3x08 - The Grandfather (2)

[bunniefuu]

Why settle for some club in a hotel When you can just buy the hotel? I'm worrying.

Politics is a van der bilt birthright.

The only thing nate's ever voted for is "american idol.

" Tripp was the same way.

Grandfather can be very persuasive.

When did tripp decide to run for congress? Well, after congressman kruger died, A house seat opened up in manhattan.

Dan, i have to tell you something.

(Man) oh, olivia! Oh, my god.

Are you-- You're not Fleur.

I lied because i-I care about you.

The only person i want to kiss here tonight is you.

Why would you leak a fake photo? Are you trying to destroy tripp's campaign? That's gonna win tripp the election.

And what happens to carter? I am sorry i had to lie to you.

No, you're not.

I settled your debt with the buckleys.

Nate probably hates me now, but it doesn't matter.

I'm sorry, s.

, but chuck's hotel needed this.

Without your celebrities, we're buried in the city section.

Now we're front page news.

You got my clients photographed at the hottest party Of the year.

Your job is safe.

And, serena, that job Now includes publicly dating patrick.

I don't know if i'd call that work.

Get back to me after date two.

And who am i? That's a secret i'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, gossip girl.

In manhattan, some parties are v.

I.

P.

Only.

(Woman) � love is gonna hurt you � Others are strictly private.

� if it's all right, i'm gonna try and � But some parties are political, And those lines are drawn By the most established of the establishment.

� i can rob you if i want to � � i can rob you if i try � � i can rob you if i need to � Hey.

You want to use that? And once those lines are drawn, they can never be crossed.

A michael mann political thriller? That's good news.

Wonderful news.

And my source tells me Michael's only considering two actors for the lead.

Patrick and ryan phillippe.

Well, then he's in.

Ryan totally lost his mojo After reese got with jake.

Don't "jake" me, serena.

This is serious.

Your job is to get patrick's photo taken with politicians At the van der bilt election party tonight.

But, k.

C.

, i can't.

The producers will eat it up.

Plus, it'll totally help him Get into character for his audition next week.

So i look forward to hearing how it goes.

Wait, k.

C.

, the problem is i'm I'm kind of on the outs with the van der bilts right now.

Serena, what's p.

R.

Rule number one? My only value is my social network.

But i'm afraid that network Is currently one archibald short.

Make it happen.

Clean up your mess or clean out your desk.

No, that one.

Hey.

How long you been awake? Mm.

Not long.

A muffin basket.

Vanessa's been completely m.

I.

A.

Since she started sh**ting that documentary.

She was here for, like, ten seconds yesterday, And i guess she's getting amazing footage.

The only footage i want to see is your jimmy fallon appearance.

I mean, dinner was great last night.

I just wish we'd gotten back in time to see it.

Yeah.

Sorry i-I dragged you to that gelato shop.

I had a really bad sugar craving.

(Chuckles) You know what? I bet it's online.

No.

Uh, you can't watch it like that.

Th-The--The quality's so bad, you know? I'd rather you watch it in h.

D.

Okay.

When? I'm sorry.

I'm just excited.

It's been a while since i had A girlfriend on a late night talk show.

Um, well, i'm--I'm sure i can get a copy from k.

C.

Okay.

(Door closes) (Sighs) h* h*! Watch out.

It's bathroom boy.

Clear the way.

(Laughs) Uh, good morning to you, too.

(Chuck) welcome to my new suite.

We may patent the media system-- Interactive, high-Def 3-D gaming.

Instant access to the world's largest media library And all in-House food, spa services.

Just touch the button.

Blair's favorite part-- Real-Time surveillance playback.

It's naughty.

(Chuckles) Well, it certainly is a step up from the columbia dorms.

Most penthouses are, nathaniel.

There's two bedrooms.

Feel free to crash any time you like.

Tripp, maureen.

(Tripp) hey, chuck.

Hey.

All this behind-The-Scenes stuff is really great.

Thanks again for letting me film tripp's campaign.

Oh, no problem.

Charles.

Well, you've outdone yourself.

My pleasure, sir.

I can't think of a better way to christen the ballroom Than with a van der bilt victory party.

Your generosity will not be forgotten by me or my family.

We're very much looking forward to tonight's event.

Thanks again, chuck.

Even if the night ends in defeat, At least we'll have a good party.

Sweetie (chuckles) don't talk like that.

This morning's polling numbers aren't great.

We're down where we should be up, and where we are up, We're barely hanging on.

That's what makes it exciting, right? (Chuck) excuse me.

He's right, nathaniel.

Things aren't where they should be.

The buckleys' dirty pool is starting to work.

Thanks to serena, we weren't able to expose it.

Well, isn't there something we can do? It's election day.

At this point, nathaniel, It would take nothing short of a miracle.

Hey.

I was running errands, And k.

C.

Asked me to drop off your jimmy fallon interview.

Great.

I guess that means you've seen it.

Yeah.

You know i didn't mean what i said.

Oh, don't--Don't worry about that.

I'm sure dan understands.

He hasn't even seen it.

I don't know what to do.

I have to fix this, And meanwhile, keep him away from tv and the internet And strangers with the urge to make fun of him.

Don't forget about gossip girl.

I have to just keep him completely isolated.

Oh, hey.

What are you doing here? Um serena just, uh, came by To tell us how much she likes patrick.

Oh.

Yeah.

(Chuckles) uh, oddly, he's my favorite part of my job.

It's actually pretty fun having a fake relationship.

Talk about no pressure.

I'm slightly relieved.

I heard some pretty crazy stuff about patrick after we broke up.

Supposedly he went a bit method After that gus van sant movie he did nobody saw.

Yeah.

His--His agents and k.

C.

Are filtering all the scripts that get to him.

So far, he's only been allowed to read a political thriller.

What's the worst thing he can do, pass a bill? Listen, as much as i enjoy my current girlfriend talking To my ex-Girlfriend about her fake boyfriend who is also My current girlfriend's ex, uh, you--You--You could probably Get us a copy of that fallon interview, right? But first, um, serena, You should probably get to patrick's Before fedex does with more scripts.

Good-Bye.

Okay.

Bye.

(Door closes) S.

I hope you're not here looking for an apology.

No, i was just dropping something off to olivia.

Oh, that's right.

I momentarily forgot your job Is more important than your friends.

I have a couple minutes.

Do you want to get a latte? If by "getting a latte" you mean apologizing, then no, i don't.

Out of respect for our many years of friendship, I'm willing to let what you did slide.

What i did? Okay, we both made decisions that hurt the other.

We both feel badly.

Now let's move on.

I actually have to go meet chuck right now.

We've been going nonstop, prepping For tripp van der bilt's election party tonight.

Speaking of which, i noticed you're not on the guest list.

That can only mean one thing-- Nate still hates you For whatever it is you did to him.

I'd check your sources, b.

And i am going tonight, with my handsome boyfriend, patrick.

Since your boyfriend's working the party, Who are you going with, one of your knockoffs? Since you're so interested, i have made real friends here.

I just don't share your need to brag.

Okay.

Well, i can't wait to meet them tonight.

I need a friend.

Stat.

I'm your friend.

(Scoffs) Please.

I'm not friends with staff.

(Cell phone rings) you need to get that? (Beep) no, it's not important.

This is nate.

Leave a message.

I'm just saying, if this morning's polls Put you neck and neck with sullivan, Then there's still time, so why not let grandfather help you? Nate, i've said it before, and i'll say it again-- I'd rather lose fair and square than win with a dirty campaign.

Yeah, well, asking grandfather for help Doesn't necessarily mean playing dirty.

(Vanessa) so it's election day.

Who are you voting for? (Man) hey! Someone's drowning over here! Call 9-1-1! (Man) help! I can't swim! Help! I'm drowning! It look like tripp's prayers have been answered With another miracle on the hudson.

Are the van der bilts blessed with good luck or good timing? (Man) you're watching new york 1-- News all day.

