The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984)
Together again Gee, it's good to be together again I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone It's not starting over It's just going on Together again Now we're here and there's no need remembering when 'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling Together again Together again Gee, it's good to be together again I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone It's not starting over It's just going on - Together again - Again Now we're here and there's no need remembering when 'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling Together a...
Together a...
Together a...
Together again Together again - Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- They like it!
- They love it!
They're still applauding.
Kermy, you have to go out and take a bow.
- Yeah.
- Take a bow.
Go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, uh...
I really don't know what to say except, uh...
Well, we're really glad you liked Manhattan Melodies... because we all worked so hard to make it the best Senior Variety Show ever.
Hey, Kermit, next time we'll see you on Broadway!
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
That's a great idea.
Why don't we take Manhattan Melodies to New York?
What?
Broadway'd be dying to get a great musical like this.
Broadway?
We'd just like to thank everybody for having so much faith in us.
It's not often that a frog and a bear and a pig... and a chicken and a whatever even get accepted into college.
We're all so proud to be graduating now, some with honors...
Woman!
Woman!
Some with the help of daily psychological counseling.
Anyway, anyway, thank you again.
Thank you for everything, guys.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
- Broadway?
- Yeah!
But this show's not good enough for Broadway.
The script needs work.
I think there's something missing.
Remember you said we could not get married until we had enough money?
Yeah.
Well, we'd have enough if we had a hit on Broadway.
- That's right.
- Yes, yes.
Broadway of what city?
Aw, come on.
Come on.
Even if the show was good enough, we're just graduating.
What about our future plans?
- Well, this could be our future.
- Yeah!
Yeah!
If we don't do it, we just say good-bye to each other.
- Oh.
- Broadway!
Broadway, Broadway!
What are we waiting for?
Let's go to Broadway!
- Yeah!
Yeah!
- Broadway!
- New York!
- Look at everything there!
- We made it, guys.
- We're really here.
What a great-looking place.
It's filled with New Yorkers.
Look at 'em all.
Look how gorgeous everything is.
We'd better dump our stuff and find a place to stay.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Scooter, break out the quarters.
- Yes, sir.
You all right down there?
How about up there?
- What do you think, guys?
- What?
- I say, how do you like it?
- Oh, it's great.
Much better than that cement mixer I used to live in.
I'll trade with anyone that has a Jacuzzi.
Come on.
It's just for one day.
- We'll all be on Broadway tomorrow.
- Yeah.
- We'd like to see Mr.
Price.
- Do you have an appointment?
No, but we saw his name in the paper.
We've got this show... called Manhattan Melodies he's gonna want to produce on Broadway.
It's about a couple of kids that come to New York City to get married.
It has a wonderful opening number.
It goes like this.
Hold it.
Hold it.
What's going on out there?
Just a frog with a musical, Mr. Price.
Musical?
Send him in.
Net.
I'm talking net.
You've gotta be kidding with gross.
- Nice upholstery.
- Hold it a minute.
I'll get back to you.
Mr. Price, I'm Kermit, and these are my friends.
We've got a show called Manhattan Melodies... we think you're gonna want to produce on Broadway.
It's about a couple of kids that come to New York City to get married.
It opens with a great number that goes like this.
Look at me Here I am...
Frog.
Frog.
No singing, okay?
- Give me the general idea.
- It's all about life in the big city.
Big city, huh?
Cops?
sh**t?
Car chases?
That kind of thing?
No sh**ting stuff.
It's more like songs and dances.
- Songs and dances?
- Mm-hmm.
That might be interesting.
Nobody cares about sh**t anyway.
What are you thinking about?
Big-name stars?
We're gonna be the stars.
That's what I was about to say.
You be the stars.
Unknowns... songs, dances, sh**t.
- No.
No sh**t.
- Uh-uh.
You know what?
I smell something.
Why does everyone always blame dogs?
- What I smell is a hit.
- A what?
- A hit.
- You mean...
Absolutely.
I'd be proud to produce your show.
Fellas, you're gonna be on Broadway.
- Oh, oh, oh.
- Kermit, we did it!
We did it!
Thanks a lot, Mr. Price.
I really would like you to read the script.
- There's still something missing.
- No, Frog, Frog.
We fix all those things in the previews.
I've got a million things to do.
Call the papers, rent a theater, and all I need from you is $300.
- Three hundred dollars?
- Yeah.
Apiece.
- Apiece?
- Today.
Yeah.
What?
Look, fellas, that's standard Broadway procedure.
You give me the money, and we start the rehearsals tomorrow.
- But we don't have...
- I don't think that's right.
Yeah, now I smell something.
- Fellas...
- Mr. Price.
There are two police officers outside.
They'd like to speak to you.
That's him.
That's Murray Plotsky.
I gave him my life savings.
Murray?
I thought his name was Martin.
Let's go, Murray.
You've pulled your last con job.
I don't want any trouble.
Get back or the chicken gets it.
- That's a thr*at?
- Please don't hurt her!
Take me!
Whatever you say, pal!
Get away from that door.
Move!
Let go!
Let go of my nose!
Watch it!
You too!
Bad man!
Easy!
Bad man!
Back!
Get this chicken off my ear!
Take it off my ear!
Take it off!
Oh!
Get it off!
Get it off my ear!
Bad man!
Bad man!
- Way to go, everybody.
- Where were you when I needed you?
- Murray?
- Animals!
You're crazy... all of you!
I want my money back!
Gonzo, are you okay?
I just saw my whole life flash before my nose.
Camilla!
She's hyperventilating!
She needs mouth-to-beak resuscitation!
Kermit, he never wanted our show.
He just wanted our money.
- Yeah.
