|Transcripts - Forever Dreaming
|14x02 - Thunder Gun 4: Maximum Cool
|Page 1 of 1|
|Author:||bunniefuu [ 10/04/19 11:54 ]|
|Post subject:||14x02 - Thunder Gun 4: Maximum Cool|
ANNOUNCER: FXX presents...
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
MAC: I hope they don't show us some boring art house movie.
CHARLIE: Well, the title of the movie is terrible.
I mean, Focus Group? What is that?
Focus Group isn't the title of the movie.
- We're in a focus group.
Charlie, we're here to watch, analyze, critique, and then, most importantly, judge whatever film we're gonna be shown.
Uh, these filmmakers... they need valuable input, and we have been carefully selected to provide it.
We were walking out of the mall, and they offered us Red Lobster gift cards.
Nevertheless, you know, they've chosen wisely.
Uh, good afternoon, everyone.
I-I want to thank you for joining us today.
Now, your feedback is very important to us.
I'm just a little confused here, 'cause I can't follow this movie.
The movie hasn't started yet.
Yeah, uh, Moderator, not to worry.
I-I just want to assure you that your movie is in good hands.
Y-You've chosen wisely.
See, I, myself, am a prolific filmmaker.
In fact, while you don't thrill me, I might even consider you for one of my roles.
Well, thank you, um, but I'm not really a performer.
I'll get a performance out of you.
- Uh, where will we appear in the credits?
- Are we gonna be at the front?
- Sort of the beginning of the film, or...?
Well, you-you will not be.
But your opinions are valuable to us.
- And you're gonna get a lot of them. (CHUCKLES)
I'm already tearing this entire experience apart.
- As am I.
- Why don't we just start?
- just go ahead and show us
- DEE: Yeah, I'm hungry.
So the title of the film is...
Thunder Gun : Maximum Cool.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
What was that?
I, uh... I'm not sure.
Did they make Thunder Gun bad?
Now, clearly, the film is not done, but still a work in progress.
- Okay, great.
Okay, so let's adjourn to the conference room to begin our session.
- Let's get into it. Yeah.
- We can, uh, we can fix it.
MODERATOR: Okay, why don't we just break it down, act by act?
I'll play back a scene from the first act, and then we can discuss.
- Yeah, okay. All right.
♪ Train roll on... ♪
- Excuse me.
Is your name John? John ThunderGun?
Mm. Maybe once.
I'm Dr. Ling.
This is my assistant Max.
I'm head of research and development for Com-Tec.
We need your help.
You got a bottle of whiskey that needs draining?
A man named Colonel Washington has stolen a formula from our lab.
In the wrong hands, this formula could be used as a powerful weapon.
A weapon that could destroy millions of lives.
We need it back, but he wants something from us.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
Not what, but who.
I am Colonel Washington.
You know my reputation, so you'll give me what I seek.
Where is ThunderGun?
I am ThunderGun.
I am ThunderGun.
I am ThunderGun.
(CHANTING): I am ThunderGun!
I am ThunderGun!
I am ThunderGun! I am ThunderGun!
I am... (YELLING)
(MACHINEGUN FIRE CONTINUES)
Okay, who has questions about the setup?
- Me, me, me, me!
- Um, let's start with you.
Um... the entire movie.
So, the main characters, the story, the villain.
That's where you lost me.
Well, Colonel Washington, obviously.
That's not clear.
In the old movies, the good guy wore white, the bad guy wore black, or was black.
Well, depending on the hero.
Right? It's-it's not a racial thing.
See, I want the bad guy to be different than me
- so I know why I hate him.
- FRANK: Mm.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like Rocky one.
Bad guy was black.
Rocky II... another black guy.
Rocky III... different black guy with a mohawk.
- the bad guy was foreign, right?
- FRANK: Yeah.
- DEE: There we go.
People hate foreigners.
- Right. - Yeah, we hate them.
- FRANK: Yeah.
- Just give him an accent.
What about Australian?
No, that's not gonna work.
'Cause they're white.
No, because they're fun.
They're a very fun group of people, right? I mean...
