3x20 - It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World

[bunniefuu]

Gossip girl here-your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

I raided Lily's medicine cabinet.

She sometimes gets headaches.

That's a hell of a headache.

I think we need a second opinion.

Even if you do go with another doctor, - I'm gonna stick around.

Aren't you Blair Waldorf? We haven't read about you on "Gossip Girl" in forever.

You read "Gossip Girl"? Of course.

Everyone at Columbia does.

I called your cell to explain everything.

I even left a message with Jenny.

She's lying.

I never talked to her.

Just get out.

There's only one spot for transfer students, and I didn't get it.

It was me.

I got the spot.

Why weren't you honest with me? What, like you were honest with me, going behind my back to apply for the one thing I wanted more than anything? The reason I couldn't talk to you earlier it's not about my dad.

It was about my mom.

She's sick, and I don't know what's gonna happen.

It's not working exactly as I'd hoped.

I need you to write Lily another prescription.

I doubt the authorities would be pleased to know what you've been doing.

Subbed by RDV It's said that we're all strapped to fortune's wheel Nowhere is this truer than the ever-changing landscape of love.

As one couple enjoys an upswing another is plunged downwards.

But top or bottom, don't get too comfortable, because the one thing you can rely on is that the wheel will keep on turning.

All right, I'm heading to my mom's for breakfast.

Hey, hey, hey.

You're coming in late and leaving early all week.

I'm starting to feel cheap.

Oh, I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately.

Just with everything going so well with my dad Hey, Serena, no worries.

Okay? - Mm.

Look, I love being your crash pad, but, you know, maybe you'd feel better if you moved back in - with your mom while she's getting her treatment.

And have to see Jenny's lying face first thing in the morning? No, thank you.

That is not the same girl Chuck came home with last night.

Has he, uh, come to talk to Lily yet? Do you want me to talk to him? No, I already tried, but thank you.

I'm gonna come to your lacrosse game after brunch.

Judge away.

Shame turns me on.

Hey, man, she's going to Lily's for brunch.

Maybe a stack of waffles will help your hangover? I find the cause is the best cure.

I gotta go.

So I will see you later at the library, and I'm sorry about before with the Tisch catalog.

It's fine.

Dan, I don't know how to do this.

We've been tiptoeing around each other for days.

Look, we're we're two artists in a relationship, and sometimes we're gonna be competing for the same things, so, all right, we're we're we're smart people.

Let's come up with some rules, a list of topics that are off-limits.

Isn't that what got us in trouble with Tisch? No, no.

This will be different, because we'll know what we don't know.

Hey, listen to me.

I'm quoting Donald Rumsfeld.

Okay, until the sting of Tisch has worn off, I I don't think we should talk about classes.

Like, if if you're taking playwriting with Sam Shepard, it may hurt my heart, but if you take intro to mime, I need to know everything.

I want to be with you when you buy your leotard and your beret.

Playwriting competitions I think we can go out for the same ones, but we can't read each other's submissions.

And looking forward, I guess it's the same thing with internships and jobs.

So the only things we can talk about openly are are politics, "Jersey Shore" And where we want to eat which reminds me, I actually, um, I need to get ready.

I'm gonna be late for breakfast at my dad's.

Are you sure you don't want to come? No, I'm sorry.

I, uh, I have something.

Oh, oh, is it something related to our list? Actually, yeah.

Well, thank you for not sharing.

See? I can't believe how much easier that is.

Ooh! Another sext session with your new b.

f.

? Okay, I'd hardly call Elliot a boyfriend.

Between me spending all my time with my mom and him being in every club in school, we haven't even been on a first date.

Hey.

Still using cooking as therapy? - Yeah.

Ooh.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Good morning, everyone.

Oh, look at all of this food.

It's obscene.

You okay? How are you feeling? - Can I get you something? Please, everyone, relax.

What I need is for the people who love me to treat me like they always do.

Has anybody heard from Chuck? Yeah, uh, he's he's sorry he couldn't make it.

Charles has the right idea.

If he were here, then I'd really worry.

Anyway, one thing I'll say about William's treatment Is that I have not lost my appetite.

I want waffles.

Music to my ears.

Dad.

What's he doing here? - I invited him.

Hmm.

Looks great, Lil.

Really great.

So I hope you'll all join me for this Doctors Without Borders gala tomorrow at Columbia.

I must admit, I feel a bit silly about the whole thing.

Clearly, Columbia's run out of alumni to honor, if the best they could come up with is me.

False humility-check.

I'll be there.

I hope you don't mind.

I invited Nate and Blair.

I really want them to get to know you.

Terrific.

I'd be honored.

Well, Rufus and I would love to come.

Uh, why don't you grab a plate? Help yourself.

What? He left when I was 2.

The man's a total stranger to me.

You have to at least give him a chance.

No, I don't.

Okay, everyone.

Let's sit down and enjoy this wonderful food.

Dad, here.

Sit here.

Rufus, scoot over, please.

Please.

Thank you.

Hey, Blair, what's up? I thought I'd come and watch your lacrosse game.

So if you could make sure that there's a seat for me in V.

I.

P.

, preferably next to an injured cute player, but not one on scholarship.

Since when do you care about lacrosse? - Since I desperately needed to get away from N.

Y.

U.

Everyone's planning their living arrangements for next year.

It's so depressing.

I thought your friends asked you to live with them.

In a postwar building on a street that's not even numbered.

It's lettered.

And its big selling point is that it's above a falafel stand.

All right, well, listen, hey, I gotta go.

There's no V.

I.

P.

area, but there's a nice set of bleachers.

Blair? You probably don't remember us, but we met you at your mom's fashion show.

Uh, yeah, of course.

Hair band girl.

I never forget a good accessory.

We're celebrating.

We just got the most amazing apartment ever.

You would totally approve prewar, doorman, and the best part Fauchon is supposedly opening up next door.

Can I ask you something? What do you think about falafel? Ew.

Isn't that the kind of food paralegals eat? I never thought I'd see Blair Waldorf on the upper West Side.

Unless oh, my God.

Are you transferring to Columbia? - I hope so.

N.

Y.

U.

is so beneath you.

I it's true! I'm a Columbia girl now.

As you should be.

Yay! You know, the last time I was invited to a ceremony in my honor, I had to slaughter a chicken.

Well, at least you've been honored.

I've I've never been honored, I did win a contest once at boarding school, and I think there was a plaque, - but I'm not sure that really counts.

What kind of contest? It was for drinking hot chocolate - at the winter fair.

I had a buddy that went to Exeter, and the stories he tells would make Keith Richards blush.

Yeah, well, um I wasn't really into the party scene.

I was there more for the academics.

It sounds like you've made some great choices, Serena.

I'm glad.

