01x10 - Marco

[Coins clatter]

Oh, Jesus.

It can't be done.

Marco: You sure about that?

Ah. There's a trick, huh?

There's got to be.

[Woman laughs]

This guy wouldn't be putting any money on it unless there's a trick, huh?

I'm telling you... it can't be done.

So you give up?

Yeah, all right.

The gators got you granny

Let's see it.

chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp
everybody said it was a shame
'cause her mama was a-workin' on the chain gang

[Scoffs] Wait. What?

No way!

Show me that again.

Sure. You got another $20?

[Groans]

Screw this.

Marco: Ah, don't go away mad.

Oh, hey, guys, you want to buy a Rolex?

Jimmy: Whoa, whoa. Hold on.

How much for that cheap piece of crap?

Look what the wind blew in.

Hey, Merna.

Holy crap.

Jimmy, my man, I said you would beat the rap.

Hey, Merna, set him up, would you?

Merna, no, thanks. I'm good.

No, go on. He don't mean it.

You just got out of jail. Come on.

You're... you're not gonna have a drink?

That'll be the day, huh?

Marco, settle down, okay? I'm in a rush.

My brother's outside in a taxi. The meter's running.

What... Chuck's outside?

Tell him to pull that broomstick out of his ass and get in here. I'm buying.

No. No, no, we got no time. We're catching a plane.

I came here to say goodbye.

I'm moving to Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Mexico? You skipped bail?

New Mexico...

You know, like, uh, Bugs Bunny and the Road Runner, you know?

Yeah. What are you gonna do there?

I'm gonna work at his law firm, like, in the mailroom.

It's a start, anyways.

[Chuckles] What? N... now you're talking crazy, man.

You just got out of jail. Now you want to go back?

Because working for him... That's all that is.

Marco... I was done.

You understand? I didn't beat the rap.

Chuck flew in and saved my ass.

It's time to make some changes.

Hey, listen, man. You're slippin' Jimmy.

What do you got to change, huh?

Everything. It's time to grow up.

Yeah, according to who... Chuck?

The same goes for you, man.

You want to spend the rest of your life on that stool?

I mean, come on, Marco. Look at yourself.

[Horn honks]

All right, that's him. I got to hit it.

Geez. His master's voice.

Really? Look, come on. Go outside.

Tell Chuckles that you... you got some business you forgot.

[Chuckling] Marco.

Come on.

You got to have one last blowout.

We'll do the watch thing again, but... but maybe we'll pull that, uh...

That tar-money scam you were talking about, get some girls...

I made a promise.

Yeah, you made a promise, but it was...

W... Whaddyamacallit? Under duress.

Look, he got you out of jail, okay?

But he's your brother. I mean, what else is he gonna do?

Marco, listen to me, all right?

Chuck's not making me do this.

He's giving me an opportunity, and I'm grabbing it.

Sure is mellow, glad that I'm her fellow
and I know that she knocks me off my feet

Geez, it's like watching Miles Davis give up the trumpet.

[Chuckling] What? What does that even mean?

It's just a waste, is all I'm saying.

[Horn honks]

[Sighs]

All right, look. I'm gonna fly out there.

I'm gonna get settled, and I'll call you. Yeah?

All right, Jimmy.

Hey, have a safe flight, all right?!

Yeah!
oh, my baby, when she walks by
All the fellows go, "ooh," and I know why
it's just because that girl...

Hey.

Hey.

What's up? [Sighs]

Just waiting to talk to Howard.

Can I ask about what?

I'm taking your advice.

I'm, uh, giving the case to HHM.

Why?

The fact that Chuck doesn't want me here has something to do with it.

I'm so sorry.

Why didn't you just tell me?

I just...

I didn't want you hating your own brother.

Howard: How did you find out?

Did Kim tell you?

I figured it out on my own.

[Chuckling] It's about time, right?

I brought the sandpiper stuff with me.

It's down in my car.

I figure your guys could do the outreach.

If any of those geezers don't want to sign with you, just give me their names.

I'll talk them into it.

You know, Jimmy, I never wanted it to go this way.

If it had been up to me, we would have at least...

Howard, I get it.

Your brother's very important to the firm.