- Gonzo, is Camilla all right?
Yeah, but I think we're engaged.
Come on, everybody.
We're gonna get this show on Broadway!
- Right!
- Yeah, let's go, guys!
You can't take no for an answer You can't take no for an answer You can't take no for an answer No, no, no Whenever there's a dream worth a-dreamin' And you wanna see that dream come true There'll be plenty of people talkin' Say forget all about it Sayin'it isn't worth the trouble All the trouble that you're goin'through - It ain't worth it, no - What can you do - You can't take no for an answer - You can't take no - You can't take no for an answer - No, no, no, no You can't take no for an answer No, no, no What ya gonna do when the times get tough And the world's treatin'you unkind You gotta hang on to your optimistic outlook And keep possession of your positive state of mind State of mind, state of mind State of mind, state...state of mind - You can't take no for an answer - You can't take no - You can't take no for an answer - No, no, no, no You can't take no for an answer No, no, no This is turnin' out to be a little tougher than I thought.
Kermit, I'm not good at this.
I don't take rejection well.
Maybe we could sell the show if you wrote in special effects... like exploding socks.
Oh, Gonzo, like that's a really lame idea.
- Oh, yeah?
- Hey, man, stop yellin' at her.
- He wasn't yelling.
- Yes, I was.
- Oh, Gonzo, don't make trouble.
- Fight!
Fight!
Kermit, do you think we should change the script?
Kermit, what should we do?
I don't know!
How should I know?
Why are you asking me?
Can't you take care of yourselves?
I don't know what to do next.
We failed, okay?
We tried and we failed.
Scooter, how much money do we have left?
Enough for two nights unless we find cheaper lockers.
Well, we have to eat.
- Why start now?
- Gonzo!
Gangway!
Comin' through.
Hey, watch it, will ya?
Hey, that waiter's a rat!
I'm glad we got no money.
Now I got no appetite.
There you go.
One cheeseburger platter.
- What do you want to drink?
- Glass of milk.
I would like meat in here.
Picky!
Hey, Pete, where's the beef?
It's coming!
Got two hands only!
Okay.
What'll you have?
The number for the Board of Health.
That does it!
Another rat cr*ck, right?
I got feelings too.
Do you think I'm doin' this as a hobby?
You wanna know what I make?
Nothing!
Nothing!
I live on tips!
I work hard!
I try to get tips to feed my family and my mother.
It just isn't fair!
We understand.
We don't have any money either.
Sorry.
Not my table.
What a rat!
I'll get us something to eat.
Is patty coming.
Is cow juice coming.
Rizzo, whereJenny?
May I see a menu, please?
Special today.
Yankee bean soup, with spoon.
Sorry I'm late, Pop.
Hi, Fran.
How are ya?
It went longer than I thought.
You will be so proud of me.
I did great!
It was all essay questions.
No sweat.
I know I passed.
Jenny, that's very good.
Is cow juice and patty for lady.
- Rizzo, I'm back.
- It's about time.
I can't handle everybody.
Take the weirdos at table four.
Which one is table four?
I wonder if Kermy meant it.
I mean, about failing.
Those producers looked at us like we were from outer space.
What?
No, man.
Go back to sleep.
Nobody's landed.
- We'll take 11 bowls, please.
- Okeydokey.
But there's just one thing.
We've got this show that's gonna be a big hit on Broadway... but, uh, well, uh... right now we're all broke.
- You don't have any money?
- Not really.
No.
We'd work it off.
We promise.
- Waitress!
- Coming.
Hey, I tell you what is.
Big city.
Hmm?
Live.
Work.
Huh?
But, not city open.
Only peoples.
Peoples is peoples.
No is buildings.
Is tomatoes, uh?
Is peoples.
Is dancing.
Is music.
Is potatoes.
So, peoples is peoples, okay?
Yeah.
Thanks.
That helped a lot.
Where you goin'?
Aren't you gonna wait for your soup?
But I told you.
We don't have...
I know, but I know my pop.
When he first started out in this city, he didn't have anything either.
I bet he's back there getting soup bowls for everybody.
Really?
With soup in them?
Uh-huh.
I gotta get back to work.
I had a test today, so I came in late.
Yeah.
I heard you passed the test.
I hope I passed it.
It's for acceptance into a fashion design college.
Oh, yeah?
We just graduated from college.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- My name's Jenny.
- Hi.
I'm Kermit.
- Hi, Kermit.
Nice to meet you.
- I'm a frog.
No, no, it...
Listen, I'm saying maybe it's time we went out on our own.
You mean, on our own alone?
Without even each other?
The frog's right.
We do depend on him too much.
Like he feels too responsible for us.
He'd be better off if we left town.
I can't leave Kermit.
We're still pinned.
Maybe...
I'm sorry I blew up outside.
But guess what.
Pete's cooking up some soup for us.
Well, what's wrong?
It's just...
We've had some job offers, right?
- Yeah!
Right!
- Job offers!
Yeah!
That's great.
These job offers are... kinda out of town, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- They're out-of-town job offers.
- What job did I get?
- Gonzo!
Piggy, are you going too?
Well, Kermy, l...
We go bye-bye?
Kermit, we'll write to you and let you know where we are.
Yeah, and, Kermit, we still believe in the show.
Yeah, yeah.
Board!
Saying good-bye Going away Seems like good-bye's Such a hard thing to say Touching a hand Wondering why It's time for saying good-bye Good-bye, Kermy!
Saying good-bye Why is it sad Makes us remember The good times we've had Much more to say Foolish to try It's time for saying good-bye Don't want to leave But we both know Sometimes it's better to go Somehow I know We'll meet again Not sure quite where And I don't know just when You're in my heart So until then It's time for saying good-bye Somehow I know We'll meet again Not sure quite where And I don't know just when You're in my heart So until then Wanna smile Wanna cry Saying good-bye It's time for saying good-bye Look at all those people out there.
