02x08 - For the Kids

(gong clangs)

(didgeridoo humming)

And where war lies, it is I who shall bring peace.

And where disruption lies, it is I who shall bring love.

Yes, I shall lead my faithful people to endless... freedom!

(gong clangs)

You guys are amazing!

Mm-hmm.

Right, Frank? (whimpering)

He loved it!

This is a disaster.

Worst thing I've ever seen.

It's beyond a disaster.

Look at this! He looks like a big pen1s.

They put so much work into it. How? Why?

It's stupid-ass f*cking Dune.

Why did we get all that sand?

'Cause we're idiots, that's why.

Oh God, Tina. I cannot show this to the board members.

No, of course you can't.

I am f*cked.

Yeah, you are.

Oh, my God. Anna's gonna win the school.

Yes, she is.

Oh God, Tina.

I'm sorry honey, but there's...

Oh, God, it's true!

We're so f*cked!

You know what?

You're gonna have to f*ckin' tell him that you can't show it.

We're, like, barely speaking right now, Tina.

And I feel like it would be better coming from you right now.

What? I'm the worst liar ever, no! I can't do it.

And besides, I have to go to the gyno right now and get my stuff checked out.

Right now, you have to go and do that?

Well, in case you hadn't noticed, I don't have much time to spare.

What am I gonna do? I'm so f*cked.

I'm so f*cked. Okay.

Here they come.

All right, so I'll do it. I'll do it.

I'll take care of it.

So?

Well, hello. So...

Thoughts? Feelings?

I mean... it was...

And... like...

I'm gonna run off to the doctor 'cause I'm so late, and Michelle will tell you what we thought.

Um...

Uh, I should probably go, uh, check on Tina. (clears throat)

Well... uh, okay.

Hey. Wait up. Can I come with?

Why do you want to come with me to the gynecologist?

'Cause the gynecologist is not in there, with them, and what's about to happen.

The show's terrible, I know.

You do?

I mean, I just... you know, I guess, in the end, I was doing it more for Brett.

It's just, like, we need some tweaks.

No, Brett, I'm not talking about tweaks.

Well, give me some notes. Why aren't you helping me fix this?

Because we can't put this show up on Saturday.

We can't. It...

The show does not work.

Hold... hold on a sec. Okay.

(sighs) All right. Hold on.

Are you sure you're not making this about Natalie, 'cause I would really prefer to separate...

Brett.

The personal from the professional here for a second.

I absolutely am. This is not about Natalie.

(phone rings) This... sh1t.

What, you need to answer the...

I'm sorry.

Answer the phone.

Listen, it's... I'm gonna not answer it.

I don't want to interrupt you from crushing my soul here, so...

I have a lot riding on this too.

I understand.

You always make it about you. (scoffs)

Yes?

Oh, my God. Is... She's heading there right now?

Yeah. Okay.

Yes, we're on our way. We're coming.

What? What's going on? What's going on?

Yo, yo, yo, yo. My name is Frank.

Frank the Tank. I got a stank in my bank.

A-dibble-dibble-dibble-dibble.

(phone vibrates)

Hey, Brett.

Alex, it's Michelle. What hospital are you guys at?

Uh, St. James Memorial.

Oh, thank God. Okay. I... Brett! Jesus Christ!

Sophie had a fall, and she's at the emergency room at St. James Memorial.

Is everything okay?

Michelle: I... we don't know.

We're trying to... Brett, seriously, you are going to kill us!

I got this.

Michelle: sh1t. Okay.

Alex, can you just go there and see if she's okay, and tell her we'll be there as soon as possible.

Okay, I'm on it.

(crying)

All right, little buddy.

Left! Left lane! Left lane!

Yeah, I know it's left!

I can see! Jesus Christ!

God, can you stop yelling at me?

Dude!

You're driving like an asshole!

(tires screech) Michelle: God! (sighs)

f*ck! (sighs)

Elderly follicles. (laughs) Elderly follicles.

That's... Wonder what they look like.

There we go. (phone rings)

I'm sorry, my...

I'll just...

What do you want?

What? Here? Okay, I'll be right there.

I'm so sorry, I'm gonna have to, um... (gasps)

(horn honking)

Brett!

What can they do? Nothing!

They can swerve. They can go around.

There's a whole f*ckin' shoulder there.

No, it... it's illegal, and it's dangerous.

Yeah, I don't care.

I can fit.

Don't. Don't!

What? What do you want to do?

Listen...

You wanna sit in traffic, or you wanna go to the hospital?

Of course I want... Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh, Brett!

You are driving through trees! You are a maniac!

I'm going through, like, a f*cking forest.

f*cking branches!

This is not safe!

Oh, sh1t!

(screams)

Sorry.

Where is she? Is she okay?

She's in there right now. She broke one of her arms.

She fell off the monkey bars.

They're worried about the growth plates.

Jesus. Why aren't you in there?

They won't let me in there because I'm not family.

Hey! Excuse me.

There's a five-year-old in there, Sophie Pierson, I'm her aunt.

(alarm chirps) What are you doing?

