02x07 - Taint Not Thy Mind, nor Let Thy Soul Contrive Against Thy Mother

All episode transcripts for the TV show "The Royals". Aired: March 2015 to May 2018.*
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"The Royals" revolves around the life of a modern-day, fictional royal family as they live in the public eye.
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02x07 - Taint Not Thy Mind, nor Let Thy Soul Contrive Against Thy Mother

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on The Royals...

Helena, we need to talk.

Please stay. Don't go.

All you need to do is find a way to make amends with your children before 30 years passes with them too.

If you truly don't have much time left, do something meaningful with it.

What do you really want to do?

I want to spend it with you.

This was around my neck the night before the King was k*lled.

What does it mean?

We figure this out, we figure out who's been k*lling my family.

Why are you here?

What does that symbol on my necklace mean?

Not now! We're being watched.

Your Majesty.

My God, Truman, I can't imagine it can get any worse.

It's your son.

There is one final thing you can do for your Queen.

I k*lled the King of England.

You k*lled Simon.

No.

But we both know... you did.

Mandy, why are you leaving?

Did he thr*aten you?

Fine. You won't tell her?

We came here to rob you.

Mandy, is this true?

Just let me the hell out of here!

No, it's not too late to fix this.

You can come back to the Palace with me.

Just tell her that you changed your mind.

Tell her that this might have been the original reason you came here but... once you got here and got to know her, and you... you fell in love with her...

..literally nothing else matters because you will give up everything just for a second chance with her.

You are so screwed.

(Gabrielle Aplin: Light Up The Dark)

There is only you. I'm here because of you.

Not diamonds or some other girl.

None of that has power over me now.

Only you. So...

♪ I don't have to mention that I saw you today ♪
♪ I shone the sun into your eyes ♪

I wish I could go back and do everything differently.

I'm sorry.

Eleanor, I am so g*dd*mn sorry.

Please...

Please forgive me.

I've changed.

Get over what happened and get over here now before I...

♪ And what is ours is ours to keep ♪
♪ I know the thing you want the most ♪
♪ You hide it over there ♪
♪ Safe at the dark end of the street ♪

(Liam's voice echoes) 'Jasper?'

Jasper?

Look, I've gone over every frame.

(Sighs)

You're sure she's the one that put the necklace on you? - Absolutely.

Play it through again.

I've got to find this girl.

♪ Light up the dark in you ♪
♪ Light up the dark in you ♪
♪ Light up the dark in you ♪
♪ Light up the dark in you ♪
♪ It could be a spark for everything ♪
♪ Always plays a first throughout ♪

Wake up, Helena.

Oh!

♪ Come on, easy rider ♪

The monarchy is a brand.

Promote it. Protect it.

Or go out of business.

Oh.

Duvet diving is not an option for the Queen.

Oh, my God!

You slept in your make-up and your clothes?

(Sighs)

Do you really think people are going to line up to wave at that?

I don't feel well.

Hm. Well, try having breakfast with Cyrus while he fawns all over a low-born bimbo in between bites of kipper.

Oh! I am so not into shipping virus.

The last fling of a dying man can be dangerously sincere.

Come on, young lady. Up and at 'em.

Oh, and of course, "young lady" is just a turn of phrase.

Darling, you've got to start wearing bigger earrings to distract from the wrinkles.

♪ I could be undone ♪
♪ For anything ♪
♪ And you could hush the voice of burning doubt ♪
♪ Come on, easy rider ♪
♪ It's about to sing ♪

The only thing more offensive than you throwing a bottle of Vodka at my head is this paltry brand.

Go to hell!

It's your birthday.

Whoo!

I thought you might like to go see Charlie Jones.

There. One of the champagne girls.

Holden's champagne girls.

He crashed here last night. Print it out.

(Knock on door)

Oh, hell of a party, if I do say so myself.

Dom '93.

What? Did you want The Widow?

Not the booze, Holden. The girl. Do you know her?

No. But I know the other one.

Known her a few times, actually.

Can you get in touch with her?

Zoe, do you know this girl?

Yeah, I know her.

"King of Bling takes a swing."

"Demonstrators protest monarch's bad behavior."

I would call it bold not bad.

There is a way to make it all better.

No!

I won't be going on telly to tell them what I'm going through.

A king does not beg for compassion. It's not his job.

You're only human.

