04x16 - The Fifth Halliwheel

[Alien Stalker]

Written by: Krista Vernoff

Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick

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[Scene: P3. Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Cole are there. Piper and Leo, and Phoebe and Cole are snuggled closely together while Paige sits by herself. The all clink their bottles.]

Phoebe: To our marriage.

(Phoebe nibbles on Cole's ear.)

Piper: Hey, this is supposed to be our anniversary.

Phoebe: Oh, right. Uh, to Piper and Leo's marriage. May ours be as successful as theirs.

Piper: Yeah, see that still didn't sound like it was about us.

(Phoebe giggles at Cole. Piper and Leo kiss. Paige starts to feel uncomfortable.)

Paige: Well, alright, everybody, I, uh, am gonna go, I'm tired.

Cole: Wait, you can't go yet, Paige. We haven't gotten to the good part.

Paige: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought watching you guys make out all night was supposed to be the highlight of my evening.

Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie, are we boring you?

Paige: No, no, it's just it is weird seeing a girl that wasn't the marrying type be so married.

Piper: Piper tried to tell me that it was going to be great and different.

Piper: Well, you just have to experience it and you'll understand.

(Phoebe and Cole kiss.)

Paige: Alright, so the good part?

Cole: Oh, yes, the good part.

(He hands Piper and Leo an envelope. They open it.)

Piper: Oh my god.

Leo: Cole.

Cole: It's no big deal.

Leo: It's the finest hotel in Hawaii.

Cole: I just didn't think it was right you guys never got a honeymoon.

Phoebe: Oh my god. Could you be any sweeter right now?

Paige: Hang on, you got them tickets to Hawaii?

Cole: Well, not plane tickets, they'll have to orb there. But, uh, hotel and a couple of nice dinners.

Piper: Cole, I can't believe you did this.

Paige: Am I missing something? Aren't you unemployed? How did you afford this?

Cole: A-a-a-ah. That's tomorrow's surprise. For tonight, another toast. To Leo and to Piper, a life time of happiness.

(They clink their glasses and take a sip. The Seer appears near by and Cole chokes on his drink. He coughs.)

Phoebe: Are you okay? Baby, are you okay?

Cole: Fine, fine. Excuse me, I'll be right back.

(He walks away.)

Paige: Wow, so, you think, uh, Cole won the lottery or something?

Phoebe: I know I did.

(Paige makes a noise.)

Paige: Sorry.

[Cut to the underworld. A cave. The Seer is there standing in front of a cauldron. Cole flames in.]

Cole: I was with the entire family, have you lost your mind?

Seer: Forgive me. But it was imperative that I have you here now if my ritual is to take effect.

Cole: I am trying to be the perfect husband. The perfect brother-in-law. It would help if I didn't have demons waving at me from the dance floor.

Seer: If my fertility ritual fails, the show's over anyway. Tomorrow's harvest moon will be the one chance to impregnate your wife. The power of the moon combined with this tonic will make her fertile to a demon's seed, and override any preventative measures she's taken. Her favourite sweet?

Cole: Chocolate.

Seer: Then I'll mix it with the chocolate. You must feed it to her in the morning, and then finish the job when the moon is high in the night's sky. And if you succeed, the evil spawn growing inside her will influence her only for lenience so that when she does discover the truth, she will bend to your will.

Cole: She will bend to her love for me.

(The Seer picks up a Kn*fe and moves closer to Cole.)

Seer: For the tonic.

(She cuts his hand and he drips his blood into the cauldron.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Bathroom. Phoebe and Paige are there putting on makeup.]

Phoebe: Can I try this?

Paige: Yeah, sure.

(Piper comes in.)

Piper: My hairclip broke.

Paige: Try one of mine.

(Piper pushes Phoebe out of the way.)

Phoebe: Ooh, glowy.

Piper: Yeah, like you need more glow.

Phoebe: Hey, isn't it weird how sex can replace sleep. I wonder if they've done any studies on that?

Paige: I remember Dave my ex-boyfriend.

Phoebe: No, no, no, it's different with boyfriends. I don't know why, but once you're married, it's just better, you know what I mean?

Piper: Husbands, incredibly sexy.

Phoebe: Yeah, it's more intimate or something.

Paige: Well, I wouldn't know.

Phoebe: Speaking of looking forward... Piper, you're going on your honeymoon tonight. I think new lingerie is in order.

