2x09 - There Might Be Blood

[bunniefuu]

Gossip girl here-- Your one and only source into the scandalous lives Of manhattan's elite.

You confided in Dan and even Blair.

Everyone but me.

So that's it? We can't even be friends? Well, we were never really friends, remember? Hope you don't mind, but we've,we've got a lodger.

Make yourself at home.

Have you seen my sketchbook? Whoa, sorry! Oh, my god.

Yale is your dream, And you deserve to go here more than I do.

You can't share this.

We'll find a way.

I'm gonna give you a second chance.

If you can tell me the fate of cecil the caterpillar, I will go out with you.

I just realized that i-i do know Aaron.

We went to summer camp together.

We got married.

There was a small ceremony with licorice Rings.

You should do your own clothing line I can model them.

Max will do some photos.

That guy was taking adVantage of you.

You are not my father, and you are not my brother So why do you care so much? Can I at least have my dress back? You touch this dress, you will never set foot in here again Spotted at minh--jenny humphrey buying 16 yards of tulle.

But since when does Eleanor Waldorf Pay for her purchases with a penny jar? They say a stitch in time saves nine.

Will it save little j.

? We are going to blow them away.

We better, otherwise I am so dead.

Dude, have you seen the time? At least your brother and the lodger Went to go see a movie.

Yeah, that's Nate avoiding me once again.

He's still acting like He didn't stick his tongue down your throat? Yeah.

Ew.

Well, amnesia doesn't really happen till after sex with guys, So what's his problem? I don't know.

He used to date Vanessa? I'm Dan's little sister? Too young? I wouldn't know.

We don't talk.

So what? After tonight you'll be so famous, You'll have ten Nate archibalds.

Yeah, except I only want the one.

Okay, fine, then you have to make the move.

That's the only way it's gonna work.

Oh, my god.

Is that the time? I told you.

Okay, yeah.

You need to sew way faster, 'cause we are so screwed.

'cause ready or not, We're putting on a fashion show.

I just--i think they're up to something, man With their closed doors and this private thing for Eleanor.

Jenny--she didn't say anything to you? Uh, no, no.

But we haven't talked much this week, so She seemed weirdly happy that we were leaving the house Like how much privacy does she really need To watch "project runway" and eat pizza? Oh, oh.

Hold on a second.

Ooh, it's Jordan.

Who? The, uh, you know, the t.

A.

From yale.

She was trying to get me a recommendation? You--you hooked up with her.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Jordan.

Oh, it's good to be Nate.

"i had three professors read your stories.

I'll call you later.

" hey, that sounds like good news.

Good? No.

It means she had the first one read it.

He didn't like it.

Neither did the second, And after the third, she probably just gave up.

And why text before calling if you don't need To soften the blow? Or she was somewhere she couldn't talk, So she sent a text.

With an imagination like that, you should be a writer.

Hey, where are you going? I-i can't concentrate on a movie right now.

I-i-i gotta--i gotta go home and stare at my phone.

Maybe you could talk to jenny, figure out what's going on.

Yeah, sounds like a great idea.

My father went to yale, And I've wanted to go there ever since I was a little girl.

How nice.

So, Serena, tell me about karl Lagerfeld's birthday party.

Oh, it--it was fun But did you know Blair's mother is a designer? You know, when dean Berube suggested I meet with you, I had no idea you would be such a delight.

Yes, thank you.

Bye.

Oh, excuse me.

My husband's on his way out.

Malchus, this is Serena Van der Woodsen.

Good afternoon.

Uh, hi, and best friend Blair Waldorf.

Pleased to meet you.

What am I doing here? Liz and her husband are both prominent yale donors And good friends with the dean.

Well, Just like their good friend the dean They only have eyes for you.

Come on, B.

, you can do this.

Yale is your dream Just stop cracking your knuckles.

Well, as pleasant as this has been, I'm afraid I'm going to have to run.

My husband's off to his business dinner, And before I meet my friends from bryn mawr, I have to order room service for my daughter.

Oh, no.

She's gonna be here by herself all night Oh, Emma doesn't mind.

As long as she has her harry potter book And a bowl of ice cream, she's happy as a clam.

Uh, no, Blair will take her to a movie.

I-i would take her myself, But I've got something with my family, so Why, Emma would love that.

You sure you don't mind? Emma, dear? Come here.

Anything for the friends of dean Berube.

Yes, mother? Serena's friend Blair.

Yes, would like to take you to a movie.

Oh, thank you.

This is gonna be fun.

Hello.

Hey.

Um, what are you doing here? Uh, I just had a meeting with the collector.

So did you figure out Cecil the caterpillar.

Camp Suisse.

We got married and exchanged licorice rings.

And you ate your five minutes after the ceremony.

Yeah.

When did you finally remember? Um, About the time you were speeding away with a gir On the back of your motorcycle.

Audra.

Yeah, she's just a friend.

No, I recognized you the moment you walked In the gallery.

No, you didn't, but it's okay Some faces you don't forget.

Um You know, I have this charity gala.

It's actually here, and I wouldn't normally go, But my mom's being honored and my brother's out of town, And I'm rambling, but I was wondering I'm late! I know.

I was thinking maybe we could, uh Mm.

I'm sorry.

Hey, uh, maybe in another nine years.

What was that about? Jenny, come on.

The Van is almost here.

Eleanor's going to k*ll herself after tonight.

I know.

I just have a few more things to do.

Dan? What are you doing here? I spy with my little eye someone getting busted.

Is my mom gone? Yes.

So what kind of movies do you like? Something where the animals sing or Oh, sweet heaven.

So muffy mcdonough's been bragging About how she's gonna lose her virginity 'cause she finally landed a date with the lacrosse captain.

They call him "the de-virginator.

" Oh, my god.

Stop your mouth from moving.

But now that I finally have the night away from mom and dad, We'll see who's first.

I'm saying t.

T.

F.

N.

To my you know what.

Ormaybe we'll see how your mom feel About your little clearance sale, lohan.

Please.

I heard you talking about getting into yale.

Well, dean Berube is, like, my uncle, So help me or I tell him how you took me to a club And got me wasted.

Rumor has it that Lady b.

's been outfoxed by a young fox Got a credit card, fake i.

D.

, and I want bacardi and a boy.

This body's open for business.

It seems only one ivory tower has been stormed tonight.

You quit Eleanor's? I had to.

She was using me.

Does dad know about it? No, of course dad doesn't know.

What am I saying? You haven't been shipped off To a convent yet.

Hey, Dan, just take it easy.

Nate, look, I'm sorry, but this is none of your Business.

Dan, I promise I'll tell dad everything tomorrow I just--i really need tonight.

I've worked so hard.

For--for what? What is this Stop! We're putting on a guerilla Fashion show.

I don't know what that means Okay.

These dresses--i made them.

And--and Agnes and her friends are gonna model.

Please, Dan.

Tonight's the one chance I have to show everyone what I can do.

IVan, I swear if that Van's not here in ten minutes, You're not getting those photos of me.

Are we busted now or what? Dan, please.

I just need a few hours.

Then I'll tell dad everything.

All right.

I, uh, i-i just need to think.

Well, you finally did it-- Made absolutely sure I'm never gonna Get into yale.

What are you talking about Little Emma--turns out she's less holly hobbie And more jenna jameson.

Can you speak plainly? She's determined to become a woman on my watch, And if I don't help pimp her out, she's gonna Character-assassiNate me to the dean.

I don't understand.

