01x04 - Halloween

[bunniefuu]

I'll be home around 4:00.

I need help carving these pumpkins.

Who is that?

It's Marie Antoinette.

I'm doing a famous French figures theme this year.

I'm hitting the gym.

Well, make sure you wear a condom.

And pick me up some Gala apples.

I thought these Golden Delicious would look dramatic in the bobbing bucket; they just look dull and depressing.

There's no contrast.

Why would I wear a condom at the gym?

Maybe because you're screwing that twink trainer of yours.

And I need gourds.

I'm going to hang them on the tree out front, spray-paint them, and they're going to be these clever little organic ghosts.

You know what? I am.

You are what?

Screwing my trainer.

You know what else?

He's a power bottom.

He loves it.

First of all, please remember our agreement:

don't ask, don't tell.

Secondly, is this crass admission supposed to...

hurt me?

At this point with you, I'm bulletproof.

And I need some dry ice.

Have you picked out a costume yet?

Why are you doing this?

Because there's gonna be a party here in three days.

This is all bullshit, this is all bullshit!

Everything we've become is bullshit!

I don't give a sh*t about carving pumpkins.

I want love, I want passion, I want a relationship with a man, not Martha Stewart!

Then leave!

Oh, I forgot, you can't.

Because all of your money and mine is in this house that we agreed to flip and make a mint on, and now we can't because the economy is in the shitter.

Do you think I like carving 20 pumpkins and getting squash guts under my nails?

I am trying here!

I'm trying to make this place warm and inviting and spectacular and have this Halloween party sh*t by Elle friggin' Decor

so someone will see it and swoop in and take this place off our hands, and then I can feel free to fall in love with a 25-year old who has great biceps.

So get off my back, carve a g*dd*mn pumpkin, go get a g*dd*mn outfit and man up.

I can't believe this is who we've become.

Halloqueens arguing over pumpkins.

We wanted to have a baby.

We were going to have this...

great life.

Red is wrong.

It has to be green.

Funny.

It's good, actually.

It's very... scary, sexy.

Come help me with these bats.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for everything - my attitude, my low sex drive.

It's probably low testosterone from stress.

I'm seeing a doctor next week.

Did you get the apples?

This is unacceptable, Marcy.

One person has seen the house in two weeks.

And she didn't even stay for the whole tour because she was so spooked out by it.

You need to do something.

Don't put the blame on Mame here, Mr. Harmon.

This house has an image problem, it's as simple as that.

Fix that problem and this property will sell real fast.

What are we supposed to do?

I think we need a fluffer here.

A what?

Fluffers.

People we can hire to come in at a nominal fee and give a dash of style and élan to this place.

We have style.

Everybody thinks they have style, and everybody thinks they're funny.

Most people aren't.

That's why in my business we have fluffers.

They come in, they rent some accessories, karate chop a few throw pillows, make this home look like a magazine spread.

It's Halloween.

Imagine the mileage you would get if you could decorate your front porch with divine cheery pumpkins.

Lots of happy trick-or-treaters means parents who talk to their friends, means more looky-loos, means better PR.

I heard you were egged last night, Mr. Harmon.

Hey!

Happy Halloween, assh*le!

Get out of here! Huh?

Little sh*t!

Why did you tell her that?

You know, on this one topic, I agree with her.

We have an image problem.

We are on the m*rder house tour, for God's sakes.

Marcy, do you know any of these fluffers?

Can you get one for us immediately?

Yes, a wonderful English lady, a real pro, but she's more expensive than the young gay fellow I know.

Let's go with the gay fellow.

Gay fellow.

I'll call the fluffer.

Halloween comes from the Celtic holiday of Samhain.

It commemorated the end of the harvest festival.

They celebrated it to ward off their fears.

The Celtic dudes believed that on October 31, the boundary separating the realms of the living and dead disappeared and the dead could walk amongst the living.

That's why people dress up, to scare away the ghosts.

No way I ever want to be a ghost.

It's so sad.

What are you going to dress up as this year, Addy?

Are you blushing?

Look at you.

You know what?

