6x01 - Gone Maybe Gone

[bunniefuu]

Gossip Girl here your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

Blair, I just got invited to the Institute of Arts and Letters' summer artists retreat.

That's incredible! But what could possibly be the problem, besides Rome in August? I need your photographic memory and your passion for social upheaval to help me write the book about the Upper East Side.

My computer's gone.

It's Gosip Girl.

She took it.

After we got the address for tonight, I gave it to Gosip Girl.

I just need you to keep our agreement.

Take down Lily.

You can't hold me responsible for everything bad in your life.

I can because you are.

I want you gone for good.

Pack your things.

Serena, there is no "us" andand now that our parents are splitting up, I never have to see you again.

Do you have what I asked for? What did we bury in that coffin? Starting today, I will be the only Bass in Bass Industries.

All I've done is work to protect your legacy.

And pine after Blair Waldorf.

I'm gonna take over my mother's company, and it can be our future.

You said I always bet against you, but this time I'm all in.

And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gosip Girl.

Could it be any hotter? It's a good thing you're not fair-skinned.

Otherwise, your summer "Under the Tuscan Sun" would end up under a scalpel, removing a melanoma.

I know it was my idea, but why did I bring you to Italy? I should be at the workshop right now in Rome with all of the other writers, writing.

You shouldn't be creating in a workshop.

You're not an elf.

Besides, how can you possibly be inspired inside? But here, on the other hand, if you're really looking for payback, then what better place to knock the Upper East Side out of the dark ages than in the cradle of the renaissance itself? Da Vinci, Galileo, Humphrey Underwood? Oh, Dio mio.

Have you learned nothing? Technology means hackers.

We're going old school.

Don't just stand there.

Start typing.

Oh, grazie.

I'm parched.

You'll get yours when I get mine.

Real names this time.

No holding back.

Everyone gets exposed.

The naked truth.

Faster! Faster! Faster! Could this take any longer? I'm gonna ride this thing all night long.

I hate trains.

Excuse me.

Can you, like, move your leg? My God! Do that again.

What's the rush? We've got all the time in the world.

Welcome back, Upper East Siders.

Call me superstitious, but I've got a feeling this fall could be my last season.

Let's face it.

I've been at this a long time.

But age breeds wisdom, and this I know the best is yet to come.

You both look so relaxed.

Hamptons good for the soul, huh? Well, yes, the Hamptons were lovely, but nothing compares to the Seychelles, where Bart and I renewed our vows.

Which was restorative.

But our time with Eric off the African coast was the highlight.

Have you heard from Mr.

Chuck? Well, we're hoping Charles used his summer to relax as much as we have.

Well, I'm sure as soon as he sees what happy couple you are, happy family won't be far behind.

I'm not so sure.

Look at all this.

It'll take weeks to get through.

I thought Serena was keeping the apartment in order.

Well, that was the deal.

And since she's been ignoring my texts, our primary mode of communication, I assumed she was taking care of it.

Vanya? When is Serena gonna be back? Miss Serena? I haven't seen her all summer.

I really appreciate you taking the time to meet with me.

Yeah, well, it's nice to have someone else asking the questions for a change.

Plus Professor Peiser taught my favorite journalism class at Columbia.

Well, clearly it worked.

I mean, look how successful you are.

Well, we're about to find out.

I think it's really brave, you deciding to run "The Spectator" on your own.

No investors, no partners, no safety net.

Wait, are you here to freak me out or write a paper onon my paper? Sorry.

I'm just impressed.

I wouldn't be going it alone if I didn't think I could succeed.

And I have a story on the horizon I know is gonna secure the company's future.

You wouldn't happen to want to give Professor Peiser's class an exclusive? Uh, no.

But I like your initiative, and if we're still in business by the time you graduate maybe I'll interview you for a job.

Lily, hey.

How are you? Uh, Serena? No, I haven't heard from her all summer.

I assumed she was somewhere between Tulum and the Turks and Caicos.

Well, hey, hey, hey.

Don'tdon't worry about it.

Serena's disappeared on us before, but we always find her, and she's always fine.

Yes.

Okay.

I am well aware of the deadlines, mother.

You don't need to put any more pressure on me.

The stress is making my hair fall out in clumps.

Thank God for this chapeau.

If the Olsen twins can build a fashion empire bossing around pattern drafters, then so can I.

Oh, I have to go.

Someone I actually want to speak to just walked up.

A bientot, maman.

Bonjour, ma cherie.

Ca va, Jean Pierre? How was your meeting? Good.

Now that it's over, I can be here with you.

You Frenchmen.

Must be why I always come back to Paris.

Your mother again? I actually wish it was.

It's my friend Nate.

Someone we know is missing.

Oh.

What happened? Who can say? She does it all the time.

I'm sure it's nothing.

You don't sound convinced.

When was the last time you saw her? When I kicked her out of my apartment and told her my life would be better off without her in it.

It appears she got the message.

What are you going to do? Exactly what needs to be done set some more meetings with buyers, look at the latest sketches, contact the textile mill to see if they can move up production dates.

You don't have to take all this down.

You're not my assistant.

No.

But I do care about you, which is why I'm booking you a ticket back to New York.

That's where you need to be right now.

For your friend.

First class? Bulkhead by the window.

Merci.

De rien.

Did this really happen, you and Serena? On the bar of the Campbell apartment.

Every dirty detail exactly as it occurred.

Not that.

The part where you guys get it on is "Fifty Shades of Boring".

No offense.

After that, when you realized that she had a sex tape.

She said she erased it, but did you actually see her do it? No.

I-I don't know.

I mean, she said she would.

I'm sure she did.

So she might still have it.

Are you going to answer that? No.

It's Blair again, and I know you might not believe this, but I'd rather listen to you than Blair and her excuses for dumping me.

Dan, finally! Thank you for picking up.

I know you've been dodging my calls all summer, but I talked to Nate, and no one knows where Serena is.

I thought you two might be together, hating me.

Are you with her? Hello, Blair.

Georgina.

I should've known it was you from the sound of that disdainful silence.

Now I don't even want to know why you are picking up n's phone, but please put him on so I can speak to him.

This is serious.

No one has seen Serena for months.

Not even Gosip Girl has posted about her.

And what could be worse than that? Always good catching up, Blair.

Ciao.

Wait! No! No! Okay, change of venue.

What? Why? What did Blair say? There's a new ending for your book, if we can find Serena before anyone else does.

I don't understand what we're doing here, Chuck.

Neither do I.

But I'm trying to find out.

This was the last project my father worked on before he How do I put this delicately? Faked died.

He said he was in Miami, but he was here in Dubai with you.

As his translator.

And I already told you everything I know.

Look, I pored over all the records when I took over Bass Industries, and there was nothing about a project in Dubai.

And I know a view this breathtaking would've taken up my father's time and interest.

Once again, Chuck, I wish I could help.

When your father walked away from this, I lost out, too.

I'm not sure what else I can do.

Maybe you can translate for me.

Do you speak unstable psychopath? Hello, Georgina.

To what do I owe the displeasure? From all around the world, our favorite Upper East Siders are asking the same question.

But I couldn't care less.

Serena Van Der Woodsen is dead.

At least to me.

Spotted at J.

F.

K.

and Teterboro our favorite U.

E.

S.

ers returning home.

What motivated this sudden flurry of transatlantic travel? Could it be a certain passport that didn't get stamped this summer? No, her passport's here.

It was in a box with her other things.

So let's focus our efforts closer to home.