Sorry I called you a pig fucker.

Well...

We owe you some money, don't we?

The of-counsel fee... I think we discussed $20,000.

That and whatever the common-fund proceeds of sandpiper ultimately adds up to, you'll receive 20% of that...

Should be a very nice payday for you when it comes.

Yep.

I've got something for you, too.

Uh, it's a shopping list for Chuck.

I mean, he's doing better, but he still needs deliveries every day.

I think he'd be more comfortable with someone else doing it.

I see.

You don't have to do it personally.

It just needs to get done.

It's pretty straightforward.

The ice is a pain in the ass, but he needs it.

I usually sneak into a motel and fill a garbage bag, but you can have whoever you hire just buy it.

The most important thing is the newspapers.

Uh, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal...

They're a must.

There's a newsstand on Eubank that has both of them at 6:00 A.M., which is good 'cause he's an early riser.

The Albuquerque Journal he gets delivered, but somebody still has to bring it in for him.

You've been doing all of this every day...

For over a year?

You'll take care of this?

Absolutely.

I'll get it done and done right.

[Paper rustling]

I always liked you, Jimmy.

Remember?

I used to call you "Charlie Hustle."

Yeah, I remember that.

[Tones play]

[Echoing thud]

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

That was nice.

You sure you're all right?

It's not a crime to let it out.

There's nothing to let out. Chuck's a sick man.

[Thud] That's no excuse.

[Sighs] He's my brother.

He thinks I'm a scumbag.

There's nothing I can do to change that.

What else is there to say?

Wow. That's mature.

Dalai Lama's got nothing on me.

[Balls clattering]

[Air rushes]

O-64, as in, "oh, to be 64 again!"

O-64.

[Indistinct conversations]

All right. Next up... We got... N-32.

"N" as in "Nancy... Reagan," a first lady with a lot of style.

Anybody else seen "Hellcats of the Navy"?

All right. No winners yet?

Okay, here's... B-2, just like the B-2 bomber, the stealth...

There's probably one taking off over at Kirtland right now.

We would never know because it's stealthy.

[Feedback]

Still no winners? No?

Here we have...

[Air rushes]

B-4, another "B." [Chuckles] How about that?

As in, "before too long, we're gonna have another winner."

No? Nobody? Okay.

All right. [Clears throat]

And here comes...

[Rumbling]

[Air rushes]

Hey, it's our old friend "B."

[Chuckles] B-12.

[Rumbling]

"B," as in, uh...

"B," as in...

"Betrayal"...

Benedict Arnold betrayed The United States.

Still no winners.

No? [Exhales sharply]

[Feedback] Okay.

Here it is.

[Rumbling]

[Air rushes]

Oh, what are the odds?

Four B's in a row. That's...

[Chuckles]

B-7.

"B" as in...

"B" as in..."Brother"... brother.

B-7... "Seven brides for seven brothers."

I'm sure a lot of you have brothers.

It's not like mine, though.

Any winners yet?

Take a... take another look, okay?

I'll wait.

All I'm gonna say is, if it's another "B," could have a real problem here.

[Balls clattering]

[Rumbling]

And...

[air rushing]

[Chuckling] Hey, it is another "B."

B-5, as in,

"boy, this 'B' thing is really starting to tick me off."

"B" as in "battleship." "B" as in "bourbon."

"B" as in "Belize"... Beautiful place, so I've heard.

I would love to go there.

But, uh, let's face it... That's never gonna happen.

None of us is ever leaving this godforsaken wasteland.

Sorry.

Scratch that. Moving on.

[Air rushes]

I mean, what is it with this place?

It's... it's like living inside an easy-bake oven.

I mean, look out that window.

It's... it's like a soulless, radioactive Georgia O’Keeffe hellscape out there, crawling with coral snakes and scorpions and...

You ever see the movie "The Hills Have Eyes"?

It's a documentary! [Chuckles]

God forbid your car breaks down...

You have to walk 10 steps.

You got a melanoma the size of a pineapple where your head used to be.

And so you ask, "why?" Why?

If... if that's how I feel, why do I live here?

Why?! [Feedback]

Man: Excuse me.

Are you gonna read that number?