The bad ones have a way of following you.

You know, I've never heard that hot chocolate story.

Yeah, well, there are a lot of stories you haven't heard.

True, but I did hear this one.

My ex-boyfriend went to boarding school with Serena, and he tells a great one about her and this teacher one night - at a bed-and-breakfast - Jenny.

Although I'm sure they were just studying.

You know, like she says, she was all about the academics.

I have an announcement, everyone.

I've decided I'm moving back in.

That way, I can be here with you, mom.

And it'll just be really great to be back in my old room again.

Don't worry, Jenny.

We'll we'll find a place for you.

Well, that's great, because I'm moving in, too.

Downstairs.

I was waiting to tell you until the board approved my sublet tomorrow.

But I'm very excited.

All my family together under one roof again.

Better watch out, Humphreys.

They say love makes a family, but on the Upper East Side, everyone knows it's real estate.

Hey, dad, I'm sorry I'm running so late.

Can you save me a waffle? - Always.

I'll put one in the oven for you.

Uh, how's Lily? - She's great.

And you? How you holding up? I mean, it must be weird.

Lily's ex-husband is now her doctor.

It was at first.

But the fact is, - he's just her doctor now.

I'm her husband.

Uh, by the way, Vanessa can't make it.

Said she had to be somewhere.

Oh, right.

The, um, internship at CNN.

They called me as one of the references she listed.

Ah.

Yeah, I I wouldn't know.

She and I are keeping our creative lives separate right now.

Uh, you might wanna discuss this one, since it involves her going to Haiti for three months.

You know what, dad? - I think I'm gonna have to cancel that waffle.

Okay.

All right.

See you.

Hey.

Um I know this gala tomorrow night seems boring, but I thought, uh, if there's a girl you like, - perhaps you'd like to invite her.

Actually, I'm g*y.

So if I was going, which I'm not, then my date would be a guy named Elliot.

That's cool.

Uh Bring Elliot.

I'd love to meet him Please stop acting like you and I have any kind of relationship.

You're right.

Um I have a lot to make up for.

I'm sorry.

The window for that closed somewhere between my 12th birthday and, um My suicide attempt.

Don't worry.

I'm fine now.

Going through all that without a father made me realize that I don't need one.

I understand that I've lost the right to be a father to you, but If there's any way that we can get to know each other on your terms Serena may want a relationship with you, but I don't.

Serena, stop it! You can't do that.

The room was on loan, and I'm taking it back.

And I don't care if I did leave it in the closet.

Borrowing without asking is stealing, Jenny.

Dad, tell her to stop! Uh, Serena, please.

I think it's great that you're moving back in, but this is Jenny's room now.

All her things are here.

You can stay in Chuck's old room.

No way.

That room is haunted by Chuck's depravity.

Jenny can take it.

I'm sure it wouldn't bother you.

Okay, what what's going on with you two? Nothing.

Fine.

Whatever.

Serena can have her old room back.

All right, that's ridiculous.

Serena, I'll have Laryssa make up Chuck's bed for you.

I'm confident that there's no depravity that brand-new E.

Braun sheets can't erase.

How many problems does Jenny have to cause before you realize she's the problem? Hey.

Hey.

Thanks for meeting me here.

The library started did you apply for a documentary internship in Haiti? Yeah.

The producer just called.

I I got the job.

When were you planning on telling me about this? This morning, and then you put internships on the "do not discuss" list, - and I panicked.

Why? Why? This is not about competing for something.

This is this is about our relationship.

But both of those have been so tied up in each other, and this job is a huge deal for me, Dan.

But you can't pretend like you going away for three months - is not gonna affect us.

I think I didn't wanna face that.

It was just so much easier when we were just friends - and we could talk about things.

All right, is is that what you want, then? You wanna go back to just friends? I don't know.

Anyway, uh, Serena might be a little upset.

Well, you were right.

She can stay in Charles' room.

It's getting crowded around here.

No kidding.

Throw in your ex-husband, and now we're a Nancy Meyers movie.

I hope you don't mind.

I know it's awkward.

Well, I mean, it is a little unusual, don't you think, for a doctor to move in to his patient's building? Well, not if he's the father of the patient's children.

What are you getting at? Is it possible that Will's also trying to get close to you? Absolutely not.

I'm the one that told William to stay away if he couldn't make good on the promises he made to the children.

And I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable for you.

But if William wants to move in to be closer to the kids, I'm not gonna stand in his way.

Mmm.

Holland? Hi, it's Rufus.

Um I have a favor to ask.

And the social scene at N.

Y.

U.

was criminal.

Ten freshmen, a keg and a tub of hummus on a card table isn't a party.

It's a tragedy.

Hmm.

Blair Waldorf just got a text.

It's like watching Lady Gaga set fire to a piano! Who's it from? Serena.

Apparently, Jenny Humphrey is claiming squatter's rights - on her old room.

It's disgusting.

Oh, my God.

Jenny can't do that to Serena Van Der Woodsen.

So what's the plan of attack? It's between Serena and Jenny.

Anyway, I've had some recent bad luck getting involved in real estate disputes.

So I was thinking Warren-Tricomi mani/pedis? I told you.

It doesn't matter if she transfers.

Blair Waldorf was over the minute she became a student at N.

Y.

U.

Are you third personing me? I third person people, not you! Exactly.

You're Blair Waldorf fashion icon, queen B.

And probably the future president of the United States.

Or Chanel.

Jenny Humphrey just kicked Serena Van Der Woodsen out of her room, and you're not gonna do anything? I would.

I just don't have any dirt on Jenny right now.

Ahem.

I do.

Jenny and her boyfriend sold my boyfriend Adderall a couple of months ago.

Lose the judge-face, Zoe.

He took a very heavy course load this semester.

Jenny Humphrey, drug dealer.

I can work with that.

We hear Blair Waldorf's headed for a comeback.

But if she wants to keep her fans happy - Send.

She better keep serving up the hits.

Sleep well? - Don't even, Serena.

I can't believe you posted on "Gossip Girl" - that I'm a drug dealer.

I didn't post anything.

Fine.

Maybe you didn't send the actual e-mail, - but everyone knows you have Blair do your dirty work.

I can't help what Blair does.

And you are the one who played Pablo Escobar - to underage preppy pill poppers.

My dad and I were finally in a good place after a really, really bad patch.

And if he finds this out, it'll destroy everything.

Well, maybe Rufus should know that his daughter is dealing drugs.

After all, you thought my father should know all my adventures at boarding school.

Fine.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but maybe you shouldn't be lying to your dad.

Are you really lecturing me about lying to a parent? - My dad knows who I am, but you're building a relationship with yours that's a complete lie.