Thank you, officer.

Charles.

You didn't have to come home But I am so glad you did.

Of course.

And you're not alone.

Amira Abbar.

Hello.

Amira's a new friend.

We met in Dubai.

Beautiful city.

With beautiful women.

I'm Bart Bass.

Son, I trust your summer was relaxing.

Indeed, father.

Nothing like travel to clear the mind.

I found Dubai fascinating.

Such a forward-looking city, yet so many links to the past.

It's true.

I showed Chuck all my favorite spots.

Usually, Chuck can find a woman's favorite spot all by himself.

Blair, you're back, and you brought a friend.

And who's your mystery guest? I was just introducing her.

Where were we? Just leaving.

Got a couple things to clear up at the office.

Yes, I'm gonna head out with you.

I have one more place to check for Serena.

Nice to meet you.

Amira, I'll meet you at the hotel.

Uh, yes.

You can drop her off on your way to my mother's.

I think there's jam on the steering wheel.

Consider yourself lucky if it's just jam.

I don't know how much time you've spent around babies Only yours, when you were pretending he was mine.

Constant pooping, food throwing, random explosions out of every orifice babies are nauseating.

Not that I don't love being a mother.

Just not as much as going on secret missions with me.

A woman shouldn't have to choose.

So wait, who who were you texting when Philip dropped the van off? 'Cause I think I was the last person to see Serena, and I have no clue where she is.

Yes, but you forget that I've known S.

since ninth grade.

And whenever she hits a road bump in life, inevitably she reaches for a bump of a different kind.

And her favorite provider is Damien Dalgaard.

You really think Serena's on drugs? Well, hopefully, or clinically insane.

Either would be a great ending for your book.

What? Poughkeepsie's known for three things.

I highly doubt that S.

is enrolled at Vassar, and she's certainly not signed for a taste testing at the Culinary Institute.

Which leaves? Where we're headed.

The Hudson River State Mental Hospital.

Swear to me that nothing is going on between you and Amira.

When I saw you two together, I thought you'd reneged on the promise we made.

Never.

She's a weapon against my father.

That's all.

They were involved in some off-the-record business deal.

I brought her back to rattle him.

Oh, she was his translator? Well, you've always expressed admiration for women who are good with tongues.

She's very pretty.

No prettier than your Jean Pierre.

As head of your Public Relations, does he know how much you enjoy relations in public? You two seem close.

Well, he's been my constant companion since I returned to Paris.

Focusing on work has made it easier to be away from you.

If I had known it would be this difficult going our separate ways, I would never have agreed.

Well, we had to come to some kind of an agreement or we never would've left that hotel room in Monte Carlo.

And We have much to do.

But like I said in the casino, I'm all in.

My bet's on us.

Lily.

What are you doing here? I thought you and Bart were circling the globe in an 80-foot yacht.

Well, the yacht was 110 feet, and most people who've actually been on one call it a boat.

I assume you didn't come all the way to Brooklyn to tell me that.

No.

I didn't come here to tell you anything.

I came here to ask.

Have you seen Serena? She's missing, and I thought she might've sought out Dan.

Well, Dan's in Italy, and I haven't seen or heard from Serena.

Oh, really? Is that why her sweater's here? Rufus, you have reached an all-time low.

I mean, first, you let her hide here and then you lie to me, right to my face.

That's not Serena's sweater.

It's mine.

What is going on here? Ivy's been staying here.

Here? With you? Lily, could I get you a glass of water? You don't look well.

I assure you I am quite all right.

Unlike you.

There's nothing wrong with Rufus.

He saved me.

After I tore up your check you wrote me, I had nothing.

I was on the verge of doing something desperate, and Rufus opened his home to me, gave me a second chance.

I don't know why it matters to you, but she's sleeping in Dan's room.

It doesn't matter to me.

None of it does.

My daughter is missing.

God knows what happened to her.

And I don't know why she would ever think of coming here.

This is all clothes and toiletries.

We're never gonna discover Serena's secrets in her loofah.

She never kept a day planner, maybe an address book that might have some names in it? Serena's life is on her cell phone, and it seems to be the only thing she has with her.

Still nothing from Gosip Girl? I checked.

Her last post on Serena was in the spring, the day she moved out.

Well, yeah, just because she hasn't written about Serena doesn't mean she doesn't know anything about her.

You do have a personal correspondence with our poison pen pal.

Yeah.

Well, when I heard from Lily, it was the first thing I tried.

Gosip Girl didn't give me anything.

Nate, you have to convince her.

Haven't you ever seen a Hitchcock movie or watched "Dateline"? There's only so many ways this goes kidnap/ransom, t*rture/m*rder, or brainwash/cult.

Okay, Blair, we get it.

No, you don't.

We both know that Serena is quite capable of hurting herself.

But This time, I'm afraid I hurt her, too.

There is one more thing I can try.

Anything, please.

If you have a card, now's the time to play it.

It's okay.

We'll find her.

Looks like N.

is about to save the day.

But we'll see if he can still save his friend.

And that way, we could take advantage of the natural light.

What do you think? Earth to Rufus.

Have you heard one thing I've said? Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

Um, "Earth to Rufus.

" That's a really cool name for a solo record, by the way.

Admit it.

Lily's visit upset you, not just because something could've happened to Serena, but because Lily would think there was something going on between us.

All you've done is been a good person.

What I've done is dragged you from one potential art gallery to another.

I mean, if you have to see one more polished concrete floor It was fun.

And it was worth it, finding this place.

Look, I'll call the agent, and I'll tell him you'll take it, and I'll go pick up the keys.

I can't let you do all that.

You can and you will, because you're gonna be too busy helping Lily.

Well, I guess I was Serena's dad longer than anyone else.

Which is why you should go.

Thanks, Ivy.

And, um If there are any problems with that realtor There won't be.

I've got this.

Trust me.

Hi.

You've reached Lola.

Leave a message.

Lola, hi.

It's Ivy.

So congrats on booking a TV series.

NBC, huh? It's very impressive.

Well, whatever acting you have going on over there has nothing on my performance.

Rufus Humphrey he's easy on the eyes and even easier to manipulate.

Call me.

All right, so we're not too far from where Gosip Girl said she is.

What makes you so sure we're not being led on a wild goose chase, Nathaniel? I mean, Gosip Girl is only slightly less trustworthy than, say, Georgina sparks or Me.

You know, you could at least pretend you're relieved that Serena wasn't institutionalized.

Any disappointment you're sensing is not because the mental hospital was a dead end.

It stems from the fact that you and I missed out on a real opportunity.

Empty hospital bed, soundproof rubber walls No, no, no, no, no.

You stop right there before I start chugging this premium unleaded.

I paid a serious price for Serena's location.

I was gonna break a major story.

I had surveillance video that could've led me to the identity of Gosip Girl.

Unmasking Gosip Girl? That's a major media coup.

I-I can't imagine a better way to relaunch "The Spectator.

" Yeah, well, you're gonna have to.

I traded the whole story to find out where Serena is.

I don't understand.

It's noble and selfless.

Of course you don't.

You put your whole venture at risk.

Hey, if it helps Serena, it's worth it.

Come on, Humphrey.

I can go undercover as a patient.

You could be my orderly.

Something about mental hospitals really just Gets me going.

Yeah, it's because you're insane.

I say we turn around right now to go home and pretend nod of this ever happened.

Start the car now, Dan.

We have to see what this odyssey can do in an open road.

And I'd say 40, 45 max.

