01x02 - Knick-Knacks and Doodads

[bunniefuu]

(CIRCULAR SAW GRINDING)

(GRINDING PAUSES, RESTARTS)

(GRINDING CONTINUES)

Hey! Hey!

- (GRINDING STOPS)
- It's a little bit early to be doing that, isn't it?

Sorry! Sorry. Almost done.

It's, uh...

it's : .

f*ck, really?

Yeah.

Nice underpants.

Oh. Um...

- They're my mom's.
- Oh.

Vintage.

She has great taste.

She's a shopper. (LAUGHS)

(DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)

(LIGHT THEME PLAYING)

Sammy! Over here!

- Have a seat.
- MICHAEL: Hey.

- Hi. Sorry I'm late.
- JOEL: It's okay.

- FRED: Join us.
- (CAFE CHATTER)

Okay. What's everybody gettin'?

I'm gonna order the
eggs, but I'm warning you,

- I'm gonna have burger envy.
- MICHAEL: Yeah?

JOEL: You know, you can
get this without cheese.

- Okay.
- 'Cause of your tummy.

You really say "tummy"?

- What do you call it?
- Stomach!

No, but I-I love you kids.
What are you gonna eat, Sammy?

Okay. Well, maybe I'll
start with some coffee.

MICHAEL: So that means
Bloody Marys then?

You can get Bloody Marys. We're
all together. This is a big one.

(LAUGHTER)

So, what are you going to
sing next choir practice?

You know, I don't know. He-he
tricked me into it last time,

so I... I don't know.
I gotta think about it.

- How is everything?
- So good.

Thank you, sir. Ma'am.

Hey, you got it right the
first time. All right, b*at it.

(LAUGHS)

- Ai-yi-yi. All right.
- (PHONE BUZZING)

I said it was on me, and
you're cleaning me out.

- But it has been my absolute pleasure.
- (MICHAEL LAUGHING)

Anyone else leaving?

Yeah.

I am gonna stay and finish my coffee.

- Me, too.
- MICHAEL: Oh.

- Good to see you, Sam.
- Yeah, good to see you, Mike.

You know, I didn't know this was
gonna be, like, a whole thing.

- What, brunch?
- Yeah, it's kinda like

a non-sanctioned group activity.

There's only four of us.

I... How'd I do?

- I think you did well.
- (PHONE VIBRATING)

Oh, my f*cking sister.

Hi.

When I get there.

All right.

You know what? I, uh, I have
to go by my sister's store.

- Oh, do you wanna walk with me?
- Sure.

Okay. Oh, Fred left a lot of money.

He's like a big tipper, huh?

Yeah, especially for waiters
who feel uncomfortable.

What does he teach, anyway?

He's really big into farmy stuff.

He's the head of the entire...

I wanna say Dirt Department?

- (LAUGHS)
- Huh.

Well, this is me.

- Oh. Are you coming in?
- Sure!

Okay, well, if you like
knickknacks and doodads,

you're gonna love this place.

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

- (PLASTIC CRINKLING)
- I've never figured out who buys this sh*t.

Oh, totally.

- Joel! Hi!
- (JOEL LAUGHS)

- JOEL: Hey, Tricia.
- I didn't know you two were friends.

Cute. Oh, cardamom.

- We both said that you would love that one.
- Yep.

Oh. Thank you, Charity.
You know me well. (LAUGHS)

- (WHISPERS): Do you have a house account here?
- No...

Good.

I need you Monday night.

I need your handwriting.

We have our event
coming up for Crazy Dayz.

It's really important,
and I really need you

for the invitations.

By the way, who
would've thought this one

would have such beautiful handwriting?

- JOEL: I would.
- TRICIA: Yeah?

- Can you?
- Sure.

Great. Please bring exactly that spirit.

- And thank you!
- SAM: Yep.

Okay, you ready?

I-I don't need this.

- (DOOR BELL RINGING)
- I always do that. I always roll over for her.

Oh, hey, Rick.

- Hey, Sam.
- How you doing?

(WHISPERS): Oh my God.

I almost forgot that I
saw him at choir practice!

Oh yeah. I've seen him there before.

Wait, what?

What?

Oh my God! Is Rick gay?

- No, you don't have to be gay to go.
- I know, but...

Something's going on.

(TRUCK BRAKES SQUEAK, ENGINE CUTS)

Hey! You found your pants.

SAM: Oh. (LAUGHS)

Yeah, I'm, um, mixin' it up.

(CAR DOOR SHUTS)

How's it going?

I've seen you come and go for a year,

and you never said
"hi" till this morning.