- DEE: Yeah.
- It's impossible.
- Little rascals.
- French. (GROANS)
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Not scary. Not scary.
When in doubt,
- go Eastern European, right?
- That's a classically evil part of the world.
- There you go.
You know, let's talk a bit about the female character.
- I would love to.
What did you think of Dr. Ling?
Oh, I think she sucks.
So, you... you want the female characters to have less agency?
Yeah. Look, I feel bad enough about myself as is.
I don't need some super hot, funny, smart chick doing, like, roundhouse kicks and cracking computer codes
- to make me feel worse.
No. No. I-I like the women of the old Thunder Gun days, right?
Bed 'em and dead 'em.
Look, first act, he meets a lady.
She's super hot, but I'm smarter, right?
And then he bangs her, and she gets dead.
And-and later on, he meets someone.
All right, this one's smart, I'll give her that, but I'm funnier. (CHUCKLES)
You know what I mean?
He bangs her, she gets dead, and then, and in the end, he falls in love with an ugly one, and who cares about that? I don't care about that.
And then she gets dead, and that sets up for the next movie, and I'm all in.
Because all of the women are dead.
You know? No competition.
- Oh, that's a good point. Yeah.
- DEE: Right?
- Women hate women.
I think the studio was trying to get away from the female character just acting as a plot device or a s*x trophy.
- Ah, but, yeah, why?
- But that works.
Let's take it into the second act with this next clip.
I'm sorry I dragged you into this, ThunderGun.
Don't lose hope.
We may get out of this yet.
But if we don't, I think there's something I should tell you.
We've met before.
At a bar.
I went home with you.
The next morning, you were gone, and I never heard from you again.
I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I never was good at being tied down.
(CHUCKLES) No, it's not that.
(EXHALES) My assistant.
You know Max.
Well, he's not just my assistant.
He's my son.
- Are you trying to tell me...
He's your son, too.
Max is your son.
So, this is the midpoint twist.
Um, ThunderGun finding out he has a son.
But how is this the twist?
I mean, because he's got a kid?
I mean, he's probably got a thousand kids, all the raw-dog loads he drops.
I don't know what "raw-dog loads" are.
Sorry for him. But my disgusting friend does bring up a good point.
I mean, every Thunder Gun movie has at least one very tasteful yet very erotic s*x scene in it,
- and this had none.
Yeah. I've... I've been waiting for the right time to bring this up, but I feel like we need to address the elephant in the room, no?
- Yeah, this is a big one for us.
- I've been thinking about it.
Okay, so... where's the dong?
(CHARLIE CLICKS TONGUE)
- The dong.
Yeah, the dong. The dong.
John ThunderGun has hung dong in every chapter of this saga.
And, well, I just watched minutes of one, and yet not one hang.
Well, I think that the studio was thinking the gratuitous nudity was maybe a bit much.
- f*ck you.
- that America is sick of.
Hollywood's completely out of touch.
- So out of touch with what people want!
- what people actually want?
Movies are different now.
You lost a sense of community.
Interesting. Go on.
Look, years ago, before the Internet, we would all go out to the movies together.
Yes. This is exactly what studios are trying to bring back. A-An event.
- A place we can all go to enjoy as a community.
I mean, it used to be you give the creep-show at the window a couple of bucks, you could spend all day in there popping off.
And the joy of it was that there were people popping off at the same time.
I mean, n-not that you looked at each other. It was dark.
You weren't looking for the gay thing.
But it gave you a sense of something bigger than yourself.
Now, they... you know, got rid of all these movie theaters.
They're taking all the s*x out of the movies.
And what am I supposed to do?
Go home, turn the lights off and pop off in front of Charlie?
Are you talking about pornography theaters?
I'm talking about community, honey.
Wh-What do you mean, the new rating?
Thunder Gun: Maximum Cool will be rated PG- .
Now, that's quite a midpoint twist.
They did it! They did.
They ruined everything with this PC bullshit.
Straight white men can't have anything anymore.
Men? Look, don't forget white women.
We got completely passed over.