I can't believe that you are willing to destroy my relationship with my father because you're too scared that yours won't love you for who you really are.

You were right.

We need to make these decisions together.

But the truth is, consulting with someone else - doesn't come easily to me.

I get it.

Vanessa, I totally support you going.

Thank you, but I'm not taking the internship.

I'd rather lose the job than lose you.

You're not gonna lose me if you go to Haiti.

We're we're we're gonna find a way to make this work.

All right? But you gotta go.

I don't want to, and we both know it's better for our relationship if I stayed.

I mean, three months is too long, and I just wanna be with you.

Are you sure? You're you're making this decision for you? Not me? Not not not even us? Uh okay.

Let's find a way to celebrate tonight, then a fun way.

We could, uh let's see.

You want to sneak 40s into the midnight showing of "The lost weekend" - at film forum? Yeah.

Actually, I'm supposed to have drinks with the woman from CNN, and I owe it to her - to tell her my decision face to face.

Okay.

All right.

Well, uh, tomorrow night, then.

Absolutely.

Blair.

Hey.

You never made it to my lacrosse game yesterday.

What are you doing? I could ask you the same question.

Does Serena know you're trying to pull off plaid? - Seriously, Blair, I expected Chuck to go back to his old habits after your breakup, - but I'd actually thought you'd grown up a little.

Whatever do you mean? Blair Waldorf on the upper West Side two days in a row? It pretty much looks like you're pretending to be a Columbia student, and not that I care much about what Jenny Humphrey does these days, - but I saw that smackdown on "Gossip Girl.

" - She was dealing drugs.

It's called an intervention.

It's called you going back to plotting and conniving, okay, and that's the Waldorf equivalent of Chuck going around, sleeping with every call girl in the city and avoiding any kind of emotional contact.

Okay.

So I'm pretending to be a student here.

But it's only because I'm living a nightmare.

I'm trapped at N.

Y.

U.

, and and it's too late to transfer.

So what's wrong with cheering myself up with a little denial and a "Gossip Girl" blast or two? Nothing, I guess, but you can always make it right with whoever you take down online.

And who knows if Chuck's even gonna have time to do that with Lily or not? Morning, sunshine.

I've got the Dom '95, your favorite.

No, thank you.

And I much prefer Roederer nowadays.

Oh, I apologize.

Nadine left behind some of her intimates.

She must have wanted an excuse to come back.

Or maybe she just left in a hurry.

If you're here to mock me, I'm not in the mood Unless you have some punishment in mind.

We've broken up, Chuck, and frankly, I don't care what you do.

But I can't sit by and just watch you avoid Lily.

I'm actually quite busy with work.

Well, you had time for Nadine.

Trust me, she was work.

And I promise you, Lily is not sitting around, wondering when she's going to hear from Chuck Bass.

Justify not seeing Lily all you want.

You and I both know what this is.

You've lost Bart, Elizabeth betrayed you, and the thought of losing Lily terrifies you.

Please.

Spare me your N.

Y.

U.

freshman psych analysis.

Perhaps if you were at an Ivy, you'd have better insight.

Spotted B.

Claiming to be a co-ed at Columbia, when everyone knows she's a zero at N.

Y.

U.

Poor B.

First she lost Chuck and now her dignity.

"Gossip Girl" blast? - No, it's nothing.

Look, Chuck, sleep with every Nadine in town for all I care, but don't close your heart to Lily.

You and I both know that in the end, the person you'll end up hurting the most is you.

Amalia, it's Blair.

Are you still waiting on me to sign the lease? Well, tell the girls it's a yes.

I'll take the apartment.

You make your bed, you lie in it, B.

Too bad yours is in the east village.

Hey.

Were you able to convince your brother to come tonight? - No.

And please don't act like you care.

I'm sorry? - I just got off the phone with my dad.

Apparently, someone didn't want him living in the building, so they gave him a bad recommendation, and it worked.

The board didn't approve him.

You're behind this, right? I am.

How could you do that? - I don't expect you to understand, Serena, but I felt like it was the right thing to do.

Look, I know you and my father used to hate each other, but that was a long time ago.

You are the only one - still having this fight.

He has moved on.

Is everything okay? Rufus went to the board and blocked dad from getting the apartment.

Serena, that's absurd.

Rufus would never do something like that.

I would, to protect my marriage.

I don't trust William's intention, and I don't want him living under my roof.

Rufus, you're being completely paranoid.

At first he tried he tried to isolate you from your family, and now he's moving into the building to get closer to you.

I told you, he's moving in to be close to the children.

All I see here is jealousy run amok.

Mom, come on.

We should go.

Lil Rufus, it's probably best if you don't come tonight.

What are you two doing here? - This is an alumni event.

Columbia puts aside a bunch of tickets for students.

We'd invite you to join, but they were very explicit no fake students allowed.

Hey, doctor.

If you'll excuse me a moment, I should go say hello to a few old colleagues.

I'll be right back.

Don't rush.

Do I want to know what you had to promise him - to get him to come? - No, it wasn't me.

It's not like he even listens to me, and he probably just ran out of girls to have sex with.

I, uh, want to apologize.

My absence has been inexcusable.

Well, I know my situation brings up a lot of issues for you.

You've had to deal with so much loss.

But I'm not gonna lose you.

I'm here for you, every step of the way.

You, uh, you look good, Lily.

In fact, you look better than good.

You look great.

Thank you.

I feel great.

So you had better be prepared for a lifetime of family brunches, because I'm not going anywhere.

Okay.

Oh.

Hey.

I bailed on the Columbia gala.

I was kind of in the mood for watching a pretentious movie I don't understand - with you and Vanessa.

No Vanessa, but pretentious movie? Check.

Look, not that I'm not thrilled to expose you to the joys of Russian cinema, but does this visit of yours have anything to do with the "Gossip Girl" blast? Is it true? Are you dealing? I was, when I was dating Damien, yeah.

But, no, not anymore.

This could so easily get back to dad.

I I think it'd be better if he heard it from you.

Are you insane? I I mean, you and I both know that's a suicide mission.

Look If you want him to have faith in you, Jenny, maybe you need to have a little faith in him.

Yeah, all right.

I'll go see if I can dig out a dress from my old closet.

Maybe I can catch him at the gala you know, big crowd, lots of witnesses.

Oh.

Uh, is everything okay with you and Vanessa? Yeah.

Yeah, well, at least I think it is.

It's been hard to say lately.

Maybe you need to have a little faith, too.

It's great to see you again.

You, too.

What a pleasure.

Good to see you.

Good to see you, Bob.

Dad, um, do you have a second? I want to talk to you about something.

Sure.

Please sit.

You know, the contest that I won at boarding school It was for drinking absinthe, and that was probably one of my my tamer nights.

