04x11 - Emily
Posted: 07/16/14 10:12
You don't know what happened last week?
Well, I don't have time to tell you.
I'm busy.
Oh!
What's your dad gonna do when he gets out of jail and I tell him you spend all day with orange boy rubbing your dicks together?
$500 tomorrow, or I call him.
The day my babies are born, you steal cash from the register?
Yeah, your register, my cash.
Empty your f*cking pockets.
He's a f*cking dead man.
Well, hello.
Roger Running Tree and I broke up.
But the children, Frank.
Roger and I-- we were gonna get married and adopt them before he showed his true colors.
All I need is a marriage certificate.
Frank, will you marry me?
It is my honor to declare you man and wife.
You may kiss the groom.
[Applause]
He's in serious condition, so they moved him up the waiting list.
What does that mean?
He's getting a liver.
Need you to meet my mom and dad for parents' weekend.
Pretend we're together.
Just clean up for a dinner?
No, no cleanup.
I need to scare the living sh*t out of them.
Those your brothers and sisters?
Four of them, three more in the van.
My family lives in there.
In the supermarket?
No, in the van.
Oh.
Hey, Matthew.
What does she have that I don't?
Hello?
You don't know who you messed with, skank.
[Screams]
I don't give a sh*t if you're ten years old and playing with dolls.
You want a w*r, you got it.
Fiona never came home.
She violated probation.
Hi, Lip. I'm sorry.
I f*cked up.
You're juggling so many things, and I am just f*cking up.
I need some help now.
So you want to go first?
♪ think of all the luck you got ♪
♪ know that it's not for naught ♪
♪ you were beaming once before ♪
♪ but it's not like that anymore ♪
♪ what is this downside ♪
♪ that you speak of? ♪
♪ what is this feeling ♪
♪ you're so sure of? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ round up the friends you got ♪
♪ know that they're not for naught ♪
♪ you were willing once before ♪
♪ but it's not like that anymore ♪
♪ what is this downside ♪
♪ that you speak of? ♪
♪ what is this feeling ♪
♪ you're so sure of? ♪
Where are we going?
Looks like Decatur Correctional.
How far away is that?
Three hours or so.
What?
Hope you peed.
[Sighs]
What'd they nab you for?
Huh?
Why you on this bus?
It ain't a sightseeing tour.
I, uh...
I broke probation.
I stabbed my boyfriend's wife in the stomach a little bit.
Bitch claimed she was pregnant.
Knew she was full of sh*t and was saying it to hold on to him.
Had to prove her wrong, right?
Turns out she wasn't lying.
Oops.
Hey, pops.
How you feeling?
You are looking better today.
Say hi to your grandpa, Chuckie.
Can he hear us?
Of course he can.
That's the only way he's gonna wake up.
When we tell him how we feel, it seeps into his subconscious, it tickles his brain, and it'll make him open his eyes soon, okay?
Come on.
Okay.
Hi, grandpa.
Mama says we can go to Ruby Tuesday's when you wake up.
Hi.
Good morning.
I'm Emily.
I need a new heart.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
What's wrong with yours?
Hey, don't be rude.
Oh, my God.
Don't you "Oh, my God" me, mister.
This is my son, Chuckie.
I'm Sammi.
I'm Wendy, her mom.
She, uh... she has cardiomyopathy.
My heart muscle doesn't pump enough blood into the rest of my body.
Is that why you look like a vampire?
Hey, Charles Nevins Slott, you stop that right now.
Apologize.
I'm sorry.
We are so sorry.
Oh, God.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Is Mr. Gallagher your father?
Sure is.
I don't have a father.
Emily.
He left when I got sick.
Mama says that men can't handle tragedy, so they leave.
Not everybody needs to hear our dirty laundry, Emily.
No, don't worry about us.
We have the dirtiest laundry in Chicago.
[Laughs]
Is Mr. Gallagher waiting for a heart too?
He was waiting for a liver, and then he had a transplant the other day, and now he is getting all better.
That's fantastic news.
See, Emily? We're in the right place.
Mickey your boyfriend?
We hang out.
He's in your bed.
Yeah, his family is a nightmare.
Think I got a girlfriend.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, her family's a nightmare too.
Whose isn't?
You love Mickey?
I like how he smells.
What you asking stupid f*cking questions for?
You were nicer when you were asleep.
Frank survived his liver transplant, in case you were wondering.
Nope. Wasn't.
I got to go over to the church for the christening today.
Thought you didn't care.
I don't.
Why are you going, then?
It's my son, man.
All right, I'll get dressed.
No, no, look, it's fine.
I'll head over by myself.
I'll be back in a couple hours.
What, you don't want me to go?
Probably best if you don't, tough guy.
Yeah, for you, maybe.
Why you busting my balls, man?
Just wondering if we're a couple or not.
Of course we are.
A couple that hides?
Hey, it's working out so far, so good.
Getting kind of sick of it.
Jesus Christ, man.
How about you let me go deal with that stupid sh*t before I deal with your stupid sh*t?
[The Peach Kings' Fisherman]
♪ ♪
Hey.
How was work, dear?
I got, uh, matching w*r wounds.
Ouch.
♪ ♪
What are you doing?
Looking up your quarter grades.
They haven't posted yet.
All right, good. I don't want to know.
I'm too stressed to deal right now.
The way I see it, you need a B average to keep your scholarship.
And I don't want to talk about it either.
I bet you'll get a B in Macro and Philosophy and an A in Thermo and English.
What do I have to do to get you to shut up?
Well, maybe if I had something else to occupy my mouth.
That's a much better idea.
All right.
♪ ♪
Wait. Don't.
Why?
Levels the playing field.
I'm on my knees. You're wearing a hairnet.
You're a freak.
Takes one to know one.
[Sighs]
Oh, hey, look, um, I'm not gonna be able to have dinner with your parents tonight, okay?
No, you could keep doing what you were doing while we're talki--
Ow, f*ck!
Why won't you be able to go, hmm?
You said you would go. You're-- you're going.
No, look, I-I got to--
I got to go home.
I got to figure sh*t out, see how we're gonna pay the bills for the next 90 days while Fiona's in prison.
We made a deal.
Yeah, that was before my sister went on a bender.
You promised to help terrorize my parents in exchange for me giving you stuff.
Okay, then how about we get lunch tomorrow?
No, they're leaving for Miami in the morning.
A-a deal's a deal.
You're obviously not hearing me.
And you're obviously not a man of your word.
♪ ♪
I would totally hook up with Mr. George.
He's foxy.
But he's married.
And old.
This is just our fantasy teacher list.
It doesn't mean it's gonna happen.
Hmm, oh.
Ugh, that smell is gonna make me gag.
Do we really have to do this stupid biology lab?
[Gasping]
There's Henry McNally.
He's so bang-tastic.
I want to suck him like a slushee.
He makes my loins roar with hunger.
[Laughs]
Hey, Debbie, how's it going?
Me?
Her?
Yeah, I can help you with your lab if you want.
You know my name?
[Laughs] Yeah.
[Chuckles]
The monkey said to his sister, "I don't want to buy bananas from that man."
Knock, knock.
Visitors.
Good morning.
Hey, Sheila.
Hi.
Hi.
[Gasps] Look who's here.
Oh, my God.
I got some special treats.
Oh.
Ooh!
Very nice.
A little care package.
How's the patient?
Well, he still hasn't woken up yet.
[Gasps]
Hmm.
Frank.
Frankie.
Frankie, Frankie, Frankie, Frank-a, Frank, Frank, Frankie.
Huh.
Frank?