Piper: You always think new lingerie is in order.

Phoebe: Not for me, silly. You wanna come, Paige?

Paige: Ugh, I can't. I have to go to that evil place where they keep my pay cheque.

Phoebe: Oh, right, sorry.

(A car horn beeps outside. They leave the bathroom.)

[Cut to outside. Cole is standing beside a silver convertible. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo walk outside.]

Cole: Surprise!

Leo: A new car?

Piper: Where did you get that?

Cole: It came with the job.

Paige: Ahh, are you a valet parker?

Cole: Attorney, thank you very much. It's a company car.

(He hands Phoebe a bunch of flowers.)

Phoebe: Are you serious?

Paige: Strange. You didn't last two hours at legal aid.

Piper: Yeah, you hated it. You said you hated being a lawyer.

Cole: Yeah, but that job was high stressed and paid nothing. This one...

Leo: Comes with a Porsche.

Cole: Right. How comes she's not smiling?

Leo: You got me. Is this the tip tranic?

Cole: Uh, no. I thought you'd be happy.

Phoebe: Cole, if you're happy, I'm happy.

Cole: Alright. (He takes a box of chocolates out of the car. He takes off the lid and shows them to Phoebe.) I got your favourite chocolates. And I reserved the honeymoon sweet at the Mark.

Phoebe: A honeymoon?

Cole: Just for tonight. What do you say?

Phoebe: Ooh, I say I need to do a little bit of shopping first I think. What do you say, Piper?

Piper: Uh, Rebekah Ryan's playing at the club tonight so I've gotta go set up.

Leo: I'll cover for you. Gotta do something, Cole's making me look bad.

Cole: So, chocolates? You sure you don't want one, they smell pretty good?

Phoebe: Mmm, maybe you are evil. (They kiss.) I love you.

Paige: So what law firm are you working for?

Cole: Are you familiar with San Francisco law firms?

Paige: Yeah, I deal with them from time to time.

Cole: Jack McCarter and Kline?

Paige: Haven't heard of them. Well, I better get to work. Congratulations.

Cole: Thanks.

(She walks away.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: A lingerie shop. Piper and Phoebe are there. Phoebe comes out wearing a purple lingerie dress.]

Phoebe: Okay, what do you think?

Man: Ooh, wow. (His girlfriend hits him.)

Woman: Hey!

Piper: I think he liked it and I think she didn't.

Phoebe: Okay, but what is it saying? Because I'm going for that kind of we're married but we're not dead look.

Piper: I think it's more of a I'm gonna wear this one night, and spend the next six months paying it off kind of look.

Phoebe: I hate it when you're right.

(She heads for the dressing room.)

Piper: But although come to think of it, you could probably afford anything you want now that Cole's gone corporate.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, I'm not gonna rely on that. And I'm not just gonna sit at home while my husband works either, you know. I mean, maybe in ten years from now like when I have kids, but not now.

Piper: Oh, hit a nerve?

Phoebe: I just think it's time I got a job too, you know. What do you think?

Piper: Uh, I think being so charming as we are, is kind of a full time job.

Phoebe: Yeah, it just happens to come with a death thr*at in lieu of pay cheque.

Piper: Right, so if Cole is bringing, you know, an extra few bucks into the household why not enjoy it?

(Phoebe comes out of the dressing room.)

Phoebe: Because, Piper, it's not about that. I have a degree in psychology that I worked really hard for and I would like to be able to use it to help people in a non-magical way.

(They see a woman in the middle of the road with cars speeding past her. They honk their horns as they drive by.)

Piper: Speaking of helping people. (A car heads for the woman and Piper freezes it. Phoebe runs across the road and pushes the woman out of the way. Piper unfreezes everything and runs across the road to help.) Oh, good thing that car had breaks, huh. You would've been road k*lled.

Phoebe: Totally.

Piper: Are you okay?

Woman: Can you help me get to work? I won't make my deadline, I've gotta get to work.

Piper: Alright. (Phoebe touches the woman and has a premonition of a demon chasing her.) Yes?

Phoebe: Innocent.

Piper: Of course.

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige is there talking to a Lila.]

Paige: Ugh, I still don't trust him. I called the firm and apparently he's telling the truth by getting that job.

Lila: Wait, he told the truth. Rat.