The truth is I I've had a pretty wild past, and I've been a part of more than one scandal.

Serena, I don't care about any of that.

I know.

I guess I was just Scared that once mom gets better, you you may not wanna stick around if you knew the real me.

Honey, I want nothing more than to be a part of all of your lives again.

I'm trying to figure out how big a role I can play without stepping on anybody's toes.

Yeah.

You know, I love Rufus but you're my dad.

He's not.

Aw, Serena finally has the perfect relationship with her daddy.

But will her dream come true be Rufus' worst nightmare? Oh, of course.

The theme of this evening seems to be t*rture.

You're not a fan of, uh, university galas? Quite the opposite.

I'm in my natural habitat.

It's t*rture because it's at Columbia.

And by some cruel twist of fate, I go to N.

Y.

U.

It's like being locked out of Lanvin on the day they get fall in.

Sorry, I don't mean to ramble on.

I'm Blair Waldorf.

Wait.

I know that name.

You read "Gossip Girl"? - No, I read college applications.

I work in the admissions office at Columbia.

I was just looking at your application today.

I'm sorry? Look, it's, um, it's not our policy to do this, but e-mails go out tomorrow, and you're standing right here, so welcome to Columbia, Blair Waldorf.

Champagne, please.

Whoa.

Are you okay? You got crazy eyes.

I think I just became a Columbia student for real.

It doesn't make any sense.

I I never applied.

Oh, my God.

I cannot believe he actually did it.

Months ago, Chuck joked about applying for you.

He said you had too much pride to admit N.

Y.

U.

was a mistake.

Looks like he actually did something right for once.

Congratulations.

Oh, thanks.

You're not at the gala? Yeah.

I thought it'd be best for everybody if I didn't go.

I see my father is still working his magic.

It's not all him.

Yes, it is.

It's just that no one else sees it.

You make my mom happier than all of her ex-husbands combined.

It should be you with her tonight, not some guy who pulled a disappearing act.

Well, I am already in the tux.

Elliot, what are you doing here? Your father invited me? He said he didn't think you had plans tonight.

Not me.

I hope that's okay.

It's okay to be mad at him, Eric, but it's okay to let him try to make it right, too.

All right.

I'm heading out.

Wish me luck.

You don't need it.

You're the only one for her.

After Dr.

Van Der Woodsen organized the response to the polio outbreak in India, he moved on to Somalia, where he served as a field coordinator in Huddur.

While there, he oversaw everything from shrapnel wounds to cancer to chronic illness.

Rufus.

I'm surprised to see you here, of all places.

Holland, if you'll excuse me.

I'll catch up with you later.

I need to talk to Lily.

Rufus, what are you doing here? I'm sorry about today.

I don't want will to come between us.

I don't give a damn who lives where.

I just want to be with you.

Improving access to primary health care to remote villages.

He has done all of this while continuing to build his reputation as a leader in the progressive treatments of cancer.

Lily looks amazing, doesn't she? I mean, being sick hasn't slowed her down at all.

Yeah, she is the picture of health.

Invaluable member of our team.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dr.

William Van Der Woodsen.

Thank you.

Thank you, Dean.

Thank you.

I had another speech prepared for you this evening, but then my beautiful daughter Serena came to me, and she was so honest and brave, that it made me realize that, uh, I need to be honest, too.

I made many personal sacrifices to be a doctor, but I never quite realized until now that The greatest sacrifice of all was my family.

So the most important thing that I can say here tonight is not to all of you, but, uh, to them.

I made the biggest mistake of my life walking out on you, and I promise to do everything in my power to make it up to you, to make it right again, because I love you.

My, oh, my.

Did Dr.

Van Der Woodsen just make a public pass at Rufus' wife? Looks like this doctor without borders needs a few boundaries.

Well, I guess you were right about William, but it doesn't matter how he feels about me, because I don't love him.

I love you, Rufus.

I know you're comfortable with him, Lil, but I'm not.

I need you to find another doctor.

Look, I understand why you don't trust him, but surely, you trust me.

Look, I don't want to fight with you, Rufus.

Okay, we'll put it aside till tomorrow.

Let's get you home.

You know what? Right now, more than anything, I just need a quiet night, alone.

Lily.

Please, just for tonight, I need you to sleep at the loft.

Lily.

Jenny Humphrey.

Uh, yeah? You b*tch.

You told me you were selling me oxy, but those pills were antibiotics.

Yeah, I didn't get high.

I got a yeast infection.

Dad.

Look, I can explain.

I came here to tell you.

Jenny, please save your breath.

Like I'm gonna believe a word out of your mouth.

Get your things and come with me.

We're going home to Brooklyn.

What did you want to talk about that couldn't wait? The producer from CNN just flew into town, - and I'm gonna meet her for drinks in 20 minutes.

I want you to take the internship.

Come on, Dan.

I don't want us to be making decisions based on fear.

All right? So whatever happens, we'll figure it out.

Thank you.

I, uh Got you some stationery so we can write some handwritten letters to each other - while you're away.

That is so romantic.

Maybe if we become famous writers one day, they'll publish 'em after we die, - like Sartre and De Beauvoir.

Maybe, but don't let that stop you from writing some of the dirty stuff.

Just a little bit.

I'm gonna miss you so much.

Not, uh, not if you don't go.

You're gonna be late.

You don't want to be late to meet your new boss.

Get out of here.

Thank you.

Oh, hey, Holland.

Hey.

Have you seen your mother? - No.

I think she left.

Oh.

Is everything okay? If Dr.

Van Der Woodsen loves your mother as much as he said he did in that speech, then maybe there's something she should know about Rufus.

Listen carefully, S.

Holland has a tale to tell.

Apparently, her upstairs neighbor has been coming downstairs.

Good night.

Good night.

Take care.

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

Bye.

Dad! - Serena, I thought you left.

Um Is everything okay? Not really, no.

I heard what you said in your speech, and if you want to fight for mom, then you should do it.

Ahem.

Hi.

I think you girls got some misinformation.

I will be attending Columbia in the fall.

Oh.

Well, that's awesome.

We have an extra room in the apartment.

Maybe you wanna move in with us? - No.

I don't live with the help.

Oh, and you wanted to see a Blair Waldorf takedown? Well, cross me again, and you'll experience one firsthand.

Hello? - Hey, it's Jenny.

I want to talk to you about Lily.

Obviously, I'm not a doctor, and it's kind of a long story how I know this, but there's something weird about her medicine.

Elliot's the perfect mix of smart and fun.

He speaks three languages, but he has a subscription to "People" magazine.

Hey.

I invited dad over for some hot chocolate.

I I hope that's okay.

If it's a bad idea, I can No, it's okay.

William, join us.

Hey, Rufus.

It's Serena.

