01x01 - Uno

[ "Address Unknown" plays]


♪ Address unknown ♪
♪ not even a trace of you ♪

[Indistinct conversation]

♪ Oh, what I'd give ♪
♪ to see the face of you ♪

[Printer whirring]

[Indistinct conversations]

♪ I was a fool ♪
♪ to stay away ♪
♪ from you so long ♪
♪ I should have known ♪
♪ there'd come a day when you'd be gone ♪
♪ address unknown ♪
♪ oh, how could I be so blind ♪
♪ to think that you ♪
♪ would never be hard to find? ♪
♪ From the place of your birth to the ends of the earth ♪
♪ I've searched only to find ♪
♪ only to find ♪
♪ address unknown ♪



Address unknown.

Honey child, I ain't even got a trace of ya.

[Humming continues]

You know one thing?

I'd give anything in the world just to see the face of ya.

[Indistinct conversations]

I was a fool to stay away from you, and everything else so long.


I should have been diplomatic and figured that some day, you'd be solid gone.

♪ Address unknown ♪
♪ oh, how could I be so blind ♪

[Grinding stops]

♪to think that you ♪
♪ would never be hard to find? ♪
♪ From the place of your birth to the ends of the earth ♪
♪ I've searched only to find ♪
♪ only to find ♪
♪ address unknown ♪

Woman: Yeah, that is some detail.

That is some Western detail right there...

Western detail, attention to detail.

Look, he's even got the spurs on the back of his boots.

And they're sharp. They are.

Christine: [Laughs] I love it.

Well, the clock is gone on this piece, Christine, so...

[Gasps] Oh, my goodness!

Well, let's just move on.

Well, from time to time, people make mistakes... That's okay.

This is our first renoir of the evening.

This is a heliogravure, which is an etching.

It was hand-pulled from a copper plate in Paris in 1919.

We know this because that's what it says on the back, where the certificate of authenticity is located.

Just as lovely as can be.

Look at the soft, delicate shading. Very feminine.

This is a limited edition.

This is what you're looking for if you are a Renoir fan.

100... Oh, my goodness. Right at the buzzer.

Whoo! Good.

Man: ...of the few exceptions is the African pancake tortoise, which has a flat, flexible shell that allows it to hide in rock crevasses.

Big swath of light to moderate snow from the broken bow area down toward Kearney, Hastings, Grand Island... That is all moving in our direction.

So I do think, around 7:00 to 8:00, the snow will become pretty steady here across the region with all this moving on top of us, and that's really gonna knock down visibilities.

And, again, snow-covered roads are gonna be definitely likely this evening,

making it even slippier... Or more...


More slippery than it is out there at this time.

There's that winter-weather advisory in effect until very early tomorrow morning.

We're gonna talk snowfall totals

coming up after more news.

[Dramatic music plays]

Reporter: Will bitter, cold weather help break up the compaction issues we created this fall in our fields?

Well, we'll show you where it will and where it won't during today's iron talk.

[Chair creaking]

When it comes to compaction...

There's really two different types of compaction.

There's vertical compaction, and there's horizontal compaction.

And there's a big difference.


With horizontal compaction, there really isn't much hope for help from a freeze thaw.

And the reason why, as that hard, compacted layer swells And then, in the spring, thaws back out and settles back down.

There's really no breaking up of the compaction.

With a vertical zone, when compaction swells out, and then it breaks up in the spring, then you can actually get a little bit of help.

So if you have some horizontal compaction...

[VCR whirring]

created by doing some tillage when it was a little too wet, or...

[Ice clinking]


["The battle hymn of the Republic" plays]

Saul: Don't let false allegations bully you into an unfair fight.

Hi, I'm Saul Goodman, and I will do the fighting for you.

No charge is too big for me.

When legal forces have you cornered, better call Saul!


[Jingle plays]

I'll get your case dismissed.

I'll give you the defense you deserve. Why?

Because I'm Saul Goodman, attorney-at-law.

I investigate, advocate, persuade, and, most importantly, win! [Echoing] Win...Win...Win!

Better call Saul.


["God bless America" plays]

Do you feel doomed?