Paige: I'm telling you, Lila, there's something weird going on. He couldn't function in the job that I got him here, I mean, he hit a client. Now all of a sudden he's Mr. Suave lawyer man.

Lila: People change.

Paige: But not that quickly, not that much. There's something off about him and, uh, I'm gonna keep an eye on him, period.

Lila: Spying on the husband. Now that's a sure fire way to reconnect with your sister.

(Paige's phone rings.)

Paige: Paige Matthews.

Phoebe: Hey, uh, we've got a witchy type situation that could really benefit from your area of expertise. Any chance you could meet us back at the manor?

Paige: Yeah, I'll be right over.

Phoebe: Great, see you there.

[Cut to the manor. Cole is there with the Seer.]

Seer: What do you mean she wouldn't eat it?

Cole: I mean I thought shoving it down her throat might be a little suspicious. So, is it too late?

Seer: No. The tonic is stronger the longer it has to gestate, it might still work.

Cole: Then keep an eye out and warn me of any demons who might be planing to att*ck, I can't afford any distractions for Phoebe.

(The front door opens and Cole turns the Seer into a man. Piper, Phoebe and the woman walks in.)

Phoebe: Cole, we have to, uh...

Cole: Oh, this is, this is Mike. My law clerk. He was just leaving. Thanks, you can catch me up on those cases tomorrow.

Mike: Right. Sure. Excuse me.

(He heads for the door.)

Phoebe: Cole, this is Karen Young.

Cole: Pleased to meet you.

Phoebe: She, uh, she needs our help.

(Mike walks outside and disappears.)

[Cut to the living room.]

Karen: I was going in early, it was still dark, I said goodbye to my husband, and I don't remember. (She starts to cry.) I don't understand what's happening to me.

Piper: Karen, I know you're scared but we're gonna help you, I promise.

(Phoebe and Cole walk into the foyer.)

Cole: What's wrong with her?

Phoebe: I don't know. I had a premonition that she was being att*cked by demons, only I don't think it was a premonition, I think it already happened. But she was hit by some kind of light ball. So we might have to postpone this evening, baby.

Cole: No, we can't.

Phoebe: Well, innocents come first.

Cole: Of course they do. I just, I just can't wait to be alone with you. I'll do whatever I can to help. (He looks around and spots the chocolates on a table. He picks one up and holds it near Phoebe's mouth.) Forgive me?

(Phoebe hesitates and then takes a bite.)

Phoebe: Mmmm.

(They kiss. Piper comes in.)

Piper: Uh, hi, hi-hi-hi. Innocent at foot, remember?

Phoebe: Right.

Piper: So she's calmer now but won't you hang out with you while we go check the book.

Cole: Absolutely. (Phoebe and Piper head for the stairs. Piper takes a chocolate as she passes and eats it.) Uh, Piper?

Piper: What?

Cole: Uh, nothing, it's okay. (He laughs a little.)

Piper: Mm, suddenly I can't wait to go on my honeymoon.

Phoebe: Mm-hm, me either. Must be the full moon.

(Cole walks into the living room.)

Cole: You wanna tell me what happened?

Karen: I don't know.

Cole: I don't have time for this. (He holds his hand above her head and it glows.) Who att*cked you?

(She jumps up.)

Karen: Don't touch me! Don't touch me, leave me alone! He was touching me.

(Cole sees Paige standing at the living room entrance.)

Commercial Break

Cole: I didn't hear you come in. What's the matter? You look like you saw a ghost.

Paige: I'm not sure what I saw.

Cole: What do you mean?

Paige: What were you doing to her?

Cole: Well, I was comforting her. If you hadn't noticed she's hysterical.

(Piper and Phoebe come back in with the book.)

Phoebe: Got it.

Cole: That was quick.

Piper: Yeah, well, we're that good. (to Paige) Thanks for coming.

(Phoebe goes over and cuddles Cole.)

Paige: Uh, we have a problem.

Phoebe: Yeah?

Paige: I mean, what's the problem with her? (She looks at the book.) Power brokers?

Cole: Of course.

Phoebe: Apparently the light ball that was thrown at Karen was a demonic power.

Cole: Yeah, brokers sometimes use people to store powers until they find a buyer. That way thieves can't get to them.

Paige: Human being possessed of a demonic power will become confused then frightened, paranoid, violent and demonic, will ultimately die if the power isn't withdrawn.

