13x13 - It Only Gets Much Worse

[bunniefuu]

Meredith: In 1949, Edward Murphy conducted

[Elevator bell dings] - a rocket-sled experiment...

...to see how much pressure a human being could withstand.

[Breathes deeply]

♪ Oh, I found my vibe ♪

April: Good morning.

I've organized the monthly rotation schedule, I got up to speed on all the upcoming general elective surgeries, and I have some ideas about which residents are ready for the next phase of Dr. Minnick's training.

Um, I could run that by you, or...

Murphy's experiment failed... spectacularly.

Or not.

Over and over.

Uh, whatever you like. Sorry.

What... What would Dr. Grey usually do?

Uh, Dr. Grey wouldn't talk to me about any of it.

She would just do it.

Go. Do it.

Oh. Okay. Sure. Yeah. [Chuckles nervously]

Needless to say, he didn't start off on the right foot.

Kepner, you don't have to check in with me.

I trust you.

You do you.

It's your department now.

That's why it's called Murphy's Law.

Because if anything can go wrong, it will.

You may have thought you were done talking about this, but I wasn't.

Richard, it was 3:00 in the morning.

I have surgery. I needed sleep.

You need sleep. Come on.

You told Bailey to replace me.

No, baby, no.

I told Bailey there was a problem.

You told her there was a problem.

Yes.

You see a problem in our marriage, will I hear about it, or will some consultant come and kick me out of our bedroom?

Stop. You know me better than that.

No, Catherine, right now, I don't.

I really don't.

[Elevator bell dings]

Take O.R. 4 and make sure you do the post-op debriefing with the resident right away.

Is Dr. Grey out sick or something?

Dr. Grey is suspended.

I am the interim department chief until further notice.

You are?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Oh, Dr. Kepner, Dr. Bailey told me you're filling in for Dr. Grey as Chief of General.

I am.

Well, congrats.

Well, I didn't...

I mean, it was a... a necessary...

I need your help.

Oh.

I'm beginning phase two of my teaching program today...

Right. Phase two.

And I need someone to supervise Ben Warren through a colectomy.

Dr. Hawkins was gonna do it, but he's sick.

Can you assign someone else?

Yeah, let's see who has a colectomy.

Oh.

Is there a problem?

No. No.

Not at all. All good.

Um, I do have a surgeon available with one, and I will just assign it to him.

Great. Thanks.

Sure. Yeah.

Do you know where Dr. Webber is?

Did April say anything? Like why she jumped ship?

I haven't seen her.

She was home late and out early.

Oh, she's slinking, then.

She knows what she did. She's slinking.

Traitor.

No offense.

Look, I can't believe that she would have done this, either.

I can't believe Bailey asked her.

How's Grey holding up?

She's bored.

She's worried Kepner's gonna k*ll all of her patients.

Kepner's a solid surgeon.

You have to give her that, no matter how anyone feels about her taking the job.

Yeah, of course she's a great surgeon.

Guys, we're losing ground here, okay?

We lost Grey. We're... Now we're losing April...

And we don't have the residents.

They love Minnick.

And she's about to start phase two of her program.

Phase two?

A resident gets to be the primary surgeon on their own case.

One procedure, pre-op to post-op, start to finish.

Under supervision, right?

Yeah, but the resident does it all.

The attending is there to assist.

The resident?

Start to finish, baby!

Oh, would you quit bragging already?

Yes!

I don't get it. Why you two?

'Cause Minnick recognizes I'm the best resident.

Obviously.

[Scoffs]

I don't know why you got one.

Special treatment.

From his Chiefwife.

[Laughs] It's not special treatment, and don't call her that.

Minnick told me she drew names from a hat.

See?

Whatever... Mr. Bailey.

[Laughs]

She's really gonna let you do a whole surgery with no help?

No hand-holding, no training wheels, no safety belts, no gutter bumpers.

Phase two, baby!

Shut up, baby.

Yeah, what happened to you?

Last night, you were like, "Let's start a revolution!"