Just this morning, Congressional candidate tripp van der bilt Rescued a man who was drowning in the hudson river.

One minute i'm walking along the pier, And the next thing i know i lose my balance, And boom! I'm in the hudson.

If it wasn't For this brave young man, tripp van der bilt apparently van der bilt was on his way to his Ten hours till the polls close.

Let's seize the day, gentlemen.

Where are we with media? I've locked down coverage from every local station For the midday news.

Time to call couric.

She owes me a favor.

Maybe she can squeeze tripp into the evening news.

Excuse me, grandfather.

Can i speak with you for a moment? Zogby has them neck and neck.

Rasmussen puts him up by a point.

(Laughs) tripp, that's fantastic.

Remember, until the polls close, any time someone mentions The name tripp van der bilt, It should be followed by the word "hero.

" (Lowered voice) well, i guess miracles do happen, Huh, grandfather? Our family is really blessed.

So is that man who almost died.

(Woman) william, can you take a look at this? Absolutely.

No, thank you.

Thank you so, so much.

Hey.

My rescue footage is gonna be on the news tonight.

William told me to go out and drum up some interest, And it looks like i'm the only one who got it all on tape.

Congratulations.

Have you seen nate? Yeah.

He's over there.

Tell him bye for me.

I've gotta go home and get my tapes together.

Okay.

What are you doing here? I-I left you a message.

Y-You never called me back.

Yeah, well, as you can see, i've been sort of busy.

And i really have nothing to say to you.

Then i'll make it quick.

I need you to put me And patrick roberts on the guest list for tripp's party tonight.

What? Are you kidding me? Nate, my job is at stake.

Oh, that's funny.

So is my cousin's campaign, thanks to you.

As far as i'm concerned, we're even.

You used me for your buckley photo scam.

All i did was find out and undo it.

Well, i wouldn't exactly call revenge A solid foundation for a friendship.

Who said anything about friendship? All i need is an invite, plus one.

Serena.

Tripp, hey.

I-I voted for you.

Thanks.

You coming tonight? Absolutely.

I wouldn't miss it.

Thanks, nate.

(Man) tripp, can i get you to sign off on this? Washington square park, bobst library, bar none.

I even tried spinning the cube in st.

Mark's place, But not a friend in sight.

I just know this wouldn't be so hard at yale.

What about that vanessa girl? Didn't you know her in high school? I have never heard that name before in my life.

Now feel free to see yourself out.

Oh, my god.

How does that girl have the valentino 360 bag? I'm still wait-Listed.

Who? Where? At the register.

Quick.

How do i look? Superior.

(Sighs) No one follow me.

I love your 360.

Thanks.

I just got it.

Very smart to pair it with peter som.

You're good.

I know.

I'm blair.

May i? Oh, please.

Do.

(Sighs) the moment i saw it, It joined my list of blair's most wanted.

Believe me when i tell you I don't say this very often-- But i think i like you.

Well, give me those peep toes and maybe i'll believe you.

Sorry.

My alexandre birmans are sacred.

Amen.

(Chuckles) By the way, i'm brandeis.

How would you like to come with me to a fabulous party tonight? "Mat.

" Are you joking? Oh, not in the least.

It's going on the end of "door," Which makes it a triple word score, scrabble b*tches.

That's my son.

Wow.

The humphreys are--Are so serious About their scrabble games.

Oh, yeah.

Mm-Hmm.

(Lily) you two are so sweet to come over and entertain jenny.

Poor thing.

Well, she's been cooped up with this virus for a week.

I mean, when she called, how could we resist? Yeah.

Th-Thank you guys so much.

Really getting sick of, uh, tv and internet.

(Cell phone alert chimes) (Jenny coughs) (cell phone alert rings) Oh, i need a s.

A.

R.

S.

Mask.

Um, can i-- Can i borrow your phone? Yeah, go ahead.

I keep leaving mine in the dorm.

(Jenny coughs) that's 33.

A whopping 33 points.

(Rufus) "jetdoorman"-- Is that a word? (Dan) don't you mean "jetdoormat"? (Rufus) oh, jetdoormat.

(Dan) s.

A.

R.

S.

Mask! (Vanessa) so it's election day.

Who are you voting for? I don't know.

That's a good question.

You know, i'm not really sure Who i'm gonna vote for.

He's awfully young.

(Video rewinds) (Clicking key) you know, i'm not really-- What? sure who i'm gonna vote for.

He's awfully young.

(Knock on door) Wow.

You look hot.

Same.

I have great news.

Yeah.

So do i.

You first.

I just finished reading a fantastic script.

The political thriller? No, it's a remake of "leaving las vegas.

" They want to redo it with a younger cast.

Where did you get those scripts? In the garbage.

I'm telling you, this one's amazing.

Care to join me in a little research? No.

No research.

Your team has been pushing very hard for the political one.

And i have worked my butt off to get you into this party tonight.

Yeah, but miley cyrus is already signed on To play the elisabeth shue role.

They must've seen her on that pole at the t.

C.

A.

S.

Okay, we don't have time to talk about this.

You need to get ready.

This party is a very big deal for both of us.

There will be tons of important political people there tonight.

Forget vegas.

It's all about d.

C.

, okay? Put on some clothes, please.

Hey, vanessa.

Listen, i'm really busy.

Uh, this couldn't wait? Honestly, no.

And i thought it'd be better To talk away from the campaign chaos.

Mm.

I'm in a really awkward position, So i'm just gonna say what i have to say.

Okay.

What happened at the hudson this morning Wasn't what it looked like.

What do you mean? The guy you and tripp saved-- He didn't fall.

I think it-- I think it was set up.

(Scoffs) that's ridiculous.

I have it all on tape.

Well, has anyone else seen the footage? No, but i-I already agreed to sell it to new york 1, And i'm going to meet caroline lowe, One of the producers, at cafeteria.

Whoa.

Wait.

Vanessa, if you do that, then-- Nate, i'm sorry, But if i just sit on it, i become part of a cover-Up.

Listen, the polls close in a few hours.

Can you just-- Can you just wait? I wish i could, but this is not Some high school thing with blair and the mean girls.

This is someone running for public office, nate.

Yeah, but there's gotta be some sort of an explanation.

Someone set tripp up to look like a hero, And i think we both know the person most likely To orchestrate something like that is your grandfather.

(Sighs) i have so much respect for tripp, And he has been so generous to let me film his campaign.

Should i warn him so he can prepare a strategy For damage control? Don't worry about telling tripp.

Okay? I'll tell him.

I'm sorry, nate.

No.

This election may be too close to call, But when it's his family's honor or his own, Nate archibald has the number on speed dial.

Yes, uh, new york 1, please.

Caroline lowe.

Wow.

Thank you so much for explaining that.

Hey, we were just discussing The senate committee on appropriations.

Maybe you'd like to join us.

Oh, my god.

Hello.

Thank you so much.

See? Isn't this great? You've got the--The perfect capitol hill vibe.

(Sighs) i gotta hit the can.

Okay.

He's great.

Do you wanna Oh, my god.

That's senator proctor.

Wow.

You really do know everyone.

Oh, i don't know everyone.

I'll be right back.

Hey, blair.

Hey.

Do you see that gorgeous blonde in proenza schouler Talking to those high-Profile politicians? That's my best friend brandeis.

She knows most of them personally.

Oh, that's great.

I mean, political connections Aren't the first thing most people look for in friends.

They must really love her, Because when she introduced us, they seemed thrilled to meet me.

They even asked if we were sisters.

Well, i can't wait for you to meet patrick.

He's over at the bar, getting me a drink right now.

I feel so lucky.

He's so attentive.

It doesn't take much, does it? What? No one's ever accused you of saying no.

(Scoffs) Hey, where is the scrabble dictionary? I could swear "squiffy's" a word.

Oh.

(Types) scrabble dictionary.

Bathroom boy? All right, you know our next guest From the "endless knights" movie franchise-- Please welcome the lovely olivia burke, everybody! (Cheers and applause) She's cute.