Have opponents of freedom wrongly intimidated you?

Maybe they told you that you're in serious trouble and there's nothing you can do about it.

I'm Saul Goodman, and I'm here to tell you that they're wrong.

It's never too late for justice. Better call...

[Clock ticking]

[Chair creaks]

[Man coughs]

[Chair creaks]

[Ice rattles]


[Man coughs]

[Chair creaks]

[Chair creaks]

[Keys jingling]

[Clears throat]

[Hinges creaks]

Jimmy: Think back... Your brain...

I... It's just not all there yet.

Uh, if we were all held responsible [claps hands] For what we did when we were 19...


I remember what it was like to be a kid. Think back.

[Chuckles] Tell 'em, judge, what would you say?

[Door creaks]

These boys... 19.

I can't... I don't... These three young men...

[Sighs] Just like you.

Just like you.



[Doors creak]


[Hinges creak]

[Claps hands]

Oh, to be 19 again... You with me, ladies and gentlemen?

Do you remember 19?

Let me tell you... The juices are flowing.

The red corpuscles are corpuscling, the grass is green, and it's soft, and summer's gonna last forever.

[Chuckles, inhales sharply] Now, do you remember?

Yeah, you do. [Clears throat]

But if you're being honest... I mean, well, really honest, you'll recall that you also had an underdeveloped 19-year-old brain.

Me, personally, I... It... If I were held accountable for some of the stupid decisions I made when I was 19... [chuckling] Oh, boy, wow.

And I bet if we were in church right now, I'd get a big "amen!"

Which brings us to these three...

Now, these three knuckleheads...

And I'm sorry, boys, but that's what you are...

They did a dumb thing. We're not denying that.

However, I would like you to remember two salient facts.

Fact one... Nobody got hurt, not a soul.

Very important to keep that in mind.

Fact two... Now, the prosecution keeps bandying this term "criminal trespass."

Mr. Spinowzo, the property owner, admitted to us that he keeps most portions of his business open to the public both day and night.

So, trespassing? [Clicks tongue]

That's a bit of a reach... Don't you think, Dave?

[Chuckles, inhales sharply] Here's what I know...

These three young men, near honors students all, were feeling their oats one Saturday night, and they just... Went a little bananas.

[Chuckles] I don't know.

Call me crazy, but I don't think they deserve to have their bright futures ruined by a momentary, minute, never-to-be-repeated lapse of judgment.

Ladies and gentlemen, you're bigger than that.

[Man sniffs]

[Woman coughs]


[Chairs creaking]

[Woman clears throat]

[Wheels squeaking]

[VCR whirring]


Kenny: [Laughs]

Young man: Kenny, Kenny, are you rolling?

Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute.

Yeah, baby, yeah!

But, dude... but, dude, pipe down. Chill out, would you?

Hey, Mrs. Watson's fourth-period biology class, this one's for you. Watch and learn, losers.

Oh, yeah!


[Rhythmic squishing]


Oh, God!

Dude! Where did all the bl*od go?!

Young man 2: Dude, he's dead. They suck it all out, dumbass.

[Laughing] Awesome. Where do they put it?

All right, g... I'm though the neck bone now, dude.

Oh, nice. Kenny, get over here, man.

I'm... I'm getting it. Get... Get... Get this out of here.

All right. All right, fine.

Here, let me do it.


I got it!

All right.

Oh, oh-oh! Get that.

All right. Oh, my God.

Ohh! Here, let me do it.

Dude, get off!

Chill out.


All right. Wait, wait.

Ohh. Ohh. Okay, wait for it. Wait.




Yeah! Oh!

Whoo! Whoo!

Come on! Yeah, baby, yeah!

This dude was...

Dude, I dare you to stick your wang in the throat hole.

I will if you will, loser.


All right, all right!


What the hell kind of math is that?

Woman: $700 per defense.

No, no, no. "Defendant." "...dant."

Three defendants, $2,100, which, by the way, bargain...

What I did for them.

They going to jail, ain't they?

So, since when does that matter?!

They... They had sex with a head!

Look, didn't nobody tell you to try all three of them together.

One trial... $700.

You're gonna miss me. You are gonna miss me.

