02x03 - Alternative Lifestyles

EPISODE 203
"ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES"

Cast
Dawson: James Van Der Beek
Grams: Mary Beth Peil
Joey: Kaite Holmes
Bessie: Nina Repeta
Pacey: Joshua Jackson
Mitch: John Wesely Shipp
Jen: Michelle Williams
Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes
Andie: Meredith Monroe
Jack: Kerr Smith
Abbey: Monica Keena

Original Air Date: October 21, 1998

In this episode: When Jen and Dawson get paired up in an Econ class as a pretend couple who must come up with a "family budget," Abby convinces Jen to seize this opportunity to seduce Dawson, while Pacey's pairing with Andie brings them closer and reveals the truth about Andie's family. Meanwhile, Mitch rides Dawson about the new sexual nature of his relationship with Joey, and announces to Gayle that he has decided that an open marriage would be the best thing. And, Joey begins to see a whole new world of possibility and empowerment when she does research for her Econ project with an unmarried businesswoman.

*Cut to Dawson and his dad outside and his dad takes down the ladder.*

Mitch: Now don't give me that look. I know there's been a lot of late night creeping around and I'm just taking some standard precautions.

*Dawson and his dad start walking back towards the front door*

Dawson: You are so in denial.

Mitch: Excuse me?

Dawson: Denial. You can't except the fact that the little boy that you brought into the world is grown up. I mean, he's a sexual being.

Mitch: Are you having s*x with Joey?

*Dawson reaches for the door*

Dawson: No, I did not say that, but I am a sexual being responsible, mind you, but biologically a sexual being.

*They go inside*

Mitch: A sexual being?

Dawson: Yep, and you are having trouble facing that reality. Dad, it's a typical parental problem. Do you know what?

Mitch: No, what?

Dawson: The sooner you accept that, the sooner you and I will have an honest relationship.

Mitch: Mm-hm. Dawson. Are you...and Joey...having s*x?

Dawson: No!

Mitch: No?

Dawson: No!

Mitch: Thank you.

*Dawson starts heading towards the stairs and up them*

Dawson: But one day, down the road, I'm going to have s*x. And you're acting all paranoid...chucking ladders and locking windows is not going to stop me. Please, will you stop acting like a typical *makes the little quote unquote hand gesture* parent and just let things take their natural course. Let Joey and me hang out in my room, alone at night, unsupervised.

*There's a break. Mitch thinks.*

Mitch: No.

*Mitch walks into Dawson's bedroom and looks around*

Dawson: Why not?

Mitch: Because, Dawson, the fact is I am a parent, alright? I am you parent and it's my duty to be paranoid about my 15 year old son upstairs in my own house having s*x!

Dawson: You are so un-enlightened. Didn't you grow up in the 60s?

*Mitch laughs.*

Mitch: You can psychologically deconstruct me all you want, but here's the deal. *points to him* Parent me. *points to Dawson* Child you, alright? *He walks towards the doorway* Parent, me. Child...you. *He leaves and shuts the door*

*Dawson smiles and looks towards the closet as the doors open and Joey climbs out and smiles. She walks towards him.*

Dawson: He is such a tyrant.

*Joey puts her arms around his neck.*

Joey: You handled him well.

Dawson: You think so?

*They start kissing and Dawson's dad opens the door again catching them. Dawson and Joey smile.*

Dawson: *acting surprised* Joey? What are you doing here?

*They laugh.*

Mitch: Uh, Joey, will you come with me please? *turning to Dawson* What did I just say, Dawson, what did I just say!

Dawson: You, Jane, Me Tarzan?

Mitch: No. Parent, me, grounded, you.

Joey: Bye Dawson.

*Mitch and Joey start to walk away. Dawson follows them out to the hall*

Dawson: Bye Joey. I'll see you in a few minutes.

*Joey turns around and looks at him*

Mitch: No you won't.

*Joey's house, a tea kettle is whistling on the stove. Joey walks in.*

Joey: Bessie, your water's boiling.

Bessie: What?

Joey: Nevermind.

*Bessie walks in with the baby*

Bessie: Joey, I'm so glad you're still here. Yesterday I got a call from the health department. They're planning on doing an inspection on the Icehouse sometime this week. Can you go over there?

Joey: Now?

Bessie: Yeah, just make sure everything is put away and spic-and-span. You know, the last thing I need is the health department slapping us with some big, huge fine or, God forbid, shutting us down.

*Joey is grabbing her backpack*

Joey: You seem to be forgetting something and it's called first period.

Bessie: Oh, come on, Joey, it will only take a minute and I've got to take Alexander to the sitter's.

Joey: He's missing a shoe.