Yeah. I'm gonna read your number.

And it's another "B." [Laughs]

It's another frigging "B." Boy, of course.

Why not? Why not?!

[Sighs] And the next number...

Uh, quick question...

Who here knows what a Chicago sunroof is?

Anybody?

You, sir? No? Okay.

True story... uh, back home, uh, there was this guy named Chet.

Now, Chet was a real asshole.

He might have owed me some money.

He might have slept with my wife...

Before she became my ex-wife.

The details don't matter.

Suffice it to say, I was wronged.

All right, so, one summer evening, I was out having a few drinks... One or two, maybe three.

[Chuckles] You get the picture?

And, uh, who do I see? Chet.

He drove up, and he double-parked outside a dairy queen and went in to get some soft-serve.

Now, Chet drove... And this will give you an idea of exactly what kind of a douchebag this guy was...

Drove a white pearlescent BMW 7 series with white leather interior.

[Chuckles] So, I saw that thing, and I had... I'd had a few, like I said.

And, uh... I climbed up top, and I may have...

Defecated, uh, through the sunroof.

Not my finest hour... I'll grant you that.

But that's what a Chicago sunroof is.

Now you know. [Chuckles] It's a real thing.

I didn't make it up. I'm not the first person to do it.

There's a name for it.

Guy wanted some soft-serve... I gave him some soft-serve.

I did not know that his children were in the backseat.

There was a level of tint on the windows that I'll maintain to this day was not legal in an Illinois-licensed vehicle.

But somehow, that's on me, I guess.

Who leaves two cub scouts in a double-parked car with the engine running?!

Come on.

Now, Chet was connected, see?

Like, uh, Cicero connected.

So, usually, I'd be looking at malicious mischief, public intoxication, disorderly conduct, maybe, but he's got the D.A. saying indecent exposure, calling me a s*x offender. What?

One little Chicago sunroof, and suddenly I'm Charles Manson?!

And that's where it all went off the rails.

I've been paying for it ever since.

That's why I'm here!

I don't...

[Breathing raggedly]

You know what? [Sniffs]

Any of this stuff you want, come get it.

Kitty-cat notebooks for everybody.

[Feedback]

♪ When I look out my window ♪
♪ there's so many sights to see ♪
♪ and when I look in my window ♪
yeah
there are so many people to be
that it's strange
yeah
I think it's strange right now
you've got to pick up every stitch

[Sighs]

What can I get you?

Old style.

Make it two.

You got it.

You've got to pick up every stitch

What happened to Merna?

Merna?

She's doing all right.

She's my step-mom.

She don't come in much anymore.

Yeah, must be the season

Tell her slippin' Jimmy says hello.

Slippin' Jimmy?

Yeah, she'll know.

I'll tell her. That'll be $5.50.

[Sighs]

When I look over my shoulder

[High-pitched voice] Marco...

You gorgeous hunk of a man...

How long will you keep me waiting?

[Normal voice] Mnh! Wake up, you fat son of a bitch.

Bought you a beer.

Over his shoulder at me

Jimmy?

In the flesh.

[Chuckles]

And it's strange

Hey. [Chuckles]

Jimmy: [Chuckles] So, I'm not dark enough for you, huh?

Marco: No, no. I'm just saying I don't see any color.

I mean, 10 years in the desert, you should look like, uh, Anthony Quinn in "Lawrence of Arabia."

[As Auda Abu Tayi] Turks... They paid me a golden treasure!

[As Auda Abu Tayi] Yet I am poor...

Because I am a...

River to my people!

River to my people!

[Chuckles] Well, hey, I'm Irish, okay?

I spend my time staying out of the sun.

[Chuckles] Speaking of pale sons of bitches, how's your brother doing?

Chuck's fine.

Still working for him?

[Clicks tongue] Sometimes.

I said, my every thought keeps on

What about you... I mean, besides falling asleep on a bar at 4:00 on a Wednesday afternoon?

"Lake Michigan Standpipe"?

What's that?

My brother-in-law owns the company.

Wait. Hold it. You got married?

No, no, no. My... my... My sister Angie's husband.

[Chuckles] Ah.

So, what the hell's a standpipe?