'Cause it'll be a cold day in hell before I do any more P.D. Work for this shitty court!

Sayonara, baby!

You have yourself a nice day.



[Wand warbles]


[Telephone rings]

[Breathing deeply]

[Cellphone ringing]


[High-pitched British accent] Law offices of James Mcgill.

How may I direct your call?

[Clears throat]

Yes, Mrs. Kettleman, so good of you to return.

Actually, I don't have Mr. Mcgill at the moment, but I know he'd...

Oh, splendid.

Uh, unfortunately, our offices are being painted and the fumes are quite horrid.

Um, uh, could he meet you and your husband at, say, uh, Loyola's Cafe on Central?

4:00 it shall be. Cheers.

[Breathing heavily]

[Exhales sharply]

[Car door creaks]

[Car door slams]

[Engine turns over]

[Tires screech]

[Brakes squeal]

[Gear clicks]


[Clears throat]


Uh, I'm validated. See the stickers?

Well, I see five stickers.

You're one shy. It's $3.

[Sighs] They gave me... Look.

I'm validated for the entire day, okay?

Five stickers, six stickers... I don't know from stickers because I was in that court back there saving people's lives, so...

Well, gee, that's swell.

And thank you for restoring my faith in the judicial system.

Now you either pay the $3, or you go back inside and you get an additional sticker.

Son of a bitch. [Scoffs]

Fine. You win. Hooray for you.

[Scoffs] Backing up!

I have to back up! I need more stickers!

Don't have enough stickers!

Thank you! Thank you... Very nice!

[Brakes squeal]

[Engine shuts off]

[Car door slams]

Employee of the month over here!

Yeah! [Clapping hands]

Hooray! Give him a medal!

Don't do anything, guys. Just relax, all right?

Well, I'm just fuzzy as to why you think he needs a lawyer.

I mean, Craig, the way you run your office is beyond reproach.

Yeah. Yeah. Beyond reproach.

Yeah. I'm a stickler, you know, for...

He is. He's a stickler with the money.

He's definitely a stickler.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, he's certainly not guilty of some...

Is certainly not. He's innocent of any wrongdoing.

That's abundantly clear to me.

And frankly, I don't go looking for guilty people to represent.

I mean [chuckling] who needs that aggravation, right?

Right. [Laughter]

Look, all I know is what I read in the paper.

And typically, when money goes missing from the county treasury... And the number here is, uh, $1.6 million...

Well, that's an accounting...

It's an accounting discrepancy.

It's a discrepancy, absolutely.

But typically, when that happens, the police look at the treasurer.

And since that person is, uh... [chuckles]

I just think a little proactivity may be in order.


You know, I just think I'd look guilty if I hired a lawyer.



Actually, it's getting arrested that makes people look guilty, even the innocent ones, and innocent people get arrested every day.

And they find themselves in a little room with a detective who acts like he's their best friend.

"Talk to me," he says. Uh, "help me clear this thing up.

You don't need a lawyer... Only guilty people need lawyers."

And boom!

Hey, that's when it all goes south.

That's when you want someone in your corner, someone who will fight tooth and nail.


Lawyers... You know, we're like health insurance.

You hope you never need it.

But, man, oh, man, not having it... No.

[Chuckles, exhales sharply]

How [clears throat] would we proceed if we decided to, uh...

Oh, well, this is a... [clears throat]

Letter of engagement.

It's very simple, straightforward.

Please, uh, read it closely, but if you sign it, um, I can get started on that defense strategy of ours this very afternoon.


[Indistinct conversations]

[Click echoes]

[Distorted conversations in distance]




I think maybe we should sleep on it.

Uh... Sure.

Don't you think, Mr. Mcgill?

Maybe we should sleep on it.

Oh, oh, please, call me "Jimmy."

[Chuckles] A... Absolutely.

I mean, there's no rush.

You... Oh, and, you know, Craig, we got to pick up the kids...

Oh. Right. Yeah...

At the...Yeah. Right.

[Chuckles] Well, uh, we will be in touch.

Oh. Uh, thank you for the coffee and for the advice.

You're very, very welcome.


[Snaps fingers]

Um, here. Take this.

