Can I help you?
I'm here to visit the founders of this venerable institution...
Mr. Mutt Nutter and Mr. Jeff Pfister.
The fine security staff downstairs were kind enough to give me directions to the correct floor.
The floor is the only thing you have correct.
You do not have an appointment, nor are you carrying a package, so you don't have any business here.
Your employers are fortunate to have someone with your skills guarding their privacy.
I don't respond to flattery.
Nor can you recognize sarcasm.
You need to turn around and go back the way you came.
Mm. You need to take me to your employers. Now.
You might as well ask me to explain your hair.
How did you get past security without an appointment?
I did something like this.
[RECITING SPELL IN LATIN]
My hair is an eternal mystery, never to be fully understood.
Purple is for royalty, dear, not middle management.
Did you put us in Outpost number Two?
Well, I thought if we had to do any last-minute troubleshooting, all the brains should be in one place.
So while the world is burning, Johansson and Lawrence and Theron are in the Bahamas... and we're in West Virginia with Professor Michio Kaku.
He's a brilliant guy.
So was Einstein, but if it's between him and Marilyn Monroe, f*ck the theory of relativity.
I told ya, bro, genetically superior caste, necessary but boring.
Well, who's gonna be in Outpost Three?
'Cause Langdon wants his robot there.
What? He wants the Battle Axe in Three?
Yeah, not only that, but he wants us to wipe her SSD so she doesn't remember he's the Antichrist.
Well, he's the one with the triple sixes, not us.
It's his show.
What a show it's going to be.
Who the f*ck are you?!
Hey, how'd you get past Ms. Venable?
These little symbols are Outposts for the survivors of this little holocaust you're so gleefully anticipating.
JEFF: It's not little, lady.
Yeah. Seven billion dead in the first ten minutes... starting with you.
[RECITING SPELL IN LATIN]
Outpost Three... Where's it located?
[GRUNTS] It's some place called the Hawthorne School.
He donated it 'cause it's underground, naturally shielded.
Mr. St. Pierre Vanderbilt will try to purchase four tickets for himself and his family.
You'll accept his offerand secure him a place at Outpost Three.
Is that clearly understood?
Mm-mmm. There are no spots left.
Make sure there are.
Planning the end of the world over a box of hot wings.
I suppose I must get to the most unpleasant part of my visit.
- What's that?
- The part where I have to leave before killing you both.
MALLORY: A thousand nuclear bombs?
How can we stop that?
Michael's already too powerful.
He can counteract anything we hope to try.
God, I finally find my place in the world, and now it's all gonna end.
I am not ready to die.
Oh, not to make it all about me.
Actually, it is all about you now.
Your father will be purchasing tickets for you and your family to inhabit one of the Cooperative's Outposts.
Coco is the plan?
The calorie counter's gonna save humanity?
No. Mallory is.
Coco is going to secure her place at the bunker.
We have one chance to use Tempus Infinituum.
And we can't risk trying it until Mallory is ready.
The only place where we know you'll survive is under Michael's nose.
In one of his bunkers.
He can smell a witch a mile away like some kind of evil truffle pig.
He'll kill her before she can do anything.
CORDELIA: That's why we're going to place them both under an identity spell.
You'll forget that you're witches.
You'll forget everything you ever knew about yourselves.
The spell will give you new identities, new personalities.
Your job will be to demean Mallory.
Make her doubt herself in order to suppress her natural powers, so that no one can detect her magic.
MYRTLE: We've modeled your new personality after Madison.
No. No, there must be another way.
Consider it an upgrade.
Will my family still remember that I'm a witch?
Your family won't be joining you.
We have to eliminate all variables that might expose you.
But can we just put them under a spell, too?
Until the Apocalypse comes, yes.
But it would be too risky to have them in the bunker with you.
MYRTLE: We'll make sure they're out of the country, and too far from the Outposts to make it to safety in time.
My parents are good people and my brother is kind.
They deserve it so much more than I do.
MALLORY: I don't think I can be responsible for the lives of seven billion people.
Yes, you can.