Well, this morning, I would say that we're winning.

Now, gosh, if you'll excuse me, children, Mama's got to go do surgery.

Aah!

Ohho-ho!

[Clears throat] Good morning.

Kepner.

April. How's your new job going?

So busy, as I'm sure you know.

Dr. Webber, can I talk to you for a sec?

Sure.

Maybe could we go somewhere a little more private, or...?

Oh, you know what, Kepner?

I'm... I'm pretty busy.

W-What do you have to say?

Um, it's about your partial colectomy today.

It's now Ben Warren's.

I beg your pardon?

Start to finish.

I'd like Dr. Warren to scrub in as primary surgeon.

[Scoffs] You'd like?

And you can assist and help... only when requested... but it will be Dr. Warren's O.R.

Why don't you let Bailey take this one?

Because I've assigned it to you.

Well, I suggest you unassign it.

[Clears throat]

I would... I would really rather not, Dr. Webber.

Sir.

Please?

Just... please?

Sure thing...

Chief.

There you are.

Yes.

And I am ready.

I have Mrs. Mallenbaum's labs, I booked an O.R...

Edwards, unbook it.

Mrs. Mallenbaum had a complication.

What? Did she have breakfast?

No. She d*ed.

Oh.

Oh, God.

That's...

That's awful.

It's okay to be disappointed.

You were excited.

I was excited, too.

So, should I go down to the pit or something instead, or...

You know what? Yes.

If you're gonna do a true start-to-finish, we should both go down to the E.R. and see if we can start one on intake.

We're trolling?

We're trolling.

Can you check Mr. Lewis' drains for me, please?

Yes, Doctor.

All right, I've been thinking.

All right, we are in a corner.

Okay? It's time.

One of us needs to talk to my mother about this, and I know what you're gonna say, all right?

And I don't care how it looks...

Jackson, she knows.

Sh...

She knew before anyone.

She's not with us.

No, sh...

This was my mother's idea?

I-I-I thought... I thought this was Bailey's So did I.

But, no, Bailey decided I didn't need...

You should stop talking right now.

What?

[Clears throat]

Dr. Webber.

Oh, need something, Warren?

Well, um...

Well, you, sir.

Uh, I have my start-to-finish surgery today, and you were assigned to...

Assist you, yeah.

Right.

[Clears throat]

We'll talk later.

Mm-hmm.

Warren.

Jackson.

Boring, boring.

Weird and gross.

Exceptionally boring.

None of these are surgical.

Can I get a portable ultrasound to Bed 2, please?

Of course.

Dr. Murphy, talk to me about Bed 2.

It's a 9-year-old boy with right upper quadrant pain.

I'm betting it's acute cholecystitis, but I've got to get the ultrasound to confirm.

Mm-hmm.

That won't be necessary.

Am I missing something?

Wait. No, no, no, no!

Dr. Edwards is taking over this case now, from start to finish.

Thank you for finding it for her.

No! I started it. I get to finish it!

I love gallstones!

Yes!

You will get your turn, Dr. Murphy, and when that happens, Dr. Edwards will be there to support you.

Physical Therapy to 5 West. Physical Therapy to 5 West.

Lynne: Wait, honey, tell me again... where's Dr. Grey?

Good morning, Ms. Gagliano. I am Dr...

Not Dr. Grey.

She's not Dr. Grey.

Where's Dr. Grey?

Dr. Grey is unavailable to perform your surgery, Lynne, so, uh, Dr. Kepner will be performing it with Dr. Pierce.

She's gonna take out my cancer?

Ms. Gagliano, I have successfully operated on several esophageal cancer...

Listen, Dr. NotGrey, I don't care what you've done.

Dr. Grey found my cancer.

She told me about it.

She held my hand while I bawled about it.

She told me how she was gonna take it out.

I've been going to the same hairstylist for 23 years.

Why?

Because she knows how I like my roots done.

Dr. Grey knows my roots.

Let's cancel the surgery.