Lots of people.
But my friends...
My friends are all gone.
I'm gonna get 'em back.
I'm gonna get 'em back!
'Cause the show's not dead as long as I believe in it.
I'm gonna sell that show, and we're all gonna be on Broadway.
You hear me, New York?
We're gonna be on Broadway!
Because...
Because I'm not givin' up!
I'm still here and I'm stayin'!
You hear that, New York?
I'm stayin' here!
The frog is stayin'!
Rizzo, is bagel ready!
Is hominy grits ready!
- Excuse me, Pete.
- What is?
- I thought you might have work here.
- Rizzo, is ready!
Part-time so I could keep working on the show.
What is that supposed to be?
Is grits.
Hominy grits.
How should I know how many?
Count 'em yourself!
Ha-ha.
- What?
- Uh, listen...
Wait!
Wait!
What is?
Is all morning like this.
You complain.
You slow.
You no take orders.
- You lazy rat, you!
- Lazy rat?
Okay!
Have it your way.
I don't have to take this abuse!
I quit!
Quit?
You no can quit!
Is breakfast crowd!
All right!
Don't beg.
I'll stay.
But I need some help.
Okay, guys, this is it.
Don't blow it.
Pete, meet your new employees.
- Say hello to Tatooey...
- Yo!
- Masterson...
- Hello.
- Chester...
- I feel terrible!
And Yolanda!
- What a crazy body!
- Yeah.
Pete, about that job...
Wait!
Is no good!
Rats want job!
Frog want job!
- What next?
Penguins?
- Do you have jobs available?
- No!
- Well, excuse us for living!
Hey, Pop, everybody's waiting for their food.
Pete, I can work nights.
Come on, Pete.
Give these guys a break, all right?
Hey, I go crazy!
- Okay, rats, you go to work.
- Yea!
Wait!
Wait!
Listen.
I tell you what is.
Is no work, is dancing... is cheese... is big shoes!
Waitress!
- All right, rats, go to work.
- Yea!
So, like, you got a boyfriend?
Pete, is there nothing else?
'Cause I'll do anything...
Pop, we could use some help in the kitchen.
Is dishes need washing.
Oh, thanks, Pete!
That's terrific!
Oh, boy!
- Thanks a lot, Jenny!
- Hey, no sweat.
- So, where are all your friends?
- They had to leave.
- Oh, even your pig friend?
- Yes, but I'm bringing her back.
I wrote the show for them.
When I sell it, I can bring them back.
I'm staying and I'm getting our show on Broadway.
I really admire that.
I'm going to do something special too.
I mean, in fashion.
Maybe your fashion designing can help me now.
- What do you mean?
- I did some reading last night... about Broadway producers and investors and agents.
Now I know what I have to do to sell our show.
I can use your help 'cause I have a three-part plan.
And the first part is... if you can't b*at 'em, join 'em.
Hiya, sweetheart!
I just flew in from the coast.
I love your hair!
Don't ever touch it!
Listen, I got an appointment with your top theater agent.
Leonard Winesop?
Yeah, Lennie, right.
What office is he in, doll?
He's in Suite 1024.
I'll call and see...
No, no, sweetheart.
No need for that, 'cause Lennie and I go way back!
I'm talkin' way back.
But, thanks, honey.
Far out!
Right on!
Mr.
Winesop?
Yeah?
A frog.
With an afro.
Hiya, Lennie, sweetheart, babe!
I just flew in from the coast.
Hey, I love your office.
Don't change a thing.
My private plane's double-parked so I gotta run.
I got this boffo, socko script for a Broadway slot called Manhattan Melodies.
It's totally today yet tremendously timeless.
I'm giving you first look-see 'cause we're like family.
Have I ever lied to you?
Oop, I think I hear my beeper.
I gotta split.
I'll have your people call my people.
We'll set a conference call.
Remember, Lennie.
Boffo, Lennie.
Socko, Lennie.
I'll call you.
We'll have lunch.
Ciao!
- Hi, Jenny!
- Hi.
Here.
Have a seat.
Were you a hit?
They loved it, right?
- How'd the costume work?
- The costume was great.
It's hard to tell how it went.
They're probably reading the script right now.
Hey, baby.
Baby!
Where you goin', sweetheart?
Hello.
I said hello.
For the next part of my plan I have to look older... so I'm gonna grow a mustache.
- You'd look cute with a mustache.
- You think so?
- Mm-hmm.
- Piggy said that to me once too.
- She's hot!
Hot mama!
- Hey, baby!
- Hot stuff!
- Lookin' good.
Perfect and pretty.
Pretty and perfect.
- Hey, baby!
- Sweet thing.
Sweet thing.
- She must be really talented.
- You're talented too.
- You mean it?
- Of course.
I know you're gonna be a famous fashion designer someday.
Kermit, thank you for saying that.
- Come on, baby.
- Don't be rude.
What was that?
- Oh, it's just New York.
- Yep.
I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Wrightson.
I would suggest to you that it is neither prudent nor wise... to be a half hour late returning from lunch... especially when it's your first day on the job.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Eileen, sorry I'm late.
It's okay, Piggy.
Everything's been goin' wrong lately.
Get your French perfume.
Quelle Difference.
Something wrong?
Can we talk?
- No!
I'll be fine.
Just bien.
- Sorry.
Get your Quelle Difference.
It's French.
It's feminine.
It'll help you grab one of those rotten, stinkin' men.
- Quelle Difference...
