07x08 - You Sold Me the Laundromat, Remember?

[bunniefuu]

See what happens when you miss a show?

Jesus, what were you doing last week that was so much more important than making sure I can feed my baby?

Who is going first?

Flip for it.

Heads or tails?

Heads. Of course.

Right.

Oh, f*ck me.

Okay.

Check it out! Sister wives.

We gonna ride around in this?

Whoo!

The provost granted your appeal request.

I didn't make an appeal request.

You're too stubborn to admit your mistakes, so I did it for you.

You're gonna go sleep at Daddy's.

He's gonna take you to school in the morning.

Charlie left Lucas with his next door neighbor an hour ago.

I knew he was lying, but I wanted to play nicey-nice so that he'd give me the child support he owes me.

Svetlana and her dad.

That's crazy.

Yvon is husband, not father.

I got rid of him.

What's going on?

DCFS is coming to make sure Debbie can keep Franny.

Frank: Do you feel good about yourselves going to this all-white private school while leaving my little brown boy Liam out in the cold?

What would you say if I offered Liam a place here at Hopkins Academy?

I'd say I'm about 20K short of the 20K this place costs.

We'd be picking up the cost of his education.

Oh.

Etta, this is the check that I gave you to buy the laundromat. I'm an owner.

(ROCK MUSIC)

♪ Think of all the luck you got ♪
♪ Know that it's not for naught ♪
♪ You were beaming once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
♪ Round up the friends you got ♪
♪ Know that they're not for naught ♪
♪ You were willing once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪

(JAZZ MUSIC)

♪ Oh, I'm so tired ♪
♪ And lonely ♪
♪ 'Cause nobody ♪
♪ Nobody cares for me ♪

(SENSUAL MOANING)

Sierra: Right there.

Neil? Neil?

Huh.

I have to go see Derek's sister, the one who called Child Protective Services on me.

But you said you wanted to sh*t down her throat.

Well, I do, but my love for my daughter is greater than my hate for Tanya.

I have to show her how well I'm really doing, get her on my side.

And I really need to get a job.

Okay.

(MOANING FROM OUTSIDE)

God, could they be any louder? They're gonna wake up Franny.

They're almost done.

How do you know?

Sierra's voice is getting higher.

(MOANING FROM OUTSIDE)

(LOUD GROANS FROM OUTSIDE)

They're done.

Unless they start again.

(BOTH GROANING)

Oh, f*ck.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Jesus.

Mind... blown.

(SIGHS)

Hey.

Yeah?

(SIGHS)

You gonna go?

Why, you want me to go?

No.

Good.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

No sleeping in here!

Th-this ain't a homeless shelter!

(GROANING)

Etta, stop, stop.

Out!

Hey!

Out!

Hey, it's me, it's Fiona.

Out! Out!

Stop. Stop.

You sold me the laundromat, remember?

I bought it from you. I paid you 80 grand.

Remember?

(SNIFFS)

Well, you made an awful mess.

(SIGHS) Yeah, I know, but there's... there's mold under the floor tiles and the ceiling tiles are rotting, so it's a necessary mess.

Well, I-I can't sleep.

I used to be able to sleep all night.

(CAT MEOWS)

Oh. Then I hit menopause.

(SNIFFS)

Want me to walk you across the street to Patsy's?

Get a piece of pie?

Have they got cherry?

(LAUGHS) Usually, yeah.

Okay. (SNIFFS)

Come on.

That's you.

Okay.

My sister from another mister.

Don't take this wrong, but you look like hell.

What's the right way to take that?

When's the last time you slept?

Do you want me to try to round you up some Adderall?

There's some speed queens at table eight.

Uh, no. Just gonna take this whole pot across the street.

Oh, get Etta a cup of coffee and some cherry pie, and don't charge her.

Done and done.

I love this.

Love what?

Oh, playing house.

You told me about your big, chaotic family, but this is more like a romantic breakfast for two.

I know, it's kind of weird around here lately, especially with Carl being gone.

Kind of miss the chaos. And the weaponry.

Ian: Hey, bud.

Hey.

Lookin' sharp, man. Look at that.

(KNOCKING AT THE DOOR)

Yeah?

Hey, hey, smells good in here.

(GRUNTS)

Aw, come on.

Oh, Jesus, come on!

No!

It's cold out there!

Get out.

I got Liam into private school. That doesn't buy me breakfast?

Do you mind if I take this one?

(GRUNTS) Be my guest.

Okay.

Would you...

You were stealing from homeless people, Frank.

You were pretending to be their father and their guardian and then you turned them into sl*ve labor for your own personal indulgence.

Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)

You're lucky you're still alive, because no one would have...

No.

Blamed them for b*ating you to death and burying the body.