I'll wait for Dr. Grey.

Lynne, that kind of loyalty is really appreciated.

Thank you.

Loyalty is so rare in this world.

But we're not sure when Dr. Grey will be back, and with the risk of your cancer spreading, we can't wait.

But I'll be there.

Your roots are safe with me.

Stephanie: When did the pain start?

When we were in our car, on the way to the seaport.

Matty kept complaining about his stomach.

It's been off and on for the last few days, but it kept getting worse, so we just turned around and came back here.

I mean, it's probably just a stomach bug, right?

We're going on a cruise.

Ooh, that's fun.

It's called an Explorer Cruise.

Dana: It's all-inclusive, three ports of call.

And they have rock-climbing walls and even movie nights.

And they teach you to surf right on deck!

See, he... he's more excited than Matty is about this trip.

It's like I have two children.

Matty, can you raise your arms for me?

Also, if we get to the car within the hour, we can still make it.

Hillary: Dana...

Maybe we're just overreacting.

Dana...

I'm being optimistic.

Matty's been looking forward to this for a year.

Hillary, Dana, I'm afraid Matty has gallstones and a very inflamed gallbladder.

Gallstones?

But he's nine.

Very rare in someone Matty's age, but it can happen.

Oh, gosh. Oh, sweetie.

But will we still be able to go?

It's okay, son. Don't worry.

Will we be... able to go?

Not today, buddy.

You need surgery.

My God.

That was so hard.

Hey, they can reschedule a vacation.

You can't get caught up in their story...

Not your job.

No, it was so hard to keep from smiling, especially when I said, "You're gonna need surgery."

[Both chuckling]

Ahh!

I'm just happy that you're here.

I'm trying not to hug you right now.

Okay, make it quick.

[Both laugh]

Thank you!

All right, now talk me through your surgical plan.

Well, after trocar insertion, I'll...

Your very own start-to-finish partial colectomy, huh?

Pretty spiffy.

Yeah, yeah. Should be pretty cool.

What's the matter?

Oh, are you nervous?

No, it's not nerves. It's just...

I wish I had a different attending, that's all.

I mean, if people don't like what Minnick's doing, they don't really try...

Well, who's the attending?

I'll talk to them.

Dr. Webber.

But... yeah. Yeah.

So this should be fun.

And, no, no, you won't talk to him.

I have enough problems being your First Lady.

Just stay out of it.

My First what?

Jo: Dr. Pierce, do you think I might have a chance to dissect the thoracic esophagus?

No, Wilson.

I don't see why not, Dr. Pierce, if...

Because we already have one surgeon we didn't plan for is why not.

Okay, I get it.

You are unhappy about Dr. Grey, but I am not the one who suspended her.

I'm unhappy about the fact that Dr. Grey and I worked hard to plan this surgery, and you are skipping steps.

You just ligated a branch that we might need for the anastomosis.

And now the esophagus is ready to be excised, which was quicker.

[Monitors beeping loudly]

V-fib!

She's in cardiac arrest!

Ready?

Grab the paddles!

1, 2, 3.

Paddles!

Charge to 120.

[Paddles whine]

Clear.

[Thump]

[Beeping steadies]

So, what now?

Can we still excise the tumor?

No, we can't.

She's too unstable.

We have to close her up, do a cardiac work-up, observe her in ICU.

Sorry, Lynne, you're gonna have to keep waiting.

Why are you looking at me?

I didn't give her a heart att*ck.

Dr. Bailey.

Need something?

Warren is doing his start-to-finish surgery.

I thought I'd observe.

Really?

Observe Warren or me?

You asked her to come in here?

You don't trust me to follow the protocol?

No, sir.

I-I didn't even know that she was gonna come.

Uh, he didn't say that, and I didn't say that.

You said that.

I think we're good.

I think I'd like to watch.

I had a heart att*ck?

Yes, but we were able to intervene very quickly.

But you didn't get the damn cancer out?

No, we weren't able to remove the tumor.