- Piggy, please!
You were fine this morning.
Something happen at lunch?
- My frog turned on me.
- I had some bad tuna myself.
I'm gonna fight for him, though.
Eileen, do you think I'm pretty?
Of course you are.
You're more than pretty.
Gorgeous?
Don't push it, Pig.
You're...
You're more than gorgeous.
You're unique!
But you could use a little rouge.
- Have a seat.
- What are you...
- What are you going to do?
- We'll fix you up.
Make you look like a movie star.
How'd you like that?
- Yes!
- Cheekbones.
That's what you need.
Your face is a little round.
I'm gonna give you a complete makeup job.
This morning, I said, she needs rouge.
- Turn your face.
Ever wear rouge?
- Yes.
Now you're gonna really wear rouge.
- Kermit won't care.
- Kermit, Shmermit.
You look great!
It brings out your eyes.
You know what you need?
- You need eyebrows.
- Pigs don't have eyebrows.
This pig is going to.
And so is this.
- Why did you do that?
- Boy, I think I overdid it.
- Let me see.
- Take a look.
- You have them too.
- I have them too.
- Do some more.
- I'll give you doe eyes.
Doe eyes?
What are doe eyes?
- Doe eyes are what Bambi has.
- Let me see.
- Doe eyes.
- Do some more.
You need freckles for cutesy.
- Oh, freckles.
- Cutesy, cutesy.
I'll be cutesy.
- You got it too.
- Lipstick.
Why don't you wear lipstick?
Pucker.
Pucker.
You look fabulous.
A little more on the cheeks.
A little more on my cheeks.
A powder puff for you and a powder puff for me.
Quelle Difference.
Try the newest perfume from France.
You are fired.
Pete, what happened to those rats you had working here?
Customer complained.
They no like rats for waiters.
- Is okay.
I make them cook.
- Hey, Pete.
Here you go.
Two zeros on a trampoline with a side ofJoan of Arc.
Yeah!
Oh, yeah.
Hey, how's the coffee?
The coffee's fine.
Come on in.
Kermit, when are you going to start growing your mustache?
I stopped shaving three days ago.
Didn't you notice?
Oh.
Well...
- It's subtle.
- Yeah.
I bet we could help it along with makeup.
Good.
I'm ready for the second part of my plan.
Hey, Frog.
Mail come.
Got mail for you.
Yeah, it must be from the g*ng.
Now, Yolanda, chopping is an art.
You gotta be smooth.
Hey, it's from Scooter.
"Dear Kermit, How are you?" "Have you sold the show yet?
Have you heard from the g*ng?
I'm in Cleveland.
I have this terrific job.
I'm managing a huge movie house.
Maybe not managing, but I do have a lot of responsibilities.
" Here are your glasses.
Seating to the left.
- Hurry up, Mom.
- Thank you.
"I'm meeting interesting people.
" Ah!
Your poppin' corn is 3-D!
Aha!
The corn is poppin' in your face in 3-D!
Chef, that's not how 3-D works.
- Oh, never mind.
- Here's your ticket.
Thanks.
Sir, your 3-D glasses.
Sir, your glasses!
Sir, don't you want your 3-D glasses?
Oh, I don't need 'em.
I've seen this movie 97 times.
My name is Lew Zealand.
I'm a boomerang fish thrower.
I throw the fish away and they come back to me.
Here's my favorite part.
The fish!
They're coming from the game room!
Oh, no!
The k*ller fish are attacking!
Go get 'em, guys!
- Help!
Help!
- Yeah!
"So, life is great here in Ohio.
Love, Scooter.
" Here's one from Fozzie.
"Dear Kermit, Wacka, wacka, wacka.
" "But seriously.
I'm in Maine.
My job didn't turn out too terrific.
So I decided to hibernate.
Ahh, back to nature.
I love it out here in the woods.
It's where a bear should be.
" How do they do it?
I've been tryin' to sleep for days.
Anybody got some warm milk?
Oh, brother.
Oh.
I didn't know this cave was co-ed.
My name's Beth.
Well, I'm Fozzie.
I can't sleep either.
Maybe if we snuggle.
Here's one more.
It's from Dr.
Teeth.
"Dear Kermit, How's the man?
We got this great gig outside of Pittsburgh.
I tell you, Frog, the band's wailin'.
The music's cookin'.
Crowd is also wailin'and cookin'.
Yeah, we're in hip city here.
" They're all doing pretty well.
Yeah, they are.
But there are no letters from Gonzo or Rowlf or Piggy.
I'm sure they've written.
Sometimes it just takes a while.
Yeah, sure.
Piggy's probably busy with some terrific job.
Yeah.
I guess they're all out there doing terrific.
If I could only sell the show, then everyone could come back... and we could do it together like the old days.
- You'll do it, Kermit.
- Well, thanks, Jenny.
- That's been happening a lot lately.
- I know.
It's New York.
Rizzo, I'm about ready for the second part of my plan.
I'm going to need your help and all the other rats too.
I think we could be making some overtime here.
Jenny, I need you to draw a picture of me.
- Sure.
- What's the scoop?
Have you ever heard of a whispering campaign?
- Good afternoon.
- Kermit the Frog.
My reservation secretary made a reservation for me.
Gesundheit.
This way, please.
Afternoon, all.
Don't get up.
Keep eating.
Ta.
- May I take your coat?
- No!
That is, no, thank you, very much indeed.
That's the closest I ever want to be to a frog.
- Okay, guys, do your stuff.
- Right.
You start.
Say, isn't that that rich producer over there... the one who's investing in Manhattan Melodies?
Yes, he's investing millions of dollars in Manhattan Melodies.
What's that all about?