Wow.
Frank.
Frank, where are you?
Frank, it's me, Sheila.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
You have got to wake up.
You see, you have some husbandly duties to attend to.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You can't be up there.
You're gonna knock out his IV tubes out.
Come on.
No, I'm not.
The nurses and doctors are doing everything they can, and you just need to let him rest.
You know what? He's been resting.
Okay, so can you get down?
I'm trying to get him up, for God sakes.
Listen, these are his soon-to-be children, and I'm his wife.
So just take a breather, missy.
Uh-huh.
Isn't that right, guys?
Mm-hmm.
Right-o.
We could do a Native American Indian tribal dance to wake him, Mama Sheila.
[Gasps]
What's that?
We learned about it in our cultural history class at school.
I wish I could go to school.
[Gasps]
Mind your manners, Emily.
I-I'm so sorry. She didn't mean to eavesdrop.
It's just-- it's hard not to in this place.
Of course.
Hi, I'm-- I'm Wendy.
This is my daughter, Emily.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm-- I'm Sheila.
I'm-- I'm Frank's wife.
And-- and these are his children.
Uh...
I'm not related to them.
Well, anyway, why don't you show us your tribal dance?
That sounds wonderful, doesn't it?
Mm-hmm.
Or we could just let him rest, like he's supposed to.
I think the dance is a wonderful idea.
So do I.
We're gonna go get frozen yogurt.
Okay. All right.
You know where to go?
Yo.
Dad in there yet?
Uncle Ronnie went to get him.
Should be here any minute.
That thing looks like sh*t.
Been used a lot.
Is that Terry?
No.
It's my piece-of-sh*t husband.
This hasn't even started yet?
You're late.
All right, well, I'm here now.
Let's get this show on the road, all right?
No, we must wait until your father gets here.
He doesn't give a sh*t about the ceremony, trust me.
He'll be here for the after-party.
No, he gives sh*t. He tells me.
You talked to him?
Almost every day. We've become very close.
God, that is so sick.
Are you gonna start banging him again too?
Uh, I'm sorry, but we have to start.
I have a funeral in 45 minutes.
Good, yes, fine. Let's go.
No, we must wait.
Whole family needs to be here to witness baptism.
Or what, it didn't really happen?
Oh, see? It's good we wait.
What is he doing here?
How the hell should I know?
We're-- Let's get this on the road, all right?
Aren't you supposed to dunk the kid in the bowl of water or something?
He's right.
I must start.
Fine.
[Baby fussing]
Father, you made a sign in the waters for baptism to end sin and begin goodness.
Through this baptism, Yevgeny is cleansed from sin to a new birth to innocence by water and the Holy Spirit.
[Baby crying]
[Shushing]
That's so cool your sister's at Decatur.
Yeah, I guess.
Don't you think we have enough stuff already?
No. I have seven siblings.
I need something for all of them.
Tip it a little more.
Fire in the hole.
I'm gonna go visit my father in the hospital now.
You want to come?
Can't.
Got to head back to the van. One of the kids has bronchitis.
I need to go check on him.
You should come live with me.
I can't leave the other kids.
They can come live with us too.
Okay.
Carl.
Yeah, I know.
So pin his skin to the felt.
Mm-hmm.
Good job.
Ew, I can't look.
This is fun.
Isn't it?
Speaking of fun... my parents aren't gonna be home this weekend.
You should come over, and we can watch p*rn.
I downloaded Sperms Of Endearment.
[Laughs]
I'm not really into p*rn.
Me either.
Yeah, it's gross, right?
Ugh.
You know, they're like, "Oh, yeah."
"Oh, give it to me."
"Oh, yeah."
"Just like that."
[Both laugh]
[Chuckles]
Hey, um, look at this.
Here's his lungs.
Cool.
And here's his spleen.
Hmm.
And... this is his heart.
For me?
[Chuckles]
Give me a f*cking break.
[Slow rock music]
♪ ♪
Off the bus, single line.
No talking, no pushing.
Keep the line moving.
If there are four aces in a deck of cards, then the probability of your pulling an ace is 4 over 52... or 1/13.
Can I help you?
Nope.
Stay right there.
You want to t*rture your parents?
Bring them to my house for dinner tonight.
Here's the address.
Pass that?
We're having, uh, leftover lasagna I stole from the cafeteria.
May I continue?
Don't ever say I'm not a man of my word again.
If we don't return our ace to the deck, then the probability of choosing a second ace...
Jump on your right foot. Pause.
Now on your left foot. Pause.
High knees.
High knees. Interesting.
I'm not sure all this woo-woo spiritual stuff is gonna help dad.
Not with that attitude, it won't.
I'm having a great time.
Oh, yay!
What the hell are you guys doing?
We're waking Frank's spirit.
Why don't you just do this?
What happened?
[Gasping]
He's awake!
You did it, Carl.
I'm not sure that was the best method.
Dad, are you okay?
Where am I, Debbie?
Debbie?
It-- I'm Sammi.
You're at the hospital.
What? Why?
I better get the doctor.
Where's mama going, Lip?
Dude, what's wrong with you? I'm Carl.
Maybe I should hit him in the nuts again--
Ah! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He's awake!
Just like I told you.
This is good news.
A lot sooner than expected.
He thinks we're different people.
You screwed his brain on backwards.
Frank, do you know where you are?
You're in the Intensive Care Unit at St. Michael Hospital.
You underwent surgery a few days ago for your liver.
Mama, what's he talking about?
See? What'd I tell you?
Why does he think we're different people?
Uh, let's go out in the hall and talk.
Okay, we'll be right back. Hold on.
Mr. Gallagher is suffering from postoperative delirium.
Okay, what's that?
It often happens when a patient undergoes intense surgery where a heavy dose of sedation was used.
Oh. Is it-- is it permanent?
Uh, no.
It's very common in post-op patients.
He'll be confused about time and relationships.
All you can do is be patient while he's in this altered state, but he'll be back to his old self soon.
Oh, sh**t.
I just moved. Is that bad?
It's the worst. Now I'm drawing a man.
[Laughs]
What the hell does Debbie have that I don't have?
Her hymen.
But look at her.
He's an 11th grader.
She's a redhead.
I love redheads.
Good thing I didn't dye my hair last night.
[Both chuckle]
Is it bad that I want to kiss you right now?
Uh, right here?
I think we'll get in trouble.
Where, then?
I don't know.
How about after basketball practice, behind the stairs in the gym basement?
Okay.
Cool.
Ready to see?
Yeah.
Ta-da.
[Chuckles awkwardly]
No, I'm just joking.
Whoa.
It's really good.
Thanks.
I'm glad you like it.
I do.
I like it a lot.
Ah, let me get that for you.
Is that enough cabbage for you?
I can make my own plate. It's fine.
No, no problem at all.
How about some corned beef?
Why you being such a suck-up, huh?
You and me got a thing we got to settle.
Look, I'm just trying to put everything in the past, okay?
I'm a conscientious objector now.
What the f*ck does that mean?
I don't really know.
Something to do with Muhammad Ali.
Peace and love?
Okay, thank you.
Great.
Thank you.
Tell your boyfriend to leave.
What the f*ck are you talking about?
Howdy doody.
Tell him to leave, or I will.
All right, fine.
Look, Svetlana wants you to go.
You want me to go?
No, I don't want you to go.
But the whole thing's gonna go a lot easier if you do.
[Scoffs] For you, maybe. What about me?
This really where you want to spend your day off?
You're here.
Give me a couple hours.
I'll meet you back at your place.
If you make me leave, don't come over.