Hi.

Is your mom there? Um Yeah, she she's here.

She's just really tired right now.

I'll let her know you called.

They say that family are the people who will always take you in.

But what if instead, they shut the door? I was just telling mom about my date with Elliot.

We had a great time.

Thank you.

Oh, who was that? - Oh, it was just Blair.

Or even worse, let someone else take your place? What do you say, Serena? Who's your daddy? X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gossip Girl.

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

GOSSIP GIRL: It's said
that we're all strapped to fortune's wheel.

Nowhere is this truer than
the ever-changing landscape of love.

As one couple enjoys an upswing...

...another is plunged downwards.

But top or bottom,
don't get too comfortable.

Because the one thing you can rely on
is that the wheel will keep on turning.

I'm heading to my mom's
for breakfast.

Hey, you've been coming in late
and leaving early all week.

I'm starting to feel cheap.

I'm sorry I haven't been around much
lately.

With everything going well
with my dad--

Hey, Serena, no worries, okay?

Look, I love being your crash pad
but maybe you'd feel better...

...if you moved in
while she's getting treatment?

And have to see Jenny's lying face
first thing every morning?

No, thank you.

That is not the same girl
Chuck came home with last night.

Has he come to talk to Lily yet?

-Want me to talk to him?
-No, I already tried. But thank you.

I'm gonna come to your lacrosse game
after brunch.

Judge away. Shame turns me on.

She's going to Lily's. Stack
of waffles'll help your hangover.

I find the cause is the best cure.

I gotta go so I will see you later
at the library.

And I'm sorry about before
with the Tisch catalog.

It's fine.

Dan, I don't know how to do this.

We've been tiptoeing around each other
for days.

We're artists in a relationship, sometimes
we're gonna be competing for things.

So all right, we're smart people,
let's come up with some rules.

A list of topics that are off-limits.

That got us in trouble with Tisch.

No, no, this will be different because
we'll know what we don't know.

Hey, I'm quoting Donald Rumsfeld.

Until the sting of Tisch has worn off,
I don't think we should talk about classes.

Like, if you're taking playwriting
with Sam Shepard, it may hurt my heart.

Intro to Mime, I need to know. I wanna
be with you when you buy your beret.

Playwriting competitions.

We can go out for the same ones, but
we can't read each other's submissions.

And looking forward. It's the same thing
with internships and jobs.

So the only things
we can talk about openly...

...are politics, Jersey Shore
and where we wanna eat.

Which reminds me, I'm gonna be late
for breakfast at my dad's.

Are you sure you don't wanna come?

-No, I'm sorry. I have something.
-Something related to our list?

Actually, yeah.

Well, thank you for not sharing.

See? Can't believe
how much easier that is.

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

Another sext session
with your new b.f.?

Hardly call Elliot boyfriend.

Me spending all my time with Mom
and him being in every club in school?

-We haven't even been on a first date.
-Hey, still using cooking as therapy?

Ooh.

Ahem. Excuse me.

-Sorry.
LILY: Good morning, everyone.

Look at all of this food. It's obscene.

Are you okay?

LILY:
Please, everyone, relax.

What I need is for the people who
love me to treat me like they always do.

Has anybody heard from Chuck?

Yeah. He's sorry he couldn't make it.

Charles has the right idea. If he were here
then I'd really worry. Heh, heh.

One thing I'll say
about Will's treatment...

...is that I have not lost my appetite.
I want waffles.

Music to my ears.

Dad.

-What's he doing here?
-I invited him.

WILL:
Hmm.

Looks great, Lil. Really great.

I hope you'll all join me...

...for this Doctors Without Borders gala
at Columbia.

I admit I feel a bit silly
about the whole thing.

Clearly Columbia's run out of alumni
to honor...

...if the best they could come up with
is me.

False humility, check.

I hope you don't mind
I invited Nate and Blair.

-I really want them to get to know you.
-Terrific, I'd be honored.

Well, Rufus and I would love to come.

Why don't you grab a plate,
help yourself.

What? He left when I was 2.
The man's a total stranger to me.

-You have to give him a chance.
-No, I don't.

Okay, everyone, let's sit down
and enjoy this wonderful food.

Dad, here, sit here.
Rufus, scoot over, please.

Please.

Thank you.

Hey, Blair, what's up?

I thought I'd come
and watch your lacrosse game...

...so if you can make sure
that there's a seat for me in VIP?

Preferably next to
an injured cute player.

-Not one on scholarship.
-Since when do you care about lacrosse?

Since I desperately needed
to get away from NYU.

Everyone's planning
living arrangements for next year.

It's so depressing.

Your friends asked to live with them.

In a post-w*r building on a street
that's not even numbered, it's lettered.

And its big selling point
is that it's above a falafel stand.

All right, well, I gotta go.

There's no VIP,
but there's a nice set of bleachers.

Blair?

You probably don't remember us,
we met you at your mom's fashion show?

Yeah, of course. Hairband girl.

I never forget a good accessory.

We're celebrating.

We just got the most amazing apartment
ever.

You would totally approve.

Pre-w*r, doorman, and the best part?

Fauchon is supposedly opening up
next door.

Can I ask you something?

What do you think about falafel?

Ew. Isn't that the kind of food
paralegals eat?

I never thought I'd see Blair Waldorf
on the Upper West Side.

Unless.... Oh, my God.
Are you transferring to Columbia?

I hope so. NYU is so beneath you.

[CHUCKLES]

It's true.

I'm a Columbia girl now.

[BOTH SIGH]

As you should be.

Yay!

WILL: Last time I was invited
to a ceremony in my honor...

...I had to slaughter a chicken.

At least you've been honored.
I've never been.

I did win a contest at boarding school,
and I think there was a plaque.

But I'm not sure that really counts.

What kind of contest?

Drinking hot chocolate
at the winter fair.

I had a buddy went to Exeter. His stories
would make Keith Richards blush.

Yeah, well, I wasn't really
into the party scene.

I was there more for the academics.

Sounds like you've made
some great choices. I'm glad.

The bad ones have a way
of following you.

I've never heard
that hot chocolate story.

There're a lot of stories
you haven't heard.

True, but I did hear this one.

My ex-boyfriend went to boarding school
with Serena and he tells a great one...

...about her and this teacher
one night at a bed and breakfast.

-Jenny.
JENNY: I'm sure they were studying.

You know, like she says,
she was all about the academics.

I have an announcement, everyone.

I've decided I'm moving back in.

That way I can be here with you,
Mom.

And it'll just be really great
to be back in my old room.

Don't worry, Jenny,
we'll find a place for you.

Well, that's great
because I'm moving in too.

Downstairs.

I was waiting to tell till the board
approved my sublet tomorrow...

...but I'm very excited.