Why? What's the sudden rush? That limo is Chuck's.

I memorized the license plate.

I knew he and Blair knew where Serena was.

Damien was right all along.

We have to get there before they do.

Serena recouping in rehab is much less interesting than a full-on sl*t spiral.

That's a heartwarming tale, but whywhy would you just assume that Chuck is with Blair anyway? No, hey! Georgina, wait a second.

Wait a second.

You gotta hold up.

What are you doing? Get in! Open thestop the car.

So the place we're going to doesn't look like it's on an actual road.

So she's literally off the map.

Well, whatever backwoods town we're headed to, it can't be good.

Serena is not country strong.

Yeah, well, we're gonna have to be for her.

Can you turn right here, please? We need to go west.

What the hell's going on?! What are we doing? Sabotage.

Georgina sparks.

With Humphrey in tow.

Hey, guys.

Nice day for a drive, huh? Don't talk to them.

Let's go.

Now.

W-where are you going and what are you doing with her? Probably the same thing you're doing with him.

Saving Serena? No.

Finding Serena.

And since you're going to be following us, I'm going to have you to follow my lead as well.

Which means what, exactly? Do nothing.

Whatever Serena is doing, we can't get involved.

We're there to observe and record, like a documentary.

This isn't a reality show, sparks.

This is reality, a concept I know you're a little fuzzy on.

So whatever filth-filled, paint-huffing meth den we find Serena cracked out in, we don't judge.

We're still her friends no matter what.

We're her family.

Oh, aren't you just the kindest, nicest little trust fund babies in the whole world? But when it comes to what Serena's capable of, I think you'll find it's nothing like what you imagined.

I can't argue with you there.

I would just like to point out that most serial K*llers are high-functioning members of society who lead a double life.

She could be trapped in the basement or buried in the backyard.

Good idea, Georgina.

Why don't you grab a shovel and start digging? There'sthere's gotta be an explanation for all this.

Can I help you? I believe you can.

We're looking for our friend Serena.

Blonde.

Legs for days.

Effortless charisma that only someone far less secure than I am would find threatening.

And I'm the weird one? I believe you mean Sabrina? I think someone's about to toss her cookies.

And the only thing more disturbing than finding her on drugs or in a psych ward is seeing her happy and healthy.

Who wants that? What the hell are you doing here? Uh, looking for you.

To observe and record.

No.

We're here to help you.

And get you home.

And, uh, I don't even know what I'm doing here.

Can't you see there's a party going on and you're not invited? Crashing parties is one of our favorite pastimes.

Especially when it involves infiltrating a sophisticated yet deadly cult.

Now which one is the charismatic leader? Please leave before it's too late.

Sabrina! Sabrina.

Too late.

Sabrina, you didn't tell me you invited friends.

That is so Sabrina.

Oh, she loves surprises.

She has so many surprises, you could write a book about 'em.

Where to end that book is the challenge.

I hope you don't mind us dropping by.

Steven.

Nice to meet you.

And of course not.

The more, the merrier on this special day.

Please, stay and be a part of it.

Oh, yes, Steven.

I think we will.

Why don't we get my friends some drinks then? Okay.

I know I'm not exactly a welcome houseguest these days, but we shouldn't let our recent history overshadow our past.

Thanks.

I appreciate it.

How could I have thought it was okay to go all summer without actually talking to my own daughter? Whatever this is, Lil, isn't your fault.

And why should I believe that? Because that's what you told me when Jenny ran away, and she was much younger and crazier, with much heavier eye makeup than Serena.

We raised good girls.

Unpredictable, sure.

Try reckless, defiant.

Spirited, independent.

Not unlike their parents at that age.

Oh, God.

Who can remember back that far? I can, and seeing the way her mom turned out, I have every confidence that Serena will be okay.

Well, look, I'm sorry about earlier.

I shouldn't have stormed out like that.

I had no right.

I should've known you wouldn't be attracted to someone like you know Ivy.

So sorry to interrupt, but, um, I just came from the gallery, and, uh, look.

We got it.

I was justI was so excited.

I couldn't wait! It's what we dreamed about all summer.

Well played, Rufus.

You butter me up, remind me how great you can be, only to have your little tr*mp show up here and throw whatever this is in my face.

Lily, hold on.

Is it any wonder our children are still so immature with such role models for parents? Don't say anything you're gonna regret.

I have no regrets, Rufus, only that I let you in my home today.

I'm already leaving.

You know, I know you're really worried about Serena, but you should try to relax your face.

You're getting some very pronounced frown lines.

Bye.

This is so much worse than we thought.

Because you're here? I agree.

What makes you say that? It's a nice house.

He seems like a nice guy.

Look at this.

Trellis, chairs, pastor.

This is a wedding.

And Serena was wearing a white dress! Either she's the bride, or she's just really tacky.

I told you.

She's obviously had a psychotic break.

Serena's taken too many happy pills, and now she think she's Sabrina from Dan's book.

That actually sounds vaguely plausible.

Or today's the day of the cult sacrifice, and since I don't see any volcanoes in the area, I wonder if they're burning her at the stake.

And then you lost me.

Whatever is going on, we can't let her marry this guy.

Time for a plan.

Okay, well, Lily was really worried this morning, so I should at least call her and let her know we found Serena.

And I can reach out to the Ostroff Center, have them ready Serena's old bed just in case.

And Humphrey and I will try to get her alone.

We're the closest to her, the best chance of breaking through.

Aren't you forgetting someone? Trying to.

Fear not.

I've seduced a man of the cloth before.

I can do it again.

This wedding cannot happen.

Blair, why don't you go find Serena on your own? You know, I'm really not up for a super secret mission, especially with you.

I'm not even here to help.

Georgina just dragged me along so I could, you know, oh.

Okay.

What is wrong with you? Uh, aside from the fact that my face now hurts? You know what, Blair? You chose Chuck.

I don't owe you an explanation.

Good luck.

In here, Chuck.

Wrong Bass, my dear.

What are you doing here? I came here to ask you the same question.

So is Chuck using you, or are you using him? What goes on between Chuck and me is none of your business.

You better hope your relationship has nothing to do with business, because so help me, if you've told him anything about mine.

I haven't.

Yet.

But that could always change.

Chuck is very persuasive.

Takes after his father in more ways than one.

What do you want to leave town with your mouth shut? You think you can just buy my silence? I can buy anything.

It's one of the chief perks of being really rich.

$10 million.

Everything okay? You seem a little nervous.

Oh.

Yeah, no.

It's just a lot of pressure, and I want everything to be perfect.

So But when do I get to see you alone? That's all I care about.

Not soon enough.

Although, I, uh, imagine you wanna spend some time with your friends.

So are they from Vassar or did you, uh, grow up with them in Wisconsin? Uh, Wisconsin.

And I'mI'm so sorry I didn't tell you that I invited them.

It just must've slipped my mind with all this going on.

No, it's okay.

It's okay.

I'll see you out there.

Okay.

Wisconsin? Seriously? Do you even know where that is on a map? What I do know is, you told me you never wanna see me again, and then you show up here, today of all days, when I'm finally happy with someone I actually care about? Cares about you or Sabrina from Madison who goes to Vassar? Georgina's right.

You really are delusional.

I'm not gonna let you ruin this.

Serena, I have no intention of ruining your big day.

I hope you do marry this guy.

Frankly, it would be the kind of desperate, attention-seeking stunt that would prove you're every bit as shallow and sad as the character in my book, so Okay, I deserved that one.

