01X14 - Rex Dies

[bunniefuu]

How's your eggplant?

It's fine.

How's your spaghetti?

I hate you.

Why?

I'm not having spaghetti!

I'm having spagatini!

What's the difference?

Spagatini is a very thin noodles.

Spaghetti is a relatively fat noodle!

We've been over this!

I forgot!

I mean, why did we even take a pasta class together?

And done.

We're done?

But, we still have a few more lines.

No, I meant this is done.

What is that?

Well, it was a jar of cream, but now that I've shaken it vigorously for an hour, it's butter.

You make your own butter?

Indeed.

Is it good?

I don't know, I refuse to eat dairy.

Tori, Beck, take your seats.

If he doesn't eat dairy, why would he...

I don't know. I don't get it.

All right, for the last few minutes of class, let's talk about the one-act play I'm directing.

Well?

Well what?

You wanna talk about the one-act play you're directing?

All right.

First of all, I wanna thank you all for auditioning.

The two lead roles will be played by... andre and Robbie.

Cool.

Hot beef.

Would anyone else like to be my guardian?

Did any of the rest of us get parts?

Aw, is a certain little red-head hoping she got a role in teacher's play?

She is.

Well, she didn't.

But I do need some help with the backstage crew.

Jade, cat, I want you girls on lighting.

Lighting?

Yes, you pronounced it perfectly.

Tori, I want you to work with sinjin's team on special effects.

Okay, but I know like nothing about special effects.

We'll teach you.

Lookin' forward to it.

♪ Here I am, once again ♪
♪ Feeling lost but now and then ♪
♪ I breathe it in to let it go ♪
♪ And you don't know where you are now ♪
♪ Or what it will come to ♪
♪ If only somebody could hear ♪
♪ When you figure out how ♪
♪ You're lost in the moment ♪
♪ You disappear ♪
♪ You don't have to be afraid ♪
♪ To put your dream in action ♪
♪ You're never gonna fade ♪
♪ You'll be the main attraction ♪
♪ Not a fantasy ♪
♪ Just remember me ♪
♪ When it turns out right ♪
♪ 'Cause you know ♪
♪ that if you live in your imagination ♪
♪ Tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination ♪
♪ In my victory ♪
♪ Just remember me ♪
♪ When I make it shine ♪

Uhhh. Hey. Hey. Cheekbones?

Yes, Rex?

You gonna eat that taquito?

I sure am.

C'mon, gimme one bite.

No.

Can I smell it?

Robbie.

Stop.

Gimme a bath.

Later.

Aww.

So, I heard you went out with Jessica wolf last night.

Oh yes. I did.

So? How'd it... hi tori. Tori's friends.

So, your date with Jessica?

♪ Awesome ♪

uh, not according to her last update on the slap.

What'd she write?

It's kinda mean.

Read it!

Last night, worst date ever.

Oh.

Well, maybe she went out with some other guy after she went out with me and then she wrote that about the other guy.

Dude brought a puppet.

A puppet?

Oh she was talking about me.

I'm sorry.

Ah, who cares?

You don't need to be hookin'
up with scrunge like that.

Hi everyone! Yeah.

That's right. Felony jeans.

And they're not knock-offs.

These are real felony jeans.

The realio-dealio.

Realio-dealio?

I think that's Spanish for real deal.

And what's Spanish for dizzy red-head?

Aren't felony jeans like super expensive?

Yes.

Oh, do me a flavor and put this credit card back in mom's purse.

Why do I have to put it back in mom's...

What are you doin I'm trying to make myself cry.

Looks like you're about to puke.

Want me to jerk a knot in your tail?

Oh my God.

Why are you trying to make yourself cry?

For the play.

I'm supposed to cry in the last scene and sikowitz says a real actor has to cry real tears.

So?

You're a great actor.

Just cry real tears.

You know how hard it is to make real tears come out?

I mean, I can cry and make it look real and sound real, but I don't see how an actor can just automatically make actual tears come out whenever, I mean, it's like...

Well, well you all are girls.

It's easier for girls to cry.

How... how do you... sometimes, I have trouble not crying.

Oh.

Grady, take those sand bags up to the catwalk.

Kay.

I love that they call this a catwalk.

'cause my name is cat, and look, I'm walking.

Walking on the catwalk.

If someone was pushed off this catwalk andhey landed on the floor really hard, do you think they'd live?

Why are you asking that?

No reason.

Tori.

Hi.

We wanna give you this t-shirt.

