02x05 - Just the Range

[bunniefuu]

Mr. Belyakov: Everything okay?

Brett, stop playing. Stop playing.

What?

Shh!

Come here!

What's going on? What happened?

It's the landlord.

Mr. Belyakov: I heard big bump.

He's not happy about the situation.

Mr. Belyakov: I come in, okay?

(keys rattling)

Oh... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Mr. Belyakov. Welcome.

Everything's A-okay, Mr. Belyakov.

What is that?

Uh...

My friend has an electric vehicle.

He just needed a quick boost.

Mr. Belyakov: No. No, no, no, boys.

Sorry about that. We'll cover that.

We just...

It's messy here.

Sorry.

What are you playing, "Harry Potter"?

Both: "Dune."

So this is why pretty girl left.

Jesus.

Where is Christy, by the way?

She's been, uh, working nights.

Yeah, but she hasn't really been here during the day either.

sh*t.

Found it.

"I'm leaving. Not that you'd notice since you live in an imaginary world with your closeted lover, Brett."

Might want to read the rest of that in private.

Oh.

Sorry, man.

Michelle: Okay, so Tina's gonna be here in an hour.

Thank you so much for covering.

Sure, no problem.

You're going to Tiller?

Uh... yeah.

I'm just meeting this other mom there who's... she seems like she's really on top of things.

Cool. Sounds good.

I feel like I should... just let you know that, um...

David is not a part of the charter school at all, and...

You know...

I'm sorry. Can we not have this conversation right now?

I have a lot of work to do, and I'm just not...

No, I'm not...

But just so you know, I'm not trying to have a conversation.

I'm just saying he...

I just wanted to let you know I'm not, like, going to work and, like, seeing him...

Yeah, but I don't... want you to mention his name right now is what I'm trying to explain to you, okay?

Okay.

So we're...

I feel... I just... I'm trying to just say that I'm not...

Michelle, shut the f*ck up!

You f*cked him.

Don't talk to me about him.

'Cause I get to sit here looking at my stuff and thinking about him making you cum in a hotel room.

Okay.

Okay.

(door closes)

Your husband f*cking hates you.

Really, that's great.

You know what, Brett?

Don't ask if everything's okay if you don't actually want to know whether everything's okay.

Why are you even asking?

Just to be, like, a f*cking...

Hi.

Everything okay?

Hi, Anna. Yeah. Just... waiting, um...

I'm just, like, having a meltdown.

Hey.

Hi.

What is going on?

Oh...

Okay. Um...

I guess I just don't know what the f*ck I'm doing?

Like, my husband hates me, my kids are mad at me 'cause I'm gone all the time, I am so in over my head with the school since David quit.

I just feel like I'm f*cking everything up.

Like, I just keep making mistakes just...

Not just here, but, like...

You know what?

You just need to take a second and stop.

You're kicking ass on this school.

You are!

I am in, like, awe of what you are doing.

I am in awe of what we are doing.

Like, everyone involved is just so proud and excited to be a part of this.

It's, like, the best thing in my life right now.

Oh.

That is not saying attendance.

I am a stay-at-home mother of two, but...

I think what we're doing is pretty f*cking awesome, okay? Okay.

That makes me feel good. Thank you.

So just know that.

Thanks.

Wipe that...

And now this guy.

What?

Ugh. Just this contractor is, ike, making my life a misery.

Ah.

Every time I see him, there's a new cost, there's something going on.

He's, like, pushing back the date...

Ugh. That's what contractors do.

I mean...

I know, but I just, like, I don't know enough to call him on his bullshit.

And even if I did, I don't have time to, like, manage a construction site.

Hold on.

I have just the thing.

First off...

I think this color would look amazing on you.

All right, now, I have something in here that is gonna make everything better.

It's so pretty.

Why don't we have some fun with this guy?

You want one?

Um...

What is it, like, a lollipop?

Well, kind of.

Let's f*cking do this.

The town? You know, I'm not exactly sure.

Hello?

Oh, he's adorable.

Oh, thank you.

He's a big flirt. (chuckles)

Yeah, you are.

You are.

(farts)

(farts)

(giggling)

(farts)

(sniffs)

Oh.

Excuse me.

There's a changing room on the second floor.

Oh, is there? Thank you so much.

Yeah.

Um... nobody has a diaper, do they?