Wait.

Wait, marry him? How'd it go? Humphrey and I split up.

I didn't find Serena, so hopefully he did.

You? The Ostroff Center's on alert, though apparently now it's called the Pedowitz Institute.

Great news.

You'll never guess what I found.

Looks like Nate Archibald to me.

After I talked to Lily, I found her rooting around Serena's bathroom.

Not rooting.

Snooping.

And all for a good reason.

The only thing you were supposed to be doing was getting between that man and his cloth.

He's protestant.

I do my best work with Catholics.

Thank God I'm an atheist.

Great.

Now this wedding is gonna happen unless we find Serena, which requires us finding Dan.

Well, that might be easier than you think.

Could I have everyone's attention, please? Sabrina, would you would you join me? Tell them, please.

Of course.

Okay, so Serena explained everything Explained what? That's she's never been happy in her whole life and she found true love for the very first time? Please.

in life, which is why I'mI'm so glad that you all could be here for this special moment.

And to have the love of my life by my side.

So let's, uh, let's all raise a glass No! No! We will raise nothing! You cannot marry her.

You don't even know her! Blair, please.

Her name isn't Sabrina either.

It is Serena.

Serena Van Der Woodsen! And that's not all.

What are you doing? I've got this.

Public humiliation's really more my forte.

Sabrina/Serena has a history of mental imbalance, drug use, and promiscuity.

That's right.

She's got a rap sheet and a snuff film.

Yeah, and we have contacted a psychiatric care center who has agreed to take her into custody.

k*ll me now.

Hey! What are you doing down there?! Wait.

Who are the two angry guys in matching hats? They're the grooms.

That's what I was trying to say.

This is not Serena's wedding.

Will someone tell me what's going on here? Why are the maid of honor's friends ruining David and David's wedding? I know I have some explaining to do.

But can we talk, just the two of us, please? No.

No one goes anywhere.

No more lies.

I have proof that you're on drugs.

I found these in your bathroom.

Yeah, those are vitamins.

Okay.

Like we're supposed to believe that.

Steven makes them.

He has a holistic health company.

Wait.

You're Steven Spence.

I saw you speak at the T.

E.

D.

conference last year.

I told you I was fine.

Actually, no, you didn't.

Yeah.

Dan is right.

You fell off the face of the earth without a word.

But isn't that what you wanted? You kicked me out of your house.

You said you have no reason to ever speak to me again.

And, what, you two were too busy doing whatever it is you do to even send a text? I spent the summer in the middle east, dealing with something relating to my father.

It's serious.

Well, and so am I about turning my life around.

Wait a second.

Blair, you two spent the summer apart? I started my summer on a train, being revived by paramedics.

Mouth-to-mouth on public transportation? Yeah, I'd say that's rock bottom.

Yeah, I would, too, which is why I wanted to start fresh without any of you.

As for why I pretended to be someone else, well, I-I think that explains itself.

Serena! I don't believe you.

Well, I'm not gonna let her just charge off without No, not Serena.

You.

That you chose Chuck, I don't like it, but I begrudgingly accept it.

Dan, please don't do this.

But then I find out that you're not even with him.

I am with him, or at least I will be.

We made a pact.

We have things we need to do on our own.

But when we are both in that next place, we will be together for food.

End of story.

So I didn't lose you to Chuck.

I lost you to the idea of Chuck, at some point in the hopefully not-to-distant future, maybe? Well, when you put it that way You know, you had someone who loved you unconditionally, treated you right, and wanted to be with you every day, and then you threw that all away to let Chuck Bass decide when he's ready for you? You think you two have an epic love, but all you have are excuses.

I have to go find Serena.

I'm sorry I came to Lily's.

I never meant to cause any problems.

Lily thinks what she wants.

It's always the worst, especially about me.

Well, she's wrong.

I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I'm glad you got away from her.

She doesn't appreciate you.

Never did.

You know, if you have such a poor opinion of Lily, then Why was it so important for you to get close to her? I realize now she's not the one I wanna be close to.

You're the good one, and you care about other people.

And I think that's why she's so threatened by me.

I see the real you, and I don't think she deserves you.

That's an interesting theory.

I think it's more than that.

Ivy It's okay.

I'm not a kid.

You're not married.

Why are you still here? You didn't think I was leaving without you? Or without saying I'm sorry.

Because I am, Serena.

Thinking that I really lost you made me regret every horrible thing I've ever said to you.

Well, that's a lot of regret.

However complicated our friendship got, I shouldn't have let it go.

I shouldn't have let you go.

"B.

F.

F.

" means "best friend forever," right? Well, maybe it's time to admit that We're stuck with each other.

I appreciate the kind words, andand I know that they're hard coming from you, but I don't want to be stuck with you.

I want a fresh start with Steven.

Fine.

If that's how you want it, stay here.

You can have Poughkeepsie.

Hell, you can even have Schenectady, but I get Manhattan.

Have a nice life.

Poor B.

Looks like she just got dumped by the love of her life, and we're not talking about Chuck or Dan.

The two of us alone in your limo? You're really tempting fate.

You know that? Unless that's your intention, of course.

We're both back in New York, doing what we need to do.

Maybe our pact is just an excuse for us not to be together.

Blair, I love you with all my heart, and that is the reason we cannot take the chance of messing this up.

Sure.

Because what would your father think if you failed? That I distracted you.

That you sacrificed your empire for me.

Blair, you are a distraction, because when we're together you're all I think about.

And I would give up my empire for you.

I would give up everything for you.

After a couple nights in Monte Carlo, I lost track of all time.

We were exhausted and starving.

I think I had an actual fever.

But that's not why we need to do this, and neither to prove a point to my father.

Then what? In the past, I blamed my mistakes on you, and Bart was right on that count.

It's the boy who blames the girl, not the man, and that's what I want to be with you.

It won't be much longer, I promise.

Arthur, pull over.

Wait.

What are you doing? This is your limo.

I need to walk it off.

Hey, sage.

Hi.

Sorry for dropping in after hours, but I was walking by and I saw that your office light was on.

Ah.

No, you, uh, you justyou thought of more questions, huh? Only one.

Would you like to have a drink with me? Yeah.

I could use a drink, actually.

Bad news on your big story? Real bad.

What's old is new again.

I may not have much time left, but some things are forever.

Since you know who I am, I thought it was time that you see where I'm from.

That explains why you didn't want to come back to the city and stay at my place.

I'm just on the other side of the park.

You know, all that time away, I didn't realize how much I missed it.

But now that I'm back and I'm with you, New York has never seemed more perfect.

The promise of love No one can ruin this, no matter how hard they're gonna try.

The threat of w*r And the fall of the mighty.

Amira.

It's late.

I thought you would be in your own suite.

Your father gave it to me to keep quiet.

About what? For that amount of money, you must know a hell of a secret.

I swear I don't know what it is, but I wanted to stick around to find out.

That was a waste of time.

All that driving and wedding crashing and public humiliation, and still no Serena.

What's worse, still no ending to your book.

Serena still has her cell phone.

I just know that video has to be on it.

I guess we'll never know 'cause Serena's not coming back, and you're not going looking for her again.

Something to hide, Humphrey? If memory serves, that video should make you a star.

Or is it that you just don't want Blair to see? Can youcan you, can you just drop it, please? Why are you even walking me to my door? I'm not kissing you good night.

Okay.

I' call you tomorrow.

And just because I've seen it all doesn't mean I've seen everything.