After your heart att*ck...

I knew something was gonna go wrong.

The minute Dr. NotGrey showed up, I...

Dr. Grey wouldn't have been able to do anyth...

You know, why don't we... why don't we give you a few minutes of peace and quiet?

[Groaning]

That poor woman's body is still riddled with cancer.

We did just save her life.

You'd think she'd see that as a plus.

Shut up!

Just... shut your face.

Maggie!

I thought you were with us.

I thought you were with Richard.

And then you go and do this?

I took a job!

It was an opportunity!

It's aiding the enemy!

I'm not saying I agree with what Bailey did...

But you are saying that it's not a deal-breaker!

Not for you.

Not if it gets you what you want.

Traitor!

I'm doing my job!

This is my job, Maggie!

Someone here has to act like an adult!

Ben: And now I am dividing the white line of Toldt.

Richard: Beautiful dissection, Dr. Warren.

Thank you, sir. [Chuckles]

Uh, Dr. Webber, more suction.

[Slurping]

Are you gonna be one of those surgeons who plays music in his O.R.?

I might be.

[Chuckles]

Well, choose your playlist carefully.

I once had this resident who made it all the way to close, and then all of a sudden, this music comes on.

It was the most ridiculous song I ever heard.

It was complete gibberish.

Stay away from the ureter.

Yep.

Uh, more traction, please?

I was that resident.

And "MMMBop" was very popular at the time.

That was you, huh?

Mm. It was catchy.

[Both laugh]

Dr. Warren, did you know that my first solo surgery was also with Dr. Webber?

Oh, indeed.

But somewhere between then and now, Dr. Bailey forgot that I know how to teach.

What I'm saying is, the chief gives an order, you... you follow the order.

You... You try to make it work.

Spoken like a true soldier.

Spoken like a former chief.

Right on both counts.

So you're neutral is what you're saying.

You're Switzerland.

No, I'm saying Bailey's the chief, but that doesn't mean that I-I-I-I'm against Webber.

Yeah, I get that. I really do.

But what the hell are you supposed to do when you're completely against the order that you've been given?

Well, that's called a coup.

Frowned upon but sometimes very necessary.

Oh, so that's what we're talking about here?

Throwing Minnick out or throwing Bailey out?

No, no, no.

It's just, we want Webber in.

That's all... I mean, yeah, I guess that means Minnick has to go.

So what?

[Coughs]

I don't know what we're gonna do here, but we got to do something.

So, Hunt, are you with us?

Or are you too busy being Switzerland over there?

How's Kepner doing?

What do you mean, how's Kepner doing?

She's a turncoat.

She's also a friend.

Yes, she's a friend.

She's a poor, misguided, very confused friend.

It's like when you find out that your friend voted wrong.

Can you vote wrong?

Yes.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, but she was leading the charge, and then Bailey dangles a little carrot, and suddenly it's, "See ya, Webber."

I'm sure there's more to it than that.

Well, it's not right, what Bailey did.

You can't just throw anybody in as Chief of General Surgery.

Keps is good, but Grey put in the time for that job, okay?

She deserves it.

All right.

I'm gonna get back to work.

[Clears throat] You know, Switzerland doesn't engage in international conflicts.

It serves in peacekeeping missions and protects Switzerland itself.

Keeping the peace and protecting ourselves... that's what we're doing.

So we're all Switzerland, then, aren't we?

Doesn't feel like it.

What the hell?

Is that the O.R. schedule?

Yeah, but why is a resident listed as a lead surgeon on a lap chole on a peds case?

Damn it, Minnick...

I didn't want you "out of the way."

Why would you say that?

Anastomosis looks...?

Uh, it's good, good.

We can pull out the trocar.

Let me see. Okay.

You fired me...

I didn't fire you.

Then you fired Grey.

I suspended Grey.

Does the umbilical port get closed with a deep or superficial closure?

Both.

Both.

Okay.

You know, pretty soon, you're gonna find yourself out of teachers.