All my family
together under one roof again.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Better watch out, Humphreys...

...they say love makes a family...

...but on the Upper East Side,
everyone knows it's real estate.

I'm sorry I'm running so late.
Can you save me a waffle?

Always. I'll put one in the oven
for you.

DAN: How's Lily?
-She's great.

You? How you holding up?

It must be weird.
Lily's ex-husband is now her doctor.

It was, but the fact is, he's just
her doctor now. I'm her husband.

Vanessa can't make it.
Had to be somewhere.

Oh, right. The internship at CNN.

They called me as one of the references
she listed.

Yeah, I wouldn't know.

She and I are keeping our creative lives
separate right now.

You might want to discuss this one.

Since it involves her going to Haiti
for three months.

You know, I think
I'm gonna have to cancel that waffle.

-Okay.
-All right, see you.

Hey.

I know this gala tomorrow night
seems boring...

...but I thought if there's a girl you like,
perhaps you'd like to invite her.

Actually, I'm g*y.
So if I was going, which I'm not...

...then my date would be a guy
named Elliot.

That's cool.
Bring Elliot. I'd love to meet him.

Please stop acting like you and I
have any kind of relationship.

You're right.

-I have a lot to make up for.
-I'm sorry.

The window for that closed
somewhere between my 12th birthday...

...and, um, my suicide attempt.

Don't worry, I'm fine now.

Going through all that without a father
made me realize that I don't need one.

I understand that I've lost the right
to be a father to you...

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

...but if there's any way
that we could get to know each other...

...on your terms.

Serena may want
a relationship with you...

...but I don't.

Serena, stop it. You can't do that.

The room was on loan,
I'm taking it back.

I don't care if I did leave it,
borrowing without asking's stealing.

-Dad, tell her to stop.
-I think it's great you're moving back in.

This is Jenny's room.
You can stay in Chuck's.

No. That room is haunted
by Chuck's depravity.

Jenny can take it.
I'm sure it wouldn't bother you.

Okay, what's going on with you two?

Nothing.

Whatever.
Serena can have her room back.

Ridiculous. I'll have
Laryssa make up Chuck's bed.

I'm confident there's no depravity
brand-new E. Braun sheets can't erase.

How many problems Jenny have to cause
before you realize she's the problem?

Hey.

Thanks for meeting me here.
The library--

Did you apply for a documentary
internship in Haiti?

Yeah. The producer just called.
I got the job.

-When were you planning on telling me?
-This morning.

Then you put internships on the
do-not-discuss list and I panicked.

Why? This is not about competing for
something, this is about our relationship.

Both have been so tied up in each other.
And this job is a huge deal for me.

You can't pretend going away
for months isn't gonna affect us.

I didn't want to face that.

It was easier when we were friends,
we could talk about things.

All right,
so is that what you want then?

You wanna go back to just friends?

I don't know.

Anyway.
Serena might be a little upset.

Well, you were right.
She can stay in Charles' room.

-It's getting crowded around here.
-No kidding.

Throw in your ex-husband and now
we're a Nancy Meyers movie.

I hope you don't mind.
I know it's awkward.

Well, I mean, it is a little unusual,
don't you think?

A doctor to move in
to his patient's building?

Well, not if he's the father
of the patient's children.

What are you getting at?

Is it possible that Will's
also trying to get close to you?

Absolutely not.

I told William to stay away...

...if he couldn't make good
on promises he made to the children.

And I'm sorry
if this is uncomfortable...

...but if William wants to move in
to be closer to the kids...

...I'm not gonna stand in his way.

Holland, hi, it's Rufus.

I have a favor to ask.

And the social scene at NYU
was criminal.

Ten freshmen, a keg and a tub of
hummus on a card table isn't a party...

...it's a tragedy.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Blair Waldorf just got a text.

It's like watching Lady Gaga
set fire to a piano.

[CHUCKLES]

-Who's it from?
-Serena.

Jenny Humphrey's claiming
squatter's rights on her old room.

-It's disgusting.
-Oh, my God.

Jenny can't do that
to Serena van der Woodsen.

So, what's the plan of attack?

It's between Serena and Jenny.

Anyway, I had some recent bad luck
getting involved in a real estate dispute.

So I was thinking Warren-Tricomi
mani-pedis?

I told you.
It doesn't matter if she transfers.

Blair Waldorf was over the minute
she became a student at NYU.

Are you third-personing me?

I third-person people, not you.

ZOE:
Exactly. You're Blair Waldorf.

Fashion icon, queen bee and probably the
future president of the United States.

Or Chanel.

Jenny Humphrey just kicked Serena
van der Woodsen out of her room.

You're not gonna do anything?

I would, I just don't have any dirt
on Jenny right now.

Ahem. I do. Jenny and her boyfriend...

...sold my boyfriend Adderall
a couple of months ago.

Lose the judge-face, Zoe. He took
a very heavy course load this semester.

Jenny Humphrey, drug dealer.

I can work with that.

GOSSIP GIRL: We hear Blair Waldorf's
headed for a comeback.

But if she wants to keep her fans
happy...

-Send.
-...she better keep serving up the hits.

-Sleep well?
-Don't even, Serena.

I can't believe you posted
on Gossip Girl that I'm a drug dealer.

-I didn't post anything.
-Maybe you didn't send the e-mail.

-But you have Blair do your dirty work.
-I can't help what Blair does.

And you are the one who played Pablo
Escobar to underage preppy pill-poppers.

My dad and I were finally in a good place
after a really, really bad patch.

If he finds out it'll destroy everything.

Maybe Rufus should know
his daughter is dealing drugs.

You thought my father should know
all my adventures at boarding school.

Fine.

I shouldn't have said anything,
but you shouldn't be lying to your dad.

Are you really lecturing me
about lying to a parent?

My dad knows who I am.

You build a relationship
with yours that's a lie.

I can't believe you're willing to destroy
my relationship with my father...

...because you're too scared that yours
won't love you for who you really are.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

You were right. We need
to make these decisions together.

Truth is, consulting with someone
doesn't come easily.

I get it.

-Vanessa, I totally support you going.
-Thank you.

But I'm not taking the internship.

I'd rather lose the job than lose you.

You're not gonna lose me
if you go to Haiti.

We're gonna find a way to make
this work, all right, but you gotta go.

I don't want to.
It's better for our relationship if I stay.

I mean, three months is too long.

And I just want to be with you.

Are you sure?

You're making this decision for you?

Not me? Not even us?

All right. Okay. Then let's find a way
to celebrate tonight then. A fun way.

We could-- Let's see,
you wanna sneak 40s...

...into the midnight show
of The Lost Weekend at Film Forum?

I'm having drinks
with the woman from CNN.