It's, uh... It's got my phone number on it.

Yeah. Okay.

Got it.

[Indistinct conversations]


The number is 9456-0054-4896-0643, and the expiration is 11/04.

Okay, and the keyword here is "classy," all right?

Super classy... Use only flowers that look expensive, but, you know, aren't.

Uh, and the note should say [Sighs] "Dear Betsy and Craig," uh, "best wishes from your stickler for justice", James Mcgill."

Okay? And "Mcgill" is spelled "m-c..."

Well, run it again. Oh, no, no, no. It's paid up.

Run it again.



[Brakes squeal]


[Inhales sharply]


Lars: Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, my God! Ohh.

Cal, Cal! Look at me!

Buddy, look at me. Are you okay?

Say something. What did you do?

I did...

What did you do to my brother?

Why don't you look where you're going?!

I was making a turn! He came out of nowhere!

You freaking hit him, man!

You ran him over!


You ran over my brother!

And I got the whole thing on video.

It was an accident. It was an accident.

He didn't... he didn't mean to. Let me just... Aah! Aah! Oh!

No, no. That's broke. That's broke. You broke his leg.

It's my leg.

Why are you driving around and not looking?!

Driving around, breaking people's legs!

It's... It's o... Okay, okay, okay!

Where's the... Somebody call the cops!

Don't call... don't call the police. Don't call the police.

Cal: Lars.


Don't, don't, don't. Don't call them.

I'll call them myself.

I'm doing it myself.

Don't call the police.

Don't call the police.

Don't call the cops?


How you gonna fix this?

What are you gonna do to make things right?

[Breathing heavily]

I don't know, fellas.


What can I do to make it right?



I don't know.


500 bucks?



Ow! What the hell, man?!

Listen, starlight express, I'm gonna give you a 9.6 for technique, 0.0 for choice of v*ctim.

I'm a lawyer. [Laughs]

Furthermore, does... Does this steaming pile of crap scream "payday" to you, huh?!

The only way that entire car is worth 500 bucks is if there's a $300 hooker sitting in it.

Now, let's talk about what you owe me for the windshield.

You... what? [Grunts]

[Dogs barking in distance]

I'll take a check!

[Conversations in Vietnamese]

[Man singing in native language]

[Bell jingles]

Chao chi c'ung, ladies! Chao chi c'ung!

Chao chi c'ung!

[All speaking vietnamese]

Chao chi c'ung, Mrs. Nguyen.

My, don't you look...

Got my mail?

You work for people who have sex with chopped-off head?

Was it in the paper?

I heard it from my cousin.

Why? Why you work for these people?

[Clears throat] Just lucky, I guess.

Cucumber water for customer only!

[Washing machine rumbling]

[Door closes]

[Keys jingling]

[Lock turns]

[Door scraping]

[Keys jingle]



[Dial tone]


Female voice: You have... Zero messages.

[Button clicks]




[Tones play]

[Elevator doors open]

[Inhales deeply]

[Button clicks]

[Tones play]

[Indistinct conversations]

[Telephones ringing]


Brenda, looking good. Nice do.

Uh, where's Lord Vader?

Uh, he's not quite ready for you yet.

South conference room.

How about you wait out here?

How about I don't? [Scoffs]

Oh, Sir Francis.


Well-groomed, as always.


All right.

[Clears throat]

Keith, Karen, yes. [Claps hands]

[Inhales deeply]

You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Hamlin, and I won't have it!

Brenda: Do you want me to call security?

It's okay, Brenda, we got it.

[Button clicks]

Hey, Jack. Hey, Nate. Hey, Aaron.

What can we do for you, Jimmy?

I'm sorry. It's... It's this table.

Something just comes over me.

You can tell me what this, uh, $26,000 is supposed to be for.

That's money for Chuck. Isn't that what you wanted?

A measly 26 grand? [Scoffs]

Jesus, you're like Peter Minuit with the Indians.

Throw in some beads and shells while you're at it.

It's just a start. There'll be more...

Unless you're gonna just tear them all up.

And why was it made out to me... Why not Chuck?

Can he make his way to the bank?