Phoebe: So good news is there is a potion to pull the power out of her.

(Cole waves his hand behind his back and his pager beeps. He looks at it.)

Cole: Uh, it's work. They probably want me to fill out more forms.

Phoebe: Okay, baby, well, you go and we'll call you if we need you.

(They kiss and he leaves.)

Karen: I've gotta get outta here. I have a family to take care of.

Piper: Karen, your family is okay.

Karen: But I have a job! I-I-I have a deadline. Elise, she'll fire me.

Paige: It's okay, we'll talk to Elise for you, we'll tell her you're with us, we'll make it all okay.

Piper: I'll go.

Paige: No, uh, Phoebe should go. You're the best with potions. Here, honey, take my car.

(Phoebe takes Paige's car keys.)

Phoebe: Call me if things get worse.

(Phoebe leaves.)

Paige: Piper...

Piper: This potion takes a while to brew and we're all out of hyssop, so why don't you stay with Karen and start cooking and I'll go to the herb store.

Paige: No, I-I have to talk to you about something. You're gonna hate me for saying this but I think I saw Cole use...

Piper: No. Paige, we've been through this a million times.

Paige: No, this is different. I think I saw Cole use demonic...

Piper: No-no-no-no. There is nothing demonic about Cole, and whether you like it or not, he's your brother-in-law. So whatever issues you have with him you're gonna have to take care of yourself.

(Piper leaves.)

Paige: Karen, can I ask you a couple of questions?

[Cut to outside. Piper gets in her car and drives off. Cole pulls up in front of the house in his convertible.]

[Cut to inside. Living room.]

Karen: I don't know, I just felt him do something behind me.

Paige: Something like what? Did you see him do anything?

Karen: Who are you? Why did you bring me here?

(Leo walks in.)

Leo: Paige. Have you seen Piper around?

(Paige goes over to him.)

Paige: Yeah, she's already left. Aren't you supposed to be on club duty?

Leo: Well, I'd much rather be on my honeymoon. Who is she? Is there something wrong?

Paige: No, she's an innocent, we're on top of it. More importantly, I think I saw Cole using magical powers.

Leo: What?

Paige: Yes. I know it sounds crazy but I think I saw his hand glow.

Leo: Paige...

Paige: No, look, there's something strange going on. All the elaborate gifts and he's got the 50,000 dollar car, what kind of job comes with perks like that?

Leo: So Cole gets a company car and that automatically makes him a demon in your eyes?

Paige: No, no, it's just that something is different with him lately and it's not good. Am I the only one seeing this?

Leo: Maybe you're the only one who wants to see it.

Paige: Meaning?

Leo: Meaning that no one wants to be the fifth wheel.

Paige: That's not fair.

Leo: You know what's not fair? Is you judging Cole for his past. He's not a demon anymore and he's part of this family.

(Leo walks outside and flames out.)

[Cut to the underground. Leo flames in and turns back into Cole. The Seer is there as Mike.]

Mike: Well, it's about time.

(Cole changes Mike back into the Seer.)

Seer: Thank you.

Cole: Paige saw me using my powers.

Seer: What? You've been exposed?

Cole: Not necessarily, she's not certain what she saw.

Seer: Nevertheless, she must die.

Cole: A little subtlety. That would hardly put Phoebe in an amorous mood and I'm too close now to abandon my plan.

Seer: If one of the witches is onto you, more than your plan is at risk.

Cole: Still, she's not sure she can trust her own eyes. And I think I know a way to make sure no one trusts what Paige says she saw.

Seer: How?

Cole: The innocent the girls brought home was infected by a power broker.

Seer: What does that have to do with it?

Cole: If I can get a power broker to do the same to Paige, she'll become unstable as well. But by the time she reaches breaking point her sisters will be on their honeymoons.

Seer: She could alert them.

Cole: Not if I accelerate her slide. Push her past fear and into paranoia. Then she won't trust them enough to alert them.

(Cole waves his hand and a power broker appears.)

Power Broker: Who did this? Who pulled me here?

Cole: I did. (Cole's eyes turn black.)

Power Broker: Source. You live.

(He kneels on the ground.)

Cole: Let's just keep that between us for now. (The Power Broker stands up.) I have an assignment for you. If you succeed, you will be rewarded with more power than you can possibly imagine.

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe walks in. There are people everywhere. A guy walks past her.]

Guy: Wow, hi. You are?