No.

No diaper?

Fire hose and a hazmat suit?

(squish)

I didn't want to have to do this, but frankly, you brought it on yourself.

(grunts)

Yeah, copy.

Megan, uh, are you sure about this thing?

I... I look like Judas Priest.

(whispers) Yeah, it's gothic.

It looks amazing on you.

I... What? Why are you whispering?

I can't... (whispers)

Excuse me. I need to check in on Jennifer.

What is... What are you doing?

What?

Big C in the house!

(whispers) Pappas!

Shh, shh, shh.

Yeah! Shh.

Why are you whisp... Why is everyone whispering?

No, no. I think... uh... everybody...

It's just... well, everybody's being real chill right now 'cause I think they're all excited to work with you, to be honest.

Okay.

Uh, speaking of which, let's get you chained up in your dungeon.

Yeah.

I'm just gonna say hi to the new director real quick and then we'll go.

Yeah, no, no, no. the thing about that is, uh, he likes to keep a set like... he wants to jump into the first take without talking it to death, you know what I mean?

Just jump right into it.

Is that the assh*le director from "Into the Canyon"?

Uh... yeah, dude. So crazy good with visuals and sh*t, right?

Is he crying?

Uh... I don't know.

Allergies maybe?

Maybe he's sad 'cause he's a horrible person. He... ruined my best friend. (chuckles)

f*cking crazy.

Guys, let's roll on one, right?

Let's... let's get one goin'.

Contractor: Now that the drywall is off, we might have asbestos in the walls, which if it is, I'm sure I don't have to tell you... nightmare.

(mouthing)

Now, my asbestos guys are really busy over the next couple weeks, but I might be able to squeeze them in on the weekend if you can swing time-and-a-half.

Oh, my gosh, really? Thank you.

This way.

Now, we are gonna have to redo the entire roof here, okay? The entire roof.

Because the whole base layer was totally rotted out.

So...

I know you got hard out at the end of the summer, but with all these issues, I don't think I can guarantee the completion of the original timeline we discussed.

I mean, like... this place is a mess.

I think you're a mess.

(chuckles) You heard me.

I said you're a mess.

You took this contract, you knew we were under a deadline, you start whining and bitching and moaning, pushing back your f*cking deadline and jacking up your prices?!

Well, I... I just wasn't aware of your personal issues...

Stop. You're fired.

Tell him.

You are fired.

Okay. Fine.

Good luck, ladies...

'cause you're gonna f*cking need it.

(laughs) Good luck to you.

(gasps) Oh, my God.

Yes!

What a gentleman.

Oh...

No. No, no, no.

No, no, no. Shh!

Oh, why did we do that?

We are gonna be fine! Look, I have a guy.

I gave him a ton of work.

He owes me big time.

You think he'll do it?

I'm gonna make him do it.

Is anybody up there?

I'm not a monster!

I simply have a sleep disorder!

And for the love of God, I need food!

And water!

Please!

Please, please help me!

Cut?

Big C: We're in the middle of a take and he just walks off set.

No. Like, he's physically not here.

Hello?

Alex: Uh, where... where's the director?

Uh, yeah, cut.

(ringing) Dude, so good.

So f*cking good.

Hey guys, let's take five, right?

(clattering)

Not in the cabinet...

Whoa! Hey, man, you're in the wrong place.

Get out, bro!

Homeboy, you're in the wrong place.

This is my clothes.

These are my organic cold-pressed juices, Vegapocolypse.

Okay.

Do you have any...

Where's the mini-bar in here?

I don't have a minibar.

This isn't a hotel.

Coke, narcos, any... any kind of painkillers, muscle relaxants, anything?

I...

You know what? Let me get a medic for you.

No, no, no, no!

They send you in here looking for me?

Uh...

Did who send me in here looking for you?

The f*cking producers, man.

Did they send you in here to get me?

No, they didn't.

Look, I'm sorry, man.

I'm trying to be a better guy.

(sighs)

I just have very deep self-esteem issues, and I'm trying to change that, but it's really hard, man, and I'm sorry if I took that out on you.

It is not your fault and I want you to know that.

Okay.

Yeah, I... I know that.

I know I'm a dickhead and I have alienated everybody... but I can't go in there... and face those people, man.

Okay.

(cries)

Oh, my God.