So no, you don't get breakfast.

Okay, I missed...

Okay, let go of the door before I hurt you, Frank.

I... stop.

(GRUNTS)

I was their fake father.

I'm your real father and I'm not gonna let go of the door until you let go of the door.

Get the pepper spray.

Really?

Ah, come... would you... (GRUNTS) Come on.

You've been warned, Frank.

I'm gonna count to three. One...

Hey, Liam, would you get me a blanket?

Ian: Mm. Two...

Frank: Get me a blanket.

Yeah.

And some of that bacon.

Get me... ah, f*ck! What happened to three?

(SIGHS)

Frank: You said, "I'm gonna count to three"!

Ah, sh*t! Oh.

Gallagher house.

As advertised.

(SCOFFS)

Hey.

Is everything okay, Debs?

(CLICKS TONGUE) Fine, just didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Worried about the DCFS?

Yeah, that and there were a lot of loud noises coming from Sierra's bedroom till about three in the morning.

I didn't hear it.

Were you guys playing a game or something?

No, they were having ver...

Debs, you know, it takes a more than a fight with a homeless lady for the state to take your kid away.

Sierra, I moved the spices into the drawer by the stove and the tools back where you had the spices.

Why?

'Cause it made no sense the way you had it.

(SIGHS)

God, she's like a dog pissing on her territory.

Dogs are more subtle.

I already started looking for a new place to live.

Yeah. Coming to work?

I'm gonna take Lucas to school first.

All right. Bye.

Bye.

Charlie: Sierra? Sierra?

Oh, sh*t.

I'm sorry. Let me see Lucas. I can explain what happened.

(SCOFFS) No.

Sierra, I swear to God, we went to go get pizza...

I-I don't care.

And the assh*le behind the counter is this dude I used to run with...

I don't care. Charlie...

The guy owes me, like, three large, so...

Charlie, I don't f*cking care.

I just want to see Lucas.

Hey, man, she's been pretty clear, all right?

The answer's no.

Stay out of this, Lip.

Sierra...

(DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING)

Pepper spray is an excellent reminder for never fighting with a cocksucking redhead.

Wow, he really takes shitty parenting to new heights, huh?

(GROANS)

Come on, Liam.

We gotta get you to your fancy school.

I'll take him.

No, you won't.

Fiona says I can take him.

Fiona's not in charge anymore.

Since when?

Since she bought that laundromat.

She bought a laundromat?

I'm in charge and I say no. Come on, Liam.

I'm the only reason he got in in the first place.

I'm a classroom volunt... Oka... take him if you want to, fine, but I'm coming with you.

Straight to school, and if I find out you've been begging with him, it's gonna be a lot worse than f*ckin' pepper spray.

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

♪ My expectations were a bit too high ♪

(GROANS)

You're still closed, huh?

You know we're losing business.

Hey, brought you some day old in case you're hungry.

Thank you. How'd your shift go?

Poppin' all night. Pocketed $120.

Less fun without you there though.

Hey, any chance you want to stay and help me out for a few hours with this floor?

I gotta get this place up and running.

(SIGHS) I'm pretty wiped.

What are you paying?

(CHUCKLES) Never mind, just go get some rest.

Cool.

Where you want this?

(LAUGHS) You got the wrong place.

Etta Teasdale? Wendell's Wash 'n Dry?

My new TV! (LAUGHS)

Etta, you don't even have a wall upstairs big enough for that thing.

Then it can stay down here.

Ain't it a beaut?

Just need you to sign.

Okay.

You sure that's how you want to spend your money?

Well, who am I leaving it to?

Got no kids.

What I do have is a bank account full of cash and a new 65-inch TV! (LAUGHS)

I'm gonna make some popcorn.

Jim: Where you want it?

Just, uh... just take it in the back, I guess.

♪ Lay it on me ♪

(GRUNTING)

♪ Lay it on me ♪
♪ Just don't let ♪
♪ Me-e-e ♪

Van's gone! Tittie van, stolen.

What?

I parked it out on the street last night, now it's not there.

Who in the world would want to steal that van?

People who like boobs, people who like ice cream, people who like driving.

It was insured.

No, it wasn't.

It was, and I already report stolen.

I don't understand what that wink's about.

V can tell me later.

(SIGHS)

I made us good insurance money.

(DOOR CLOSES)

You should've talked to him first.

He doesn't want to talk to me.

He'll come around.

You just need to give him some time.

I made us good money. He is mad now, but come Christmas when we spoil babies, he will thank me.

(ROCK MUSIC)

Is it true what Ian said?

Fiona bought a business, gave up the supermom gig?

Mm-hmm.

Without Fiona this family's adrift.

You need a rudder.

Just have to prove my worth.