Phoebe: Married. Honeymooning tonight. Yeah, can not wait. (He turns to leave.) Uh, excuse me. I'm actually looking for someone. A boss-type someone. Her name is Elise.

(The guy points to an office. Phoebe goes over and the door opens before she can knock.)

Elise: What?

Phoebe: Hi. I'm here on behalf of Karen Young. She's fallen ill...

Elise: Tell her she's fired.

Phoebe: What? No-no.

Elise: When she's late, I'm late. I'm an editor with better things to do than to wait around for her.

Phoebe: No, but she's not gonna be late. Is she late already?

Elise: Deadlines 8:00 tonight. And I thought you said she was sick.

Phoebe: Well, that's why I'm here. To pick up her assignment and bring it to her. Believe me, nothing is more important to Karen than reporting the news.

Elise: I would hardly call the advice column news. (Elise takes Phoebe into a very messy office.) This week's letter is probably on this train wreck of a desk.

Phoebe: Wow, that's a lot of mail.

Elise: Yeah, she's got a follower so she must be doing something right.

Phoebe: Uh, since there's so much traffic right now and I have to get this mail to her, would you consider extending the...

Elise: I appreciate the fact that it takes a special type of person to r*fle through the miseries of absolute strangers and actually manage to help. The fact is, I couldn't even manage to care. This is a newspaper and we work on a deadline. End of conversation.

(Elise leaves.)

[Scene: P3. Piper and Leo are down behind the bar. Piper giggles. Piper's cell phone rings and she pops up on her knees, out of breath to answer it.]

Piper: Hello?

Phoebe: Hey, did you make the potion?

Piper: Potion? P-P-Paige is making the potion. (Leo pops up beside Piper and starts kissing her neck..) And I have ten glorious minutes then I have to have my herbs.

Phoebe: Great, because I need your help fast. Karen's gonna get fired unless we get her advice column in by 8:00 tonight.

Piper: Uh-huh.

Phoebe: So what would tell a twenty-eight year old woman who's still living in her parents house because she's afraid of living alone.

Piper: I'd tell her to get a life.

Phoebe: How can I write that? We fight demons every day. How can I tell her that there's nothing to be afraid of, you know? (Piper makes a noise.) What are you doing, Piper?

Piper: I am taking my own advice.

Phoebe: Eww.

(She hangs up.)

[Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Paige is making the potion while Karen sits at the table mumbling to herself.]

Karen: I gotta get outta here. I gotta get outta here now!

(She stands up and pushes the table onto its side. She heads for the door and Paige stands in her way.)

Paige: Karen, the medicine is almost finished, after you take it you can go anywhere you want.

Karen: You're trying to poison me. You're working for that bitch Elise. I'm gonna k*ll her before she kills me.

Paige: No, we are only trying to help you. No one is trying to hurt you.

Karen: I don't want your help.

(She pushes Paige onto the floor and runs into the foyer. Paige orbs out and orbs back in front of Karen.)

Paige: I'm sorry, I just can't let you go.

Karen: Oh my god, what are you?

(Karen pounces at Paige and Paige jumps out of the way. Cole comes in through the front door and grabs Karen.)

Cole: What's going on in here?

Karen: Get off me! Leave me alone!

Cole: Where's Phoebe?

Paige: Good question.

(The power broker smokes in behind Paige.)

Cole: Paige, behind you! (The power broker throws a white ball at Paige and she glows. Cole lets go of Karen and dives on the power broker.) Paige, get her outta here!

Karen: Stay away from me!

(She holds up her hands and fire comes out of them, burning Paige's arms. Karen runs outside.)

Paige: Leo!

(Leo orbs in with Piper. Leo starts to heal Paige.)

Cole: Power broker, blow him up!

Power Broker: What?

(Piper blows him up.)

Piper: Uh, where's Karen?

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Paige, Leo and Cole are there. Paige is making the potion. She touches her head.]

Leo: You should be feeling better, I healed your wounds.

Paige: Oh, yeah, I am just a little woozy.

(Piper comes in talking on the phone.)

Piper: It was like acid spray, hurt Paige pretty bad. So, um, we need to find Karen fast.

Phoebe: So our innocent is now our demon?

Piper: Right. But she is still our innocent. And, listen, Paige said she was ranting about hating her boss so she could be on her way there.