Why the f*ck you acting like a girl, huh?
I'm sick of living a lie. Aren't you?
I'm not lying to you.
Everyone else?
Who gives a sh*t about everybody else?
What f*cking difference does it make if I lie to them?
'Cause-- because you're not free.
Ian, what you and I have makes me free... not what these assholes know.
Look who the State of Illinois just released back into society.
Daddy's home!
[People cheering]
Huh? Huh? Come on.
Why don't I have a beer in my hand?
Right there, huh?
Hello, honey.
Look at scared little boy running to daddy.
Eat me.
Where's this grandson of mine I keep hearing about?
Hey. Here he is, pops.
Let me look at the little sh*t.
Oh, my, my, my.
Oh!
[Laughing]
He's a cute little fucker.
[Laughter]
Yeah.
That's grandpa.
Yeah.
All right, let's party!
[People cheering]
[Festive rock music]
♪ ♪
[Liam speaking indistinctly]
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Oh, okay, huh? Come on.
All right.
Let's take a picture for your sister, huh?
Yeah?
Let's try.
Let's try, huh?
Let's see.
All right, here we go. Ready?
Smile.
[Camera shutter clicks]
That's not bad, huh?
That's pretty good.
All right.
Uh, yo.
Hopefully you get this.
Uh, how's the pokey, huh?
[Sniffs]
You get a girlfriend yet?
Don't drop the soap.
Uh, we're good.
Only 89 more days, okay?
Hang in there. I love you.
Anything you want to say? Go.
Fiona. Fififi.
Good.
All right.
Perfect.
Okay, now you go play for a little bit, okay?
Okay.
I'll make dinner.
Can you take your jacket and hat off for me too?
All right. Good boy. Be right back.
_
[Both sighing]
What?
Nothing.
I like you.
[Chuckles]
Me too.
I don't--
I don't think we should.
Why not?
I mean, we just met.
You're right.
Maybe we should, uh--
I don't know-- wait till the dance.
You're asking me to the dance?
[Chuckles] I don't know. I mean, if you'll go with me.
[Chuckles]
Yeah!
Surprise!
All: Surprise!
Seema?
I see you've met my stepbrother, Henry.
Stepbrother?
Why would you do this to me?
Seema gave me 50 bucks.
[All laughing]
I call dibs on the remote!
f*ck.
I want to watch Steve Harvey!
I call-- I was here first.
[Toilet flushes]
That doesn't matter.
Yes, it does.
No, it doesn't. That has nothing--
Nope.
[Kids yelling]
I was here first.
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Well, who the hell are you?
We're friends of Carl.
Okay, where is he?
There?
Go get your own.
Give me it!
Is there something on the bottom to break my fall?
Probably not.
Cool.
Yo, get her out of there. What are you doing?
Is that your dad?
No.
Who the f*ck are those kids downstairs?
They live in a van.
Why is that my problem?
It's the winter.
[Sighs]
Just get rid of them, okay?
[Knock at door]
No, on second thought, they can stay.
Cool.
Just till after dinner.
Then they're gone.
All right.
Give it!
No!
This is my remote! Get your own!
No!
Give it!
Uh, play. Uh, be loud.
Just do whatever the f*ck you want, okay?
All: Yay!
All right!
[Kids laughing and yelling]
Don't hit me with the ball!
You with the ball!
Don't ever hit me with the ball!
Welcome.
Hello, I'm Wesley Gretsky from DCFS.
Oh.
sh*t, sorry.
Uh, the-- the social worker, right?
Yeah, we've, uh... we've been expecting you.
I'd like to come in, please, do an inspection.
Right, okay. Yeah.
Um, hey, listen, is there any chance in rescheduling, you think?
Wouldn't be a surprise visit if we rescheduled, now, would it?
No. No, I guess not.
[Kids yelling]
Yeah.
Go get your own. Watch upstairs.
Give it!
Form two lines, please.
All right, when I call your name, step up and get your bunk assignment.
Melnick, Audrey.
Bed 32.
Gallagher, Fiona.
Bed 44.
Thank you.
Don't thank me yet.
You ain't tried the bed yet.
[Women jeering]
Got some brown on your nose, bitch.
Longfeld, Jennifer.
Bed 35.
[Bluesy music]
♪ ♪
Roberts, Tanesha. Bed 36.
♪ ♪
You can f*cking eat my ass, c**t.
I tell you one more time--
Get the f*ck out of my face.
Dirty ass d*ck.
Move! Now!
What the f*ck are you looking at?
Nothing.
♪ ♪
Why am I here, mommy?
Oh, honey, I told you.
You had an accident, remember?
But the doctors made you all better.
Well, then we should go.
Daddy's gonna be mad we're not home to make dinner.
No, he'll understand.
Sorry, folks. Visiting hours are over.
Oh, okay.
Night, pops.
Be back first thing in the morning.
Good-bye, Deb.
Good-bye, my sweet, sexy man.
Mom, stop.
We're in public.
Oh, that's right. I forgot I'm mom.
Wait till we get home.
These need to be stored properly, with caps on them.
Ah, stuff's so diluted, I mean, I doubt there's even any cleaning product left.
A locked cabinet would also work.
Need a fire alarm up there, as well as a CO2 detector.
Okay.
Floorboard is coming up on this step.
Couple of exposed nails on the one below.
[Kids yelling]
Hey, uh, guys, yo!
You think you could keep it down?
You told us we could do whatever we want.
Now I'm telling you to keep it down.
Who are these children?
Uh, neighborhood kids. I'm babysitting.
Six children or more is considered a day care...
Okay.
...for which you will need a license...
Okay.
...which I don't imagine you have.
Uh, you-- you've imagined correctly.
Get a license or babysit less kids.
Uh, exposed wires. Yeah, I'm on it.
Now for the $24,000 question.
Yeah.
Where are the guardians of this household?
I have a Francis and Fiona Gallagher, father and sister.
Yeah, they're at work.
They put you in charge?
That's correct.
What is your relationship to this household?
My relationship to the household.
I'm the, uh... the eldest brother.
I'm-- I'm 19.
So, if I were to call Mr. and Miss Gallagher, I'd find them both at work?
Yeah.
Amanda's here with her parents.
This is Lip.
These are my parents, Jason and Sheryl.
They're white.
I can see that.
Hi, nice to meet you.
I guess I never told you I was adopted, huh?
No.
Well, they bought me from a Subic Bay whorehouse, so...
Go, Navy.
Amanda, that's our private business.
Uh, no, don't worry.
You're right in the middle of our private affairs.
That's, uh, Wesley from the DCFS.
She's a social worker here on a surprise visit.
Maybe she's your real mom.
And that's my brother Carl.
These are his friends. They live in a van.
So who's ready for dinner?
Kids: Me!
Eh? Go on!
[Kids cheering]
Come on.
[Monitor beeping]
Fiona?
Fiona, you're awake?
Fiona?
Are you talking to me?
What are you doing?
Sleeping.
What are you doing?
Not sleeping.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Let's be quiet so we don't wake up Monica.
Monica?
I'm sorry we left you and your brother in Washington Park last night.
Oh.
The dealer gave us a sample.
[Laughs]
I forgot you and Lip were waiting outside.
How many hours was that?
You could've frozen to death.
I promise I'm gonna be a better dad.
It's okay.
You mad at me?
No.
Hey... want me to take you to Claire's tomorrow, get your ears pierced?
Okay.
I'm glad you're here with me, Fiona.
Me too, daddy.
So then I pummeled their f*cking face in good.
That'll teach the queers to try to r*pe a Milkovich in the prison, huh?