Bessie: Alexander! You kicked off your shoe! *hands the baby to Joey* Here Joey, can you hold him? Look, Joey, please just do me this one favor. Go by the Icehouse *putting a shoe on Alexander* on your way to school. Please, will you?

Joey: Fine, here! *with an irritated attitude* I gotta go then!

Bessie: Hang on. *takes the baby* Here, here, here. Oh, and Joey, while you're there can you just wipe down the counters real quick so it looks clean?

Joey: Fine.

Bessie: Oh, and the freezer! Can you mop behind the freezer? I can't even remember the last time we did that.

*Joey just stands there.*

Bessie: Thanks, Joey, you're the greatest!

*Cut to Dawson's house. Mitch is reading the paper when Dawson comes into the room.*

Mitch: If it isn't the sexual being himself.

Dawson: You know what I was thinkin'?

Mitch: No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me.

Dawson: Don't even try to tell me that when you were my age you weren't sneaking around making out with girls in the backs of cars and movie theaters.

Mitch: You're right, I was.

*Dawson raises his hands like he's proven his point.*

Mitch: But that was the whole fun of being 15, Dawson. It was the fear of getting caught that made it more dangerous and exciting.

Dawson: So by restricting my access to Joey what you're really trying to do is liven up my s*x life? *He walks towards the kitchen where Mrs. Leery is.* Did you hear that, Mom?

Gail: What s*x life?

Mitch: No, now you're twisting my words again, Dawson. Go to school.

*Dawson laughs*

Dawson: Did you ever notice that whenever your parental authority is in question that you just start barking out orders?

Mitch: Go. Now.

*Dawson kisses Mrs. Leery on the cheek.*

Dawson: Bye Mom.

Gail: Bye honey.

*Dawson leaves.*

Mitch: You know, I think our son is training to be a lawyer. He has become the master of manipulation.

Gail: I wonder where he learned that.

Mitch: Meaning?

Gail: Meaning that you both can come to incredible rationalizations especially when it comes to acting out your sexual impulses.

Mitch: Oh, listen, Gail, this whole idea of an open marriage...it's exactly that. It's an idea. I'm not going to force you into anything if you're against it. You against it?

Gail: Well I'm not for it, but if that's what it takes...

Mitch: No, enough said.

Gail: No, if what you need is to get even with me and sow your oats then..

Mitch: Gail! Let's just drop it. Drop the whole thing. I don't want to fight about it.

Gail: You don't?

Mitch: No.

Gail: I love you, Mitch. *She kisses him.* I'll see you after work.

Mitch: Have a good one.

*Cut to Capeside High*

*Abby and Jen are walking down the sidewalk*

Abby: I have a very important question for you and I need an answer immediately.

Jen: What is it?

Abby: Who would you rather have s*x with...Trey Carter or Jeff Birdwin?

Jen: Uhh neither.

Abby: Are you crazy? Look at them.

Jen: What? They're a couple of gym junkies. They have no cultural interests, no inner lives of their own...all they do is play football and swap pornos. They're a couple of (missed word)

Abby: Yeah, but it's like they're so completely disgusting that it's almost erotic. You know what I mean? God, I can't believe I'm friends with someone who only has eyes for Dawson Leery.

Jen: Guilty as charged.

Abby: Please! You're making me ill. Jen, look at me. I have three words for you: make it happen.

Jen: Abby..

Abby: No! Don't "Abby" me. Make it happen.

*Cut to Andie coming in the school doors and walking towards Pacey*

Andie: Pacey, wait, I need your help.

Pacey: Oh, God...here we go. Okay, Andie, I'm having a really mellow morning. I haven't had any car accidents, I haven't been diagnosed with any terminal defects, and I'd really just kind of like to keep a low pro so goodbye.

Andie: Yeah, look, I'm sure there are a thousand dimwits with highlights and C-cups that you'd rather be talking to but you're the only person I know in Econ. so here's the deal. I left my backpack in my locker yesterday...can I borrow your notes over the reading?

Pacey: I don't actually have any notes because I didn't do the reading. Don't give me the homework guilt trip, alright? That's what I have parents for.

Andie: Did I say anything? I did not say anything. I'm just freaking out because what if Mr. Matick(?) calls on me in class?

Pacey: Then you do what I always do, you say 'Pass.'

Andie: Pacey, I don't say 'pass'. 'Pass' is not in my vocabulary. There's just, there's just no way.

Pacey: Okay, settle down, it's just one homework assignment. It's not like you're flunking out of school.

Andie: Yeah, I know that, but you get behind by one day, then you're always struggling to catch up. And then you just get more and more confused and then, next thing you know, you're out on the street, drunk and dirty wheeling a shopping cart.