Phoebe: Oh, well, great, then you should be on your way here too. Because there's not a lot I can do against an acid breathing innocent, you know.

Piper: The acid is coming out of her hands.

Phoebe: Whatever. I'm on a deadline, okay.

(Piper hangs up.)

Piper: Okay, I'm gonna go to Phoebe in case Karen goes there.

Paige: I'll orb you.

Cole: No. Your orbing's still a little clumsy. And besides, they might need Leo's healing powers.

Piper: Uh, yeah, he's right. You should stay here in case Karen comes back. And if there's any problems, any real problems, you can call for us.

Leo: (to Cole) Keep an eye on her will you?

Cole: Yeah, don't worry. (Leo orbs out with Piper.) Paige, you don't still have a problem with me do you? I don't believe it, I saved your life out there.

Paige: I-I just, I don't understand.

(She runs out. Cole knocks the potion onto the floor.)

Cole: Oops.

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Piper and Leo are in Karen's office looking through the window. Phoebe is typing on the computer.]

Piper: What if she doesn't come here?

Leo: It's our best bet.

Phoebe: How do you spell oblique?

Piper: With spell check.

(Karen barges in the building.)

Leo: There she is.

(Karen runs into a man.)

Karen: Outta my way.

Piper: Phoebe.

Phoebe: Mm.

Piper: Phoebe. Acid spraying innocent in the house.

Phoebe: Yeah, just give me a second.

(Piper opens the door.)

Piper: Karen. She's in here, she's waiting for your assignment.

(Karen walks in and looks around.)

Phoebe: Yes! Printing.

Piper: Hi, saving. Karen, we have your medicine.

(Acid spray comes out of her hands. Piper jumps out of the way and Phoebe levitates. The spray melts the computer.)

Phoebe: Whoa, it's a good thing I was done.

(Piper freezes Karen.)

Leo: Someone's coming and the door doesn't lock.

Phoebe: Oh, that's Elise. She's coming for Karen's assignment. God, I hope she likes it.

Piper: Phoebe!

Phoebe: What? Okay, okay, what do I do? What do I do?

(Piper gives Phoebe the potion.)

Piper: Shove it down her throat.

Phoebe: Shove it down her throat. Okay.

(Piper stands behind Karen.)

Piper: Go

(Piper grabs Karen from behind and Karen unfreezes. Phoebe races over and pours the potion in her mouth.)

Phoebe: Sorry, sorry, sorry.

(Elise tries to open the door but Leo holds it closed.)

Elise: Karen? Karen, open the door.

(Piper sits Karen on the chair. A light comes out of her. Leo lets go of the door.)

Leo: Sorry, it was jammed.

Elise: What the hell is going on in here? Who are you?

Phoebe: Uh, this is, this is Karen's doctor and nurse. I told you, she very sick.

Elise: Is she gonna live?

Leo: Uh, yeah, yeah, she's gonna be fine.

Elise: Good. (to Karen) Where's my copy?

Karen: Um, I don't...

Phoebe: I have that. I have the copy.

(Phoebe takes it out of the printer and hands it to Elise. Elise reads it.)

Elise: Ha! That's funny.

Phoebeb: I-It's funny? Like-like bad funny? What's funny?

Elise: You should be sick more often. This is good stuff.

Phoebe: Really? It is? Yay, Karen.

Karen: Thank you.

Elise: You're welcome.

Phoebe: We did it. I mean, we did it. Yay, we.

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Paige and Cole are there. Paige is kneeling on the floor, frightened.]

Cole: Paige. (He throws a fireball.) What's the matter? Are you okay?

Paige: How did you do that?

Cole: Do what?

Paige: Just admit it, you're a demon, just tell the truth.

Cole: Paige, I can't believe you'd even think that. You're the one who's acting strange. If you keep this up, you're gonna hurt yourself.

(Cole walks towards.)

Paige: Stay away from me! (She crawls to the corner.) I'm gonna tell Phoebe.

Cole: Oh, come on. You don't really think your sisters would leave me alone with you if I was evil?

Paige: Stay away from me.

Cole: You really think Phoebe would've married me if I was a demon? (Fire images show up in Cole's eyes. Cole's phone rings. He answers it.) Hello?

Phoebe: Hey. Did you say something about a honeymoon suite for tonight?

Cole: Does that mean you found Karen?