Hey, what needs doing around the house?

The upstairs toilet ever get fixed?

No.

You ever figure out that smell in your room?

No.

(SIGHS)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hi, Tanya. I'm here to thank you.

What?

I was going down the wrong path, and your call to DCFS really woke me up.

And I thought you'd like to meet your niece, Franny.

Oh, my God.

Mamacita!

Aw, she looks just like Derek.

Will you come in? Let her meet her abuela?

Her what?

Her... her grandmother.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, okay. Sure, thank you.

Jesus.

F...

f*ck, man!

Sorry.

(PHONE RINGING)

sh*t.

(PHONE RINGING)

Yo.

"Yo"?

That your way of committing to a life in the ghetto in one syllable or less?

(LAUGHS) What's up, Professor?

What's up is I need an answer.

Am I cancelling my office hours so I can testify on your behalf or not?

What are you talking about?

Your appeal hearing.

Uh, I thought told you to cancel that.

Youens: And I didn't listen.

Why not?

'Cause you're stubborn as hell but generally not stupid, so I thought you might come around.

And because the 20 Gs you owe me for rehab aren't likely to get paid back on a dishwasher's salary.

Fine, f*ck you. I'll go.

Youens: Is "f*ck you" the new thank you?

Yup.

Then f*ck you too.

I'll see you at noon at the Provost's office.

And maybe bring a witness to vouch for your character.

With that mouth, you're gonna need it.

Your professor?

We at the eavesdropping stage of our casual relationship?

Apparently we are.

You going to that college hearing thing?

Yeah.

Good.

Why good?

'Cause I think brains are sexy in a man.

Oh.

Hmm.

(SMACKS LIPS) Hey, are we at that "kissing in public" stage of our casual relationship?

We smell so bad. (LAUGHS)

(BELL DINGS)

Man: Order's up.

Get back to work.

She stole it.

She stole it!

My tittie van, Svetlana stole it!

She didn't steal it, she had it stolen and she banked the insurance money.

Aha!

For us!

Oh, for us! For us! Who's "us"?

Does "us" include her other husband, who she said was her father?

Or is he dead and buried under the L?

Or do you not care about any of this?

I do care, but...

I'm married to her. She adopted our children.

It's a little more complicated than that.

Well, your marriage wasn't legal so maybe the adoption wasn't either.

Look, it was fun while it lasted, but it stopped being fun right around the time she started f*cking her fake father with the scary tattoos in our bed.

I just don't think we should make any big decisions from an emotional place.

I am not emotional.

(SIGHS) You're just, like, totally cool with the whole Yvon thing? You don't feel betrayed?

No, I'm not over it. I feel betrayed and angry too, Kev, but I'm considering other factors.

Like what?

Like... how much better our lives are with Lana.

We have more money. We have time alone away from the kids. Our sex life is off the chain.

Oh, our sex life was always off the chain.

(DOOR OPENING)

Who's that?

Lana rented the apartment upstairs to her aunt from Russia.

Is it really her aunt? Or are we gonna find her f*cking her in our bed a week from now?

I'm pretty sure that's not gon' happen.

She's trying to make it up to us.

The van, the aunt.

Whether they're actually related, that old woman is paying good money in rent.

Oh, so she's trying to buy our love?

She's trying to buy your love. I'm still in love with her.

I can't help it.

Are you siding with her over me?

No. Baby, no.

I'm siding with us.

I just want it to go back to how good it was.

Please, babe, just go home and talk to her.

Tell her how you feel, she'll tell you how she feels.

Lip: Jesus, what happened?

Place needed a little work.

Are you trying to do it all by yourself?

Outta money, so yeah.

I'm biting my tongue pretty hard here.

I appreciate that. What do you need?

Uh, there's this thing I have to go to.

What thing?

Is it all right if I, uh, switch my dishwashing shift with Julio's night shift?

No problem.

Great.

(SIGHS)

See, uh, see how I did that?

You know, how I asked your permission before trading shifts?

(SIGHS) Yeah.

You might wanna borrow a page from that book next time you're thinking about making any large purchases.

Ask your permission?

No, ask my f*cking opinion.

(DOOR OPENING)

Hey, you order a hot tub?

No, I did not order a hot tub.

It says "Etta"...

Yeah, she's got dementia, okay?

Sorry.

Can you just... can you please just take it back?

You her daughter?

No, but I'm looking after her, or trying to anyway.

Look, I-I could say you refused delivery, but if you want a refund, you're gonna need to cancel the order on her credit card.

Okay, thank you... very much.

Sign here.

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

Might want to take her credit cards away.

Home.