It says "special effects crew."

thanks. It looks used.

Yeah, that was my shirt.

What are these stains?

Who can remember.

You can't remember?

It has arrived.

Yeah. There she is.

Cool. What's that?

This is a turblow jet.

To create the Tornado for the play.

Ooh, it blows?

It blows.

Blows.

♪ Blows, yeah ♪
♪ Umm-hmm ♪

Hmm.

Show her.

We'll start on medium.

Sorry sinj.

It happens.

Wow, this thing's powerful.

Yup.

And it doesn't just blow.

You flick that little red guy into reverse... it sucks.

Show her.

Now come here... whoa, that's insane!

Yeah.

Now that is some serious suckage.

I wanna play with it... hey.

Hey.

Did you figure out a way to make yourself cry yet?

Nah. I tried all last night.

And if I don't cry real tears, sikowitz is gonna say...

Ahhhh! What was that?!

Look! You're crying.

Yeah!

What did you spray in my eyes?

Beast repellent.

It's powerful enough to stop a man or a medium-size bear.

It burns!

That means it's working!

Okay, everyone, we have 20
minutes before our play begins, where is my coconut milk?

You're drinking it.

So am I.

Cat, don't turn on 21.

Don't what?

Turn on 21.

21 on.

No, no no.

Cat, you just shocked me!

I'm sorry!

Oh. Hey, tori.

Why aren't you in costume?

I'm goin' to get changed.

Will you watch Rex for me?

Why can't you just take Rex with you?

'cause I don't like to change in front of him.

He... makes jokes.

Heh heh, yeah I do.

Hush!

Will you just keep an eye on him for me?

Sure.

All right, adolescents, let's do some quick checks!

Crew, position.

Sunshine. Love it.

Chirping birds.

No, not a cock fight... peaceful birds.

Charming.

Thunderstorm. Excellent.

Lights up.

Next, um, tori, let's see the Tornado.

Full on?

Full on. Blow me away.

Just turn it on.

Here we go.

It's in reverse.

Tori, turn it off!

I know, I know, I know... turn it off! Turn it off!

Oh my God.

This shirt's a little big, but I think it looks pretty good.

Let me go! Let me go!

What did you do to him?

Lemme see him!

Let go!

Calm down.

Is Rex okay? Is Rex okay?

Ahh! No. No, no, no, no, no, nooo, nooo, nooo!

What did you do?

I... I just... I just... um... Rex? Rex, can you hear me?

Oh. Oh. Is that you, Rob?

Robbie's here.

It's me. It's okay.

I'm... I'm busted up pretty bad.

I've gotta get him to the hospital.

Robbie... I've got to.

Robbie.

You're starring in this play.

The audience is outside waiting to come in.

It's your job to entertain them... no matter what.

Oh. I feel cold.

Somebody's gotta take Rex to the hospital.

I'll take him.

I'll drive.

I'll go too.

Okay, does anyone else think this is bizarre?

C'mon, it can't just be me.

All right, all right, it's showtime!

What'd I miss?

Tori tried to m*rder Rex.

Sinjin!

Let me have him.

No.

We'll take him to the hospital.

Okay.

I got him.

Take care of him.

I promise.

Well, I'm not missing this.

Hey!

Wait up.

What?

Where are you all going?

To the hospital.

Cat... we're not really going to a hospital.

It's a puppet.

Not to Robbie.

You know what?

Maybe we should take Rex to the hospital.

Why?

So he can die there.

Jade... it's not good for a
16-year-old guy to go through life with his hand shoved up a... that.

Maybe this happened for a reason.

But if Rex dies, Robbie's gonna... get over it and become a normal person?

Yeah, that'd be tragic.

She's got a point.

I used to think my Uncle Jesse was a normal person, but then I found out that every Sunday, he soaks his feet in chicken fat.

Let's take Rex to the hospital.

Yeah.

Let's go.

Okay.

But he's a puppet.

Yeah, yeah, we know he's a puppet.

Look, we just want you to hook him up to one of those beepy machines and when our friend Robbie gets here, pretend he dies.

You want me to pretend this puppet dies?

Is there any good reason why a grown man would soak his feet in chicken fat?

Chicken fat?

Why don't you go make friends with the nice lady at the desk?

'kay-kay.

Hi.

So will you do it?

Look, I'm a doctor.

This is a hospital.

I can't justify pretending that a puppet... come on, doc.

Just do it.

Please?

Will you do something for me?

What?

I have a 16-year-old son.