I think that's a hell of a costume.

I tell you you could eat all my chocolate chips?

I was gonna make cookies out of those later, but now someone's gonna have to run down to the Korean to get some more.

I'll go.

Get me a carton of Pall Malls.

I'll use the change to fill up my bike, cool?

Hmm?

Bye.

What do you think you're doing?

You know how to read.

You just like mooning over him.

You remember what happened to the last one?

It wasn't like that.

He was just reading.

Oh, one minute he's reading, the next minute his hand is down your pants.

He smells better than the last one.

What did you say?

Now, you listen to me good, little girl.

I have given every inch of my life to you for the last 30 some years.

I would k*ll or die for you.

But I will not share the affections of the men

I bring into this house with any woman.

You understand?

Hmm?

What's this?

Halloween.

What did you tell him you wanted to go dressed up as?

Hmm?

You and your boyfriend keeping secrets now?

I want to go as her.

As a pretty girl.

You can go as Snoopy again.

The costume will still fit if you lay off those chocolate chips.

Not Snoopy again.

You'll go as Snoopy or not at all.

And when Travis comes back, send him upstairs.

And no more of this.

The dead can walk freely on Halloween.

We've always known that.

Trick or treat!

What are you doing here?

Um, trick or treat?

It's Halloweek.

I do the full seven days.

It's the only time I can really be myself.

So, uh, just pop the thousand dollars in the pumpkin here and nobody will be the wiser.

Get off my property now.

Or what?

You'll call the cops?

You know what?

I just might.

I didn't do anything.

No? Well, that gazebo in the backyard sure went up pretty darn quick.

I have to wonder if you got all the proper permits.

Maybe somebody should place a call to the city's inspector and have him come down here and check it out.

What's under that gazebo is what you did.

But what's inside what's under that gazebo is what you did.

That is not my baby in there.

Vivien finds that out, your family is over.

Now... give me my treat.

You don't want the trick.

I'm done talking.

I have a patient.

And I have patience.

But there is a limit.

I've agreed to this meeting because we need to clarify a few things.

Firstly, the psychiatrist that I recommended to you, Dr. Goldman, said you never showed up for the first appointment and you never called to cancel.

I don't want to see anyone but you.

We've discussed why that won't work.

Which brings me to my next question.

We're very grateful to you, Tate, for how you helped my family.

But you need to explain here and now what you were doing in this house at the time of the break-in.

The truth is

I was just, like, hanging around outside, and I was, I was throwing pebbles at her window.

But she blew me off.

And then I noticed that the door was unlocked, so I... went inside.

It's not cool, I know.

I understand.

But this is why I can't treat you.

It's inappropriate for everyone concerned.

I really need your help.

I don't want to be like this.

I want to be a good person.

And I know that you can help me.

You're the one, okay?

You're the only one that I can trust.

I cannot see you in this house.

Look, I have an opening.

I'll meet you someplace for coffee, but you have to promise me...

I promise you. Promise.

No more weird sh*t, okay?

This is your control panel.

It operates one of the 15 window and door sensors.

You're also gonna get this infrared motion detector.

It goes in your foyer.

This is your panic button.

Okay, I'm gonna hide one of these in your nightstand, probably put one in the kitchen somewhere.

Now, if something goes bump in the night, you hit this button, and I'm on my way, all right?

Now given what you've gone through lately, I'm expecting some false alarms, so don't be shy.

All right, if you say so.

Oh, I do.

Questions?

I'm sure I have a hundred questions, but

I can't think of anything right now.

I mean, the system in this house is so...

Ah, yeah, it's from the Reagan era.

Yeah.

You know if your power goes out or someone cuts your phone line, something like that...

Yeah, we would be in so much trouble.

Yeah, exactly. Right.

Did Marcy bring these pumpkins?

Yes.

Oh, that's nice.

Thank you. I enjoy crafts.

Mrs. Harmon, a question.

Hmm?

May I have Halloween off?

I'd like to visit with my mother.

Of course.

Done.

I'll put that one outside.

Ugh!

The roses have whitefly.