Huh?
Speaking of queers.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
I thought your father should know he didn't b*at all the q*eer out of you.
Really gonna k*ll you this time.
Keep your f*cking mouth shut.
Can I talk to you for a second?
You know, your life right here, right now is as good as it's ever gonna get.
You got to go get plowed all day, yeah, but you come home to a roof over your head and food in your f*cking belly.
Five years from now, you're gonna be a used-up, dried-up old whore, sucking guys off on the sidewalk for five bucks a pop.
I wouldn't f*ck this up if I were you.
Hey.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving.
Okay, I'll see you back at the place.
No, don't.
We're done.
What the f*ck are you talking about?
I don't have any interest in being a mistress anymore.
Jesus Christ. When did you get so dramatic?
When I realized what a p*ssy you are.
Say it again, I'm gonna kick your f*cking ass.
Come on. Come on, big guy.
You think you're a tough man, huh?
You're not.
You're a coward.
f*ck you. You don't understand.
Oh, I do understand.
I understand better than anyone that you're afraid of your father.
You're afraid of your wife.
You're afraid to be who you are.
Well, good. Leave.
What the hell do I care, bitch?
f*ck.
Hey!
Excuse me!
Can I get everybody's attention, please?
[Music stops]
I just want everybody here to know I'm f*cking gay.
A big old 'mo.
I just thought everybody should know that.
You happy now?
[Music resumes]
[Yelling]
I'll f*cking k*ll you!
You son of a bitch!
Oh!
[Indiscernible yelling]
Been wanting to do this forever.
Oh, sh*t.
[Yelling]
Oh, sh*t.
I better call the cops.
Hey, hand me my phone, would you?
It's cold out here.
I don't care.
I don't either.
[Clears throat]
I heard what happened at school today.
What, your stupid girlfriend tell you?
She's not my girlfriend anymore.
I broke up with her after I saw the pictures she posted to Facebook.
You mean like these ones?
I think you look pretty.
I'm the laughingstock of the seventh and eighth grade, maybe even the ninth too.
Yeah, there are lots of posts that are "Team Debbie."
You mean like this one?
"Nice titties. Where's my microscope?"
It'll blow over.
I thought he liked me.
He asked me to the dance.
Boys are... jackasses.
He gave me a frog heart.
He what?
I suck at love.
Yeah, tell me about it. I dated Seema.
What did you like about her?
She seemed nice.
She wasn't.
Yeah, well, girls are sneaky.
They never really show you their true colors.
I was mean to her too, though.
Yeah, but you're the kid. She's the adult.
She should've known better.
I'm not a kid.
I'll take you to the dance.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
You won't be embarrassed to be seen with me?
No. No.
No, I'll be proud.
[Mellow rock music]
♪ ♪
[Men yelling]
f*cking f*gg*t!
Get out of my house!
You pole-smoking q*eer!
f*ck you! Don't worry about it!
I've been staying at Ian's since you've been in the can, bitch!
Guess what we've been doing, daddy!
We've been f*cking!
And I take it!
He gives it to me good and hard, and I f*cking like it.
[Spits]
Let me go!
Calm down, Terry.
f*ck you!
I suck his d*ck.
I f*cking love it.
Get him out of here!
f*ck you!
I'm gonna cut your balls in little pieces and shove them up your ass so far, you grow ball trees, you f*ck.
[Grunts]
What is your problem, Terry?
You been out for four hours, and you're already into a fight?
You're breaking your probation.
f*ckers! f*ckers!
And as for you... you're free to go.
What?
If I arrest you, it's gonna be a lot of paperwork.
Keep me in the office all night.
I'd rather get home to my husband, Carlos.
[Siren blips]
Me and Bonnie are finished.
We're heading upstairs.
All right. Email your sister, yeah?
Oh, Lip's sister's in prison.
No way.
Our auntie's in prison too.
She is? For what?
m*rder. She's on death row.
Why-- why is your sister in prison?
Uh, well, the first time was for almost k*lling Liam here with cocaine, and, uh-- and then the second time was for breaking probation and going out with the guy who gave her cocaine.
My, you-- you have quite a colorful story.
That's a nice way of putting it.
You don't like your dinner?
Oh, we had a late lunch.
Okay, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna...
Excuse me.
Um, if you're hungry.
It's not very good.
So all those kids live in a van?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, apparently.
[Clears throat]
And you're watching them?
Well, yeah, vans are, uh, cold, you know, crowded.
Most people I see are trying to dump their kids, not collect more.
You know, neighborhood's got to stick together.
There you go.
And it looks like my next surprise visit here will be in two Saturdays at 4:00 PM.
Have a good night.
Okay. Uh, I'll get that.
Hey, your grades are up.
Oh, yeah, I saw.
C in English.
I'm gonna lose my scholarship and have to drop out of school.
Oh, that's too bad.
Unless you got an A in Macro and Philosophy and a B in Thermo.
What? Let me see that.
Holy sh*t.
That's fantastic.
Smile.
[Camera shutter clicks]
Cool.
Telling your sister about me?
"I'm in your bed with my girlfriend, Bonnie.
Stay in prison.
Love, Carl."
[Tender rock music]
♪ ♪
I don't like sex.
Oh.
But we can still kiss and stuff if you want.
Yeah, I like this.
Me too.
♪ ♪
This is not the environment that I want for my daughter.
Jason, what happened?
There is a child who almost ate his own feces out there.
Oh, sh*t, guess he didn't get enough dinner.
I'd like you to stop seeing Amanda.
It's kind of not your choice.
How much?
How much what?
Jason, don't.
Why, because you want her to be with him?
She's an adult.
Yeah, she's an adult who I'm supporting.
How much to stop dating her? Excuse me?
You know, she's not in love with you.
You do know that, right?
We're not really at that stage yet.
She's just trying to drive me crazy by going out with someone like you.
Someone like me?
Yeah.
I mean, you seem like a perfectly nice kid, but Amanda's just rebelling.
Well, don't blame her.
You're kind of a d*ck.
I'm not denying that.
How about $5,000, then?
Looks like that would go pretty far in this place.
Jason.
Is he serious?
He's gonna pay me not to date your daughter?
How about $10,000?
I have the cash with me.
On you, in this neighborhood?
Have we got a deal?
[Groans]
Hey, Fiona.
You hungry?
I'm gonna go get us something to eat.
Oh, God.
Ah, jeez!
So your father just offered me 10 grand to stay away from you.
Amanda, you know we love you.
Did you take the money?
Uh, what do you think?
That you did.
Really?
Well, did you?
Yeah.
So we're breaking up, then?
Well, a deal's a deal, right?
Okay, Amanda, come. We're leaving.
Look, you taught me to be a man of my word.
And I was just starting to really like you.
[Upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
[Knock at door]
Hey.
Ow!
10 grand?
I panicked.
I told you he gave my BMX boyfriend in high school $15,000.
I didn't know he was gonna have the cash on him.
You should've held out.
I'd never seen that much money before.
[Spunky rock music]
♪ ♪
[Sighs]
Gay, huh?
I think I broke half a f*cking tooth.
Yeah, my ribs don't feel so good.
So you really came out, huh?
Doesn't mean I'm gonna wear a f*cking dress or anything.
Nobody f*cking asked you to.
Though you do have really nice legs.
You're a f*cking d*ck.
[Both laughing]
Yeah, there.
That's what you get.
[Laughs]
[Portugal. The Man's Sleep Forever]
♪ ♪
All right, I'm calling it.
Mark the time of death, 9:05.
[Sustained beep]
No!