I thought she liked ice cream and magic Next time leave the scheming to the experts.

What are those? Pictures from camp Suisse Aaron dressed up as cecil the caterpillar.

I bumped into him outside the palace.

The guy gave you a ring pop when you were Ancient, unimportant history.

Focus, Serena.

You got me into this, and I'm not losing yale Because of that little tart's libido.

Why don't you just occupy her for a while Take her to the charity gala.

When you get there, You can say you didn't know how lame it would be.

Then it's time for her to go home.

You're off the hook.

So I checked out "gossip girl," And I'm thinking we hit socialista Before beatrice.

See what I'm dealing with Emma, I was thinking, where is the glory In bedding down with some dirty manhattan hipster Who's probably filming you on the nanny cam? You really want to make muffy jealous? Have your flower plucked by one of the elite.

And where would I find someone like that? Luckily, we know the place.

But you're gonna have to pay a visit to my closet first.

Sorry.

Thing about a caf?- people weirdly want service.

Come on, v.

, what-- what am I gonna do? You gotta give me something here.

She's telling your dad tomorrow, And whatever this whole fashion show thing is, It sounds like she put a lot of work into it.

So we--we all just cover for her--you, me, Nate Don't lump me with Nate.

He's your friend.

Are--are we ever gonna talk about this? He was living there with no electricity, No furniture-- you did the right thing Which is why you haven't been to the loft since he moved in.

Just tell me.

Do you still have feelings for him? Nate hates me.

That's not what I asked.

Nate and I tried.

It didn't work.

End of story.

I'm just saying, if you like him, You should tell him, 'cause Nate is a good guy.

It's funny how you're ready to condemn your sister, But Nate, who's done some pretty questionable things, Gets a free pass.

I get she lied-- no.

No.

It's not about the lying.

I-i don't want her to get in trouble.

What if she's about to make a huge, life-altering mistake, And I don't stop her? Who's about to make a huge mistake? Well, what do we have here? Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Chuck.

Bass.

Oh, my god.

I read about you on "gossip girl.

" You're-- you're like the devil.

Finally some truth in advertising.

Headed out, are we? Serena, Blair and I are going to the gala.

Hope you're coming? Well, I'm all for company on a saturday night, But the only thing I like that aged is my scotch.

What? It's old people? Blair told me it was all hot guys.

Sounds to me like you're being taken for a ride Well, how about you take me for a ride instead? Buckman, could you pass this to miss Serena? It was with the concierge.

Looks like you've just hooked yourself a Bass.

You look beautiful.

Can we go now? Patience, love.

The sooner we get there, the sooner the jig is up.

I'll go check on the vestal virgin.

Left at the concierge, miss.

Thank you.

Well-played, cecil.

She's gone! Who? Who do you think? Emma! Jenny, you should wait for Dan.

No, there's no time.

This is my one chance I have To prove that I can be a designer.

Otherwise it's back to being little j.

At constance, Except worse this time, because everyone's gonna know I failed.

And since when are you so worried? You haven't spoken two words to me all week.

Careful, guys! Those are couture! Hey, why do you keep eating those pot brownies? You know sugar makes you spaz.

Jenny, Come on.

I mean, you know it's complicated Do you care about me? Prove it.

Come with me.

Maybe I should drive.

Okay, guys, come on! This train wagon is on the move! Is that Nate? Hey! Hey, stop! Stop! Wow.

A real limo.

This is so perfect.

Uh, by the way, my name is-- Let's not ruin it with talking.

Fine.

Spotted-- Bass taking the bait Straight to business then.

Jailbait, that is.

Text him.

I've texted him six times.

Well, text him again before he screws that girl And any other chance that I had of getting Into yale! I put out an a.

P.

B.

On "gossip girl With Emma's facebook picture on it.

Every girl in manhattan will be on the lookout.

Chuck! You! What did you do with her? Hey! She assaulted me, demanded I deflower her.

Oh, limos and virgins, your specialty.

Just so you know, while there are few things I consider sacred, the back of the limo is one of them.

When she realized she couldn't ride this thoroughbred, She bolted.

Last time I saw her, she was heading in a cab downtown.

Hey, is just texted me-- she said the Bartender at 1oak Says e.

Boardman just used her credit Card there.

She didn't waste any time.

Come on I can't go.

I have my mom's thing.

What? No! You're coming.

You owe me, both of you! Come on! Jenny, what are we doing here at the palace? This is the new york philanthropic society's Annual gala.

I know.

I'm no fashion expert, but shouldn't the people Seeing your show be, like, Not friends with my mom? We're looking for financial backers Everyone is gonna be here tonight-- Fortune 500 c.

E.

O.

S, lvmh, ppr, hearst.

We're looking for people with money who can get us press.

Well, looks like you've done your homework, but-- I have.

Sometimes the ends have to justify the means.

Here.

I pulled you a suit on the way out.

It would really mean a lot to me if you stayed.

I don't see her.

I'll talk to the Bartender.

You have to admit, the licorice ring was sweet.

Look, even if you're just being literal, I don't want to hear another word about your albatross Until we find mine.

There she is.

Oh, my god.

Look.

Looks like you got nailed, just not in the way you wanted.

Give me time.

Serge and I were just moving the party over to His place.

"serge"? Honestly, how tacky are you Okay, you guys, let's go.

Come on.

Serena! Hey, you should have called.

Scott, hey.

Don't worry.

I have a table for you.

Wait! Wait! No! Get out of my--stop her! Emma! Excu--ew! Oh, my god.

Excuse me, miss.

Can I have your name, please? Uh, yeah, it's Erica.

Erica Van der Woodsen.

Sometimes they leave off the "a.

" My--my parents are the, uh, the guests of honor.

Oh.

Okay, thanks.

What am I doing? Jenny? Hi, mrs.

Bass.

Congratulations.

I didn't, uh, I didn't know you were receiving an award.

It's really Uh, really It's really great.

Well, thank you.

Um, honestly, I hate being the center of attention, But, um So, um, who are you here with? Oh, well, uh She's with me.

Oh! Yeah, my mom couldn't make it, and, um, She asked me to fill in, so I invited jenny.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Have you seen Serena? No, I haven't, actually.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Do you want to get something to drink? Yeah, that'd be great.

Thank you.

Excuse us.

My god, you're shaking.

Yeah, I didn't--i didn't know that lily and Bart Were getting an award, and I'm about to ruin the night Of--of people who've only ever been Nice to me, Nate.

Then just forget about it You don't have to go through with it.

There are other ways.

No.

Have you not heard anything I've said, Nate? This is it.

Tonight's all I have.

Nate, I don't even know You kissed me again.

I know.

So does that mean you don't regret last week? I guess not.

Jenny, whatever you decide, I'm with you.

Okay.

Move! I lost her out front in the crowd of identical couples.

Their cab is probably halfway to serge's by now, If she even waits that long.

She's not answering her phone.

Well, congratulations, s.

, for ruining my future again.

Me? I'm sorry.

Who came up with the idea Of me babysitting my way into yale? You wouldn't have had another chance with the dean If it hadn't been for me.

Oh, right, you're such a celebrity.

"miss Van der Woodsen, your pillows are being fluffed In the v.

I.

P.

Section.

" kittens, please.

I found her table.

You're behind the plot, Bass.

She already left.

The Bartender says she's in the corner booth.

E.

Boardman? ELizabeth.

That's not Emma.

That's her mother, And that's not her father.

Oh, my god.

It seems the saying's true-- Like mother, like daughter.

Or is it the other way around? Oh, she's cool.