And when the time comes, you will.
How will I knew when that time is if I'm under a spell?
Your powers will emerge when they are ready.
After you cast the spell... will we remember you?
Not until the spell is broken.
And by then, we all might be piles of ash.
So this is good-bye.
Gather around, witches.
And so it falls to us to save mankind from itself.
And yes, some of us will die, but you two will live.
So the Coven will live on.
So the world will live on.
- You ready?
- COCO: No.
How could I be mean to you?
You've taught me everything I know.
You saved my life.
You are my best friend, Mallory, and I am so sorry for whatever comes out of my mouth on the other side.
- I know you won't mean it.
And spell or no spell, I'd never let anything bad happen to you.
If the world's gonna end, at least we'll be together.
CORDELIA: Please sit.
Memoria unda temporis est,
COCO: Hello! Driver lady, can you please put the windows up?
God, I've asked her, like, ten times, and she keeps ignoring me.
You're gonna have to just push lunch.
It's gonna take him at least two hours to fix this Phil Spector "trial wig" look.
We only booked for an hour. Please don't make me call them again, Coco. Mr. Gallant is the most exclusive stylist in Beverly Hills.
I had to grovel just to get this appointment.
Jesus, Mallory, I really can't do both of our jobs.
- MALLORY: Are you okay?
- COCO: God.
All right, ladies, we're here.
Don't forget to rate me five stars. Please.
- COCO: Okay...
- MR. GALLANT: Coco, yes?
Hi. Welcome, bubbeleh.
- Thank you. Mwa. Mwa.
I'm always thrilled to meet my newest muse.
I'm gonna need you to clear your afternoon.
- Have you seen my head? Ugh!
- Oh, honey, a thousand apologies, but my afternoon is spoken for, and I never cancel on long-time clients.
Okay, well... charge me double, and consider yourself on retainer.
So, who do we have to blame for this?
My crosshairs are on the literal worst Uber driver in SoCal.
- [SIGHS HEAVILY]
I'm not gonna lie, she did a number on you, but... it's nothing my avocado-based moisturizing milk can't fix.
But I'm sorry, Coco, I'm just not gonna be able to work my magic with this little church mouse
- hovering over your shoulder.
- [COCO SIGHS]
That's my assistant, Mallory.
[LOUDLY]: Who should be out getting me my hazelnut macchiato at exactly degrees.
Sorry, Coco. My bad. Ten minutes, ten minutes.
- [MOUTHS "MY GOD"]
So, what are we thinking...
Are we thinking bangs,
- maybe something asymmetrical?
- I don't even care,
as long as I don't look like a tornado survivor.
- [MR. GALLANT LAUGHS]
- You shouldn't even be here.
It's a complete waste of time.
No offense to your stylist, but... you can't improve on perfection.
A bowl of Moroccan Harira is the perfect thing to fortify the soul.
No, thank you, Myrtle. I'm not hungry.
I want permission to burn a witch.
The only reason to burn a witch is if said witch causes grievous harm to another.
What if she helped to destroy the entire coven?
She has a new talk show on TV.
I saw the ad on the side of a bus.
There is no way that bitch could get a show on television without selling her soul to the devil.
Double-crossing us was her way to get a ticket to the Outpost.
- It doesn't matter.
- Of course it matters.
We have to clear the rot.
Madison, you get the gasoline, I'll get the wood.
No. We cannot afford to do anything that might alert Michael to our plan.
Delia, she will be a danger to our girls!
Dinah has never seen them.
Our identity spell is more powerful than anything that voodoo queen could penetrate.
I want her safe and sound until we are ready to make her pay.
MALLORY: Sometimes I feel like there's someone buried inside me,
someone trying to claw their way out.
I don't know. I just want to go.
- Let me go.
- Don't be afraid, Mallory.
I'm offering you a chance to live.
[BOOMING]: I said let me go!
Who are you?
Well, that sucked ass.
I had worms crawling up my nose and God knows where else.
How long have we been buried down there?
MYRTLE: Oh, I don't know.
A year, maybe two.