*Pacey leans down on his knees.*

Pacey: Andie, you're rich. Rich people don't end up on the street, they end up in Florida.

Andie: Mmm.

*The bell rings*

Pacey: Oh no, you're doomed!

Andie: Come on! You've got to help me. I mean, do you know anybody that's in there? Do you know anybody that I could borrow notes from?

*Cut to Econ. class*

Teacher: And finally what is the difference between macroeconomics and microeconomics? Andie?

Andie: Um...microeconomics is...microeconomics is when...*she glances over at a kid with his hand up* *quietly* Pass.

Teacher: I'm sorry, what did you say?

Andie: *louder* Pass.

*Pacey gives her a thumbs up sign*

Teacher: Kenny?

Kenny: Microeconomics is the study of whole economic systems and how they inter-relate.When macroeconomics is study of individual areas of economic activity....like corporations.

Teacher: Very good, well put. Thank you Kenny. Which leads me to your assignment. We're going to focus on the microeconomics of the family household. This week you're going to pair up and play a game I like to call
"Alternative Lifestyles".

*Joey looks over at Dawson*

Teacher: (cont.) Now, in this hat, are all your names. You're going to choose a partner, I will assign you identities and then you are to prepare an extensive annual budget for your fictional household. I strongly recommend research trips into the field. How much money will you have to spend a year on food, clothing, travel? Now these are questions that every household must ask. And these are the questions I want you to answer. So let's begin. *He holds the hat above Andie.* Andie?

*Andie picks one*

Andie: Pacey Witter...

Teacher: You and Pacey are a lower middle class family with three children. Pacey you're a busdriver. Andie you're a salesclerk.

*Abby picks*

Abby: Kenny Reily? Mr. Matick is it possible to switch partners?

Teacher: No, it's not.

*Jeff Birdwin picks*

Jeff: Trey Carter.

*They high five.*

Teacher: You two, will be a well-to-do, same s*x couple. Trey you're going to be a pediatrician, Jeff you are an advertising executive.

Trey: What do you mean as in same s*x?

Teacher: Well, as in gay. And you're planning on getting married so your wedding expenses will have to be factored into your budget.

Trey: What do you mean gay?

*Dawson picks.*

Dawson: *disappointed* Jen Lindley.

Teacher: Okay, a wealthy couple, Dawson you're a stockbroker and Jen, you're an engineer. You've got two kids in college, a house at the beach, annual income, $400,000 a year. Last, but not least, Joey Potter. Odd woman out. That's okay, Joey, you will be a single successful single mother raising two kids on your own. Is that everybody? Good luck and don't spend all your money in one place.

*Cut to cafeteria. Joey and Dawson.*

Joey: This assignment is so lame. Pretending to be people we're never going to be, spending money we're never going to have, I mean, what's the point?

Dawson: The point is getting us thinking about economic problems that we will be facing in the real world.

Joey: Well, I hate to break it to you, Peter Pan, but some of us are already dealing with those problems. I mean this just gets me thinking about the future and how I have absolutely no idea about what I want to do with my life.

Dawson: You have an idea.

Joey: No, I don't. Admit it, Dawson, you've got it all mapped out. You're going to go off to Hollywood, become some high profile movie director, make millions of dollars, get a drug addiction, end up at the Betty Ford Center, marry some...

Dawson: *laughing* Excuse me?

Joey: When I close my eyes and think about where I'll be in 10 years it's blank, I have no idea.

Dawson: You will, someday.

Joey: This project is just going to depress me.

Dawson: I think it will be fun.

Joey: Oh, really, and are you as excited to partner up with Jen as she is? The look on her face was classic, Dawson.

Dawson: Well, you have nothing to worry about.

*Joey spots Jen.*

Joey: Famous last words...

[Image]

*Abby and Jen at lunch. Jen is staring over at Dawson.*

Abby: Ah, Jen, you're drooling! Look this is the moment of truth. You're going to be working with him all week long so the question is...are you going to be pantive and massikistic and piss me off? Or are you going to be proactive and grab him by the dipstick and make me proud!

Jen: Abby, it's not that simple, alright? Take a look at him. He's totally into Joey. He's in love with her.

Abby: He's a 15-year-old boy. He doesn't know what love is. All he does know is that he goes to sleep everynight jerkin' his gherkin and he wakes up every morning humping his mattress.

*They laugh*

*Kenny walks up.*

Kenny: Excuse me, Abby? Hey.

Abby: What? Who are you?

Kenny: I'm Kenny Reily, I'm your partner in Econ.

Abby: No you're not. Go away.

Kenny: Look, I thought we should talk about our assignment.