Manhattan Melodies?
Isn't that Kermit the Frog, the big-time producer, over there?
- The producer is here.
- The producer, dear.
There's a big producer over there.
It's the hottest thing coming to Broadway this season.
It's one of the hottest shows on Broadway.
Best Broadway show in years.
Hello.
Vincent?
- Did I do something wrong?
- No.
Vincent, a frog.
- That food smells good up there.
- I'm starvin'.
But this is all a misunderstanding...
Well, thanks a lot, you guys.
So what's the third part of your plan?
I don't think there's going to be one.
I feel like I'm being a phony, and I can't take it anymore.
But I don't know what to do next.
All right.
Moping time's over.
- How about a little exercise?
- Well...
I knew you wanted to.
Dear Lord, not jogging.
Wow.
It's such a beautiful day.
Yeah.
Come on.
Give me a break.
Come on.
Let's go this way.
- Feel better?
- Yeah.
- Good.
Exercise does the trick.
- Yeah, stretch the old frog legs.
My purse!
That does it!
Excuse me.
May I borrow those a moment?
- You creep!
- Get off!
I don't even know how to skate!
You know that?
- What's going on?
- She stole my purse.
- What?
- Good try, fella.
Come on.
What?
That'll teach you to mess with a lady!
Understand?
Oh, thank you so much.
Are you okay?
What are you doing here?
Sightseeing.
- But you're supposed to be out of town.
- Yeah.
I do not wish to discuss it in present company.
That's okay, Kermit.
I'll see you back at Pete's.
I'm glad you're not hurt, Miss Piggy.
Piggy?
What's going on?
Well, vous is certainly looking different now.
No gold chains, no shirt cut to the navel, no "toupe"!
What's with all this French stuff?
By sheer chance I happened to learn French... and get a job interpreting at the U.N.
What?
Can I get my skates back, please?
Just a second.
How'd you know about that "toupe"?
- None of your beeswax.
- Have you been spying on me?
I'll unlace them while you fight.
It's no trouble.
Piggy, have you been spying on me?
Maybe spying on vous and that certain young girl of the opposite gender.
- You two-timing her?
- No, it's justJenny.
She's a friend.
She's been trying to help me sell the show.
He's got to sell the show.
What show?
If she is just a friend, what about the huggies?
- What?
- You gaveJenny the huggies?
Maybe it would have been better if we had never met.
Then you and Jenny would not be tormented by my presence.
- Oh, man.
- See what the huggies will get you?
Jenny and I were hugging because we're friends.
That's what friends do.
Friends do not spy.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
I spied because I care!
- I care too!
- Why don't you say so?
- I just did!
- All right!
Keep the skates.
I never use them anyway.
I just like to run around in shorts.
Wait a minute!
Come on, Piggy.
Look, Waldorf.
It's the frog and the pig.
- Looks like they're in love.
- Yeah.
Kind of makes you sick, doesn't it?
- Hey, lovey-dovey!
- Hubba-hubba!
Kermit, I'm sorry I yelled at you.
I didn't mean it when I said it would have been better if we had never met.
In fact, I wish we'd met much sooner.
Kermy, just imagine.
Wouldn't it have been wonderful if we'd known each other when we were little?
Imagine.
Little Kermy.
Little Piggy.
No matter what life may bring No matter what I may do Be sure of one special thing I'm gonna always be loving you Gonna be a movie star And I'm gonna learn to drive a car Gonna be a veterinarian too And I'm gonna always love you Hi, guys.
Hi, Fozzie.
- Hi, Kermy!
- Hello!
I'll be the cutest model you've ever saw And then I think I'll study criminal law And I'm gonna learn to scuba dive too And I'm gonna always love you I'm gonna be a singer And I'm gonna learn to fly a plane I'll be a doctor with diseases I'll help you with your sneezes And practice neurosurgery on your brain Gonna climb the Matterhorn But only after all our children are born 'Cause I want to be a good mommy too And I'm gonna always love you She's gonna be a movie star And she's gonna learn to drive a car She's gonna be a veterinarian too And I'm gonna always love you, you, you Well, she's gonna be a singer And she's gonna learn to fly a plane She'll be a doctor with diseases and help you with your sneezes And practice neurosurgery on your brain Gonna climb the Matterhorn But only after all my children are born 'Cause I want to be a good mommy too And I'm gonna always love you I think the ride is over.
- Bye, Jenny.
See you tomorrow.
- Yeah.
Take care.
Well, l...
Here we are.
It sure is nice we're all together like this, isn't it?
Yeah.
- Miss!
- Is customer!
- Coming.
- Excuse me.
I will get it.
After all, moi am a waitress.
Hey, Pete, thanks for giving Piggy a job.
Is rats cooking.
Is frog washing.
Is pig waitress.
Is no coffee shop.
Is zoo!
Yeah.
Kermit, come on.
What about the show?
What are we going to do next?
Frog, is mailman come with letters for you.
- That must be more mail from the g*ng.
- I'll have two eggs over easy...
Pardonnez-moi, dear.
Is something wrong?
Do you believe in inter-species dating?
I've gone out with some rats before, if that's what you mean.
- It's from Gonzo.
- Great.
It goes, " Dear Kermit, I am in Michigan." "Camilla and I have joined a traveling aquacade.
It's not like Broadway, but I have met some good-looking chickens here.
We put together this terrific new act.
" Ladies and gentlemen, the incredible Gonzo!
Thank you, Arriba!
And thank you!
You're a wonderful crowd!
Now, for today's climactic act, look yonder!
I will first make a death-defying leap from the loop-de-loop ramp... spinning and hurtling my body through the flaming circle of doom... and landing comfortably on the imitation-leather easy chair... while my chickens do their impression ofTony Bennett... singing the "William Tell Overture." Please!