I'm gonna call a taxi, call an Uber or something.

Brett, it's totally gridlocked.

Well, we'll f*ckin' walk then.

Are you okay?

Where are my mom and dad?

(mouthing)

They're... they're coming.

They just got a little stuck.

(phone vibrating)

There's Mommy and Daddy now.

Ah! Look at that!

Hey, guys.

How is she? Is she okay?

Alex: She's okay. She just came out. You wanna talk to her?

Yes, put her on.

Oh, my God, yeah. (laughs)

Hey, sweetie. It's Mommy and Daddy.

How you doin'?

Hi, baby!

Brett: How's my brave girl?

Hey, Sophie, can you hear us?

Soph?

Michelle: Hi!

Tina: Yeah, hi.

(whispers inaudibly)

The cell reception is so bad in the hospital.

Should we just meet at home?

Sure, okay.

Tina: She's doing great. She's a trouper.

Yeah, yeah. We'll... we'll see you at home.

I love you.

See you soon. Love you. Bye!

Jesus.

(door opens)

Brett: Hey.

Hey, baby. How are you?

I think you have been really brave, and maybe... you might like some ice cream?

(Tina gasps) No. I'm just tired.

Okay. Well then, Mommy and Daddy will put you down.

Brett: Yeah. Sweetie, come here.

You wanna...

Come on, sweetie.

Sweetie, it's okay.

You can... you don't have to whisper.

I want Tina to put me down.

Sweetie, I think Mommy and Daddy would love to cuddle with you.

No, it's... it's okay.

If you want Tina to put you down, then Tina can put you down.

(gasps) Let's hit it! (mouthing)

It's okay.

Yeah, thank you.

I just wanted this whole thing to be for Sophie, and for me, and... for the whole neighborhood, I wanted it.

And I could really see it this whole time, I could really envision it.

But, um...

Now I just, you know, like...

I mean, my daughter won't even talk to me.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Those two things have nothing to do with each other.

You can be a working mom and, you know, that's not the reason why you weren't there today. Those are separate things.

Yeah, and, uh, I'm... I'm sure that we can all, you know, brainstorm a new idea.

Yeah.

Alex: Um...

I wonder if there's, like, even like an act or something we could book who could come in and, like, we could pay someone, pay an act?

It's... guys, it's, um...

Thank you for all, um...

I think I'm just done with the school. I think I just can't.

I can't right now. (sobbing)

♪ When everything we felt fails ♪
♪ Then some music soft and distant sails ♪
♪ And blue water turns to... ♪

I don't wanna go to school today.

♪ A place that I can't get to ♪
♪ A place ♪
♪ That I can't ♪

Hey.

Hey.

Hey!

Brett: What's going on?

What happened to school today?

Oh, she didn't want to go to school.

Hm. Well, that's understandable.

I'm not going back until my casts are off.

What!? Are you crazy? Those casts are awesome.

I don't want my friends to see me. I look like a monster.

Oh, sweetheart. I told you that you don't look like a monster.

Baby, okay. You wanna just hang out for a minute?

Can you help us move this thing?

Yeah.

But, I mean, where exactly are we gonna put this?

I don't know. I feel like we just... at this point, maybe just put it in a Dumpster. We just gotta get it out of here.

Sophie: What is this?

(all laugh)

It's a sandworm!

Sophie: It's very cool.

Where did it come from?

Alex and I made it.

You made this? What for?

It's for the show. Uh, it was...

We were gonna make a puppet show called Dune, and, uh, it was for Mama's school.

Wait, all this stuff was for Mama's school?

Uh, yeah.

Mom, I wanna go to your school.

(laughs)

Brett: All right. We'll do... do an "on three."

One, two, three.

Michelle: Wait. I think I've got it.

Tina: What?

I... the... the way to save the school.

It's... it's Dune!

Wait, I... don't do that to me.

No, no, no, no! But it's not Dune.

It's... it's an educational, interactive theater show. For the kids.

It's gonna be built by the kids with us, the teachers.

Oh, my God. We're gonna tear this all down and rebuild it all.

We are?

Yes.

But we have less than 24 hours before the vote.

All right, here we go. Timber! Coming down.

I want you to do blue right here.

Okay.

Brett: All right.

Let's keep it moving, guys.

Clock's tickin'.

Oh, my God! Dude, you're scaring me!

You got it? You got it?

I got it.

I think it's gonna make it a lot easier for me to just touch base with each and every person before the vote.

How do we feel about the flowers?

'Cause I really think that...

Let me show you what it's gonna be.

I don't...

So basically, you want to pull this up to your crotch properly.

That's great. That feels great.

Yeah!

All right, guys. First draft is here.

See what you think. Get your eyes on it.

Good. You should put a xylophone and then music boxes right there.

Ah!

Can you come help with one more thing?

Hey, guys. We have reinforcements.

Hi!

Brett: Hey, guys.

Alex: There he is!

Come on, guys! (overlapping chatter)

This is gonna be the mask and box, it's blue on the outside.

That's where all the good dragons live.

