01x02 - Handcuffs

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

[Birds chirping]

Togetherness - 01x02
"Handcuffs"

[coyote barks] Oh sh*t.

[Coyote barks]

Real coyotes.

f*ck yeah!

♪ ♪

[Twig snaps]

Hi.

[Humming along to headphones]

Woman: ♪ Another name ♪
♪ Stay alive or stay the same ♪
♪ It's a stupid game ♪
♪ Stupid game ♪
♪ Well, I don't care if you don't ♪
♪ Well, I don't feel if you don't... ♪

[Baby cries]

♪ Well, I don't want it if you don't ♪
♪ Well, I won't play it if you won't play it... ♪

[Baby cries] ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Let's go to bed ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪

[Kissing sounds]

♪ Go to bed... ♪

What is going on here?

[startled] Ah, f*ck!

[Chuckles] Jesus f*ck.

Are those pantyhose?

Y-yeah.

Who wears pantyhose?

Kate f*cking Middleton.

Can you just... can you...

Hey, little dude.

[Stammering] Tina, just... I'm...

As you were.

f*cking knock.

Michelle: You wanna eat your Cheerios?

Mmm, that's good.

God! Get off my plate.

Don't eat my stuff, don't be in my sh*t every second. Barging in on me...

Brett barging in and the kids are f*cking all over me.

I'm gonna get a f*cking lock and put it on my door.

Okay, okay.

You need to get laid.

That's a horrible idea.

Why?

It's that every part of my life is just, like, I know what it's gonna look like.

Every day I wake up, I know what the day is gonna be like.

Brett and I have sex, I know what the sex is gonna be like.

Really?

Yeah. It's kissing, neck kissing, boob grab, genital touching, get the pillow, and then...

"Get the pillow"?

Yeah, I said that like it's a thing.

What the f*ck is "get the pillow"?

I feel bad, I feel like I'm betraying a confidence.

I'm just your sister. What is "get the pillow"?

I need to know what "get the pillow" is.

Okay, he... when he... when he is ready...

To come?

No, to... to... put his... d*ck inside me.

Uh-huh.

He's like, "Let me get the pillow."

[laughs] "I'll get you the pillow." like... and every time I'm like, "Oh, okay."

That is rough.

It's to put under my head so that my head isn't banging around.

I want my f*cking head to bang around.

I know, you're like, "Bang my f*cking head, "you f*cking puss."

f*cking knock me out!

Please.

I totally agree.

Okay, what are your fantasies?

Like, if you could do whatever you want, what would you do to Brett?

I guess it would be like... just, like... to just shake him out of it, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

Like, make him lose control.

Right on.

'Cause he's so, like, rigid.

None of my business, but totally agree.

What else?

I wanna scare him and ruffle his feathers.

You know, like...

Yes, yes.

I want it to be just, like, spontaneous and crazy, and being pinned down and pinning him down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Like, f*cking... just wanna punch him in the face.

[Chuckles] I'm sorry.

Not... I think this is great!

No, no, I didn't mean to laugh.

Can I tell you something?

I'm sorry that I just told you that.

No, that's what you have to do.

I mean, you don't have to b*at him up, but that's what you have to do.

I think he would laugh.

I think he would be like, "What are you doing?"

So f*cking make him stop laughing.

So you gotta do it.

Tonight I will take the kids... pizza and ice cream.

And you guys will have the house to yourselves.

That's like... really soon.

Yeah.

[Baby voice] Boy, have we got a surprise for Daddy!

He's not gonna know what hit him.

Literally.

♪ ♪

See, I'm not scared of the Canyon k*ller.

But people texting and driving... now that scares me.

That bothers me more than anything.

You all right? I'm gonna give you my jacket.

It's really cold out here.

Here you go.

Woman: Thank you.

[Rising music]

It's great, it's great.

Man: I know this is hard, but you have to try and remember something.

Do you think the nightmares are just gonna stop?

[Coyote yelping]

Whoa, what was that?

