10x19 - The Collaboration Fluctuation

You know, downward-facing dog comes from the Sanskrit phrase adho mukha shvanasana.

Oh, that's beautiful.
What does it mean?

"Downward-facing dog."

Yeah, I guess they don't have Sanskrit for "butts up and heads down."

Hey, we wrote the Kama Sutra.

If it involves butts, there's a word for it.

I thought we were getting breakfast before work.

Oh, right, sorry.

It's my fault. I asked Penny to do yoga with me.

If you want, I can get ready in five minutes.

(chuckles)
It's cute that you think that.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, can I ask you a favor?

Would you mind taking Cinnamon for a walk?

Sure.
You're living here for free.

I guess I owe you.

Bye, Cinnamon.
Be a good girl.

Yeah, bye, sweetie!
Bye!

Yeah, yeah, bye, Leonard.
(chuckles)

Okay, and tree pose.

Well, she's done.

♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
We built the pyramids

♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started with a big bang ♪

Bang!

Things have been going really well with the infinite resistance gyroscope.

That's great. How so?

Oh, the project is classified.

I can't tell you.

Oh, I suppose I could redact the classified parts.

All right, um, I came up with an elegant solution to the... (speaks indistinctly)
(horn honks)

I used the...

(speaks indistinctly)
(horn honks)

And then I... (speaking indistinctly)
(horn honking)

And that did it.

(horn honking)

Wow, I wonder what they're redacting.

Why don't you ask me what I'm working on?

Oh, very well.
What have you been working on?

And feel free to honk during the boring parts.

I'm doing some experiments to show that the signal to move a muscle occurs before you know you even decided to move it.

W... So you're attempting to pinpoint where consciousness resides in the brain.

Yes, I'm trying to figure out the nanometer and the attosecond, precisely where and when an event of awareness takes place.

Well, what do you know?

Here I was, waiting to be bored with biology, and instead you tickle my intellectual fancy.

Which, unlike my body, is an okay place to tickle.

You know, when I was six, I wanted to marry the gorilla from Good Night, Gorilla.

Maybe I was onto something.

Gentlemen, the most interesting thing just happened with this spoon.

Unless it was singing "Be Our Guest," I doubt it.

Yeah, I picked it up without thinking about it.

Which raises a neuroscientific question, when did I decide to pick it up?

The bigger question is, what are you gonna eat with that spoon?

You didn't get any food.

He does raise an interesting point.

Amy is studying the time lag between intent and awareness, and I realized that applies to the measurement problem in quantum mechanics.

Now, I recognize there will be a time lag between me saying that and you Googling what it means, so I'll wait.

I understand it, Sheldon.

Yeah, me, too.

I'm sorry, I spaced.

Are we still talking about the spoon?

It's nice to see you taking an interest in Amy's work.

Well, don't get me wrong.

Neurobiology's nothing more than the science of gray squishy stuff.

But, you know, when it connects to physics, gas up the Ford, Martha, we're going for a drive.

So did you confront Jennifer?

I was going to, but she called in sick.

And guess who else called in sick.

Paul.
Paul.

Who's Paul?

Oh, you met him at the office Christmas party.

He's married to Nancy.

Oh, sure.
Wait, Nancy?

I bet Jennifer gets a promotion out of this, which is so unfair because I work twice as hard as she does.

Don't worry, Jerry won't be fooled by that type of behavior.

Jerry?

It didn't work for Randy, it didn't work for Tina, it sure as hell isn't gonna work for Jennifer.

Well, I hope not.

I just hate when people play those kinds of games.

Tina?

With your sales record, you have nothing to worry about.

Mm.

I went to your office Christmas party?

You know, I like harp lessons, but I'm thinking of switching to elevator repair lessons.

What are you working on?

I was thinking about your experiment on the neuroscience of decision making, and I realized, if we connect it to the measurement problem in quantum mechanics, we have a chance to disprove the role of consciousness in the Copenhagen Interpretation.

Wait, are you saying if we combine my experiment with your calculations, we can determine the precise moment in time when the wave function collapses?

It could be the most inspired combination since I mixed red Icee into my blue Icee.

It was like drinking / of the rainbow.

Sheldon, this is really interesting.

Yeah, and this one won't stain my teeth purple.

You know, we've never collaborated professionally before.

Are you worried it might affect our relationship?

That is a valid point.

