Gossip Girl Here-- Your One And Only Source Into The Scandalous Lives Manhattan's I Love You, Nate Archibald.
Ways Have, Always Will.
I Love You, Too.
At Is Wrong With You? This Is Not Who You And Those Girls Are, But I Know Who, And I'm Not Gonna Forget That St 'Causehang Out Wit To Talk, Remember? Can't Help Myself.
I Never Should Have Let Yolelet Me Go.
I Will Not Base My Personal Life On Your Preferences.
Dan Is My Boyfriend.
Would Rather Be Chuck's Stepsister Than Dan's.
Ly, Would You Do Me The Honor Of Being My Wife? He Propod D Before We Left, And I'm Going To Say Yes.
Take Care, Rufus.
How Glad Are You To See Our Families Merge, Sis? So Glad Atat If You Ever Call Me That Again, It'll Be The Last Thingu Ever Say, Chuc Unless You Want Ar Nathaniel To Know How You Lost Your Virginity To Me In The Back Of A Moving Vehicle, I Encourage Patienced Restraint.
Isn't You Can t*rture? Ok, I Know You're Friendsitith Blair, But If You Know SomethingWell, Blair Really My Friend.
So, Yeah, There's Something You Should Know.
What A b*tch.
Oh, My God.
She Is Such A sl*t! Made Aececisionwas In No Condi To Do With You, Blair.
It's Over.
You Held A Certain Fascinatio When You Were Beautiful And Untouche I Don't Want You Anymore, And I Can't Seewhy Anyone Else Would.
What Are You Doing Here? I Was Just Leaving.
No, Stay.
Consider Yourself Dethroned, Queen B.
Jenny, If You Walk Away From Me No I I Will Ruin You.
How Are You Gonna Do That? My Whole Life Falling Stay And Fight.
We'll Get Through This Together.
Promise? Promise.
And Who Am I? That's A Secret I'll Never Tell.
You Know You Love Me.
Gossip Girl Season 1 Episode 14 - The Blair b*tch Project - Cat? Cat! Cat! Cat! Cat.
You Don't Have A Cat, Jenny.
My Name Is Blair.
You Don't Have Anyone.
But I'm Blair.
I'm Blair! Ms.
Blair.
Ms.
Blair.
.
Blair.
Wakey, Wakey, Upper East Siders.
Spring Break Is Done, And I'm Starved For The Dish.
Were You Sunning In Capri Or Sinning In Croatia? Give Me The Deets.
Oh, What's Happening? You Have Bad Dream, D D You're Sleeping With Your Chocolates.
Oh, Lady Godiva, My Only Friend.
And Has Anyone Spotted Our Ex-Queen B.
? Wheredoes The Dethroned Royalty Vacation These Days? Club Bed Is Over.
First Day Back To School.
I Can't, Dorota.
I Don't Elel Very Well.
Serena Come To Get You Soon.
Call Her And Cancel.
And Cover My Mirrors.
M In Mourning Fomymy Former Life.
Uck, I'm Serious! E You Done Yet This Is My Bathroom! It's Late, Anand Not To Mention Disgusting.
Chuck! What Are You Doing? L Right, Ladies.
My Sister Needs To Shower.
Make Room.
I'm Just Msising With You.
Can't Believe You Lit Up My Bathro.
Well, If I Lit Up In Mine, En The Folks Would Know It Was Me, Sis.
, Okay.
Let's Get One Thing Straight-- Our Parents Mabebe Insisting On Blending Our Households, But I Am Not Your Sister.
I Do Not Share Any Of Your D.
N.
A.
, Nododo I Ever Wish To.
Then I Suggest You Get W W Hand Towels.
Okay.
It's Imperative That I Bathe.
Can You Just Get Out? U Know What? Fine.
Just Forget It.
Xt Year, We're Doing Spring Break In Maldives.
Skiing Is Too Dangerous.
You Broke Your A T The Spa.
, Here, Hazel.
Thanks For Letting Me Borrow It.
At Is This?E Bracelet You Lent Me In Aspen? Oh, Yeah.
You Know You Could've Just Kept It, D I Would've Forgot I Had It.
Girls, How Excited Are We? Rty Tomorrow Nightfor Jenny At Sociali I Know! It's Gonna Be My Best Birthday Ever.
I Heard The Mojitos Are Amazing.
Itilill You Get Your Moutharound A Mini Oh, I Don't, Um-- It's A Sandwh.
H.
Oh.
Wardrobe, Ladies? Ferragamo Clutch D Whatever Dress I Buy Today Go With ? Oh, I've Got Some Dresses On Hold At Bendel'ere's An A.
T.
M.
, You Said You Wanted To Hit It.
U Know, To Pay Penelope Back For Brunch? Oh, Uh, Yeah.
$120, Right? Ah, I Don't Feel Like Stopping.
You Can Get The Next One.
What Areouou Doing? I'm Hiding From My Valet.
Wanted To Put My Socks On For Me This Morning.
Ur Servantse Very Atten New Latvian Maid.
No.
No, No, No, He Should Not Meet Brigita.
He's 14.
Avoid This Person.
May I Remind You, Serena, That You Used To Have A Sense Of Humor? No.
Morning, Father.
Hey.
Morning, Kids.
Morning.
D How Islilily Von Bulow Today? Oh, I Have A Headache.
Had A Very Frustrating Conversation Th The Wedding Planner This Morning.
Ll, May I Say Aggravation Becomes You? You May, But I Won't Believe It.
So First Day Back At School, Huh? Ney, You Didn't, Uh, Want To Shower? I Have To Go Meet Blair.
Eric? You Go Ahead.
'L'll Take The Limo.
As My Best Man, I Expect You To Keep Things Smooth Until The Wedding.
Best Man? Uh, Um, I'd Be Honored, Sir.
To Family.
I Can't Straight From The Airport Take Jenny To School, And She's Already Gone? E Slept At Hazel'sst Night.
Oh.
Who's, Uh, Who's Hazel? R New Friend, The Girl Whose Famil She Went With To Aspen.
Ah, I Was Actually Surprised You Let Her Go D Cancel On Mom Likehahat.
Ll, Your Complete Support Of It.
Nny Was Very Well Taken Care Of.
Spoke To Her Every Day, Twiceom The, Uh Prprivate Plane? It's The Best Early Birthday Present We Er R Could Have Given Her.
Oh, So You Paid For It? Well, I Gave Her Pocket Money.
Yeah, Jenny's Happier Than She's Been In A Long Tim Hey, Whenever You're Done With That "I'd Do Inings Differently" Look, Two Things-- E--I Can't Seem To Nail Jenny Down On What She Wants To Dofor R R Actual Bi I'll Get It Out Of Her.
Good.
And, Uh, Two-- At The Hell Are You Still Doing Here? Mm.
Thank You.
At Least You Get To Wake Up From Your Nightmare.
I'm Living With Mine.
Ank God I Have Plans With Dan Tonight.
Finally, The Return Of Some Normalcy! B.
, What Are You Doing? Giving Homeschooling Some Serious Consideration.
Look, I Know You Think Erybody's Still Talking About You, T Your 3-Week-Old-Scandal Is Ancient News.
D You Even Hear The Dirtat Happened Heard It From? Dorota? Ll, After Much Concerted Effort, Ya Finally Made It Into Brody Jenner's Cell Phone.
, And Kati's Dad Ved Her Entire Family Back To Israel.
Yeah.
And Cotatance's Bad-Girl-Turned-Good Serena Van Der Woodsen Moved In With Chuck Bass.
Yeah.
So You're Thinking Is Whole Thing Could Have Blown Over By Now? Come On.
That, Too.
Don't Worry, B The French Revolution Had Keke.
Come On.
Let's Go.
The American Revolution Had Tea.
T Looks Like The Overthrow Of Blair Waldorf, Well O Said You Need A Silver Spoon To Dole Out Just Desserts? Can't Believe Th.
.
Oh, My God, That Was So Perfect.
At Was So Perfect.
So Funny.
Hey, Jenny.
Can I Talk To You Just For A Second? Up With You Guys, Okay? Hey, So I May Have Told Birir U Told Me The Truth About Heanand Chuck, And I'm Sure She Didn't React Well To That.
T You Don't Know What You're Dealing With Here.
I'm Not Scared Of Blair,Te.
No, M M Not Talking About-- I'm Talkingout Your New Ciriririririr M Talking About Your New Circle.
I Mean, They've Been Friends With Blair Forever, D Look What They're Doing To Her.
U U Fall Out Of Line, At Do You Think's Gonna Happen To You? Ll, Then I Won't Fall Out Of Line.
I'm Not Saying You're Gonna It's Just U're Not Like Those Girls, Jenny.
That's Weird, Nate.
Since They're My Friends, Okay.
Well, I Will Give You This-- You've Got Good Aim.
Can't We Eat Somewhere Else? Ok, I Know This Is Hard For Youb.
B.
, Buyoyou Can't Let Them Beat You.
You're Blair Waldorf, Remember? Ght.
Right.
These Are My Steps, And I'm Not Gogg To Relinquish Them Without A Fight, Though It Would Be Helpful Maybe There Was One More Person In Our Crowd.
Only Old People And Children And-- Ugh, There's Chuck Th A Blond Mini-Chuck.
He T Trying To t*rture Me.
.
.
I Can't Believe It.
I Know.
Does Little J.
Actually Think At She's Anything But Eieir Lackey? Hey.
Y.
Hi.
So Since When Does Nate Archibald Have Much To Say To Jenny Humphrey, Hmm? Why? You Guys Don't Like Him? Penelope's Only Dd A Historic Crush On Him Since The 20th Century.
Nce You And Nate Are So Tight, Ybe You N N Broker That.
Yeah.
Maybe.
They At? Ey're Taking Her Out To Dinner For Her Birthday Tomorrow Nig---- Table Service At Socialista.
So Jenny Humphrey Is Officially Being Inscribed On The A-List.
Wait.
Hododo You Know This? Because They Invited Me, Butsaid No Out Of Deference To You.
Just Thought I Could Have Dinner With Her And Dan And The Wholfafamily.
? Cause I'm Nice.
You Should Try It Sometime.
Come On.
Um, Compliment Me.
Tell Me My Hair Looks Beautiful.
But Your Hair Looks Disgusting.
Did You Even Shower? B.
, I Say This Out Of Love, But Your Being A b*tch What Got Dairy In Your Hair In The First Place, Okay? Nice And Neutral, And Things Will Swing Back To Normal.
You're The Que B B.