♪ ♪
Fiona.
♪ ♪
Well, I don't have time to tell you.
I'm busy.
Oh!
What's your dad gonna do when he gets out of jail and I tell him you spend all day with orange boy rubbing your dicks together?
$500 tomorrow, or I call him.
The day my babies are born, you steal cash from the register?
Yeah, your register, my cash.
Empty your f*cking pockets.
He's a f*cking dead man.
Well, hello.
Roger Running Tree and I broke up.
But the children, Frank.
Roger and I-- we were gonna get married and adopt them before he showed his true colors.
All I need is a marriage certificate.
Frank, will you marry me?
It is my honor to declare you man and wife.
You may kiss the groom.
[Applause]
He's in serious condition, so they moved him up the waiting list.
What does that mean?
He's getting a liver.
Need you to meet my mom and dad for parents' weekend.
Pretend we're together.
Just clean up for a dinner?
No, no cleanup.
I need to scare the living sh*t out of them.
Those your brothers and sisters?
Four of them, three more in the van.
My family lives in there.
In the supermarket?
No, in the van.
Oh.
Hey, Matthew.
What does she have that I don't?
Hello?
You don't know who you messed with, skank.
[Screams]
I don't give a sh*t if you're ten years old and playing with dolls.
You want a w*r, you got it.
Fiona never came home.
She violated probation.
Hi, Lip. I'm sorry.
I f*cked up.
You're juggling so many things, and I am just f*cking up.
I need some help now.
So you want to go first?
♪ think of all the luck you got ♪
♪ know that it's not for naught ♪
♪ you were beaming once before ♪
♪ but it's not like that anymore ♪
♪ what is this downside ♪
♪ that you speak of? ♪
♪ what is this feeling ♪
♪ you're so sure of? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ round up the friends you got ♪
♪ know that they're not for naught ♪
♪ you were willing once before ♪
♪ but it's not like that anymore ♪
♪ what is this downside ♪
♪ that you speak of? ♪
♪ what is this feeling ♪
♪ you're so sure of? ♪
Where are we going?
Looks like Decatur Correctional.
How far away is that?
Three hours or so.
What?
Hope you peed.
[Sighs]
What'd they nab you for?
Huh?
Why you on this bus?
It ain't a sightseeing tour.
I, uh...
I broke probation.
I stabbed my boyfriend's wife in the stomach a little bit.
Bitch claimed she was pregnant.
Knew she was full of sh*t and was saying it to hold on to him.
Had to prove her wrong, right?
Turns out she wasn't lying.
Oops.
Hey, pops.
How you feeling?
You are looking better today.
Say hi to your grandpa, Chuckie.
Can he hear us?
Of course he can.
That's the only way he's gonna wake up.
When we tell him how we feel, it seeps into his subconscious, it tickles his brain, and it'll make him open his eyes soon, okay?
Come on.
Okay.
Hi, grandpa.
Mama says we can go to Ruby Tuesday's when you wake up.
Hi.
Good morning.
I'm Emily.
I need a new heart.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
What's wrong with yours?
Hey, don't be rude.
Oh, my God.
Don't you "Oh, my God" me, mister.
This is my son, Chuckie.
I'm Sammi.
I'm Wendy, her mom.
She, uh... she has cardiomyopathy.
My heart muscle doesn't pump enough blood into the rest of my body.
Is that why you look like a vampire?
Hey, Charles Nevins Slott, you stop that right now.
Apologize.
I'm sorry.
We are so sorry.
Oh, God.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Is Mr. Gallagher your father?
Sure is.
I don't have a father.
Emily.
He left when I got sick.
Mama says that men can't handle tragedy, so they leave.
Not everybody needs to hear our dirty laundry, Emily.
No, don't worry about us.
We have the dirtiest laundry in Chicago.
[Laughs]
Is Mr. Gallagher waiting for a heart too?
He was waiting for a liver, and then he had a transplant the other day, and now he is getting all better.
That's fantastic news.
See, Emily? We're in the right place.
Mickey your boyfriend?
We hang out.
He's in your bed.
Yeah, his family is a nightmare.
Think I got a girlfriend.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, her family's a nightmare too.
Whose isn't?
You love Mickey?
I like how he smells.
What you asking stupid f*cking questions for?
You were nicer when you were asleep.
Frank survived his liver transplant, in case you were wondering.
Nope. Wasn't.
I got to go over to the church for the christening today.
Thought you didn't care.
I don't.
Why are you going, then?
It's my son, man.
All right, I'll get dressed.
No, no, look, it's fine.
I'll head over by myself.
I'll be back in a couple hours.
What, you don't want me to go?
Probably best if you don't, tough guy.
Yeah, for you, maybe.
Why you busting my balls, man?
Just wondering if we're a couple or not.
Of course we are.
A couple that hides?
Hey, it's working out so far, so good.
Getting kind of sick of it.
Jesus Christ, man.
How about you let me go deal with that stupid sh*t before I deal with your stupid sh*t?
[The Peach Kings' Fisherman]
♪ ♪
Hey.
How was work, dear?
I got, uh, matching w*r wounds.
Ouch.
♪ ♪
What are you doing?
Looking up your quarter grades.
They haven't posted yet.
All right, good. I don't want to know.
I'm too stressed to deal right now.
The way I see it, you need a B average to keep your scholarship.
And I don't want to talk about it either.
I bet you'll get a B in Macro and Philosophy and an A in Thermo and English.
What do I have to do to get you to shut up?
Well, maybe if I had something else to occupy my mouth.
That's a much better idea.
All right.
♪ ♪
Wait. Don't.
Why?
Levels the playing field.
I'm on my knees. You're wearing a hairnet.
You're a freak.
Takes one to know one.
[Sighs]
Oh, hey, look, um, I'm not gonna be able to have dinner with your parents tonight, okay?
No, you could keep doing what you were doing while we're talki--
Ow, f*ck!
Why won't you be able to go, hmm?
You said you would go. You're-- you're going.
No, look, I-I got to--
I got to go home.
I got to figure sh*t out, see how we're gonna pay the bills for the next 90 days while Fiona's in prison.
We made a deal.
Yeah, that was before my sister went on a bender.
You promised to help terrorize my parents in exchange for me giving you stuff.
Okay, then how about we get lunch tomorrow?
No, they're leaving for Miami in the morning.
A-a deal's a deal.
You're obviously not hearing me.
And you're obviously not a man of your word.
♪ ♪
I would totally hook up with Mr. George.
He's foxy.
But he's married.
And old.
This is just our fantasy teacher list.
It doesn't mean it's gonna happen.
Hmm, oh.
Ugh, that smell is gonna make me gag.
Do we really have to do this stupid biology lab?
[Gasping]
There's Henry McNally.
He's so bang-tastic.
I want to suck him like a slushee.
He makes my loins roar with hunger.
[Laughs]
Hey, Debbie, how's it going?
Me?
Her?
Yeah, I can help you with your lab if you want.
You know my name?
[Laughs] Yeah.
[Chuckles]
The monkey said to his sister, "I don't want to buy bananas from that man."
Knock, knock.
Visitors.
Good morning.
Hey, Sheila.
Hi.
Hi.
[Gasps] Look who's here.
Oh, my God.
I got some special treats.
Oh.
Ooh!
Very nice.
A little care package.
How's the patient?
Well, he still hasn't woken up yet.
[Gasps]
Hmm.
Frank.
Frankie.
Frankie, Frankie, Frankie, Frank-a, Frank, Frank, Frankie.
Huh.
Frank?
Wow.
Frank.
Frank, where are you?