Don't worry.

This is stewart.

He's in love with me.

Uh, isn't he gonna get fired for this? Yeah, well, he was gonna quit anyway To be a professional gamer.

Oh, I have to check on the models.

Stewart, take this.

Do not do anything gross to my friend.

If you'd just come to me sooner-- Never mind we don't know where she is.

We don't even know what she's doing.

I know, dad.

I'm sorry.

I-i just-- She's still not picking up.

Did you try Nate? I did already.

His phone's off.

Oh, I should've known better.

I should never have trusted her What? Spotted at the palace-- Nate archibald and little j.

What is it? Um, "gossip girl.

" they're at the palace.

Let me see.

There's nothing to see.

Let's just go.

Let's get out of here now.

We hear lonely boy's b.

F.

F.

Still carries a torch for Nate.

If she finds out about little sister, Wonder who'll get burnt.

Come--come on.

You're a cab.

Do that weaving thing.

Dad, dad, dad.

It's okay.

We're gonna find her, all right? At least she's with Nate.

He'll watch out for Her.

He couldn't have known about this, right I gotta think Nate would've said something.

Don't be so sure.

Nate didn't know.

He would never keep that from us.

We don't know what Nate would do, Vanessa.

His morals are questionable at best.

Who--who would've thought that he'd date both you And a certain lady? And by "lady," I mean older, and by "date," I mean-- What's he talking about? Nothing.

What is up with you? What happened to, "if you like him, tell him.

Nate's a good guy"? Are you saying--you're saying you do like Him? Are you saying that he's not a good guy Sounds like you still like him.

Is that jenny? No, it's--no, it's Jordan, The t.A.

From yale who will have to wait.

Come on.

You gotta be kidding me! You're letting the mister softee truck pass us? Come on.

Here.

Dad, that's a $1.

Whoa.

Are you sure jenny's here? Yeah.

What is this? A private party, sir.

If you're not on the list, I'm afraid I can't let you in.

I'm just here to find my daughter, so-- Rufus? What are you doing here? I-it's fine.

Okay.

I'm--i'm gonna go look for Nate.

He's taller and easier to spot.

I'm gonna look for jenny.

Thanks.

Uh But--well--is jenny okay? I saw her earlier.

What--what's going on? I was about to ask that myself.

Rufus.

Bart, hello.

I need to find my daughter, So if you see her, hold onto her, would you? Congratulations.

What? I didn't invite him.

Let's go get a drink.

Thank you, god, so much.

I won't let you down.

Chuck's seeing if the doorman knows Emma's guy.

Why? Who cares about him? Blair, no.

This poor little girl's mother is having an affair.

No wonder she's acting out.

So? This is my golden ticket.

You are not blackmailing that woman to get into yale.

Serena, open your eyes! This is a sign from god.

He wants me to do this.

This family needs help.

Well, no argument there.

They're even more screwed up than yours.

So humbert humbert's name is serge Grodanz.

His father plays tennis at the club.

I know where his building is.

Let's go.

I'm going over there.

You know, I'm--i'm late for the gala.

My mom's texting me.

Look, do whatever you want, Blair, But please save Emma first.

Fine.

We'll save Little red riding hood from the big bad wolf.

But after that, it's bulldog, bulldog, rah, rah, rah! I'm trusting you.

You have any bright ideas? As a matter of fact, one.

Dan.

Hey.

Whoa.

What are you doing? What am I doing? What are you doing? Or is this not you with my 15-year-old sister? Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, just calm down.

We took you into our house, Nate.

Look, Dan, it's not like I planned on it, all right Okay, things just happen.

I'm sorry.

Come on.

She's a sophomore.

I'm a senior.

Don't act like I'm some creepy older guy.

No, you're the guy who traded sex for money.

Oh, my god.

Vanessa.

It's amazing I don't want you with my little sister.

Okay, look, I'm sorry I didn't say anything about jenny, okay? But you have no right to judge me.

Where is she? Look, I don't even know.

She went off to find Agnes.

Do you want me to come help you find her? No, I don't want your help.

I want you to pack up your stuff and get out of our house.

Emma, open up.

Emma? I know you're in there! Go away! Serge is in the bathroom, And when he gets out, There's gonna be one less virgin around Here.

I do have to admire her determination I'm not letting muffy lose hers before me.

She beats me in everything.

Tell her to check "gossip girl.

" Emma? Do you have your phone? Check "gossip girl.

" It's important.

Look, I already told you, nothing's gonna--what?! It says, "muffy's muff gets stuffed.

" does that mean-- That little muffy took her first steps as a woman? Afraid so.

She lost her virginity and her "gossip girl" cherry In the same night? But how did she get on "gossip girl"? It pays to have connections.

Emma? Come here, my little princess.

What? Who are you? Now I feel violated.

Come on.

Piece of advice-- lose the tulip.

Hey, it's Aaron.

Leave a message.

Oh, if this is Serena, that girl at the hotel today-- Not what you think.

I mean, not my girlfriend, If that's what you thought, 'cause I don't have a girlfriend, and I'm rambling.

So, uh, if this isn't Serena, leave a message.

Thank you.

Um, okay, that was the worst message I have ever heard Or the best.

Um, I was just calling to thank you for the ring, But somehow I am finding myself Wanting to give you another chance.

Hello? Hello? Are you calling for Aaron? Yeah.

Hi.

Who's this? Tamara.

Aaron's in the bathroom.

Do you wanna wait, or-- No! Uh, no, no.

Just-- just tell him, um No, just--don't-- don't tell him anything.

I'm sorry.

Cecil, you got me again.

Nate, where are you going? Jenny, I'm sorry.

I gotta go home.

Your brother's here, and he knows.

Wait.

What? Yeah, he saw us kissing on "gossip girl.

" He's here with your dad.

My--no, my dad's here? Jenny, come on.

The models are ready, and we gotta go.

No, no, no.

My dad and my brother are here.

Good.

So they can see how amazing you are with their own eyes Instead of reading it in the papers tomorrow.

I mean, it's not like he's going to k*ll you twice.

Okay.

Wait.

Please.

Nate, please, don't go.

I really need you here.

Please.

Good evening.

May I have your attention, please? Thank you.

As head of the new york philanthropic society, Presenting this award is my favorite duty.

Please join me in congratulating lily and Bart Bass.

Did you find her? No.

Lily and Bart Bass have funded the construction of clinics And hospitals in equatorial guinea, Sri lanka-- My apologies.

There seems to be Some sort of technical difficulty.

It looks great.

Thank you! Oh, my god.

Vanessa! Vanessa, wait! Here, here, here, jenny, jenny.

Stop.

No, just-- It's not your place, okay? No, I have to say something.

No, no.

Stop.

I shouldn't have done that.

I'sorry.

Jenny.

Vanessa! Looks like it's bros before h*s for little j.

Who knew that when her loyalty kicked in, Nate would be kicked out? J humphrey designs! Backers are welcome--whoa.

Get your groping hands off of me, creep.

I cannot believe your sister.

She's taken it to a whole other level.

Yeah, yeah, she has.

She's gotta be around here somewhere.

I'll check the lobby.

You might be upset, but the truth is, This wasn't how you wanted to lose your virginity.

And which venue would you suggest, perhaps? Chuck, I know it wasn't easy Getting "gossip girl" to post that bogus report.

Thank you.

For you, anytime.

I think your little virgin's making a break for it.

Ugh! Emma.

Emma! Wait.

Aren't you done? You won-- You, muffy, my mom.