Yeah, and I can't follow any of this.
We're feeling a lot of outrage right now, you know, because we want something, and we know we deserve it,
- but we're not getting it.
I'm mad, but I don't know at what anymore.
- That's what it is!
MAC: That's what it is! I'm pissed!
- Aah! I'm mad.
Our way of life is changing,
- and that's scary.
- We don't want to change.
- Makes me mad.
- Let's get out of here.
- We'll run from it.
- wait, wait.
Guys, we can't run. Come on.
What's ThunderGun's slogan?
"No hesitation, no surrender, no man left behind."
Did we leave a guy in there, though?
Goddamn right we did, Charlie, and his name is John ThunderGun.
- (MARTIAL MUSIC PLAYING)
We owe it to ourselves, to ThunderGun, and to movie audiences all over the world to put a stop to this liberal, PC bullshit.
- DEE: Mm-hmm.
To not pull our punches.
To save the dong.
Save the dong.
- Save the dong.
- I agree.
- This is why you don't include women.
Don't you see that there was a rhythm?
- Like a cinematic rhythm.
- Let's do it again.
- I get it now.
You can't give women the zingers.
Now, you listen here, you goddamn Hollywood communist.
I live in Roxborough.
Again, I didn't make this movie.
Listen to me, listen to me. If you start to strip s*x out of our communities, out of our culture and-and even our art, not only do you isolate people, but you create an oppression disguised as morality.
I mean, the... the Thunder Gun series has always been groundbreaking in so many ways, notwithstanding the recognition of an inequality that was present in cinema since its beginning days.
The objectifying of the female form. I mean, with Thunder Gun, a great injustice was rectified. Okay?
Fairness of the sexes.
A unification of the human condition.
I'm sorry, is this still about the flaccid pen1s you'd like to see?
You're goddamn right!
- MAC: Yeah.
Yes, we want to see the man's dick, but...
I guess what I'm saying is that it's no longer just about gratuitous boobs, it's also about gratuitous pen1s.
I mean, ThunderGun was about progress.
Right. Uh, I think we all can agree that public opinion has sort of turned against the idea of someone exposing themselves.
- (ALL GROAN)
- This is a different thing.
See, ThunderGun didn't take his dick out to intimidate people.
He did it because he had accomplished his mission.
He wanted to kick back and call it a day.
He did do it once to intimidate someone,
- but that was the bad guy.
And it just so happened the bad guy was a female.
That was the best one. That was the best one!
- That was funny.
You know? Or maybe just feel the cool breeze gently tickle the shaft on a, on a crisp autumn morn.
I don't know, whatever men do to... to feel powerful.
- That's what it is.
Listen, Moderator, the point is this.
I mean, it used to be only, like, the hard-line conservatives, like the pearl-clutching types, were the only ones that were overly vocal and extreme in their policing of sexuality.
But now you got this, like, liberal wave of moral authority sweeping the nation.
You know, it's nuts. I mean, think about it.
If the conservatives had always run Hollywood, movies would have sucked.
You know what I mean?
So I guess the question we're asking is how will art fare under the oppressive thumb of this new liberal Hollywood moral PC elite?
Well, I don't know. It's tough to say.
But is that a world that we want to live in?
I say no.
I say give me dong or give me death.
CHARLIE: Yeah, man, don't tell me what I can see and what I can't see.
So, uh, just to be clear here, they didn't make it PG- because of political correctness.
- Oh, did they not?
Because of streaming, and most importantly,
Yeah, and how have you all been viewing the franchise?
- Oh, no-no, not through piracy.
In f... In fact, we, we-we saw the last installment of-of the franchise out in the theater.
- We barely made it.
Oh, wait, no-no, hold on, but Frank called in that bomb threat.
Oh, but-but that was okay, because remember, then we went home, and we, we saw it on the Internet.
- Caught it online.
So, that's... that is pirating.
No, no, no, pirating is stealing.
We didn't steal it, okay?
Uh, the website is called
MAC: And the other one is called, uh, "FreeMovies/Arrrgh."