♪ I ain't got nobody ♪

(HUMMING)

♪ 'Cause nobody cares for... ♪
♪ Nobody cares... nobody cares... Nobody cares... nobody cares ♪
♪ Won't some pretty mama ♪
♪ Take a chance on me? ♪
♪ Take a chance, take a chance on me? ♪
♪ Gonna be my only... ♪

(GROANS) f*ck!

(SIGHS) God.

(GROANS LOUDLY)

(RHYTHMIC MUSIC)

What the f*ck?

(LAUGHS)

♪ Every night I sit and play my love songs ♪

Both: Abuela.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

She's so beautiful.

Yes, you are, Mama. You are so beautiful, Francis.

(BOTH COOING)

So how's Derek?

He's doing well.

(CLICKING TONGUE)

All right, Mama.

He said he wants to meet Franny.

He does? Is he coming home?

No, not anytime soon.

(WHISPERING IN SPANISH)

But he has been asking after her.

Tanya whispering: Yes.

(CELIA CHUCKLES)

Maybe we could take a picture... to send him?

Uh, sure.

Great idea.

(COOING)

Here we go.

Mmm.

(CHUCKLES)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Oh.

Both: Ahh!

Okay, I think I got it.

Okay.

(LAUGHS) That's good.

Aw!

You should send me those.

(BOTH COOING)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Yo.

What's up? Everything all right?

Uh, yeah. No, everything's cool, I just, um...

You... you busy?

I-I got this thing I gotta go to.

What thing?

A disciplinary hearing.

What'd you do now? (GROANS)

Well, it's nothing new. It's...

It's kind of like an appeal thing.

Remember my old professor, he...

He called my college, you know, and asked them to reconsider my getting expelled.

What does that mean? Like...

Like, they might take you back?

Yeah, I mean, you know, maybe.

But Youens says I need a character witness, so.

Character witness?

What would I have to say?

f*ck if I know. Tell 'em that I've changed, you know, tell 'em that I'm a upstanding member of society.

You want me to lie for you?

Kidding. When?

It's at noon.

All right, well, text me the address.

I'll make some calls, see if I can get someone to cover my shift.

(SIGHS)

♪ I... ♪
♪ Ain't got no... bo-o-dy ♪
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
♪ 'Cause nobody cares for me ♪

(LAUNDRY MACHINE CLATTERING)

The cobbler's children always go barefoot.

(BOTH SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

What the hell is all this?

This is new revenue stream... Fake passports.

Very reliable and less work than tittie van.

I like driving the tittie van.

You will like it less in winter. Your windows don't close.

All right, so let me get this straight.

You... you... you steal my van, which I love, which I've owned way before I met you, and you sell it and you spend my money on all of this?

It's better profit.

It wasn't yours to sell!

Stop plotting against me in Russian.

(ALL CHATTERING IN RUSSIAN)

Big Papa, you must trust me.

I show you, come on.

You been shopping?

Damn straight. (CHUCKLES)

Triple ply toilet paper. I didn't even wait for a sale.

You know, I'm sure it's fun having some disposable income, but you gotta stop... buying stuff you don't even have room for.

You're not the boss of me.

(SIGHS) I know.

You gotta go online and you gotta cancel that hot tub that I sent back today, otherwise they're gonna charge you for it.

I didn't even wait online.

I ordered it all through QVC.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go see how the other half lives.

(FUNK MUSIC)

♪ GG Allin was a first class punk ♪
♪ He was fond of chaos ♪
♪ He was good at junk ♪
♪ He was last in method ♪

(WHISTLES)

♪ It was plain to see ♪
♪ The old school message of anarchy ♪
♪ Ah! ♪

(LAUGHS) Daddy Frank, you are a serious badass and an essential member of this family.

Well, sh*t.

♪ I need to ask myself right now ♪
♪ If I had any future in the party house ♪

Gemma said "egg" this morning.

She said "omelet" to me last week.

She also said "horsey" and "twat," but I think she was trying to say, "trot."

What?

You love V. I love V.

We don't need love, me and you.

We need like and desire.

I still like you, even though you are douche bag when angry, and I still desire you.

Oh.

Do you still desire me?

You got great tits.

Spasibo.

You stop being douche bag, you could put your face between them like before.

Stop stealing my sh*t and I'll stop being a douche bag.

I get insurance, I report stolen.

I collect insurance, I hide van.

Svetlana: Huh?

You wait two weeks, you can paint, you make ice cream again.

Okay.

And Neil's a really great guy.

He has a big apartment which is totally baby-proof.

Would you guys like to come over and see it?

Uh, no, I don't think that'll be necessary.

That way if DCFS calls, you can say you saw where Franny's living and that she's in really good hands.

Look, it's good that you're trying, Debbie, but I saw you punch a homeless lady.

That was an accident.