, So Just Let Nature Take Its Course.
M Going To Model U.
N.
, But We're Dining Tonight, Right? Tter, 7:00.
, Um, I Don't Know If I Can Go Out Again Tonight.
Y? What Are You Doing? Do We Have A Reservation? Yeah, Doesn't It Take, Ke, 2 Weeks Get A Table There?T If The Ma�TRe D' $100.
Oh, And Don't Forget, J.
-- You Owe Me.
U Know, Veve Got A Better Idea.
At Does She Think She's Doing? ? E's Giving You The Perfect Opportunity For Niceness.
Come On.
No.
S.
Serena, I Know That You're Dog G Something With D T Tonight, But, Blair, Um, We're All Going To Butter, D I Was Wondering You Wanted To Joi Yes! Butter.
Great.
Great! Ve N Nice.
Ank You.
Who's There For You When You're Ldld And Alone? * * The Teenagers, E E Teenagers * * We're Playing Our Songs * Ve You Always Looked This Good? You Look So Good To Me.
You Look So Good To Me, - D You Smell - Mmm, So Clean.
Mm, You're Not Gonna Tell Me The Chuck Shower Story Again, Are You? No.
Good.
Dan.
Uck.
How Are You? Excellent.
Enjoying Having Famy Y Around.
Can Yojujust Get It Over With, Chuck? Y Whatever Pervy Thing You're Gonna Say And Just Leave? The Wedding Caterer Is Presenting A Tasting To The Family.
I Was Coming Call You To Dinner.
Okay, I'll Take Off Then.
No Need.
Already Asked The Staff To Set A Place For You.
*Ou And I, Loining Like You Never Cried * I Have To Y Y I Prefer The Chestnut Pappardelle.
Yeah, The Foie Gras Is A Bit Rich.
U Know, I'm--I'm, Uh Slanting Heavily Towards The Venison Fellow.
It's Fallow.
Fallow.
Fallow, Exactly.
Fallow.
Oh, For Me? Ank You.
O's It From? I Don'knknow But It Says "Open Immediately.
" I Have To Refrigerate It?, It's Not I Don't Know.
.
Oh, Don't Put Your Dtyty Package On The Table.
I Had A Dimefor Every Time I Heard Th That's Enough, Chuck.
Porn And Handcuffs? Really? Oh, My.
W.
This Is Low, Chuck, Enen For You.
What? I Didn't Send This.
Excuse Me.
Uh, Could You Oh, Yeah.
My Pleasure.
Uh, It's Not--That's Not What I-- I Didn't Mean That.
It's, Uh It's Trash.
I'll Throw It Out.
Spotted--Blair Waldorf, Alone At Butter.
I'm Sorry, Miss, T It--It Looks Like Your Friends Aren't Coming.
Humiliated--Party Of One.
Can't You Just Picture Her Sitting There? Every Time Memeone Comes In The Door H It's Not Them.
Ooh, No, Not Them.
" Not Going To Butter Ch Better Thanoioing To Butter.
New Nanette Lepore For Jenny's Birthday.
Gorgeous.
Right? What's The Birthday Girl Wearing? Oh, I'm Still Deciding Between O O Dresses At Bergdorf's.
I Thought You Said Bendel's.
Bendel's.
Right.
Oh, It's My Dad.
Is,Rere Youwearing Your Black Hello? Which One?U Know, I Never Wear The Same Thing Twice.
Mommy Taught Me Well.
Hey, Dad.
You Missed Dinner, Kiddo.
Oh, Yeah, I'm Studying At Hazel's, And I Guessi Lost Track Of Time.
Um, I'm Not Mad.
I Just Feel Like I Haven't Seen You In A While.
We Haven't Evediscussed Your Do Something With My Friends Oh.
That's Great, Honey.
But Since I Have Nothing To Wear, Don't Think That's Happening Anymore.
Well, If You Want To Be With Your Friends, We Can Do The Family Thing Over The Weekend.
Sweetheart? Uh, Yeah.
I'll Be Home Soon, Dad.
Okay.
Bye.
* You Drive Me Crazy * Llo? Hi.
Oh, No Check, Honey.
The Drink's On Us, Unless You Want Something Else? Yes.
Another Bellini, E Seared Squab, And A Bus Person Toepeparate The Tables, Please.
One May Be The Loneliest Number Information.
What City And State, Please? Ooklyn.
I Think That's In New York.
But Sometiss Only The Lonely Can Play.
Wake Up, Little Jenny.
The b*tch Is I Thought You Said You Didn't Have Anything Else.
Well, I Found Sometutuff In The Back Of My Closet.
-Hmm.
Do You Want To Go With Cash Again, Or Do You Want To Bu Your Sewing Machine Back?
Neither. I Want That Dress.
Honey, this Is $1,200.
Ll, This One's Quite Lovely.
Ah, Well, That's More My Color.
I Say We Take The Jet To Croatia, Where Young Eric Here N Exploit The Lesser Age Of Consent-- M Invited The Bachelor Brother, Please.
D Then Head West To Monte Carlo For Some All-Night Cards At Metropole, En Swing By Giza St To Watch The Sun Come Up Over The Pyramids.
At Do You Think, Father?
I Think We're Here.
Uh, See You At Home, Bart.
Chuck Will Catch Up In A Minute.
You Almost Ruined Things Between Me And Lily Once Before.
I'm Not Gonna Let That Happen Again.
At Are You Talking About?M Talking Ab Stunt You Pulled At Dinner.
Didn't Send Serena That Package, And Quite Frankly, R Violated Virgin Mary Act Is Getngng Pretty Old.
Thought Making You My Best Man Would Help.
What Is That Supposed To Mean? Inspire You To Valuey Y Happiness Ove Your Own Childish Agenda.
Things Seem To Be Working Out For You At That Club, Victrola.
I'm Thinking You Might Like Me To Invest More In The Place, So You Can Have Momore Control? In Exchange For Good Behavior, Of Course.
You're Bribing Me? So We Have A Deal Then? Hey, Why Aren't You School I'm Taking The Morning Off.
Volunteering To Help Those Less Fortunate Than Myself.
Wow.
You're In A Good Mood.
Tter With The Girls Must Have Gone Well Last Night? I Didn't Go, Actuall For My Forgiveness.
Hey, Dan's Not Hanging Out In Brooklyn Again This Morning.
'S Wityoyouat School, Right?, No, No But He'll Be Here Soon.
Why? Just Tell Him I Say Hi.
Okay.
Hi.
Nny's Dad? We Met Briefly At Thanksgiving.
Ah, Ye.
.
Hi.
Got Reree Cases Of Champagne For Serena Van Der Woodsen.
.
No, No.
I-I'm Serena Van Der Woodsen, But Those Aren't Mine.
Ll, The Purchase Order Never Lies.
Salud.
Y, Guys, I Just Got This Incredible Dolce.
You Wanna See? - It's Unbelievable.
You Can't Turn Your Back Your Own Hou Talking About? Mother'vavalentino Was Stolen.
Oh, My God.
It Was Made Especially For Her.
It Was The Same Year He Did, Uh, Jackie O.
'S Lace Wedding Mini.
Ll, Did Someone Break In?Noanand The Ma Swore To The Police At She Didn't Take It,T She'll Prob Wait, Police For A Dress? 'S Worth, Li, , $15,000.
My Mother Told I If She Returned It, Ey Could Work Something Out.
Like She'll Bring It Back.
Well, You Never Know.
I Mean, It Could Turn Up.
Ght, 'Cause Really, Where Is She Gonna Arar It? I'm Really Glad, Because When I Spoke To Her, E Mentioned The Plans With The Girls Falling Through.
Ll You The Truth,I Didn't Really Bel Why?.
Thought She Was Just Conflicted Out Oooosing Friends Over Family.
Ll, You Know That's The Biggest Struggle With A Girl Her Age.
Memory Doesn't Serve Yiying To Reconcile Who You're Becoming With Who You Used To Be.
E's Beenununning Herself Ragged, Mr.
Humphrey.
Ddddling Two Worlds?Ll, I Know She Wa Running Herself Ragged Trying To Get Into One Of Those Wldlds-- Picking Up Dry Cleining, Gowns For Masked ba*ls Ll, It's No Easier Once You're In.
She Needs Some Relief.
Ll, Then That's What Shshe'll Get.
Whatever I Can Do To Help.
Oh, Thank God.
Betty? Hi.
Excuse Me.
Um Uld You Pardon Me For A Moment, Plea? I Need To Trade Back All Right, You Can Keep The Scarf And The Shoes, I'm Sorry, Buthahat'sst Not Gonna Be Po What? Why? U Know, When You Leave Here With An Item, You're Agreeing To Its Value.
The Dolce Sold At $1,200.
The Valentino Is Seven Times That.
Easelolook, This Has Sentimental Value, And I Didn't Realize-- No, I'm Sorry.
A Couple Of Hours Ago, This Dress Was Mine, All Right? Doesn't Even Have Tags On It Yet.
Look, It's Not My Fault That You Don't Kww What A Valentino's Worth.
Hello? Nate, It's Jenny.
At's Going On?Listen, I Wouldn't Be Calling You I H A Anyone Else To Turn To, But I Made A Mistake, And I Need To Fix It, D I Really Need Borrososome Money.
I Jenny, Just Slow Down.
I Promise I'll Pay You Back.
Is Everything Okay? Ah, I Just-- I Madea Mistake, And I Nee Well, How Much? ,000.
$8,000? Jenny, What Do You Need That Kind Of Money For? You Know What? Forget It.
M Sorry E The Price Of Fitting In Might Have Gotten A Little Steeper But Little J.
Still Knows 'S What's Underneath That Counts.
Well, We Coulpuput This One On A Mylar Tablecloth And Pretend It's A Bar Mitzvah.
Oh, There You Are.
I Have A Date With Dan.
Could You Excuse Us? You're Gonna Say Something Worse Thanhehe Bar Mitzvah Remark? Rena, I Think We Should Talk About Any Feelings You Might Be Having About My Upcoming Marriage.
Ay, But You're Asking Me This Now Because Cause I Got A Call From Your Headmistress O Said That There Was Something About A Case Of Alcohol? Well, I Thought You May Be Acting Out.
Ght, Mom.
I Actually Woke Up This Morning, And I Thought, Mm.
I'm A Little Uncertain About My Mother's Wedding.
"Why Don't I Invite The Entire Junior Asass Out To The Courtyardfor A Champagne Toas Things Like Thisefefore.
Obviously, Chuck's Master Plan Is Working.