No. I'm a king.

Violet, I love you but your plan is simply naive.

I know what I'm doing.

You have to trust me.

Did you just say, "Love"?

Yes. I love you.

I'm 45 years old. I know what my feelings are.

This tyrant is in love with you.

I only met her last night.

What's her name? - I can't remember. All we did was share a smoke break.

What did you guys talk about?

Tattoos. She was well into it.

Anything else? Anything specific?

Only her ink. I asked her where she got it done.

Where?

Er... Oh, yeah. A place down in Bow.

Charlie Jones!

I remember 10 years ago today when we gave you that horse.

The look on your face was pure joy.

Good old friend.

You jumped right on.

Utterly fearless. And you galloped away.

I don't think I ever really got you back.

Oh, yeah. It was me who left you in the dust.

People are always telling me what an ungrateful, spoilt little brat you are.

You have been given all the material things in life, that's true.

But, perhaps I should have given you more of myself.

So... that's today's gift, mother-daughter time.

So you got me nothing?

Shut up, Princess. Come on. Let's ride.

It's not the Dark Ages.

More's the pity!

You've completely lost touch.

I never had touch. Thank God!

And yet, for reasons that I cannot fully fathom, the irrational totem of majesty that you personify actually matters to the world.

The pound is down, two trade agreements have gone up the spout and students in Oxford are threatening to riot.

Sounds like a bunch of "you" problems... acting Prime Minister.

How about this for a "you" problem.

Abolishment.

Your brother put a bug in the people's ear about it.

All I have to do is call it up for a vote.

Like the sound of a constitutional crisis much?

You need to do something major to show the monarchy is back in its pretty... little... box.

And you need a good shag.

Simon never wanted you to have your own horse.

It's only because of me...

I know. I know.

You argued with him on my behalf.

Remember the arguments?

He cared about me.

He thought you needed coddling.

I knew you needed freedom.

Oh, you say, "Freedom"?

See, I say, "Abandonment".

Consider yourself lucky.

I prayed for my mother to give me some "abandonment".

The Duchy rocks.

She could break the spirit of any animal... human or otherwise.

You've never seen that side of your grandmother.

Believe me, her anger could be terrifying.

Whooo! Bully for her.

I never resorted to my mother's methods.

I never wanted to crush your spirit.

And, as a result, you fight me instead of doing my bidding.

Hold on to all that fight in you, Eleanor.

It's what's going to protect you.

It's going to save you from this world you've been born into.

A diamond world - sparkling and cold and hard.

I'd rather you fight your mother than be her machine.

Oh, hey there. Glad you could make it, Ted.

Thanks ever so much for coming. I'm just making soup.

You're gonna love it.



What is all of this?

Hearty leek and potato.

Delicious.

You have 10 seconds to tell me exactly who you are, why you brought me here, and what you want.

All fair questions.

But the thing you really want to ask me is how I knew that you k*lled Simon.

Nine.

And you can't ask directly.

Too incriminating.

This could be a Scotland Yard sting.

Eight.

If all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put it together how did I know?

Six.

You're not going to sh**t me, Mr. Pryce.

Because you don't know who else I've told.

So drop the g*n and the act.

What's that sound?

A helicopter overhead? A battering ram?

The jingle of handcuffs as they come to get me?

No, I don't hear any of that.

You came here alone.

And every minute an as*ault team doesn't show up at my door, I'm proven right.

You k*lled Simon.

How did I figure it out, you ask?

I'm a student of human nature, Ted.

Once I figured out motive, I poked and I pushed a few buttons to see what you'd do.

I saw the pain in your face at the museum.

And I saw the fear in your eyes when I said you k*lled the King.

That's how I knew.

The human body has a vast number of "tells".

You're no exception.

You don't know anything!

Technically, I don't. No hard evidence at least.

Just a hunch and a bluff.

But I don't need irrefutable proof, Ted.

Because I'm not arresting you.

And I'm not trying to poison you either.

I need you.

(Slurps)

So either sh**t me or eat some soup and hear me out.

No, no. Come on. Leave, leave. I'll be Mother.

There.

I've been dying to ask. Are the boobs real?

Since when have you been squeamish about details?

I've been living vicariously through your exploits for years.

Oh, come now. You still have a few exploits of your own now and again.

Or so I hear.

Oh, well...