You accidentally punched a homeless lady?

No, I accidentally lost my temper.

Does that happen a lot?

No, never. No.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Please, you're her "abayla."

Abuela.

Exactly.

Come on. Please?

Just come see where we live.

Come see how happy we are.

Provost Keegan: Professor Youens, I have your letter requesting this appeal hearing.

Do you have anything to add?

Only that, uh... while I'm the supposed victim of Mr. Gallagher's violent outburst, I'm also his most passionate advocate.

He earned his scholarship with the odds stacked against him, and he fought hard to keep it through the sort of culture shock you and I can't even really imagine.

He's got the kind of mind we don't see every day or even every decade, The kind of kid we always talk about wanting to educate but seldom do.

And it would be a terrible shame to let all that talent and intelligence go to waste over one incident.

In fairness, it wasn't one incident.

Mr. Gallagher sat before this panel once before.

Yes, but in that instance, he was the victim, not the perpetrator.

He was used and discarded by a professor more than twice his age who is now in treatment for a sex addiction.

It was Dr. Runyon's behavior that, in my estimation, led to Mr. Gallagher's later transgressions.

With all due respect, Professor, one doesn't excuse the other.

I'm sorry, who are you?

Lindsey Chen, student representative.

And in this world of open carry and daily lockdowns, I have to go on record saying that I don't feel safe with you on this campus.

I'd also like to state for the record that since his expulsion, Mr. Gallagher completed 30 days of in-patient rehab and has his issues with alcohol well in hand.

Thank you, Professor Youens.

Mr. Gallagher, can I assume that this is a character witness?

Yeah, it's my... My brother Ian.

Provost Keegan: Would you like to make a statement?

Lip once walked about eight miles trying to find a G.I. Joe I left on a train.

I was six. It was my favorite toy.

My parents, they gave me sh*t about losing it, they said that they weren't gonna be able to find it, that it was lost, but Lip... somehow got ahold of a map of the L, he got on the phone, he started making calls, and he found out where the train would be and when.

Like, where it would be parked for the night.

My parents wouldn't give him cash to take the train, so he took off on foot.

He walked eighty city blocks down to Midway, talked the conductor guy into searching the trains... found my toy, walked eighty blocks back.

He did all that by himself, he figured that all out at seven years old.

I didn't even know what a map was.

Lip is not supposed to be stuck in the ghetto.

Kev: What the hell are you doing?

(SIGHS) Pulling up tile.

With a spatula?

(SIGHS) Don't ask.

(GROANS)

How are you, Kev?

Went over to Patsy's Pie, they sent me here.

Since when do you work at the laundromat?

I don't work here.

I own the place.

No sh*t? That is so cool.

I thought so too.

Does V know you're here?

No, and she'll be pissed.

Look, you know us best, and...

I need your advice, so how 'bout this?

I'll help you out in here, if you'll help me out in here.

You're on.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

I run the homeless shelter.

Maybe you saw me on the news.

Anyway, the washing machine is a hindrance to the safety of my community.

It was nice of some good Samaritan to donate it, but it's not safe in a house with young kids and very little sober supervision.

You know, the kids see that round and round, they think it's a ride.

There's a real danger of suffocation.

So, uh, in through that door there, all the way in the back by the kitchen.

Unplug the washing machine and deliver it to this address.

A neighbor's agreed to take it off our hands.

Mr. Gallagher, if you would like to say anything on your own behalf, now is the time.

My father, uh, he has kind of a brilliant mind.

You know, and that's...

That's a pretty hard thing for me to admit, because he's such a waste of space and all, but... you know, it's true.

He could have been a college graduate, but instead, he dropped out, uh, he f*cked up his kids, and he drinks, and does dr*gs.

That's his whole life.

I want to be around people like Professor Youens.

And Professor Runyon, even though she...

It's minds like theirs... um... you know, these minds that... That are brilliant, you know, and they aren't wasted.

I, uh, I don't have any big ideas about what I want to do with my life, but this morning I was washing dishes at the diner where I work, and Professor Youens called me, and I thought...

"I miss that."

You know, I don't miss the kids who grew up so privileged they didn't even know what they had.

But I miss being around people with minds like Professor Youens', you know, and I think if I could get a couple more years of that, I'd have a real good sh*t at, uh... making some better choices than my father made.

I don't blame anybody else for what I did, and I do regret it.

But if you guys would have me back, I-I promise, you know, I'll...

I'll do better.

Thank you.

And we don't even know if he's alive or dead.

Or Russian.

Or even related to her. We don't know anything.

We can't trust anything.

And the craziest part of it all is that V doesn't even seem to care.

It's like she's p*ssy-whipped.

(GROANS)

I feel like V... might be in love with her more than me.