Can't Believe You Think Chuck Is Doing Thesehihings.
Looking Good To Everyone In My Life Isn't Enough For Him.
He Has To Make Me Look Bad Or Cra.
.
Ll, Chuck May Be Eccenicic, But I Doubt He's Diabolical.
What's He Done Now? I'll Tell You What He's Done.
Surprise! Wow.
Happy Birthday, Jenny.
Um, Dad, I Ca--I Can't Believe You Did All This.
And, Uh, Blair's Here.
This Is So Great That All Of You Are Here In My House.
, , I Should Go Change.
Uh, You Got It? Okay.
Don'ththink She Was Surprised.
What's Blair Doing Here? I Don't Know.
This Party's Kinda Weird.
Eird"? It's Time For Its Induction To The Birthday Hall Of Lame.
So Not What I Pictured En The Guy On The Phoneid "Loft Pa We Gave Up Our Table For This.
Mint Mojitos At Socialista, Mint Milanos With Jenny's Dad.
He's Kind Of A Hottie.
Yeah, A Hottie Dad.
How Long Do We Have To Stay? Rice Krispie Treats? You Can't Believehow Mad Bart Was Yes, I Can, 'Cause You've Told Me About Three Times.
Wonder What They're Gonna Do To Him.
Sh Could See His Face.
Hey, You Know What? I've Got Some Stories, Too, Uh, About Seeing My Mother For The First Time Since She Left At Christmas.
I'm The Worst Girlfriend.
, You're Not.
No, You're Not.
D There's The Funny Visit To My Grandma At The Old Folks' Home-- Two Women, A Sponge Bathd A Bedpan.
You're Right.
I Wanna Be Here Right Now With You.
And--And Nate.
What? Hey, Guys.
Y.
Y.
Sorry To Interrupt.
Your Mom Told Me You Guys Were Here.
N I Speak With You For One Second, Dan? Uh, Yeah.
Yeah, Sure.
All Right.
Okay.
Y, So Have You Spoken With Your Sister At L L Today? , No.
Why? What'wrwrong?I Don't Know She Just Called Me.
E Was Really Freaked Out, Didn't Know Where To Turn.
She Asked To Borrow $8,000.
What? Why? Yeah, I Don't Know.
I Tried To Get Her Tell Me What Was Going On, But She Wouldn't Say Anything.
Ease? Dad, Just Get Out, Oka I Need To Change! Ney, Can't You Tell Mewhat's Goi Just Leave! Y Are You Crying? Are You Upset About The Party?No, I'm No Talk About This Later, Okay? Really Just Need To Get Out Of This Dress.
Uhh, It's Stuck! Okay, All Right.
Just Help Me, Okay? Help Me Get It Off.
Nny,U Have To Calm Down.
No, Hurry Up.
D You Get It I Need A Pair Of Pliers.
Dad Sorry.
Sorry.
We Were Just Looking For Our Wraps.
I'll Get Them.
Oh, My God.
That's My Mother's Dress.
, You Guys, I Got Th At--At Resurrection.
Remember, I Was Telling You Out The Really Great Dressbought?R Mo One-Of-A-Kind Valentino At Jt T Happened Disappear From Her And Forgotten Or Something.
Are You Calling Myauaughter A Thief? Well-- Excuse Me.
This Feelsririvate, So I'm Gonna Head Out Now.
I Have A Table At Butter.
Servation's Under Waldorf, In Case There's An After Party.
Otted-- Jenny In A Red Dress With The Red Hands To Match.
Is The Name On The Label.
Blair Said They Told You The Original Party Had Faenen Through That They Could Surprise You With A Better One.
Blair's A Liar.
You Got Played.
She Also Said That You Were Afraid E Girls Wouldn't Accept Everything Aboutouou.
Like You Had Nothing To Be Ashamed Of.
Was That A Lie, Too? Where Did U U Get E Dress? And I Know You Didn't Make It, Cause Your Sewing Machine Is Gone.
U Have No Idea How Hard It Is, Dad.
I Sold My Sewing Machine, Okay? What?Ah, And A Lamp And Some Jewelry.
Why? Because I Had To.
D, You Think That You Can Just Send Me Off To School Th A Plaid Skirt And A Metrocard, And Everything Will Be Okay.
I Am Not Apologizing For Not Having A Private Plane For You, Jenny.
U Think I'm Ashamed Of Where I Come From? No, Dad, What I A Ashamed Of Having To Bring A Brown-Bag Ncnch To School, D, You Know, Eat It In The Bathroom, And Then Go Out With My Friends And Pretend That I'm Not Hungry When I Go To Lunch With Them.
U Don't Have To Do Those Things, Jenny.
You're Making A Choice.
Why D Don't You Get? Do You Want Me To Choose To Have No Friends? Ll, Clearly, I Mean, That's Not Even A Choice Anymore, Because That's Just Done.
I Should Probably Get Back.
Well, Thank You For Staying With Me Ile I Hid Outfrom My House Of Horrors.
Oh, No Problem.
, Do You Think Jennyll Be All Right? Yeah, Dan's A Good Guy.
He'll Take Care Of Her.
U Are, Too, You Know, A Good Guy-- A Forgiving Guy Who Can't Pit Himself Against Blair Forever.
Good Night.
M Sorry You Gave Me An Opening.
Couldn't Resist.
I'm Just Saying.
How Are You Doing, Man? Night.
Hey.
Hey.
Where Have You Been? Therapy.
For Four Hours? , Well, Before I Was--I Was Playing Wii Tennis With Chuck At This Guy Named Brantfthth's House? Y Are You Hanging Out With Him? Brantforth? Chuck Is Fun, Okay? He's Cool To Me, And He Doesn't Treat Me Like Some Freak At Just Out The Ostroff Center.
Who Treats You Like That? , Guys At St.
Jude's, The Girls At Constance, A At The Korean Deli On 75th Street.
Eric And He's Not--He's Not Always Caref A Around Me, Like--Like One Bad Thing, And I'll Break Or Something.
Besides, I Always Wanted A Brother.
I'm Trying It Out, You Know? Here.
At's This? Uck Said It Came For Y This Morning.
Thought You Might Want To Open It Out Of The House, Just In Case.
Y Didn't He Bring It To Me Himself? Cause He Thought You Wanted Him To Stay Away From You.
Is That Coke? How Do You Like A Brother Who Usesouou As A Drug Mule? Serena, I.
Hey.
Who Turned 12? Oh, Please Don't Rub It In.
Dad, What Happened? Hey.
You Okay? You Wanna Tell Me Why You Needed To Borrow $8,000? Not Really.
H, I Can't Believe Nate Told You.
Well, He Was Worried About You, At You Might Be Turning Into Some Hideous Upper Et T Cyborg.
He Said That? No.
No, I Did.
Just Got In Way Over My Head.
U Know, I Thought I Could Trade The Dress D Wear It That Night And Return It, But Just Look, Uh It's Your Birthday, I Think We Should Get Some Ice Cream, And C Can Talk About All This Stuff Later, Okay? Okay.
I'll Just Let Dad Know What We're Gonna Do.
Jen,Ouou--You Have So Much More To Offer Than The Things That Those Girls Have, Really.
U've Got So Much More To Bring To The Table.
You Just Need To Find A Way To Believe That.
What The Hell Is Your Problem? Specify The Context.
You Disgust Me, Chuck.
How Dare You Involve Eric In Something Like This? No Wonder You're Friendless And Girlfriendless.
En Your Own Fatherpects The Worst From Well, You Saw To That.
Listen, If We're Gonna Exist Under The Same Roof, I Am Laying Downme House No Need, Princes Bart Already Kicked Me Out.
What? I'm Moving Back To My Suite.
Bart Thought It Would Be Best There's A Line Outside.
U Ready To Give Up You're Table Yet? No.
My Party's Coming.
They're Coming! These Seats Taken? Any Good General Knows U Never Let Your Soldiers See You Sweat.
Look's Like Thisatattle's Ending At Butter, And The Win Belongs To B.
Victory Is Sweet.
? I-I Know, Dad, But Is,S, You Know, It's Her Birthday,D I Kind Of Promised .
Ll, Since You Don The Decisions Around Here, E'll Just Ha T To Take Thatth A Gr So What Are You Gonna Do? Are You Just Gonna Keep Her Locked Up? I Don't Know.
St Week, Aspen.
This Week, Prison? Yeah, Well, Spring Break Is Over For Everyone, Including Mylflf.
Really Took My Eyes Off The Ball.
, So--So Wtt Do You Want To Do? Why Don't We Just Celebrate 15 Th Some Jenny Cake In The Kitchen? Ay.
All Right.
I'll Go Tell Her.
So, Jen, W-- She's Gone.
What? She's Not In There.
She's Gone.
Y.
I'm Sorry For Calling You Like That Earlier.
I'm So Embarrassed.
Anan, It Was Stupid And-- And Inappropriate-- No, No, No, No.
Listen, I'm Just Glad You're Okay.
Yeah.
Um, Okay, Well, I Do Have A Favor To Ask You.
I Mean, It's Not Money, But I Just Really Don't Want To Be Alone On My Birthday.
Oh, For Me? Thank You.
Oh, My God.
What's Wrong? Nothing.
I'll Be Back.
Kylie Minogue's "Rippin' Up The Disco" Excuse Me.
Cuse Me! I'm Going To The Bar.
What? Bar! We'll Be Rightacack.
Metallically Reflecting Your * Where Are All The Hot Guys? I-I Don't Know.
, They Don't Exactly Servetea And Cupcak Is This Really Happening? Penepepe, You Know Nate, Right? Of Course.
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, How Are You? He Kills' "Sour Cherry" Hazel, I Think Maybe Your Mom D Give Away That Valentino.
Yeah, She Is Always Cleaning Out Her Closet, And That Ativancan Really Play With Her Me *Hout When You Wanna Get Off The Ride * *Houthehen You Wanna Get Off The Ride * *Hout When You Wanna Get Off The Ride * *Ake My Heart Beat Double-Time * On Your Fruit Stand, The Onlright? *Herry * *M I The Only Sour Cherry On The Fruit Stand? * Hey.
I'm Really Sorry, Chuck.
Know It Wasn't You Who Sent Me That Stuff.
Never Thought I'd Say This, T It Turns Out Chuck Bass Is Innocent.
Who D Nd S.
All Those Naughty Gifts? Why Don't I Make You A Drink?