Frank, it's me, Sheila.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
You have got to wake up.
You see, you have some husbandly duties to attend to.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You can't be up there.
You're gonna knock out his IV tubes out.
Come on.
No, I'm not.
The nurses and doctors are doing everything they can, and you just need to let him rest.
You know what? He's been resting.
Okay, so can you get down?
I'm trying to get him up, for God sakes.
Listen, these are his soon-to-be children, and I'm his wife.
So just take a breather, missy.
Uh-huh.
Isn't that right, guys?
Mm-hmm.
Right-o.
We could do a Native American Indian tribal dance to wake him, Mama Sheila.
[Gasps]
What's that?
We learned about it in our cultural history class at school.
I wish I could go to school.
[Gasps]
Mind your manners, Emily.
I-I'm so sorry. She didn't mean to eavesdrop.
It's just-- it's hard not to in this place.
Of course.
Hi, I'm-- I'm Wendy.
This is my daughter, Emily.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm-- I'm Sheila.
I'm-- I'm Frank's wife.
And-- and these are his children.
Uh...
I'm not related to them.
Well, anyway, why don't you show us your tribal dance?
That sounds wonderful, doesn't it?
Mm-hmm.
Or we could just let him rest, like he's supposed to.
I think the dance is a wonderful idea.
So do I.
We're gonna go get frozen yogurt.
Okay. All right.
You know where to go?
Yo.
Dad in there yet?
Uncle Ronnie went to get him.
Should be here any minute.
That thing looks like sh*t.
Been used a lot.
Is that Terry?
No.
It's my piece-of-sh*t husband.
This hasn't even started yet?
You're late.
All right, well, I'm here now.
Let's get this show on the road, all right?
No, we must wait until your father gets here.
He doesn't give a sh*t about the ceremony, trust me.
He'll be here for the after-party.
No, he gives sh*t. He tells me.
You talked to him?
Almost every day. We've become very close.
God, that is so sick.
Are you gonna start banging him again too?
Uh, I'm sorry, but we have to start.
I have a funeral in 45 minutes.
Good, yes, fine. Let's go.
No, we must wait.
Whole family needs to be here to witness baptism.
Or what, it didn't really happen?
Oh, see? It's good we wait.
What is he doing here?
How the hell should I know?
We're-- Let's get this on the road, all right?
Aren't you supposed to dunk the kid in the bowl of water or something?
He's right.
I must start.
Fine.
[Baby fussing]
Father, you made a sign in the waters for baptism to end sin and begin goodness.
Through this baptism, Yevgeny is cleansed from sin to a new birth to innocence by water and the Holy Spirit.
[Baby crying]
[Shushing]
That's so cool your sister's at Decatur.
Yeah, I guess.
Don't you think we have enough stuff already?
No. I have seven siblings.
I need something for all of them.
Tip it a little more.
Fire in the hole.
I'm gonna go visit my father in the hospital now.
You want to come?
Can't.
Got to head back to the van. One of the kids has bronchitis.
I need to go check on him.
You should come live with me.
I can't leave the other kids.
They can come live with us too.
Okay.
Carl.
Yeah, I know.
So pin his skin to the felt.
Mm-hmm.
Good job.
Ew, I can't look.
This is fun.
Isn't it?
Speaking of fun... my parents aren't gonna be home this weekend.
You should come over, and we can watch p*rn.
I downloaded Sperms Of Endearment.
[Laughs]
I'm not really into p*rn.
Me either.
Yeah, it's gross, right?
Ugh.
You know, they're like, "Oh, yeah."
"Oh, give it to me."
"Oh, yeah."
"Just like that."
[Both laugh]
[Chuckles]
Hey, um, look at this.
Here's his lungs.
Cool.
And here's his spleen.
Hmm.
And... this is his heart.
For me?
[Chuckles]
Give me a f*cking break.
[Slow rock music]
♪ ♪
Off the bus, single line.
No talking, no pushing.
Keep the line moving.
If there are four aces in a deck of cards, then the probability of your pulling an ace is 4 over 52... or 1/13.
Can I help you?
Nope.
Stay right there.
You want to t*rture your parents?
Bring them to my house for dinner tonight.
Here's the address.
Pass that?
We're having, uh, leftover lasagna I stole from the cafeteria.
May I continue?
Don't ever say I'm not a man of my word again.
If we don't return our ace to the deck, then the probability of choosing a second ace...
Jump on your right foot. Pause.
Now on your left foot. Pause.
High knees.
High knees. Interesting.
I'm not sure all this woo-woo spiritual stuff is gonna help dad.
Not with that attitude, it won't.
I'm having a great time.
Oh, yay!
What the hell are you guys doing?
We're waking Frank's spirit.
Why don't you just do this?
What happened?
[Gasping]
He's awake!
You did it, Carl.
I'm not sure that was the best method.
Dad, are you okay?
Where am I, Debbie?
Debbie?
It-- I'm Sammi.
You're at the hospital.
What? Why?
I better get the doctor.
Where's mama going, Lip?
Dude, what's wrong with you? I'm Carl.
Maybe I should hit him in the nuts again--
Ah! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He's awake!
Just like I told you.
This is good news.
A lot sooner than expected.
He thinks we're different people.
You screwed his brain on backwards.
Frank, do you know where you are?
You're in the Intensive Care Unit at St. Michael Hospital.
You underwent surgery a few days ago for your liver.
Mama, what's he talking about?
See? What'd I tell you?
Why does he think we're different people?
Uh, let's go out in the hall and talk.
Okay, we'll be right back. Hold on.
Mr. Gallagher is suffering from postoperative delirium.
Okay, what's that?
It often happens when a patient undergoes intense surgery where a heavy dose of sedation was used.
Oh. Is it-- is it permanent?
Uh, no.
It's very common in post-op patients.
He'll be confused about time and relationships.
All you can do is be patient while he's in this altered state, but he'll be back to his old self soon.
Oh, sh**t.
I just moved. Is that bad?
It's the worst. Now I'm drawing a man.
[Laughs]
What the hell does Debbie have that I don't have?
Her hymen.
But look at her.
He's an 11th grader.
She's a redhead.
I love redheads.
Good thing I didn't dye my hair last night.
[Both chuckle]
Is it bad that I want to kiss you right now?
Uh, right here?
I think we'll get in trouble.
Where, then?
I don't know.
How about after basketball practice, behind the stairs in the gym basement?
Okay.
Cool.
Ready to see?
Yeah.
Ta-da.
[Chuckles awkwardly]
No, I'm just joking.
Whoa.
It's really good.
Thanks.
I'm glad you like it.
I do.
I like it a lot.
Ah, let me get that for you.
Is that enough cabbage for you?
I can make my own plate. It's fine.
No, no problem at all.
How about some corned beef?
Why you being such a suck-up, huh?
You and me got a thing we got to settle.
Look, I'm just trying to put everything in the past, okay?
I'm a conscientious objector now.
What the f*ck does that mean?
I don't really know.
Something to do with Muhammad Ali.
Peace and love?
Okay, thank you.
Great.
Thank you.
Tell your boyfriend to leave.
What the f*ck are you talking about?
Howdy doody.
Tell him to leave, or I will.
All right, fine.
Look, Svetlana wants you to go.
You want me to go?
No, I don't want you to go.
But the whole thing's gonna go a lot easier if you do.
[Scoffs] For you, maybe. What about me?
This really where you want to spend your day off?
You're here.
Give me a couple hours.
I'll meet you back at your place.
If you make me leave, don't come over.
Why the f*ck you acting like a girl, huh?