If you could talk now, that would be awesome.

Uh, it's hard to know what to say.

Why, 'cause it's all so messed up?

No, because I know that you're...

You're practically married to Svetlana, so I don't want to say anything now that I can't take back later if you're just gonna go home and make up.

Because that makes me the assh*le, like, forever.

I need you to tell me the truth. That's what I'm here for.

Okay.

I never trusted Svetlana, not for a single minute, not since the day that I met her, because I was raised by a con artist, so I know one when I see one.

And when V married her to keep her in the country, I understood because she was providing childcare and help with the bar, and I thought it's about convenience.

But then it got really weird.

And then the next thing I know, my best friend is married to and in love with a Russian hand whore con artist who's turned her against me, so it's too late for me to say anything about it, which is maybe the biggest mistake of my life, because I miss her every f*cking day.

(DOOR OPENING)

Delivery for Etta Teasdale.

What is it?

Floor tiles and ceiling tiles.

Oh. Yes, I am Etta Teasdale.

(SIGHS) Long story.

Jesus, wh-what do you think they're doing in there?

Discussing the merits of the case.

Or they went to lunch to make you sweat.

Also a possibility.

I'm supposed to pick up Liam from school today.

I have a class.

Want me to see if Debs can do it?

No. No, no, no, I'm...

I'm fine, you know. Good either way, for real.

Well, I should go.

Thanks for showing up.

Thank you for...

Thank you.

(RHYTHMIC MUSIC)

Good job.

Later.

New school won't let Liam leave without a grown-up, but I can go late.

No. No, you know, we gotta be better than Monica and Frank, right?

Go. Go.

All right.

Hey, let me know what happens.

Yeah.

Hey, thank you.

All right.

As you can see, all the outlets have been covered, the strings to the blinds have been tied up and out of reach, and the shelves have been secured to the walls.

Oh, and this is Neil.

Neil, this is Celia and Tanya, Franny's aunt and grandmother on her father's side.

Her father was a deadbeat who ran out on Franny before she was born.

Uh, Neil doesn't have an editing mechanism, so he just tells the truth.

What do you mean, he doesn't have...

He has a brain injury.

But he's really great with the baby.

I think kids really respond well to that level of honesty, you know?

She's so beautiful, Debbie.

Thank you for letting me meet her.

Debbie: Of course.

You guys can come back and visit anytime.

Hi, baby.

(LAUGHS)

And if DCFS calls, I could really use your support.

Yeah.

(ROCK MUSIC)

Nice work, fellas.

♪ All right, okay ♪
♪ I see it in your eyes ♪
♪ You want to be my babe ♪
♪ And all your friends are gonna be like ♪
♪ Hey, girl, that's fresh ♪
♪ I see him on your arm and he must be the best ♪
♪ The best m*therf*cker in the beehive ♪
♪ Uh ♪
♪ Get up ♪

Hey!

Son of a bitch.

What the hell, Frank?

Fixed the toilet, cleaned the house, got you a new washing machine.

I think the proper verbiage is "Thanks, Dad."

Uh, f*ck you, Frank. Get out!

Maybe you want to bring your boy toy over for some afternoon delight?

I'm happy to distract young Liam there from the double boy-grunts.

Get out!

Calm down. I have a few repairs to do on the house.

(GROANS)

Now that Fiona has dropped the ball...

Okay.

Someone's got to pick it up, and that someone is me.

Wait. (STUTTERING)

My... my clothes are in the wash.

You have to the count of three, dressed or not, Frank. One!

Let's take a vote.

Everyone in favor of having an actual parent in the house?

All right.

Two.

Frank: You never say three!

♪ Okay, I see it in your eyes ♪
♪ You want to be my babe ♪
♪ And all your friends are gonna be like ♪
♪ Hey, girl, that's fresh ♪
♪ I see him on your arm and he must be the best ♪

New Fiona: Frank!

♪ The best m*therf*cker in the beehive ♪

What the hell did you do with our washing machine?

You mean my washing machine that you stole from me when you kicked me out of the house that I secured for all us?

The house...

(ALL YELLING)

You didn't get an inspection?

I didn't know that I needed one.

I don't know, I-it seemed like it would be easy, you know?

A half a dozen washing machines, nice cash flow.

I-I thought that I was seizing an opportunity, and that if I waited, I'd miss out.

Now I feel like a f*cking idiot.

You Etta?

(GROANS) Jesus, what'd she order now?

Whole lot of cat food.

What is this, an animal shelter or something?

No, just... just stack it in the back.

Whoa, what happened in here?

Doing repairs. What's up?

Have you seen my credit card?

QVC's running a sale on wine racks.

I've always wanted a wine rack.

No, Etta, I have not seen it.