I'm the only loser.

You still don't get it.

Having sex for the first time shouldn't be Part of a competition to beat muffy the lacross-titute.

It should be with someone you love.

Was your first time with someone you love? Yes.

It was.

And honestly There are better ways of getting your mother's attention.

I told you, this is about muffy.

Please.

I wrote the book on distracted, self-centered mothers.

My mom has never met a single one of my teachers.

She regularly forgets my birthday, And she only comments on my appearance When she has something to criticize.

But you're perfect.

True, and that's why I finally realized It wasn't about me The same way it's not about you.

My mom always says when we come to the city, We're gonna hang out and do mother-daughter things.

It never happens.

So tell her that.

And Can you try to avoid the serges of the world? Thanks, by the way.

That guy was pretty gross.

Uh Hello? Hey, Jordan.

Uh, no, no.

No, no, it's not too late.

Uh, yeah.

I-i saw that.

The three professors.

That's No, i-i know what anemic means.

Uh, all right, well, thank you.

Thank you for trying.

I appreciate it.

Okay.

Is everything okay? Um No.

No, not really.

No, don't-- don't worry about jenny.

She'll probably get in some trouble For disrupting the event, but honestly, I think everyone in there was kind of Relieved.

No, I know.

Jenny will be fine Jenny will be great, because jenny always does What she has to do to get what she wants.

I don't follow.

Tonight my sister alieNated everyone in her life.

But tomorrow she's gonna be in "the new york times.

" I just can't help but wonder If she's the one with all the guts in the family.

Hey, where is this coming from? Nowhere.

Nowhere.

I'm sorry.

The humphreys already spoiled your mom's night.

I don't wanna spoil yours, too.

No, I don't care about this night.

I care about you.

Tell me what's wrong.

Uh I'm not gonna get into yale Or probably any other school with a decent writing program.

No, Dan, that is not true.

No.

I gotta go find my dad.

Thank you.

Good night.

Do you realize what time it is? And look at that dress.

You expect me to believe you went to the movies in that? Mom, please don't.

This isn't her fault.

Bed now.

Bed! Mrs.

Boardman, before you say anything you'll regret-- What was your plan-- take my daughter clubbing And hope she'd plead your case to the dean? I have some bad news for you, miss Waldorf.

From what I've seen, you're not yale material.

Oh, you haven't seen anything yet.

Tell me, did you have a nice time With your bryn mawr friends? What is that supposed to mean? Here.

Let me lend you my phone.

You'll be needing it to make a call to New haven.

Mom, this isn't Blair's fault I told you to go to bed.

Blair was only trying to help me.

You're lecturing me? No wonder I don't want to spend time with you.

Bed! Right now! You were saying? Just Your daughter is a great girl.

You should pay more attention to her.

Soon it'll be too late.

Excuse me, ma'am? Um, did you see a girl come out? She had a blue shirt and dark, curly hair? Jenny.

Dad? Dad, let go of me.

Let go of me, dad.

I'm trying to find Vanessa.

I hope you're proud of yourself You know what? I am.

Because honestly, I achieved everything that I wanted.

Jenny, you can't just go through life Not caring about who you hurt.

Dad, I already have 32 missed calls on my phone, okay And those people aren't calling to tell me how mad they are That I ruined their party.

They're calling to tell me That they like my designs, and they want to Meet me.

Well, those people are not your father And speaking for him, I have never been more disappointed.

Hi.

Hi there.

I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Jenny, I think you owe lily an apology.

No, really.

No, no, no.

He's right.

Lily, I'm--i'm really sorry.

Well, honestly, it wasn't the evening I expected, But it was amazing.

The whole thing was inspired.

Okay, I'm just gonna wait over here for a moment.

If you think you're getting away with this tonight, You are dead wrong.

It's too late.

It's done.

Yeah, you're right.

Officer, if you're looking for the person responsible For tonight, this is her.

Dad! Rufus.

You can't be serious.

You're giving me no choice.

It's her number all over the polaroids.

Miss, I'm gonna have to take you to the station.

We'll call your parents from there.

He is my parent-- the one getting me arrested! Officer, my name is lily Bass, and I was the one Being honored this evening, and my husband Also owns this hotel, and we won't be pressing any charges.

Makes my job easier.

Lily, this is none of your business.

I am saving you from making a terrible mistake.

You know what? You guys figure it out.

I'm going home.

Poor jenny--all that glamour almost led to the slammer.

But what will the morning bring? Figured you'd be back at the family manor.

Is this the new minimalism? What the hell is going on? What do you think? I told you we were in trouble.

You didn't tell me it was this bad.

Then again, if it drove you to brooklyn, I guess I should have known.

Brooklyn's over.

I'm going to stay with my mom Don't be so dramatic.

You're coming with me.

No.

I'm not.

B.

, it's time to get up.

There are other schools besides yale--like princeton.

Princeton is a trade school.

There's only yale.

Well, I'm proud of you for not succumbing To your baser instincts.

Hey, even though you might not get into yale, At least this way you won't go to hell.

Blair Waldorf's phone.

Y-yes, dean Berube.

She--she's right here.

What? No! Yes.

Dean Berube.

What a surprise.

Miss Van der Woodsen? You have a visitor.

Yes.

So, uh, I was thinking you, me, assorted breakfast pastries.

How many pastries exactly? Is it just you and me, or is the entire harem Coming along? Yeah, I want to explain yesterday Look, Aaron, the rings were sweet, But I thought about it, And I don't really want to date someone who has a posse.

A posse? Well, in our last two encounters, You've been with two different girls.

Well, one--one was a friend.

So you've said.

And the other one was You know what? No, i-i could explain who Tamara is And why she was at my apartment last night.

The fact is, either you feel something here or you don't.

If you want an excuse not to give this a shot, that's fine.

But ever since you walked into the gallery last week, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.

I even dug up my old camp stuff.

So did i.

Is it too weird to think that maybe fate brought us Back together again? Yes But romantic, too.

Hey, you know what? Forget breakfast.

I've waited nine years.

I think that merits dinner.

You didn't eat that ring, did you? No, not yet.

Good.

It's nine years old.

Wait.

You kept yours? I'll see you tonight.

Oh, my god.

Emma told the dean that I'm the one person Living or dead that she'd most like to have dinner with.

Oh, b.

! And he said that yale Could really use a girl like Blair Waldorf.

Oh, b.

, I'm so happy for you.

Hey, I was just about to we you.

Your, uh, sister stomped out of here At about 6:00 this morning, so it's just the 2 of us.

Did you sleep in that last night? I didn't sleep, actually.

I was up all nigh Finishing this story for Noah Shapiro.

The guy from "the paris review"? Which story? The one about Chuck Bass.

You said you couldn't write that story.

No, I could always write it.

I chose not to.

Dan, just because jenny-- dad, look, The morning after my little sister stage A fashion show that all of new york city Will be talking about is not the time For the "slow and steady" speech.

All right, I'm sorry.

I-i tried it your way.

I wish I could get the two of you to understand That success, people praising you, it goes away.

And when that day comes, If you don't like who you are, you're done.

Well, I guess that's a chance I'm willing to take.

Dan, please.

I have to worry about you now? It's gonna be all I can do to try and reach jenny.

It's a little late for that, dad.

I-i think you need to look in her room.

S.

And b.

Are headed for yale.

Nate's headed out of town, and Dan's headed for trouble.

As for little sister jenny, She's nowhere to be seen.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, gossip girl.