� there you are � (Woman on tv) served four years on city council And ten in the state legislature.

He was a supporter of john mccain, Stumping for him all across rural upstate new york In the 2008 presidential race.

Someone just told me you're vanessa abrams.

Is that right? Yeah.

So who did you end up selling the footage to? My office just called, said that you sold Your rescue footage to another network.

Yeah, i sold it to new york 1, actually-- A woman named caroline lowe.

I met her two hours ago.

I'm caroline lowe.

So who was the woman in the restaurant? Finally.

It's your turn.

Oh, you know what? I just realized i have An, uh, environmental studies paper due tomorrow.

Oh, wait.

Um, i'll just get my stuff.

No, you know what? Stay.

You're winning, And you gotta keep jenny company.

I'll text you later, okay? Did my son just walk out Before playing a "q" on a double letter? (Elevator bell dings) That is so not the humphrey way.

My computer.

(Groans) Hmm.

Hmm.

You know, i am sensing something else is going on here.

Well, you didn't actually think they wanted To play five hours worth of board games with us, did you? Mm.

(Hollywood holt) � these girls be in my face � � that's why i grab that can of mace � (sighs) � because i got expensive taste � looking for your boyfriend? Uh, no.

He's probably getting mobbed by fans right now.

He's--He's just still on the way to get us a drink.

Doubt it, Because he downed both your drinks And then ordered two more-- For himself.

Where is he? Don't worry.

I took care of it.

I had him taken up to his suite.

What? Why? He's bombed.

He's drunker than paula abdul during hollywood week.

(Scoffs) are you really that jealous that he's here with me? Look, s.

, you know wasted better than most of us, Having been in that state so many times yourself.

I guess you just met your match.

But since i just found out that your date is really work, You may want to play closer attention to him next time.

This is nate's big night at chuck's hotel, So sorry, s.

, i did what i had to do again.

So you're out with this guy, and he goes to the bathroom.

Yes.

He comes back well, it was-- It was our first date, And he goes to the restroom and when he comes back, His--His shirt was on inside out.

Uh, uh, check, please.

No.

That's where you go right there.

That's when you get out.

That's when you have to leave, yes.

Really? No, i find out later that on the way Into the bathroom, he's walked into a spiderweb, And the spider crawled inside his shirt.

Yeah, the old-- The old spider excuse.

(Laughter) yeah, we've all used that one before.

Yeah, the old "oh, a spider came down on my shirt, And that's why i had to take my shirt off and"-- Okay, that-- Yeah, i believe that.

Yeah, i would believe that one.

And--And now are you still dating bathroom boy or jimmy.

Or are--Was he arrested? I don't know.

You know what? Tomorrow is our 1-Month anniversary.

(Audience) aw! Oh, oh, my gosh.

Well, congratulations.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's big.

In--In honor--In honor, i'll be taking my clothes off In the bathroom and then redressing myself.

(Clicks mouse) Wow.

And after all that scrabble i can't believe i told that story on national television.

He must hate me.

(Whispers) please pick up.

Please pick up.

Please pick up.

(Normal voice) it went to voice mail.

Hey.

Um, it's me.

I know that you're not picking up Because you must be so mad at me.

Please know that i'm so, so sorry.

(Beep) Patrick.

Patrick.

Patrick! Patrick.

What are you doing? Whoa! I told you how important tonight was.

Serena, what? (Laughs) oh.

(Water running) you think blair had me thrown out Because i was a little tipsy or because i was talking To that high-Priced call girl friend of hers? (Anya marina's "two left feet" playing) What did you just say? � i wish i never would have let you go � � but the music � Why'd you do it? Do what? Come on, nate.

You're the only one who knew I had a meeting to sell that footage.

I had to protect tripp.

I came to you first, as a friend.

Don't be so self-Righteous.

You were only selling the footage To further your own career.

That is not true.

Oh, so you're saying you weren't excited to see your name Flash on every television in manhattan? You know what, nate? I'll let you know how that feels In just a minute.

What does that mean? (Man) hey.

Hey, everybody, quiet down for a second.

with breaking news.

We are just now getting reports that firsthand footage Of the hudson river rescue reveals tripp van der bilt's Heroic act might not have been so heroic.

It seems after close inspection Of the footage taken at the time, it's apparent The man deliberately went into the hudson river (Gossip girl) the polls are closed, And gossip girl is calling this election dirty.

It remains to be seen Who exactly is responsible for this hoax.

Someone in the van der bilt camp? Maybe the candidate himself? But news of this breaking grandfather.

effect it'll have on the polls Is impossible to measure.

All right, could someone just turn that off? And, please, just give us a moment of privacy.

Thank you.

I can't believe You would compromise my integrity like this.

Take a deep breath, tripp.

You didn't believe i could actually win, did you? Honestly, i had my doubts, But i did not do this.

The hell you didn't.

Tripp, just calm down.

Listen to me very carefully, grandfather.

If you don't go out there And take responsibility for this, then i will-- By stepping out of the race.

I'm not gonna go stand in front of those cameras and lie.

Oh, come on, grandfather.

It's time to come clean.

I give you my word.

I'm not responsible for this.

Unfortunately for the both of us, Your word means nothing anymore.

Well, if you are both done, I'm going to go down and join the celebration.

(Scoffs) Gather the press, nate.

I'm going to announce my official withdrawal.

I just have to tell maureen first.

I know i'm an enemy of the state right now.

What happened to you, nate? The guy i used to call my friend Had a moral compass.

Well, right now i'm thinking i'm just gonna go for my master's, But who knows? Sorry to interrupt.

Brandeis, right? I'm serena.

Hi, serena.

This is congressman wade.

Pleasure to meet you.

And are you a, uh, student, like brandeis? No, i'm just a regular old working girl.

Really? And--And do you two work together? Because maybe the three of us-- Uh, congressman, you've been campaigning a little too hard.

(Laughs) (laughs) Let me guess-- You want to go upstairs And see if two blondes make a right? Uh, excuse us.

I'm sorry.

I thought i was working this party alone.

Did the agency send you? No, you're right.

This party is all yours.

Excuse me.

As a friend of the family, what do you have to say About the allegation That tripp van der bilt's heroism might have been staged? Uh, i say i'm a businessman, not a politician.

Fine, so how will it affect your business If the empire's inaugural event is mired in scandal? Look, you think anyone goes to the mercer for the maid service? They go 'cause they want to see russell crowe throw a hissy.

Anyway, nothing happens at the empire without my say-So.

What are you doing, blair? Looking for your best friend? Bad news.

Security just escorted her out In time to avoid a major political scandal.

You're kidding me.

Now we're doing tit for tat? She was an escort, a high-Priced hooker.

(Scoffs) you're ridiculous.

Brandeis is not a call girl.

She's a psych major.

Who on earth told you that? Patrick.

The guy is wasted.

He thought chuck schumer was his father.

You're just trying to get back at me.

No, actually, i'm just looking out for chuck and nate.

I doubt chuck would want a prost*tute at his hotel, Especially at this party.

You don't get it.

Patrick was about to cause a scene.

I was protecting everyone, including you.

What are you talking about? Look, ladies, please.

This is supposed to be a classy event, Not a sample sale at an outlet mall.

Chuck, you'll never believe what serena did.

She had my friend kicked out of the party.

(Chuckles) the call girl? Security just told me.

W--No, no.

I promise you, brandeis is not an escort.

Serena's just trying to get even with me.

Look, i don't know what's going on here, But if the girl's still here, i'll find her And get to the bottom of it, okay? Thank you, chuck.

And who's the one getting paid to date her clients anyway? That's enough, blair.

No.

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck The only prost*tute here is you.

Come on, chuck.

I want some cake.

(Grunts and gasps) (Gossip girl) blair and serena at w*r again.

Yummy.

Hey.

Let me go first.

Nate, it's okay.

I know what i'm doing.