I must have silence!
Are you ready?
Thank you, Margaret.
Hit it, girls!
Here we go!
Wait.
I can't see.
Whoa!
Hey, I forgot my skis!
Don't sound like Tony Bennett to me.
"Everything's going swimmingly.
Love, Gonzo.
" Hey, here's one from Rowlf.
"Dear Kermit, how's the frog?
I'm in Delaware, and I found a terrific job in management.
I'm surrounded by friends, and I love what I'm doing.
" I am Mr. Skeffington.
One of my secretaries made a reservation... for the weekend in the name of Snookums.
Oh, yeah.
This is Snookums.
Now, Daddy wants his little Snookie-ookums... to be especially good this weekend while Daddy is gone... or he'll be very angry.
Don't worry.
We'll take good care of her.
- Him.
- Take good care of him.
Snookums is a him!
Snookums gets breakfast at 8:00 a.m.
Exactly.
- Breakfast is quiche.
- Yes, sir.
Aren't you going to write it down?
- Photographic memory.
- Write it down!
Dog gets quiche at 8:00.
Whatever that is.
Marvin, put him on the desk.
Do you have any toys here?
What kind of toys would you like, sir?
Doggy toys.
Rubber balls, rubber fire hydrants, rubber newspapers.
Snookums prefers the rubber Wall StreetJournal... to the rubber Washington Post.
Don't we all?
- Write it down.
- Yeah, rubber Wall StreetJournal.
Now, while Daddy's gone... the little lumpy-dum-dums won't have his daddy... to give him washy-scrubby.
Very impressive.
You speak Chinese like a native.
- Now, shake hands.
- Beg pardon?
- Shake!
- Oh, yeah.
- Good boy.
Now, sit.
- Yes, sir.
Stay.
That was the most humiliating experience of my life.
Snookie!
Look at little Snookie-ookums!
Snookie-wookums want his little boney-woney?
Little binky-booter!
Hey, you got a squishy bottom.
Yeah!
Lay off, will ya?
Rowlf.
Hey, Rowlf, come on.
Let us out of here.
- We want to go home!
- Yeah, Rowlf, come on.
We want to go home.
Let us out.
Let us go home.
Yeah, me too.
"Love, from Rowlf." They're all doing terrific, aren't they?
Here's one more.
"Dear Mr.
Kermit the Frog...
I would be very interested in talking with you about... your musical, Manhattan Melodies.
" "Please come to my office at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely, Bernard Crawford, Producer." I've heard of him.
He's a big-time Broadway producer.
- Really?
- Yeah!
Maybe he wants you to sign a contract.
I'd better get over there right away.
Remember, just act confident... like you know the show is going to k*ll them.
Right.
Thanks, Jenny.
Good-bye, Piggy.
- Call us and tell us what happens!
- Watch it!
I'm sorry, but I have to get a contract so I can go out and k*ll them.
- May I help you?
- I'm looking for Mr.
Crawford.
- Are you Kermit the Frog?
- Yeah.
- I'm Mr.
Crawford.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
The office boy is out getting lunch.
You know kids nowadays.
They're always eating lunch.
Yeah.
Well, you want to go in your office?
No, actually...
Why don't we just have a seat over there for a minute, okay?
Sure.
You're very young to be a producer.
You noticed.
I started when I was very...
Yeah.
Can I tell you the truth?
The thing is that I'm not Bernard Crawford.
I'm Ronnie Crawford.
I signed my father's name because I didn't think you'd come otherwise.
But I want to produce your show on Broadway!
- You do?
- Yeah, yeah, I love it!
It is so different!
It's perfect for my first production.
- My dad and I have this agreement...
- Ronnie!
I'm coming up the stairs, and I want my lunch.
That's my dad.
Ronnie!
Now.
Dad, I got great news!
If you two are in love, I don't want to hear about it.
You promised me I could have one chance to become a Broadway producer.
You would get the sets and the lights and the scenery and everything!
I want to take that chance right now.
This is Kermit... and he has written a wonderful musical called Manhattan Melodies.
I want to produce it.
- When do we hear the great news?
- Dad!
All right, all right.
Tell me, Mr.
Author.
What is this musical?
All dancing, all croaking?
It needs a little work.
There's still something missing.
The two leads get married.
Then there's this song that goes: Look at me, here I am Hold it.
I'm allergic to amphibians singing.
Who's going to be starring in this masterpiece?
It's just me and my friends.
They're all dogs and bears and chickens.
I told you.
I want to do something different.
So put someJell-O down your pants.
Come here.
Don't you realize it might be against the law... having a chicken dancing onstage?
You mean you're going to go back on your promise?
Who said that?
Did I say that?
I'll do everything I said I would.
Just because this is ridiculous doesn't mean it might not make it on Broadway.
- All right!
- Yes!
- When I started out in show business...
- Thank you, Dad!
- Yeah, thanks, Dad.
- See you later!
Yeah, I got to tell the whole g*ng!
- Hello.
Pete's.
- Jenny?
- Kermit?
- Yeah!
- What happened?
- What?
We sold the show.
The producer wants to put it on Broadway.
- Really?
- What?
The producer said he's going to put the show on Broadway!
Listen.
Tell Piggy she's gonna be a star.
And, Jenny, I'd like you to do the costumes.
Oh, Kermit, thank...
Now that we'll be on Broadway, remember what you promised about getting married?
Not now, Piggy.
We got to write the g*ng and get them back.
I'll be at Pete's in ten minutes.
We did it!
We did it!
We did it!
Back together again Pete, are you sure Kermit wasn't at the bus terminal?