Hmm?

That sound. What was that sound?

You mean the coyotes?

What happened to the coyotes that we had before?

Brett: Well, technically, that sound wasn't a coyote.

It was an Alaskan wolf.

And I actually went out and I recorded coyotes, so those are real coyotes.

I seriously doubt that that's what an actual coyote sounds like.

It's fine, let's just go back to the other one.

I mean, just to be clear, that was... that was a coyote.

Like, if there's something texturally you want different, but that other sound was a wolf, which is not a Southern California thing at all.

So... if you want that, that's fine, but it would be factually inaccurate, you know, for the area.

We can go back to the previous take. No problem.

Nah, it's okay. What was your name?

Brett.

Right, Brett.

I appreciate your research.

I respect the hell out of your sonic acumen, but your coyotes sound f*cking stupid.

Come on, Philip, let's take it back.

Okay. Back to one.

Man: See, I'm not scared of the Canyon k*ller.

But people texting and driving...

[mimics coyote yelp]

[yawns] Okay, I'm just going to put the baby down.

'Kay. Okay.

[Snoring]

[door slams loudly]

[snoring continues]

Yoo-hoo.

Alex, time to get up.

Man on screen: I have some life insurance.

$15,000 policy.

[Snaps shut]

Alex, come on.

Al-ex.

I'm sleeping.

I'm sorry, what? Do you see this?

Look at this. Look at this.

Yeah.

Eh, don't worry.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't... don't clean up for him. Are you kidding me?

He's having such a hard time and we just...

I know he's going through a hard time, but this is not the way to deal with it.

Yes, it is.

He needs to get up, get outside, and go on an audition.

This has happened before.

Michelle: He goes on auditions.

What?

They're for depressing commercials, where he's gonna play a hot-dog vendor or a hemorrhoid.

Do you wanna play someone's ass problem? No.

If it's gonna pay me, I'll frickin' do anything.

You should be kicking him out of your couch...

No no, I should not be... and out of your house.

Because it's like a beached whale situation.

Okay? You just have to wait for the tide to come and gently wash him back in.

♪ ♪

[Snoring continues]

Why do you even care so much?

Tina: Because he's bugging me.

No. No.

Yes. Yes.

No.

[Screaming]

m*therf*cker!

Now that was for your own good.

Who the f*ck do you think you are?

Tried the nice way. What makes you think you can just come in here and do that?

I need somebody to help me with my party-supply business.

You're saying that you need help from me, so you decided to douse me with freezing-cold ice water?

Come on. Up and at 'em.

Let's get you bathed.

Let's get you clothed.

Let's get you out the door and in my car.

Come on. I'm actually glad you did that.

Let's go, come on. [claps]

Because now I owe you one.

I can't wait. And you're not gonna know when it hits you.

Come on, let's go.

There's literally nothing you can do to make me help you today.

What if I show you my boobs?

What?

You heard me.

[Clears throat]

Are you serious?

Yes, I'm dead serious.

Okay, like, how would it work? How long?

You know, flash 'em. Mardi Gras style.

Just like, "Throw me something, mister," and then down?

Throw you something, mister, and then down.

Okay, but it would need to be more than just a Mardi Gras flash.

Do you wanna get a couple lawyers involved or do you want to see my tits?

No, no, no, no, no. I like where we're headed.

I'm just saying, the duration of the boob exposure needs to be, like, five seconds.

Four.

Four Mississippi?

Three apple.

How about we do three Mississippi?

Done.

[Chuckles] Okay. sh*t.

[Muffled] Are you ready?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Are you sure? Okay.

Go for it.

[Breathes rapidly]

One Mississippi.

Two Mississippi. [footsteps]

Come on, come on, come on. Don't look at my face!

Oh, Tina!

That's interference.

We start over. I get at least one more Mississippi on that.

No f*ckin' way... Okay, one Mississippi.

[Footsteps]

Philip: Brett?

Yeah?