Standpipe... You know what a standpipe is.

I don't think so.

Fire department comes.

They stick one end of the hose on the hydrant.

The other end goes on the standpipe.

The water goes out the standpipe, through the sprinklers, and then douses the flames.

It's important stuff.

So, that's what a standpipe is, huh?

Well, it's a dry standpipe. There's also the wet standpipe.

What's the difference?

I don't know I-if I could explain it to a layman.

[Coughs]

[Clearing throat]

Excuse me. How's your mom?

Oh, she passed away about three years ago.

Ah. That's too bad. She was a great lady.

Yeah. From Wisconsin, right?

Yeah.

The funeral out there?

I said, my every thought keeps on

No, it was... Here.

Here?

Yeah, well, we were only in town for a few days, so...

You were in town. You didn't look me up?

[Sighs]

Chuck was in the middle of a big case, and, uh, we couldn't stay around, so...

Bartender: Can I get you guys anything else?

I'm good. You want anything?

Nah. Your change here, too.

Uh, yeah, okay. Hey.

Thank you. [Sighs]

Yeah, yeah, yeah

[Breathes deeply]

When you're cold, and you need someone to keep you warm

How's my cutlass running?

Gets me around.

Well, it's a classic.

Shelter from the storm

Little bodywork, paint job... Really be something.

Well, you can write it down

So, what you gonna do while you're here?

[Inhales sharply] I don't know.

See the sights, you know, catch a Cubbies game from the bleachers, get a hot dog at Henry's.

[Door opens]

[Horn honks]

Cameron: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Uh-huh.

When you need a little help, call on me

[Door closes]

Correct.

[Sighs] I'm gonna see them tomorrow.

Yeah, both of them.

I'm gonna love you, baby, sweet and tenderly

Okay. Okay, bye.

Is he a regular?

No.

In your darkest hour, I'm your brightest day

You're buying, I'm selling.

Each and every way, yeah
I'm the one who loves you

All right, then.

I'm the one who loves you
I'm the one who loves you
I'm the one who loves you
I'm the one who loves you

All I'm asking is that you take a look.

I'm sorry, buddy... no offense.

I'm just... you know, I'm not interested.

[Sighs] Come on, man.

What's it gonna hurt to take a look?

It'll take you two seconds.

[Chuckles] All right.

All right. Show me what you got.

[Sighs]

Boom.

Okay.

Do you see it?

I see a Kennedy half-dollar.

Which way is he facing?

JFK's facing left.

[Chuckling] Exactly.

Hey, which way is he supposed to be facing?

Right... he's supposed to be facing right.

Okay, so why... Why is this one facing left?

[Scoffs]

November 22, 1963... Kennedy is assassinated, right?

The whole nation goes into mourning.

They start naming everything in sight after him.

And the mint wants in on the act.

So, in '64, they decide to change the Lincoln half-dollar into the Kennedy half-dollar.

When they design it, they put Kennedy facing right, facing east, just the way they had Lincoln.

You know why?

Mnh-mnh.

He symbolizes the dawn.

It's why pretty much every grave everywhere faces east, you know?

So the spirit of the dead person faces the rising sun.

You know, it's a death thing. It's a burial thing.

But there's one technician in the Denver mint, right?

And this guy... he believed in, uh, the new frontier...

Camelot, the whole deal.

So, the assassination just destroyed him.

When he sees that coin with Kennedy facing east, facing the American past, pissed him off.

And so he went rogue.

Without telling anybody, he flipped things around so that Kennedy was facing west, towards the new frontier, the future.

Now, the mint struck about 3,000 of these before they figured it out.

They canned the guy.

About 1,000 of them made it out into general circulation.

They managed to get most of them back, melt them down, but... There are still... [inhales sharply] 200-plus floating around out there.

[Chuckles, snorts]

What's that? I didn't catch that.

I didn't say anything.

Do you mind, buddy?

We're having a private conversation here.

[Sighs]

This one's not in perfect condition, but [breathes deeply] on the open market, I'd say it's worth... 600 or 800 bucks.

$800?

Yeah, but [inhales sharply] I'm hard up, so I'll take, uh, $100 for it.

You want me to give you $100 for a half-dollar.