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1x14 - The Blair b*tch Project
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Privileged teens living on the Upper Eastside of New York City. You know you love me. xoxo
Privileged teens living on the Upper Eastside of New York City. You know you love me. xoxo
Re: 1x14 - The Blair b*tch Project
(OG version)
WOMAN:
Where has she been?
GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?
That's one secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me. XOXO...
...Gossip Girl.
[MEOWS]
Cat?
[CRYING]
Cat!
Cat!
Ew.
Cat?
Cat!
You don't have a cat, Jenny.
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
My name is Blair.
You don't have anyone.
But I'm Blair.
I'm Blair!
DOROTA:
Miss Blair. Miss Blair.
Miss Blair.
GOSSIP GIRL:
Wakey wakey, Upper East Siders.
Spring break is done
and I'm starved for the dish.
Were you sunning in Capri
or sinning in Croatia?
-Give me the deets.
-What's happening?
You have bad dream and
you're sleeping with your chocolates.
Ohhh. Lady Godiva. My only friend.
And has anyone spotted
our ex-queen bee?
Where does the dethroned royalty
vacation these days?
Club Bed is over.
First day back to school.
I can't, Dorota.
-I don't feel very well.
-Serena come to get you soon.
Call her and cancel.
And cover my mirrors.
I'm in mourning for my former life.
[WATER RUNNING]
[SIGHS]
Chuck, I'm serious.
Are you done yet? This is my bathroom.
It's late, and not to mention disgusting.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
Chuck!
What are you doing?
All right, ladies.
My sister needs to shower, make room.
I'm just messing with you.
I can't believe you lit up
in my bathroom.
Well, if I lit up in mine, then
the folks would know it was me, sis.
Okay, let's get one thing straight.
Our parents may be insisting on blending
our households, but I am not your sister.
I do not share any of your DNA,
nor do I ever wish to.
Then I suggest
you get new hand towels.
Okay, it's imperative that I bathe.
Can you just get out?
You know what?
Fine, just forget it.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Next year, we'll do spring break
in Maldives. Skiing is too dangerous.
You broke your arm in the spa.
Oh, here, Hazel.
Thanks for letting me borrow it.
-What is this?
-The bracelet you lent me in Aspen.
Oh, yeah.
You could have just kept it
and I would have forgot I had it.
Girls, how excited are we?
Party tomorrow night for Jenny
at Socialista.
It's gonna be my best birthday ever.
I heard the mojitos are amazing.
Wait till you get your mouth around
a mini Cuban.
-Oh, I don't--
-It's a sandwich.
-Oh.
-Wardrobe, ladies?
My Ferragamo clutch.
And whatever dress
I buy today to go with it.
-What about you, J?
-I've got dresses on hold at Bendel's.
There's an ATM.
You said you wanted to hit it.
You know,
to pay Penelope back for brunch?
Oh, uh-- Yeah, 120, right?
Yeah, I don't feel like stopping.
You could get the next one.
-What are you doing?
-I'm hiding from my valet.
He wanted to put my socks on for me.
Your servants are very attentive.
You should meet Brigita,
the new Latvian maid.
No, no, he should not meet Brigita.
He's 14.
Avoid this person.
CHUCK: May I remind you
that you used to have a sense of humor?
-No.
-Morning, father.
-Hey.
-Good morning, kids.
And how is Lily von Bulow today?
Oh. I have a headache.
I had a very frustrating conversation
with the wedding planner this morning.
Well, may I say
aggravation becomes you?
You may, but I won't believe it.
So first day back at school, huh?
Honey, you didn't want to shower?
[CHUCK CHUCKLES]
I have to go meet Blair. Eric?
Go ahead. We'll take the limo.
[DOOR OPENS]
As my best man, I expect you
to keep things smooth until the wedding.
Best man?
I'd be honored, sir.
To family.
DAN: I came from the airport to drive
Jenny, and she's already gone?
-She slept at Hazel's last night.
-Oh. Who's Hazel?
Her new friend, a girl whose family
she went with to Aspen.
I was surprised you let her go,
cancel on Mom like that.
Your mom was in complete support of it.
Jenny was well taken care of.
I spoke to her every day,
twice from the private plane.
Private plane?
It's the best birthday present
we could give her.
-So you paid for it?
-I gave her pocket money.
Yeah, Jenny's happier
than she's been in a long time.
Hey, whenever you're done with that
I'd-do-things-differently look, two things:
One, I can't seem to nail Jenny down...
...on what she wants to do
for her actual birthday.
-I'll get it out of her.
-Good, and two:
What the hell are you still doing here?
Thank you.
At least you get to wake up from
your nightmare. I'm living with mine.
Thank God I have plans
with Dan tonight.
Finally, the return of some normalcy.
B, what are you doing?
Giving homeschooling
some serious consideration.
Look, I know you think
everybody's still talking about you.
But your three-week-old scandal
is ancient news.
-Hear the dirt that happened over break?
-Who would I have heard it from, Dorota?
Well, after much-concerted effort...
...Mya finally made it
into Brodie Jenner's cell phone. Ugh.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Oh, and Connie's dad
moved her entire family back to Israel.
Yeah.
And Constance's bad-girl-turned-good
Serena van der Woodsen...
...moved in with Chuck Bass.
So you're thinking this whole thing
could have blown over by now?
Come on.
That too.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
[SIGHS]
[MURMURING]
Don't worry, B.
GOSSIP GIRL:
The French revolution had cake.
Come on, let's go.
The American revolution had tea.
But looks like the overthrow
of Blair Waldorf, well....
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
Who said you need a silver spoon
to dole out just desserts?
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Give it up, man.
[BELL RINGS]
Hey, Jenny, can I talk to you
just for a second?
I'll meet up with you guys, okay?
Hey, so I may have told Blair you
told me the truth about her and Chuck...
...and I'm sure
she didn't react well to that...
...but you don't know
what you're dealing with here.
-Oh. I'm not scared of Blair, Nate.
-No, I'm not talking about--
I'm talking about your new circle.
They've been friends with Blair forever
and look what they're doing to her.
I mean, you fall out of line, what
do you think's gonna happen to you?
-Well, then I won't fall out of line.
-I'm not saying you're gonna....
Look, it's just,
you're not like those girls, Jenny.
That's weird, since they're my friends...
...you'd think we have
some stuff in common.
Okay.
Well, I will give you this.
You've got good aim.
[EXHALES]
I know this is hard,
but you can't let them beat you.
You're Blair Waldorf, remember?
Right. Right.
These are my steps and I'm not going
to relinquish them without a fight.
Though it would be helpful if maybe
there was one more person in our crowd.
Only old people and children
and, ugh, there's Chuck.
With a blond mini-Chuck.
He's trying to t*rture me.
-I can't believe it.
-I know.
Does little J actually think
that she's anything but their lackey?
[GIGGLING]
-Hey.
-Hey.
So since when does Nate Archibald have
so much to say to Jenny Humphrey?
Why? You guys don't like him?
Penelope's only had a historic crush
on him since the 20th century.
Since you and Nate are so tight,
maybe you can broker that.
Yeah, maybe.
They what?
They're taking her out to dinner
for her birthday.
Table service at Socialista.
So Jenny Humphrey is officially
being inscribed on the A-list.
Wait, how do you know this?
Because they invited me,
but I said no out of deference to you.
I just thought I could have dinner
with her and Dan and the whole family.
How do you manage
to get out of everything unscathed?
Because I'm nice.
You should try it sometime.
Come on, compliment me.
Tell me my hair looks beautiful.
But your hair looks disgusting.
Did you even shower?
[CHUCKLES]
B, I say this out of love...
...but your being a b*tch is what got
dairy in your hair in the first place, okay?
Be nice and neutral
and things will swim back to normal.
You're the queen bee,
so just let nature take its course.
I'm going to Model U.N.,
but we're dining tonight.
Butter, 7:00.
I don't know if I can
go out again tonight.
-Why? What are you doing?
-Do we have a reservation?
Yeah, doesn't it take like two weeks
to get a table there?
Not if you slip the maitre'd a hundred.
Oh, and don't forget, J, you owe me.
Um....
You know, I've got a better idea.
What's she doing?
What does she think she's doing?
She's giving you the perfect opportunity
for niceness. Come on.
-No.
-Yes.
Serena, I know you're doing something
with Dan tonight...
...but, Blair, we're going to Butter and I
was wondering if you wanted to join us.
She'd be delighted. Yes, Butter.
-Great.
-Great.
-Very nice.
-Thank you.
DAN:
Mm.
Do you always look this good?
You look so good today.
You look so good to me.
And you smell so clean.
You're not gonna tell me
the Chuck-shower story again.
-No.
-Good.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Dan?
-Chuck, how are you?
-Excellent. Enjoying having family around.
Can you get it over with?
Say whatever pervy thing
you're gonna say and leave?
The wedding caterer
is presenting a tasting to the family.
I was coming to call you to dinner.
-Okay. I'll take off, then.
-No need.
I already asked the staff
to set a place for you.
I have to say
I prefer the chestnut pappardelle.
Yeah, the foie gras is a bit rich.
I'm slanting heavily
towards the venison fellow.
[WHISPERS]
It's fallow.
Fallow. Fallow, exactly. Fallow.
[SERENA CHUCKLES]
-Oh. For me?
-Miss.
-Thank you.
-Who's it from?
I don't know,
but it says "open immediately."
-Do I have to refrigerate it?
-No, it's not from me. I don't know.
Oh, don't put your dirty package
on the table.
If I had a dime
for every time I heard that.
That's enough, Chuck.
Porn and handcuffs? Really?
-Oh, my.
-Wow.
-This is low, Chuck, even for you.
CHUCK: What?
I didn't send this.
-Ahem. If you'll excuse me.
-Could you...?
Oh, yeah, my pleasure.
It's not-- That's not what I--
I didn't mean that.
It's trash, I'll throw it out.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
GOSSIP GIRL:
Spotted: Blair Waldorf alone at Butter.
I'm sorry, miss, but it looks like
your friends aren't coming.
Humiliated, party of one.
[GIRLS LAUGHING]
Can't you just picture her sitting there?
Every time someone comes in the door,
"It's not them. No, not them."
Not going to Butter is so much better
than going to Butter.
My new Nanette Lepore
for Jenny's birthday.
-Gorgeous.
-Wow.
-Right.
-What's the birthday girl wearing?
Oh. I'm still deciding
between two dresses at Bergdorf's.
-I thought you said Bendel's.
-Bendel's, right.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Oh, it's my dad.
-Is, are you wearing your black Chanel?
JENNY: Hello?
Which one?
You know I never wear the same
thing twice. Mommy taught me well.
