01X07 - Robarazzi

[bunniefuu]

Don't you guys wanna know What that is?

Is it a transporter From the future That can beam you To another table, 'Cause if it is, What button do I push?

That's so hurtful.

You know, You don't always have to be Mean to everyone.

See, Tori's interested In my device.

I'm really not.

Aw, c'mon little Red, Tell us about your doo-Hickey.

Okay, it's called: The snowbee.

Watch.

It makes pretend snow.

I see that.

It's all over my tostada.

And my pizza.

Well, do not eat it.

Why?

'Cause it says The fake snow is toxic And can cause Abdominal bleeding.

So what made you Buy a machine That poisons people's lunches?

This catalog.

Sky store?

Yeah.

I went to visit my uncle And uncle this weekend In San Francisco, And they had these on the plane.

It's like filled with all kinds Of cool stuff you can buy.

Oh, like this: A tree face.

You put it on your tree To give it a face.

What if you don't have A tree?

It also works on bushes.

Unbelievable.

You guys have no idea How upset I am about...

It snowed?

In los angeles?

I told you Global warming was bogus.

Stop watching fox news.

No, it's fair and balanced.

Dude...

It's not real snow.

But you can eat it.

I don't wanna eat anything.

What are you all upset about?

This time?

The seniors, The ones who run the slap...

Dotcom?

No, dot gov.

Yes, dotcom.

They wanna cancel my blog.

Why?

Oh wait, I don't care.

Why?

'Cause it's boring.

It is not bor...

Do you guys think That my blog on the slap Is boring?

Hey look, it's that guy Over there.

It is that guy.

Wait up, guy.

There's no guy.

I'm sorry They wanna cancel your blog.

I just don't understand why.

Well, what kind of things Do you report on?

You know, school news.

Like last week, I did a report About the library being painted.

Borrrr-Riiiing.

What else?

I did a piece About principal eikner's New office makeover.

Oh, I did a three-Part series On carpooling.

Which was three parts Too many.

Look, if you wanna Save your blog, Why don't you just make it About the students here?

You know, like all the stuff That goes on in their lives.

You think?

Sure.

Okay, I could try that.

Good.

Oh, and...

Don't eat the snow unless you Wanna bleed internally.

Okay.

She's so cute.

Girl like that wants a man, Not a boy.

I'll get there.

I thought you were taking me To inside out burger.

We'll eat later.

I wanna show you the footage I sh*t for my blog.

And why would I care About that?

'Cause if this Interview's any good, It might convince the seniors To let me keep doing my blog On the Slap.

Man, why don't you Just rub my back?

Just watch.

This is quality stuff.

Hello.

Hi.

Now, your name is...

Sinjin van Cleef.

Now Sinjin, I understand That you collect something.

Yes.

What do you collect?

I collect these.

And those are...

Teeth, from the relatives Of past presidents.

That's creepy, man.

Shush.

So tell us about Some of your teeth.

This tooth came From the mouth of a cousin Of Ronald Reagan.

This tooth is a molar That came from the mouth Of Jimmy Carter's brother Billy.

Wow, it's so yellow.

I know.

What?

Look, you see Tori In the background?

You're supposed to be Focusing on my interview With Sinjin.

Shut up, ding bat.

Rewind the video, k*ll the volume, Zoom in on Tori And play it again.

Yeah, now watch her, watch her.

Ha, she's squeezin' on a pimple.

Ha, ha, ha, a zit.

So?

Dude.

That's the kind of funk America wants to see.

People caught on video.

Put that on your stupid blog If you want it to be popular.

Tori squeezing a pimple?

That's just mean.

It's news, man.

Come on Rob, You wanna be a loser The rest of your life?

I'm not a loser now.

Yeah. What was I thinking?

Okay, now watch, And you'll see Tori Reach for her pimple.

Wait for it, and there it is: The squeezing.

So gross.

Beck, wait, wait, wait...

Wait up!

Oh, okay, all right, Ya caught me.

What?

I wanna show you what I got.

Sure.

Okay, now, walk towards me.

Closer, closer.

Step away.

You are too close To this person.

The police are on their way.

I didn't do anything.

Would ya turn that off?

Move back.

It's the world's Best alarm necklace.

Oh, and look, The world's brightest key chain.

Yea, okay!

All right, that's bright.

You can turn that off now.

Too bright?

No, I loved that.

You think Maybe you're buying, you know, Too many things from sky store?

No.

Oh, hey...

Can I borrow some money For lunch?

Yeah, how much?

49.95 plus shipping?

No, I don't think It's going to rain.

Hey, Robbie!

Oh, hi!

TheSlap.com.