I want you to give me $100 for an $800 coin.

Yeah, I don't know, man. You know?

I'm gonna go drain the snake. Think about it.

[Chuckles]

This guy's playing me, right?

Definitely.

[Sighs] Slick son of a bitch.

You know, I should...

You know what? I know this guy on wabash...

Coin dealer, a friend of my uncle's.

Hey, Joey, can I use your phone?

Local call. Keep it short.

Right on.

Let's see. Man.

I'm gonna call this guy, and when he tells me this is a scam, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna call the cops and get this scumbag thrown in the can.

You're my witness, okay?

Facing west. [Chuckles]

My hairy ass. [Clears throat]

Hey. How you doing?

Yeah, it's Alvin, Dave Tanner's nephew.

[Chuckles] Yeah, mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, this is gonna sound like the beginning of a bad joke, but, uh, I'm in this bar, and I've got this guy spinning this cock-and-bull story about this, uh, 50-cent piece he's trying to sell me. He says, uh... Says Kennedy's supposed to be facing west or something.

Yeah

Yeah?

Yeah. [Clears throat]

Mm-hmm.

Woman: At the tone, the time will be 5:11 P.M.

Yeah. That's what he said... Denver.

[Scoffs] Jesus. No kidding?

At the tone...

Well, listen, I got to go.

All right? Uh, thank you.

And I owe you one. [Chuckles]

[Clears throat] Thanks, Joey.

So, what did he say?

Yeah, you know, he... He didn't really know much.

I'll tell you what... I'll give you $50 for it.

$50? I'm taking a bath at $100.

A-all right. Okay.

Look, I got... $64 right here.

It's an $800 coin, okay?

I'm not gonna sell it to you for $64.

Okay, if you wait for me, I'll get you 100 bucks.

I don't know.

Okay.

[Whistles]

Hey, buddy, I got 75 bucks right here.

I... I... sorry. I need $100.

Hey, slick, nobody's talking to you.

Mind your own business, okay?

Come on.

Cash money... $80.

[Sighs]

Look, if you give me a chance, I'll be back with $110.

How long will that be?

I don't know. I got to catch a train, come back... Hour, hour and a half at the most.

Yeah, you know, this guy was getting ready to call the cops on you.

No, I was not.

What? Why would you do that? That...

Now this guy is making sh1t up!

Hey, I got $110 right here. That's...

Sold.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no.

This guy's got the cash. Now...

Don't do that.

Here, take care of that.

That's history right there.

Hey, you can't do that.

Hey, money talks.

[Chuckling] You lost. It's over.

No, it's not over. No, that's crap.

And where do you think you're going, huh?

Hey, back off, dude.

Yeah, I'll back off when you give me the JFK back.

Hey, Joey, call the cops.

This guy just tried to rip me off.

Hey, this guy's a liar. I did not rip anybody off.

Yes, you did!

You come back in here, and your ass is grass!

I got friends, buddy!

Do you hear me?! You double-dealing b*st*rd!

I got friends!

[Both laugh]

You are so beautiful!

Mwah! [Laughs]

Hey, everybody, next round's on us!

All right. Are you listening?

Can you keep a secret?

Yeah. Absolutely.

Okay, his name is Idi Abbassi.

[Clears throat] He's 27 years old.

He's a Nigerian prince, all right?

He's worth, conservatively, $400 million.

The dictatorship of equatorial Uqbar Orbis is detaining him on trumped-up charges.

Now, the Abbassi family... They're going crazy.

They will reward whoever helps them get their boy back.

The hitch is, the banks have frozen their...

Assets... I'm talking Irish sweeps tickets, a whole trunk full of 'em.

They're just sitting at O'Hare, impounded in customs.

Now, I know what you're saying... "So what?"

I can leave this as security, but you got to understand...

This violin is my livelihood. It's a valuable antique.

What do you mean it doesn't belong to you?

I'll pay you 900 bucks for this... cash on the barrel.

I don't know. I hate to part with it.

It's been in my family for years.

You can keep a secret, right?

Man: Yeah, absolutely.

But the point is, you need a good front, so you're gonna have the most return on your dollars.

But I know this customs officer...