Phoebe: Yes. We found her, we saved her, we even saved her job. She's fine. The only thing is she doesn't remember anything that happened today.

Cole: Perfect.

Phoebe: What?

Cole: Well, that means she can't expose you guys as witches. You know what? If we hurry, we can still make late check in.

Phoebe: Oh, but I don't have anything to wear.

Cole: I can pack for you. I know what I like.

Phoebe: I bet you do. Okay, I'll meet you there.

Cole: Hey, wait-wait-wait. Why don't you tell Leo and Piper to orb straight to Hawaii, don't even bother packing. You never know when the next demon's gonna att*ck.

Phoebe: I'll tell them. You just hurry. Bye.

(Cole hangs up. Paige runs towards Cole and flames surround him. She stops. The flames disappear. Paige cries.)

Paige: Stop it. Why are you doing this?

Cole: What's the matter? Seeing things?

(He leaves the attic. Paige starts throwing things around the room. She throws her hands out and she zaps a dollhouse. She looks at her hands, sits on the floor and continues to cry.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Paige storms downstairs. She walks into the living room and throws something off the table as she passes.]

Paige: I know you're here. I'll find you. (She turns around and zaps a mirror. She sees a photo of Cole and Phoebe and zaps it.)

[Cut to a hotel room. Phoebe and Cole are on the bed feeding food to each other.]

Phoebe: I love you.

Cole: Mm, I had a feeling.

Phoebe: And here I thought all this time I was being so subtle. (Paige orbs in.) Oh my god, Paige. (Paige tries to zap Cole.) The power brokers got to her. There's potion in my purse. (They get off the bed. Cole goes to Phoebe's purse.)

Paige: He's evil.

Phoebe: Paige, don't do this, fight it.

(Paige goes to zap Cole but Phoebe kicks her arm. Cole drops the potion on the floor. Paige tries to zap Cole again but misses. Phoebe holds onto Paige's arms.)

Paige: He's evil. I have to stop him.

Phoebe: Leo! Leo!

(Leo and Piper orb in, wearing lei's.)

Piper: This better be... (she sees what's happening) good.

Leo: Look at her eyes.

(Paige struggles to get out of Phoebe's grip. Piper walks over and hits Paige over the head with a candlestick.)

Phoebe: Okay, Piper, wh-wh...

Piper: What? This is what Whitelighters are for. Where's the potion?

(Leo tries to heal Paige.)

Cole: It's broken.

Piper: Oh, okay, well, there's more at the manor.

Cole: No, there's not actually. Paige broke that one too.

Piper: Wh-what do you mean? That took forever to make. Should could die if we have to make more.

Phoebe: How did we not notice?

Piper: Oh, she was talking about not trusting Cole. It didn't occur to me that she might be infected. This is all my fault.

Phoebe: No, it's not your fault, it's no one's fault. (Phoebe goes over to Paige.) Leo, she's burning up.

Leo: I tried to heal her, I can't.

Piper: Well, what are we supposed to do? Just stand here and watch her die?

Phoebe: Oh, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening. Not again.

(She looks at Cole.)

Cole: This is a way. We need to find a power broker to pull it out of her.

Piper: I blew him up.

Cole: There's others. You'll have to orb me underground.

Phoebe: We'll all go.

Cole: No, it's too dangerous. You never know what kind of powers they might have. Besides, your powers might not work too well down there.

Phoebe: Cole, you don't have any powers.

Piper: Cole, there's no time to argue, we're going.

Phoebe: I'm gonna get dressed.

[Cut to the underworld. Three power brokers are sitting around a table swapping powers.]

Power Broker #2: So, I'll give you an energy ball for a lightning bolt.

Power Broker #3: -----.

(Leo and Cole peek around the corner.)

Leo: What are they doing?

Cole: Trading powers.

Leo: So what do we do?

Cole: I don't know.

(Piper and Phoebe walk around the corner.)

Piper: We barge in. Get Paige.

Cole: Wait, wait, wait.

(They walk in.)

Piper: Sorry to interrupt, but I think one of you may have misplaced a power.

Cole: (to Leo) I'll get her, you get ready to orb them out of here.

Power Broker #2: Who are you?

Piper: We're the Charmed Ones. And one of you jack asses infected our sister.

Phoebe: (to Piper) It's gonna be pretty hard to tell which jack ass though, huh.

Piper: So, here's the deal. We'll spare your lives if you pull your skanky little power out of her.