And I gotta say, no one saw this one coming.

You may think my best days are behind me, but this old girl still has some new tricks.

Stay tuned.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gossip Girl.

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


GOSSIP GIRL:
Where is she?

And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.

GEORGINA: Could it be any hotter?
It's a good thing you're not fair skinned.

Otherwise your summer
under the Tuscan sun...

...would end up under a scalpel
removing a melanoma.

DAN: I know it was my idea,
but why did I bring you to Italy?

I should be at the workshop
with all the other writers. Writing.

You shouldn't be creating in a workshop.
You're not an elf.

Besides, how can you possibly
be inspired inside?

Here, on the other hand...

...you're really looking for payback.

And what better place to knock
the Upper East Side out of the Dark Ages...

...than in the cradle of Renaissance itself?

Da Vinci, Galileo, Humphrey.

DAN: Underwood?
-Dio mio, have you learned nothing?

Technology means hackers.

We're going old school.
Don't just stand there, start typing.

Oh, grazie, I'm parched.

You'll get yours when I get mine.

Real names this time. No holding back.
Everyone gets exposed. The naked truth.

NATE: Faster, faster, faster.
Could this take any longer?

FEMALE PASSENGER:
I'm gonna ride this thing all night long.

I hate trains. Excuse me,
could you, like, move your leg.

Oh.

BLAIR:
My God!

Do that again.

What's the rush?

We've got all the time in the world.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Welcome back, Upper East Siders.

Call me superstitious...

...but I've got a feeling this fall
could be my last season.

Let's face it, I've been at this a long time.

But age breeds wisdom, and this I know:

The best is yet to come.

You both look so relaxed.

-Hamptons good for the soul?
-Well, yes, the Hamptons were lovely...

...but nothing compared to the Seychelles
where Bart and I renewed our vows.

Which was restorative.

But our time with Eric off the African coast
was the highlight.

VANYA:
Any word from Mr. Chuck?

Well, we're hoping Charles used
his summer to relax as much as we have.

I'm sure as soon as he sees what happy
couple you are...

...happy family won't be far behind.

I'm not so sure.

Look at all this.
It'll take weeks to get through.

I thought Serena
was keeping the apartment.

Well, that was the deal.

And since she's been ignoring my texts,
our primary mode of communication...

...I assumed she was taking care of it.

Vanya?

When is Serena gonna be back?

Ms. Serena?
I haven't seen her all summer.

I really appreciate you taking the time
to meet with me.

Well, it's nice to have someone else
asking the questions.

Plus, Professor Peiser
taught my favorite class at Columbia.

Well, clearly it worked.
I mean, look how successful you are.

-Well, we're about to find out.
-I think it's really brave.

You deciding to run The Spectator
on your own.

No investors, no partners, no safety net.

Wait, are you here to freak me out
or write a paper?

Heh. Sorry, I'm just impressed.

I wouldn't be going it alone
if I didn't think I could succeed.

And I have a story on the rise I know
is gonna secure the company's future.

You wouldn't wanna give
Professor Peiser's class an exclusive?

Uh, no, but I like your initiative.

If we're still in business
by the time you graduate...

...maybe I'll interview you for a job.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Lily, hey, how are you?

Serena, no,
I haven't heard from her all summer.

I assumed she was somewhere
between Tulum and the Turks and Caicos.

Hey, don't worry about it,
Serena's disappeared on us before.

But we always find her
and she's always fine.

Yes.

Okay.

I'm well aware of the deadlines, Mother.
You don't need to put any pressure on me.

The stress is making my hair
fall out in clumps.

Thank God for this chapeau.

If the Olsen twins
can build a fashion empire...

...by bossing around pattern drafters,
then so can I.

I have to go. Someone I actually
want to speak to just walked up.

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

-How was your meeting?
-Good.

Now that it's over
and I can be here with you.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

You French men, must be why
I always come back to Paris.

Your mother again?

I actually wish it was.

It's my friend Nate.

-Someone we know is missing.
-What happened?

Who can say? She does it all the time.

I'm sure it's nothing.

You don't sound convinced.
When was the last time you saw her?

When I kicked her out and told her my life
would be better without her in it.

It appears she got the message.

-What are you going to do?
-Exactly what needs to be done.

Set more meetings, look at the sketches...

...contact the mill,
see if they can move up production.

You don't have to take this down.

-You're not my assistant.
-No.

But I do care about you.

Which is why I'm booking you a ticket
back to New York.

That's where you need to be right now.

For your friend.

-First class?
-Bulkhead by the window.

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

Did this really happen? You and Serena?

On the bar of The Campbell Apartment.
Every dirty detail exactly as it occurred.

Not that. The part where you guys get it on
is 50 Shades of Boring. No offense.

After that you realize she had a sex tape.

She said she erased it,
but did you actually see her do it?

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

No, I don't know.
She said she would, I'm sure she did.

So she might still have it?

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

-Are you going to answer that?
-No.

It's Blair.
I know you might not believe this...

...but I'd rather listen to you
than Blair and her excuses for dumping me.

BLAIR:
Dan, finally, thank you for picking up.

I know you've been dodging my calls
all summer, but I talked to Nate...

...and no one knows where Serena is.
I thought you two might be together.

Hating me. Are you with her?

Hello, Blair.

Georgina. I should have known it was you
from the sound of that disdainful silence.

I don't want to know why
you are picking up Dan's phone...

...but please put him on. This is serious.

No one has seen Serena for months.
Not even Gossip Girl has posted.

And what could be worse than that?

-Always good catching up, Blair. Ciao.
-Wait, no. No!

[GRUNTS]

Okay, change of venue.

What? Why? What did Blair say?

There's a new ending for your book...

...if we can find Serena
before anyone else does.

I don't understand
what we're doing here, Chuck.

Neither do I.

Been trying to find out.

This was the last project
my father worked on before he...

...how do I put this delicately...

...fake died.

He said he was in Miami,
but he was here in Dubai with you.

As his translator.

And I already told you everything I know.

Look, I pored over all the records
when I took over Bass Industries...

...and there was nothing
about a project in Dubai.

And I know a view this breathtaking...

...would have taken up
my father's time and interest.

Once again, Chuck, I wish I could help.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

When your father walked away from this deal
I lost out. I'm not sure what else I can do.

Maybe you can translate for me.
Do you speak unstable psychopath?

Hello, Georgina,
to what do I owe the displeasure?

GOSSIP GIRL:
From around the world...

...our favorite Upper East Siders
are asking the same question.

But I couldn't care less.

Serena van der Woodsen is dead.

At least to me.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Spotted at JFK and Teterboro.

Our favorite UESers returning home.

What motivated the sudden flurry
of trans-Atlantic travel?

Could it be a certain passport
that didn't get stamped this summer?

LILY: No, her passport's here
in a box with her things.

So let's focus our efforts closer to home.

Thank you, officer.

Charles, you didn't have to come home.

-But I am so glad you did.
-Of course.

-And you're not alone.
-Amira Abbar.

-Hello.
-Amira's a new friend. We met in Dubai.

BART:
Beautiful city.

With beautiful women.

I'm Bart Bass.

-Son, I trust your summer was relaxing.
-Indeed, Father.

Nothing like travel to clear the mind.
I found Dubai fascinating.

A forward looking city,
yet so many links to the past.

It's true.
I showed Chuck all my favorite spots.

Usually Chuck can find
a woman's favorite spot all by himself.

Blair, you're back, and you brought a friend.