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

GOSSIP GIRL: Spotted at Mood, Jenny
Humphrey buying 16 yards of tulle...

...but since when does Eleanor Waldorf
pay for her purchases with a penny jar?

They say a stitch in time saves nine.
Will it save Little J?

-We are going to blow them away.
-We'd better.

Otherwise, I am so dead.

Have you seen the time?

Your brother and the lodger
went to a movie.

That's Nate avoiding me once again.

Still acting like he didn't
stick his tongue down your throat?

-Yeah. Ew.
-Amnesia doesn't happen till after sex...

...with guys, so what's his problem?

I don't know. He used to date Vanessa.
I'm Dan's sister.

Too young.
I wouldn't know, we don't talk.

So what? After tonight,
you'll be so famous...

-...you'll have 10 Nate Archibalds.
-Except I only want the one.

Fine. Then you have to
make the move.

The only way it's gonna work.
My God, is that the time?

-I told you.
-You need to sew faster.

We're screwed. Ready or not,
we're putting on a fashion show.

I think they're up to something,
with their closed doors...

...and this private thing for Eleanor.
Jenny didn't say anything to you?

No, but we haven't talked much
this week, so--

She seemed happy we were leaving.
How much privacy does she need...

...to watch Project Runway
and eat pizza?

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Oh, hold on. Oh, it's Jordan.

-Who?
-The-- You know, the TA from Yale.

She was trying to get me
a recommendation?

-You hooked up with her.
-Oh, yeah. That's right. Jordan.

Oh, it's good to be Nate.

"Three professors read your stories.
I'll call later."

-Hey, that sounds like good news.
-Good? No.

First one didn't like it,
neither did the second.

After the third,
she probably just gave up.

Why text before calling,
if not to soften the blow?

Or she's somewhere she couldn't talk,
so she sent a text.

With an imagination like that,
you should be a writer.

-Hey, where you going?
-I can't concentrate on a movie.

I gotta go home
and stare at my phone.

Maybe you could talk to Jenny.
Figure out what's going on.

Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.

My father went to Yale.
I've wanted to go since I was a little girl.

How nice. So, Serena, tell me about
Karl Lagerfeld's birthday party.

Oh, it was fun. But did you know
Blair's mother is a designer?

[KNUCKLES CRACKING]

You know, when Dean Berube
suggested I meet you...

...I had no idea
you would be such a delight.

MAN: Yes, thank you. Bye.
LIZ: Oh, excuse me...

...my husband's on his way out.

Malchus, this is
Serena van der Woodsen.

BOARDMAN: Afternoon.
-Hi. My best friend, Blair Waldorf.

Pleased to meet you.

[SIGHS]

What am I doing here?

Liz and her husband are donors
and friends of the dean.

Like the dean,
they only have eyes for you.

Come on, B. You can do this.
Yale is your dream.

Just stop cracking your knuckles.

Well, as pleasant as this has been,
I'm afraid I have to run.

My husband's off. Before I meet
my friends from Bryn Mawr I have to...

-...order room service for my daughter.
-She's gonna be here by herself all night?

Oh, Emma doesn't mind.

As long as she has her Harry Potter
and ice cream...

-...she's happy as a clam.
-No, Blair will take her to a movie.

I would take her myself,
but I've got something with my family.

Why, Emma would love that. You sure
you don't mind? Emma, dear, come here.

[WHISPERS]
Yale.

Anything for the friends
of Dean Berube.

EMMA: Yes, Mother?
-Serena's friend....

-Blair.
-Would like to take you to a movie.

Oh, thank you.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
This is gonna be fun.

Yeah.

Hello.

Hey. What are you doing here?

I just had a meeting with a collector.

-So did you figure out...?
-Cecil the Caterpillar. Camp Suisse.

We got married
and exchanged licorice rings.

You ate yours
minutes after the ceremony.

-When did you finally remember?
-About the time...

...you were speeding away with a girl
on your motorcycle.

Audra. Yeah, she's just a friend.

I recognized you the moment
you walked into the gallery.

-No, you didn't, but it's okay.
-Some faces you don't forget.

Um....

You know, I have this charity gala.

It's here. I wouldn't normally go...

...but my mom's being honored,
and my brother's out of town.

-I'm rambling, but I was wondering if--
-I'm late. I know, I'm sorry.

Hey, maybe in another nine years.

WOMAN:
What was that about?

AGNES: Jenny, come on.
The van is almost here.

Eleanor is going to k*ll herself
after tonight.

JENNY:
I just have a few more things to do.

Dan, what are you doing here?

GOSSIP GIRL: I spy, with my little lie,
someone getting busted.

EMMA: Is my mom gone?
-Yes.

So, what kind of movies do you like?

Something where the animals sing or--?
Oh, sweet heaven.

Muffy McDonough's been bragging about
how she's gonna lose her virginity...

...because she landed a date
with the lacrosse captain.

They call him the De-Virginator.

Oh, my God,
stop your mouth from moving.

Now that I have a night away from
Mom and Dad, we'll see who's first.

I'm saying "ttfn"
to my you-know-what.

Or maybe we'll see how your mom feels
about your little clearance sale, Lohan.

Please. I heard you talking about
getting into Yale.

Dean Berube is like my uncle.

So help me, or I tell him how you
took me to a club and got me wasted.

GOSSIP GIRL: Rumor has it that Lady B's
been outfoxed by a young fox.

Got a credit card, fake ID,
and I want Bacardi and a boy.

This body's open for business.

It seems only one ivory tower
is being stormed tonight.

DAN: You quit Eleanor's?
-I had to. She was using me.

Does Dad know? What am I saying?

You haven't been shipped
to a convent.

-Take it easy.
-This is none of your business.

JENNY:
I promise I'll tell Dad tomorrow.

Just-- I really need tonight.
I've worked so hard.

-For what? What is this?
-Stop. We're putting on...

-...a guerrilla fashion show.
-I don't know what that means.

Okay. These dresses? I made them.

And Agnes and her friends
are gonna model.

Please, Dan. Tonight's the one chance
I have to show everyone what I can do.

Ivan, if the van's not here in 10 minutes
you're not getting those photos of me.

Are we busted now or what?

Dan, please. I just need a few hours.
Then I'll tell Dad everything.

All right, I just need to think.

BLAIR:
Well, you finally did it.

Made sure
I'm never gonna get into Yale.

-What are you talking about?
-Emma?

She's less Holly Hobbie
and more Jenna Jameson.

-Speak plainly?
-She's determined to become a woman...

...and if I don't help,
she'll character-assassinate me.

I thought she liked ice cream
and magic.

Next time, leave the scheming
to the experts.

-What are those?
-Pictures from Camp Suisse.

Aaron dressed up as Cecil the Caterpillar.
I bumped into him outside.

The guy gave you a Ring Pop
when you were 6. Move on.

It was licorice, and I was 8.

Ancient unimportant history.

You got me into this,
and I'm not losing Yale...

...because of that tart's libido.

Why don't you occupy her for a while?
Take her to the gala?

Say you didn't know how lame it
would be. When it's time to go home...

-...you're off the hook.
EMMA: I checked out Gossip Girl.

And I'm thinking we hit Socialista
before Beatrice.

See what I'm dealing with?

Emma, I was thinking.

Where is the glory in bedding down
with some dirty Manhattan hipster...

...who's probably filming you?

You really want
to make Muffy jealous?

Have your flower plucked
by one of the elite.

And where would I find someone
like that?

Luckily, we know the place.