Jesus, what an eyesore.

Hi.

Hi.

Love the house, so much potential.

Thank you.

Are you Marcy's fluffers?

I'm Chad Warwick.

This is my ball and chain, Patrick.

Welcome.

This is actually kind of fun.

I never got to do this when I was a kid.

Why not?

So this is what you guys do for a living.

That is amazing to me.

And wonderful, you know.

I think style is so important.

It's everything.

It's so great that I get to help you guys have the best Halloween ever.

I love Halloween.

So does Patrick because the bars are just awash in twinks with six packs in revealing outfits.

Isn't that right, Pat?

The Abby, The O Bar, Rage.

That's where he was last year instead of helping me with the trick-or-treaters.

Have another drink, dear.

Crafting brings out his inner George and Martha.

So, in addition to Halloween night and making everything look inviting, which I get, do you guys have any other suggestions for what we might do to the house to make it sell faster?

Actually, yes.

That gazebo's got to go.

The lattice is wrong.

I agree.

Oh, no, we just put it in.

Did you put that gazebo in yourself, Ben?

Yes.

Well, let's get through tomorrow night, and then we can tear it down, and put in an organic cutting garden.

Ow! sh*t!

Oh, my God!

Let me see.

I think I'm gonna need stitches.

No. No, it's okay.

I can fix this up.

Pat's an EMT.

Oh, I thought you were a fluffer.

You're hilarious, Vivien.

And I love the hair color.

I can barely see any root.

It's my natural color.

Where's your first-aid kit?

Upstairs.

Look at that.

It's a work of art.

Thanks.

What are you doing?!

Come on, Ben, we're the same.

I can tell.

You play the role of the dutiful househusband, but you like having that cock sucked often and well.

I can do that.

Four minutes. No one will know.

I'm not gay.

Neither was I until I got head from a guy.

No.

No.

Sorry. It's just...

been a long time for me.

Don't tell Chad, okay?

We're not doing well.

Your husband seems very...

Handsome?

Nervous.

I don't know.

It's just a feeling I get.

Um... darkness.

Seems like you and Pat are having problems.

Yeah. He can't keep his d*ck in his pants.

You caught him cheating?

Yes. I'm a sneak and a snoop.

How?

It's easy.

Cell phone records.

You can delete a text, but you can't erase the bill.

Vivien, that bat is terrible.

Let me finish it.

Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat.

Addy!

I want to be a pretty girl for Halloween.

You want what?

Make me a pretty girl like you, Violet.

I'm actually not very good at this.

I don't care.

I'll like it.

Close your eyes.

How old are you, Addy?

A lady never reveals her age.

Is Tate your boyfriend?

Wait. You know Tate?

I talk to him when he comes here for his head shrinking.

He likes you, I can tell.

He thinks you're a pretty girl.

Are you a virgin?

Yes.

Aren't you?

Hell no.

You can't keep breaking into our house, Addy.

But I like it here.

My friends are here.

Wow! Violet, I'm beautiful!

g*dd*mn it, come here!

Now, who did that to your face?!

Violet!

Violet, that girl's got another cupcake coming.

Now wash that smut off your face!

No! I wanna be a pretty girl!

Well, you're not a pretty girl and you know it!

But I wanna be!

"Oh, put her in a home,"

they said. Even Daddy.

But no, I couldn't do that.

I don't want to be Snoopy!

I want to be a pretty girl!

Do you know what they think when we walk down the street?!

"There but for the grace of God go I."

You make them feel lucky.

And they think I'm a hero.

As though I've had some choice!

No, wait!

Tate?

Tate?

You said she wanted to meet at midnight.

Come out, come out wherever you are.

You assh*le!

I scared you.

No, you didn't.

Where'd you get this thing?

My dad threw it out.

Finders keepers.

Really?

I didn't scare you?

I said no.

I bet I can.

You have to put your fingers on the other side.

I don't believe in that sh*t.

Charles is gonna answer all your questions.

He used to live here.

Is Charles going to tell me what happened to those assholes that tried to k*ll us?

What'd you do to them?