Ah, I'm starting to see a little bit of a pattern here, because, uh, I also use one called "StolenMovies.free."
So... you're part of the problem.
Because of people like you, the studios felt like this was their only recourse.
PG- opens up a whole new market.
You're saying it's our fault that we don't get to see the dong?
You're coming in there changing everything, you know, getting rid of the dong, I mean, how is that even Thunder Gun anymore?
Well, yeah, th-they're changing it.
They're rebooting the entire franchise.
You guys didn't get that from the final scene?
CHARLIE: Uh, no, what...?
Okay. Let's review.
I'm not gonna make it through this one.
We can both go detonate the hydro-fusion bomb.
No hesitation. No surrender.
Not this time.
Sometimes in order to save something... you have to destroy something.
You'll need this to get out of here, son.
To continue our story.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
So, you see, they're rebooting the franchise for a younger audience.
The only people who are actually still going to see movies.
I did not get that.
Well, you haven't gotten anything the entire day.
Got to side with Charlie on this one.
I didn't get it.
You mean the torch?
The one he passed to his son Max... as in Maximum Cool... and said, "You need to continue our story"?
It's the camera guy who screwed up.
'Cause ThunderGun, he fell into that fiery abyss,
- and for some reason, we're watching the kid...
No-no, you guys don't get it.
It's a cliffhanger. We're gonna find out what happened to John in the next movie, Thunder Gun ...
- that we didn't get to see, yes?
This isn't a cliffhanger. He's dead.
John is dead.
- I don't think so.
You don't have to think.
ThunderGun fell into a volcano.
He died. And now his son Max becomes Thunder Son, the face of the franchise moving forward.
- (FRANK SIGHS)
He has a son?
f*ck, man! What?
- How do you not get that?
Reshoots. Reshoots. You got to reshoot.
- Yeah, reshoots.
No! That's not what we're gonna do.
We're out of time. That's it.
But you're ruining our favorite movie!
- How can we save the movies that we love?
Maybe if you actually go out to the theaters and pay to see them, then they will continue to make them.
Whoa! Oh, that's easy for you to say!
With your Hollywood liberal bank account!
Jesus! Who are you people?!
I... am ThunderGun.
I... am ThunderGun.
I... am ThunderGun.
DENNIS AND DEE: I am... Thundergun.
DENNIS: Goddammit, Dee!
- that I was next and then you?
MAC: There was a build to it,
- and then...
- Okay, start it over.
- Start it over?
Well, RIP ThunderGun, I guess.
Yeah. What a waste.
I recorded that whole thing for nothing.
Wait a second.
Do you remember what ThunderGun said?
Sometimes, in order to save something, you have to destroy something.
And I think I know what we have to do to save Thunder Gun.
Well, how are we gonna do that?
With a little help. From some pirates.
- (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
ALL: No man left behind!
- (DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS)
(HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
- (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, it looks like this new Thunder Gun movie's pretty good.
Well, you guys want to see it?
We're gonna have to do a mad dash across town, though.
It starts in minutes.
- To the sewers!
- Let's go!
No, no, I meant like, let's see it on that pirate website.
- You think it's up already?
Yeah. We don't have to go across town.
- It's probably on the, uh...
We can stay here and watch it.
- CHARLIE: That way it's free.
- CHARLIE: Oh!
You want to watch it on the phone?
- CHARLIE: Oh, good.
Five tickets for the price of zero.
Put on the Auto Motion Plus.
(TRIO CHANTING BACKWARDS)
- ALL: Three!
- ALL: Two!
- ALL: One!
"Week long rental. Bed to be shared with owners."
What kind of people do you think you're gonna attract?
Bohemians with no sexual boundaries.
- You guys know what this means, right?
ANNOUNCER: Sunny is back.
All new, Wednesdays at : on FXX.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
- WOMAN: Oh, my God!
Look at these hardwood floors!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
You can't make people like you, but if people don't respect you, you can make 'em fear you.
(HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)
All new Tuesdays at : on FX.
- Hey! Slow down!
ANNOUNCER: AHS .
All new, Wednesdays at : on FX.
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