But you're gonna have to pay a visit
to my closet first.

[EMMA SQUEALS]

Ooh. Wow.

Sorry, thing about a cafe:
People weirdly want service.

Come on, V, what am I gonna do?
Give me something here.

She's telling your dad tomorrow and
whatever this fashion-show thing is...

-...sounds like she's put a lot of work in.
-We all just cover for her?

-You, me, Nate?
-Don't lump me with Nate.

-He's your friend.
-Are we ever gonna talk about this?

-He was living with no electricity.
-You did the right thing.

Which is why you haven't been
to the loft since he moved in?

Just tell me,
do you still have feelings for him?

-Nate hates me.
-That's not what I asked.

Nate and I tried, it didn't work.
End of story.

I'm just saying, if you like him, tell him.
Nate is a good guy.

It's funny, you're ready to
condemn your sister, but Nate...

...who's done some questionable
things, gets a free pass.

-I get she lied.
-It's not about the lying.

I don't want her to get in trouble.

What if she's about to make a huge
mistake and I don't stop her?

Who's about to make a huge mistake?

CHUCK:
Well, what do we have here?

Allow me to introduce myself.

-I'm Chuck--
-Bass. Oh, my God.

I read about you on Gossip Girl.
You're like the devil.

Finally, some truth in advertising.
Headed out, are we?

Serena, Blair and I
are going to the gala.

-I hope you're coming.
-I'm all for company on Saturday night...

...but the only thing I like that aged
is my scotch.

What? It's old people?
Blair told me it was all hot guys.

Sounds to me like you've been
taken for a ride.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Well, how about you
take me for a ride instead?

Buckman, could you pass
this to Miss Serena?

It was with the concierge.

Looks like you've
just hooked yourself a Bass.

-You look beautiful. Can we go now?
-Patience, love.

The sooner we get there,
the sooner the jig is up.

I'll go check on the vestal virgin.

-Left at the concierge, miss.
-Thank you.

Well played, Cecil.

-She's gone.
-Who?

Who do you think? Emma.

-Jenny, you should wait for Dan.
-No, there's no time.

This is my chance to prove
I can be a designer.

Otherwise, it's back to Constance,
except worse...

...everyone's gonna know I failed.

Since when are you so worried?
You haven't spoken to me all week.

Wait. Careful, guys.
Those are couture.

Why do you eat those pot brownies?
Sugar makes you spaz.

Jenny, come on.
I mean, you know it's complicated.

If you care about me, prove it.
Come with me.

Maybe I should drive.

AGNES: Okay, come on, guys.
This train-wagon is on the move.

VANESSA: Is that Nate?
-Hey!

Hey, stop!

Stop.

Wow, a real limo. This is so perfect.

-By the way, my name is--
-Oh, let's not ruin it with you talking.

Fine.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Spotted. Bass taking the bait.

-Straight to business, then.
-Jailbait, that is.

BLAIR: Text him.
SERENA: I texted six times.

Text him again.
Before he screws that girl...

...and any chance of getting into Yale.

I put out an APB on Gossip Girl
with Emma's picture.

Every girl in Manhattan
will be on the lookout. Chuck.

BLAIR:
You. What did you do with her?

Hey, she assaulted me.
Demanded I deflower her.

Oh, limos and virgins, your specialty.

Just so you know, while there are few
things I consider sacred...

...the back of the limo is one of them.

Once she realized she couldn't ride,
she bolted.

Last time I saw her,
she was heading downtown.

Is just texted me. The bartender
at 1 Oak said E. Boardman...

-...just used her credit card.
-She didn't waste time. Come on.

-I have my mom's thing.
-What?

No, you're coming. You owe me.
Both of you. Come on.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

NATE: Jenny, what are we doing here
at The Palace?

This is the New York
Philanthropic Society's gala.

-I know.
-I'm no fashion expert...

...but shouldn't the people
seeing your show be...

...not friends with my mom?

We're looking for financial backers.
Everyone is gonna be here.

Fortune 500 CEOs,
LBMH, PPR, Hearst.

We're looking for people with money
who can get us press.

-Looks like you've done your homework.
-I have.

Sometimes the ends
have to justify the means.

Here. I pulled you a suit
on the way out.

It would really mean a lot to me
if you stayed.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

-I don't see her.
-I'll talk to the bartender.

You have to admit,
the licorice ring was sweet.

Even if you're literal, I don't wanna hear
about your albatross until we find mine.

I'm looking for a girl.

There she is.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Look.

You got nailed,
just not in the way you wanted.

Give me time. Serge and I were
moving the party to his place.

Serge? Honestly, how tacky are you?

-Okay, you guys, let's go.
-Serena.

-Hey. You should've called.
-Scott, hey.

-Don't worry, I have a table for you.
BLAIR: Wait! Wait. No. God.

Out of my--

Stop her! Emma!

Excuse-- Ew!

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHATTERING]

Oh, my God.

Excuse me, miss.
Can I have your name, please?

Uh, yeah, it's Erica van der Woodsen.

Sometimes they leave off the A. My--

-My parents are the guests of honor.
-Oh.

-Okay, thanks.
-Yeah.

What am I doing?

LILY:
Jenny?

Hi.

Mrs. Bass. Um....

Congratulations. I didn't know
you were receiving an award.

That's really....

-Uh, really.... It's really great.
-Well, thank you.

Honestly, I hate being
the center of attention, but....

So who are you here with?

Well, uh....

-She's with me.
-Oh.

My mom couldn't make it and she
asked me to fill in, so I invited Jenny.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Have you seen Serena?

-No, I haven't, actually. I'm sorry.
-Okay.

-Wanna get something to drink?
-Yeah, that'd be great.

-Thank you.
-Excuse us.

My God, you're shaking.

Yeah. I didn't know that Lily and Bart
were getting an award.

I'm about to ruin the night of people
who've only ever been nice to me.

Well, then just forget about it.
You don't have to.

Have you not heard anything I've said?
This is it. Tonight's all I have.

Nate, I don't even know--

You kissed me again.

I know.

So does that mean
you don't regret last week?

I guess not.

Jenny, whatever you decide,
I'm with you.

Okay.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Move.

I lost her out front in a crowd
of identical couples.

Their cab is halfway
to Serge's by now.

-If she waits that long.
-She's not answering.

-Congratulations, for ruining my future.
-Me?

Who came up with the idea
of me babysitting my way into Yale?

You wouldn't have had another chance
if it hadn't been for me.

Oh, right, you're such a celebrity.

"Miss van der Woodsen,
your pillows are being fluffed."

Kittens, please. I found her table.

You're behind the plot.
She already left.

Bartender says
she's in the corner booth.

E. Boardman?

Elizabeth. That's not Emma,
that's her mother.

SERENA:
And that's not her father.

Oh, my God.

GOSSIP GIRL:
It seems the saying is true.

Like mother, like daughter.

Or is it the other way around?

Oh, no, she's cool. Don't worry.
This is Stewart.

He's in love with me.

Uh, isn't he gonna get fired for this?

Yeah, well, he was gonna quit anyway
to be a professional gamer.

Oh, I have to check on the models.

Stewart, take this.

Do not do anything gross
to my friend.

If you'd just come to me sooner.

We don't even know
what she's doing.

-I know. I'm sorry.
-She's not picking up.

-Did you try Nate?
-I did already. His phone's off.

Ah, I should've known better.

-I should never have trusted her.
-What?

GOSSIP GIRL: Spotted at The Palace:
Nate Archibald and Little J.