It's tough to be a leader when there's no one to lead.

I'm not afraid to be unpopular, for the good of the hospital.

Oh, that's not you.

I know that Catherine put you up to this.

I know it was her idea!

Fascia's closed.

I love my wife.

"Great, Dr. Warren. Keep going."

But she is very hard to stand up to...

3-0 nylon and Steri-Strips... and I think it's time we stood up to her.

I can stand up just fine, and that's exactly what I did.

Who gave you permission to let a resident operate on a 9-year-old?

We're implementing phase two of my program...

No, you're not implementing phases on a kid.

Look, he's really big for his age.

It's a lap chole.

It's a simple procedure that Dr. Edwards is perfectly capable...

You're not a peds surgeon.

You are a sports-medicine ortho surgeon.

I am scrubbing in.

I was trained in general surgery, just like you, and I teach for a living.

I taught five lap choles last month, but if it will make you feel more comfortable, then, please, join us, Dr. Robbins.

I'd love to have you.

Good.

But only to observe.

I'm gonna go get Matty prepped.

No.

No?

No.

You go give the parents a pre-game.

You are the lead surgeon, which means I prep your patient.

Seriously?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Look at that.

See?

When you let yourself have a little fun...

Don't do that.

Just... don't.

Don't do what?

That.

It was cute in the beginning, but it's not anymore.

You'd rather sacrifice your students than swallow your pride and admit that someone found a better way to teach them.

All right, scissors.

Instead of... you want to devote your time to bringing this hospital down and me along with it.

Hey, I can't stop you.

And I am done.

Steri-Strip and dress the wounds, please.

Yeah, well done.

Yeah, uh, good job, Warren.

Really?

Well, don't you think so?

No, I do. It's just...

This was my first time as primary on a surgery.

It should have at least been fun, but you two were so busy arguing about how to teach or not teach students that you forgot that you had one in here!

I'm sorry. No disrespect.

It's just...

This was my first, and I'm never gonna get another one.

I need to go dictate the post-op report.

Thank you, everyone.

It's a really simple surgery.

I just make a tiny, little hole, and in that hole, I insert my camera and all my instruments...

Matty: Okay.

...and you just end up with an itty-bitty scar right there.

Okay?

Okay.

All right.

I think it's time to take you up.

I will come and talk to you when we're done.

I said I think it's time we take him up, which means take him to the O.R. and mark the incision spot.

I prefer an infra-umbilical incision.

You can give him .5 milligrams...

Uh, Edwards?

Yeah.

Rein it in.

Okay.

Maggie: Her vitals look good.

April: How are you feeling, Lynne?

Any pain?

Lots, thanks to you.

Okay, can we just be nice for a minute?

[Coughs]

Wilson, check the repeat enzymes, please.

You know who was nice?

Dr. Grey.

[Coughs]

[Scoffs]

What?

Dr. Grey is nice.

Yeah, no.

I just...

Noth...

I'm nicer... than Dr. Grey.

I mean, ask anyone in this hospital.

I mean, there are comparisons that you can make between myself and Dr. Grey, but in a contest of niceness, I take that win.

I win by a lot. I am the nicest.

[Coughs] Yeah.

Well, Dr. Grey would've gotten my [coughs] can...

Lynne?

Lynne, what's going on?

Are you okay?

Hard to breath!

She's tachycardic. Pressure's down.

I need an EKG and a portable X-ray!

Is it another M.I.?

Uh, Dr. Pierce, there's gastric fluid in her lungs.

The esophageal stump must've perfed into her chest.

My staples didn't hold.

Lynne, there's been a complication.

[Coughing]

We have to take you back to the O.R. right away.

You screwed up.

First I was dying of cancer, and now I'm dying because...

[Coughs]

You're trying to k*ll me.

Let's move!

[Coughing]

Okay.

Eliza: You can be in here on one condition.

[Chuckles] I can be in here however I want.

This isn't about me. It's about Edwards.

She needs to feel confident, and she won't if you're standing over her shoulder.