The healing properties of Louisiana swamp mud, dear.
you felt it, too.
Find our sisters.
- I don't know what's going on.
- MYRTLE: Poor dear.
To be raised up and released from an identity spell at the same moment.
Can someone please tell me what's going on?
What do you mean, identity spell?
We placed it on you for your protection.
It kept you from knowing your true self.
Because you're special, Mallory.
And we need you. We need all of you.
You're on your own with that sh1t.
I'm not here to defeat anyone.
LANGDON: How can any of you defeat me... when I've already won?
You haven't won.
Perhaps you haven't noticed the state of the world.
It's almost as bad as your dinner jacket.
But at least the world can be saved.
- By all of us.
Get the wax out of your ears. I'm here to watch.
But I'm not.
Just don't let me die again, okay?
It really sucked the first time.
When I'm done, you'll all wish you were still dead.
I always thought the world would end with fire and ice, not witches and warlocks.
The seventh seal has been broken.
Wormwood has fallen from the sky and turned the rivers to blood and fire.
The bottomless pit has been opened and my swarms of locusts and scorpions have ravaged humanity.
The world has been remade in my father's image.
it seems Daddy didn't tell you the most important rule of bringing on the Apocalypse.
If you want to finish the job, the thing you have to do first is get rid of all the witches.
I could annihilate all of you in a second and the world would go on without missing a beat.
You and all of your work will be forgotten in the rubble of the past.
But I want to give you a future.
Fall to your knees and accept me as your lord and savior, and I will bring you to the table as my obedient subjects.
Fall to your knees before the king!
- Hail Satan!
- CORDELIA: The only way we would sit at your table is if your decapitated head were the centerpiece.
DINAH: Cordelia, you raised me from the dead so that you would have the power of voodoo on your side.
But if you know anything about who I am, you know that the only choice I'd pick would be the winner.
You're half right, Dinah.
LAVEAU: She needed the help of a powerful voodoo queen. [CHUCKLES]
But that ain't you, sis.
- [ECHOING CRIES]
- LaLAURIE: Oh, God, no more. Have mercy!
No more cruelty for my babies.
You're a monster!
Yes, I sinned. I gave no quarter.
But even when I was killing that b*st*rd,
- I kept his mammy...
What do you want?
Papa Legba told me to tell you you are a pain in his ass.
Apparently your work has been subpar.
You have no heart for torture, Marie Laveau.
So I made him an offer I knew he couldn't refuse.
LAVEAU: To release me from hell,
Cordelia promised Papa Legba... [CHUCKLES] the darkest and most corrupt voodoo queen's soul for mine.
You'll serve him well in my place.
You're a fool, Marie Laveau.
You would have done no different if you were queen.
Out with the trash.
Give Papa my regards.
[MEAD GRUNTING CONVULSIVELY]
♪ Daisy, Daisy ♪
♪ Give me your answer do ♪
♪ I'm half ♪
♪ Crazy ♪
♪ All for the love of ♪
[PITCH WAVERING]: ♪ You... ♪
Sorry about your little toy...bitch.
[WHISPERS]: My goodness.
Smooth as silk.
A personal item.
Focus on it.
Use it to locate a time and place early in Michael's life.
- Shed the ego.
- MYRTLE: Shed the ego.
Disengage from this realm.
Place myself there and say the words.
That's our girl.
Bullets alone won't kill him.
He's become too powerful.
We have to find a place to cast the spell before he wakes up.
I'll hold him off as long as I can.
You've got this.
- I should have been on that plane!
What have you done, you cretin?!
It's payback, bitch. I serve it cold.
I like it hot! Ignis.
I guess it's back to retail.
[DISTORTED]: Balneum infinitum.
Get her out of here!
No matter what happens, it's better than where I was.
You will not pass.
You're dealing with the HBIC now.
You really think your stupid voodoo spells can stop me?
- Is that all you've got?
Die again, f*ck face!
Normally, that'd work.
But I'm nothing like normal.
MYRTLE and CORDELIA: Balneum infinitum.
Dona salui conductus.
Dona salui conductus.