RUFUS: What is it?
-No-- Gossip Girl. They're at The Palace.

-Let me see.
-There's nothing to see.

Let's get out of here now.

We hear Lonely Boy's BFF
still carries a torch for Nate.

If she finds out about little sister,
wonder who'll get burnt.

Come on, you're a cab.
Do that weaving thing.

Dad, Dad, it's okay.
We're gonna find her.

At least she's with Nate.

He couldn't have known.
Nate would've said something.

Don't be so sure.

-Nate didn't know. He would never--
-We don't know what Nate would do.

His morals are questionable at best.

Who would've thought
he'd date both you and a certain lady?

And by "lady" I mean "older"
and by "date" I mean--

RUFUS:
What's he talking about?

Nothing. What is up with you?

What happened to
"Nate's a good guy"?

-You're saying you do like him?
-Are you saying he's not a good guy?

Sounds like you still like him.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

-Is that Jenny?
-Oh.

No, it's-- No, it's Jordan. The TA
from Yale, who will have to wait.

Come on, you gotta be kidding me.

You're letting the Mister Softee
truck pass us? Come on. Here.

Dad, that's a one.

Thank you.

-Whoa, are you sure Jenny's here?
-Yeah.

-What is this?
-A private party, sir.

-I'm afraid I can't let you in.
-I'm just here to find my daughter.

LILY:
Rufus?

What are you doing here? It's fine.

-Okay.
-All right, I'm gonna go look for Nate.

He's taller and easier to spot.

-I'm gonna look for Jenny.
-Thanks. Uh....

Is Jenny okay? I saw her earlier.
What's going on?

-I was about to ask that myself. Rufus.
-Bart, hello.

Well, I need to find my daughter...

...so if you see her, hold on to her,
would you?

Oh. Congratulations.

What? I didn't invite him.

Ugh. Let's go get a drink.

Thank you, God, so much.
I won't let you down.

Chuck's seeing if the doorman
knows Emma's guy.

Why? Who cares about him?

Blair, no. This poor little girl's mother
is having an affair.

-No wonder she's acting out.
-So? This is my golden ticket.

You are not blackmailing that woman
to get into Yale.

Serena, open your eyes.
This is a sign from God.

-He wants me to do this.
-This family needs help.

No argument there.
They're more screwed up than yours.

So Humbert Humbert's name
is Serge Grodanz.

His father plays tennis at the club.

-I know where his building is. Let's go.
-I'm going over there.

You know, I'm late for the gala.
My mom's texting me.

Look, do whatever you want, Blair,
but, please, save Emma first.

Ugh. Fine. We'll save Little Red
Riding Hood from the big bad wolf...

...but then it's
"Bulldog, Bulldog, rah-rah-rah."

I'm trusting you.

Have any bright ideas?

As a matter of fact, one.

Dan. Hey.

-What are you doing?
-What am I doing?

What are you doing? Or is this not you
with my 15-year-old sister?

-Okay, whoa, just calm down.
-We took you into our house, Nate.

Look, Dan,
it's not like I planned on it, all right?

Okay, things just happened. I'm sorry.
She's a sophomore, I'm a senior.

-Don't act like I'm some creepy guy.
-No, you're the guy...

...who traded sex for money.

My God, Vanessa.

It's amazing I don't want you
with my sister.

I'm sorry I didn't say anything
about Jenny, okay?

But you have no right to judge me.

[SIGHS]

-Where is she?
-I don't know. Went to find Agnes.

-Do you want me to come help you--?
-No, I don't want your help.

I want you to pack up your stuff
and get out of our house.

BLAIR:
Emma, open up.

-Emma? I know you're in there.
-Go away. Serge is in the bathroom.

When he gets out,
there's gonna be one less virgin.

You have to admire her determination.

I'm not letting Muffy lose hers
before me. She beats me in everything.

Tell her to check Gossip Girl.

Emma, do you have your phone?
Check Gossip Girl.

It's important.

Look, I already told you,
nothing's gonna--

What?

It says, "Muffy's muff gets stuffed."

-Does that mean--?
-That Muffy took her first steps...

...as a woman? Afraid so.

She lost her virginity and her
Gossip Girl cherry in the same night?

-How'd she get on Gossip Girl?
-Pays to have connections.

SERGE:
Emma? Come here, my little princess.

-Oh!
SERGE: What? Who are you?

Now I feel violated. Come on.

Piece of advice? Lose the tulip.

[LINE RINGING]

AARON [ON MESSAGE]:
Hey, it's Aaron. Leave a message.

Oh, if this is Serena, that girl
at the hotel today, not what you think.

Not my girlfriend,
if that's what you thought...

...because I don't have a girlfriend,
and I'm rambling, so....

If this isn't Serena,
leave a message. Thank you.

Um, okay, that was the worst message
I have ever heard.

Or the best.

I was just calling to thank you
for the ring...

...but somehow I am finding myself
wanting to give you another chance--

WOMAN:
Hello?

Hello?

Are you calling for Aaron?

-Yeah, hi, who's this?
-Tamara.

Aaron's in the bathroom,
you wanna wait?

No. No, no, just tell him, um....

No, just don't tell him anything.
I'm sorry.

Cecil, you got me again.

Nate, where are you going?

I gotta go home.
Your brother's here and he knows.

-Wait, what?
-He saw us kissing on Gossip Girl.

-He's here with your dad.
-My-- My dad's here?

-The models are ready. We gotta go.
-No. My dad and brother are here.

They can see how amazing you are
instead of reading it in the papers.

I mean, it's not like
he's gonna k*ll you twice.

Okay. Wait.

Please. Nate, please don't go.
I really need you here.

Please.

Good evening.
May I have your attention, please?

Thank you.

As head of the New York
Philanthropic Society...

...presenting this award
is my favorite duty.

Please join me in congratulating
Lily and Bart Bass.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

-Did you find her?
-No.

Lily and Bart Bass
have funded the construction...

...of clinics and hospitals
in Equatorial Guinea, Sri Lanka--

[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

My apologies, there seems to be
some technical difficulty.

[THURSTON MOORE & JEMINA PEARL'S
"SHEENA IS A PUNK ROCKER" PLAYING]

Oh, no.

-It looks great.
-Thank you.

Oh, my god. Vanessa.

-Vanessa, wait.
-Here, Jenny, Jenny, stop.

-No, just-- It's not your place.
-No, I have to say something.

-I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry.
-Jenny.

JENNY:
Vanessa.

GOSSIP GIRL: Looks like
it's bros before h*'s for Little J.

Who knew when her loyalty
kicked in, Nate would be kicked out?

[MODELS LAUGHING]

J Humphrey Designs.
Backers are welcome--

Whoa, get your gropey hands
off of me, creep.

I cannot believe your sister.
She's taken it to a whole other level.

Yeah. Yeah, she has.

-She's gotta be around here somewhere.
-I'll check the lobby.

You might be upset, but this wasn't
how you wanted to lose your virginity.

And which venue would you suggest?

Perhaps....

Chuck, I know it wasn't easy getting
Gossip Girl to post that bogus report.

-Thank you.
-For you, anytime.

I think your little virgin's
making a break for it.

BLAIR:
Emma.

Emma, Emma, wait.

Aren't you done? You won.

You, Muffy, my mom.
I'm the only loser.

You still don't get it.

Having sex for the first time shouldn't
be part of a competition to beat Muffy.

It should be with someone you love.

Was your first time
with someone you loved?

Yes. It was.

And honestly, there are better ways
of getting your mother's attention.