A lady never tells.

Oh, and... erm... speaking of exploits...

..yours have upset the people.

Since when is a wolf concerned with the opinions of sheep?

A wolf cannot feast on lamb alone if the flock has bolted.

You suggested a push for power.

I have always had an iron fist in a velvet glove.

You took the gloves off and that was a grave mistake.

You need to subjugate your subjects.

And I, luckily for you, have a plan.

You always do.

Yes.

Get rid of the girl.

Oh!

You need the support of the aristocracy.

And they consider your silly little floozy a joke.

Do you want to be feared or a fool?

Ditch the bitch.

Violet. My Violet.

You underestimate that delicate bloom.

Unlike you, she lacks artifice, self-interest and...

A brain?

She has a remarkable intelligence.

(Scoffs)

As it happens, she suggested an excellent plan of her own as regards to my relationship with the people.

And I shall be putting it into action before the end of the day.

Well, I can't wait to hear what she has to say.

And yet, you will have to.

You're on a need-to-know basis only from now on.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some very real boobs to go fondle.

And a speech to write.

So tell me more about the Duchy.

Did she sleep with your boyfriends too?

I'm sorry for what I did.

And you should know, it was me who initiated not Jasper.

I forced his hand.

Not just his hand.

I could see you were about to throw your heart away.

At marriageable age, the stakes are just too high.

So much more if you're royal.

But if I'd told you not to see him or if I'd had him fired, you would have wanted him even more.

You'd have gone to the ends of the earth for him.

And Jasper Frost didn't seem worthy.

Certainly not trustworthy.

You did it to hurt me.

And to, once again, show me that I was making a mistake.

Well, perhaps I was wrong.

No, you weren't.

Design books are over there.

Let me know if you want your own thing.

I was thinking about this.

That's an interesting design.

Can't say I've ever seen that before.

This the kind of thing you're looking for?

No.

Got my heart set on this.

Look this girl up. She might be able to help you.

Any more information? Perhaps a number, address?

That's all I've got.

Good luck.
Hm.

It's an interesting dilemma, yours.

If you ask the questions you need to ask, you imply guilt.

And if you don't, you get no answers.

I want to know what you think you're accomplishing by all of this and why you've deluded yourself into thinking I can help you.

Counter transference.

Good ploy. Well played. Okay.

Answers. Fine.

Well, it's quite a story.

I think you're going to like it.

What a delightful surprise.

Come on. Come in.

Piled high with Hobnobs. Just the way your dad liked.

A king's old equerry never forgets.

So... What brings the Prince to my humble abode?

You're the only person I can truly trust who knew my father when he was young.

Does this mean anything to you?

Well, this is gonna be a rather different conversation than I'd imagined.

You knew her?

Indeed.

I looked online. There wasn't much to go on.

But, from what I can tell, it seems like she knew my family a long time ago.

Dominique Stewart.

She was your father's true love.

She was...

..my sister.

She was kind and... clever.

And elegant.

Everyone loved her.

But no one more than Simon. You understand.

The minute he ascended the throne, the powers that be started compiling a list of appropriate brides for him.

All of them worthy, all of them attractive and well educated.

"They can have their list but I've got my own list.

And there's only one name on it."

That's what he said.

By the way, she was on their list but he didn't care.

What she and your father felt for each other was much bigger.

And... er... rightly so.

I would venture to say that they were...

..a perfect match.

Destined.

Not just because she was the right age and well mannered and beautiful, but because of our family line.

A truly noble line that dates back to Alfred the Great.

And that mattered a great deal, of course.

It didn't matter a bit to your dad who the Stewarts were, of course.

Ancient blood lines and all that.

No, he was just a boy in love with a girl.

Choose love.

Wait here.

When was this taken?

Oh, it's 30-odd years ago.

She was a showjumper?

Oh, not Olympic level. Nothing like that.

Just local fun.

Sometimes, your dad would go along and cheer on Dominique.

When I was little, I couldn't pronounce her name.

So I called her Domino.

Where was my mother during this time?

There was a time when I had real undeniable love in my life.

That Henry guy you spoke about on the TV?

No. That was a lie.

This isn't.

He worked on our farm.

I would go out riding just to catch a glimpse of him in the fields.

God forbid my family should have found out.

Helena's family was coming up in the world.

One way or another, your gran got Helena onto the list of girls for Simon.