-And who's your mystery guest?
-I was just introducing her.

-Where were we?
-Just leaving.

Couple things to clear up at the office.

Yes, I'm gonna head out with you.
I have one more place to check for Serena.

-Nice to meet you.
-Amira, I'll meet you at the hotel.

Yes, you can drop her off
on your way to my mother's.

-I think there's jam on the wheel.
GEORGINA: Consider yourself lucky.

Don't know how much time
you've spent around babies.

Yours, when you were pretending
he was mine.

Constant pooping, food throwing,
random explosions out of every orifice.

Babies are nauseating.

-Not that I don't love being a mother.
-Just not as much as secret missions.

-A woman shouldn't have to choose.
-Who were you texting...

...when Phil dropped the van off? I was the
last person to see Serena. I have no clue.

But you forget that I've known S
since ninth grade.

Whenever she hits a bump in life,
she reaches for a bump of a different kind.

And her favorite provider is...

...Damien Dalgaard.

-You really think Serena's on drugs?
-Hopefully. Or clinically insane.

Either would be a great ending
for your book.

What? Poughkeepsie's known
for three things.

I highly doubt S has enrolled in Vassar.

And she's not up for taste testing
at The Culinary Institute.

-Which leaves?
-Where we're headed.

The Hudson River State Mental Hospital.

Swear to me that nothing
is going on between you and Amira.

When I saw you two
I thought you'd reneged on the promise.

Never. She's a weapon
against my father, that's all.

They were involved
in some business deal.

I brought her back to rattle him.

Oh, she was his translator.

You've always expressed admiration
for women who are good with tongues.

-She's very pretty.
-No prettier than your Jean Pierre.

As the head of public relations, does
he know how much you enjoy relations?

You two seem close.

Well, he's been my constant companion
since I returned to Paris.

Focusing on work
has made it easier to be away from you.

If I had known it would be this difficult
going our separate ways...

...I would never have agreed.

We had to come to an agreement...

...or we never would've left
that hotel room in Monte Carlo.

And we have much to do.

But like I said in the casino...

...I'm all in.

My bet's on us.

Lily, what are you doing here?

I thought you and Bart
were on an 80-foot yacht?

The yacht was 110-feet...

...and most people who've actually
been on one call it a boat.

I assume you didn't come
all the way to Brooklyn to tell me that.

No, I didn't come here to tell you anything.
I came here to ask, have you seen Serena?

She's missing and I thought
she might've sought out Dan.

Well, Dan's in Italy,
and I haven't seen or heard from Serena.

Oh, really?
Is that why her sweater's here?

Ha! Rufus,
you have reached an all-time low.

I mean, first you let her hide here...

-...and then you lie to me right to my face.
-That's not Serena's sweater.

IVY:
It's mine.

-What is going on?
-Ivy's been staying here.

-Here? With you?
-Lily, could I get you a glass of water?

-You don't look well.
-I assure you, I am quite all right.

-Unlike you.
IVY: There's nothing wrong with Rufus.

He saved me.

After I tore up your check
you wrote me, I had nothing.

I was on the verge
of doing something desperate...

...and Rufus opened his home to me.

-Gave me a chance.
RUFUS: I don't know why it matters.

-But she's sleeping in Dan's room.
-It doesn't matter to me.

None of it does.

My daughter is missing.
God knows what happened to her.

And I don't know why
she would ever think of coming here.

This is all clothes and toiletries.

We're never gonna discover
Serena's secrets in her loofah.

She never kept a day planner? An address
book that might have some names in it?

Serena's life is on her cell phone,
and it seems to be the only thing she has.

-Still nothing from Gossip Girl?
-I checked.

Her last post on Serena was in the spring,
the day she moved out.

Just because she hasn't written,
doesn't mean she doesn't know anything.

You do have a correspondence
with our poison pen pal.

When I heard, it was the first thing I tried.

-Gossip Girl didn't give me anything.
-Nate, you have to convince her.

Haven't you ever seen a Hitchcock movie
or watched Dateline?

There's only so many ways this goes.

Kidnap, ransom, t*rture, m*rder,
or brainwash cult.

-Okay, Blair, we get it.
-No, you don't.

We both know that Serena
is quite capable of hurting herself.

But this time I'm afraid I hurt her too.

There is one more thing I can try.

Anything, please.

If you have a card,
now is the time to play it.

It's okay. We'll find her.

BLAIR: Promise?
CHUCK: Yeah.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Looks like N is about to save the day.

But we'll see if he can still save his friend.

And that way we could take advantage
of the natural light. What do you think?

Earth to Rufus.

Have you heard one thing I've said?

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Earth to Rufus, that's a really cool name
for a solo record, by the way.

Admit it.

Lily's visit upset you.

Not just because something
could have happened to Serena...

...but because Lily would think
there was something going on between us.

All you've done is been a good person.

What I've done is dragged you
from one art gallery to another.

I mean, if you have to see
one more polished concrete floor....

It was fun.

And it was worth it finding this place.

Look, I'll call the agent
and tell him you'll take it...

-...and go pick up the keys.
-I can't let you do all that.

You can and you will.

Because you're gonna be too busy
helping Lily.

Well, I guess I was Serena's dad
longer than anyone else.

Which is why you should go.

Well, thanks, Ivy, and if there
are any problems with that realtor--

There won't be. I've got this.

Trust me.

LOLA [OVER MACHINE]:
You've reached Lola. Leave a message.

Lola. Hi, it's Ivy.

So congrats on booking the TV series.

NBC, huh? It's very impressive.

Well, whatever acting you have
going on over there...

...has nothing on my performance.

Rufus Humphrey's easy on the eyes...

...and even easier to manipulate.

Call me.

We're not too far
from where Gossip Girl said she is.

What makes you sure we're not
being lead on a wild goose chase?

I mean, Gossip Girl
is only slightly less trustworthy...

...than, say, Georgina Sparks, or me.

You could pretend that you're relieved
that Serena wasn't institutionalized.

Any disappointment is not because
the mental hospital was a dead end.

It stems from the fact that you and I
missed out on a real opportunity.

Empty hospital bed, four point restraints--

No, you stop there before I start chugging
this premium unleaded.

I paid a serious price
for Serena's location.

I was gonna break a major story.

I had video that could have lead
to the identity of Gossip Girl.

Unmasking Gossip Girl?
That's a major media coup.

I can't imagine a better way
to relaunch The Spectator.

You're gonna have to.
I traded the story to find where Serena is.

I don't understand.

It's noble and selfless,
of course you don't.

-You put your whole venture at risk.
-Hey, if it helps Serena, it's worth it.

Come on, Humphrey, I can go undercover
as a patient, you can be my orderly.

Something about mental hospitals
really just gets me going.

Yeah, that's because you're insane.

I say we turn around, go home,
and pretend none of this ever happened.

Start the car. We have to see
what this Odyssey can do on an open road.

I'd say 40, 45 max, why?
What's the sudden rush?

The limo, it's Chuck's.
I memorized the plate.

I knew he and Blair knew where Serena was.
Damien was right all along.

We have to get there.
Serena recouping in rehab...

...much less interesting
than a full-on sl*t-spiral.

That's a heart-warming tale, but why
would you assume that Chuck is with Blair?

No, hey! Georgina, wait a second,
you gotta hold up. What are you doing?

-Open-- Stop the car.
-Get in!

NATE: The place we're going
doesn't look like an actual road.

She's literally off the map.

Whatever town we're headed to
it can't be good.