Abby: Um, could you just do the assignment and put my name on it? That'd be great. Thanks, Bye!

*Kenny walks off*

Abby: Anyways, I think it's time for a little bit of this New York City aggression. I mean, you have to show him the old, naughty Jen because this new Jen just isn't workin'. I mean, you're going to working together the whole week. It's the perfect opportunity. Late night study sessions, role playing like you guys are husband and wife...you can remind him of what a great couple you used to be and how compatible you two are.

Jen: I don't know. I don't want to jump the gun, you know?

Abby: I want you to jump the gun. His gun, and I want all the gory details.

*Cut to the Icehouse. Jack is mopping. He dumps the water on the floor.*

Joey: What are you doing? Haven't you ever mopped before? You dip the mop in the bucket, you don't dump the water on the floor.

Jack: Look, I know I've made a few blunders, but I'm not a screw-up.

Joey: Here. I'll do it. Don't worry about it. Just go wipe off the counters.

*Bessie walks in*

Bessie: What is going on here? Is something flooding?

Joey: No, Jack...nevermind. I've taken care of it, but can we save some of this clean-up for tomorrow?

Bessie: No way! This week we have to stay on top of everything. I'm so paranoid that the health department is just going to jump down our throats.

Joey: It's just that I have this huge Econ. project due Friday. It's worth
1/3 of my grade. I have to prepare a household budget for a single career mother and I have no idea what I'm doing.

Bessie: I'm virtually a single career mother. I can help you.

Joey: No thanks, Bessie. You're not exactly the model for this assignment. First of all, she's a super successful career woman with $160,000 annual income.

Bessie: Joey, maybe I'm not super successful but if there's one thing I know how to do it's budget money.

Joey: You know, you're right. I should get some advice. I should find a single career mother who's living this assignment and ask her for help.

Bessie: I can do it. You keep cleaning, and I'll advise.

Joey: Thanks, Bess, but you can barely get your bills paid on time. Thanks for the offer but I think I'll find somebody else.

*Cut to a coffee place.*

Pacey: Dude, check out this Viper.

Andie: Pacey, can you please put that down for one second? Is that possible? We are seriously over-budget by like $30,000.

Pacey: I don't need the jacuzzi. As long as I get this Viper, everything will be alright.

Andie: Pacey, you are a bus driver, and I am a salesclerk. We're not getting any Viper. Okay, I think the first decision that we should make should me where we're going to live. Since we have 3 kids, we should get a four-bedroom house.

Pacey: Kids don't need their own rooms. You know, not everyone gets to grow up like you, very princess.

Andie: I want a divorce.

Pacey: Granted. We can split the cash, you can keep the kids, I'll take the car.

Andie: That is so typical. Doesn't that sicken you that you're living up to the most common embase of all male stereotypes? You don't care about your wife and kids, no. All you care about is this overpriced piece of metal.

Pacey: Hey it's got passenger side airbags. Look, I want a Viper. That's it. End of story.

Andie: Okay, compromise. You'll get your Viper. If and only if we can find a buyable two-bedroom apartment.

Pacey: And how are we supposed to do that?

Andie: Well, Mr. Matick said we should do some research in the field so..let's go apartment scouting.

*Cut to Mitch doing some work when a car pulls up and Gail and another guy pull up. The guy hands Gail her briefcase and she kisses him on the cheek. Mitch goes back to his work and Gail walks towards him.*

Gail: Hi honey. Where's Dawson?

Mitch: He's, uh, studying next door.

Gail: What a day.

Mitch: Yeah, I'll bet.

Gail: I missed a deadline, the car wouldn't start, Frank from accounting had to give me a ride home.

Mitch: Why didn't you call me?

Gail: I thought it'd be easier if I got a ride.

Mitch: With Frank from accounting.

Gail: Please, don't tell me your mad about that.

Mitch: Look, Gail, I know that Frank just gave you a ride home, alright? But I can't stop how I feel. There's no trust here, no honesty. I don't know what to do to get it back. I don't know maybe this idea of an open, this open marriage thing.

Gail: Mitch..

Mitch: No, no, wait, wait, just here me out. Maybe, by taking away the rules, I can take away the need to trust you, and we can get back some of what we lost.

Gail: Meaning?

Mitch: Meaning from this moment on Thursday night is date night, we can go out with whomever we want, do whatever we want, when whatever we want, and the only rule is that we're honest about it. See, there's no need to lie, an open marriage allows us that.


*Cut to Dawson and Jen in Jen's room.*

Dawson: Um, maybe we should send our kid's to state school. It would be a hell of a lot cheaper.

Jen: Dawson, if we had kids they'd be Ivy League material.