Lord knows how she did it but Helena certainly qualified as a great beauty.

The young king would dance with her at all your grandmother's parties.

'Infamously extravagant parties expressly designed to match her daughter with royalty.'

We were planning to elope.

The boy that I loved couldn't afford a diamond so I picked out a pebble from the shore near here.

And we were going to have it set into an engagement ring.

A pebble?

You didn't know me then.

Maybe he would have bought me a diamond one day, but honestly, Eleanor, I didn't care.

I was in love.

And that meant much more to me. Much more.

I thought my life was set.

But the thing about love and life...

..it rarely goes according to plan.

(Horse whinnies)

Domino? Domino!

Helena: 'Fate didn't care what I'd planned.'

Domino!

'Fate didn't care that I'd fallen in love.'

She was thrown from her horse... coming back from competition that day.

She d*ed just a few hours after that picture was taken.

So tragic.

As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods.

They k*ll us for their sport.

He loved her.

Nonetheless, he had a duty to continue the line.

The heir and the spare.

Hm. A bachelor king would never do.

No. So he hid his private pain and... er... publicly carried on.

The country was in a recession.

Something was needed to restore public morale.

And what better than a royal wedding?

That's the drill. The economy sorely needed a boost.

Especially after Black Friday.

Helena: 'That day was well named.'

I'd never seen my father cry before.

He'd always kept everyone in the dark about family finances but Black Friday finished us off.

After that, all the family's hopes were pinned on me.

I told my mother I was in love with someone else but that was less of an option.

The most eligible bachelor in the world was interested.

(Water babbling)

All of the diamonds...

..I would have been happy with a pebble.

And I said yes to my mother's plan.

And became Queen.

Glamor and the status.

Yes.

After a while, it mattered.

I became a different person.

But the girl who wanted the freedom to choose for herself...

..and a pebble set in an engagement ring...

..all she wanted was love.

Well, you made the right call, Mum.

To hell with love, it's a loser's game.

Darling, I told you my story so that you could be happier than me.

I want you to have a chance at love.

That's nice, Mum, really.

I don't have a chance.

I've seen the way Jasper Frost looks at you.

There's only one man who ever looked at me that way.

He wasn't rich or royal.

He was only the help.

But he was my love.

And I messed it up. Royally.

So if you have feelings...

I don't.

Okay?

People just love me for what I am, Mum... they don't love me for who I am.

That's just not true!

Eleanor, look at me.

Are you saying no one will ever love you for who you really are?

Someone already does.

I do.

I always have.

And I always will.

(Exhales)

My sister's death destroyed my family.

And my sister's death was not an accident.

There was only one person standing between the current Queen Consort and that throne.

Dominique.

I assume there was an investigation.

We went to Scotland Yard but the aristocracy closed ranks.

The more fuss my parents made, the worse it got.

Debts were called in, our prospects destroyed.

We lost everything... including our honor.

Our noble family discarded and smashed into the dust.

Our families deserve justice, Ted. Yours and mine.

And they deserve to be punished.

The damage that's been done.

Your wife gone. Your daughter raised as a motherless child.

Stop! Stop.

Just suppose for a moment that you're correct... and that I k*lled Simon.

If I'm the man you think I am, I'm doing your dirty work. Why not just let me carry on?

Maybe the Queen was next.

Death is too easy for her.

What I have in mind is so much more appropriate.

She will live in a constant hell of grief and regret, poverty, shame and fear.

People will spit in her face when she walks down the street instead of waving and bowing and handing her flowers.

They wanted a legacy?

We'll give them one, the one they earned.

Your sister d*ed a long time ago. Why now?

Until Prince Robert was k*lled, also called an "accident"...

..I never knew I had an ally inside the Palace.

Isn't it a relief to finally meet someone who understands?

(Helena and Eleanor giggle)

I don't know what you've done that could possibly be worse than what I know, but you need to find a way to make it up to her.

She cares.

Deeply, I suspect.

Rally back, bodyguard. Do something to make it right.

I'm rooting for you.

Where have you been?

With Eleanor.

Well, you've spent the day with the wrong girl.

I spent the day with my daughter on her birthday.

How's that so difficult for you to understand?

Because, unlike you, I have my priorities straight.

You see, while you were out horsing around, I went to visit my good friend the Crown Jeweler.