You're welcome to observe, but if you don't think you can keep your hands to yourself, you have to leave.

Fine.

In the peritoneum.

Optical trocar and camera, please.

There's a lot of resistance.

I'm... I'm not sure how hard to push.

Right.

You won't know until you do it.

Keep going. You're good.

It's all about the feel.

Mm-hmm.

Together.

You're in.

That was the hard part.

The rest is a piece of cake.

What now?

Insufflation.

I knew you were moving too fast.

[Exhales quickly] She was having a heart att*ck.

I stapled as quickly as I could.

Maggie: I know.

So, what?

Dr. Grey can staple better than I can now?

Lynne is prepped and ready.

Thank you, Wilson.

Dr. Pierce, you can go.

What?

This is my revision. I don't need you.

You can go.

She's my patient.

No, actually, she's Dr. Grey's patient, and I'm Dr. Grey now.

I'm in charge, whether you like it or not, and until you get on board with that, you are not welcome in my O.R.

So you can stop scrubbing... and you can go.

You're gonna need an extra set of hands.

Wilson has hands.

[Clears throat]

That was badass.

[Sighs] Shut up.

Stephanie: Dissecting the gallbladder now.

Arizona: Just remember to stay away from the...

From the CBD, got it.

Dr. Robbins, please.

Almost there.

There's the duct.

[Monitors beeping loudly]

He's tachycardic.

His pressure's trending down.

Edwards, can you see if there's bleeding coming from the liver bed?

Do you know how to...

Dr. Edwards knows what to do.

Checking the liver.

No bleeding. The field looks clear.

Well, the blood's coming from somewhere, so check the hepatic artery.

I don't see any... I don't see any bleeding.

Turn the camera.

What?

Turn the camera, and check out the rest of his abdomen.

Just do it.

[Beeping continues, quickens]

Oh, God.

All right, his pelvis is filled with blood.

All right, pull the trocars.

He's been bleeding out this whole time.

I don't understand. Why would I have not seen that?

His pressure's bottomed out!

Arizona: Hang two units!

I need platelets and FFP!

Move, move! Back up!

Scalpel!

All right, lap pads.

Bovie.

Suction.

Suction.

Come on, Edwards.

I don't understand.

More lap pads!

Okay.

Edwards, suction.

♪ I feel lost and found ♪

All right, his mesentery's bleeding.

♪ At the same damn time ♪

Can you localize the bleeder?

Help me get some proximal control of the SMA.

♪ Made my bed, but I can't rest ♪
♪ And I tried to find ♪

Suction!

♪ The reasons why you found me ♪

There's injury to the superior mesenteric artery.

Must have nicked it with the trocar.

♪ And I've been waiting for someone like you ♪
♪ And I've been waiting for you ♪

[Monitors beeping loudly]

All right, lost his pressure!

♪ Lost without you ♪
♪ And I've been praying ♪

Clamp, clamp, clamp, clamp! Come on!

He's bleeding out faster than we can put it in!

♪ And I've been waiting for you ♪
♪ And I've been lost without you ♪
♪ And I've been waiting ♪

[Flatline]

♪ For someone like you ♪
♪ Like you ♪

What did I do?

Did I... Did I skip a step?

Did I... Should I have done something differently?

I mean, did I... did I k*ll that boy?

Hey.

Hey! Where are you going?!

[Scoffs]

Neither of us is up for cooking tonight.

So let's pick something up, or I could just make reservations at our place.

No, I'm not hungry.

Come on. Can't we be civil?

I was always a fine surgeon.

But I am an excellent teacher, and today, I was a complete failure.

I know you thought this program had problems, but it sure as hell has them now.

Richard...

Bailey was my favorite student.

I brought her in as an intern.

I saw her all the way through to chief.

She was my "start-to-finish."

And you turned her against me.

[Children talking indistinctly]

Come here, my little bug.

Oh, I thought you were, uh...

I thought I was taking her home.

Hi.

Mwah!