Dawson: These prices are astronomical. According to our tax bracket, we would have to earn $60,000 a year to send one kid to one year of college.

*Jen is laughing.*

Dawson: What are you laughing at?

Jen: This conversation. I mean, listen to us talking about our mortgages, how we're going to afford to send our kids to college, I don't know, it's like we're actually married. Who knows maybe 20 years on down the line...could be us.

Dawson: I think these travel expenses are a little bit unrealistic. I mean, we're going to want to go someplace warm in the winter, right?

Jen: Yeah, somewhere like the Florida Keys...I've never been to Hawaii.

Dawson: Jamaica.

Jen: How 'bout Figi?

Dawson: Figi! I could totally do Figi. That'd be cool. Um, we should, um, call our travel agent, do some price checking. Should we take the kids?

Jen: No. They're in college they probably won't want to go with us.

Dawson: They'll probably be sick of us.

Jen: Besides, if we go alone it'd be much more romantic. Well, Dawson, we've agreed on practically every aspect of married life, I don't think we could be more compatible.

*Dawson just lifts his eyebrow.*

Jen: *puts her head on his shoulder.* You know, it's kind of a relief that you and me can still hang out.

Dawson: Yeah...

Jen: You know, it's funny. I have these moments when I feel as if nothing's really changed between us.

*Dawson just stares off.*

Jen: Kind of like right now.

Dawson: Well, I think we've done enough work for tonight. What do you think? *He gets up and heads for the door*

Jen: Um, Dawson, if you happen to get any inspiration on the assignment or just want to talk or whatever, I'm here for you. My door's always open. If you know what I mean.

Dawson: I think so. I'll see you tomorrow.

Jen: Bye.

[Image]

*Andie and Pacey are apartment scouting*

Andie: What is that?

Landlord: Rat trap. We have a little vermon infestation, not a big deal.

Andie: You're renting the place, as is?

Landlord: Yep. As is.

Andie: Still want that Viper?

Pacey: What are we doing here? Are we doing this project or are we moving in together? We've looked at twelve different apartment buildings and for what?

Andie: Research. Mr. Matick told us to do research.

Pacey: Yeah but the assignment is due tomorrow and we don't have a thing on paper.

Andie: Is that my fault?

Pacey: Yes! It is your fault. You're the one that's been leading us on this ridiculous apartment scavenger hunt.

*They're walking down the stairs*

Andie: I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I actually got into this project, Pacey. I'm sorry I'm not the biggest slacker on the planet.

Pacey: After all this, you still think I'm lazy.

Andie: No, Pacey, there's lazy and then there's you. Are you trying to win some teen rebel award? I mean, do you think it's cool to give the finger to everything and everyone that doesn't fit into your little self-destructive agenda.

Pacey: Let's get one thing straight. You don't know me.

Andie: Well enlighten me. My econ. grade depends on it.

Pacey: Okay, you want the broken record? Here it is. Since before the dawn of time, I have been designated the black sheep of my family. This label is permanent. I can't erase it, and I can't trade it in for a new one. I could bring home an 'A' in econ. or an 'F'. I could bring home the Nobel Peace Prize and it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference. So Miss Perky you try growing up in a family atmosphere like that and see if you can stay motivated.

Andie: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

Pacey: No, of course not. You were too busy getting into character. "Oh I'm just a salesclerk, a poor little salesclerk look for an apartment." You want to know the reason this assignment is so fascinating to you? In reality, you've never had a problem in your life. You drive around in your Saab, you buy your new clothes, and you basically throw your money away. The idea that people actually have to budget their money is like some novelty to you. You're rich and you're spoiled and that's what it comes down to!

Andie: You know what, you're right. I don't know anything about me and you know even less about me so just leave me alone!

Pacey: Andie, wait, I....

Landlord: So..are you going to take the apartment?

*Cut to Joey looking at a model of a house*

MissWeston: Hi.

Joey: Hi. I'm Joey Potter. Thank you so much for seeing me Miss Weston.

MissWeston: Oh please, Joey, call me Laura.

Joey: Anyways, I know you're probably really busy but I'm preparing this household budget for Mr. Matick in your name since you're the living embodiment of a single, successful career woman.

*She laughs*

Joey: What's so funny?

MissWeston: I don't know, I never thought I'd someday be thought of as the embodiment of a successful career woman. *to some guy* Dayle, can you bring me the filing portfolio? I need to look at it before the meeting. *the guy nods*

Joey: Well you must have always been pretty ambitious to be doing so well, I mean...