No, he's no there.
Is better wait.
Come.
Sit down.
But Kermit said he'd be here in ten minutes.
He's never been gone like this before.
Listen, I tell you what is.
Peoples is peoples.
Is frog gone?
Yes.
Is peoples worrying?
Is peoples looking?
Is no come?
But is peoples working?
Is water boiling?
Is come.
Yeah.
Peoples is peoples.
Piggy, I'm sure Kermit's all right.
I bet he got so excited about the show, he lost track of time.
No, no.
He's missing.
I know it.
Aren't you excited?
Just think.
You're going to be on Broadway in a few months.
Two weeks.
- The show opens in two weeks.
- The place is closed.
I'm Ronnie Crawford.
I'm producing Kermit's show.
Oh, well, we're Kermit's friends.
- I'm Jenny.
- I'm her father.
The show opens in two weeks?
My dad said...
Oh, I'm letting my dad help out.
He said we could have the sets and props and the costumes... but the show has to open in two weeks.
Did you just say Kermit is missing?
The writer and the star of my show is missing... and we open in two weeks?
No sweat.
Come on, Piggy.
We'll find him.
Wait.
We got to get his friends back... all those bears and chickens and things.
Pop, could you send telegrams to Kermit's friends?
- Please!
- Okeydokey.
- Let's go!
- Great!
Come on!
Is no sweat.
I write good.
Dear bears and chickens and things.
Is New York!
Is play!
Is time!
Kermit needs me.
Beth, wake up.
I'm going to New York City to be on Broadway!
- I'm up.
Is it spring?
- All right.
I'm up.
Hey, guys, we're going to New York!
Hey, girls, we're going to New York!
We're going to New York!
- New York?
- Yeah!
Right, right.
New York City!
Oh, boy!
Dr.
Gomez, 3-33, stat.
Good morning.
I see we've had our breakfast, haven't we?
Hi, Doctor.
How's our amnesia patient this morning?
I don't know.
I haven't been feeling like myself lately.
I tell you what.
If I may, I'd like to check your reflexes once again today.
Just take a second.
A little slow... and confused, but that's to be expected... because, as you know, you have amnesia.
I'm going to check to see that there are no physical injuries one last time.
Tickle?
This might hurt just for a minute... but it'll be over soon.
Adequate musculoskeletal response.
Now, I want you to take a deep breath.
This will hurt.
All right.
No rotator cuff dislocation.
Now, let's try the mandible.
Peachy.
No doubt about it.
You have amnesia.
Now, the problem is, you were found with no identification... and, oddly enough, wearing no clothing.
So, I did research into the major nudist colonies in the area.
I think I've come up with something.
You are Mr.
Enrico Tortellini of Passaic, New Jersey.
Well, I really don't feel Italian.
It was just a long sh*t.
Mr.
"X," I'm sorry to tell you this... but your case is hopeless.
Why don't you find a nice job and make a new life for yourself?
What we can do is give you a nice, clean set of clothes, wish you luck.
Well, thank you, Doc.
Okay, everybody.
Listen, everyone.
Listen.
Look, buddy, I don't take my clothes off for anyone, even if it is artistic.
Janice, everybody, please.
I'm glad to see you too.
But I've been trying to tell you that Kermit is gone.
He's disappeared!
- Kermit has disappeared?
- Yes!
- Excuse me.
- Yes?
I'm looking for the Gordon Employment Agency.
- That's one floor down.
- Oh, I see.
Thank you.
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
What's your name?
Phil.
Phil-up.
Phillip, Phil.
Phillip Phil.
Catchy name.
Phil, I'm Bill, and this is Gil.
Phil, I'm Gil, and this is Jill.
Phil, I'm Jill.
You know Gil and Bill.
- Pleased to meet you.
- Would you step into our office?
We're looking for the opinion of the common, ordinary frog-on-the-street.
- We're in the ad game.
- What do you advertise?
- Ocean Breeze soap.
- I never heard of that.
We know.
The truth is, our jobs are on the line.
- Here.
Sit down.
- Oh, yes.
We've been working all night on a new slogan.
Tell us if you like it.
"Ocean Breeze soap, for people who don't want to stink." - What do you think?
- Be frank, Phil.
- I don't like it.
- You don't?
How about...
"Ocean Breeze soap.
It's just like taking an ocean cruise...
only there's no boat and you don't actually go anywhere." Seems a bit long.
Have you tried something simple like...
"Ocean Breeze soap will get you clean." Wait a minute.
Wait just a second.
You mean, just say what the product does?
No one's ever tried that.
- Well, it's crazy.
- Why, it's nuts.
- We love it!
- Thank you, Phil.
If we can ever do something for you, let us know.
I kind of need a job.
Phil, you've got one right here.
We can always use a frog with horse sense.
Yes, welcome aboard, Phil.
- You are with us now.
- Yes.
Well, Waldorf, they finally made it to Broadway.
- Yep, and I already got tickets.
- You did?
Are they good seats?
They sure are.
They're for the next train out of town!
So now the show opens in just one week.
The publicity's started, and tickets are already selling.
We're going to have to rehearse day and night to get ready... and we have got to find Kermit.
Who is this guy?
He's Ronnie Crawford.
He's producing the show.
- Who's she?
- She's Jenny.
She's a friend of Kermit's and mine.
What are we standing around here for?
We gotta find Kermit!
- Yeah!
- Let's go!
Go!
Go!
Kermit!
Have you seen a frog?
This is a revolutionary new slogan... which is, "Ocean Breeze will get you..." Yeah?
Right.
- Mr. Mayor!
It's an emergency.
- Hold on, everybody.