I don't know how to say this, other than... can you please not argue with the director repeatedly?

Phil, I'm not trying to argue with the guy.

He's gonna look like an idiot with a wolf in his movie.

I'm trying to help him.

He doesn't give a sh*t.

And neither should you.

We're working on a stupid-ass, mind-numbing show with a limited time frame and a f*ckin' tree full of assholes.

Wait, can you please not throw those...

Can you let that go?

They just throw things away.

I mean, who do...

Yeah, that's just the way things are.

All right, I get it. All right.

I will, um...

[chuckles] I'll take a timeout in, like, the... the sound booth... the penalty box over here for the second half of the day and...

They actually asked that you not be on the sound stage for the second half.

So, yeah, sound booth is good.

♪ ♪
♪ If I can't have you ♪
♪ What am I gonna do? ♪
♪ What am I gonna do ♪
♪ If I can't have you? ♪
♪ All tied and true ♪
♪ Buried out behind the school ♪
♪ Where the mud is thick as glue ♪
♪ What am I gonna do? ♪
♪ This is what you said to me ♪
♪ Covered up in skin ♪
♪ All the vessels there within ♪
♪ Every single little sin... ♪

Man: Hi.

Hi.

Find everything okay?

I did. Thank you.

Anything else?

Nope, just... the lock.

Okay.

Can you get this and the Beverly Hills sign in at the same time?

Okay, yeah.

[Screaming] My god, this is gonna go on my fridge! Yes!

Alex: Yay! Holy sh*t!

♪ This is what you said to me ♪
♪ I... ♪
♪ Ain't hiding ♪
♪ I... ♪
♪ Ain't hiding ♪
♪ No more ♪
♪ I... ♪
♪ Ain't hiding ♪
♪ I... ♪

[Children screaming] ♪ Ain't hiding ♪
♪ No more. ♪

Oh god.

I miss everything.

You know what I mean?

What?

All sports.

For real, what were you good at?

Football, baseball, basketball.

Really?

President of my school.

Were you president of your school?

The lead in all the plays.

You were president of your school?

Remember the Billie Jean video with Michael Jackson?

Like, literally I would walk and the sidewalk would just light up, like, gold light.

And girls were just like, "Oh, wow."

What were they like?

They were just like, "Oh, wow."

[laughs] These things happened.

Why is this so hard for you to believe?

Can I ask you a really super personal question?

Yeah, sure.

Do you ever think about... doing something with your hair?

[laughs]

I'm just... I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, I'm just asking... because there are, like, a couple of separate areas.

I just feel like this one... maybe should go.

Yeah, well I refer to this as my island.

This is Gilligan's Island.

It just kinda... it looks like a comma.

Really, I mean this... You're laughing at the fact that I'm follicularly challenged?

"Follicularly challenged"?

See, it's sh*t like that is the reason you're not getting laid.

Hey.

Where you going? You going out?

No.

Why are you all dressed up? What's going on? No.

I made you a drink.

Where is everybody?

They are gone.

And we are going to... try something different.

Well, okay.

This is a nice... surprise.

Um... have you had dinner yet?

No. We're not going to...

Good, 'cause I'm starving.

We're not gonna talk about food.

Can I just, like, grab a sandwich or something?

No. No talking.

Like a snack?

No more talking.

Right now, you're gonna take a sip of that drink... and you're gonna go straight to the bedroom.

I don't know what's happening right now. I feel like if you could just include me...

Do you want me to make you?

Do I...

I'll make you.

You're gonna...

Just go, please. Just go.

Okay.

Go.

Wait, why do we have two?

Actually, according to my agent, I'm supposed to eat, like, all of this pizza.

I don't get it.

She, uh... with a great sense of compassion, told me that I am a "tweener." which means I'm too fat for leading-man roles and I'm too skinny to be the chubby, funny best friend.

But you want to be a leading man.

Nah, I'm already fat as f*ck anyway and, you know, losing my hair.

Pushing 40...