That thing you did on Tori Was hilarious.

You liked my pimple piece?

Awesome.

Rocked.

Thanks.

Oh, hey, funny stuff On the slap.

You liked it?

Loved.

Hey, Shapiro!

Over here.

Please don't embarrass me.

You're the embarrassment In our relationship.

Hi, you guys.

Listen, I put a new piece up On the slap last night...

Robbie.

We're not kicking you Off the Slap.

You're not?

Dude, that piece you posted About Tori's pimple...

My pimple post?

Tons of views so far.

Tons?

It's trending.

For real?

Yeah.

You keep posting stuff Like that, You can be on the slap As much as you want.

And if you need any help, We'll let you boss Around the ninth graders.

The slap apprentices?

Whatever ya need.

Great work, Rob.

Keep it hot.

I'm a hit.

Robbie.

You're about to get hit.

Hey, ya Tori.

How are things?

I see you're still Rockin' that chin zit.

You hit me, I'll sue.

How could you post that video Of me squeezing my pimple?

You told me to make my blog About the students, The stuff that goes on In their lives.

Yeah, not the stuff That grows on my face.

But it's really popular.

I told you to do stories About what's going on In students' lives, Not to embarrass And degrade people.

I mean, seriously, Is being popular That important to you?

Welcome to...

Starring Robbie Shapiro.

Robarazzi, your home For up-to-the-minute Tasty gossip about the students At hollywood arts...

Starring Robbie Shapiro.

Oh, my God!

Coming up on Robarazzi, Tori Vega's pimple: Shrinking or growing?

Don't touch it.

Also, does Andre Harris Have a ketchup problem?

Does Sinjin van Cleef Steal famous teeth?

Probably.

Is it splitsville For Beck and Jade?

All this, and tons more on...

Starring Robbie Shapiro.

He's a dead man.

Beck and I aren't Splitting up.

Well...

Dude...

Kidding.

I use an appropriate amount Of ketchup.

Let's go fix this right now.

Cat, are you coming?

Oh my God!

Underwear that floats.

Okay, what do we got, What do we got?

I got Cat Receiving another order From that sky store Catalog thing.

Whoa, isn't that like Her fifth delivery this week?

Yeah, chick's outta control.

No doubt.

No, there were supposed To be two packages.

I only got one.

It was supposed To get here on...

Hey, why are you sh**ting this?

Who are you with?

Robarazzi.

Girl's got a problem.

No doubt.

And, I'm gonna go out On a limb here and say That's probably not Her natural hair color.

Funny stuff, Rob.

Okay, what else we got?

I don't use any more ketchup Than the next guy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Come on you guys, We're in the middle Of taping my show.

Beck and I Are not "splitsville."

Well...

Is there something You wanna talk about?

Kidding.

Are you guys getting this

'Cause this is really Great stuff.

Robbie.

You're not gonna have Any friends left If you keep exploiting us For your dumb blog.

Okay, we have Tori Freaking out.

Is he serious?

Really?

This is ridiculous.

Stop!

This is your last chance.

Are you gonna stop This Robarazzi thing or not?

Coming up on Robarazzi, Tori, Andre, Beck, Jade, All caught On a psychotic rampage.

Is anyone safe?

I am so mad at Robbie.

I feel like everyone's staring At my pimple.

Everyone is.

How do you think I feel?

Five people today have asked me About my ketchup addiction.

One kid called me

"Mister ketchup."

It's all Tori's fault.

Really?

They were about to Kick Robbie off the slap.

You were the one who told him To start reporting On our personal lives.

Then you gave him ideas By letting him sh**t video of you Playing with your pimple.

Gimme the salt.

Hey Andre, we thought You might need this.

Save some for dinner.

I do not have A ketchup problem.

Andre, Andre, right here.

Get out of here.

Who were they?

Robarazzis.

Robbie's little Ninth-Grade photographers.

Aw, man!

Now, Robbie's got pics of me With this Industrial-size ketchup.

We gotta do something.

Clearly.

I think we just Have to show Robbie That we're not gonna be His friends until he stops Embarrassing everybody.

That's from sky store?

What is it?

It's the world's most Powerful portable juicer, For juicing on the go.

You're so screwed up.

No, it's really cool.

Look it...

See?

You juiced my pizza.

Why chew what you can drink?

What's up, m'peeps?

How's everyone doin'

This fine day?

Do you really need That much ketchup?

Wait, Jade, what are you doing?

Jade.

What's wrong with you guys?

Stop embarrassing us On your dumb Robarazzi blog.

Seriously, Rob, It's not funny anymore, okay.

You guys Embarrass yourselves.

I just get it on tape And show the world.