I just wanted to kiss her good night.

'Cause I'm gonna be here late prepping for a department meeting.

Got it.

And then I've also got a tumor debulking to prep for, so...

You're really enjoying this, aren't you?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

You don't remember that you and I started this for Webber?

I still support Webber.

So then you should have told Bailey no.

And ignore my responsibility to this hospital, 'cause of a political pissing match?

[Scoffs] Yesterday, it was a noble cause.

What are you talking about?

Oh, but now, all of a sudden, you've got your shiny new title, right?

What? What...

What does that mean?

You realize how this looks, don't you?

You realize what everybody's saying?

That you're an opportunist?

That you're an overly ambitious...

And you told them that they're wrong, right?

Because you know me, and you know better.

Right?

I'm surprised by you.

That's what I am.

Look, Bailey gave you a choice.

That's what that was.

It was a choice. You chose wrong.

But it's not too late. You could still resign.

You could still tell her that you made a mistake.

Yeah, but I didn't make a mistake.

I have a duty to this hospital.

My chief asked me to step up, so I...

Did she? Or was that my mom again?

Telling Bailey that she should pick you.

Why would you say that?

Uh, 'cause it's probably true.

It's not even your fault.

It's her. It's what she does.

No. No, it's you.

Because you refuse to believe that I got this because I earned it.

That's... Because I'm good.

That's not...

Arizona: What the hell is wrong with you?

She asked you a question. She needed an answer.

I know.

What kind of teacher are you?

I mean, you don't just teach them what to do with their hands.

You teach them what to do with this, how to live through this.

I mean, you take it on yourself.

I know.

You don't!

You are the attending! This is your loss.

Okay? You take the hit.

Because if you... if you put it on her, she might quit.

She might think that she can't survive it, so you show her that she can.

You tell her, "When this happened to me..."

It hasn't.

What?

It's never happened to me.

I never had a child die.

Never?

Not a kid.

Not in residency, not as a fellow, and now I work on athletes... and old people... old, broken hips, torn ligaments.

Never a little boy.

I took that boy from his parents.

And now I have to tell them.

And I don't know how.

[Exhales sharply]

How do you do it?

How do you stop feeling like this?

You don't.

You... You just learn how to...

You learn how to feel this way a little faster.

You let it hurt, and then you... you put it behind you so that you can face forward to the... the next kid who needs you.

I remember my first... like it was yesterday, so... take your time.

And then, we'll go.

[Breathes deeply]

[Monitors beeping]

[Breathes deeply]

Dr. NotGrey, you're still here.

I am still here. And so are you.

Dr. Wilson?

The repair went very well.

You fixed the thing you broke?

I fixed the thing I broke.

And that nasty esophageal tumor is in the medical waste, where it belongs.

You got the damn cancer?

[Chuckling]

We got the damn cancer.

You got it?

Well, Dr. Wilson and I did.

Full excision, good margins.

We still need to run some tests, but it appears as though you are cancer-free.

What's your name again?

[Chuckles]

Ben: Hemostasis was established, and the patient was sent to post-op without complications.

Stephanie: Dr. Webber?

May I, uh... May I run something by you?

By me?

I thought you were working with Dr. Minnick.

Routine lap-chole, 9-year-old patient, when the patient became tachycardic and hypotensive.

Uh, I couldn't... I couldn't locate the bleeder initially, then we discovered that his pelvis was filled with blood.

Dr. Robbins converted to an ex lap w... and she found an injury to the superior mesenteric artery.

Dr. Robbins tried a repair, but the bleeding...

Edwards, what happened?

[Breathing shakily]

He d*ed.

Okay.

He was my patient, and he d*ed.

Okay.

He was a little boy.

You know what? Here.

Why don't you sit down?

No, I can't sit down.

A tear in a vessel with a trocar insertion... it happens.

It's not common, but it happens, and it's usually an easy fix.

But you can't fix what you can't see.

I mean, you had no reason to suspect bleeding until you did.