I owe it to her
to tell her my decision face-to-face.

Okay. All right.
Well, tomorrow night then.

Absolutely.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Blair. Hey, you never made it
to my lacrosse game yesterday.

What are you doing?

I could ask you the same question.

Does Serena know you're trying plaid?

Seriously, I expected Chuck to go back
to his old habits after your breakup.

-But I actually thought you'd grown up.
-What do you mean?

Blair Waldorf on the Upper West Side
two days in a row?

Looks like you're pretending
to be a student.

And not that I care
what Jenny Humphrey does these days.

But I saw that smackdown
on Gossip Girl.

She was dealing drugs.
It's called an intervention.

It's called you going back
to plotting and conniving.

The Waldorf equivalent...

...of Chuck going around
sleeping with every call girl in the city...

...and avoiding
any kind of emotional contact.

Okay.

So I'm pretending
to be a student here.

It's because I'm living a nightmare.

I'm trapped at NYU
and it's too late to transfer.

So, what's wrong
with cheering myself up...

...with a little denial
and a Gossip Girl blast or two?

Nothing, I guess.

But you can always make it right
with whoever you take down online.

And who knows if Chuck's even gonna
have time to do that with Lily or not.

Morning, sunshine.

Got the Dom '95, your favorite.

No, thank you.

And I prefer Roederer nowadays.

I apologize, Nadine left behind
some of her intimates.

Must have wanted an excuse
to come back.

Or maybe she just left in a hurry.

If you're here to mock,
I'm not in the mood.

Unless you have some
punishment in mind.

We've broken up and frankly,
I don't care what you do.

But I can't sit by
and just watch you avoid Lily.

I'm actually quite busy with work.

Well, you had time for Nadine.

Trust me, she was work.

I promise you,
Lily isn't sitting around...

...wondering when she's going to hear
from Chuck.

Justify not seeing Lily all you want,
you and I both know what this is.

You've lost Bart,
Elizabeth betrayed you...

...and the thought of losing Lily
terrifies you.

Please, spare me your NYU
freshman psych analysis.

Perhaps if you were at an Ivy
you'd have better insight.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

GOSSIP GIRL: Spotted:
B claiming to be a coed at Columbia...

...when everyone knows
she's a zero at NYU.

Poor B, first she lost Chuck
and now her dignity.

CHUCK: Gossip Girl blast?
-No, it's nothing.

Look, Chuck, sleep with every Nadine
in town for all I care.

But don't close your heart to Lily.

You and I both know that in the end the
person you'll end up hurting most is you.

Amalia, it's Blair.

Are you still waiting on me
to sign the lease?

Well, tell the girls it's a yes.
I'll take the apartment.

GOSSIP GIRL:
You make your bed, you lie in it, B.

Too bad yours is in the East Village.

Were you able to convince
your brother to come?

-No. Please don't act like you care.
-I'm sorry?

I got off the phone with my dad.
Someone didn't want him in the building.

They gave him a bad recommendation.
It worked. The board didn't approve him.

You're behind this, right?

-I am.
-How could you do that?

I don't expect you to understand,
I felt it was the right thing to do.

You and my father used to hate
each other, that was a long time ago.

You are the only one
still having this fight.

-He's moved on.
LILY: Is everything okay?

Rufus went to the board
and blocked Dad.

LILY: Serena, that's absurd.
Rufus would never do that.

I would. To protect my marriage.

I don't trust William,
I don't want him living under my roof.

You're being completely paranoid.

He tried to isolate you
from your family.

He's moving in to get closer to you.

I told you, he's moving in
to be close to the children.

All I see here is jealousy run amok.

Mom, come on. We should go.

-Lil.
SERENA: Rufus.

It's probably best
if you don't come tonight.

What are you two doing here?

This is an alumni event. Columbia puts
aside a bunch of tickets for students.

JESSICA: We'd invite you to join,
but they were very explicit.

No fake students allowed.

[CHATTERING]

MAN:
Hey, doctor.

If you'll excuse me a moment, I should
go say hello to a few old colleagues.

-I'll be right back.
-Don't rush.

Hey.

Do I want to know what you had
to promise him to get him to come?

NATE:
It wasn't me.

It's not like he listens to me. He probably
ran out of girls to have sex with.

I want to apologize.

My absence has been inexcusable.

Well, I know my situation
brings up a lot of issues for you.

-You've had to deal with so much loss.
-But I'm not going to lose you.

I'm here for you.

Every step of the way.

You look good, Lily. In fact,
better than good. You look great.

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you. I feel great.

So you had better be prepared
for a lifetime of family brunches...

...because I'm not going anywhere.

Okay.

DAN:
Oh.

I bailed on the Columbia Gala.
Was kind of in the mood...

...for watching a pretentious movie
with you and Vanessa.

No Vanessa, but pretentious movie,
check.

Look, not that I'm not thrilled to expose
you to the joys of Russian cinema...

...but does this visit have anything
to do with the Gossip Girl blast?

Is it true?

Are you dealing?

I was, when I was dating Damien,
yeah.

-But no, not anymore.
-This could so easily get back to Dad.

It'd be better if he heard it from you.

Are you insane? I mean, you and I
both know that's a suicide mission.

Look, if you want him
to have faith in you, Jenny...

...maybe you need to have a little faith
in him.

Yeah, all right, I'll go see if I can
dig out a dress in my old closet.

Maybe I can catch him at the gala.
You know, big crowd, lots of witnesses.

Oh, uh....

-Everything okay with you and Vanessa?
-Yeah.

Yeah, well, at least I think it is.

Been hard to say lately.

Well, maybe you
need to have a little faith too.

-You look terrific. It's great to see you.
-You too.

-Good to see you.
-Good to see you, pal.

Dad, do you have a second,
I wanna talk to you about something.

Sure, please, sit.

You know, the contest
that I won at boarding school.

It was for drinking absinthe.

And that was probably
one of my tamer nights.

The truth is I've had
a pretty wild past...

...and I've been a part
of more than one scandal.

Serena, I don't care about any of that.

I don't know, I guess I was just scared
that once Mom gets better...

...you may not wanna stick around
if you knew the real me.

Honey, I want nothing more than
to be a part of all of your lives again.

I'm trying to figure out
how big a role I can play...

...without stepping
on anybody's toes.

Yeah.

You know, I love Rufus.

But you're my dad.

He's not.

GOSSIP GIRL: Aw. Serena finally has
the perfect relationship with her daddy.

But will her dream come true
be Rufus' worst nightmare?

BARTENDER:
Here we are. Thank you.

Of course, the theme of this evening
seems to be t*rture.

You not a fan of university galas?

Quite the opposite.
I'm in my natural habitat.

It's t*rture because it's at Columbia.