Yeah, um...

Well,

I guess I'm trying out
being a people-person.

- How's that working for you?
- (SCOFFS) I'm not sure.

(BOTH LAUGH)

I like your trellis.

Oh. (SCOFFS) Thanks.

I was gonna espalier a Bougainvillea,

- but they go to sh*t in the cold.
- Um,

well, I have, if you're interested,

a pile of dirt and sticks.

I'm kinda in the planning stages.

- Oh, cool.
- (LAUGHS)

I'm just kidding. I can't
keep anything alive over here.

- (LAUGHS)
- Like Holly.

- (GASPS) Oh my God!
- sh*t. Uh, too far.

She had a dark sense of
humor, so I thought...

No, she did. No, it's fine.

- It's okay, I just did not see that coming.
- Are you sure?

- (SIGHS)
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)

I really... I really liked her.

- Yeah. She's pretty great.
- Yeah.

Um, well...

My name is Sam.

My name is Drew.

D-R-E-W Drew?

That's all four letters.

- All four. Like "f*ck."
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)

Oh my God. You know, this has
really been nice talking to you.

- Nice talking to you.
- Probably won't happen again, but...

- All right, have a good life.
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)

You, too.

- I'm gonna go make myself a sandwich.
- Enjoy that.

(MOUTHING)

♪ ♪

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SIGHS)

(GLASS CLINKING)

- (SIGHS)
- Leftovers or go wild

and cr*ck open the chicken
pot pies in the deep freeze?

- Uh, pot pies sound good.
- Okay. Okie-dokie.

♪ ♪

(CLEARS THROAT)

(WHISPERS): Whatcha looking at?

Oh, nothing.

Do you even know what your
daily quota for essays graded is?

Uh, I-I don't.

- And how many essays have you graded today?
- SAM: Um...

You know, I can't remember
the exact number...

She didn't even look at her folder.

I'm moving you over to Monica's team.

M-Mon... Team?

What, are you a supervisor?

Just, like, think of it as more
of a mentor-mentee situation.

- (SCOFFS)
- I know it's...

- Can I...
- Go ahead. Make it yours.

I have been there.

I have stood where you're standing,

and been like, "Is this it?"

And, like... Okay, so
there's this one song

that came out when I was
in, like, middle school,

and it starts out, "Do you ever feel

like a plastic bag... "

At least when I was bartending,

make a little cash, drink on the job.

Nobody bothered me.

I don't care about this job!

I don't wanna care about this job!

And f*cking Monica!

Joel, I'm sorry...

What do you with the cookie parts?

Oh.

Oh! (LAUGHS)

- Nice!
- Here. It's really satisfying. Try it.

- Oh!
- (LAUGHS)

- You got an arm on you!
- Thank you so much.

(LAUGHTER)

- One more, right?
- Yeah. Oh!

- (LAUGHS)
- Wait, let me see if I can put it in the hole.

- (CLINK)
- (BOTH YELL)

♪ ♪

(BRAKES CREAK)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR SHUTS)

- MOM: Hey...
- Hi.

I-I didn't hear you come in.

- SAM: Oh, sorry.
- Whatcha doing?

- Um, I was just looking for some old songbooks.
- Aw.

- That's a nice surprise.
- Yeah.

- MOM: What'd you find?
- SAM: Oh,

so much good stuff.

These American classics here. (LAUGHS)

Oh yeah.

Okay, well, I'm cleaning
you out. That okay?

They're all yours.

Where's Dad?

Oh, where is Dad?

He's out somewhere doing somethin'.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

Dad!

Dad!

Dad!

- DAD: Sam!
- (BANGING ON METAL)

- Sam!
- Dad...

- Jesus Christ.
- DAD: I'm in here!

Dad... Dad!

Oh my God, what happened? Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good. I'm good.

The wind blew the damn door shut.

Look at that handle.

- Jesus.
- Broken right off...

Why didn't you call Mom?

I know.

She's in there passed
out on the recliner, Dad!

It's my fault, not hers.

Look, I-I got careless
with the g*dd*mn door!

All right, let's get you inside

- and get you something to eat.
- (GRUNTING)

- Mm.
- You gotta be so thirsty.

Yeah, I am thirsty.

(LAUGHS) Oh...

- SAM: What are we gonna do with you?
- I don't know, sweetheart.

I mean, I'm not doing it
expecting any sort of thank you.

It's just what you do, right?

- And she's a church friend, so...
- Well, still,

a little thank you would be nice.

Have you... Have you
done Reshma's invite yet?

- Um, I don't think so.
- When you get to it, pull it

because I wanna put
a personal note in it.