I'm sick of living a lie. Aren't you?
I'm not lying to you.
Everyone else?
Who gives a sh*t about everybody else?
What f*cking difference does it make if I lie to them?
'Cause-- because you're not free.
Ian, what you and I have makes me free... not what these assholes know.
Look who the State of Illinois just released back into society.
Daddy's home!
[People cheering]
Huh? Huh? Come on.
Why don't I have a beer in my hand?
Right there, huh?
Hello, honey.
Look at scared little boy running to daddy.
Eat me.
Where's this grandson of mine I keep hearing about?
Hey. Here he is, pops.
Let me look at the little sh*t.
Oh, my, my, my.
Oh!
[Laughing]
He's a cute little fucker.
[Laughter]
Yeah.
That's grandpa.
Yeah.
All right, let's party!
[People cheering]
[Festive rock music]
♪ ♪
[Liam speaking indistinctly]
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Oh, okay, huh? Come on.
All right.
Let's take a picture for your sister, huh?
Yeah?
Let's try.
Let's try, huh?
Let's see.
All right, here we go. Ready?
Smile.
[Camera shutter clicks]
That's not bad, huh?
That's pretty good.
All right.
Uh, yo.
Hopefully you get this.
Uh, how's the pokey, huh?
[Sniffs]
You get a girlfriend yet?
Don't drop the soap.
Uh, we're good.
Only 89 more days, okay?
Hang in there. I love you.
Anything you want to say? Go.
Fiona. Fififi.
Good.
All right.
Perfect.
Okay, now you go play for a little bit, okay?
Okay.
I'll make dinner.
Can you take your jacket and hat off for me too?
All right. Good boy. Be right back.
_
[Both sighing]
What?
Nothing.
I like you.
[Chuckles]
Me too.
I don't--
I don't think we should.
Why not?
I mean, we just met.
You're right.
Maybe we should, uh--
I don't know-- wait till the dance.
You're asking me to the dance?
[Chuckles] I don't know. I mean, if you'll go with me.
[Chuckles]
Yeah!
Surprise!
All: Surprise!
Seema?
I see you've met my stepbrother, Henry.
Stepbrother?
Why would you do this to me?
Seema gave me 50 bucks.
[All laughing]
I call dibs on the remote!
f*ck.
I want to watch Steve Harvey!
I call-- I was here first.
[Toilet flushes]
That doesn't matter.
Yes, it does.
No, it doesn't. That has nothing--
Nope.
[Kids yelling]
I was here first.
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Well, who the hell are you?
We're friends of Carl.
Okay, where is he?
There?
Go get your own.
Give me it!
Is there something on the bottom to break my fall?
Probably not.
Cool.
Yo, get her out of there. What are you doing?
Is that your dad?
No.
Who the f*ck are those kids downstairs?
They live in a van.
Why is that my problem?
It's the winter.
[Sighs]
Just get rid of them, okay?
[Knock at door]
No, on second thought, they can stay.
Cool.
Just till after dinner.
Then they're gone.
All right.
Give it!
No!
This is my remote! Get your own!
No!
Give it!
Uh, play. Uh, be loud.
Just do whatever the f*ck you want, okay?
All: Yay!
All right!
[Kids laughing and yelling]
Don't hit me with the ball!
You with the ball!
Don't ever hit me with the ball!
Welcome.
Hello, I'm Wesley Gretsky from DCFS.
Oh.
sh*t, sorry.
Uh, the-- the social worker, right?
Yeah, we've, uh... we've been expecting you.
I'd like to come in, please, do an inspection.
Right, okay. Yeah.
Um, hey, listen, is there any chance in rescheduling, you think?
Wouldn't be a surprise visit if we rescheduled, now, would it?
No. No, I guess not.
[Kids yelling]
Yeah.
Go get your own. Watch upstairs.
Give it!
Form two lines, please.
All right, when I call your name, step up and get your bunk assignment.
Melnick, Audrey.
Bed 32.
Gallagher, Fiona.
Bed 44.
Thank you.
Don't thank me yet.
You ain't tried the bed yet.
[Women jeering]
Got some brown on your nose, bitch.
Longfeld, Jennifer.
Bed 35.
[Bluesy music]
♪ ♪
Roberts, Tanesha. Bed 36.
♪ ♪
You can f*cking eat my ass, c**t.
I tell you one more time--
Get the f*ck out of my face.
Dirty ass d*ck.
Move! Now!
What the f*ck are you looking at?
Nothing.
♪ ♪
Why am I here, mommy?
Oh, honey, I told you.
You had an accident, remember?
But the doctors made you all better.
Well, then we should go.
Daddy's gonna be mad we're not home to make dinner.
No, he'll understand.
Sorry, folks. Visiting hours are over.
Oh, okay.
Night, pops.
Be back first thing in the morning.
Good-bye, Deb.
Good-bye, my sweet, sexy man.
Mom, stop.
We're in public.
Oh, that's right. I forgot I'm mom.
Wait till we get home.
These need to be stored properly, with caps on them.
Ah, stuff's so diluted, I mean, I doubt there's even any cleaning product left.
A locked cabinet would also work.
Need a fire alarm up there, as well as a CO2 detector.
Okay.
Floorboard is coming up on this step.
Couple of exposed nails on the one below.
[Kids yelling]
Hey, uh, guys, yo!
You think you could keep it down?
You told us we could do whatever we want.
Now I'm telling you to keep it down.
Who are these children?
Uh, neighborhood kids. I'm babysitting.
Six children or more is considered a day care...
Okay.
...for which you will need a license...
Okay.
...which I don't imagine you have.
Uh, you-- you've imagined correctly.
Get a license or babysit less kids.
Uh, exposed wires. Yeah, I'm on it.
Now for the $24,000 question.
Yeah.
Where are the guardians of this household?
I have a Francis and Fiona Gallagher, father and sister.
Yeah, they're at work.
They put you in charge?
That's correct.
What is your relationship to this household?
My relationship to the household.
I'm the, uh... the eldest brother.
I'm-- I'm 19.
So, if I were to call Mr. and Miss Gallagher, I'd find them both at work?
Yeah.
Amanda's here with her parents.
This is Lip.
These are my parents, Jason and Sheryl.
They're white.
I can see that.
Hi, nice to meet you.
I guess I never told you I was adopted, huh?
No.
Well, they bought me from a Subic Bay whorehouse, so...
Go, Navy.
Amanda, that's our private business.
Uh, no, don't worry.
You're right in the middle of our private affairs.
That's, uh, Wesley from the DCFS.
She's a social worker here on a surprise visit.
Maybe she's your real mom.
And that's my brother Carl.
These are his friends. They live in a van.
So who's ready for dinner?
Kids: Me!
Eh? Go on!
[Kids cheering]
Come on.
[Monitor beeping]
Fiona?
Fiona, you're awake?
Fiona?
Are you talking to me?
What are you doing?
Sleeping.
What are you doing?
Not sleeping.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Let's be quiet so we don't wake up Monica.
Monica?
I'm sorry we left you and your brother in Washington Park last night.
Oh.
The dealer gave us a sample.
[Laughs]
I forgot you and Lip were waiting outside.
How many hours was that?
You could've frozen to death.
I promise I'm gonna be a better dad.
It's okay.
You mad at me?
No.
Hey... want me to take you to Claire's tomorrow, get your ears pierced?
Okay.
I'm glad you're here with me, Fiona.
Me too, daddy.
So then I pummeled their f*cking face in good.
That'll teach the queers to try to r*pe a Milkovich in the prison, huh?
Huh?