(Cole carries Paige in.)

Power Broker #2: The power of the Charmed Ones lies in the power of three. You're one witch down.

Phoebe: Um, you sure you wanna test that theory?

(A lightning bolt comes out of his hand, missing them.)

Piper: Too bad. You lose.

(Piper tries to blow him up.)

Cole: Told you about your powers down here.

Leo: Let's get out of here.

Piper: Keep in mind that that was just a warning. Next time I'll use full force.

(Two power brokers kneel down.)

Power Broker #3: Forgive us. We'll do whatever you ask.

Phoebe: See, that's more like it, right there.

(Cole's eyes turn black and the power brokers see.)

Power Broker #2: What the hell are you doing?

(One of the power brokers throw an energy ball at him.)

Piper: What are you waiting for?

(The power brokers remove the power out of Paige. She wakes up and stands up.)

Paige: Where am I?

Phoebe: You're gonna be okay, sweetie.

Leo: Now can we get out of here?

Piper: Wait. (Piper blows up all the power balls on the table.) I had enough power to do that, eh?

(They leave, except Cole.)

Cole: Shh.

[Scene: Underground. A cave. Cole is there. The Seer walks in.]

Seer: Why would you save Paige after everything you do to destroy her?

Cole: They would've found a way to save her anyway. This way I get the credit.

Seer: Did you do it for credit? Or love? I supposed there's some things even the Source can't defeat.

Cole: Careful.

Seer: I am, but are you? We have worked too hard to let a nugget of humanity destroy a legacy of evil.

Cole: Paige has no memory. She's not a thr*at to us anymore.

Seer: I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about Cole. His the one thr*at neither one of us can control. He saved Paige not you.

Cole: I'm not concerned. There'll be nothing he can do once Phoebe's pregnant. Is she? (The Seer looks into the future.) Well?

Seer: I see conflicting futures. Only time will tell.

(She disappears.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: P3. Piper and Phoebe are sitting at a table. Paige comes over and sits down.]

Paige: I can't believe I destroyed the house.

Phoebe: What I can't believe is what you almost saw in the hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier...

Piper: Lalala! Over sharing.

(Karen approaches the table.)

Phoebe: Hey, Karen!

Karen: Oh, I'd hope I'd find you here.

Paige: Do we know her?

Piper: Oh, your memory really is sh*t.

Karen: Um, you told fearful Merrin to get a dog.

Phoebe: Yeah, oh, I know, I know, it seemed right at the time, you know, so she didn't have to...

Karen: I would've told her to get a therapist and a life.

Piper: See, this is what I said.

Karen: Hers was better.

Phoebe: Really?

Karen: It was proactive, it was non-judgmental. The whole column had a freshness and a passion that it hasn't had for a really long time.

Phoebe: Thank you.

Karen: And I'm gonna tell Elise that you wrote it.

Phoebe: Oh, no, Karen, don't do that. I mean, she'll fire you then.

Karen: And my guess is she'll hire you. If you think you can handle working for that witch.

Piper: Hm, I thought of her as more of a demon.

Phoebe: Oh, shh.

Karen: Well, either, I hate her. And even though I'm not sure what happened today, I just feel like I wanna spend more time at home with my kid. So I wanna say thanks, for everything.

(Karen leaves.)

Phoebe: That is very sweet.

Paige: What just happened there?

Piper: I think Phoebe just got a job.

(Phoebe laughs.)

Phoebe: I can't. Can I?

Piper: Phoebe, somebody is going to pay you to tell other people what to do. Shut up and be happy. (They pick up their drinks.) To Phoebe. May you never give any lethal advice.

Paige: And to Piper, may you actually get to go on your honeymoon tomorrow.

Phoebe: And to Paige...

Paige: May I never try to k*ll you again.

Piper: You're not really a Halliwell until you've gone demonic on your sisters at least twice.

Phoebe: Actually, she didn't go demonic on us, she went demonic on Cole.

Piper: You say tomato, and I say...

Phoebe: Karen already hated Elise. That's why Elise became the object of Karen's demonic rage. Which also means that you already hated Cole.

Paige: No, I don't hate Cole, Phoebe. I just don't trust him. I don't know why I feel that way, I just, I don't. I'm sorry.

Phoebe: Yeah. So am I.

(Phoebe walks away. Piper gets up and follows her.)

End

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