MissWeston: Aw, ambitious? Are you kidding? Not at all. A few years ago I was the quintessential housewife. Raising kids, staying home, no job. Growing up I'd always loved art and drawing so I went back to school. Now I'm teaching art and working as an interior designer. It's great because I spend half my time teaching, which I love, and spend the other half, in design. *a guy walks up* Thanks.

Joey: You must be incredibly talented.

MissWeston: Incredibly hard-working is what I am. Oh and Joey, we're doing the designs for a chain of Mexican restaurants. Come take a look at these floorplans.

Joey: They look good to me.

MissWeston: Look closer, do you see any potential problems?

*Joey bends over and looks*

Joey: Um...nevermind.

MissWeston: No, no, what is it?

Joey: You placed the kitchen and the bar and opposite ends of the restaurant.

MissWeston: And why is that a problem?

Joey: Well, I work in a restaurant and with it like that, the waiters have to place the kitchen orders and the drink orders separately. Everything takes twice as long and you end up running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

MissWeston: Mind if I pick your brain for advice on some of these other designs? A little trade-off for helping you with your assignment?

Joey: I don't know. I'd love to.

*Cut to Abby and Jen in the coffee house*

Abby: Nothing? Nothing has happened? You've been working with him all week and you expect me to believe that nothing has happened?

Jen: I'm telling you nothing has happened. I don't know. I mean, he's so head-over-heels in love with Joey I just can't compete with her.

Abby: That is where you're wrong. Joey has nothing on you. Kenny, what do you think of Joey Potter?

Kenny: She's hot.

Abby: Oh, shut up! What do you know. You're practically wallide(?).

Kenny: Well, Abby, I do know that we should be working on our assignment.

Abby: Okay, you're bugging me. Can you just get out of my hair and finish it?

Kenny: Look, Abby, you haven't been doing your share of the work.

Abby: Well, what do you expect? I'm not like you, Kenny. I have a very demanding social life. *Kenny goes back to work.* I mean, Joey may be pretty. She does have that fresh-face appeal in a very J. Crew-catalogue kind of way, but she's no you. You're a s*x kitten, Jen. And you should work it to your advantage.

Jen: What are you saying? That I should just take off all my clothes and throw myself at him?

Abby: It could work! Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor and tonight is your last night with him! I mean you have to go for broke. Wear something scandalous. You can borrow one of my dresses and just spray perfume in all the right places, big red moist lips.

Jen: You know what, you're right. Might as well put the final nail in my coffin of shame, what have I got to lose?

Abby: Yeah. Just seduce him. His tighty-whities will be in a ball by the floor of the bed before you can say "Joey Potter is a virgin."

*They laugh*

*Cut to Mrs. Leery lighting candles for dinner. Mitch walks in.*

Gail: Dinner's ready.

Mitch: Well, I made other plans, Gail. It's Thursday.

Gail: Thursday, right. Well then, you have fun. See you later.

Mitch: Bye.

*Cut to Dawson and Joey on the porch*

Joey: So you want to come with me to the Icehouse? I told Bessie I'd help clean up.

Dawson: No, I've got to stay here and finish my project with Jen.

Joey: Oh. *singing* Mineeee's donneee.

Dawson: I hate you.

Joey: Oh yeah?

*They kiss*

Joey: Well, Laura practically did the whole thing. She is so cool, Dawson. She said anytime I want to enter into a company, she'd help me out.

Dawson: Really?

Joey: She just made me realize that maybe someday I could own my own business or my own company.

Dawson: See it looks like Joey has some career aspirations after all.

*Gail comes out the front door*

Gail: Um, if your father comes back tell him since it's Thursday night, I've gone out.

Dawson: When will you be back?

Gail: Later. Goodnight honey.

*She leaves. Joey looks at Dawson, confused.*

Dawson: I've given up trying to figure out my parents. It's really weird right now.

*They sit there and Joey smiles.*

Joey: You think we should take advantage of this moment of unsupervision.

*They start kissing*

*Jen walks in*

Jen: Hey.

*They stop*

Dawson: Hey.

Jen: If I've interrupted something I can come back later.

Joey: No I was just leaving. Bye Dawson. *She kisses him.* Nice dress.

Jen: Thanks I borrowed it.

Joey: I'll bet.

*Joey leaves*

Dawson: So, um, where do you want to do this?

Jen: Somewhere where we can be comfortable. Let's go to your bedroom.

*Cut to Icehouse. Trey and Jeff are talking.*

Trey: Why do we need two Range Rover's? Compromise Jeff. A couple weeks in Europe..we drive a cheaper car.

Jeff: You know what, forget the honeymoon! You drive the cheaper car!

Trey: Why are you so selfish? I mean, why do you act like that?

Jeff: Yeah I'm selfish!

*They walk off as Joey looks confused by their conversation.*

Joey: Hey! Sorry I'm late. God, this place is a pigsty.