-I told you, this is about Muffy.
-Please.

I wrote the book
on distracted, self-centered mothers.

My mom has never met
a single one of my teachers...

...regularly forgets my birthday,
only comments on my appearance...

...when she has something
to criticize.

-But you're perfect.
-True.

And that's why I finally realized
it wasn't about me.

The same way it's not about you.

My mom says when we come to the city
we're gonna do mother-daughter things.

-It never happens.
-So tell her that.

And can you try to avoid
the Serges of the world?

Thanks, by the way.

-That guy was pretty gross.
-Yeah.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Eh....

Hello?

Hey, Jordan. No, no.
No, it's not too late.

Uh....

Yeah, I saw that.
The three professors. That's....

No, I know what "anemic" means.

Uh, all right. Well, thank you. Thank you
for trying. I appreciate it. Okay.

Hey.

Is everything okay?

Um....

No. No, not really.

Don't worry about Jenny. She'll probably
get in some trouble for disrupting.

But I think everyone in here
was relieved.

No, I know. Jenny will be fine.
Jenny will be great.

Because Jenny always does
what she has to, to get what she wants.

-I don't follow.
-Tonight my sister alienated...

...everyone in her life. But tomorrow
she's gonna be in the New York Times.

I can't help but wonder if she's the one
with all the guts in the family.

Hey, where's this coming from?

Nowhere. I'm sorry. The Humphreys
already spoiled your mom's night.

-I don't wanna spoil yours.
-I don't care about this.

I care about you.
Tell me what's wrong.

Uh....

I'm not gonna get into Yale. Or any
school with a decent writing program.

-No, Dan, that is not true.
-I gotta go find my dad. Thank you.

Good night.

[DOOR OPENS]

Do you realize what time it is?
And look at that dress.

You expect me to believe
you went to the movies in that?

-Mom, please don't. This isn't her fault.
-Bed. Now.

Bed!

Mrs. Boardman, before you say
anything you'll regret--

Your plan? Take my daughter clubbing
and hope she'd plead to the dean?

I have some bad news for you,
Miss Waldorf.

From what I've seen,
you're not Yale material.

You haven't seen anything yet.

Did you have a nice time
with your Bryn Mawr friends?

-What is that supposed to mean?
-Here. My phone.

You'll need it
to make a call to New Haven.

-This isn't Blair's fault.
-Go to bed.

-Blair was only trying to help me.
-You're lecturing me?

No wonder I don't wanna
spend time with you. Bed, right now.

[DOOR SLAMS]

-You were saying?
-Just....

Your daughter's a great girl.

You should pay more attention to her.

Soon it'll be too late.

Excuse me, ma'am.
Did you see a girl come out?

-She had a blue shirt and dark curly hair.
-Jenny.

Dad. Dad, let go of me. Let go of me,
Dad. I'm trying to find Vanessa.

-I hope you're proud of yourself.
-You know what? I am.

Honestly, I achieved
everything that I wanted.

Jenny, you can't just go through life
not caring who you hurt.

Dad, I already have 32 missed calls
on my phone.

People aren't calling to tell me how mad
they are that I ruined their party.

-They like my designs and wanna meet.
-Well, those people are not your father.

And speaking for him,
I have never been more disappointed.

Hi. Hi there.
I hope I'm not interrupting.

-Jenny, you owe Lily an apology.
-No, really.

No, no, no, he's right.
Lily, I'm really sorry.

Well, honestly,
it wasn't the evening I expected.

But it was amazing.
The whole thing was inspired.

Um....

I'm just gonna wait over here
for a moment.

If you think you're getting away
with this, you're wrong.

Well, it's too late, it's done.

You're right. Officer, if you're looking
for the person responsible, this is her.

-Dad.
LILY: Rufus.

-You can't be serious.
-You're giving me no choice.

It's her number all over the Polaroids.

Miss, I'm gonna have
to take you to the station.

We'll call your parents from there.

He is my parent.
The one getting me arrested.

Officer, my name is Lily Bass. I was
the one being honored this evening...

...and my husband also owns this hotel.
And we won't be pressing any charges.

Makes my job easier.

-Lily, this is none of your business.
-I'm saving you from a terrible mistake.

You know what? You guys figure
it out. I'm going home.

GOSSIP GIRL: Poor Jenny. All that
glamour almost led to the slammer.

But what will the morning bring?

Figured you'd be back
at the family manor.

Is this the new minimalism?

-What the hell is going on?
-What do you think?

-I told you we were in trouble.
-You didn't tell me it was this bad.

If it drove you to Brooklyn,
I should've known.

-I'm going to stay with my mom.
-Don't be so dramatic.

-You're coming with me.
-No, I'm not.

B, it's time to get up.
There are other schools besides Yale.

-Like Princeton.
-Princeton is a trade school.

There is only Yale.

Well, I'm proud of you for not
succumbing to your baser instincts.

Even though
you might not get into Yale...

...at least this way
you won't go to hell.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Blair Waldorf's phone.
Yes, Dean Berube, she's right here.

-What? No.
-Yes.

Dean Berube, what a surprise.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Miss van der Woodsen?
You have a visitor.

Yes.

Uh-huh.

Hey.

So I was thinking,
you, me, assorted breakfast pastries.

How many pastries exactly?

Is it just you and me,
or is the entire harem coming along?

-Yeah, I wanna explain yesterday.
-Look, Aaron, the rings were sweet.

But I thought about it
and I don't really wanna date someone...

-...who has a posse.
-A posse?

In our last encounters,
you've been with two different girls.

-Well, one was a friend.
-So you've said.

And the other one was....

You know what? No.

I could explain who Tamara is and why
she was at my apartment last night.

The fact is either
you feel something here or you don't.

If you want an excuse not to give this
a shot, fine. But ever since...

...you walked into the gallery, I haven't
been able to stop thinking about you.

-I even dug up my old camp stuff.
-So did I.

Is it too weird to think that maybe
fate brought us back together again?

Yes. But romantic too.

Know what? Forget breakfast.
I waited nine years. That merits dinner.

-You didn't eat that ring, did you?
-No, not yet.

Good. It's nine years old.

-Wait, you kept yours?
-I'll see you tonight.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, my God. Emma told the dean
that I'm the one person, living or dead...

-...she'd most like to have dinner with.
-Oh, B.

And he said that Yale could really use
a girl like Blair Waldorf.

Oh, B, I'm so happy for you.

RUFUS:
Hey, I was just about to wake you.

Your sister stomped out of here at about


It's just the two of us.
You sleep in that last night?

I didn't sleep. I was up all night
finishing this story for Noah Shapiro.

The guy from the Paris Review?
Which story?

The one about Chuck Bass.

-You said you couldn't write that.
-I could always write it. I chose not to.

-Dan, just because Jenny--
-Dad, the morning after my little sister...

...stages a fashion show
all of New York will be talking about...

...is not the time
for the "slow and steady" speech.

All right, I'm sorry. I tried it your way.

I wish I could get the two of you
to understand that success...

...people praising you, it goes away.

And when that day comes...

...if you don't like who you are,
you're done.

I guess that's a chance
I'm willing to take.

Dan, please,
I have to worry about you now?

It's gonna be all I can do
to try and reach Jenny.

It's a little late for that, Dad.
I think you need to look in her room.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

GOSSIP GIRL: S and B are headed
for Yale. Nate's headed out of town.

And Dan's headed for trouble.

As for little sister Jenny,
she's nowhere to be seen.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.