Oh, wait, hold on, Frank's... Hold on.

What? What's that, buddy?

[Baby coos]

He said you could be the next Brad Pitt... if you just stop acting like a big puss.

Frank said that?

Listen to me, I'm about to blow your f*cking mind.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'm gonna train you. And when I'm through with you, you are gonna get leading-man roles.

You're gonna train... What do you know about training?

My friend... your whole life is about to change.

Okay. Mm-hmm.

Excuse me.

Take that pizza, walk over to that trash can, and throw it in the trash.

No, I can't do that. This is a whole pizza.

Take yourself seriously.

What's gonna replace this?

When this is gone what's gonna replace it?

Stop asking questions, and get up and do it.

You can do this. Come on.

Stand up, right now, walk to the trash.

[laughs]

Doesn't it feel good? Don't you feel lighter already?

You feel like a weight's been lifted?

Yeah, a little bit.

My friend, you will always remember this moment.

[High-heels tapping]

What are you doing?

I'm taking my clothes off. What are you doing?

Who told you to take your clothes off?

Um... [locks latching]

Stand up.

Is that for tonight, or are we...

Stand... up.

Okay, I'm sorry. All right, I'm up.

Come on.

Okay, now you can get undressed.

Now I can take... okay.

Yeah.

Get naked, go on.

Don't mind if I do.

And... I like it.

I'm going to take my clothes off and...

I might even help you out, just...

What?

No.

Are...

No.

Are you not...

You don't get to touch me.

Take your pants off.

Are you not getting undressed?

Pants off.

I'm happy to take my pants off.

You're not gonna know what I'm gonna do.

Oh.

I can't tell if this is...

Okay, all right.

Go on.

Are you gonna get naked at some point?

You can stop asking me questions and do what I told you.

Okay, all right.

Um...

But you left something on.

Right.

Didn't I tell you to take everything off?

Are we gonna, like, kiss or something?

Take your underpants off.

Take them off.

Oh, okay, yeah.

Take them off.

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

I wanna see everything.

There. Got it, okay.

Good.

I like it.

It's all here.

Okay, sit down.

I would like to see you naked. I would like to know we're in it together.

Okay, maybe at some point I'm gonna be naked.

Just, for now...

Okay. Okay.

We're just gonna do what I wanna do.

Okay.

Could I get a...

The bed... sit down.

Could I get a banana real quick?

I'm getting a little sugar crashy...

Are you serious?

All right, never mind. I'm on the bed.

Okay, good.

I'm on the bed.

[laughs] Okay, those are handcuffs.

Holy sh*t. All right.

Mm-hmm. Give me your hands, please.

Okay.

This is your punishment for trying to touch me before.

Was I being bad? Was I doing a little bit of that?

Was I doing...

Oh, that's really bad.

Oh, I see... okay.

You're very bad.

Mm-hmm.

Get on all fours.

You want me to like...

Yeah.

Like a dog?

Yeah, that's what I want. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I want.

I really want to make love tonight.

I'm super excited, I'm...

Do it.

Okay. Oh my God. Okay.

Do it now.

All right. Okay. All right.

Ooh, okay. Um...

It's a little chilly in here. Would you mind...

No. No... just turning the heat up a little bit?

No, that was not like, me... I wasn't being in character. Stop...

I was just wondering if we could turn the heat up.

Can you stop being a p*ssy...

That's a little rude... for one second?

I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be a p*ssy.

Listen, I'm super excited about the lovemaking, but I'm a little hungry... ow! f*ck!

What did you just slap my ass for?

I told you that I was gonna punish you, 'cause you were trying to touch my boobs when I told you you couldn't.

Jesus, Michelle.

Okay? So... f*ck, I'll never try to touch your boobs again.

Let this play out.

Sorry. Jesus.

Let me do what I wanna do, and good things are coming, okay?

That's the point of it.

Okay, okay.

You're not gonna put anything in there though, right?