Dona salui conductus.
Come on, Mallory, please.
Please. Mallory, come on, come on.
Look at me, look at me. You can do this.
You can do this.
You can do this.
It's not working. It... it's not working.
She's not strong enough.
I'm sorry, Cordelia.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
Look at me. No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no. Come on, come on.
Come on. Come on.
- It appears as though we're f*cked, my dear.
I love you.
How did you think this would end?
Prophecy is inevitable.
I was always going to win...
Not on your own.
You've been led by the hand,
coddled, the entire way.
By your father, the warlocks.
I look at you and I don't see a man.
I see a sad, scared little boy so pathetic he couldn't even kill me with a thousand nuclear bombs.
But I never expected to.
Like a cockroach, I knew you'd survive the nuclear fallout.
I wanted you to.
And now I'm gonna have the satisfaction of watching you die, knowing you failed.
You still don't get it, do you?
You think there's only winning and losing, success and failure.
But failure is when you've lost any semblance of hope.
You will get to watch me die, but you won't find it satisfying.
Satan has one son, but my sisters are legion, m*therf*cker.
- CONSTANCE [WHISPERS]: Michael.
[VIDEO GAME SOUNDS]
Tell me something, Michael.
Do you have to kill every single living creature that crosses your path?
Could you maybe just maim one?
Or how about this for a novel idea: if they are causing you distress, why don't you just politely ask them to leave?
He kept shoving his cross in my face and speaking Latin.
The words were burning my ears.
Now, I know that I am far from perfect.
And I know that I have had my fair share of failures, raising children.
But I am done taking the blame for the horror and misery that you keep bringing in this house.
I-I won't do it again. I'm...
I don't know why I keep doing what I'm doing.
I-I need help.
I'm just a child.
No, you are not a child.
My grandson is a child.
And I see his eyes in your eyes, and I hear the remnant of his sweet voice
- in your throat.
But you are not him.
Now, you may have somehow claimed his bed, but you are not... him!
Please don't be mad.
You have made a fool of me this entire time, treating me like the help.
All the buried rodents and the murdered nannies.
And I went along with it, thinking it was just a phase that you were going through.
But this is not a phase.
This is who you are!
And it's only gonna get worse.
But I swear to God,
it is not going to happen in my house.
What do you mean?
Get out. I don't care where you go.
You can sleep on a park bench or under an overpass.
I don't care!
Please don't be mad.
Please. I'll change. I promise.
I don't want you! [CRYING]
Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out!
Don't you ever come back.
[STRAINED]: Go ahead, do it.
Put me out of my misery.
But... but you won't, will you?
Because you're a coward.
And deep down inside, you know it.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES IN DISTANCE]
I... I'm scared.
to the hou-house.
I can be with you.
Go to hell.
MALLORY: Nothing ever truly dies.
We are all made of energy,
and energy can neither be created nor destroyed.
It can only be transferred from one form to another.
The trick is to be able to go back
and pick the right moment in time
and let it play out from there.
I see you know some magic.
Not the way you do.
Welcome to Robichaux Academy.
You're a hugger.
- No, that's all right.
It's nice to meet you, Mallory.
Have we met?
I guess I just have one of those faces.
So... how did you find your way to us?
I saw you on TV and somehow knew this was where I needed to be.
My parents caught me floating in my sleep, and now they think I'm some type of devil worshipper.
Maybe we can be your new home.
- Would you like that?
- Very much.
No one knows who I am at Robichaux,
but I remember all my sisters.
They never knew what happened...
That the world had been destroyed
and their lives had all ended.
Everything is as it should be.
Zoe is alive and well, teaching the next generation of witches.
But there were others who would be missed.
CORDELIA: This is Myrtle Snow.
MALLORY: Without the threat of Armageddon,
Cordelia had no reason
to bring back her beloved advisor.
CORDELIA: And she's the greatest witch I've ever known.
Our coven wouldn't have flourished if it weren't for her wisdom.
She made me who I am.
I think you would have liked her.
I know I would.
- Guess who's going to Hollywood.