(Amplified voice) excuse me.

(Microphone feedback whines) excuse me.

Hi.

My name is nate archibald.

I'm tripp van der bilt's cousin.

And i know there's a lot of buzz going around About what exactly happened This morning at the hudson river.

And it saddens me to tell you all That the story about it being a hoax-- It is true.

(Guests murmuring) However, my cousin, tripp van der bilt, Had no knowledge of any kind of setup.

My cousin is not only the most moral, Honest And courageous guy i know He's still a hero.

And how do i know this? Because i'm the one who set it up.

(Guests murmuring) What the hell is wrong with you? Right now, thirst.

I need a drink.

She called me a prost*tute.

Yeah.

Why do you think she did that? I'm not sleeping with patrick.

You, of all people, know what a prost*tute does.

The reason blair attacked you is because she misses you.

Don't tell me after 18 years, you can't read waldorf subtext.

I shouldn't have to.

If that's what she's feeling, then she should tell me.

It is time for her to grow up.

This coming from someone Who just pushed their best friend into a cake.

Look, you think your friendship is going to take care of itself.

You're not kids anymore.

You can't say you hate each other Then make up an hour later on the met steps.

You tell her that.

I'm telling you.

And you should be careful, because one day you're Gonna find yourself telling people about blair waldorf, The girl who used to be your best friend.

(Knock on door) Hi.

I got your text.

Yeah.

All it said was-- "Maybe we should talk"-- And so i just came right away.

I'm sorry about fallon.

Up till now, my publicist would decide everything for me-- What i'd talk about during interviews And even script exactly what i would say.

And just this one time, i wanted to just be myself And--And go out there and be me, and i i bombed.

What? No, you didn't.

No.

No, it was funny, really.

And then today, you left, and i knew--I knew that i'd hurt you.

And our first date meant so much to me.

Olivia, fallon was right.

The spider story isn't even true.

What is--What is this? You want to know the truth about our--Our first date? There was no spider.

I, uh, i-I was so nervous That i was with you, i kept sweating through my shirt, So i was running to the bathroom to use the hand dryer to-- (Laughs) What? This isn't funny.

Don't laugh.

I'm not--I'm trying-- I'm really trying not to.

(Laughs) and then today, I rushed out of scrabble because i'd just seen Your interview on tv, where you told the whole world That today was our 1-Month anniversary, you know, and I mean, i'm--I'm usually very on the ball with these things.

Stop.

You're amazing.

And you're not the only one with a surprise today.

(Man) you're watching new york 1-- News all evening.

Before we return to the race for the mayor of new york city, We first want to take you to the congressional election, Which really couldn't be any closer.

At this time, with 85% of the votes counted, Mike sullivan has 49,837 votes.

Hey.

What are you doing down here? Get back to your party.

I was hoping you'd still be here.

I wanted to thank you For the sacrifice you made on that stage tonight, For me.

Hey, i was happy to, Because i believe in you.

Here it is.

And apparently, new york does, too.

We are now prepared to call the election in favor Of newcomer 26-Year-Old william van der bilt iii, Affectionately known to those around him as "tripp.

" That is right.

With 96% of the votes counted i won.

Yeah, you did.

Just do me one favor, though.

Anything.

Be the best congressman this district's ever seen.

(Cheers and applause in distance) I have complete faith in you.

And after all, i mean, You're the only honest man in our family.

(Sighs) Congrats.

Thanks.

You deserve it.

I better get going before we're seen together And another scandal erupts.

I promise you, One day i will make things right.

I will fix this.

This is the beginning of a new van der bilt dynasty, One we can be proud of.

(Chuckles) (Woman speaking indistinctly on tv) (Laughs) Stay away from me.

Blair, i'm sorry.

I-I shouldn't have done that.

But whether it was patrick tonight Or--Or k.

C.

'S clients at chuck's party, A real friend would have come to me with the problem, And we would have solved it together.

Seriously, serena? After 18 years of this, i actually feel sorry for you.

You're so far deep in serena world, You can't even recognize what's really going on.

Throughout all my years with nate-- My whole life, really-- You've always been number one.

And now for the first time, Things are different.

I'm different.

I have college And a real relationship.

I'm starting to build a life for myself.

I'm building a life for myself, too.

With carter? With your job as an assistant to a publicist Who pays you to date a whacked-Out movie star? You're drifting away from dan and your family, And you've lost nate, One of your oldest friends.

(Sighs) This night is finally over And as far as i'm concerned, so are we.

Who would have thought That s.

And b.

'S friendship had a term limit? Sorry, ladies.

Party's over.

Thank you.

Hey, brandeis.

I thought you'd be long gone by now.

Hey, blair.

Great party.

I am so sorry.

I can't believe serena Told everyone you were a prost*tute.

That is, like, so crazy.

Well, to be honest, it's not that crazy.

How so? It's true.

I'm a working girl.

I wanted to tell you, but we just met.

Ew! Do you even go to school at n.

Y.

U.

? Yes.

And i am a psych major.

Ask me anything-- Freud, skinner, piaget.

I'm still the same person, blair.

This is just how i pay for college and couture.

Huh.

Well, i have to run it by my people, but We can still shop together, perhaps.

Absolutely.

But right now I got a job.

You used me to meet new clients? Sorry, but i'm new to the big apple.

And rotten to the core.

Okay, come on.

Come on.

Let's get you in.

Easy.

Come on.

Watch your head.

Hey, come on.

Let's go to bar boulud.

No.

You have to.

You're my girlfriend.

I can't be seen without you, remember? That's what you get paid for.

Tell miss cunningham she has a delivery.

(Indistinct conversations) I think nathaniel was brilliant tonight, don't you? Brilliant? Foolish is more like it.

Come on, william.

Even you have to admit it.

This couldn't have worked any better if it was planned.

You.

All this time, you thought the only thing i was capable of Was holding his hand and smiling on the sidelines.

To be honest, my dear, I never really spent that much time thinking about you.

Well, your loss is my gain.

My husband is a congressman.

And thanks to vanessa's camera, You're out of our lives for good.

Finally tripp can be his own man, My man.

You think i'm really just going to stand aside, Let myself become collateral damage? I'll tell him.

You don't exactly have a lot of credibility right now.

Who's he going to believe? (Mika's "i see you" playing) I thought you said you were going home.

I changed my mind.

Well, if i'd known, I would have come sooner.

� i'm sitting across from you � Did you ever find brandeis? � i don't speak � Yes.

� you don't know me � We're not friends anymore.

� i say nothing but stare at you � But that's okay.

I have you.

That's all i need.

� but i see you � � but i see you � � but i see you � (Woman speaking indistinctly) � but i see � � conversations, not me at all � (Gossip girl) sometimes it's hard to see The lines we've drawn Until we cross them.

� hating everyone � (Jimmy fallon) this is used for the sake cups.

All right, oh, you know, i did want to say something.

Uh, we want to apologize for last time.

I was a little hard on your boyfriend, And i apologize for that, so, dan, if you're watching, We wanted to say happy anniversary.

Oh! This is for you, olivia and dan.

Happy anniversary.

I'm very sorry.

Thank you.

Oh! (Gossip girl) that's when we rely on the ones we love To pull us back And give us something to hold on to.

� but i see you � � i'm standing across from you � � but i see you � � i've dreamt alone � Congratulations, congressman elect.

S-Serena, thank you.

� i've dreamt alone � Shouldn't you be in the ballroom? Probably.

Where's your better half? I don't know.

I was looking for her.

Then i realized this might be My last private moment for a while.

Well, i can leave.

No, it's okay.

Stay.

Please.

I'd love to have someone to sit with, Not talking about politics, not talking about anything.

You wanna tell me about it? No.

I-I don't think you want to hear this one.

I do.

Let your problem Be the first that i address as your elected representative.

Okay, congressman.

(Laughs) But i'm gonna warn you.

This one might need a special committee.

Uh, wait.

This sounds serious.

Bartender, i'll have what she's having.