It's f*cking embarrassing.

Um...

When we... when we go back in there, can...

Can you help me?

Please?

Girl 1: You can live there for all I care.

Girl 2: Oh, my God.

Why are you coming at me like this?

I have literally done everything you wanted to do today!

Yep, sure we did.

We went to every m*therf*cking store!

And you know what? I even had to talk to that nasty, unmarried bald man!

Excuse me, would you ladies like to take the 110 or the 134?

Oh, my God!

Just keep talking, bitch. Okay?

Excuse me, ladies...

Just keep talking!

Uh-uh-uh!

You did not just tell me...

I will slap those eyelashes right off of you!

You know what? We'll take the 110 then.

All you do is tell people what to do!

f*cking broad!

Hey!

No! Hey! Stop it this instant!

Nobody's k*lling anybody, okay?

Hey, I'm driving!

Whoa! Whoa! Okay! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

(arguing continues) Hey!

Hey, cut it out!

All right. Um...

Okay. Hey!

I f*cking hate you!

Get out of my car! Enough!

Get out of my car... Oh!

(door opens)

Larry: Tina? I'm home. (door closes)

Tines?

sh*t.

f*ck.

Hey!

Hey!

I didn't expect you to... be home.

Yeah.

We had an accident. (coughs)

It's all right, sweetie.

We had a really big poop, and we were around the corner, (Frank cries) and we had such a big poop...

It's okay, sweetie.

And so, we just ended up coming here, and I, um... uh...

Okay, it's all right, sweetie.

I know. It's okay.

We're gonna leave! We're just leaving right now!

I just gotta get my stuff!

Hon?

Hey, little man.

Want some Cheerios?

(cries)

Cheerio you right up-io.

(chews) That's right.

Man, these are good.

Do you think you can handle some Cheerios?

(imitates plane)

Oh.

What do you think of that?

What do you think of that?

(imitates plane) They're magic.

(babbles) Yeah, I know. I know.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ Almost there.

Almost there. (mutters)

(grunts) (shackles clatter)

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Save up all the days ♪

I think we got that.

Yes!

(ringing) f*ckin' Pappas!

♪ A routine malaise ♪
♪ Just like yesterday ♪
♪ I told you I would stay ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Would you always ♪
♪ Always ♪
♪ Maybe sometimes ♪

Dudley: See you next week.

♪ Make it easy? ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ Oh ♪

Is... is that a tiara or a crown?

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

You don't like it? No, I do!

You know, I would!

You would?

I would! Of Course!

Of course you would!

It's so cool 'cause you... 'cause you guys are just...

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

Brett: See, that's where you got it wrong.

This is a new service.

This is called Uber Zombie...

Natalie: Oh! (laughs) where you got some blood on the seats, Yeah.

You got a little blood in the hair, we got little dents in the forehead.

Mm-hmm.

It's gonna be the sh*t.

Um, quick question.

Mm-hmm?

Do... do all Uber-zies, uh, come with...

Is it just, like, Bruce Hornsby on the radio across the board or is that, like...

Well, you got a lot of options in here.

You got Bruce Hornsby, Mmkay. you got Bruce Hornsby and the Range, Okay. or you can have just the Range.

Wait. Like, the Range has their own...

The Range was the sh*t on their own.

♪ Long ago ♪ They... they... oh!

♪ Uh-huh ♪ Yeah.

♪ Listen to the mandolin rain ♪
♪ Now we are just the Range ♪
♪ Yeah, listen to our awesome new song ♪

(car turns off) Brett: Oh!

(Natalie laughs) sh*t.

Um...

This is the part where I m*rder you.

That was a joke. (laughs)

Uh, I just... My battery just d*ed.

Not going to k*ll you, just...

Are you okay?

Oh... What happened?

That wasn't that funny.

No, no, no, no.

That really wasn't that funny.

I had a little, uh, a little wine maybe before...

Oh, okay. That's better.

Um, your toy cart. I... I...

Good, good. I was starting to think you might be an idiot, so this... this is better.

Ooh, no, yeah. Better.

Does this conclude our journey, uh, or...

I mean, it... it better 'cause I literally can't go anywhere.

Can't go anywhere.

Okay.

I'm living in your driveway.

Okay.

This is what's gonna happen.

Um, I could, um, in fact give you that electricity you're looking for.