That money, then make it an investment.

If the price is right.

And I'm all about investments, all about what's coming next.

Hey, kid, help me get my wife's car out of this bad neighborhood.

Sir, sir, could you help me?

Tell me... are these today's numbers?

Now, none of this was strictly legal, and the import taxes would have been a killer... have at it.

So he had to find a way to get the money into the country without anyone knowing about it.

Marco: He coated the cash with this black stuff...

Vectrol paste.

And the only way to get it off is with a special chemical.

It's not cheap, but the upside?

The upside is huge. [Chuckles]

Can you keep a secret?

You know, the guy in "dances with wolves"?

[Laughter]

A guy like you, who's got some money, who's got some money to throw around...

Now, I know what you're saying... "Who cares?"

No matter which one wins, we're gonna get a piece.

He's got a gambling problem.

Nobody can ever come after you, but you get the profit.

The price is right.

It's a win-win for you.

It's a lose-lose for everybody else.

You want to tell the guy you've got a 14.

He checks...

Realizes he's... It's not gonna just be you.

It's gonna be a piece of the pie.

But you're gonna own a full mountain range, guaranteed.

Can you keep...

A secret?

'Cause I really...

Really shouldn't...

Shouldn't be telling you this.

Hey.

Hey.

[Scoffs]

You are not Kevin Costner.

I was last night.

Jesus.

Asshole.

I mean, seriously?

[Scoffs] Oh, my God.

Lucianne?! Lucianne!

Lucianne: What?

He's not Kevin Costner.

What?!

Well, who's this guy?

Uh, not Kevin Costner's manager.

Oh, come on. Come on. Let's go.

Uh, hang on. Got to get my dress on.

Come on. Get the hell out of this dump.

[Sighs]

So, are you sure he's not a manager?

Yes, Luci, I am sure.

But he said he was gonna give me his card.

Does this look like a manager's place?

Maybe.

Can I interest you ladies in some mimosas?

[Sighs] At least stick around long enough to get dressed.

Oh, oh. Screw you.

If you build it, I will come.

Lucy, come on.

Okay. Bye.

[Doorknob rattling]

Come on.

[Inhales sharply] That door sticks.

[Rattling continues]

Yeah, okay. I got it.

Okay.

[Grunts] Go. Go.

Okay.

[Door slams]

[Door slams]

[Clattering]

[Sighing]

[Cellphone clatters]

[Cellphone beeps]

[Speed-dialing]

Woman: You have 15 messages.

[Beep] Greta: This is Greta Muller.

I wanted to check to see if my wi...

[Beep]

Gary: My name's Gary Albert Arnold.

I'd like to discuss making a...

[Beep] Woman: Hi, Mr. McGill.

I'm calling on behalf of my mother.

She's in assisted living, and...

[Beep]

[Marco coughing]

Manny: Uh, yes, Mr. McGill, this is Manny Hollinger...Again.

[Clears throat] Uh, I hate to...

[Sighs] So, what's it gonna be today, pal?

[Beep]

I'm up for anything and everything.

Marco, I'm sorry. I got to go back.

What?

[Chuckles]

Uh, it's be great, and I appreciate your hospitality, but a week's gonna have to do it.

I got to go home.

I already called in sick.

[Sighs] Come on, man.

This is home. Y-you hate it out there.

What do you got to go back to?

My clients.

[Chuckling] Clients.

What... what are you... Like a gigolo or something?

Uh, Marco... [clears throat]

I'm a lawyer.

What?

Honest to God.

I do elder law, which is like wills and estates.

So you're ripping off old people?

No, I'm not ripping off old people.

I'm not ripping off anybody.

Holy crap. Slippin' Jimmy's a lawyer?

[Laughs] No wonder you want to go back.

I mean, you got to be king of the desert, driving around town in a white caddy, making bank.

I'm not making bank.

I'm making a living, more or less.

A living?

All due respect, you're a lawyer and you're not making bank, you're doing it wrong.

Well, I'm building something. Takes time.

Well, you're gonna build something, build it out here.

I mean, lawyers in Chicago make plenty... I assure you.

Yeah, I don't know what to tell you, Marco. I...

Chuck's in Albuquerque.