'Cause she's the one that
we need to get in with

for the Downtown Business of the Year.

- Got it.
- COOP: All righty.

Ew. Coop,

- go sit down.
- (LAUGHS)

- (DOOR SHUTS)
- RICK: Hey, Coach.

- COOP: Hey, bud.
- RICK: Great game.

- COOP: Thanks, man.
- TRICIA: Change.

Yeah. Think they raised their prices.

My... Babe, no! I...

Don't want all that
grease by the invitations!

- Hey, Rick.
- Hey, Charity!

(PUTTING DOWN BOXES)

That one's not quite perfect.

I put some tits on this one.

(LAUGHS)

- (g*ns f*ring ON TV)
- RICK: Don't... Could you...

- Okay, go.
- Clear.

You wanna hop in on this raid?

No, I'll get in on the next one.

(g*nf*re CONTINUES)

So, uh, work's been pretty busy, huh?

(INHALES) Slow as sh*t.

Huh.

(g*nf*re CONTINUES)

The chaps are cute. What's up with that?

Because it's the Wild West.

Oh.

Oh, suck it!

- Come on, man! Come on, man!
- (EXPLOSIONS)

To your left!

Look to your f*cking left!

It's a magic horseshoe!

(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

Shh, shh, shh...

CHARITY/TRICIA: Hey.

(BOTH SIGH)

- Whatcha doing?
- Uh, you know what, I'm gonna...

go to Joel's, so I'll just
finish up here and hit the road.

So, you and Joel...

You guys just friends,
or what's going on?

Yeah. We're just friends.

Uh, it sounds like the testing
center is going really good.

Yeah, it's okay.

It's just really good to have you back.

You know, you're getting
your life on track.

That's great. You have a
good job. Maybe a boyfriend.

I don't know, maybe the gym.

It's just really good, Sam.

- Yeah, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
- CHARITY: Oh,

uh, Coop's in there, so
it's gonna be a while.

- Coop (MUFFLED): Gonna be a while.
- CHARITY: Oh, but Joel said

that you're gonna be
eligible for benefits soon.

That's exciting.

Now, is that... is that
dental and vision, too?

I mean, what is this,
Charity? And why do you care?

- Well, I just...
- And why are you guys talking about me?

Just calm down, Sam. I mean,

we are just trying to help.

I don't know when you got so
defensive! It's all the time!

I mean, you would never be biting

Holly's head off like you're doing mine

- if she was trying to give you advice...
- No, no, no.

Leave her out of this!

Oh my God.

What, are you not
embarrassed by her anymore?

Is it just me now?

I was never embarrassed
by her! I never said that!

You didn't have to!

(SIGHS)

You know what, Sam?

I don't know when you
think that real life starts,

but you are well over .

So, you're past the point.

- Real life's happening right now. Okay?
- Okay. You know what?

- I gotta go. I gotta go!
- You gotta go. Yeah. I know, I figured.

I know how you do.

Typical.

CHARITY: We just...

- want what's best for you.
- SAM: (SIGHS) f*ck you, Charity.

(SLAMS DOOR)

Hello.

Sorry I'm late. I had a
little run-in with my sister.

- Oh.
- But I got some music, and I got some beer.

(LAUGHS) Well,

come in, come in, come in. Please.

SAM: All right, ladies first.

Well then, why am I not first?

(SIGHS) Roberta Flack and Crystal Gayle?

My God, I'm gonna faint. (LAUGHS)

- Joel...
- Huh?

Is that a dream board?

No.

Oh...

- It's a vision board.
- Okay.

Wow.

You really spent some time on this.

- It's not...
- You're gonna go to Paris, you got an Eiffel Tower there.

- Well, just Europe. I wanna go to Europe.
- SAM: Okay.

Oh, and then, of course, uh...

everybody's hands in a heart.

- Community.
- Uh-huh. Great.

What's that? A blender or something?

It's a Vitamix. I just...

I really wanna have a nice kitchen.

SAM: And... Oh, what's
this one? Is this...

you and Michael and your
nine adopted kids, or what?

- It's not nine. It's six.
- Oh.

And four of them are adopted, yes.

Okay.

And you wanna do all of
this here, in-in Kansas?

- Yeah. This is where I live.
- Oh.

Family. Prayer circles.

f*cking pots with cactus and sh*t...

I mean, what is wrong with
this? What's wrong with this?

I-I'm dreaming about the
future. This is what I want.

Well, I mean,

dream all you want, Joel, but...

this is the future.

We're in our s,

and it hasn't happened yet, has it?