Uh, i'll have another, please.

Thank you.

� but i see you � Then there are the clearly marked lines, The ones that if you dare cross, You may never find your way back.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, gossip girl.

(Laughs)

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

GOSSIP GIRL:
In Manhattan, some parties are VIP only.

Others are strictly private.

But some parties are political,
and those lines are drawn...

...by the most established
of the establishment.

[NATE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Hey, you wanna use that?

GOSSIP GIRL: And once those lines
are drawn, they can never be crossed.

A Michael Mann political thriller?

-That's good news.
KC [OVER PHONE]: Wonderful news.

My source tells me Michael's
only considering two actors for the lead:

-Patrick and Ryan Phillippe.
-Well, then he's in.

Ryan totally lost his mojo
after Reese got with Jake.

KC:
Don't "Jake" me, Serena.

Get Patrick's photo taken with politicians
at the Vanderbilt election party tonight.

-I can't.
KC: The producers will eat it up.

It'll help him get into character
for his audition next week.

I look forward to hearing how it goes.

The problem is I'm kind of on the outs
with the Vanderbilts right now.

Serena, what's PR rule number one?

"My only value is my social network."

But I'm afraid that network
is currently one Archibald short.

Make it happen. Clean up your mess,
or clean out your desk. No, that one.

[OLIVIA SIGHS AND DAN GRUNTS]

-Hey, how long you been awake?
-Not long.

Remind me to send the
Vanderbilt campaign a muffin basket.

Vanessa's been MIA
since she started that documentary.

She was here for 10 seconds yesterday.
I guess she's getting amazing footage.

The footage I wanna see
is your Jimmy Fallon appearance.

Dinner was great. I just wish
we'd gotten back in time to see it.

Yeah, sorry I dragged you
to that gelato shop.

I had a really bad sugar craving.

[DAN CHUCKLES]

-You know what? I bet it's online.
-No.

Uh, you can't watch it like that.
The quality's so bad, you know?

I'd rather you watch it in HD.

Okay. When? I'm sorry, I'm just excited.

It's been a while since I had a girlfriend
on a late-night talk show.

Um.... Well, I'm sure I can get a copy
from KC.

Okay.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SIGHS]

h*, h*. Watch out, it's Bathroom Boy.
Clear the way.

[BOY LAUGHS]

Okay. All right. Good morning to you too.

CHUCK:
Welcome to my new suite.

We patent the media system.
Interactive high-def 3-D gaming.

Instant access
to the world's largest media library.

And all in-house food, spa services,
just touch the button.

Blair's favorite part:
real-time surveillance playback.

It's naughty. Ha, ha.

Well, it certainly is a step up
from the Columbia dorms.

Most penthouses are, Nathaniel.

It has two bedrooms.
Feel free to crash any time you like.

-Tripp. Maureen.
TRIPP: Hey.

Hey, all this behind-the-scenes stuff
is really great.

Thanks again
for letting me film Tripp's campaign.

-No problem.
WILLIAM: Charles.

Well, you've outdone yourself.

I can't think of a better way
to christen the ballroom...

-...than with a Vanderbilt victory party.
-Your generosity will not be forgotten.

We're looking forward to tonight's event.

Thanks again, Chuck.
Even if the night ends in defeat...

-...at least we'll have a good party.
-Sweetie, don't talk like that.

This morning's poll numbers
aren't great.

We're down where we should be up.
We're barely hanging on.

-That's what makes it exciting, right?
-Excuse me.

He's right, Nathaniel.
Things aren't where they should be.

The Buckleys' dirty pool
is starting to work.

Thanks to Serena,
we weren't able to expose it.

-Well, isn't there something we can do?
-It's Election Day.

At this point, Nathaniel, it would
take nothing short of a miracle.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey. I was running errands.

KC asked me to drop off
your Jimmy Fallon interview.

Great. Guess that means you've seen it.

Yeah.

-I didn't mean what I said.
-Oh, don't worry about that.

-I'm sure Dan understands.
-He hasn't seen it.

I don't know what to do.
I have to fix this.

And, meanwhile, keep him away
from TV and Internet and strangers.

-Don't forget about Gossip Girl.
-I have to just keep him isolated.

-Oh, hey. What are you doing here?
-Um....

Serena just, uh, came by
to tell us how much she likes Patrick.

-Oh.
SERENA: Yeah, ha, ha.

Oddly, he's my favorite part of my job.
It's pretty fun having a fake relationship.

-Talk about no pressure.
OLIVIA: I'm slightly relieved.

I heard some pretty crazy stuff
about Patrick.

Supposedly he went method...

...after that Gus Van Sant movie he did
nobody saw.

His agents and KC are filtering
all the scripts that get to him.

He's been allowed
to read a political thriller.

-What's the worst thing he can do?
-As much as I enjoy my girlfriend...

...talking to my ex-girlfriend
about her fake boyfriend...

...who is also
my current girlfriend's ex...

...you could get us a copy
of that Fallon interview, right?

But first, um, Serena...

...you should get to Patrick's
before FedEx does with more scripts.

-Goodbye.
-Okay.

Bye.

S. I hope you're not here
looking for an apology.

I was just dropping something off
to Olivia.

That's right. I momentarily forgot...

...your job is more important
than your friends.

I have a couple minutes.
Wanna get a latte?

If by "getting a latte"
you mean apologizing, then I don't.

Out of respect
for our many years of friendship...

-...I'm willing to let what you did slide.
-What I did?

Okay, we both made decisions
that hurt the other.

We both feel badly. Now let's move on.

I have to go meet Chuck right now.

We've been prepping
for Tripp's election party tonight.

I notice you're not on the guest list.
And that can only mean one thing:

Nate still hates you
for whatever it is you did to him.

I'd check your sources, B.

And I am going tonight
with my handsome boyfriend, Patrick.

Your boyfriend's working the party.
Who are you going with?

-One of your knockoffs?
-Well, since you're so interested...

...I have made real friends here.
I just don't share your need to brag.

Okay.

Well, I can't wait to meet them tonight.

-I need a friend. Stat.
-I'm your friend.

[BLAIR SCOFFS]

Please. I'm not friends with staff.

[LINE RINGS]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

You need to get that?

No. It's not important.

NATE [ON MACHINE]:
This is Nate. Leave a message.

If this morning's polls
put you neck and neck with Sullivan...

...there's still time.
Why not let Grandfather help you?

Nate, I've said it before,
and I'll say it again:

I'd rather lose fair and square
than win with a dirty campaign.

Yeah, well, asking Grandfather for help
doesn't necessarily mean playing dirty.

VANESSA:
It's Election Day. Who are you voting for?

MAN 1: Hey, someone's drowning
over here! Call 911!

MAN 2:
Help! I can't swim!

-Help! I'm drowning!
WOMAN: Help him!

GOSSIP GIRL: It looks like Tripp's prayers
have been answered...

...with another miracle on the Hudson.

Are the Vanderbilts blessed
with good luck or good timing?

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]:
You're watching New York 1, news all day.

Just this morning, congressional
candidate Tripp Vanderbilt...

...rescued a man who was drowning
in the Hudson River.

One minute, I'm walking along the pier.

The next thing I know,
I lose my balance and I'm in the Hudson.

If it wasn't for this brave young man,
Tripp Vanderbilt--

-Vanderbilt was on his way to his....
-Ten hours till the polls close.

Let's seize the day.
Where are we with media?

I've locked down coverage
from every local station.

WILLIAM:
Call Couric. She owes me a favor.

Maybe she can squeeze
Tripp into the Evening News.

Can I speak with you?

Zogby has them neck and neck.
Rasmussen puts him up by a point.

Oh. Tripp, that's fantastic.

WILLIAM:
Remember, until the polls close...

...any time someone mentions
the name Tripp Vanderbilt...

...it should be followed
by the word "hero."

Well, I guess miracles do happen,
huh, Grandfather?

Our family is really blessed.
So is that man who almost died.