[Inhales sharply]

I just assumed it was best to have the money go through you.

We can do it any way you want.

This isn't going away, Howard.

What Chuck did for this firm... And damn near single-handedly...

1/3 of this place belongs to him.

Yeah. What do you got... 12 chairs here?

Four of these chairs are Chuck's.

You got five of these light thingumajigs?

Uh, mm, 1 2/3 are Chuck's.

Yeah. Six... How many danishes... Six danishes?

You can have all the Danish you want, Jimmy. No, no.

They're Chuck's danishes, and Chuck isn't greedy, so h-he'll just take two...

Plus $17 million... In that ballpark.

I mean, we'll know once we get the accountants poking around here.

Until then, no more penny-ante checks designed to make it look like Chuck still works here.

He doesn't. He never will again.

It's time to do right by him and cash him out.

So, these are Chuck's own wishes that you're conveying?

This is what's best for him.


So he personally told you that it's his wish to withdraw from the firm?


See, that would surprise me.

It's been nearly a year since he's set foot in here.

I'm just doing what's in his best interests.

So am I.

And I, for one, believe he's gonna lick this thing.

Until then, his office is just as he left it.

His secretary's still on payroll.

If Chuck can call this an extended sabbatical, then so can we... He's that important to us.

You know what? Let's let a jury figure it out.

[Sighs] Yeah, they're gonna love you, Howard.

You're so down-to-earth and relatable.

And you... Will... Atone!

It's Ned b*at, from "Network."

For Christ's sakes, guys.

[Indistinct conversations]

[Telephones ringing]


I almost forgot... This month's filings.

You could save me the postage.

W... Weren't you listening in there?

Chuck doesn't work here anymore.

You think I'm gonna help you establish a paper trail?

Now, Jimmy...

No, stop trying to pawn that shit off on him.


You know, Jimmy, sometimes, in our line of work, you can get so... Caught up in the idea of winning that you forget to listen to your heart.

Give Chuck my love, would you?


Oh, there you are.

Betsy, Craig.

Craig: Ah.

Betsy: Hi. Okay.

[Indistinct conversation]


[Conversation continues]

You look lovely today.

Oh, thank you so much.

[Conversation continues]

[Tones plays]


Couldn't you just...

You know, I can't.


[Breathing heavily]


[Insects chirping]

[Brakes squeal]

[Gear clicks]

[Engine shuts off]

[Keys jingling]

[Keys jingling]

[Typewriter keys clacking]

[Door closes]


Aah! Son of a bitch!

Chuck: Ground yourself?

Yes, I grounded myself.

[Clacking continues]

[Bell dings, carriage slides]

[Clacking continues]

[Gas hisses]

[Bell dings, carriage slides]


[Clacking continues]

[Ice clattering]

[Bell dings, carriage slides]

[Clacking continues]

You got to stop putting bacon on the list, 'cause that cooler's looking like a trichinosis stew.

Perfect timing.

[Carriage slides]

Hmm. [Sighs]

"Professor Brans Vogelson."


"University of Helsinki"?

Yeah, you're gonna have to get that translated.

Into Swedish?


Finnish, uh, translating into...


I'm sure there's someone at UNM who can do that.

You do know I'm trying to start a legal practice, right?

Vogelson's been working on the effects of electromagnetic fields on zebra fish... And, oh!

Financial Times.

[Breathes deeply]

Yeah, I knew you missed it, so I figured, "what the heck?"

Thank you. I know it's expensive.

Here. [Clears throat]

That's not... It's all right.

I don't expect you to go out of pocket.


Go ahead... Reimburse yourself.

[Clicks tongue]


Hey, Chuck, um, can you not read that for a second?

Can we talk?

Are you all right?

You look peaked.

I'm fine. Please, just sit.

You're not in trouble.

Um... You got to cash out.

You got to.

Again? Really? There's no other way.

I know that you don't want to hear it, but you've got to.

You know I'm going to b*at this.

You know I'm going to get better.

Yeah, sure.

[Chuckling] Well, then, there's nothing more to talk about.

I will b*at this.

Ergo, a falsis principiis proficisci.


That's not...


That's the one about false principles, but it's not...