Well, we don't wanna Be your friends till you stop.

Fine.

Lots of other people Wanna be my friends, Smart and attractive people.

See ya on the web.

Do you want me To juice your bagel?

I really don't.

Cat...

Oh, hey Lane.

You know, you're supposed To be in your improv class Right now?

Oh, sorry, I just got this new thing From sky store, and...

Yeah, you know, Some teachers and students here Think you're buying Too many things from sky store.

I hear you've been Borrowing money from people?

Not anymore.

I started using My parents' credit card.

Okay, but still...

Y'know what this is?

No, and I really Don't have time.

I've got...

It's the ball freshener.

Cat, I think we need to talk About this, cause...

See this filthy Icky tennis ball?

Yeah.

Look it.

Fresh as a daisy.

Do you even play tennis?

No, but I'm gonna learn With the world's Thinnest tennis racquet.

Cat, does a person Really need to have A tennis racquet that...

Wow, it's so light.

Who are you, And why is your number blocked?

Jade?

Wait.

Jade, I didn't...

Why are you screaming at me?

How is it my fault that Robbie...

Jade, okay, okay, yes.

I'll watch it, right now.

Welcome to Robarazzi, Starring Robbie Shapiro.

Wait, wait, wait!

You got what?

I got Beck and Jade In the front seat of Beck's car, And you need to see this.

Come on, let's just go.

It'll be fun.

No!

Why not?

'Cause I didn't shower This morning, And I had tuna fish for lunch, And... there's a dude In the back seat.

What the...hey man.

Get out.

What are you doing?

This is my car.

Are you out of your mind?

What's wrong with you?

I'm gonna k*ll you.

Can you believe this?

Hey, Tor.

Hi, mom.

Take off your shirt.

Why?

When was the last time You shaved under your arms?

I dunno, last night, This morning?

Are you stubbly yet?

Maybe a little.

Oh, good.

Shirt off, come on.

Okay.

You wanna tell me What this is about?

I found this new Depilatory cream from sweden, And it totally made me Think of you.

Why me?

Depila-Tori?

Oh, my God.

Okay, arms up, all the way.

All right.

Now, we just smear this stuff Under both your arms, And in 15 minutes Your pits will be smooth As a baby's butt.

I can't wait.

Why does it seem like You're in a weird mood?

'Cause...

You know my friend Robbie?

Glasses, puppet, afro?

Yeah.

He started doing This online blog thing...

Hey, who's out?

Hey, get out of here.

Arms up.

Go, get away.

What are you doing?

Go, get off my patio.

Can you believe...

Keep your arms up.

They're up.

Okay, I need to put an end To this now.

End to what?

Why do those kids Want pictures of you?

What up With Tori Vega's armpits?

Where are they?

Patience.

But they finished gym

10 minutes ago.

It takes time To get from the locker room All the way here.

Hey, did that pit cream work?

Never speak of it.

Turn it on, turn it on.

We got 'em.

He's right behind us.

It's not funny.

You guys better Give me back my clothes, Or I swear I'm gonna tell...

Ah, turn off the camera.

Why?

You look so cute.

Dance for us, Robbie.

Gimme back my clothes.

Should we?

No!

Yeah, I think we need To put this video online.

What?

No.

Sorry.

The people wanna see What the people wanna see.

You cannot put This video online.

Okay.

No problem.

We'll k*ll the video.

As long as You k*ll Robarazzi.

Wh...? No.

Yes.

But my blog is a hit.

All right, Then I'm just gonna Zoom in right here.

No, no, don't.

Are you gonna stop?

Well, if I don't Do Robarazzi, What am I gonna do For my blog on the slap?

Low fat recipes.

Okay, what do we got, What do we got?

I got a lasagna With only 90 calories And 4 grams of fat.

Oh, lasagna.

What else?

I got baked onion rings, Two points.

Must have a lot of fiber.

Go.

I found a non-Fat Blueberry muffin recipe.

B-B muffins, Now that is outrageous.

Wait'll you taste 'em.

You taste 'em.

Come on, lemme have it.

But maybe I can Talk my parents into giving me My credit card back.

Cat...

It's time to say goodbye To sky store.

Don't you think That's the best thing to do?

Look, I know it hurts now, But you'll feel better soon.

I know.

Wanna come hang for a while?

Nah, thanks.

I just wanna sit here.

Okay.

Bye.

See ya, sport.

Hey, Sinjin!

Yes?

Do you have a girlfriend?

No.

You have a credit card?

Yeah.

Why don't you Call me sometime?

Really?

Okay, I'll go buy a phone.

Oh my God, a litter box That plays classical music.