STRATEGIST 1:
William, can you take a look at this?

REPORTER [ON TV]: --remind them that
they do have an important voice in politics.

Absolutely. No, thank you.

-Thank you so, so much.
-Hey.

My rescue footage
is gonna be on the news.

William told me to go drum up interest.
I'm the only one who got it on tape.

-Congratulations. Have you seen Nate?
-Yeah, he's over there.

Tell him bye from me. I gotta go home
and get my tapes together.

-What are you doing?
-I left you a message. You never called.

As you can see, I've been sort of busy.
I have nothing to say to you.

SERENA:
Then I'll make it quick.

I need you to put me and Patrick Roberts
on the guest list for Tripp's party.

[SCOFFS]

-Are you kidding me?
-My job is at stake.

That's funny. So is my cousin's campaign,
thanks to you.

As far as I'm concerned, we're even.

You used me for your Buckley photo scam.
All I did was find out and undo it.

I wouldn't exactly call revenge
a solid foundation for a friendship.

Who said anything about friendship?
All I need is an invite, plus one.

-Serena.
-Tripp. Hey. I voted for you.

Thanks. You coming tonight?

Absolutely. I wouldn't miss it.

-Thanks, Nate.
STRATEGIST 2: Tripp, sign off on this?

BLAIR: Washington Square Park,
Bobst Library, Bar None.

I tried spinning the cube at
St. Mark's Place. Not a friend in sight.

-It wouldn't be this hard at Yale.
-What about that Vanessa girl?

Didn't you know her in high school?

I have never heard that name before
in my life.

Now, feel free to see yourself out.

Oh, my God. How does that girl
have the Valentino 360 bag?

-I'm still wait-listed.
-Who? Where?

At the register.

Quick. How do I look?

Superior.

[SIGHS]

No one follow me.

-I love your 360.
-Thanks. I just got it.

-And very smart to pair with Peter Som.
-You're good.

-I know. I'm Blair. May I?
-Oh, please, do.

[SIGHS]

The moment I saw it,
it joined my list of Blair's Most Wanted.

Believe me when I tell you--
I don't say this very often.

--but I think I like you.

Give me those Peep Toes,
and I'll believe you.

Sorry. My Alexandre Birman's
are sacred.

-Amen.
-Ha, ha.

By the way, I'm Brandeis.

How would you like to come with me
to a fabulous party tonight?

-"Mat." Are you joking?
DAN: No, not in the least.

It's going on the end of "door,"
which makes it a triple-word score.

-That's my son.
-Wow, the Humphreys are so serious...

-...about their Scrabble games.
-You two are so sweet...

...to come and entertain Jenny.

OLIVIA: She's been cooped up
with this virus for a week.

-When she called, how could we resist?
JENNY: Yeah, thank you guys so much.

Really getting sick of TV and Internet.

[JENNY'S CELL PHONE BEEPS]

[JENNY COUGHS
AND DAN'S CELL PHONE BEEPS]

-I need a SARS mask.
-Uh, can I borrow your phone?

-Yeah, go ahead.
-I keep leaving mine in the dorm.

[JENNY COUGHING]

All right, that's 33.
A whopping 33 points.

RUFUS: Uh, "jetdoorman," is that a word?
DAN: Well, it'd be "jetdoormat."

RUFUS: Oh, "jetdoormat."
DAN: SARS mask.

[SIGHS]

VANESSA [ON COMPUTER]:
Who are you voting for?

MAN [ON COMPUTER]:
I don't know. Tough question.

You know, I'm not really sure
who I'm gonna vote for--

[VIDEO REWINDING]

You know, I'm not really--

What?

MAN: --sure who I'm gonna vote for.
He's awful young....

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

-Wow. You look hot.
-Same.

-I have great news.
-Yeah, so do I.

-You first.
-I just finished reading a fantastic script.

The political thriller?

It's a remake of Leaving Las Vegas.
They wanna redo it with a younger cast.

-Where did you get those scripts?
-In the garbage. This one's amazing.

-Care to join me in a little research?
-No research.

Your team has been pushing very hard
for the political one.

I have worked my butt off
to get you into this party.

But Miley Cyrus has already signed on
to play the Elisabeth Shue role.

They must've seen her on that pole
at the TCAs.

We don't have time to talk about this.
You need to get ready.

This party is a very big deal
for both of us.

There will be tons of important political
people there. Tonight, forget Vegas.

It's all about D.C. Okay?

Put on some clothes, please.

Hey, Vanessa.

Listen, I'm really busy.
This couldn't wait?

Honestly, no.

And I thought it'd be better to talk
away from the campaign chaos.

Hmm. I'm in a really awkward position...

...so I'm just gonna say
what I have to say.

Okay.

What happened at the Hudson
this morning wasn't what it looked like.

What do you mean?

The guy you and Tripp saved,
he didn't fall.

I think it was set up.

[SCOFFS]

-That's ridiculous.
-I have it all on tape.

-Has anyone else seen the footage?
-No.

But I already agreed
to sell it to New York 1.

I'm going to meet Caroline Lowe,
one of the producers, at Cafeteria.

Whoa, wait. Vanessa, if you do that--

I'm sorry, but if I just sit on it,
I become part of a cover-up.

Listen, the polls close in a few hours.
Can you just wait?

I wish I could.
But this is not some high-school thing.

This is someone running
for public office, Nate.

Yeah, but there's gotta be
some sort of explanation.

Someone set Tripp up to look like
a hero, and I think we know...

...the person most likely to orchestrate
something like that is your grandfather.

I have so much respect for Tripp...

...and he has been so generous
to let me film his campaign.

Should I warn him
so he can prepare for damage control?

Don't worry about telling Tripp.
Okay? I'll tell him.

-I'm sorry, Nate.
-No.

GOSSIP GIRL:
This election may be too close to call...

...but when it's his family's honor
or his own...

...Nate Archibald has the number
on speed dial.

Yes. New York 1, please.

Caroline Lowe.

Wow, thank you so much
for explaining that.

Hey, we were just discussing
the Senate Committee on Appropriations.

-Maybe you'd like to join us.
-Oh, yeah.

-Hello.
-Thank you so much.

See? Isn't this great?
You've got the perfect Capitol Hill vibe.

-I gotta hit the can.
-Okay.

[SIGHS]

-Right. Yeah.
-Yeah.

Do you wanna...?

Oh, my God. That's Senator Proctor.

Wow. You really do know everyone.

Oh, I don't know everyone.
I'll be right back.

-Hey, Blair.
-Hey.

Do you see that gorgeous blond
talking to those high-profile politicians?

That's my best friend.
She knows most of them personally.

Oh, that's great. Political connections
aren't the first thing...

-...most people look for in friends.
-They must really love her.

They seemed thrilled to meet me.
They even asked if we were sisters.

I can't wait for you to meet Patrick.
He's getting me a drink.

-I feel so lucky. He's so attentive.
-It doesn't take much, does it?

What? No one's ever accused you
of saying no.

[SCOFFS]

Hey, where is the Scrabble dictionary?
I swear "squiffy" is a word.

Oh. Uh....

"Scrabble dictionary."

"Bathroom Boy"?

Ah.

You know our next guest
from the Endless Knights movie franchise.

Please welcome
the lovely Olivia Burke, everybody.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING ON COMPUTER]

She's cute.

REPORTER [ON TV]: --many years
in the private sector, and after retiring...

...served four years in City Council
and 10 in the State Legislature.

He was a supporter of John McCain,
stumping for him...

...all across rural upstate New York
in the 2008 presidential race.

Someone just told me
you're Vanessa Abrams. Is that right?

-Yeah.
-So who did you sell the footage to?

My office called, said that you sold
your rescue footage to another network.

Yeah, I sold it to New York 1, actually.
A woman named Caroline Lowe.

-I met her two hours ago.
-I'm Caroline Lowe.

So who was the woman
in the restaurant?