His name is Lendle and he's, um, well, he's a loser.

Would you go out on a date with him?

How much of a loser?

Oh my God.

Yeah.

Look, I... tori would love to go out with Lendle.

Really?

One hour, and it has to be a dark restaurant.

Done. Bring the puppet.

I don't know why your Uncle would soak his feet in chicken fat.

Uh, why are you here?

Oh, 'cause this puppet had a really bad accident and got hurt.

But he doesn't like to be called a puppet.

Mm-hmm.

And how did this puppet get hurt?

See, well, my friend tori was trying to make a Tornado happen, but she did it wrong so the puppet flew across the room into a big jet fan.

Ooh, a flying puppet.

Yeah.

That's too bad.

Uh, William, would you please take this young lady to our "special room"

in section d?

Of course. Come along.

Ooh, an adventure.

Wow. That looks so real.

So when this Robbie kid gets here... just say that Rex isn't doing well, let him say goodbye, and then beeeeeep.

Dead Rex.

Why can't my son be handsome like you?

Hey, what's this?

Oh, this is just a fatty lump that I removed from a cab driver's back.

Can I have it?

What school do you kids go to?

I have to go see another patient.

I'll be back in 20 minutes.

Why would you want...

I'd like to look at it.

It's just a little weird.

Who texted?

> andre.

They have one more scene left in the play and then he's gonna bring Robbie here.

Good.

One hour from now, you dead.

Hey, where's cat?

So, what are these for?

They keep you from hurting yourself.

Oh. Neat.

Bonk. Bonk.

This... they work.

This doesn't hurt at all.

Bonk. Bonk, bonk.

Bonkity bonk, bonk, bonk.

I'm cube-fist-man!

Bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk...

Andre and Robbie are coming.

Good.

Found him.

I was trying to stop that man from choking!

Yeah, this is really important.

You got your machine set for Rex to die?

Yeah. It'll flat-line in exactly 15 minutes.

Shhh!

Everyone get ready, get ready!

Oh, Rex.

Is he gonna be okay?

I'm, I'm afraid his injuries are very serious.

They don't think he's gonna make it.

What in the name a'nancy's goin' on here?!

I'll leave you and Rex alone, so you can say your goodbyes.

Wait. Tori, will you stay?

Oh, no. Why me?

Well, for one thing, you caused this.

Oh.

And I just really need the comfort of a woman.

Yep. Yep. I know. It's sad.

Hellooo?

My nose itches and I can't scratch it.

Hellooo?!

Big man who brought me in here?

Oh, I know.

Ooops. Come here nose.

Time to get scratched.

Ooh, here we go.

We better call in a specialist.

I'll never forget the time we went to mystic mountain, and I was too scared to go on the big roller coaster, so you called me a wienie, and I went on, I ended up having a great time, even though I did pee my pants on the loop-dee-loop.

And, and I know tori's sorry for what she did to you.

She didn't mean to suck you into a jet-powered death machine.

I really didn't.

I don't know what else to say to him.

I think you've said enough.

Yeah. I just... wait!

Will you sing his favorite song to him with me?

What song?

Forever, baby by Michael corcoran.

Do you know it?

Uh, I don't know.

Maybe the chorus?

That's his favorite part.

Come on.

♪ Move your body ♪
♪ Right next to mine ♪
♪ Feel the b*at ♪
♪ And we're lost in time ♪

wait, wait, wait.

Sing it on key.

It was on key!

You were just a little bit flat.

No, I was not... all right.

♪ Move your body ♪
♪ Right next to mine ♪
♪ Feel the b*at ♪
♪ And we're lost in time ♪
♪ I am yours ♪
♪ And now you are mine ♪
♪ Forever, baby... ♪

I'm sorry.

No!

I'm sorry.

Come, there's a quiet room where you can sit with your friends.

Robbie! Come back!

Rex is okay! Doctor! Robbie!

What happened?!

I dunno.

It started beeping again.

What?

He's alive?!

Yeah!

I think I even heard him say something!

Rex! Rex, can you hear me?!

Speak to me buddy!

♪ Meant for me ♪
♪ And I'm meant for you ♪

Rex. Rex.

♪ Forever, baby ♪

Rex. It's a miracle!

You still have to go out on a date with my son.

Aw. Wait, does it have to be me?

You promised.

But I know another girl for lentil.

Lendle.

Lendle.

You said Lendle was a super-hot guitar player.

No, Lendle's a loser.

I'm gonna get you, tori.