I told you I didn't do anything.

I had some help.

What's in this basement?

I want the truth.

What I'm about to tell you might scare you...

to death.

I can take it.

Dr. Charles Montgomery built this house.

And here in this basement is where he worked.

Charles was a doctor to the stars,

but he was also drug addict, and his wife Nora wasn't gonna let that get in the way of her lifestyle.

So she set up a little secret side business; he would take care of girls who didn't want to be in trouble anymore.

This went on and on until one day, one girl couldn't keep the secret to herself, and she told her boyfriend what happened.

Montgomery residence.

Whoever this is it's past 10:00.

You shouldn't be calling at this hour.

An eye for an eye.

Who is this?

A tooth for a tooth.

I won't tolerate this nonsense any longer unless...

Charles, I've just had the most peculiar conversation.

Charles...?

Oh, my God...

Charles!

Charles!

The boyfriend wanted revenge, so he kidnapped Charles'

and Nora's baby.

Terrified, the Doctor and his wife waited for the ransom demands.

This is your fault, Charles.

What is the meaning of this?

Charles? What is it, Charles?

Madame, there's no need for you to see this.

Driven insane by grief, the doctor used all his experience and surgical skills to try and cheat death.

I want to bury our son in this.

Charles?

What are you doing?

What have you done to our baby?!

But what he created was ungodly, and monstrous.

And even after their tragic end, that "thing" remained, down here, to this day.

Oh my God...

You are so full of sh*t.

I don't believe a word that has come out of your mouth.

Forget it.

Forget I ever asked.

And I'm tired that we keep hanging out in this dark, dank place.

Why can't we go somewhere, like on a real date?

All right.

Tomorrow night.

We'll go out.

Your father agreed to see me again, but I'm not supposed to be here.

Come on, I'll be your lookout.

Wow.

There's so many different flavors, it's freaky.

I don't know half of them.

What did we say?

No eating until we inspect 'em at home!

She reminds you of Violet, doesn't she?

Violet?

Wow...

Oh, I'm so scared!

You look amazing.

She had to be scary.

My fierce little girl.

Just like her mom.

Smart and beautiful...

no need to be like anyone else.

The thing is, I was a...

I was a troubled kid, too.

I was kinda like you, Tate.

I didn't hold out too much hope for myself.

Not many other people did, either.

It was a total shock to everyone, including myself, when I became a doctor.

But somehow I was given this...

amazing gift of family.

Hey, it's gonna be okay, Dr. Harmon...

I'm sorry. Oh, God.

I'm sorry, Tate.

Addy? Addy?

Well, where's your costume?

I'm not trick-or-treating this year. I'm too old.

It's Halloween! Everyone gets a chance to be someone else, let their hair down for awhile.

I thought you wanted to be a pretty girl.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Ta-dah!

And now you don't have to worry about makeup or anything like that.

Come on, let me see you smile.

Come on, little honeybear.

Let me see you smile.

Okay? Let's go see if Mama's got any clothes that'll fit you.

Come on.

Maybe one of my old maternity dresses.

Have you seen my... my fangs?

Ah...

Fangs a lot!

Oh, come on, Viv, you're the one who wanted to do this.

Can you at least try to enjoy it?

How's Hayden?

What?

I swear to Christ, Ben.

I told you if you lied to me one more time...

that we're done.

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

Vivien...

Viv?

I read through the phone bills.

Her number is on there

20 times-- more.

Yeah. Because I don't answer.

And when she does get me, I tell her not to call back.

Did you see her in Boston?

Vivien, no.

She keeps calling, harassing me.

I told her I'd call the police if she doesn't stop.

And did she?

Yeah.

She won't be calling back.

Well, she might, 'cause I left her a message.

Well, I wouldn't expect a call back.

I was pretty forceful.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but...

after everything that happened, after the-the break-in, I-I...

I didn't want to add more stress.

Hey, you had every right to react exactly the way you did.

But believe me--

Hayden is over.

It's Hayden.

I'll call her back.

What is that racket?

The spooky sounds of Hallow...

Really?

What?