I was begging for that, just so you know.

I know you were.

Thank you properly.

Did you know I was making you work for it?

Yeah. Oh.

Because you made a joke about murdering me in my own driveway, so...

Well, that's a good point.

All right, I'll tell you what, I will give you a free Uber ride for a little juice.

Ooh!

Sold.

(chuckles) Well, hello.

Mm. Mm-mm.

Mm.

Wow.

What are you doing?

I was...

Well, you see, I was...

Getting a condom.

Yeah, I was.

What... I'm on the pill.

Oh.

Oh, uh...

Tina: Really? That is so f*cked up!

That is so f*cked up!

Do you think I'm that crazy that I would f*cking lie to you?

I didn't say that.

Please calm down.

Well, that is that you are implying!

Please calm down.

Don't f*cking tell me Hey, I said to calm down!

Not to speak to me like that!

No!

f*ck you! I'll speak to you however the f*ck I want!

What the f*ck was that?

I'm sorry about the condom, but you've gotta get hold of yourself.

Will you please...

I'm a hold of myself.

What the f*ck was that?

What kind of person do you think I am?

Let me just... let me just ask you a question.

Do you want children?

(laughs) It's all you talk about.

That's what I'm doing right now.

You're right, but you're obsessed with your sister's children.

You asked me what I do, I said I brought them here, I brought them there.

I... This is what we did. That's my day.

That's what I'm just telling you, what my day is.

But you do.

It's okay to.

No, I don't.

I don't. I just wanna...

I just... I don't know if I do.

I just don't know, so I just don't wanna close the door.

Why does the door have to be closed?

Well, it's not.

Just because I don't want it to be closed doesn't mean that it has to be!

This door is... this door is not closed for you.

Okay!

That's all I need to know, that it's not closed.

The door is not closed for you.

The door is closed for me.

It's not closed for you.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to have children.

Nothing.

Do you know how many men that are out there that would k*ll to have children with you?

I am sorry I'm not that man.

How can you just say that you know that you don't want any?

I saw you with Frank.

I love kids. I... I do.

So that's all it is!

Well, I mean no, it's more.

It's... it's... it's...

No!

It's way, way, way, way, way more than that.

It isn't with me!

I would do everything.

I want to do everything.

I finally found something I'm good at... and I wanna do it with you.

Oh, honey.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

All right, the key with Hot Pockets... a lot of paper towels.

Yeah. Keep it going, man. This is our safety.

I...

You call it.

Actually, I'm totally bluffing.

I'm... This is freaking me out.

You... your car plugs in.

We need to put these...

I knew this. put these... put these back.

I can't do that.

The Dead Sea Scrolls.

God.

(laughs) Amazing.

Oh.

You... you don't have to laugh about that, but thanks.

Yeah, well, it's fine.

I appreciate it.

Oh! Hot!

But it's really good.

Wow!

Whoa!

Why is he moving like that?

Wait, what's that?

What... (laughs)

What's he doing with the belt?

Got a lot of records.

Mm-hmm.

(ringing)

Alex: Hello?

Hello?

(Brett's phone dings)

Whoa, I'm, uh, dinging here.

Oh.

Did your car just call you?

Yeah, it's an app thing that says when it's charged.

Uh, it's, like, halfway.

Oh.

Um... and you're gonna go now?

Uh... I...

I'm sorry.

I don't know.

Um...

I mean... uh, yeah, no. If, um... if you do go, you should... you should lock the door on the way out, but, um... if you want to stay, you can stay.

♪ If the fish swam ♪
♪ Out of the ocean ♪
♪ And grew legs ♪
♪ And they started walking ♪
♪ And the apes climbed down ♪
♪ From the trees ♪
♪ And grew tall ♪
♪ And they started talking ♪
♪ And the stars fell ♪
♪ Out of the sky ♪
♪ And my tears rolled ♪
♪ Into the ocean ♪
♪ And now I'm looking ♪
♪ For a reason why ♪
♪ You even set my world into motion ♪
♪ 'Cause if you're not really here ♪
♪ Then I don't wanna be either ♪
♪ I wanna be next to you ♪
♪ Black and gold ♪
♪ Black and gold ♪
♪ Black and gold ♪
♪ Black and gold ♪
♪ Black and gold ♪
♪ Black and gold ♪