And by then, you were racing the clock, and the clock will more often win.

Against all of us.

I know you feel responsible...

But I am responsible.

You couldn't have known you tore that vessel.

Dr. Robbins didn't catch it.

Dr. Minnick didn't catch it.

Anybody's hands could've been on that trocar.

They wouldn't have caught it.

You lost.

It's not your fault.

You lost.

Every good surgeon does.

It might be your worst, but... it won't be your last.

[Sniffles]

What was his name?

Matty.

[Breathing shakily]

Matty.

[Crying]

Matty.

What... What... What do I do next?

Okay, so, if you think you're gonna lose it, then I'll jump in.

I think I'll be fine.

I just...

I guess I'm off the hook.

I have a tip for you.

The work that's on the page and not on the patient?

Take it home.

At least be comfortable.

Be in your pajamas.

[Chuckles]

Uh, I'd just as soon stay here.

Why is that?

Because my roommate is a narrow-minded, short-sighted, judgmental, and insulting piece of...

...work.

Oh, and I am sorry.

I should not have said that to you.

He's mad you took the job.

[Sighs]

Did you...

Did you put me up for this?

No.

It was all Bailey.

I thought it was smart.

April, Jackson can never understand what you did.

He's not like you and me.

Like you and me?

He was raised with money, connections, a name.

You and I had to work for it.

I don't know.

I mean, Jackson has worked...

Oh, Jackson's always worked hard...

He worked hard in school.

He works hard now.

He's earned his success.

It's just... he's never had to worry like us.

He's always known if he leaps, there's always a safety net.

The tough choices for you and me are tougher.

I just... I felt like what was asked of me was... bigger than me, bigger than Richard.

It is.

You saw that.

Put that away. Come on.

Let's go get some dinner and celebrate this.

[Chuckles]

I don't exactly have a party waiting for me at home, either.

Oh, I better not.

Honey, you are the boss.

[Laughing] Okay.

[Laughing]

Okay.

All right.

♪ With his hand in my shoe? ♪
♪ Way too close for me ♪
♪ At least they allowed me through ♪
♪ Should be a good night in here ♪

[Sighs]

♪ Ramo in the main room ♪
♪ People keep pushing me, though ♪
♪ No reception on my phone ♪

Are we going to talk about what happened today?

Can we not?

Look, I... I need a break.

I'm in the middle of everything at the hospital...

You are in the middle of everything?

Yes, me, Miranda.

I'm a resident, you know?

So I want to side with them because Minnick is great for us, but the attendings are my friends.

Now they stop talking when I'm around, because I'm married to you.

Yeah, I'm in it.

♪ People pushing by ♪

Well, if you're so in it, whose side are you on?

I would like to know.

I just want to go to bed and turn my brain off until I fall asleep and stay out of it.

♪ Threes is well cheap, though ♪
♪ So I'll take three if I need to ♪

Meredith: Once things start going wrong, it's hard to break the cycle.

♪ Right, I'm on the plan ♪
♪ I wish this bouncer would go away ♪

Murphy's Law is not physics.

[Siren chirps]

It's just a thing a guy said...

to try and make sense of a crappy day.

Just because things go wrong, it doesn't mean they're out of our control.

[Horn blaring]

[Blaring continues]

Arizona: Pop the hood!

You don't have to...

Pop your hood.

[Hood latch clicks]

♪ People pushing by and walking off into the night ♪

Can you not? This is bad enough...

[Blaring stops]

♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪

[Sighs]

I pulled out your horn wire, so you're gonna need to get that fixed.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

♪ Lights are blinding my eyes ♪

I mean... thank you.

♪ People pushing by and walking off into the night ♪

It's on us to fix things.

♪ Lights are blinding my eyes ♪
♪ Lights are blinding my eyes ♪

You know, you could have friends here, if you wanted to.

♪ And walking off into the night ♪

It's on us to take everything that can go wrong...

[Sighs]

...and make it go right.

[Both laugh]

It's on us to try, anyway.