-Hey, Dad.
RUFUS: You missed dinner, kiddo.
Oh, yeah, I'm studying at Hazel's
and I guess I lost track of time.
I'm not mad.
I just feel I haven't seen you in a while.
We haven't even
discussed your birthday.
I was gonna do something
with my friends.
Oh. That's great, honey.
But since I have nothing to wear,
I don't think that's happening anymore.
If you wanna be with friends, we can
do the family thing over the weekend.
Sweetheart?
Yeah, I'll be home soon, Dad.
Okay, bye.
-Hello. Hi.
-Oh.
No check, honey, the drink's on us,
unless you want something else.
Yes, another Bellini, the seared squab...
...and a bus person
to separate the tables, please.
Okay.
GOSSIP GIRL:
One may be the loneliest number.
MAN [OVER PHONE]:
Information. City and state, please.
Brooklyn. I think that's in New York.
GOSSIP GIRL: But sometimes
only the lonely can play.
Wake up, little Jenny, the b*tch is back.
I thought you said
you didn't have anything else.
Well, I found some stuff
in the back of my closet.
Mm-hm.
Do you wanna go with cash again...
...or do you wanna buy
your sewing machine back?
Neither.
I want that dress.
Honey, this is $1200.
Well, this one's quite lovely.
Yeah, well, that's more my color.
Hmm.
I say we take the jet to Croatia...
...where Eric can exploit
the lesser age of consent.
-I'm invited to the bachelor party?
-Please.
And then head west to Monte Carlo
for some all-night cards at Metropole...
...and swing by Giza just to watch
the sun come up over the pyramids.
What do you think, father?
I think we're here.
-See you at home, Bart. Heh.
-Chuck will catch up in a minute.
You almost ruined things
between me and Lily once before.
-I'm not gonna let that happen again.
-What are you talking about?
I'm talking about that stunt you pulled.
I didn't send Serena that package...
...and quite frankly, her violated
Virgin Mary act is getting pretty old.
I thought making you my best man
would help.
What is that supposed to mean?
Inspire you to value my happiness
above your own childish agenda.
Things seem to be working out for you
at that club, Victrola.
I'm thinking you might like me
to invest more in the place.
So you can have more control.
In exchange for good behavior,
of course.
You're bribing me.
So we have a deal, then?
[CAR DOOR OPENS]
SERENA: Why aren't you at school?
BLAIR: I'm taking the morning off.
Volunteering to help
those less fortunate than myself.
Wow, you're in a good mood.
Butter with the girls
must've gone well last night.
I didn't go, actually.
Why not?
I figure they should work a little harder
for my forgiveness.
Dan's not hanging out
in Brooklyn again this morning.
He's with you at school, right?
No, not yet, but he'll be here soon, why?
Just tell him I say hi.
Okay.
Hi. Jenny's dad?
We met briefly at Thanksgiving.
Yeah. Hi.
I've got three cases of champagne
for Serena van der Woodsen.
Oh, no, no. I'm Serena van der Woodsen,
but those aren't mine.
Well, the purchase order
never lies, salut.
[STUDENTS CLAMORING, LAUGHING]
ISABEL:
She must have been so angry.
Hey, guys, I just got
this incredible Dolce. You wanna see?
It's unbelievable. You can't
turn your back in your own house.
-What are you talking about?
-My mother's Valentino was stolen.
-Oh, my God.
-It was made especially for her.
It was the same year he did
Jackie O's lace wedding mini.
Well, did someone break in?
No, and the maid swore to the police she
didn't take it but she'll probably get fired.
Wait, police? For a dress?
It's worth like $15,000.
If she returned it,
they could work something out.
Like she'll bring it back.
Well, you never know.
I mean, it could turn up.
Right, because, really,
where's she gonna wear it?
I'm really glad,
because when I spoke to her...
...she said the plans with the girls
fell through.
Nope.
-Tell you the truth, I didn't believe her.
-Why?
I thought she was just conflicted
about choosing friends over family.
Well, you know that's the biggest
struggle with a girl her age.
Memory doesn't serve--
Trying to reconcile who you're becoming
with who you used to be.
She's been running herself ragged,
Mr. Humphrey.
Straddling two worlds.
I know she was running herself ragged
trying to get into one of those worlds...
...picking up dry-cleaning,
gowns for masked ba*ls.
Well, it's no easier once you're in.
She needs some relief.
Well, then, that's what she'll get.
Whatever I can do to help.
[BELL CHIMES]
Oh, thank God. Betty? Hi, excuse me.
Would you pardon me
for a moment, please?
I need to trade back.
You can keep the scarf and shoes but
I need to give you this for the red one.
Well, honey, I'm sorry,
but that's just not gonna be possible.
What? Why?
When you leave here with an item,
you're agreeing to its value.
The Dolce sold at 1200.
The Valentino-- Ha-ha.
--is seven times that.
This has sentimental value
and I didn't realize--
No, I'm sorry.
A couple of hours ago, this dress was
mine. It doesn't even have tags on it yet.
Look, it's not my fault that you
don't know what a Valentino's worth.
[SIGHS]
[DIALING]
[SNIFFLES]
[LINE RINGS]
Hello?
-Nate, it's Jenny.
-What's going on?
I wouldn't be calling you
if I had anyone else to turn to...
...but I made a mistake
and I need to borrow some money.
Wait, wait, Jenny, just slow down.
-I promise I'll pay you back.
-Is everything okay?
Yeah, I just--
I made a mistake and I need to fix it.
-Well, how much?
-Eight thousand dollars.
Eight thousand dollars?
Jenny, what do you need
that kind of money for?
You know what? Forget it.
I'm sorry I bothered you.
[SIGHS]
GOSSIP GIRL: The price of fitting in
may have gotten a little steeper...
...but little J still knows
it's what's underneath that counts.
[DOOR OPENS]
WOMAN: Here's the second choice
for the centerpiece.
LILY: We could put this one
on a Mylar tablecloth...
...and pretend it's a bar mitzvah.
Let's go back to the more
understated style.
-Oh, there you are.
-I have a date with Dan.
Could you excuse us? Thank you.
Say something worse
than the bar mitzvah remark?
I think we should talk
about any feelings...
...you might be having
about my upcoming marriage.
Okay, but you're asking me
this now because...?
Because I got a call
from your headmistress...
...who said that there was something
about a case of alcohol.
[SCOFFS]
Well, I thought you may be acting out.
Right, Mom. I actually woke up
this morning and I thought:
"Hmm. I'm uncertain
about my mother's wedding.
Why don't I invite
the entire junior class...
...out to the courtyard
for a champagne toast?"
You have pulled things like this before.
Obviously, Chuck's master plan
is working.
I can't believe you think Chuck
is doing this.
Looking good to everyone in my life
isn't enough for him.
He has to make me look bad or crazy.
Well, Chuck may be eccentric,
but I doubt he's diabolical.
What's he done now?
I'll tell you what he's done.
ALL:
Surprise!
[BLOWS PARTY HORN]
-Wow.
-Happy birthday, Jenny.
Dad, I can't believe you did all this.
And Blair's here.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
This is so great that all of you are here
in my house.
I should go change.
You got it?
-I don't think she was surprised.
-What's Blair doing here?
-I don't know. This party's kind of weird.
-Weird?
It's time for its induction
to the birthday hall of lame.
ISABEL: So not what I pictured when
the guy on the phone said loft party.
Can't believe we gave up our table
for this. Mint mojitos at Socialista.
Mint Milanos with Jenny's dad.
-He's kind of a hottie.
-Yeah, a hottie dad.
-How long do we have to stay?
-Rice Krispy treats?
DAN: Oh.
SERENA: Heh-heh.
You can't believe how mad Bart was.
Yes, I can because you've told me
about three times.
I wonder what they're gonna do.
I wish I could see his face.
I've got some stories too.
About seeing my mother for
the first time since she left at Christmas.
-I'm the worst girlfriend.
-You're not.
There's the funny visit to my grandma,
at the old folks' home.
Two women, a sponge bath
and a bedpan.
[LAUGHS]
I'm sorry, you're right.
I wanna be here right now, with you.
-And Nate.
-What?
-Hey, guys.
-Hey.
Sorry to interrupt.
Your mom told me you guys were here.
Could I speak with you for one second?
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Okay.
-Have you spoken with your sister today?
-No, why? What's wrong?
I don't know. She called me.
She was freaked out, didn't know where
to turn, she asked to borrow $8000.
-What? Why?
-I don't know.
I tried to get her to tell me what was
going on, but she wouldn't say anything.
Please, Dad, just get out, okay?
I need to change.
Honey, can't you tell me
what's going on?
Nothing, Dad, okay? Just leave.
Why are you crying? Are you upset?
No, can't we just talk about this later?
I really just need to get out of this dress.
-Aah! It's stuck.
-Okay, all right.
Just help me, okay? Help me get it off.
-Jenny, you have to calm down.
-No. Hurry up.
-Did you get it?
-I need a pair of pliers.
Dad.... Ugh.
[KNOCKS]
-Sorry, we were looking for our wraps.
-I'll get them.
Oh, my God. That's my mother's dress.
No, you guys.
I got this at Resurrection.
Remember I was telling you
about the dress I bought?
Her mother's one-of-a-kind Valentino
that happened to disappear?
She must have given it away
and forgotten or something.
Are you calling my daughter a thief?
-Wha--?
-Excuse me.
This feels private,
so I'm gonna head out now.
I have a table at Butter.
Reservation's under Waldorf
in case there's an after party.
GOSSIP GIRL: Spotted: Jenny in a red
dress with the red hands to match.
Looks like Utter Disgrace
is the name on the label.
Blair said they told you
the original party had fallen through...
...so that they could surprise you
with a better one.
Blair's a liar. You got played.
She also said you were afraid the girls
wouldn't accept everything about you.
She knew you were wrong...
...and she wanted you to feel
like you had nothing to be ashamed of.
Is that a lie too?
[SIGHS]
Where did you get the dress?
And I know you didn't make it
because your sewing machine is gone.
[SNIFFLES]
[CRYING]
You have no idea how hard it is, Dad.
-I sold my sewing machine, okay?
-What?
-Yeah, and a lamp and some jewelry.
-Why?
Because I had to.
You think you can just send me off
to school...
...with a plaid skirt and a MetroCard
and everything will be okay.
I am not apologizing for not having
a private plane for you, Jenny.
[SIGHS]
You think I'm ashamed
of where I come from?
No, Dad, what I'm ashamed of
is having to bring...