I need a job, and I wasted the whole day trying to make nice with Derek's family, and now I have to go grocery shopping and cook dinner for Neil.

You know, I swear that that card was in this wallet.

You don't suppose someone stole it, do you?

Well, uh, maybe you left it at one of the places you were shopping?

If you want I can help you call and cancel it.

If I tell DCFS that I work here and they check it, can you confirm it with them?

I can actually do better. I can offer you actual work.

I can pay you ten bucks an hour if you help me install this new floor tile.

Now?

Yup.

Did you not just hear me say I have to grocery shop and cook dinner?

God, you literally never listen to me.

That g*dd*mn chink down at the market must've stole my card.

Oh, nice language.

She's got dementia. Cut her a break.

Oh, and that's an excuse for racism?

Live through Pearl Harbor then talk to me about racism.

(GROANS)

Fiona, I am in good clothes.

Do you expect me to just ruin them?

Woman: The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. I'm Chinese.

You stole my credit card.

Oh, are you seriously accusing me of...

She has f*cking dementia!

She's not accusing you of anything!

Fine. Sign.

(SIGHS) Gladly.

Can't you just lie for me this once, Fiona?

The laundromat is closed!

I have had a shitty day!

Do you see it open? It's closed!

What would you like me to tell them that you are doing here, huh?

Well, why is everybody yelling?

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Are you really laughing at me?

I think she's just tired, Debs.

Yeah, well, so am I.

(LAUGHS)

You know what?

f*ckin' forget it, Fiona. Have a great day.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

Kev: Holy Jesus.

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

Are you okay?

I can't tell if you're laughing or crying.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I-I don't know what we're laughing about.

(LAUGHING)

(SOBBING)

(SOBBING)

(WOLF WHISTLE)

(LAUGHS)

Whoa!

(LAUGHS)

New look, Frank?

My usual.

Hey, your taint is showing, Frank.

(LAUGHTER)

$3.50.

I paid my tab.

And there won't be a new one.

This is not a charity. $3.50 plus tip if you want me to keep taking your order.

(SCOFFS)

(MUTTERING)

Wow, what's happening?

No big fight? No dramatic monologue?

Where's the Frank we know and hate?

Shut up.

Hey, listen up, everyone.

I'm offering free drinks for a full week if you come help me out right now for a few hours.

Man: Free drinks for a week.

Kevin, what's going on?

I'm helping Fiona. The offer's good, folks, but you gotta come with me right now.

You're helping Fiona?

We'll talk about it later.

You can't just offer free drinks for a week without running it by me first!

You didn't run it by me when you married Svetlana.

Svetlana didn't run it by me before she fake-stole my tittie van.

Where are the kids?

They're upstairs with my aunt.

You don't even know if she's related to that lady.

Go get 'em.

Kevin...

I mean it!

Okay. I'll go get the kids.

All right, let's go.

Uh, is Professor Youens...

Oh, he had a class.

Oh. All right.

Mr. Gallagher, we have carefully weighed your testimony and the testimony of the witnesses that you brought.

We admire the efforts that you have made to get your drinking under control.

And we agree with Professor Youens that you have a bright future if you set your mind to it.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

But... under sections 3, 4, 5 of the non-academic bylaws, we stand by your expulsion and we will not expunge the incident from your official transcript.

Lot of students drink, many even to excess, but you can't att*ck people or property or interfere with the educational environment of you fellow students, all of which you did.

(FIONA GRUNTING)

Hey.

Thought I scared you off.

Kev: No. I mean, yeah, you're scary, but... I brought help.

(MAN LAUGHS)

You came to help?

Looks like you could use it. (LAUGHS)

Christ, what a sh*t show.

Tommy: All right, listen up. I need three guys on the ceiling, three people on the floor, everybody else is clean-up, okay?

Fiona, you got any masks?

No.

Any other tools?

Ugh.

I got tools in my truck, it's parked around the corner, I'll go grab 'em. Everybody, shovel all this broken tile out, get it the hell outta here.

I'll be back.

Did you really buy this place?

Yeah.

Smart. Good investment.

(GROANING)

Hey.

Hey.

Kev texted me.

Why didn't you say you were in trouble?

I don't know.

Thanks for coming.

We think it's pretty badass you actually bought this place.

You do?

Yeah.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Why, you're nothing but a great, big coward.

You're right, I am a coward.

Hey. I got pasta for dinner and a pre-cooked chicken that smelled good.

And a Jell-O salad 'cause we're celebrating.

I thought it went really well with Derek's family, didn't you?

Yeah, they were super nice.

Cowardly lion: I haven't slept in weeks.

Where's Franny?

The grandma came back and took her for a walk.

What?

You let Celia take Franny?