It hasn't happened for you.
It hasn't happened for me.

And that's because it's
not going to happen.

And it's definitely not
going to happen here.

I mean,

keep cutting up your pictures, but...

that's the way it is.

We deserve to be happy.

Well...

I'm not sure.

I don't know.

Know what?

I think I should go.

- Don't go.
- I'm gonna go.

- Don't leave!
- I gotta go.

(DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)

(LIGHT PIANO PLAYING)

♪ ♪

(BRAKES CREAKING)

(ENGINE CUTS)

(SIGHS)

- Sam? I thought that was you!
- (DOOR SHUTS)

- Hey, Kim.
- Come on in.

No, I-I don't wanna bother you.

So...

- you bought the boat.
- (LAUGHS)

- It's cool. You guys always talked about that.
- Yep.

Uh, I gotta tune the motor,

otherwise I'd take you out on it.

- Rain check?
- Yeah, I'd love that.

How you doin', Sam?

I'm good.

No, I'm not. (LAUGHS)

You know how...

Holly always said...

"Just give it some time, Sam.

You're gonna be so happy you're here."

I'm not.

I just...

I just can't seem to get
comfortable here without her.

And I feel a little lost.

It's hard.

It's so hard.

I couldn't get out of bed
at first, but eventually...

- (DOOR OPENS)
- Hi. Uh, sorry.

Uh, the internet's out again, babe.

Unplug the router and plug it back in.

It's being weird.

- (DOOR SHUTS)
- I know.

I miss her every day,

but I'm trying to do the
things that make me happy.

It doesn't always work,

but I'm trying.

You know, just...

buy the boat.

Buy the boat.

Thank you, Kim.

Thank you.

I'm gonna hit you up, and
we're gonna take that ride.

- Promise?
- Yes.

♪ ♪

- (DOOR OPENS)
- MARY JO: Goddammit...

Ed! I'm going to the grocery store!

(DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)

- (CAR REVVING)
- ED: MJ!

Shi... Damn it!

- Come on, MJ, let me drive!
- Oh, stop!

- (BONES cr*ck)
- Ah, Jesus!

(MUFFLED MUSIC BLASTING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

♪ Baby, come on, give me the
feeling, you give me the love ♪

Joel, are you in there?

(DOOR CREAKING)

("DALE FUEGO" BY EDALAM PLAYING)

Can we talk?

I'm busy.

Please.

(SHUTS OFF MUSIC)

(SNIFFLES)

I'm sorry I came over here and
shat all over your dreams. (LAUGHS)

Sam...

- it really hurt my feelings.
- I'm sorry.

It's just that...

You have everything so...

mapped out.

It's so clear to you,

exactly what you need to do to
be happy, and for me, it just...

I can't... I can't
figure it out. I don't...

I don't know what it's gonna take.

Sam,

singing makes you happy.

Yeah, it makes me happy.

But, it also breaks my heart.

Really?

You know...

A long time ago, Holly gave me money

so I could record some songs, and, um...

she knew that would make me happy.

But, every time she asked to
hear them, I wouldn't let her.

I just... couldn't do it.

Why?

Because I didn't think that...

Because I didn't think I was any good.

- At singing?
- (SIGHS)

Everything, Joel.

I don't think I'm any good.

So, um, you know...

I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings,

but I don't think maybe
you'd wanna do all this.

You know, I-I don't know if
I'm really friend material,

- so just...
- You're overthinking that.

I think you're gonna surprise
yourself. Just don't...

You know, just...

- Eh.
- (LAUGHS)

Just... eh?

(BOTH LAUGH)

In my mind, it was a little
manlier, but yeah. Just meh.

- (LAUGHS) Show me again.
- (LAUGHS)

- Just meh.
- Meh. (LAUGHS)

- Okay.
- We're gonna be okay.

- Okay.
- You wanna do some Zumba?

- No. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)

Eh, fair. (LAUGHS)

I mean...

(TOUGH VOICE): If that's what it
takes to get you back, I'll try it.

(LAUGHS) Oh my God, you do owe me.

- (NORMAL VOICE): Oh, f*ck! I didn't mean it!
- Come on!

(MUSIC RESUMES)

Okay. You're gonna be good at something,

and it's gonna be Zumba.

- f*ck you.
- (LAUGHS)

One, two, three, four.

BOTH: One, two, three, eh!

One, two, three, eh!

BOTH: One, two, three, eh!

- (MUSIC CONTINUES)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER)

♪ ♪

(SINGING CONTINUES)

♪ Baby, come on, give me the feeling ♪

♪ Come give me the love... ♪