Let's see. The first impression that anyone is going to have, before they ever experience my meticulously-appointed candy/scare station is of you going to the front door in that Rite Aid witch outfit.

Ugh!

But never fear, Count Chocula's here to really add some class.

What's the matter?

He doesn't like our costumes.

Well, there's nothing that can be done about it now.

The doorbell's gonna be ringing, and we still have to decorate the bobbing station.

What the hell is this?

What?

Chad?

Gala apples.

We specifically talked about Granny Smiths.

They didn't have any Granny Smiths at Gelson's.

Then you go to the farmer's market or an off ramp in Valencia and you buy a bag from Pedro.

Where's the effort?

I think you're overreacting.

Because I'm the only one who actually gives a sh*t?

I think you should just leave.

You think we should just leave our house?

It's not your house.

We know it, you know it and the house knows it.

Frankly, you don't deserve it.

Get out!

Yeah, leave.

We are not leaving this house.

Get out!

Get out! Get out!

I don't care about any of this.

Just go!

You shouldn't have to watch this.

Get out of here!

Are you okay?

I don't believe you, Ben.

You tell me your story, but there's a little glimmer in your eye, a little...

lie, a little darkness.

And I don't want to live with suspicion anymore, so I want you to go.

I want you to go.

Oh, God.

Aah!

What's wrong?

Aah!

What is it?

It feels like the baby's kicking.

That's impossible. It's only eight weeks old.

Okay.

I got to go to the hospital.

What's going on?

Stay here, and don't answer the door.

Don't answer the door?

It's Halloween.

Trick or treat.

It says "Take One."

Can't you read?

I'm a pretty girl.

I want Violet to see.

Shortbus!

Hey!

Wait for me!

No, no, no, not his face, that's fake.

He broke his leg.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Are you presently feeling any pain in the abdominal area?

I just feel really sick.

I haven't been feeling any of the... the kicking since we left home about a half hour ago.

Well, I'm sure it's not kicks that you're feeling.

The baby's only the size of a kidney bean at eight weeks.

I know. That's-that's why I'm concerned.

I think... I feel like there's something wrong.

Well, I'm sure it's just gas.

So let's just take a look, and make sure that everything is perfect.

Okay...

And you're sure about the time line?

Yeah, eight weeks. Positive.

The baby seems to be a lot bigger.

Okay, here we go...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna get some help.

What's going on?

What's going on?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Oh, my baby.

Oh, my...

Oh! What happened?

What happened? What happened?!

She just walked into the street.

It was a hit-and-run, ma'am.

Oh, no! Oh...

Is she dying?

We're doing everything we can.

Okay. You gotta...

We gotta get her to the lawn over there while she's still with us.

Yeah. We need to take her in, stabilize her...

No! If you can't help me, then get out of the goddamned way!

Ma'am, just... just let us...

No!

Addy, come on.

We're gonna get you home with all your friends.

Come on, honey.

We're almost there.

Stay with me, Addy.

It's just a few more feet.

Aw, geez.

Oh, my God. Addy?

Oh, no!

Oh... no.

Oh...

Oh, Mother, you always had the most beautiful hands.

What have they done to you?

This is my fault.

I wasn't there for you.

I'm so sorry.

Come with me, baby.

I want to, but I can't, Mother.

I can't.

My tenant Ben, I want my money!

I'm not leaving here till I have my thousand dollars!

Hello!

Ben Harmon!

Ben Harmon!

I am not leaving here till I have thousand dollars.

Screw you!

You owe me!

Oh, here, here.

Take one and go!

Come on, come on!

Hey, honey.

Dad, there's some freaky dude at the door screaming about money.

I think he might be one of your patients. I don't know, should I call the cops?

No! No. Just...

just keep the door closed.

Is it locked?

Yeah.

We're on way home right now.

Violet? Just...

just keep the door locked.

Oh, aha, oh.

I know you're in there.

Is that your daughter?

Violet!

Violet!

Violet!

Violet!

Violet!

Violet?

Violet!

Violet?

Ben!

She's not here!

Call her cell phone!