need family.

I would be fine, and we could grow old together.

[Cries]

My life is so unfinished.

It's unfinished, and I'm not finished.

No. No, Ellis.

[Cries]

Don't think that.

Just close your eyes...

[Cries]

And think of the family, of the house...

And you there every night to come home to.

[Cries]

And me there.

[Sighs]

I lied to you before...

About what happened that day at the carousel.

I remember what she said.

I remember what I said.

I remember everything.

[Sighs]

It was a Thursday afternoon.

We had made a pact...

She would leave Thatcher, and I would leave Adele.

Your mother had just received her first Harper Avery nomination.

She was so excited.

And I was... jealous.

Not like healthy competition.

A hateful, hopeless jealousy... too far ahead to catch up to.

Her success illuminated everything I hadn't yet accomplished.

The night before, as I worked up the nerve to tell Adele, I thought of your mother.

I thought of what she could do at such a young age.

I thought of what she would do.

And I thought...

"I will spend my life feeling like this... "

"My entire life."

So I ruined it.

[Sighs]

Young Richard: You have a child.

Young Ellis: Don't say that. I won't listen. Richard.

I'm sorry. I can't.

No, please, please, please, please!

Ellis, no.

Richard, Richard, you can't leave me.

Richard! Richard!

Richard!

[Crying]

Are you okay?

We have to go home. We have to go home.

We have to go home.

And then she took me home.

Richard: Yes.

And then she attempted su1c1de.

[Sighs]

We would have had a whole other life.

Everything after that was my fault.

I made the wrong choice for the wrong reason.

And there's hardly a day goes by that I don't...

I'm so sorry.

I bet you are.

Ellis: He's gone back to Adele.

Yes.

Of course he has.

Mom...

He's afraid...

Afraid to be happy.

And I'm all alone.

Now I have to raise my daughter alone.

[Voice breaking] How am I expected to do that?

Alex: She's pretty skittish.

Ana, we need to talk to you.

No. No, you said we will be all right.

It's okay. You're safe. Calm down.

You can't take her from me.

I'm going. I'm go...

Nadia is safe.

I spoke to CPS.

I told them the whole thing was a huge misunderstanding and that I made a mistake.

These people are lawyers from the hospital, and they are going to help you.

Ana, they're gonna work with you, explain your rights, help with the payment plan.

No one's gonna deny Nadia medical treatment, and no one's gonna take her away, but you have to bring her here to me for her treatments.

Do you understand?

Okay, I'm going to bring them in now.

Hi.

No, no, no, I didn't vote for you.

Oh, like a month ago, you were all, "tell me if you need help.

I will help you." So full of crap.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

If you didn't want to vote for me, fine, but then why lie to my face about it?

Because I didn't think that you'd take the attending job if you knew.

Look, if you're trying to be a mentor or whatever, right now you're sucking.

No, I'm not your mentor!

I-I mean, I am if you need me to be,

but I need you to not need me to be.

That's why I didn't vote for you.

Listen, I spent the day observing a fetal shunt placement, trying to suck up to a woman who I'm 100% positive hates me.

The only reason that I could even try to do that is because you handled that little girl's case so beautifully.

I need to take a step back from peds surgery if I'm gonna make this fellowship work...

And if I'm gonna keep my marriage from falling apart.

And the only way that I can even try to do that is if... is if you're here, doing everything that I can't do.

I don't need you to be my fellow anymore, Alex.

I need you to be me.

You're the only one I can trust to do that.

I should be making a lot more money.

A lot. A lot.

Derek: Ah, no, stop. Stop.

We're not fighting. The fighting is over.

I am calling a halt to it.

God, Derek, you don't just get to do that, decide when we're moving, decide when a fight is over.

What if I'm not done fighting?

Oh, it's... it's not over. I can guarantee you that.

We'll probably fight tomorrow and the next day, and this is gonna last for a while, but right now we're gonna have a truce.

A truce?

Yes.

Why?

You have a sister.

You're losing her, Meredith, and you shouldn't.

You have a sister and you don't tell me? This can't happen.

When stuff like this comes up, you have to let me know.

I... we put all our other stuff aside, and it's like I...

I need to know that you're okay.

Are you?

Are you okay?

Young Ellis: We have to go home.

[Baby crying]

Woman: Would you like to hold her?

No. Absolutely not. No.

Don't be afraid.

Richard and Ellis had a kid.

[Sighs]

I remember moving to Boston.

I remember the two of us basically hiding out in an apartment.

And I remember she cried a lot.

And I remember her belly getting big.

And I knew I wasn't supposed to make any noise.

And then her water broke on the kitchen floor, and that scared me because it reminded me of the blood in the kitchen when she cut her wrists.

And I went to the hospital.

I was there...

[Baby crying]

Both times.

And I heard a baby cry, and I heard my mother cry.

And then we went home.

And her belly wasn't big anymore.

And then we moved across town to a house, a really nice house.

And then she started her fellowship at Mass Gen, and I just started first grade.

And then she was just Dr. Ellis Grey and I was just a kid in school and everything went back to normal.

I mean, I was 5 years old.

What... what was the alternative?

And I have a sister.

She's nice. Good doctor.

You remind me of my daughter.

[Indistinct conversations]

Pierce.

Do you have a second?

Yeah.

Listen...

You didn't ask for a sister, and you probably don't need one.

Your parents send you singing fish.

You're very accomplished for your age, and you seem very happy.

So, you can go if you want.

I can understand why you would want to.

But I would like to show you something if you have a minute.

They say we can repress our memories.

I wonder if we're just keeping them safe somewhere...

[Sighs]

She wrote in these journals, obsessively...

Mostly surgical notes, ideas, but this one is from around the time you were born.

"A surgery can fail for any number of reasons, whether from a patient's morbidity or surgeon's ineptitude." Geez.

They're not so warm.

[Scoffs]

She wasn't, either.

But there is more to her than...

I'm still finding out things about her myself.

Because no matter how painful they are, they are our most valuable possessions.

Ellis: Our lives are built on our mistakes as much as our successes.

She wrote mostly at night, with a glass of wine, as you can see by the...

Ring stains and... but I think here is when she found out she was pregnant because the wine stains stop and she starts writing down everything she ate.

So...

This was when she...

Realized she was pregnant with you.

So she wanted you to be okay.

She wanted to be healthy.

She tried, at least.

They made us who we are.

[Elevator bell dings]

Ellis: The first time I won the Harper Avery, I dedicated it to the men who'd been so supportive.

[Laughter, applause]

[Chuckles] No, I wish. Just kidding.

The first time I won the Harper Avery, I thought, "screw all those boys."

[Light laughter]

I stood there, holding that trophy, and I thought about everything I'd sacrificed, what I had overcome. And I dedicated that award to all the women surgeons who would come after me.

[Applause]

[Chuckles]

Where were we?