Jack: We got slammed.

Joey: Hey Bessie I was telling Laura about our financial problems.

Bessie: Who's Laura?

Joey: She's the interior designer who helped me with my project.

Bessie: Oh the super successful career woman.

Joey: Anyway, she had some really great ideas. Ways to keep our overhead cost down. Laura also said she'd help us with a new logo for the Icehouse. I mean, we could print new menus, placemats...

Bessie: We don't need new menus or placemats.

Joey: She said she could do it for free.She said it's crucial for businesses to revamp their new look every once in awhile. It keeps things fresh.

Bessie: I don't have time to take advice from some woman who knows nothing about me or my life or the Icehouse.

Joey: She was just trying to help.

Bessie: I don't need her help. I need your help, now. The health department called they're coming here tomorrow morning and this place is a total disaster.

Joey: Look, you don't have to snap at me like it's my fault.

Bessie: Well, I thought you were coming in earlier, we needed you tonight.

Joey: Well, I'm sorry, Bessie, but I actually have a life. I am not your full-time slave.

Bessie: Full-time slave? That's a bit of an exaggeration.

Joey: Oh is it?

Bessie: Yeah!

Joey: The fact is all I do is run your errands, answer your phone calls, and take care of your baby and I'm sick of it!

Bessie: Oh, Joey, I'm sorry my baby and I are cramping your style why don't you go home. Jack and I have it covered.

[Image]

*Icehouse, Pacey walks in.*

Jack: Hey, we're closed.

Pacey: Listen, can I just get a cup of coffee, man? I'm desperate.

Jack: Yeah, yeah sure.

Pacey: You're Andie's brother, right?

*Jack nods.*

Pacey: I'm Pacey.

Jack: Yeah, I know who you are.

Pacey: Uh, listen, is your sister on any kind of medication because she just went completely ballistic on me.

Jack: Why? What'd you do to her?

Pacey: Nothing. I just called her a spoiler princess and she just went psycho. I guess the truth hurts sometimes.

Jack: Andie a spoiled princess...I don't think anything could be further from the truth.

Pacey: Don't tell me your family's not totally loaded.

Jack: You think I'm workin' here for kicks?

Pacey: Yeah, but your sister drives a Saab man. And all those nice clothes...

Jack: Yeah it's the last remains of a decaying dynasty.

Pacey: I don't get it.

Jack: Look, there was a time when things were easy for us, relatively, but those days are over now. Look I really don't want to get into this. Just do me a favor. Give Andie a break. She deserves it.

*Cut to Mitch and Gail on their free nights doing absolutely nothing and looking very bored.*

*Cut to Dawson and Jen in Dawson's room.*

Dawson: *happily* Alright, we're done!

Jen: Finally, huh? Mission accomplished. Oh my God I am so exhausted I can barely see straight.

Dawson: Yeah, I feel like I've become one with this chair.

*Jen laughs*

Jen: How about a massage? Get rid of a little bit of that tension.

Dawson: No, I'm cool.

Jen: Are you sure?

*Jen goes over and lays on the bed.*

Jen: God, I am so beat. I don't even think I can make it next door. You mind if I just crash here for the night?

Dawson: *surprised* Yeah, actually I do.

Jen: What?

Dawson: Yeah, I do mind. You should probably go home.

Jen: So what? We can't hang out together anymore is that it?

Dawson: No, absolutely we can hang out together. We just can't sleep together.

Jen: Well, calm down, Dawson. I just said I would crash at your house. No one said anything about sleeping together. I know what it is. It's Joey, isn't it? She's been putting ideas in your head about me.

Dawson: No, Jen, Joey hasn't been putting ideas in my head. I'm not oblivious.

Jen: Meaning?

Dawson: Meaning, look at you. I mean, is this what you normally wear to a study session? I mean, you've been making suggestive comments. Testing me all night.

Jen: Dawson if you can't handle being in the same room with me--

Dawson: I can handle being in the same room with you. I just can't handle you throwing yourself at me every other second. I mean, don't you find it humiliating?

Jen: I'm not humiliating anybody, Dawson. And I know that you're with Joey and I accept that. I just don't respect it. And I don't mean this in a slutty, self-degrading sort of way, but I want to let you know that you've got options. And I'm one of them.

Dawson: Who are you? What happened to Jen?

Jen: She got bored. Decided to liven things up a bit. *Jen kisses him and walks towards the door and turns around* I hope you can handle it Dawson.

*She leaves.*

*Cut to Mitch and Gail in their bedroom.*

Mitch: Have fun?

Gail: Yeah. Did you?

Mitch: Yeah.