Perhaps we should establish some ground rules.

Well, that would make me feel better.

All right, let's start right now.

Uh, rule number one, no using sexuality to get your way.

That's a ridiculous rule.

Is it?

Okay, how is that?

I can actually feel the toxins being pulled out of my skin.

Well, this is a moisturizing mask.

Oh, well, then I can actually feel the moisture going into my skin.

Hey, I hope you don't mind, I used a little of your eye cream last night.

I thought someone looked brighter and tighter.

I'd still like to know who Jerry is.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, after this, how about we all go out and do something together?

That would be great.
Thank you.

You want to go shopping?

Ooh, yes. Fun.

Or we could do something we'll all enjoy, like play a board game.

♪ Imagine me and you, I do ♪

♪ I think about you day and night ♪

♪ It's only right to think about the one you love ♪

♪ And hold her tight ♪

♪ So happy together ♪

♪ I can't see me lovin' nobody but you ♪

♪ For all my life ♪

♪ When you're with me ♪

♪ Baby, the skies will be blue ♪

♪ For all my life. ♪

I believe I've made some progress on our ground rules.
Oh, good.

What are they?
Okay, uh, number one: in matters of physics, I have the final say.

In matters of neuroscience, you have the final say.

Unless I disagree.

Oh, here.

Number two: when we publish, my name goes first.

Oh, subsequently, if we win any awards, I speak first.

I don't want to be talking when the orchestra plays us off.

Can I see that?

Oh, of course.

I'll get that back.

Like all my underwear, that notebook says

"Property of Sheldon Cooper."

Sheldon, if we're gonna have ground rules, I'll tell you the first ground rule-- I make the ground rules.

I'd write that down, but I can't now, can I?

I mean, they didn't say anything, but I just kind of felt like I was being a weird third wheel.

Huh, so you can tell what that feels like.

Interesting.

Anyway, I figured I can hang out with my friends and have fun, too.

Well, if your idea of fun is riding in a minivan to Target for diapers, things are about to get nuts.

Oh, it's just nice to be with people who are happy to have me around.

Isn't that right, Halley?

(Halley crying)

Well, at least someone had the courage to say it.

Thank you, you are a good citizen.

Told you.

Go ahead, throw my underwear out the window.

Same thing's gonna happen.

Terrific.

Do you want to hear our new set of ground rules?

Fire away.

Number one: we're on the same team, we're not in competition.

That's smart, because Sheldon: , Amy: .

Number two: disagreements can happen politely.

There's no need to call an idea stupid.

Aw, someone drew a pen1s in it.

Are you listening?

I'm sorry, go ahead.

Number three.

To avoid getting frustrated, we take built-in breaks and reward our successes with a small treat.

Ooh, that sounds fun.

Now, we're talking about real treats, right?

Not Bible verses like my mother used to give me.

Whatever you want.

So, shall we get to work?

Biology and physics coming together-- this is like the peanut butter cup of the mind.

Oh, I know what I want my treat to be!

♪ Imagine me and you, I do ♪

♪ I think about you day and night ♪

♪ It's only right ♪

♪ To think about the girl you love ♪

♪ And hold her tight ♪

♪ So happy together ♪

♪ If I should call you up, invest a dime ♪

♪ And you say you belong to me ♪

♪ And ease my mind ♪

♪ Imagine how the world could be, so very fine ♪

♪ So happy together ♪

♪ I can't see me ♪

♪ Lovin' nobody but you ♪

♪ For all my life... ♪

Wow.
Look at that.

Yes, this is remarkable.

So we're agreed: it's complete garbage.

By the way, your name can go first.

I mean, I'm glad they're getting along, but it's starting to make me uncomfortable.

Well, are you worried he's like another man in her life?

A little, until I saw them in matching tops, so...

Nice. diapers.

That ought to get us to Wednesday.

Well, have you talked to them about it?

Well, what am I supposed to say-- "Stop having fun without me"?

This one says that every time I go out.

See? I listen to you.

Look, Raj just gets along with women.

I-I know, but he was my friend first.

It's like she's stealing him and they're just having the best time doing all their dumb girly stuff together.

You sure you don't fit in?

You sound like a catty bitch to me.

I don't know where we went wrong.

Yeah, the math is so inelegant.

I'm not even sure it makes sense.

Well, don't give up.
Maybe we can fix it.

Can you stop breathing so loud?