You proceed from false principles.

Your argument is built on quicksand.

Therefore, it collapses.

Yeah, yeah. You're not listening.

[Sighs] Fine.

Let's take this to its logical conclusion.


In order to pay out my share, suppose my partners are forced to liquidate the firm.

Then what?

That's their problem.

My clients are out in the cold.

My cases are scattered to the winds.

126 people lose their jobs.

What happens to your cronies in the mailroom, the assistants, the paralegals, the janitorial staff?

All of them, out on the street.

Your friend Kim... a promising career... over and done with.

Hamlin owes you everything.

You built that place single-handedly while he was out at four hills working on his bunker sh*t.

Let's not exaggerate. I helped. You helped.



All the more reason not to tear it down just for a little bit of cash.

Look... Chuck, I'm going under, okay?

For the third time with these bull-crap contract counsel...

"Bull crap"?

Bull-crap, pissant P.D.

Cases at 700 bucks a sh*t.

Public-defender work is some of the best experience there is.

I just had a case, Chuck, with three clients...

Uh, arraignments, voir dire, jury trial...

The whole nine yards.

You know what I took home? 700 bucks.

Yeah, I might as well head down to skid row and sell plasma.

You're representing people who have nowhere else to turn.

The money is beside the point.

Money is not beside the point... Money is the point.

I keep telling you... Have patience.

There are no shortcuts.

Do good work, and the clients will come.

The clients will come. Yeah, I know.


Hand to God, I wasn't gonna say this, but you are broke.

I can't carry both of us.

I've been trying like hell, but I can't.

[Chuckling] Well, you're saying what?

You think you have to provide for me?

I never asked you that. You didn't have to ask, okay?

I've been doing my damnedest, but the day of reckoning is here.

Soon, Chuck, you're gonna be out on the street with all the electromagnetism in the world raining down on you.

Now, please, please, picture that, then tell me that money is beside the point.

This is what has you all worked up?


Jimmy... There's nothing to worry about.


What is this?

A stipend... There's gonna be one every week.

$857 from Hamlin, Hamlin, Mcgill?

I'm gonna pay them back... Every penny.

I didn't want to take anything, but Howard was very insistent.

And I'm gonna pay you back, too.

Wait, Hamlin was here?

It's not like I'm a recluse.

What? He put his cellphone in the mailbox?

He understands the situation.

He grounded himself?

Of course.

And the two of you agreed that since, as everybody knows, you're going back to work any day now, that the firm should help you make ends meet.

That's correct, minus the sarcasm.

Hamlin's making you a chump!

I'm going to get better!

I'm gonna go back to work, and I'm picking up where I left off!


[Chuckles, sighs]

[Clock ticking]


Sorry, Chuck.

[Inhales deeply]

I understand that you're trying to look out for me, but you're missing the bigger picture.

I got it.

[Sighs] Speaking of which...

Howard brought this.

He's concerned.


You have to admit... It could be confusing...

Hamlin, Hamlin, Mcgill?

James M. Mcgill?

That's my name.

I was born with it. I...


How about Vanguard law?

Or gi... Gibraltar legal... Wait, wait.

So I'm not supposed to use my name o... On Hamlin's say-so?

What's he gonna do... Sue me?

Nobody wants to create an adversarial situation.

I'm sure Howard would gladly pay the cost of new matchbooks and so on.


It's simply a matter of professional courtesy.

[Ticking continues]

Chuck, whose side are you on?

There are no sides.

But, Jimmy... [sighs]

Wouldn't you rather build your own identity?

Why ride on someone else's coattails?


[Insects chirping]

You want to dance, Howard?

[Chuckles] Let's dance.


No, you can get closer than that, you bitch.

Come on.

And here it comes.

There you go. Better.

[Cheering in distance]

How was that?

It's right on here. Take a look.

Still, tighter is everything.

Tighter? What? T... Tighter what?

I don't know. Just stand... Tighter.

You know what I mean? I don't know what you mean.

That sucked. We can call that a stylistic choice, I guess, if you want to...

Hey, fellas.

We got business.

How did you find us?

I know... Eerie, right.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on. Give me 30 seconds.