-Serena is not country strong.
-Well, we're gonna have to be for her.

Can you turn right here, please?
We need to go west.

[HONKING AND TIRES SCREECHING]

[GRUNTS]

NATE: What the hell is going on?
-What are we doing?

Sabotage.

BLAIR: Georgina Sparks.
-With Humphrey in tow.

Hey guys, nice day for a drive?

-Don't talk to them. Let's go. Now.
BLAIR: Where are you going?

-What are you doing?
-Same thing you're doing.

-Saving Serena.
-No, finding Serena.

Since you're following us,
I'm going to ask you to follow my lead.

-Which means what?
-Do nothing. Whatever Serena is doing...

...we can't get involved.
We're there to observe and record.

This isn't a reality show, Sparks.
This is reality.

A concept I know you're a little fuzzy on.
So whatever filth-filled, paint huffing...

...meth den we find Serena in,
we don't judge.

NATE: We're still her friends.
CHUCK: We're her family.

Aren't you the kindest,
nicest little trust-fund babies in the world.

When it comes to what Serena's capable of
it's nothing like what you imagined.

I can't argue with you there.

GEORGINA:
I point out that most serial K*llers...

...are functioning members of society
who lead a double life.

She could be trapped in the basement
or buried.

Good idea, Georgina. Why don't you
grab a shovel and start digging?

There's gotta be an explanation
for all this.

[BEEPS]

-Can I help you?
-We're looking for our friend Serena.

BLAIR:
Blond. Legs for days.

Effortless charisma that only someone far
less secure than I would find threatening.

-And I'm the weird one?
-I believe you mean Sabrina?

GOSSIP GIRL: Looks like someone's
about to toss her cookies.

And the only thing more disturbing than
finding her on drugs or in a psych ward?

Seeing her happy and healthy.

Who wants that?

-What the hell are you doing here?
-Looking for you.

-To observe and record.
-No, we're here to help.

And get you home.

And I don't even know
what I'm doing here.

Can't you see there's a party
and you're not invited?

-Crashing is one of our favorite pastimes.
-Especially when it involves a deadly cult.

-Which one is the charismatic leader?
-Please leave.

STEVE: Sabrina!
-Sabrina.

Too late.

Sabrina, you didn't tell me
you invited friends.

That is so Sabrina.

-She loves surprises.
-She has so many, you could write a book.

Where to end is the challenge.

-I hope you don't mind us dropping by.
-Steven.

Nice to meet you. And of course not.

The more, the merrier
on this special day.

Please, stay and be a part of it.

Oh, yes, Steven. I think we will.

Why don't we get my friends
some drinks then?

I know I'm not exactly
a welcome house guest these days...

...but we shouldn't let our recent history
overshadow our past.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

How could I have thought
it was okay...

...to go all summer without talking
to my own daughter?

Whatever this is, Lil, isn't your fault.

And why should I believe that?

That's what you told me when Jenny
ran away. She was much younger...

...and crazier, with much heavier
eye makeup than Serena.

We raised good girls.

Unpredictable, sure--

Try reckless, defiant--

Spirited, independent.
Not unlike their parents at that age.

Oh, God.
Who can remember back that far.

I can. And seeing the way her mom
turned out, I have every confidence...

...that Serena will be okay.

I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't
have stormed out like that. I had no right.

I should have known you wouldn't
be attracted to someone like, you know...

...Ivy.

IVY:
So sorry to interrupt.

But I just came from the gallery.

And look.

We got it.

I was just so excited I couldn't wait.

[IVY CHUCKLES]

It's what we dreamed about all summer.

Well played, Rufus. You butter me up,
remind me how great you can be...

...only to have your little tr*mp show up here
and throw whatever this is in my face.

-Lily, hold on.
LILY: Is it any wonder...

...our children are still so immature
with such role models for parents.

-Don't say anything you're gonna regret.
-I have no regrets, Rufus.

Only that I let you in my home today.

I'm already leaving.

You know,
I know you're really worried about Serena...

...but you should try to relax your face.

You're getting some very pronounced
frown lines. Bye.

[CHATTERING]

-This is worse than we thought.
-Because you're here? I agree.

What makes you say that?
It's a nice house. Seems like a nice guy.

Look at this. Trellis, chairs, pastor.
This is a wedding.

And Serena was wearing a white dress.

Either she's the bride,
or she's really tacky.

I told you.
She's obviously had a psychotic break.

Serena's taken too many pills.
She thinks she's Sabrina from Dan's book.

That actually sounds vaguely plausible.

Or today is the day of the cult sacrifice.
Since I don't see volcanoes, I wonder...

-...if they're burning her at the stake.
-You lost me.

Whatever is going on,
we can't let her marry this guy.

-Time for a plan.
NATE: Lily was worried this morning.

I should let her know we found Serena.

I can reach out to the Ostroff Center.
Have them ready Serena's old bed.

Humphrey and I will try to get her alone.

We're the closest to her.
It's the best chance of breaking through.

Aren't you forgetting someone?

Trying to.

Fear not.
I've seduced a man of the cloth before.

-I can do it again.
-This wedding cannot happen.

Blair, why don't you
go find Serena on your own?

You know, I'm really not up
for a super-secret mission.

Especially with you. I'm not here to help.
Georgina dragged me along so I could--

Oh, okay.

What is wrong with you?

Aside from the fact
that my face now hurts?

You know what, Blair?

You chose Chuck.
I don't owe you an explanation.

Good luck.

In here, Chuck.

Wrong Bass, my dear.

What are you doing here?

I came here
to ask you the same question.

So is Chuck using you...

...or are you using him?

What goes on between Chuck and me
is none of your business.

You better hope your relationship
has nothing to do with business.

Because so help me
if you've told him anything about mine.

I haven't.

Yet.

But that could always change.

Chuck is very persuasive.

Takes after his father
in more ways than one.

What do you want to leave town
with your mouth shut?

You think you can just buy my silence?

I can buy anything.

It's one of the chief perks
of being really rich.

Ten million dollars.

[SCOFFS]

Everything okay?
You seem a little nervous.

Oh, yeah, no, it's just a lot of pressure.
And I want everything to be perfect, so....

But when do I get to see you alone?

That's all I care about.

Not soon enough.

Although I imagine you wanna
spend time with your friends.

So are they from Vassar, or did you grow up
with them in Wisconsin?

Uh, Wisconsin.

And I'm so sorry
I didn't tell you I invited them.

-Must've slipped my mind with all this.
-Oh, it's okay. I'll see you out there.

Okay.

Wisconsin? Seriously?
Do you even know where that is on a map?

What I know is you told me
you never want to see me again.

Then you show up today when I'm finally
happy with someone I actually care about?

Cares about you? Or Sabrina
from Madison who goes to Vassar?

-Georgina's right. You really are delusional.
-I'm not gonna let you ruin this.

I have no intention of ruining your day.
I hope you marry this guy.

It would be the attention-seeking stunt...

...that would prove you're as shallow
and sad as the character in my book.

Okay, I deserved that one.

Wait.

Wait, marry him?

How'd it go?

Humphrey and I split up. I didn't find Serena
so hopefully he did. You?

The Ostroff Center is on alert.
Though now it's the Pedowitz Institute.

Great news.
You'll never guess what I found.

Looks like Nate Archibald to me.

After I talked to Lily, I found her
rooting around Serena's bathroom.

Not rooting, snooping.
And all for good reason.

You were supposed to be getting
between that man and his cloth.

He's Protestant. I do best with Catholics.