I can hear your nose whistling.

I can hear your face talking, so we're even.

All right, either blow your nose or teach it to play "Camptown Races."

Fine. Fine.
You want me to blow my nose?

Here, I'll blow it.

(nose blowing aggressively)

Better?

No, I can still hear it.

Oh, wait, that's me.
Never mind, it's fine.

You know, you're exhausting.

I knew working together was a bad idea.

Hold on.

I see what's wrong here.
We did the propagation only to the occipital lobe, not to the prefrontal cortex.

That would mean that this delayed parameter

should be increased milliseconds.

Oh, that is much better.

Yeah, boy, if good ideas came out of your brain the way mucus comes out of your nose, we'd be in good shape.

Now, take a sip, swirl it around your mouth, and try to notice the flavors, the tannins, the textures.

Well?

I probably should have spit out my gum first.

(both laugh)

Yeah. You know, the last couple of weeks have been pretty rough, but, uh, staying here with you guys has really helped take my mind off of it.

Mm. Well, we've loved having you around.
Right, sweetie?

Leonard?

Yeah, when did he leave?

Yeah, that's rude.

You know, it's nice to spend time with people who don't talk about work like it's some kind of soap opera.

Jennifer still trying to sleep her way to the top?

Yeah.

You should be happy someone wants to do the stuff with Penny you don't want to.

Yeah, I wish I had that with Howard.

Wait.

What? What do I make you do?

Let's see: the magic store, the Doctor Who convention, the National Belt Buckle Collector's meet and greet.

It said right there on the invitation, "Buckle up for fun."

It's not my fault you didn't listen.

I'm sure I'm overreacting.

You're entitled to feel how you feel.

If you don't like it, you should just talk to her.

I don't want to sound like a jealous baby.

Oh, then maybe you shouldn't talk to her.

You know, I had a feeling you were using the wrong computational model, but I didn't say anything 'cause you're so sensitive.

(grunts) Just because I am easily bothered by light, heat, sound, smell and the way birds look at me does not mean I'm sensitive!

Hey,

I wonder what kind of success we'd have if we defined measurement as the first moment that an action potential is seen by the visual cortex.

(gasps) That is a daring and insightful solution.

We're finally making progress.

I wish we could do it without fighting.

What if the fighting is the reason we're making progress?

I suppose it's conceivable that the hormones associated with our fight-or-flight response could be sharpening our cognitive processes.

Well, if that's the case, then your grandparents mumble and have bad posture.

How dare you speak that way about my Grammy-- hey, wait a second. Wait.

Delta "T" could equal alpha sub-zero.

It seems we have a choice to make.

Abandon all ground rules in the name of science, or... give up collaborating for the sake of our relationship.

There's only one clear choice.

Science it is.
No, you bonehead!

Name-calling, that is perfect.

Now, when I get to this equation here, really let me have it.
You know?

I-If it helps, I'm not the sharpest dresser.

Anyway, I know it's silly, but since Raj moved in, I've been feeling a little left out.

Well, sweetie, that's crazy.

No, no, Penny, don't dismiss his feelings.

Thank you. I just feel...

Hang on, I'm not saying that his feelings aren't crazy.

I just don't want him to think that this isn't a safe place.

Well, to be truthful...

PENNY: Well, why wouldn't this be a safe place? I mean, he's surrounded by his wife and one of his best friends.

I don't want to speak for Leonard.

Thank you. I...

But when you're insecure, no amount of external validation can ever make you feel safe.

Yeah, you're right. You know, you're really sensitive about this kind of stuff.

I'm a good listener.
(chuckles) Yeah.

Hey, Olsen twins...

What?

Well, I-I mean, I'm sitting right here.

You're talking about my feelings and somehow leaving me out of the conversation.

I'm sorry.
What did you want to say?

I don't know, you pretty much covered it.

♪ So happy together. ♪

Various: (Shouting) Heigh!

Can you read them back?

"Revised ground rule number one: We are on the same team, but it is a competition."

Excellent. Excellent.

And on a related point, you're going down, punk.

"Revised ground rule number two: "There are definitely stupid questions.

"And those who ask them can be told so right to their stupid face."

I love that one.

Thanks, babe.

"Number three: "Fair topics for insult include "educational pedigree, scientific field, intellectual prowess, and mamas."

Yeah, that list is strong.

Like your mother's urge to be promiscuous with sailors.