...a brown-bagged lunch to school...
...and eat it in the bathroom,
and then go out with my friends...
...and pretend I'm not hungry
when I go to lunch with them.
You don't have to do
those things, Jenny.
You're making a choice.
What don't you get?
Do you want me to choose
to have no friends?
Or clearly, I mean, that's not even a
choice anymore because that's just done.
NATE:
I should probably get back now.
So thank you for staying with me
while I hid out from my house of horrors.
-No problem.
-So you think Jenny will be all right?
Yeah, Dan's a good guy.
He'll take care of her.
You are too, you know, a good guy.
A forgiving guy who can't pit himself
against Blair forever.
[CHUCKLES]
-Good night.
-I'm sorry.
You gave me an opening
I couldn't resist.
-I'm just saying.
NATE: How you doing?
Good night.
Hey, where have you been?
-Therapy.
-For four hours?
Well, before I was playing
Wii tennis with Chuck...
...at this guy named Brenforth's house.
-Why are you hanging out with him?
-Brenforth?
Chuck is fun, okay?
He's cool and he doesn't treat me like
some freak that just got out of Ostroff.
Who treats you like that?
Guys at St. Jude's,
the girls at Constance...
...Suke at the Korean deli on 75th street.
-Eric.
-And he's not--
He's not always careful around me, like
one bad thing and I'll break or something.
Besides, I always wanted a brother.
I'm trying it out, you know? Here.
-What's this?
-Chuck said it came for you.
He thought you might wanna open it
out of the house, just in case.
Why didn't he bring it to me?
Because he thought you wanted him
to stay away from you.
Whoa. Is that coke?
How do you like a brother
who uses you as a drug mule?
Serena, I....
-Hey, who turned 12?
-Please, don't rub it in.
Dad, what happened?
Hey.
You okay?
You wanna tell me
why you needed to borrow $8000?
Not really.
I can't believe Nate told you.
Well, he was worried about you...
...that you might be turning
into some hideous, upraised cyborg.
-He said that?
-No, no. I did.
Heh.
I just got in way over my head.
You know, I thought I could
trade the dress...
...and wear it for a night and return it.
I just....
Look...
...it's your birthday, so I think
we should get some ice cream...
...and we can talk
about all this stuff later, okay?
Okay.
I'll just let Dad know
what we're gonna do.
Jen, you have so much more to offer
than the things that those girls have.
Really, you've got so much more
to bring to the table.
You just need to find a way
to believe that.
Okay?
-What the hell's your problem?
-Specify the context.
You disgust me, Chuck.
How dare you involve Eric
in something like this?
No wonder you're friendless,
girlfriendless.
Even your own father
expects the worst from you.
Well, you saw to that.
If we're gonna exist under the same roof,
I am laying down some house rules.
No need, princess.
Bart already kicked me out.
-What?
-I'm moving back to my suite.
Bart thought it would be best if the
family bonded without me for a while.
[CLASSIC'S "ON THE RUN" PLAYING]
There's a line outside.
You ready to give up your table yet?
No, my party's coming.
[LOUDER]
They're coming.
These seats taken?
GOSSIP GIRL:
Any good general knows...
...you never let your soldiers
see you sweat.
Looks like this battle's ending at Butter,
and the win belongs to B.
Victory is sweet.
I don't want Jenny leaving
this house soon.
I know, Dad, but it's her birthday
and I kind of promised her.
Since you don't make the decisions...
...she'll have to take that
with a grain of salt.
Okay, I'm sorry. What're you gonna do?
-Keep her locked up?
-I don't know.
[SIGHS]
Last week, Aspen, this week, prison?
Yeah, well, spring break is over
for everyone, including myself.
I really took my eye off the ball.
So, what do you wanna do?
Why don't we just celebrate 15
with some Jenny cake in the kitchen?
Okay. All right, I'll go tell her.
So, Jen....
-She's gone.
-What?
She's not in there. She's gone.
[SIGHS]
[DIALING]
[BUZZING]
Hey, I'm sorry for calling you
like that earlier.
I'm so embarrassed.
-I mean, it was stupid and inappropriate.
-No, no, no.
Listen, I'm just glad you're okay.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
Okay, well, I do have a favor to ask you.
I mean, it's not money, but I just really
don't wanna be alone on my birthday.
[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
-Here you are.
-Oh, for me? Thank you.
Oh, my God.
-Yeah, I know.
-What's wrong?
Nothing.
I'll be back.
[KYLIE MINOGUE'S
"RIPPIN' UP THE DISCO" PLAYING]
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Ugh.
I'm going to the bar.
-What?
-Bar!
We'll be right back.
-Where are all the hot guys?
-I don't know.
They don't exactly serve tea
and cupcakes here, Jenny.
-Twenty minutes.
-Is this really happening?
Penelope, you know Nate, right?
-Of course. Hi.
-Hi.
NATE:
How are you? Good to see you again.
[THE KILLS' "SOUR CHERRY" PLAYING]
Hazel, I think maybe your mom
did give away that Valentino.
Yeah, she is always cleaning out
her closet...
...and that Ativan can really play
with her memory.
[TV PLAYING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hey.
I'm really sorry, Chuck.
I know it wasn't you
who sent me that stuff.
GOSSIP GIRL: Never thought I'd say this,
but it turns out Chuck Bass is innocent.
So who did send S
all those naughty gifts?
Why don't I make you a drink?
WOMAN:
Where has she been?
GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?
That's one secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me. XOXO...
...Gossip Girl.
[MEOWS]
Cat?
[CRYING]
Cat!
Cat!
Ew.
Cat?
Cat!
You don't have a cat, Jenny.
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
My name is Blair.
You don't have anyone.
But I'm Blair.
I'm Blair!
DOROTA:
Miss Blair. Miss Blair.
Miss Blair.
GOSSIP GIRL:
Wakey wakey, Upper East Siders.
Spring break is done
and I'm starved for the dish.
Were you sunning in Capri
or sinning in Croatia?
-Give me the deets.
-What's happening?
You have bad dream and
you're sleeping with your chocolates.
Ohhh. Lady Godiva. My only friend.
And has anyone spotted
our ex-queen bee?
Where does the dethroned royalty
vacation these days?
Club Bed is over.
First day back to school.
I can't, Dorota.
-I don't feel very well.
-Serena come to get you soon.
Call her and cancel.
And cover my mirrors.
I'm in mourning for my former life.
[WATER RUNNING]
[SIGHS]
Chuck, I'm serious.
Are you done yet? This is my bathroom.
It's late, and not to mention disgusting.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
Chuck!
What are you doing?
All right, ladies.
My sister needs to shower, make room.
I'm just messing with you.
I can't believe you lit up
in my bathroom.
Well, if I lit up in mine, then
the folks would know it was me, sis.
Okay, let's get one thing straight.
Our parents may be insisting on blending
our households, but I am not your sister.
I do not share any of your DNA,
nor do I ever wish to.
Then I suggest
you get new hand towels.
Okay, it's imperative that I bathe.
Can you just get out?
You know what?
Fine, just forget it.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Next year, we'll do spring break
in Maldives. Skiing is too dangerous.
You broke your arm in the spa.
Oh, here, Hazel.
Thanks for letting me borrow it.
-What is this?
-The bracelet you lent me in Aspen.
Oh, yeah.
You could have just kept it
and I would have forgot I had it.
Girls, how excited are we?
Party tomorrow night for Jenny
at Socialista.
It's gonna be my best birthday ever.
I heard the mojitos are amazing.
Wait till you get your mouth around
a mini Cuban.
-Oh, I don't--
-It's a sandwich.
-Oh.
-Wardrobe, ladies?
My Ferragamo clutch.
And whatever dress
I buy today to go with it.
-What about you, J?
-I've got dresses on hold at Bendel's.
There's an ATM.
You said you wanted to hit it.
You know,
to pay Penelope back for brunch?
Oh, uh-- Yeah, 120, right?
Yeah, I don't feel like stopping.
You could get the next one.
-What are you doing?
-I'm hiding from my valet.
He wanted to put my socks on for me.
Your servants are very attentive.
You should meet Brigita,
the new Latvian maid.
No, no, he should not meet Brigita.
He's 14.
Avoid this person.
CHUCK: May I remind you
that you used to have a sense of humor?
-No.
-Morning, father.
-Hey.
-Good morning, kids.
And how is Lily von Bulow today?
Oh. I have a headache.
I had a very frustrating conversation
with the wedding planner this morning.
Well, may I say
aggravation becomes you?
You may, but I won't believe it.
So first day back at school, huh?
Honey, you didn't want to shower?
[CHUCK CHUCKLES]
I have to go meet Blair. Eric?
Go ahead. We'll take the limo.
[DOOR OPENS]
As my best man, I expect you
to keep things smooth until the wedding.
Best man?
I'd be honored, sir.
To family.
DAN: I came from the airport to drive
Jenny, and she's already gone?
-She slept at Hazel's last night.
-Oh. Who's Hazel?
Her new friend, a girl whose family
she went with to Aspen.
I was surprised you let her go,
cancel on Mom like that.
Your mom was in complete support of it.
Jenny was well taken care of.
I spoke to her every day,
twice from the private plane.
Private plane?
It's the best birthday present
we could give her.
-So you paid for it?
-I gave her pocket money.
Yeah, Jenny's happier
than she's been in a long time.
Hey, whenever you're done with that
I'd-do-things-differently look, two things:
One, I can't seem to nail Jenny down...
...on what she wants to do
for her actual birthday.
-I'll get it out of her.
-Good, and two:
What the hell are you still doing here?
Thank you.
At least you get to wake up from
your nightmare. I'm living with mine.
Thank God I have plans
with Dan tonight.
Finally, the return of some normalcy.
B, what are you doing?
Giving homeschooling
some serious consideration.
Look, I know you think
everybody's still talking about you.
But your three-week-old scandal
is ancient news.
-Hear the dirt that happened over break?
-Who would I have heard it from, Dorota?
Well, after much-concerted effort...
...Mya finally made it
into Brodie Jenner's cell phone. Ugh.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Oh, and Connie's dad
moved her entire family back to Israel.
Yeah.
And Constance's bad-girl-turned-good
Serena van der Woodsen...
...moved in with Chuck Bass.
So you're thinking this whole thing
could have blown over by now?
Come on.
That too.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
[SIGHS]
[MURMURING]
Don't worry, B.
GOSSIP GIRL:
The French revolution had cake.
Come on, let's go.
The American revolution had tea.
