01x06 - Le Garde du corps

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Kaamelott". Aired: January 3, 2005 –; October 31, 2009.*
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Camelot's King Arthur and his knights seek the Holy Grail.
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01x06 - Le Garde du corps

Post by bunniefuu »

So, you're sure, they accept?

The messenger is certain.

They're coming to Kaamelott
to sign the peace treaty.

It's great, Sire !

Signing a peace treaty is
the most beautiful thing!

(kissing sound)

Pardon me, it's the joy...

Take it easy with the joy!

Are you sure we need
the bodyguard? Because, frankly,

I'm old enough
to protect myself!

I'm sorry, but that's
part of the conditions.

It's usual, imagine
if something were to happen to you

before the signature.

And two days
is not that long!

Besides, I've picked a great guy
for your protection!

I don't doubt it!
It's not against you! It's simply...

being stuck to someone
non-stop for two days...

Yes, day and night!

Day and night?!

- It's part of the conditions.
- No, no, don't worry.

Grüdü is a very discreet guy.

After a while, you won't
even know I'm there.

And, with him, I am not worried!
He's a force of nature.

Trained to k*ll, he grew
up on the Viking ice field,

he was raised by polar bears.

Though, if you feel him
getting a little angry,

just take out a piece of
raw meat- (screams)

You... Let go! You... !

This is so stupid!

- I'm not allowed to leave.
- Still!

He could get a bit of alone time
with his mistresses?

Not with mistresses, nor with his wife.

I'm not allowed to leave him.

At least go stand in the corner!

- I can't get away.
- Look away, then!

It's not gonna be easy like this!

I can't get my eyes off him.

What do we do?
Do we do it anyway?

Certainly not!
Are you insane?

Look, we haven't seen
each other in two w-

Get back! Get back
or I'll gut you!

What's wrong with you?!

No one is allowed to touch him.

Don't be daft!

Do you really think
she wants to m*rder me?!

My my, he scared me stiff!

- No one can touch you.
- What if someone shakes my hand?

or hands me some bread at dinner?

I'll rip their face off.

Are you insane?!

So, if I got it right,
I'm gonna have to be careful

that no one brushes past me
in the corridors for two days!

No one will brush past you,
I'll get to them first.

And my wife? The Queen?!

With all the respect due
to a regal person, Sire...

if the Queen tries to
touch you, I'll f*ck her up.

That'd be a shame.

You'd have to chose a new queen.

As soon at the treaty is signed,
he won't protect you anymore?

No. Now, he's stuck to me,

but in two days he'll let
me die without a care.

Please, don't exagerate!

Is it true, or not?

Please, affection is a factor too.

When you spend this much time
with someone, a bond has to form.

A bond?
What is he on about?

You've been on my tail all afternoon!

Yes, but I really like you.

I think you have a lot of dignity.

You use your power with humility
and magnanimity. It's beautiful.

Well, if you like me,
can't you do me a favor?

Sure, whatever you want.

Can you leave the room
for a half hour?

I'm not allowed to leave you.

Hang on, I'll borrow
this real quick...

Ah!

And now what happens?

Yeah, I'm threatening
myself, you should k*ll me,

but you can't touch me.

Ah...?!

- (grunts)
- Huh?

(grunts)

No no it's alright! Calm down!
Calm down, I'm kidding!

It's a joke! It's ok!
It was a dumb joke! Oh! It's ok!

Here! Have some meat, have some meat!

(chewing noises)

(sighs)

Gosh, those two days are gonna be long!

What if you stopped reading for a while?

Back off! Back off or
I'll claw your eye out!

Yeah, no, I can't because
of the peace treaty, and all...

so I'm... I'm sorry.

Actually, It's kind of nice
to feel protected.
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