Yeah, you said they could visit anytime.

I said sometime, not tonight.

She's not my family, Neil. Jesus!

Sorry, Debbie, just don't slam the door.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(SCOFFS) Are you seriously smoking in here?

Your sister will fire you for that sh*t.

Uh...

Lip, you taste like the floor of a bar.

Hearing didn't go well?

I never should've gone.

Sierra, order's up.

(BELL DINGS)

Hi, guys, uh, I'm gonna be out with yours in just a moment, okay?

Hey. Hey. I brought money.

(SIGHS)

Now can I see him?

(SCOFFS) He's not here.

I need to see him.

I need to explain to him what happened or he's gonna hate me forever, Sierra.

Sierra: He's not gonna hate you forever, Charlie.

Sierra, please, f*ck, come on. Give me another chance.

Charlie: Let me see Lucas.

Sierra: No!

Charlie: Sierra, you can't keep me from my kid.

Give me another chance. Don't keep me from my son.

One second, sir, I'll be right there.

Come on.

She just told you to go away, assh*le!

(CUSTOMERS MURMURING)

Lip!

Hey, hey, look, man, this is none of your business, all right?

What? She told you to leave her alone!

Lip! Lip!

Lip, stop! Jesus... Jesus Christ, Lip, stop!

Get off of me, man!

What are you doing?

f*cking stop!

Ah!

Stop!

(GRUNTING)

Sierra: Lip, please! Stop!

Stop it!

No! Hey!

Easy. Hey. Calm down.

No!

Hey!

(HORNS HONKING)

God damn it.

Come on.

Sierra: What the f*ck?

(HORN HONKS)

Fiona: All right, okay. It's over.

Let's go! Let's go!

Fiona: It's over.

I didn't hit him.

What the f*ck just happened?

I don't even know.

(SOBBING)

I'm sorry.

Ian: Look at me. Lip. Hey.

You got this?

Yeah.

(ROCK MUSIC)

You're drunk.

Are you gonna give me sh*t now?

If they didn't take you back, you don't f*cking need 'em, all right?

You don't know what the f*ck you're talking about.

♪ Feel so weak but you call me strong ♪
♪ I could only see everything that was wrong ♪
♪ Say I don't understand where I am right now ♪
♪ I'm full of empty cans ♪

Celia! Tanya!

It's Debbie.

It's almost Franny's bedtime, so...

Hi.

We're gonna keep her awhile, Debbie.

What? What do you... what?

You may be able to trick DCFS, but you can't trick us.

You cannot just take my baby.

You were begging on the street and fighting with a homeless woman.

Now you don't have a job, and you're marrying a man with brain damage.

Neil is ten times the man that Derek ever was.

Because Derek wasn't a man.

He was just a kid, and you tried to trap him.

We're keeping Franny.

Hey!

Celia! Tanya!

Open the g*dd*mn door!

Give me back my baby!

Give me back my daughter!

Hey! Franny! Franny!

Franny, baby, I love you. Your Mommy's here.

Baby, I'm right here.

(SOBBING)

I will k*ll you if you don't give me back my daughter.

I'll f*cking k*ll you!

You hear me? I'll burn your house down.

You hear me? She needs me!

Hey.

I'm really sorry.

Hey, can I come in?

Sierra: No.

Oh, come on...

No.

That guy, he was f*cking with you all day long, you know?

That guy is the father of my son, and I've been working so g*dd*mn hard to have a relationship with him because I want Lucas to have a father.

I told you from the beginning I didn't want any drama.

I'm sorry.

I... I had a... a really sh*t day.

I already have one out-of-control addict in my life.

I don't need two.

Okay.

I don't know how to say thank you.

How 'bout you let me crash on your couch?

Sure.

Well, uh, hey, um, would you happen to have a spare bed for your old pops?

Both: No.

Etta: Looks like a party in here, Wendell.

Show those kids how it's done.

(MOUTHING WORDS)

Dead husband.

Does she still have an apartment upstairs?

No.

Liar.

(JAZZ MUSIC)

(GASPS)

This is my song.

(LAUGHING)

Remind me, darling, do we have a double bed upstairs?

Uh-huh.

Ah.

Fiona: Frank.

It's cold out there, Fiona.

You can stay on the floor in the back if you leave Etta out of it.

Deal.

(LAUGHING)

That's right. Here we go.

Whoo.

Again, yes.

(ETTA GIGGLES)

♪ Yes ♪
♪ I ♪
♪ Ain't got nobody ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ And there's nobody ♪
♪ Cares for me ♪
♪ Mmm ♪
♪ I'm so... ♪

Frank: Etta, your Wendell is home.

♪ Just be mine ♪
♪ Yes ♪
♪ I ♪