And that is my dad's mask, and that is what my dad's suit's gonna be.

(soft harp music plays)

(indistinct chatter)

You know, they are a little expensive, but I think, you know, it's worth it, right, to have some quality food?

Salad is so good here. They did really good canapes.

Have you tried it? So good.

You guys, thank you so much. Great to see you. Okay. Yeah?

Merci! Merci beaucoup!

This is so exciting. Our big vote is in about an hour now, but I just wanted to thank you all so much for coming out a little early, and just making a night out of this, right?

(applause)

Tonight, you all are going to be making the choice of just what kind of school you want to send your children to.

And I cannot speak to this nebulous art school concept that my colleague has somewhat cobbled together, but what I can speak to is the heart of Le Petit Village.

(applause)

Elegance. Excellence.

Discipline. Prestige. (Sophie roaring)

These are the pillars that we are going to build our school on, and it's going to be such... (Sophie roaring) a rich foundation.

Take this.

(toy squeaks)

Hear ye, hear ye! Your way of life is interesting to us, but now we must invite you to come next door and see how we live!

Wanna come to another planet?

Follow me!

(children chattering)

Come on!

Welcome to our planet!

This planet has no name.

It is a new place, and we are looking for children, wise, knowing, creative children, to lead us to our destiny.

(rhythmic tapping)

(electronic tone plays)

However, evil forces threaten our way of life from all sides.

(squawks) Ca-caw!

We must protect our new planet!

For without us to save her, she will surely die.

(squawks)

Alex: How will we stop them?

I need your help, children!

(Tina squawks)

Go away! Back!

(Tina squawks)

(roars)

Children, join us! Join the fight for our new planet!

Who's with me? (Tina squawks)

I wanna destroy the dragon!

And him! (squawks)

Help, children. I need your help.

(Tina squawking)

Alex: Yes! Come, little ones.

Bring me down to this planet.

My anti-gravitational pull is strong!

Brett: All right, tunic up!

Dragons!

Alex: Quick, dragons, to the rescue!

Now that we are safe, we must settle our planet.

We need food, water, irrigation, government, music!

The red one! Yep.

That's called jammin'.

Alex: This is our new planet.

Help us make it special.

Come, lead us to our destiny!

(children cheering)

We need one more...

Oh, hi.

Whoa.

Perfect, thank you guys!

That's my costume! What are you doing?

Think this should be...

Great. Great!

All right, up higher. Let's center it.

Nice.

Nice. Okay.

Brett: You going over this way. Yes.

Okay, you got it. Alex, can you get this?

Push the button here...

Good job.

What up!

All right, everyone cross your fingers that we're gonna get some water.

Ready? On the count of three. One, two, three!

Yeah! (cheering)

They did it.

Holy sh1t. I can't believe that actually worked. Oh my God.

(inaudible)

♪ In the car In the valley ♪
♪ In the things we say ♪
♪ In the morning In the shadow ♪
♪ In the Milky Way ♪
♪ From the wall to the window ♪
♪ And the world between ♪
♪ What we are What we turn to ♪
♪ What it really means ♪

(whispering) Okay, good.

Hey.

Hi.

No wake-ups?

No. It was... it was pretty good.

You... you're the transfer ninja, man.

Mm. Thanks.

You always had that... skill.

Um... yeah.

I've been... I've been thinking a lot.

Yeah.

About... just us, and where we're at and, um...

I mean, you...

I really hated... all that stuff you said the other night.

I... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

No. Michelle.

You apologized enough.

And I feel like...

I mean, for... I...

I owe you an apology.

I mean, you were right. I've been really self-involved, and I, like, lorded it over you, and I...

I was really... selfish.

And, um, I'm sorry.

I just...

I'm just really sorry.

I just, I mean, I still feel so awful, but... thanks for...

I don't want you to feel awful about it anymore.

I made you feel awful for long enough.

I guess what I'm asking is, like, if it's okay with you...

I kinda wanna come home.

Is that okay, if I just...

Would that be okay, if I come, like, just come home?

I really want you to.

(indistinct) Yeah. Yeah.

We'll just try to work it out, okay?

Ugh! Who made this?

Can we go? I'm starving. What are you doing?

This zipper is f*cking broken, and this f*cking thing is...

Well, you know, it's homemade, and it was made in haste.

So I'm sorry if it doesn't have German engineering, okay?

Just be patient.

I have been f*cking patient.

I'm sweating ball chunks.

Will you turn? Turn. Turn.

Oh! Ow! Let me...

There's another... just...

Can you sit... Can you sit still?

Yeah, I'm standing still!

Jesus f*cking Christ. I'm still.

What...? What are you doing?

Get off.

Um...

Do you have a condom?

No.

♪ Nothing you say ♪
♪ Will ever be wrong ♪
♪ 'Cause it just feels good ♪
♪ Being in your arms ♪
♪ And we feel like ♪
♪ Running around ♪
♪ Is it really this fun when you're on my mind? ♪
♪ Is it really this cool to be in your life? ♪
♪ And I'm going crazy ♪