'Cause I can't... if you're gonna put something in, I... that's my last thing.

No, I'm not gonna put anything in there.

I don't have anything else.

Okay, got it. I'm ready.

Look, okay?

Okay, I'm gonna be good.

Good.

Okay, I'm gonna spank you again, because of before...

Okay...

When you were bad.

I was bad. So...

You got it, and I deserve to be spanked. Yeah.

Yeah, you do.

And once you spank me enough, I get to take your clothes off and get my reward.

Yes.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Then I think it's time for spanking.

But that's when I say.

When I say.

Okay, fine.

Your terms, but...

Okay.

Let's get to spank... okay, here we... yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you like that?

You know what? I do.

You do?

I really do.

You like that?

I'm enjoying the spanking.

Yeah, you like that.

I do, I do.

Yeah, I like the spanking.

Does that feel good?

And when we spank enough...

Yeah, you know you deserve it.

That dress is gonna... ow! Oh!

f*ck! Oh God!

What?!

Oh f*ck!

Did I get something?

Did I do something? What happened?

You got my ball. You hit my ball.

sh*t.

Okay, I'm sure it's fine.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Let me look, okay. I'm sure it's fine.

Oh sh*t, Brett!

My ball!

Oh my God.

Look at my ball.

Oh God, Brett.

Look at my ball.

I need ice. Get ice, please.

Okay.

Ice! Ice!

Shh! I'm going, okay?

Please!

Oh, god damn it.

God!

Just break the f*cking lock open!

I didn't do the greatest job on the lock.

Go!

Do not wait! [door opens]

Oh God. [groans]

Ow.

[Belches] Oh, once you get the... the burps are coming.

Michelle: Brett, there's no ice.

What do you mean there's no ice?!

Michelle: You didn't fix the ice maker.

You people never fill the ice trays in this house, and it f*cking pisses me off!

Get me some frozen peas or some vegetables.

This is what we have.

Are you f... oh my God.

We don't have frozen peas.

Are you kidding me?

Just don't look at it.

I'm sorry, Sophie.

[Groans] Oh f*ck.

Okay.

[Belches] Oh sh*t.

[Gasps, belches] Are you okay?

Are you gonna be sick? Are you really gonna be sick?

When you get a ball crushed, it goes into your stomach. But I think I'm gonna throw up.

Do you want the trash can?

[belches] Get me a bucket.

[Belching continues] Oh sh*t.

Okay, it's here. It's here, baby, okay?

Oh, Jesus, there's a dirty diaper in there, Michelle!

Well, it's the trash! Come on!

Man on TV: A picture of you and your mother... [woman gasps on TV] right above the fireplace. I think that works beautifully, don't you?

Woman on TV: She was with me when I bought the tile.

Oh my God.

I can't believe you did this...

You have, like, 52 keys.

Here, hand Frank over.

All right.

[Cries] There you are.

You having trouble?

Yes.

How's this?

[Shrieks] [Sophie laughs]

I mean...

Ugh, the big payback.

[laughing continues]

Play on her now, ugh!

Big payback, ugh!

Could you possibly get me inside?

The big payback. Actually I think it's open.

The big payback. Yep, see?

Big payback, ugh! My God, ugh!

[Funk music playing]

♪ Woooooooo ♪
♪ Lord ♪
♪ The big payback ♪
♪ You sold me out ♪
♪ For check and change ♪
♪ You said my woman had it all arranged ♪
♪ Tried to make a deal ♪
♪ She wanted to squeal ♪
♪ But I had my boys ♪
♪ On her heels ♪
♪ I saw her when she come in, towin' the line ♪
♪ She broke down and she wanted to cry ♪
♪ I don't care what she does ♪
♪ She gonna be doing just like she was ♪
♪ Take those kids and raise 'em up ♪
♪ Show 'em how to drink up a righteous cup ♪
♪ Take her ♪
♪ Take that woman ♪
♪ There's one place she's bound ♪
♪ Just run that mother out of town... ♪