But looks like the overthrow
of Blair Waldorf, well....
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
Who said you need a silver spoon
to dole out just desserts?
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Give it up, man.
[BELL RINGS]
Hey, Jenny, can I talk to you
just for a second?
I'll meet up with you guys, okay?
Hey, so I may have told Blair you
told me the truth about her and Chuck...
...and I'm sure
she didn't react well to that...
...but you don't know
what you're dealing with here.
-Oh. I'm not scared of Blair, Nate.
-No, I'm not talking about--
I'm talking about your new circle.
They've been friends with Blair forever
and look what they're doing to her.
I mean, you fall out of line, what
do you think's gonna happen to you?
-Well, then I won't fall out of line.
-I'm not saying you're gonna....
Look, it's just,
you're not like those girls, Jenny.
That's weird, since they're my friends...
...you'd think we have
some stuff in common.
Okay.
Well, I will give you this.
You've got good aim.
[EXHALES]
I know this is hard,
but you can't let them beat you.
You're Blair Waldorf, remember?
Right. Right.
These are my steps and I'm not going
to relinquish them without a fight.
Though it would be helpful if maybe
there was one more person in our crowd.
Only old people and children
and, ugh, there's Chuck.
With a blond mini-Chuck.
He's trying to t*rture me.
-I can't believe it.
-I know.
Does little J actually think
that she's anything but their lackey?
[GIGGLING]
-Hey.
-Hey.
So since when does Nate Archibald have
so much to say to Jenny Humphrey?
Why? You guys don't like him?
Penelope's only had a historic crush
on him since the 20th century.
Since you and Nate are so tight,
maybe you can broker that.
Yeah, maybe.
They what?
They're taking her out to dinner
for her birthday.
Table service at Socialista.
So Jenny Humphrey is officially
being inscribed on the A-list.
Wait, how do you know this?
Because they invited me,
but I said no out of deference to you.
I just thought I could have dinner
with her and Dan and the whole family.
How do you manage
to get out of everything unscathed?
Because I'm nice.
You should try it sometime.
Come on, compliment me.
Tell me my hair looks beautiful.
But your hair looks disgusting.
Did you even shower?
[CHUCKLES]
B, I say this out of love...
...but your being a b*tch is what got
dairy in your hair in the first place, okay?
Be nice and neutral
and things will swim back to normal.
You're the queen bee,
so just let nature take its course.
I'm going to Model U.N.,
but we're dining tonight.
Butter, 7:00.
I don't know if I can
go out again tonight.
-Why? What are you doing?
-Do we have a reservation?
Yeah, doesn't it take like two weeks
to get a table there?
Not if you slip the maitre'd a hundred.
Oh, and don't forget, J, you owe me.
Um....
You know, I've got a better idea.
What's she doing?
What does she think she's doing?
She's giving you the perfect opportunity
for niceness. Come on.
-No.
-Yes.
Serena, I know you're doing something
with Dan tonight...
...but, Blair, we're going to Butter and I
was wondering if you wanted to join us.
She'd be delighted. Yes, Butter.
-Great.
-Great.
-Very nice.
-Thank you.
DAN:
Mm.
Do you always look this good?
You look so good today.
You look so good to me.
And you smell so clean.
You're not gonna tell me
the Chuck-shower story again.
-No.
-Good.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Dan?
-Chuck, how are you?
-Excellent. Enjoying having family around.
Can you get it over with?
Say whatever pervy thing
you're gonna say and leave?
The wedding caterer
is presenting a tasting to the family.
I was coming to call you to dinner.
-Okay. I'll take off, then.
-No need.
I already asked the staff
to set a place for you.
I have to say
I prefer the chestnut pappardelle.
Yeah, the foie gras is a bit rich.
I'm slanting heavily
towards the venison fellow.
[WHISPERS]
It's fallow.
Fallow. Fallow, exactly. Fallow.
[SERENA CHUCKLES]
-Oh. For me?
-Miss.
-Thank you.
-Who's it from?
I don't know,
but it says "open immediately."
-Do I have to refrigerate it?
-No, it's not from me. I don't know.
Oh, don't put your dirty package
on the table.
If I had a dime
for every time I heard that.
That's enough, Chuck.
Porn and handcuffs? Really?
-Oh, my.
-Wow.
-This is low, Chuck, even for you.
CHUCK: What?
I didn't send this.
-Ahem. If you'll excuse me.
-Could you...?
Oh, yeah, my pleasure.
It's not-- That's not what I--
I didn't mean that.
It's trash, I'll throw it out.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
GOSSIP GIRL:
Spotted: Blair Waldorf alone at Butter.
I'm sorry, miss, but it looks like
your friends aren't coming.
Humiliated, party of one.
[GIRLS LAUGHING]
Can't you just picture her sitting there?
Every time someone comes in the door,
"It's not them. No, not them."
Not going to Butter is so much better
than going to Butter.
My new Nanette Lepore
for Jenny's birthday.
-Gorgeous.
-Wow.
-Right.
-What's the birthday girl wearing?
Oh. I'm still deciding
between two dresses at Bergdorf's.
-I thought you said Bendel's.
-Bendel's, right.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Oh, it's my dad.
-Is, are you wearing your black Chanel?
JENNY: Hello?
Which one?
You know I never wear the same
thing twice. Mommy taught me well.
-Hey, Dad.
RUFUS: You missed dinner, kiddo.
Oh, yeah, I'm studying at Hazel's
and I guess I lost track of time.
I'm not mad.
I just feel I haven't seen you in a while.
We haven't even
discussed your birthday.
I was gonna do something
with my friends.
Oh. That's great, honey.
But since I have nothing to wear,
I don't think that's happening anymore.
If you wanna be with friends, we can
do the family thing over the weekend.
Sweetheart?
Yeah, I'll be home soon, Dad.
Okay, bye.
-Hello. Hi.
-Oh.
No check, honey, the drink's on us,
unless you want something else.
Yes, another Bellini, the seared squab...
...and a bus person
to separate the tables, please.
Okay.
GOSSIP GIRL:
One may be the loneliest number.
MAN [OVER PHONE]:
Information. City and state, please.
Brooklyn. I think that's in New York.
GOSSIP GIRL: But sometimes
only the lonely can play.
Wake up, little Jenny, the b*tch is back.
I thought you said
you didn't have anything else.
Well, I found some stuff
in the back of my closet.
Mm-hm.
Do you wanna go with cash again...
...or do you wanna buy
your sewing machine back?
Neither.
I want that dress.
Honey, this is $1200.
Well, this one's quite lovely.
Yeah, well, that's more my color.
Hmm.
I say we take the jet to Croatia...
...where Eric can exploit
the lesser age of consent.
-I'm invited to the bachelor party?
-Please.
And then head west to Monte Carlo
for some all-night cards at Metropole...
...and swing by Giza just to watch
the sun come up over the pyramids.
What do you think, father?
I think we're here.
-See you at home, Bart. Heh.
-Chuck will catch up in a minute.
You almost ruined things
between me and Lily once before.
-I'm not gonna let that happen again.
-What are you talking about?
I'm talking about that stunt you pulled.
I didn't send Serena that package...
...and quite frankly, her violated
Virgin Mary act is getting pretty old.
I thought making you my best man
would help.
What is that supposed to mean?
Inspire you to value my happiness
above your own childish agenda.
Things seem to be working out for you
at that club, Victrola.
I'm thinking you might like me
to invest more in the place.
So you can have more control.
In exchange for good behavior,
of course.
You're bribing me.
So we have a deal, then?
[CAR DOOR OPENS]
SERENA: Why aren't you at school?
BLAIR: I'm taking the morning off.
Volunteering to help
those less fortunate than myself.
Wow, you're in a good mood.
Butter with the girls
must've gone well last night.
I didn't go, actually.
Why not?
I figure they should work a little harder
for my forgiveness.
Dan's not hanging out
in Brooklyn again this morning.
He's with you at school, right?
No, not yet, but he'll be here soon, why?
Just tell him I say hi.
Okay.
Hi. Jenny's dad?
We met briefly at Thanksgiving.
Yeah. Hi.
I've got three cases of champagne
for Serena van der Woodsen.
Oh, no, no. I'm Serena van der Woodsen,
but those aren't mine.
Well, the purchase order
never lies, salut.
[STUDENTS CLAMORING, LAUGHING]
ISABEL:
She must have been so angry.
Hey, guys, I just got
this incredible Dolce. You wanna see?
It's unbelievable. You can't
turn your back in your own house.
-What are you talking about?
-My mother's Valentino was stolen.
-Oh, my God.
-It was made especially for her.
It was the same year he did
Jackie O's lace wedding mini.
Well, did someone break in?
No, and the maid swore to the police she
didn't take it but she'll probably get fired.
Wait, police? For a dress?
It's worth like $15,000.
If she returned it,
they could work something out.
Like she'll bring it back.
Well, you never know.
I mean, it could turn up.
Right, because, really,
where's she gonna wear it?
I'm really glad,
because when I spoke to her...
...she said the plans with the girls
fell through.
Nope.
-Tell you the truth, I didn't believe her.
-Why?
I thought she was just conflicted
about choosing friends over family.
Well, you know that's the biggest
struggle with a girl her age.
Memory doesn't serve--
Trying to reconcile who you're becoming
with who you used to be.
She's been running herself ragged,
Mr. Humphrey.
Straddling two worlds.
I know she was running herself ragged
trying to get into one of those worlds...
...picking up dry-cleaning,
gowns for masked ba*ls.
Well, it's no easier once you're in.
She needs some relief.
Well, then, that's what she'll get.
Whatever I can do to help.
[BELL CHIMES]
Oh, thank God. Betty? Hi, excuse me.
Would you pardon me
for a moment, please?
I need to trade back.
You can keep the scarf and shoes but
I need to give you this for the red one.
Well, honey, I'm sorry,
but that's just not gonna be possible.
What? Why?
When you leave here with an item,
you're agreeing to its value.
The Dolce sold at 1200.
The Valentino-- Ha-ha.
--is seven times that.
This has sentimental value
and I didn't realize--
No, I'm sorry.
A couple of hours ago, this dress was
mine. It doesn't even have tags on it yet.
Look, it's not my fault that you
don't know what a Valentino's worth.
[SIGHS]
[DIALING]
[SNIFFLES]
[LINE RINGS]
Hello?
-Nate, it's Jenny.
-What's going on?
I wouldn't be calling you
if I had anyone else to turn to...
...but I made a mistake
and I need to borrow some money.
Wait, wait, Jenny, just slow down.