Gail: Good. So what'd you do?

Mitch: Went to Duke's. Met some new people. Danced a little. You?

Gail: Oh, I met a friend for some drinks. I'm glad you had a good time tonight, Mitch.

*They turn off the lights*

*Cut to Joey on the porch. Bessie drives up.*

Joey: I was beginning to think you skipped town on me.

Bessie: Yeah I was up all night cleaning. Look, Joey. Things aren't working out for you and the Icehouse so you're fired.

Joey: Fired?

Bessie: I just don't think you should be working there anymore.

Joey: You can't fire me.

Bessie: Yes I can, and I am.

Joey: I know what you're doing Bessie. I couldn't sleep last night I felt so bad. What I said, I didn't mean.

Bessie: Yes, you did. You were right. I'm in way over my head, but these problems are not yours. I don't want to be the one robbing you of your childhood, the fun of being young. Not burdened by all my messes. It's not fair. It's not fair to you and I'm sorry.

Joey: Bessie, these are my problems because you and I are a team, you know? And you can't fire me because I'm not going anywhere and I won't be fired. And I love you. And Alexander. And I don't ever want you to feel like you're in this alone.

Bessie: Yeah but you're my little sister. I'm supposed to be taking care of you.

Joey: You do. You do take care of me, Bessie.

Bessie: You know, one day I'll get it together and you'll be proud of me.

Joey: I am proud of you, Bessie. I mean, this assignment helped me understand how much you have to deal with and how much stress you are under. I think you're amazing.

Bessie: Yeah?

Joey: Yeah.

*Cut to Econ. class*

Teacher: Unlike some of your schoolwork, the lessons that you learned from this project, can be directly applied to your future lives. Therefore, I hope, I hope, I hope that you gave this project's it's deserved attention. Now will you please pass your projects to the front of the room for me. Jeff, how'd that wedding turn out?

Jeff: Great, Mr. Matick. We decided to go for a casual one by the ocean, just you know,

Jeff and Trey: Close friends and family.

Trey: And that way we can spend more money on the honeymoon.

Teacher: Good decision, Trey.

Kenny: Mr. Matick?

Teacher: Yes Kenny?

Kenny: FYI, Abby Morgan's name is on this report because she threatened my life and didn't help at all and spent the entire week just verbally abusing me.

Abby: That is a lie! Look, Mr. Matick, Kenny was congested and he literally had snot all over his face. I just didn't want to get ill.

Teacher: I hope you set aside money for marriage counseling. So Andie, where's your project?

Andie: Well, Mr. Matick, since marriage is a 50/50 partnership, I decided to do my project from the wife's perspective so..here's my half.

*Pacey walks in with a notebook.*

Teacher: Pacey Witter! Nice of you to join us. This your project?

Pacey: Mine and Andie's.

Teacher: Looks pretty comprehensive. Good work, you two. And now that this is over you'll get these back on Monday then on Monday we'll start our project on macroeconomics.

*Cut to outside of school Dawson and Joey*

Dawson: I am so glad that project is over.

Joey: I liked it.

Dawson: You did, didn't ya?

Joey: Yeah.

Dawson: I can see it now, Joey Potter climbing the ladder to corporate america.

Joey: Shut up.

Dawson: Come here.

*They start kissing. Abby and Jen walk towards them.*

Abby: Get a room.

*Abby and Jen continue walking*

Joey: What was that all about?

Dawson: I have no idea.

*Cut to Andie and Pacey.*

Andie: Pacey, hey!

Pacey: Hey.

Andie: Thanks for finishing the project. I guess I can never call you lazy again

Pacey: Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday. 'Kay. I think we were both suffering from a case of false impressions. I talked to your brother last night and he explained to me that your family is not exactly the Rockefellar's.

Andie: He did?

Pacey: Yeah, so I feel like the world's biggest chump here.

Andie: Don't sweat it.

Pacey: No, really, it's true. I obviously don't know anything about you.

Andie: Look, Pacey, my life is like a Movie of the Week is better left out of this conversation here, okay?

Pacey: Okay.

Andie: So what I want to know is did we get the viper?

Pacey: Come on, after all we've been through do you think I could really get the Viper?

*Andie gives him a look.*

Pacey: Okay, I had to but it's such an awesome car.

Andie: That means all of our kids are stuffed into a 2-bedroom apartment.

Pacey: Actually it's a one bedroom apartment, but, you know, the family that lays together stays together.

Andie: Pacey, 5 people in one bedroom. That is insanity!

Pacey: Are you complaining? I stayed up all night finishing this project.

*They pass a convertible where the lady in it turns her head and takes off her sunglasses revealing that it's... MISS JACOBS!*