- CORDELIA: You are.
- [CORDELIA CHUCKLES]
- Yes. I just got my tickets for The Price is Right 'cause it's Plinko all day, ho.
And I found a really cute hotel.
It's, like, old, but it's just been renovated,
- and it's downtown. It's kind of...
I know I don't know you well, but... you don't want to stay downtown.
Hi. I'm Mallory.
This is Mallory, and it's her first day.
- Ah. Welcome.
- MALLORY: I've just heard the traffic in L.A. is brutal, and it would take you over an hour to get to the beach.
QUEENIE: Right, yeah. Uh...
I'm not gonna fly , miles just to see highway.
I guess I'll stay in Venice. Be better.
MALLORY: It's strange, knowing you have the power
to alter someone else's fate.
I know where Madison is.
We'll have to go to Hell and bring her back.
But she can sweat it out a little longer.
MALLORY: Because I killed the spawn of Satan,
I got blazing street cred
with the demons of the underworld.
Oh, my... Oh, my...
How can this be?
MALLORY: Guess everyone hates their boss, even in Hell.
Everybody wanted to do me a favor.
- You're back.
- [CORDELIA AND MISTY CHUCKLE]
How can this be possible?
How is it possible?
Oh, Ms. Cordelia. [SIGHS]
I never thought I'd escape my personal hell.
And then this one, she showed up
- with the voodoo demon.
Took my hand and guided me home.
I'm Papa's favorite. He's my boo.
He sends me on errands.
- I have to go now.
- Wait, wait, Nan.
- Where are you going?
- Back to Papa.
I like it down there. Papa lets me play.
I-I don't understand.
You're not supposed to.
Just say thank you.
I would like you to meet an exceptional young witch.
This is Mallory.
I'm pleased to make your acquaintance.
It's great to meet you, Misty.
I'm sure you two have a lot to catch up on.
- [CORDELIA CHUCKLES]
MALLORY: The battle between good and evil never ends.
How I've missed you.
MALLORY: The Devil isn't just going to give up.
I was ever so lost.
MALLORY: And in changing the past,
a part of me will always wonder
what it truly means for the future.
[CHANTING]: Know who's forced to pick those beans!
Unpaid little kids and teens!
Hi, um, would you be willing to sign our petition for child labor?
- Oh, sh1t.
- Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry. I didn't see you.
Is it bad?
I'd be happy to buy you another coffee.
Just... just not from here.
What's wrong with the coffee here?
Child labor. Habitat destruction. GMO beans.
Look, I know a great place across campus by my dorm,
so, for the sake of the Brazilian children,
I'd be happy to get you a coffee from there.
You know, I'm actually part Brazilian.
Yeah. According to my andMe, like, . %.
PROTESTORS: Know who's forced to pick those beans!
Unpaid little kids and teens!
So, for the sake of your people, sign our petition?
I will gladly sign your petition...
Know who's forced to pick those beans!
...for my replacement cup of coffee.
It's a date.
I'm Emily, by the way.
Timothy. It's nice to meet someone who's clearly going to change the world.
You're doing great.
You're doing great, okay?
- I can't do this.
- Just breathe.
It hurts so bad.
I'm not ready.
- We're not ready. [PANTING]
- No, no, no, no, no, no. Look at me.
Look at me. Hey. Yes.
Yes, we are. Breathe.
[BOTH BREATHING DEEPLY]
We actually had an adult conversation.
I know. We needed it.
I mean, who would've thought that watching a three-year-old would be more exhausting than ten hours at work?
He never stops.
He seems so angry.
Last year we thought it was just the terrible twos.
That's our fault.
We should've taught him how to count.
Oh, the AC went out again.
It's so hot in here, I honestly dread going to bed.
I will call the repairman.
EMILY: Do you have money for the sitter?
Is a, uh, ten dollar tip enough?
Oh, my God, Devan.
What did you do?
Oh, my God.
Hello. I am Anton LaVey.
You may know me as the Black Pope.
Oh, it's nice and hot inside.
We've been waiting our whole lives for this.
We're here to help.