-I promise I'll pay you back.
-Is everything okay?
Yeah, I just--
I made a mistake and I need to fix it.
-Well, how much?
-Eight thousand dollars.
Eight thousand dollars?
Jenny, what do you need
that kind of money for?
You know what? Forget it.
I'm sorry I bothered you.
[SIGHS]
GOSSIP GIRL: The price of fitting in
may have gotten a little steeper...
...but little J still knows
it's what's underneath that counts.
[DOOR OPENS]
WOMAN: Here's the second choice
for the centerpiece.
LILY: We could put this one
on a Mylar tablecloth...
...and pretend it's a bar mitzvah.
Let's go back to the more
understated style.
-Oh, there you are.
-I have a date with Dan.
Could you excuse us? Thank you.
Say something worse
than the bar mitzvah remark?
I think we should talk
about any feelings...
...you might be having
about my upcoming marriage.
Okay, but you're asking me
this now because...?
Because I got a call
from your headmistress...
...who said that there was something
about a case of alcohol.
[SCOFFS]
Well, I thought you may be acting out.
Right, Mom. I actually woke up
this morning and I thought:
"Hmm. I'm uncertain
about my mother's wedding.
Why don't I invite
the entire junior class...
...out to the courtyard
for a champagne toast?"
You have pulled things like this before.
Obviously, Chuck's master plan
is working.
I can't believe you think Chuck
is doing this.
Looking good to everyone in my life
isn't enough for him.
He has to make me look bad or crazy.
Well, Chuck may be eccentric,
but I doubt he's diabolical.
What's he done now?
I'll tell you what he's done.
ALL:
Surprise!
[BLOWS PARTY HORN]
-Wow.
-Happy birthday, Jenny.
Dad, I can't believe you did all this.
And Blair's here.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
This is so great that all of you are here
in my house.
I should go change.
You got it?
-I don't think she was surprised.
-What's Blair doing here?
-I don't know. This party's kind of weird.
-Weird?
It's time for its induction
to the birthday hall of lame.
ISABEL: So not what I pictured when
the guy on the phone said loft party.
Can't believe we gave up our table
for this. Mint mojitos at Socialista.
Mint Milanos with Jenny's dad.
-He's kind of a hottie.
-Yeah, a hottie dad.
-How long do we have to stay?
-Rice Krispy treats?
DAN: Oh.
SERENA: Heh-heh.
You can't believe how mad Bart was.
Yes, I can because you've told me
about three times.
I wonder what they're gonna do.
I wish I could see his face.
I've got some stories too.
About seeing my mother for
the first time since she left at Christmas.
-I'm the worst girlfriend.
-You're not.
There's the funny visit to my grandma,
at the old folks' home.
Two women, a sponge bath
and a bedpan.
[LAUGHS]
I'm sorry, you're right.
I wanna be here right now, with you.
-And Nate.
-What?
-Hey, guys.
-Hey.
Sorry to interrupt.
Your mom told me you guys were here.
Could I speak with you for one second?
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Okay.
-Have you spoken with your sister today?
-No, why? What's wrong?
I don't know. She called me.
She was freaked out, didn't know where
to turn, she asked to borrow $8000.
-What? Why?
-I don't know.
I tried to get her to tell me what was
going on, but she wouldn't say anything.
Please, Dad, just get out, okay?
I need to change.
Honey, can't you tell me
what's going on?
Nothing, Dad, okay? Just leave.
Why are you crying? Are you upset?
No, can't we just talk about this later?
I really just need to get out of this dress.
-Aah! It's stuck.
-Okay, all right.
Just help me, okay? Help me get it off.
-Jenny, you have to calm down.
-No. Hurry up.
-Did you get it?
-I need a pair of pliers.
Dad.... Ugh.
[KNOCKS]
-Sorry, we were looking for our wraps.
-I'll get them.
Oh, my God. That's my mother's dress.
No, you guys.
I got this at Resurrection.
Remember I was telling you
about the dress I bought?
Her mother's one-of-a-kind Valentino
that happened to disappear?
She must have given it away
and forgotten or something.
Are you calling my daughter a thief?
-Wha--?
-Excuse me.
This feels private,
so I'm gonna head out now.
I have a table at Butter.
Reservation's under Waldorf
in case there's an after party.
GOSSIP GIRL: Spotted: Jenny in a red
dress with the red hands to match.
Looks like Utter Disgrace
is the name on the label.
Blair said they told you
the original party had fallen through...
...so that they could surprise you
with a better one.
Blair's a liar. You got played.
She also said you were afraid the girls
wouldn't accept everything about you.
She knew you were wrong...
...and she wanted you to feel
like you had nothing to be ashamed of.
Is that a lie too?
[SIGHS]
Where did you get the dress?
And I know you didn't make it
because your sewing machine is gone.
[SNIFFLES]
[CRYING]
You have no idea how hard it is, Dad.
-I sold my sewing machine, okay?
-What?
-Yeah, and a lamp and some jewelry.
-Why?
Because I had to.
You think you can just send me off
to school...
...with a plaid skirt and a MetroCard
and everything will be okay.
I am not apologizing for not having
a private plane for you, Jenny.
[SIGHS]
You think I'm ashamed
of where I come from?
No, Dad, what I'm ashamed of
is having to bring...
...a brown-bagged lunch to school...
...and eat it in the bathroom,
and then go out with my friends...
...and pretend I'm not hungry
when I go to lunch with them.
You don't have to do
those things, Jenny.
You're making a choice.
What don't you get?
Do you want me to choose
to have no friends?
Or clearly, I mean, that's not even a
choice anymore because that's just done.
NATE:
I should probably get back now.
So thank you for staying with me
while I hid out from my house of horrors.
-No problem.
-So you think Jenny will be all right?
Yeah, Dan's a good guy.
He'll take care of her.
You are too, you know, a good guy.
A forgiving guy who can't pit himself
against Blair forever.
[CHUCKLES]
-Good night.
-I'm sorry.
You gave me an opening
I couldn't resist.
-I'm just saying.
NATE: How you doing?
Good night.
Hey, where have you been?
-Therapy.
-For four hours?
Well, before I was playing
Wii tennis with Chuck...
...at this guy named Brenforth's house.
-Why are you hanging out with him?
-Brenforth?
Chuck is fun, okay?
He's cool and he doesn't treat me like
some freak that just got out of Ostroff.
Who treats you like that?
Guys at St. Jude's,
the girls at Constance...
...Suke at the Korean deli on 75th street.
-Eric.
-And he's not--
He's not always careful around me, like
one bad thing and I'll break or something.
Besides, I always wanted a brother.
I'm trying it out, you know? Here.
-What's this?
-Chuck said it came for you.
He thought you might wanna open it
out of the house, just in case.
Why didn't he bring it to me?
Because he thought you wanted him
to stay away from you.
Whoa. Is that coke?
How do you like a brother
who uses you as a drug mule?
Serena, I....
-Hey, who turned 12?
-Please, don't rub it in.
Dad, what happened?
Hey.
You okay?
You wanna tell me
why you needed to borrow $8000?
Not really.
I can't believe Nate told you.
Well, he was worried about you...
...that you might be turning
into some hideous, upraised cyborg.
-He said that?
-No, no. I did.
Heh.
I just got in way over my head.
You know, I thought I could
trade the dress...
...and wear it for a night and return it.
I just....
Look...
...it's your birthday, so I think
we should get some ice cream...
...and we can talk
about all this stuff later, okay?
Okay.
I'll just let Dad know
what we're gonna do.
Jen, you have so much more to offer
than the things that those girls have.
Really, you've got so much more
to bring to the table.
You just need to find a way
to believe that.
Okay?
-What the hell's your problem?
-Specify the context.
You disgust me, Chuck.
How dare you involve Eric
in something like this?
No wonder you're friendless,
girlfriendless.
Even your own father
expects the worst from you.
Well, you saw to that.
If we're gonna exist under the same roof,
I am laying down some house rules.
No need, princess.
Bart already kicked me out.
-What?
-I'm moving back to my suite.
Bart thought it would be best if the
family bonded without me for a while.
[CLASSIC'S "ON THE RUN" PLAYING]
There's a line outside.
You ready to give up your table yet?
No, my party's coming.
[LOUDER]
They're coming.
These seats taken?
GOSSIP GIRL:
Any good general knows...
...you never let your soldiers
see you sweat.
Looks like this battle's ending at Butter,
and the win belongs to B.
Victory is sweet.
I don't want Jenny leaving
this house soon.
I know, Dad, but it's her birthday
and I kind of promised her.
Since you don't make the decisions...
...she'll have to take that
with a grain of salt.
Okay, I'm sorry. What're you gonna do?
-Keep her locked up?
-I don't know.
[SIGHS]
Last week, Aspen, this week, prison?
Yeah, well, spring break is over
for everyone, including myself.
I really took my eye off the ball.
So, what do you wanna do?
Why don't we just celebrate 15
with some Jenny cake in the kitchen?
Okay. All right, I'll go tell her.
So, Jen....
-She's gone.
-What?
She's not in there. She's gone.
[SIGHS]
[DIALING]
[BUZZING]
Hey, I'm sorry for calling you
like that earlier.
I'm so embarrassed.
-I mean, it was stupid and inappropriate.
-No, no, no.
Listen, I'm just glad you're okay.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
Okay, well, I do have a favor to ask you.
I mean, it's not money, but I just really
don't wanna be alone on my birthday.
[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
-Here you are.
-Oh, for me? Thank you.
Oh, my God.
-Yeah, I know.
-What's wrong?
Nothing.
I'll be back.
[KYLIE MINOGUE'S
"RIPPIN' UP THE DISCO" PLAYING]
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Ugh.
I'm going to the bar.
-What?
-Bar!
We'll be right back.
-Where are all the hot guys?
-I don't know.
They don't exactly serve tea
and cupcakes here, Jenny.
-Twenty minutes.
-Is this really happening?
Penelope, you know Nate, right?
-Of course. Hi.
-Hi.
NATE:
How are you? Good to see you again.
[THE KILLS' "SOUR CHERRY" PLAYING]
Hazel, I think maybe your mom
did give away that Valentino.
Yeah, she is always cleaning out
her closet...
...and that Ativan can really play
with her memory.
[TV PLAYING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hey.
I'm really sorry, Chuck.
I know it wasn't you
who sent me that stuff.
GOSSIP GIRL: Never thought I'd say this,
but it turns out Chuck Bass is innocent.
So who did send S
all those naughty gifts?
Why don't I make you a drink?