Speaking of queers.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
I thought your father should know he didn't b*at all the q*eer out of you.
Really gonna k*ll you this time.
Keep your f*cking mouth shut.
Can I talk to you for a second?
You know, your life right here, right now is as good as it's ever gonna get.
You got to go get plowed all day, yeah, but you come home to a roof over your head and food in your f*cking belly.
Five years from now, you're gonna be a used-up, dried-up old whore, sucking guys off on the sidewalk for five bucks a pop.
I wouldn't f*ck this up if I were you.
Hey.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving.
Okay, I'll see you back at the place.
No, don't.
We're done.
What the f*ck are you talking about?
I don't have any interest in being a mistress anymore.
Jesus Christ. When did you get so dramatic?
When I realized what a p*ssy you are.
Say it again, I'm gonna kick your f*cking ass.
Come on. Come on, big guy.
You think you're a tough man, huh?
You're not.
You're a coward.
f*ck you. You don't understand.
Oh, I do understand.
I understand better than anyone that you're afraid of your father.
You're afraid of your wife.
You're afraid to be who you are.
Well, good. Leave.
What the hell do I care, bitch?
f*ck.
Hey!
Excuse me!
Can I get everybody's attention, please?
[Music stops]
I just want everybody here to know I'm f*cking gay.
A big old 'mo.
I just thought everybody should know that.
You happy now?
[Music resumes]
[Yelling]
I'll f*cking k*ll you!
You son of a bitch!
Oh!
[Indiscernible yelling]
Been wanting to do this forever.
Oh, sh*t.
[Yelling]
Oh, sh*t.
I better call the cops.
Hey, hand me my phone, would you?
It's cold out here.
I don't care.
I don't either.
[Clears throat]
I heard what happened at school today.
What, your stupid girlfriend tell you?
She's not my girlfriend anymore.
I broke up with her after I saw the pictures she posted to Facebook.
You mean like these ones?
I think you look pretty.
I'm the laughingstock of the seventh and eighth grade, maybe even the ninth too.
Yeah, there are lots of posts that are "Team Debbie."
You mean like this one?
"Nice titties. Where's my microscope?"
It'll blow over.
I thought he liked me.
He asked me to the dance.
Boys are... jackasses.
He gave me a frog heart.
He what?
I suck at love.
Yeah, tell me about it. I dated Seema.
What did you like about her?
She seemed nice.
She wasn't.
Yeah, well, girls are sneaky.
They never really show you their true colors.
I was mean to her too, though.
Yeah, but you're the kid. She's the adult.
She should've known better.
I'm not a kid.
I'll take you to the dance.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
You won't be embarrassed to be seen with me?
No. No.
No, I'll be proud.
[Mellow rock music]
♪ ♪
[Men yelling]
f*cking f*gg*t!
Get out of my house!
You pole-smoking q*eer!
f*ck you! Don't worry about it!
I've been staying at Ian's since you've been in the can, bitch!
Guess what we've been doing, daddy!
We've been f*cking!
And I take it!
He gives it to me good and hard, and I f*cking like it.
[Spits]
Let me go!
Calm down, Terry.
f*ck you!
I suck his d*ck.
I f*cking love it.
Get him out of here!
f*ck you!
I'm gonna cut your balls in little pieces and shove them up your ass so far, you grow ball trees, you f*ck.
[Grunts]
What is your problem, Terry?
You been out for four hours, and you're already into a fight?
You're breaking your probation.
f*ckers! f*ckers!
And as for you... you're free to go.
What?
If I arrest you, it's gonna be a lot of paperwork.
Keep me in the office all night.
I'd rather get home to my husband, Carlos.
[Siren blips]
Me and Bonnie are finished.
We're heading upstairs.
All right. Email your sister, yeah?
Oh, Lip's sister's in prison.
No way.
Our auntie's in prison too.
She is? For what?
m*rder. She's on death row.
Why-- why is your sister in prison?
Uh, well, the first time was for almost k*lling Liam here with cocaine, and, uh-- and then the second time was for breaking probation and going out with the guy who gave her cocaine.
My, you-- you have quite a colorful story.
That's a nice way of putting it.
You don't like your dinner?
Oh, we had a late lunch.
Okay, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna...
Excuse me.
Um, if you're hungry.
It's not very good.
So all those kids live in a van?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, apparently.
[Clears throat]
And you're watching them?
Well, yeah, vans are, uh, cold, you know, crowded.
Most people I see are trying to dump their kids, not collect more.
You know, neighborhood's got to stick together.
There you go.
And it looks like my next surprise visit here will be in two Saturdays at 4:00 PM.
Have a good night.
Okay. Uh, I'll get that.
Hey, your grades are up.
Oh, yeah, I saw.
C in English.
I'm gonna lose my scholarship and have to drop out of school.
Oh, that's too bad.
Unless you got an A in Macro and Philosophy and a B in Thermo.
What? Let me see that.
Holy sh*t.
That's fantastic.
Smile.
[Camera shutter clicks]
Cool.
Telling your sister about me?
"I'm in your bed with my girlfriend, Bonnie.
Stay in prison.
Love, Carl."
[Tender rock music]
♪ ♪
I don't like sex.
Oh.
But we can still kiss and stuff if you want.
Yeah, I like this.
Me too.
♪ ♪
This is not the environment that I want for my daughter.
Jason, what happened?
There is a child who almost ate his own feces out there.
Oh, sh*t, guess he didn't get enough dinner.
I'd like you to stop seeing Amanda.
It's kind of not your choice.
How much?
How much what?
Jason, don't.
Why, because you want her to be with him?
She's an adult.
Yeah, she's an adult who I'm supporting.
How much to stop dating her? Excuse me?
You know, she's not in love with you.
You do know that, right?
We're not really at that stage yet.
She's just trying to drive me crazy by going out with someone like you.
Someone like me?
Yeah.
I mean, you seem like a perfectly nice kid, but Amanda's just rebelling.
Well, don't blame her.
You're kind of a d*ck.
I'm not denying that.
How about $5,000, then?
Looks like that would go pretty far in this place.
Jason.
Is he serious?
He's gonna pay me not to date your daughter?
How about $10,000?
I have the cash with me.
On you, in this neighborhood?
Have we got a deal?
[Groans]
Hey, Fiona.
You hungry?
I'm gonna go get us something to eat.
Oh, God.
Ah, jeez!
So your father just offered me 10 grand to stay away from you.
Amanda, you know we love you.
Did you take the money?
Uh, what do you think?
That you did.
Really?
Well, did you?
Yeah.
So we're breaking up, then?
Well, a deal's a deal, right?
Okay, Amanda, come. We're leaving.
Look, you taught me to be a man of my word.
And I was just starting to really like you.
[Upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
[Knock at door]
Hey.
Ow!
10 grand?
I panicked.
I told you he gave my BMX boyfriend in high school $15,000.
I didn't know he was gonna have the cash on him.
You should've held out.
I'd never seen that much money before.
[Spunky rock music]
♪ ♪
[Sighs]
Gay, huh?
I think I broke half a f*cking tooth.
Yeah, my ribs don't feel so good.
So you really came out, huh?
Doesn't mean I'm gonna wear a f*cking dress or anything.
Nobody f*cking asked you to.
Though you do have really nice legs.
You're a f*cking d*ck.
[Both laughing]
Yeah, there.
That's what you get.
[Laughs]
[Portugal. The Man's Sleep Forever]
♪ ♪
All right, I'm calling it.
Mark the time of death, 9:05.
[Sustained beep]
No!
♪ ♪
Fiona.
♪ ♪