REPORTER: As far as first-time voters go,
the high turnout can be credited...

...to the 2008 election in which....

Finally. It's your turn.

I just realized I have an Environmental
Studies paper due tomorrow.

-Wait, um.... I'll just get my stuff.
-You know what? Stay. You're winning.

And you gotta keep Jenny company.
I'll text you later, okay?

Did my son just walk out
before playing a Q on a double letter?

That is so not the Humphrey way.

My computer.

[GROANS]

RUFUS: Hmm.
LILY: Hmm.

You know, I am sensing
something else is going on here.

Well, you didn't actually think...

...they wanted to play five hours' worth
of board games with us...

-...did you?
-Mm.

[SIGHS]

Looking for your boyfriend?

Uh.... No, he's probably getting mobbed
by fans right now.

-He's just stolen away to get us a drink.
-Doubt it.

Because he downed both your drinks,
and then ordered two more for himself.

-Where is he?
-Don't worry. I took care of it.

I had him taken up to a suite.

-What? Why?
-He's bombed.

Drunker than Paula Abdul
during Hollywood Week.

Heh. Are you really that jealous
that he's here with me?

S, you know wasted
better than most of us...

...having been in that state
so many times.

You met your match.
Since I just found out...

...that your date is really work,
pay closer attention to him next time.

This is Nate's big night at Chuck's hotel.
So, sorry, S, I did what I had to do.

Again.

So you're out with this guy, he goes to
the bathroom, when he comes back....

It was our first date. He goes to
the restroom, when he comes back...

-...his shirt was on inside-out.
-Check, please.

That's where you go.
That's when you get out.

-That's when you have to leave.
-I find out later...

...that he walked into a spiderweb,
and a spider crawled inside his shirt.

Yeah, the old spider excuse.
We've all used that one before.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON COMPUTER]

Yeah, the old,
"Oh, a spider came down my shirt.

And that's why I had to take my shirt off."

Okay, yeah, that's-- I believe that.
Yeah, I would believe that one.

And now,
are you still dating Bathroom Boy?

-Or was he arrested? I don't know.
-Jimmy. You know what?

Tomorrow is our one-month anniversary.

-Oh, my gosh. Congratulations.
-Yeah, it's big.

In honor, I'll be taking my clothes off
in the bathroom, then redressing myself.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON COMPUTER]

-And after all that Scrabble.
-I can't believe I told that story...

...on national television.
He must hate me.

Please pick up, please pick up,
please pick up.

It went to voicemail.

Hey, it's me.

I know that you're not picking up
because you must be so mad at me.

Please know that I'm so, so sorry.

SERENA:
Patrick.

Patrick.

Patrick!

-Patrick! What are you doing?
-Whoa!

-I told you how important tonight was.
-Serena.

[LAUGHS THEN SIGHS]

Do you think Blair had me thrown out
because I was a little tipsy...

...or because I was talking to that
high-priced call-girl friend of hers?

What did you just say?

-Why'd you do it?
NATE: Do what?

Nate. You were the only one who knew
I had a meeting to sell the footage.

-I had to protect Tripp.
-I came to you, as a friend.

Don't be so self-righteous. You were
selling the footage to further your career.

-That is not true.
-Oh, so you weren't excited...

...to see your name flash
on every television in Manhattan?

I'll let you know
how that feels in a minute.

-What does that mean?
-Everybody, quiet.

REPORTER [ON TV]:
--with breaking news.

We are just now getting reports that
footage of the Hudson River rescue...

...reveals Tripp Vanderbilt's heroic act
might not be so heroic.

After close inspection of the footage,
it's apparent the man...

...deliberately went
into the Hudson River.

GOSSIP GIRL: The polls are closed and
Gossip Girl is calling this election dirty.

It remains to be seen
who's responsible for this hoax.

Someone in the Vanderbilt camp?
Maybe the candidate himself?

[PHONES RINGING]

-Grandfather.
REPORTER [ON TV]: The effect on polls...

...is impossible to measure.

All right, could someone
just turn that off?

And please just give us
a moment of privacy. Thank you.

I can't believe you would
compromise my integrity like this.

-Take a deep breath, Tripp.
-You didn't believe I could win...

-...did you?
-Honestly, I had my doubts.

-But I did not do this.
-The hell you didn't.

Tripp, just calm down.

Listen to me very carefully, Grandfather.

If you don't go
and take responsibility for this...

...then I will. By stepping out of the race.

I'm not gonna go
in front of the cameras and lie.

Oh, come on, Grandfather,
it's time to come clean.

I give you my word,
I'm not responsible for this.

Unfortunately for the both of us,
your word means nothing anymore.

Well, if you are both done...

...I'm going to go down
and join the celebration.

[NATE SIGHS]

Gather the press, Nate.

I'm gonna announce
my official withdrawal.

I just have to tell Maureen first.

I know I'm an enemy of the state
right now.

What happened to you, Nate?

The guy I used to call my friend
had a moral compass.

Right now, I'm thinking
I'm just gonna go for my masters...

-...but who knows?
-Sorry to interrupt.

-Brandeis, right? I'm Serena.
-Hi, Serena. This is Congressman Wade.

Pleasure to meet you.
And are you a student like Brandeis?

No, I'm just a regular old working girl.

Really? And do you two work together?
Because maybe the three of us--

Congressman. You've been
campaigning a little too hard.

[WADE & BRANDEIS LAUGH]

Let me guess, you wanna go upstairs
and see if two blonds make a right?

Excuse us.

I'm sorry, I thought I was
working this party alone.

Did the agency send you?

No, you're right.
This party is all yours. Excuse me.

REPORTER:
As a friend, what do you have to say...

...about the allegation Tripp Vanderbilt's
heroism might have been staged?

-I'm a businessman, not a politician.
-How will it affect your business...

...if the Empire's inaugural event
is mired in scandal?

Look, you think anyone goes
to the Mercer for the maid service?

They wanna see Russell Crowe
throw a hissy.

Anyway, nothing happens
at the Empire without my say-so.

GUARD:
Will you please come with me?

-Hey.
-Sir, I need you to put some pants on.

PATRICK:
Where are you taking me?

[WOMEN LAUGH]

SERENA: What are you doing, Blair,
looking for your best friend?

Bad news,
security just escorted her out...

...in time to avoid
a major political scandal.

You're kidding me.
Now we're doing tit for tat?

She was an escort, a high-priced hooker.

[SCOFFS]

You're ridiculous. Brandeis
is not a call girl, she's a psych major.

-Who told you that?
-Patrick.

The guy is wasted.
He thought Chuck Schumer was his father.

-You're just trying to get back at me.
-No, I'm looking out for Chuck and Nate.

I doubt Chuck would want a prost*tute
at his hotel. Especially this party.

Patrick was about to cause a scene.

I was protecting everyone. Including you.

What are you talking about?

Look, ladies, please.
This is supposed to be a classy event...

...not a sample sale at a mall.

You'll never believe what Serena did.
She had my friend kicked out.

The call girl? Security just told me.

[SPUTTERS]

No, I promise you,
Brandeis is not an escort.

Serena's just getting even with me.

I don't know what's going on...

...but I'll find her
and get to the bottom of it, okay?

Thank you, Chuck.

Who's the one getting paid
to date her clients, anyway?

-That's enough, Blair.
BLAIR: No.

If it walks like a duck
and talks like a duck....

The only prost*tute here is you.

Come on, Chuck. I want some cake.

[BLAIR GRUNTS THEN GASPS]

GOSSIP GIRL:
Blair and Serena at w*r again. Yummy.

-Hey, let me go first.
-Nate, it's okay. I know what I'm doing.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Hi. My name is Nate Archibald.

I'm Tripp Vanderbilt's cousin.

And I know there's a lot of buzz
going around...

...about what happened
this morning at the Hudson River.

And it saddens me to tell you all
that the story about it being a hoax...

...it is true.

[CROWD MURMURING]

However, my cousin Tripp Vanderbilt
had no knowledge of any kind of setup.