Could be the most profitable 30 seconds of your lives.

[Indistinct conversations]

Let me tell you about a young guy...

Actually, he's about your age.

He lived a long way from here in a town called Cicero, Illinois.

And in Cicero, he was the man.

I mean, when he strolled down the street, all the corner boys would give him the high five.

All the finest babes would smile at him and hope that he would smile back.

They called him "slippin' Jimmy," and everybody wanted to be his friend.

"Slippin' Jimmy"?

What the hell kind of name is [chuckling] that?

Well, I'll tell you, now...

Winters in Cicero are m*rder. [Chuckles]

You guys growing up out here in the golden west...

Y... You don't know, okay?

I'm talking cold that'll freeze the snot right in your nose.

I'm talking wind that'll cut through your jacket and carve you up like a Ginsu kn*fe.

In fact, most folks in Cicero were scared of winter, but not Jimmy.

Jimmy waited around all summer, and when September finally rolled around and he'd feel that first cold wind come sweeping off lake Michigan, he knew it was coming.

Was it Christmas? Was it Kwanzaa?

Better... It was slip 'n fall season.

Soon as it was cold enough, he'd find a nice, smooth patch of ice.

State street was good. Michigan Avenue was better.

He'd pick his spot, wait for it to get busy, then he'd walk out on the ice, and... Boom!

He would biff it so hard, people would come running from five blocks away.

Yeah, but did he collect?

"Did he collect?"

Slippin' Jimmy had it dialed in, all right?

One good fall... He'd clear 6, 8 grand.

That'd keep him in old Milwaukee and Maui Wowie right through labor day.

8 grand?

8 grand.

Now, see, I look at you guys, I see potential.

The skateboard's a nice wrinkle...

That makes it a year-round gig.

And clearly, you know how to take a header, right?

But I got to ask you... Your best day ever, how much did you clear?

$630. $630.

[Scoffs] 630 bucks.

Was that for one fall?

Two. Two falls in one day. [Chuckles]

Even at your age, that's got to hurt.

True that.

All right, well, I got a job for you.

How's 2 grand sound?

2 grand for one hit?

One hit.

Plus, you get to learn from the best.

Nice boat.

Yeah, discreet, like a stripper pole in a mosque.

Yeah, forget the boat. Look at the car.

You know what that is?

I don't know. A station wagon?

It's a Mercury, a 1988 Mercury sable wagon.

Remember it. Burn it into your brains. You got it?

It's a Mercury sable wagon, sure.

Jimmy: Close your eyes. What color is it?



No, it's medium sandalwood. Keep your eyes closed.

How does the license plate start?



Give those gentlemen a gold star.

Betsy Kettleman's her name.

Every weekday between 2:25 and 2:50, she comes through here on her way to pick up her kids at Kit Carson Elementary.

Now, you need a place where she's gonna slow down...

Am I right?


All right. Well, there you go. She slows down.

She hangs a right. You come sh**ting out of there.

You do what you did to me. You go ass over teakettle.

You make it a blue-ribbon special.

When she gets out of the car, you're sufferin' St. Sebastian, right?

You're the hammer, okay? You get in her face.

You scare the bejesus out of her.

Give me your phone. [Sniffs]

It's kind of busy here, don't you think?


Well, witnesses are good.

[Indistinct conversation] Witnesses are pressure, all right?

Now, once you've got her good and rattled, then you call for an ambulance, but really, you're calling for me.

I'm number one on your speed dial, right next to your weed dealer.

You call me. I hotfoot it over here.

I just "happen" to be driving by.

I stop to see what the trouble is, and this is the most important part... You don't know me.

We've never met. You got it?



Now, I'm Mrs. K's white knight. We go mano a mano.

You light into me, okay? Get nasty. And no touching.

Leave the hair alone.

But otherwise, you know, open season.

Yell. Stomp. Call me a douche bag.

I'm gonna play it cool, give you back some of the razzmatazz.

And once she's seen the fireworks, you fold like a lawn chair...

Happy ending.

When do we get our money?


After. After.

You get paid when I get paid.

I'm the rising tide that raises all dinghies.

Now, pop quiz... What's the car?