-Thank God I'm atheist.
-Great, this wedding is gonna happen...

...unless we find Serena,
which requires finding Dan.

Well, that might be easier than you think.

[GLASS TINKS]

STEVE:
Could I have everyone's attention, please.

Sabrina, would you join me?

-Tell them, please.
-Of course.

-Serena explained everything--
-Explained what?

That she's never been happy in her life?

That she found true love
for the very first time? Please.

--which is why I'm so glad
that you all could be here...

...for this special moment.

And to have the love of my life
by my side.

So let's all raise a glass--

No. No!

We will raise nothing!

You cannot marry her.
You don't even know her.

-Blair, please.
BLAIR: Her name isn't Sabrina, either.

It is Serena. Serena van der Woodsen.

-That's not all.
-What are you doing? I've got this.

Public humiliation's
really more my forte.

Sabrina-- Serena has a history of mental
imbalance, drug use and promiscuity.

That's right.
She's got a rap sheet and snuff film.

Yeah, and we have contacted
a psychiatric care center...

...who has agreed
to take her into custody.

-k*ll me now.
MAN: Hey!

What are you doing down there?

Who are the angry guys
in matching hats?

DAN:
They're the grooms.

That's what I was trying to say.
This is not Serena's wedding.

Will someone tell me
what's going on here?

Why are the maid of honor's friends
ruining David and David's wedding?

I know I have some explaining to do.
Can we talk, just us, please?

No. No one goes anywhere.

No more lies.
I have proof that you're on drugs.

I found these in your bathroom.

-Yeah, those are vitamins.
-We're supposed to believe that.

Steven makes them.
He has a holistic health company.

Wait, you're Steven Spence. I saw you
speak at the TED conference last year.

I told you I was fine.

-Actually, no, you didn't.
BLAIR: Yeah, Dan is right.

-You fell off the face of Earth.
SERENA: Isn't that what you wanted?

You kicked me out. You said you had
no reason to speak to me again.

What, you two were too busy
doing whatever you do to even send a text?

I spent the summer dealing with my father.
It's serious.

Well, and so am I.
About turning my life around.

Wait a second.
You two spent the summer apart?

I started my summer on a train
being revived by paramedics.

Mouth-to-mouth
on public transportation?

-I'd say that's rock bottom.
-I would too.

Which is why I wanted to start fresh
without any of you.

As for why I pretended to be someone else,
well, I think that explains itself.

-Serena!
-I don't believe you.

-I'm not gonna let her just charge off--
-Not Serena. You.

That you chose Chuck, I don't like.

-But I begrudgingly accepted--
-Dan. Please don't do this.

-Then I find out you're not even with him.
-I am with him.

Or at least I will be. We made a pact.

We have things we need to do
on our own.

But when we are both in that next place,
we will be together.

-For good. End of story.
-I didn't lose you to Chuck.

I lost you to the idea of Chuck?
At some point...

...in the hopefully
not-too-distant future, maybe?

-Well, when you put it that way....
-You had someone who loved you.

Treated you right. Wanted to be with you
every day. You threw that away...

...to let Chuck Bass decide
when he's ready for you?

You think you two have an epic love.
But all you have are excuses.

I have to go find Serena.

I'm sorry I came to Lily's.

I never meant to cause any problems.

Lily thinks what she wants.
It's always the worst.

-Especially about me.
-Well, she's wrong.

I probably shouldn't be saying this...

...but I'm glad you got away from her.

She doesn't appreciate you. Never did.

You know,
if you have such a poor opinion of Lily...

...then why was it so important
for you to get so close to her?

[SIGHS]

What I realize now...

...she's not the one
I want to be close to.

You're the good one.
You care about other people.

And I think that's why
she's so threatened by me.

I see the real you.

And I don't think she deserves you.

That's an interesting theory.

I think it's more than that.

Ivy.

It's okay.

I'm not a kid.

You're not married.

Why are you still here?

You didn't think I was leaving
without you?

Or without saying I'm sorry.

Because I am, Serena.

Thinking that I've really lost you...

...made me regret every horrible thing
I've said to you.

Well, that's a lot of regret.

However complicated
our friendship got...

...I shouldn't have let it go.

I shouldn't have let you go.

BFF means "best friend forever," right?

Well, maybe it's time to admit
that we're stuck with each other.

I appreciate the kind words.

And I know that they're hard,
coming from you.

But I don't want to be stuck with you.

I want a fresh start.

With Steven.

Fine.

If that's how you want it, stay here.

You can have Poughkeepsie.

Hell, you can even have Schenectady.
But I get Manhattan.

Have a nice life.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Poor B.

Looks like she just got dumped
by the love of her life.

And we're not talking about Chuck or Dan.

The two of us alone in your limo.

You're really tempting fate, you know that?

Unless that's your intention, of course.

We're both back in New York,
doing what we need to do.

Maybe our pact is just an excuse
for us not to be together.

Blair, I love you with all my heart.

And that is the reason...

...I cannot take the chance
of messing this up.

Sure. Because what would your father think
if you failed?

That I distracted you.

That you sacrificed your empire for me.

Blair, you are a distraction.

Because when we're together,
you're all I think about.

And I would give up my empire for you.
I would give up everything for you.

After a couple nights in Monte Carlo,
I lost track of all time.

We were exhausted and starving.

-I think I had an actual fever.
-But that's not why we need to do this.

-And neither to prove a point to my father.
-Then what?

In the past, I blamed my mistakes on you.

Bart was right on that count.

It's the boy that blames the girl.
Not the man.

And that's what I want to be with you.

It won't be much longer, I promise.

-Arthur, pull over.
-Wait. What are you doing?

This is your limo.

I need to walk it off.

NATE: Hey, Sage.
-Hi. Sorry for dropping in after-hours...

...but I saw your office light on.

-You thought of more questions, huh?
-Only one.

Would you like to have a drink
with me?

Yeah. I could use a drink, actually.

Bad news on your big story?

Real bad.

GOSSIP GIRL:
What's old is new again.

I may not have much time left,
but some things are forever.

Since you know who I am, I thought
it was time for you to see where I'm from.

Explains why you didn't want to come back
to the city and stay at my place.

I'm just on the other side of the park.

You know, all that time away,
I didn't realize how much I missed it.

But now that I'm back...

...and I'm with you,
New York has never seemed more perfect.

GOSSIP GIRL:
The promise of love.

No one can ruin this.
No matter how hard they're gonna try.

GOSSIP GIRL:
The threat of w*r.

And the fall of the mighty.

Amira. Hey, it's late.
I thought you would be in your own suite.

Your father gave it to me to keep quiet.

About what? For that amount of money
you must know a hell of a secret.

I swear I don't know what it is.

But I'm willing to stick around to find out.

That was a waste of time.
All that driving and wedding crashing...

...and public humiliation and still no Serena.

What's worse,
still no ending to your book.

Serena still has her cell phone.
I know that video has to be on it.

Guess we'll never know.
Serena's not coming back.

And you're not going looking
for her again.

Something to hide, Humphrey?

That video should make you a star.
Or is it you just don't want Blair to see?

Can we drop it, please?
Why are you walking me to my door?

-I'm not kissing you good night.
-Okay, I'll call you tomorrow.

GOSSIP GIRL: Just because I've seen it all,
doesn't mean I've seen everything.

And gotta say,
no one saw this one coming.

You may think my best days
are behind me...

...but this old girl
still has some new tricks.

Stay tuned.

XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.