05x00 - Text Santa

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Downton Abbey". Aired 26 September 2010 to 25 December 2015.*

Moderator: Fielran

Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise

Beginning in the years leading up to World w*r I, the drama centers on the Crawley family and their servants.
Post Reply

05x00 - Text Santa

Post by bunniefuu »

Papa, I have looked at the estate accounts and if we all learned to dress for ourselves, we could save 40,000 a year.

Next you will be suggesting that we go and get a job.

Oh how I love Christmas, the whole family together.

It's a pity Granny decided to go skiing.

Yes, it's in the paper today! She has broken the world record ski jump.

Good for her! But I must say, I have never been happier and long may it last. A toast: to happiness!

To happiness!

Happiness!

Telegram, My Lord.

Thank you, Carson.

Oh!

Bad news?

I'm afraid so!

It appears I have lost our entire fortune.

Not again!

I've let you all down. Frankly, it would be better if I had never been born.

Don't even say that!

I'm going to take the car out for a spin!

Papa, don't! You know what happens to anyone who takes the car out at Christmas?

Quite! I may be some time.

Don't be ridiculous, Lord Grantham! You have everything to live for!

Crikey! Who are you?

I'm an angel, darling! Look, I want to show you what life would have been like if indeed you had never been born.

This will be perfect for when I'm doing the Black Bottom at a tea dance.

This will be perfect for when I'm on stage with my band.

Ah, you got my delivery.

Was that a tradesman? In one of the bedrooms?

Yes. He's rather dishy!

That's right, ladies, all the way from Selfridge's, I bought you the finest in silk undergarments.

Typical yank!

Harry, what are you doing here?

I brought you this.

Ooooh, are you buying Mr. Selfridge's undergarments too?

Well, not as such. But last time I was in Mr. Selfridge's store we were discussing how to help the poor of the East End and somehow I managed to leave it in his office. It's easily done.

Isobel, in a bedroom, with a tradesman, with a beard?

He's one of the richest men in England.

Is he? Perhaps he should meet Edith?

What is going on here?

I think you need to leave, NOW!

Come, come, Downton Abbey and Mr. Selfridge should not be quarreling. After all, we are on the same channel.

Oh and this will be perfect for when I'm being flighty and spontaneous.

That's right, that is the spirit and there is more of that at Selfridge's because it is a wonderful, magical place where all your dreams can come true and the only limit is your imagination.

Not Willy Wonka?

Not yet.

Do you have these, in a size 13?

Come, come, I think it's time.

Oh, his lordship's whiskey is absolutely delicious.

Not as nice as his brandy!

This is disgraceful!

What? Them nicking your booze?

I don't care about the booze!

That fool, Carson! He's wearing my best slippers!

I'm out!

Three Kings!

Not so fast, bastard!

Full house, ladies over sevens. Take 'em off!

Off! Off! Off!

No, we don't want Mr. Mosleley taking any more clothes off.

Oh.

Where's Jamie when we need him?

Why is Mrs. Patmore wearing these ludicrous glasses?

Because you don't exist, and the new Earl has not paid for her cataract operation.

Who is the new Earl?

What are you making, Mosleley?

I'm busy!

You're drinking, Rose?

Busy!

Dearest, Lord and Lady Carlyle invited us for dinner tonight.

Oh heck!
It appears I have lost our entire fortune.

Not again!

I've let you all down. Frankly, it would be better if I had never been born.

Don't be ridiculous, Lord Grantham. You have everything to live for!

Crikey! Who are you?

I'm an angel, darling.

Harry, what are you doing here?

I brought you this.

Isobel, in a bedroom, with a tradesman, with a beard?

Take 'em off!

Off! Off! Off!

Lord and Lady Carlyle invited us for dinner tonight.

Oh, heck!

Who in heaven's name is that?

That's the most Honorable George Oceans Gravity, Marquis of Hollywood, Cora's husband.

Husband? But what on Earth does she see in him?

Seriously!

Nice step!

I'm busy.

Who is that?

She hasn't let me kiss her like that since ... Actually, she's NEVER let me kiss her like that!

Lord Hollywood! Lord Hollywood! Tell me... Tell me, does your family have a coat of arms or indeed ... a coat?

Lady Violet, you are as beautiful and charming as ever! Where were we? Thomas, were you listening in on our conversation?

Yes, my lord. It's part of my job description.

He's right! A footman's duties include answering the door, serving drinks and secretly gathering information to use to his own advantage, in a malicious and/or vindictive manner.

It's all in my contract.

I am very sorry, Thomas. I do apologize. Carry on!

Thank you, M'Lord.

Mary, I really don't feel like I fit in upstairs or downstairs.

Tom, like we keep telling you, of course you fit in. Now go and clean the car.

Why my daughters are here? If I don't exist, how can they exist?

Excuse me! I don't think any of this makes sense!

Don't worry about that, nobody cares.

But if someone eats a grapefruit with the wrong spoon you go berserk!

Well yes, but that's cutlery!

Lord Hollywood!

Okay, give me one second. You want it in that corner; right there!

Elsa Hughes, what are you doing?

It is a Selfie!

Come On!

Here we go! Alright!

One, two, go ...

This is ridiculous! That man has got the entire household behaving like fools.

Yes!

You were right, angel. Downton has gone to rack and ruin without me.

Well, job done then!

Please... take me back.

Okay. Let's do it!

Ow!

We heard about your recent failed investments my Lord.

Yes, it was rather ill-advised.

Anyway, we have all pooled our life savings and would like to give you this.

My word! But this covers my losses and more; how can you afford this?

I put a little every month in the Post Office for my retirement.

And I invested in the wireless, which made me a tidy sum.

We just love working here.

But with this you could have simply bought the estate and ran it yourselves, as a sort of commune!

No, no, my lord, we enjoy being your servants.

I don't. Well, maybe a little.

Oh yes, we know our place.

Your generosity is overwhelming! Sherry all round!

God bless us everyone!

"We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!"

Text Santa!
Post Reply