Mercury sable wagon.

Baby-poop brown.

Okay. Do you know me?

No. No.

Damn straight. Go with God.

Jimmy: Well, I'm just glad I happened to be passing by.

Happy to be of help, Betsy. May I call you "Betsy"?

[Clears throat] Please, call me "James."

Hmm. Oh, the kid will be fine. Don't worry.

He just got his bell rung a little.

I'll... I'll handle that. Oh, no.

Oh, no, no.

I wouldn't think of, uh, taking your money for this.

The embezzlement case?

[Engine turns over]

Mm, yes, I'd... I'd be happy to talk it over.

[Chuckles] Oh, shit.



Two-minute warning. Two-minute warning.

Got it.

[Breathing heavily]

[Tires screech]

[Woman screams]

Oh, my God!

Man: What happened?

[Crowd murmuring]

Woman: Call 911.

Oh, my God! Cal! Cal!

Look at me! Are you okay?!

Buddy, say something. Cal, what are you...

[Groans] Come on already.

What is she doing in there?

I don't know. Shh.

Is she making a sandwich?

Where's her sense of responsibility?

[Tires squeal]



Hey! What the f...

Funny to run into you, Betsy.

I was just, uh, strolling the neighborhood.

You... You were in accident.

Oh, it's... [sighing]

Come on.

[Breathes deeply]

[Cellphone rings]



Lars: She took off on us.

She what?

It was textbook, man.

We were diamonds, but then she just took off.

Okay, wait. She... She hit-and-run?

That's what I'm saying. She bailed and wailed.

O... okay. Just stay where you are. I'll come get you.

No, no, no. Screw that, man.

[Engine sputters]

We're following her.

You're... How are... You're following her how?

We got our ways, yo.

Okay, okay, okay, new plan... New plan. You do know me.

I'm your lawyer. You got that? I'll meet you at the school.

No, she's way past the school.

[Engine grinding]

She hooked a left on Juan tabo, and she's coming into holiday park.

Okay, stay with her.

When she gets where she's going, wherever that is, just don't do anything.

Wait for me.

Wait for what?

You haven't been right even once!

Slippin' Jimmy, my ass!

You fell into the honeypot, kid.

You get it? Hit-and-run is a felony.

So what?


"So what?" So more money.

[Engine sputtering]

He says we fell in the honeypot. He says "more money."

So what do we need him for?

Cal? Lars? Whoever... Oh, damn it!


[Sighs] Come on. Come on!


[Engine sputters]

Lars: Do it. Do it. Do it.

Son of a bitch! [Grunts]

[Engine sputtering]

Come on!

Come on!

[Engine turns over]

[Tires squealing]

[Brakes squeal]

[Dogs barking in distance]

[Skateboards approaching]

Hey. Hey, your leg. Oh, I'm gonna do this one.


Hey! Aah! Aah!

Hey, yo, hold up.

Hey, yeah, you... What is the matter with you?

You hit-and-run.

You ran him over. You felonied my brother.

Que pasa?

Habla English.

We call... We call La policia.

La policia gonna be pissed.

I see you hit him. Wham! Aah.

You see that... That windshield? You did that.

No entiendo. No entiendo.

I did that.

You did that to me. You did that. Now you pay.

No, señor. No, señor. No entiendo.

Make... make with the dinero.



Si, righteous dinero.


Y... Si.

Okay. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Talking about.


Let's go.



Is that money?


Mijo... [Speaks spanish]

[Breathing heavily]

Watch this step.

Aah. Watch this... Watch this step.


[Door closes]

[Tires screech]

Where are you? [Sighs]

Holiday park. [Sniffs]

Mrs. Kettleman, Betsy.

What are you doing here? [Sighs]

Hit-and-run? That's very serious.

I can... I can mediate.

It's... I represent their parents, so...

Come on. Come on.

[Tires screech]

[Tires screech]

[Car door creaks]

[Breathing deeply]

[Sighs, sniffs]

Open up! Officer of the court!

Open up in the name of the law!

[Sniffs, sighs]

Good afternoon. This...

[Breathing heavily]

[Birds chirping]

[Crow caws]