My cousin is not only
the most moral, honest...

...and courageous guy I know...

...he's still a hero.

And how do I know this?

Because I'm the one who set it up.

[CROWD GASPING AND MURMURING]

-What the hell is wrong with you?
-Right now? Thirst. I need a drink.

She called me a prost*tute.

-Why did she do that?
-I'm not sleeping with Patrick.

You know what a prost*tute does.

Blair attacked you
because she misses you.

Don't tell me
you can't read Waldorf subtext.

I shouldn't have to. If that's what
she's feeling, she should tell me.

-It's time to grow up.
-This from someone...

...who just pushed her best friend
into a cake?

Look, you think your friendship
is going to take care of itself?

You're not kids anymore.

You can't say you hate each other
and then make up an hour later.

-You tell her that.
CHUCK: I'm telling you.

And you should careful, because
one day you're gonna find yourself...

...telling people about Blair Waldorf,
the girl who used to be your best friend.

[KNOCKING]

-Hi. I got your text.
-All it said was--

"Maybe we should talk."
And so I just came right away.

I'm sorry about Fallon.

Up till now, my publicists
would decide everything for me...

...what I'd talk about during interviews
and even script what I would say.

And just this one time,
I wanted to just be myself...

...and go out there and be me.
And, ugh, I bombed.

-What? No, you didn't. It was funny.
-And today, you left...

...and I knew-- I knew that I'd hurt you.

And our first date meant so much to me.

Olivia, Fallon was right.

The spider story isn't even true.

OLIVIA:
What is this?

You wanna know the truth
about our first date?

There was no spider.

I was so nervous that I was with you,
I kept sweating through my shirt.

I was running to the bathroom
to use the dryer--

-Ha-ha-ha.
-This isn't funny. Don't laugh.

No-- Ha-ha-ha, I'm really trying not to.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Then today, I rushed out of Scrabble
because I'd seen your interview...

...where you told the world that
today was our one-month anniversary.

I'm usually very on the ball...

-...with these things.
-Stop.

You're amazing.

You're not the only one
with a surprise today.

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: You're watching
New York 1, news all evening.

Before we return to the race for mayor,
we wanna take you...

...to the congressional election,
which couldn't be any closer.

[ON TV] At this time,
with 85 percent of the votes counted...

...Mike Sullivan has 49,837 votes....

Hey, what are you doing down here?
Get back to your party.

I was hoping you'd still be here.

I wanted to thank you for the sacrifice
you made on that stage tonight.

-For me.
-Hey, I was happy to.

Because I believe in you.

REPORTER: Here it is.
We are prepared to call this election...

-...in favor of newcomer...
-Apparently New York does too.

...26-year-old William Vanderbilt III...

...affectionately known
to those around him as "Tripp."

That is right, with 96 percent
of the vote counted....

-I won.
-Yeah, you did.

-Just do me one favor though.
-Anything.

Be the best congressman
this district's ever seen.

I have complete faith in you.

After all, I mean, you're the only
honest man in our family.

-Congrats. You deserve it.
-Thanks.

Better get going before we're seen
together and a scandal erupts.

I promise you, one day,
I will make things right. I will fix this.

This is the beginning
of a new Vanderbilt dynasty.

One we can be proud of.

REPORTER:
For those of you just tuning in....

MAUREEN:
Congratulations! Ha, ha.

I'm so proud of you.

Stay away from me.

Blair, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that...

...but whether it was Patrick tonight
or KC's clients at Chuck's party...

...a real friend would've come to me
with the problem...

-...and we would've solved it together.
-Seriously, Serena?

After 18 years of this,
I actually feel sorry for you.

You're so deep in Serena World,
you can't recognize...

...what's really going on.

Throughout all my years with Nate...

...my whole life, really,
you've always been number one.

And now, for the first time,
things are different.

I'm different. I have college
and a real relationship.

I'm starting to build a life for myself.

I'm building a life for myself too.

With Carter? Your job
as an assistant to a publicist...

...who pays you to date
a wacked-out movie star?

You're drifting away from Dan and
your family. And you've lost Nate...

...one of your oldest friends.

This night is finally over.

And as far as I'm concerned,
so are we.

GOSSIP GIRL: Who would have thought
that S and B's friendship had a term limit?

Sorry, ladies. Party's over.

Thank you.

Hey, Brandeis. I thought you'd be
long gone by now.

-Hey, Blair. Great party.
-I am so sorry.

I can't believe Serena told everyone
you were a prost*tute.

-That is, like, so crazy.
-Well, to be honest...

...it's not that crazy.

-How so?
-It's true. I'm a working girl.

-I wanted to tell you, but we just met.
-Ew.

-Do you even go to school at NYU?
-Yes. And I am a psych major.

Ask me anything. Freud, Skinner, Piaget.
I'm still the same person, Blair.

This is just how I pay for college
and couture.

Huh.

Well, I have to run it by my people,
but we can still shop together perhaps.

Absolutely. But right now...

...I got a job.

-You used me to meet new clients?
-Sorry, but I'm new to the Big Apple.

And rotten to the core.

Okay, come on.
Come on. Let's get you in.

-Easy. Come on, watch your head.
-Hey, come on, let's go to Bar Boulud.

-No.
-You have to. You're my girlfriend.

I can't be seen without you, remember?

[SERENA SIGHS]

That's what you get paid for.

SERENA: Here you go.
Come on, 710 East 76th Street.

Tell Ms. Cunningham
she has a delivery.

[SIGHS]

I think Nathaniel was brilliant tonight,
don't you?

Brilliant? Foolish is more like it.

Come on, William,
even you have to admit it...

...this couldn't have worked any better
if it was planned.

You.

All this time you thought
the only thing I was capable of...

...was holding his hand
and smiling on the sidelines.

To be honest, my dear,
I never really spent that much time...

-...thinking about you.
-Well, your loss is my gain.

My husband is a congressman,
and thanks to Vanessa's camera...

...you're out of our lives for good.
Finally, Tripp can be his own man.

-My man.
-You think I'm just gonna stand aside...

...and let myself be collateral damage?

I'll tell him.

You don't exactly have
a lot of credibility right now.

Who's he going to believe?

I thought you said you were going home.

I changed my mind.

Well, If I'd known,
I would have come sooner.

Did you ever find Brandeis?

Yes.

But we're not friends anymore.

But that's okay. I have you.

That's all I need.

REPORTER [ON COMPUTER]: Last year
the front page of every major newspaper...

...had coverage of
Tripp and Maureen Vanderbilt's marriage.

Dignitaries across the world attended.

GOSSIP GIRL: Sometimes it's hard
to see the lines we've drawn...

...until we cross them.

JIMMY FALLON [ON TV]: Sake? This
is huge for sake cups. You know what?

I wanna say something.
We wanna apologize for last time.

I was hard on your boyfriend. I apologize.

So, Dan, if you're watching,
we wanted to say happy anniversary.

Aw.

JIMMY FALLON: Happy anniversary.
OLIVIA [ON TV]: Thank you.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I'm very sorry, Dan.

That's when we rely
on the ones we love to pull us back...

...and give us something to hold on to.

Congratulations, congressman-elect.

Serena, thank you.

-Shouldn't you be in the ballroom?
-Probably.

-Where's your better half?
-I don't know.

I was looking for her...

...then I realized this might be
my last private moment for a while.

-Well, I can leave.
-That's okay. Stay. Please.

I'd love to have someone to sit with.
Not talking about politics...

...not talking about anything.

You wanna tell me about it?

No, I don't think you wanna hear
this one.

I do. We'll let your problem
be the first that I address...

...as your elected representative.

Okay, congressman. Ha, ha.

But I'm gonna warn you, this one
might need a special committee.

Wait, this sounds serious.
Bartender, I'll have what she's having.

I'll have another, please. Thank you.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Then there are the clearly marked lines.

The ones that if you dare cross,
you may never find your way back.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.