And by some cruel twist of fate
I go to NYU.

Like being locked out of Lanvin
the day they get Fall.

Sorry, I don't mean to ramble on.
I'm Blair Waldorf.

-Wait, I know that name.
-You read Gossip Girl?

No, I read college applications.

I work in the admissions office.

I was just looking
at your application today.

I'm sorry?

Look, it's not our policy to do this...

...but e-mails go out tomorrow
and you're standing right here.

So welcome to Columbia,
Blair Waldorf.

[LAUGHS]

Champagne, please.

Whoa. Are you okay? You got crazy eyes.

I think I just became a Columbia student
for real.

It doesn't make any sense.
I never applied.

Oh, my God, I cannot believe
he actually did it.

Months ago, Chuck joked
about applying for you.

He said you had too much pride
to admit NYU was a mistake.

Looks like he actually did
something right for once.

Congratulations.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh. Thanks.

You're not at the gala?

I thought it best for everybody
if I didn't go.

I see my father
is still working his magic.

-It's not all him.
-Yes, it is.

It's just that no one else sees it.

You make my mom happier
than her ex-husbands combined.

Should be you with her tonight. Not
some guy who pulled a disappearing act.

Well, I am already in the tux.

-Elliot, what are you doing here?
-Your father invited me.

He said he didn't think
you had plans tonight.

Not me.

I hope that's okay.

It's okay to be mad at him, Eric.

But it's okay
to let him try to make it right too.

All right, I'm heading out.
Wish me luck.

You don't need it.
You're the only one for her.

After Dr. van der Woodsen
organized the response...

...to the polio outbreak in India,
he moved on to Somalia.

Where he served
as a field coordinator in Hudur.

While there, he oversaw everything
from shrapnel wounds...

...to cancer to chronic illness.

Rufus. I'm surprised to see you here
of all places.

Holland, if you'll excuse me I'll catch
up with you later, I need to talk to Lily.

-What are you doing here?
-Sorry about today.

I don't want Will to come between us.

I don't give a damn who lives where.

I just want to be with you.

DEAN: --access to primary health care
in remote villages.

He has done all of this
while continuing to build his reputation...

...as a leader
in the progressive treatments of cancer.

Lily looks amazing, doesn't she?
Being sick hasn't slowed her down at all.

Yeah, she's the picture of health.

DEAN:
--valuable member of our team.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Dr. William van der Woodsen.

Thank you. Thank you, dean.
Thank you.

I had another speech prepared for you
this evening...

...but then my beautiful daughter
Serena came to me.

And she was so honest and brave...

...that it made me realize
that I need to be honest too.

I made many personal sacrifices
to be a doctor.

But I never quite realized until now...

...that the greatest sacrifice of all
was my family.

So the most important thing
that I can say here tonight...

...is not to all of you...

...but to them.

I made the biggest mistake of my life
walking out.

And I promise to do everything
in my power to make it up to you...

...to make it right again.

Because I love you.

GOSSIP GIRL:
My, oh, my.

Did Dr. van der Woodsen
just make a public pass at Rufus's wife?

Looks like this doctor without borders
needs a few boundaries.

[COLD w*r KIDS' "AUDIENCE"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Sunday nights that you want her

Like velvet cake

Well, I guess you were right
about William.

But it doesn't matter how he feels about
me. I don't love him. I love you, Rufus.

I know you're comfortable with him, Lil,
but I'm not.

-I need you to find another doctor.
-I understand why you don't trust him.

But surely you trust me.

Look, I don't want to fight with you,
Rufus.

Okay, we'll put it aside till tomorrow.
Let's get you home.

You know what, right now, more than
anything, I just need a quiet night alone.

-Lily.
-Please, just for tonight.

I need you to sleep at the loft.

Lily.

-Jenny Humphrey.
-Yeah?

You b*tch.

Told me you were selling me Oxy,
but those pills were antibiotics.

I didn't get high.
I got a yeast infection.

Dad.

I can explain. I came here to tell you.

Save your breath. Like I'm gonna believe
a word out of your mouth.

Get your things and come with me.
We're going home. To Brooklyn.

What did you wanna talk about?

The producer from CNN flew in.
I'm gonna meet her in 20 minutes.

-I want you to take the internship.
-Come on, Dan.

I don't want us to be making decisions
based in fear.

All right, so whatever happens,
we'll figure it out.

Thank you.

I got you stationery...

...so we can write some handwritten
letters to each other while you're away.

That is so romantic.

Maybe if we become famous writers one
day they'll publish them after we die.

Maybe, but don't let that stop you
from writing some dirty stuff.

Just a little bit.

I'm gonna miss you so much.

Not if you don't go. You don't wanna be
late to meet your boss. Get out of here.

SERENA:
Thank you.

-Hey, Holland.
-Hey, have you seen your mother?

-No, I think she left.
-Oh.

Is everything okay?

If Dr. van der Woodsen
loves your mother...

...as much as he said he did
in that speech...

...maybe there's something
she should know about Rufus.

GOSSIP GIRL: Listen carefully, S.
Holland has a tale to tell.

Apparently her upstairs neighbor
has been coming downstairs.

-Good night.
WOMAN: Take care.

WILL: Good to see you.
MAN: Same here.

SERENA:
Dad.

Serena, I thought you left.

Um....

Is everything okay?

Not really, no.

I heard what you said in your speech,
if you want to fight for Mom, you should.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hi, I think you girls
got some misinformation.

-I will be attending Columbia in the fall.
JESSICA: Oh.

Well, that's awesome.

We have an extra room
in the apartment.

-Maybe you want to move in with us?
-I don't live with the help.

Oh, and you wanted to see
a Blair Waldorf takedown?

Well, cross me again
and you'll experience one firsthand.

[RINGS]

-Hello.
JENNY: Hey, it's Jenny.

I wanted to talk to you about Lily.

Obviously, I'm not a doctor, and it's
kind of a long story how I know this.

But there's something weird
about her medicine.

Elliot's the perfect mix
of smart and fun.

He speaks three languages, but he has
a subscription to People magazine.

Hey. I invited Dad over
for some hot chocolate.

I hope that's okay.

-If it's a bad idea, I can--
-No. It's okay.

William, join us.

Thank you.

[PHONE RINGING]

-Hey, Rufus, it's Serena.
-Hi.

Your mom there?

Yeah, she's here,
she's just really tired right now.

I'll let her know you called.

GOSSIP GIRL: They say that family are
the people who will always take you in.

But what if instead,
they shut the door?

I was just telling Mom
about my date with Elliot.

We had a great time. Thank you.

-Who was that?
-It was just Blair.

Or even worse,
let someone else take your place?

What do you say, Serena?
Who's your daddy?

XOXO, Gossip Girl.