I'm looking for a frog who can sing and dance.
If he can also balance the budget, I'll hire him.
Frog!
Wow.
I thought opening night was supposed to be exciting.
Yeah, but not without our little green buddy.
Maybe we should just cancel.
No, it is opening night tonight.
The show must go on.
Kermit would want it that way.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That was a great presentation you made this morning, Jill.
- Thanks to Phil's flow chart.
- Thank you, Jill.
How about a new place for lunch today?
- Okay.
- Oh, good.
- This time I'll take the bill, Gil.
- Oh, good.
- Something from the grill, Jill?
- No, meat makes me ill, Gil.
We'd better go to the theater now and get ready.
Yeah.
Together again Just a couple of frogs.
No!
It's Kermit!
It's Kermit!
- It's Kermit!
- How are you doing?
What friendly service.
Where were you?
We were all so worried.
Yeah.
Where were you?
I believe there must be some sort of mistake.
Hey, Phil, since you know the waiters, why don't you order for us?
- Phil?
What does he mean, "Phil"?
- Kermit, what's wrong?
Are you speaking to me?
There's nothing wrong.
I will have the tuna melt, please, ma'am.
- Like, you don't know us?
- I'm afraid not.
- Should I?
- What do you mean, should you?
We have a show to put on, your show, and it's opening tonight!
Seeing a show would be a pleasant way to spend the time... but I do have some marketing data to review.
What?
- He really doesn't remember us.
- We have to get him to the theater.
Kermit, this is for your own good.
Grab him!
- Come on!
- Whoa!
Where are you taking me?
They must not get a lot of repeat business here.
So, the grizzly bear, he walks out of the room.
The panda bear is just sitting there.
He thinks, "This is odd." Then the phone rings.
You know who it is?
It's the polar bear.
The polar bear says to the panda bear...
"I didn't know it was a koala bear." Get it?
"Koala?" This is all very amusing, but I have to be going now.
Wait!
He doesn't remember.
It's no use.
We've been trying for hours.
There's nothing left to do.
We have to go on without him.
Kermit, please!
We need you!
Come back to us!
Look, maybe you do know me, but I don't remember you.
I wish I did.
You'd better take your places.
What are we going to do?
Look at me.
You are not Phil.
You are Kermit the Frog.
That's Gonzo.
That's Fozzie.
That's Rowlf and Scooter.
They're your friends.
You wrote this show for them.
That's Ronnie and Jenny.
They're your friends too.
And I'm Piggy.
Listen.
You are Kermit the Frog, and you love me.
You want to marry me.
You want to have children with me.
With you?
In love with a pig?
Wait till I tell the guys in marketing.
Maybe you expect me to go hog-wild?
Maybe you could bring home the bacon, huh?
The sounds of love.
Cancel the show!
- Where am I anyway?
- Kermit!
- Kermy, you remember us!
- You remembered!
- Are you all right?
- What's going on?
You're going on.
It's Broadway!
You made it!
No, the script isn't ready.
- There's something missing.
- It's terrific.
We got to tell everybody Kermit's okay.
Come on.
Do you remember the opening number?
You mean...
Look at me Here I am Right where I belong I see that face comin'back to me Like an old familiar song What better place could anyone be 'Cause you're here with me It's all I've been lookin'for and so much more And now I'm here Now you're here Nothin'can go wrong 'cause I am right where - I belong - Yes!
Here we go!
Hi, guys!
Kermit, could our friends watch the show from backstage?
- Could they?
- Wait a minute.
No, they cannot watch the show from backstage.
That's it!
That's what's been missing from the show.
That's what we need: More frogs and dogs and bears and chickens and whatever.
You're not gonna watch the show.
You're gonna be in the show!
Come on!
Look at us, here we are right where we belong The curtain's up and the lights are bright And they're playing our old song What better place could anyone be - It's Kermit!
- 'Cause you're here with me So, everyone, here we go Let's start the show Extra!
Extra!
Somebody is getting married!
Somebody is getting married?
Somebody is getting married!
Somebody's getting married!
Somebody's getting married?
Somebody's getting married Somebody get some flowers Somebody get a ring Somebody get a chapel and a choir to sing Somebody get an organ to play 'Cause somebody's getting married today Somebody get a preacher Somebody bake a cake Somebody get some shoes and rice and presents to take Somebody get a sweet negligee 'Cause somebody's getting married Today Wedding, wedding Pig and froggy wedding Somebody get champagne Somebody rent a room Somebody get the lovely bride and somebody get the...
Somebody get this wedding under way Today Somebody's getting married Today Are they here yet?
- Did I miss it?
Am I late?
- They'll be here any minute.
- Oh, boy, me can hardly wait.
- Yeah.
- Isn't this exciting?
- It's the wedding of the year.
- Can't we start without them?
- No, you can't until they're here.
They're finally getting Married Now He'll make me happy Each time I see him He'll be the reason My heart can sing He'll stand beside me And I'll have everything She'll make me happy Each time I hold her And I will follow Where my heart may lead And she'll be all I ever need Days go passing into years Years go passing day by day She'll make him happy Now and forever Until forever Their love will grow She only knows He'll make her happy That's all she needs To know They'll be so happy Now and forever Until forever Their love will grow I only know He'll make me happy That's all I need To know Piggy, I thought Gonzo was gonna play the minister.
Do you, Piggy, take this frog to be your lawful wedded husband Do you I do Do you, Froggy, take this pig to be your lawful wedded wife Until you die I Do you I do Then because you share a love so big I now pronounce you Frog and pig They got married!
What better way could anything end Hand in hand with a friend
THE END
Muppets Take Manhattan, The (1984)
Moderator: Maskath3