Again, all due respect... Chuck's a stuck-up douchebag.

I hate to break it to you, but he doesn't even like you.

He's my brother.

[Sighs]

Okay. [Chuckles]

I... I get it... family.

You got to go back. But...

Remember this?

The rolex thing. What...

Whatever happened to the guy who used to sell us those?

Jin Kang? He got deported.

This is the last one. I say we go for it.

No. Oh, come on.

Last time, we did what? $600?

The hot streak we're on, I bet we break a grand, easy.

I could lend you some cash.

I don't need the money, Jimmy.

I need this.

Come on.

You say you're happy doing wills or whatever, good for you, man, seriously.

But I got to tell you...

Standpipes ain't cutting it for me, man.

I got nothing, Jimmy.

Give me this.

Give me this, man.

I can't do it.

Come on. Give me this.

Marco. Give me this.

Come on. Come on. Buddy, listen to me.

I'm listening. Come on.

Hey. Just one last time.

Come on. I'm not being hypnotized.

No? [Laughs] Okay. Come on, one more time.

I can't do it.

Just one more... one more.

Hey, listen to me. Just listen to you.

Yeah, I'm listening. Come on.

No.

[Sighs]

[Tires screech in distance]

[To tune of "Smoke on the Water"] ♪ dun, dun, dun ♪
♪ dun, dun, dun, dun-dun ♪
♪ ba, ba, ba ♪
♪ ba, ba, ba-dun ♪
♪ ba, ba, ba ♪
♪ ba, ba ♪

[Coughing]

[Howling in distance]

Yeah!

It's got to come from the gut, man.

Kevin: Yeah. Yeah.

[Chuckles]

[Howls]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Howls]

Just like a wolf. Go ahead.

[Howls]

No, deeper, deeper.

[Howls]

Yeah, and you do that right at the moment of, you know, pure joy...

Yeah... And it will escalate it 10...

[Howls]... 10 times.

There's something...

Hey.

It's prehistoric.

Hey, hey. Look.

[Train whistle blows in distance]

[Chuckles]

$50, $200, $400.

Whose is it? I don't know.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

There's got to be 1,000 bucks in here.

[Chuckles] Somebody must have...

Oh.

Oh, damn.

Is he, uh...

I don't know.

[Board clatters]

Hey, buddy, you with us?

Look, the guy's just had too many.

I say we move on. You want to split this?

Marco, you okay?

Marco?

What... do you know this guy?

Hey, call 911.

Call 911!

Hey!

[Dialing]

I need an ambulance.

My friend's having a heart attack.

[Sighs] We're in an alley, uh, southeast of Lasalle and Shermer.

No, I-i don't know.

He was like this when I found him.

[Gasps]

Hey, hold...

Marco, Marco, you with me?

You with me? [Slurring] I screwed up.

No, you did... you did good, buddy.

Just hold on, all right? They're on their way.

They'll be here in a minute.

Jimmy, you know what?

Just s-save your breath, okay?

You're gonna be fine.

This was the greatest week of my life.

[Chuckles]

[Laughs]

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hang in there! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey, wake up, man!

Come on! Marco, buddy!

[Panting]

Help!

[Panting]

Anybody!

[Grunting]

Marco!

[Organ music playing]

Hey, Jimmy.

Oh, hey, bud.

Can I bum one?

Is that his?

Yeah. His mom gave it to me.

Thought it looked familiar.

I figured I'd wear it today, but [clicks tongue] I don't know.

I'm not a big ring guy, so...

[Sighs]

Still. Could be worth a couple of bucks.

Better head back.

See you inside.

[Cellphone ringing]

Hey.

Kim: Is this Ferris Bueller?

Speaking.

[Chuckles]

I don't want to interrupt your big day off.

Just checking in. What are you up to?

You know, burning down the place.

I wouldn't expect any less.

So, whatever it was, did you get it out of your system?

Yep, all gone.

Good. I want to run something by you.

The sandpiper case... It's getting too big for hhm.

Howard's decided to partner with another firm.

Davis and Main. You heard of them?

Sure, up in Santa Fe.

Right.

Well, they've heard of you, too, and they're interested.