And he told me that Cyrus has picked out an engagement ring.

Now, if they are still married when he dies, she will be the sole reigning monarch, thanks to your brilliant Bill of Succession.

I'm not close to you, Helena, because you're my daughter, I'm close to you because you're the Queen.

So I'd better go and cozy up to her.

Violet, oh, how very nice to see you, my dear.

Grand Duchess: Mwah! Mwah!

Where the devil have you been?

Sorry, the Grand Duchess had me for tea.

What?

She was so nice. She wanted to know all about me.

She is not your friend. Stay away from that witch.

Oh, stop. You're only ever mean when you're nervous.

I'm not nervous talking to the people.

Yes, you are. We both know it.

Well, you know what's not helping?

The fact that you never said it back.

I love you?

It's a question not a statement.

You caught me off guard, that's all.

Those words are hard for me to say.

It's okay if you don't.

You need to breathe.

One time when I was seven, I had to sing a solo at the school Happy Christmas Fair.

I was Rudolph.

Of course you were.

And my grandmother told me to relax and breathe.

And then she gave me something that made it all better.

I'm going to get it for you. I want you to have it.

Wait. I need you here not your things.

You don't need me, honey, but it's nice you say you do.

I'll be back before the broadcast. I promise.

And the answer is yes. Of course I do.

My father loved her.

Come with me.

She was my aunt. I was named after her.

My whole life I've been taught to hate you and everything about you.

Okay.

That night we followed you and put the symbol on you, you really didn't seem like a bad person.

You seemed broken.

I was.

Sometimes I still am.

And that speech you gave at the memorial.

I don't know what to think of you now.

You said, "We."

Who's "we"? Why are you supposed to hate me?

Please, stop with the riddles and tell me what this is about.

Who is always watching?

My father. Her brother.

The symbol on my necklace tumbling dominoes.

What's gonna come tumbling down?

Your family. Domino was her nickname.

The day she d*ed, she was competing in a showjumping event.

Yes.

She rode home to give the horse a cool down.

My father was waiting for her.

When the horse returned, it was all jumped up and hyper.

In a foaming sweat.

It was drugged.

They didn't test for that until five days afterwards.

By which point, the dr*gs would have passed through the horse's system. She was an expert rider.

She and that horse were totally in sync.

Liam, your mother's family hosted the event.

They planned the whole thing, invited Dominique.

She and your mother were rivals.

That's one hell of an accusation.

My dad, his whole family were destroyed.

Emotionally, financially. Everything.

Proving Dominique was k*lled, getting justice... it's the family business.

And you're part of it by choice or just born and bound?

Born and bound but...

Until you can find a way to be free, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I'm sorry. I've got to go.

One last question.

Is it justice your father wants or revenge?

My father and my brother are dead.

We had nothing to do with that. Nothing.

Your Majesty, we just need to do a quick sound test then we'll be live to all major networks.

I won't start till the Lady of the Privy Chamber is here.

She said she'd be back by now.

She's the frigging maid.

You're late.

I was doing what you told me to do.

And?

He knows what he needs to know now.

He's charismatic, isn't he?

The Prince.

He's okay.

(Laughs)

We are live in... five, four, three...

(Only Real: When This Begins)

The night King Simon was att*cked, what time did he arrive back at the Palace gates?

♪ Time is much quicker now ♪
♪ It never used to... ♪
♪ ..move so fast ♪
♪ Guess we're all grown up ♪

Hey.

Hey.

Oh, erm... happy birthday.

Yeah.

♪ I never used to... ♪

What's the matter?

♪ Guess I'm all grown up ♪

She was so young there.

What?

Liam, you're scaring me.

I think Mum k*lled someone.

Some of you don't like the way I've been behaving recently.

You're unsettled. Maybe you feel threatened.

These are dark times.

Friends can be false. Alliances shift.

People are covetous and wicked.

I see it all.

I know everything.

And in no uncertain terms...

..let me promise you from the bottom of my heart, if I find out that anyone has done anything which goes against the will of my rule...

..then rest assured, things are about to get a whole lot worse.

♪ ..like it doesn't even matter ♪

Long live The King!

♪ The way it was ♪
♪ The rush of blood ♪
♪ You gave it all up ♪
♪ You're acting like it doesn't even matter ♪
♪ Like I don't even matter ♪
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