They want to make you an offer contingent on an interview.

They've got a partner-track position in mind.

Wait. [Chuckles] What?

Partner track? What are you talking about?

I'm talking about there's an office in Santa Fe with your name on it, or there could be, and you'd be working on your case.

[Chuckles] I... well, I...

I don't even, uh...

Chuck wouldn't like it.

Chuck has no say in this.

You wouldn't be working for HHM, and Chuck can't tell Davis and Main who to hire.

Why me?

Is this like a tax write-off or a charity thing?

What's the angle, huh?

Jimmy, we've been talking to your clients, the sandpiper residents, and they ask about you every chance they get.

I don't know what it is, but you have a way with them.

[Chuckles] Hey. Old people love me.

So... Sounds good?

[Chuckles]

Kim, I can't imagine what you did to make this happen.

Thank you.

I didn't do anything... much.

And believe it or not, Howard's been pushing this, too.

Good, old Howard.

Listen, we're gonna be down in judge Murray's court on Thursday at 11:00.

The Davis and Main people will be there.

It'd be the perfect chance for you to meet them.

Thursday at 11:00. All right, I'll be there.

Thanks, Kim, really.

I'll see you then.

[Cellphone beeps]

[Sighs]

Chuck: All the originals need to be copied and filed.

See, I've written right here on the box... "Copy and file."

That's to make it as clear as possible.

Got it, Mr. Mcgill. Anything else?

[Clears throat]

Well, on the grocery front,

almost everything was right this time.

Great.

Almost.

Um, it's a small thing, but to my taste, the, uh, Granny Smith apples are a bit too tart.

Those are the green ones, right?

Right.

I prefer the red ones, but not red delicious.

Those are generally tasteless.

Fujis should be in season.

[Chuckles] It's not a major issue, but...

Yeah.

Fuji apples.

Okay.

Oh, and I'd like to try soy milk, so maybe a half gallon of that.

You got it.

Well, thank you, Ernesto.

I appreciate your attention to detail.

Do you need to write any of this down?

'Cause it's okay if you do.

You know, just to be sure.

[Pen clicks]

So, Fuji apples.

[Insects chirping]

Hey, Ernie.

Hey. How you doing, man?

Good, good.

So, Howard's got you looking after Chuck, huh?

Yeah. It's a few extra bucks, you know?

How's he doing?

Seems okay, like usual.

I'd say we could grab a beer, but they're waiting on all that paperwork back at the office...

You know how it is.

Don't I, though? [Chuckles]

See you, Jimmy.

Uh, see you 'round, ernie.

[Keys jingling]

[Car door opens]

[Car door closes]

[Engine turns over]

[Car departs]

[Engine turns over]

[Car departs]

You done business with him before?

Right.

Yeah. I'll be there.

[Brakes squeal]

[Buzzer]

Davis and Main and Mcgill.

[Chuckles]

Great to meet you. [Clears throat]

Nice to meet you, gentlemen.

[Coughs] It's good to meet you.

Nice...

[Horn honks]

[Brakes squeal]

Well, that was quick.

No charge.

Help me out here.

Did I dream it, or did I have $1,600,000 on my desk in cash?

When I close my eyes, I can still see it.

It's burned into my retinas like I was staring into the sun.

No one on God's green earth knew we had it.

We could have split it 50/50.

We could have gone home with $800,000 each, tax-free.

Your point being?

Why didn't we? What stopped us?

I remember you saying something about doing the right thing.

I don't even know what that means.

[Chuckles]

You want to know why I didn't take that money?

Is that what you're asking?

Yeah, that's what I'm asking.

Me, personally... I was hired to do a job.

I did it. That's as far as it goes.

Yeah. Well, I know what stopped me.

And you know what? It's never stopping me again.

[Engine revs]

[To tune of "Smoke on the Water"] ♪ mnh-mnh-mnh ♪
♪ mnh, mnh, mnh-mnh ♪
♪ mnh, mnh, mnh, mnh-mnh ♪

[ "Smoke on the Water" plays]

♪ mnh-mnh-mnh ♪
♪ mnh, mnh, mnh-mnh ♪
♪ mnh, mnh, mnh, mnh-mnh ♪