03x03 - Clarity

Episode transcripts for the 2015 TV show "UnREAL". Aired June 2015 - July 2018.*
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"UnREAL" centers on a young staff member on a hit dating show who does everything she can to help please the show's executive producer.
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03x03 - Clarity

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♪♪

CHET: She's the female Elon Musk.

Serena is our girl.

RACHEL: What's wrong with her winning?

- It's cool.
- She can hang with the guys.

Yeah, except none of the
guys want to hang with her.

It's like she's wearing dude-repellent.

- Have fun boys.
- The woman you are at work

is not the girl
that a man wants to date.

I know what guys want.

And you've got to make him
feel important.

- Can you help me?
- Yeah, I sure can.


You're pumping toxic sludge
into the minds of young women.

You're telling them that they have to

dummy themselves down to land some dude.

Okay, enough, all right?

Just get the hell out.

DR. SIMON: Your version
of "Essential Honesty"

just feels kind of blame-y.

Like you're using it as a shield.

I am out of vodka, and it
is supposed to be stocked.

- I set up our meeting for that pitch.
- Great.

This woman is looking
for a poodle. Not a man.

Then be a man. Start the revolution!

- [SPITS]
- Hey, hey!

Call security, right now.

Come on, it's good TV.

Look at that!
That's what I was waiting for.

And cut!

Move over. It's big enough for two.

There we go.

- August.
- Am I in trouble?

Yes.

- [MOANING]
- ♪ I feel the fever coming over me ♪

We are never doing this again.

Now, that's what you said last time.

Well, this time I mean it.

Oh, you said that too.

Oh.

♪♪

Ah! [CHUCKLES]

Where'd you learn that?

- Africa.
- [LAUGHS]

Now let's go to Big Sur.

Sunset hikes. Hot springs at Esalen.

No, no, no, no.
That's never gonna happen.

You and me naked in the redwoods.

That... oh!

- That sounds fantastic.
- No.

That sounds like, uh...

- That sounds like career su1c1de.
- Come on.

You must pick a contestant every
season to have a fling with.

No, actually, I don't.

[CHUCKLES] I'm your first?

Yeah.

Don't you feel special?

Now finish.

Okay.

♪♪

- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

Where are you going? Aren't you
supposed to be in wardrobe?

Uh, oh. I was just gonna
take a quick dip,

You know... clear out the cobwebs.

Yeah. No. I don't really think
you have time for that.

What, are you, uh, not
sleeping well in the hammock?

What? No. Yeah,
I'm... I'm sleeping great.

- Yeah. Couldn't be better.
- Awesome.

Yeah, well, if you ever need
anything, you'll let me know, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Of course I would.

But, I don't. I'll, uh...
I'll see ya, Rachel.

Rachel.

- Hey! Hang on a minute.
- I'm gonna go talk to Serena.

- Hang on a minute.
- Quinn!

They asked if you wanted
generic or name brand,

- and I just got generic. I could...
- Put it in my office, moron!

Cranberry juice and meds? Uh-oh.

Is someone experiencing a hideous
burning sensation while peeing?

Come on. It's clearly a UTI comfort kit.

- Who's the lucky guy, Quinn?
- Yeah, there's no guy.

It is pure, unadulterated,
pharmaceutical-grade stress.

- Going in?
- Oh.

Great.

I'm sorry. What is he doing here?

Look, you should just go ahead
and produce your guys.

I am, right after I go talk to Serena.

Uh, Madison is producing Serena now.

- Quinn, let's go.
- You gave the suitress to Madison?

You made it very clear

that you wanted no part
of the "toxic sludge"

that we're pumping into the world.

And I didn't want to get in the
way of your "Essential Honesty"

so I took you out of the mix.

You're welcome.

♪♪

Oh my God. America's sweetheart?

You stick with me kiddo,

and we're gonna have America
falling all over itself.

The network is really happy.

They're looking forward
to this week's fantasy theme.

Great. That's... That's great.

For you. It's just, um...

it's not really me.

Yes, it is.

See? That's you at the party.

No, no. I know that it's me.

It's just all the...
the nodding and the smiling.

- It's not who I am.
- What are you talking about?

Look at yourself. You're having a blast.

- But I'm not!
- You're a natural!

You just have to be
a little more... girlie.

Remember our plan.

You know, it's... it's very hard

to adjust to being on the show.

But don't worry. We'll
make it easy for you.

Trust me, we've got you covered.

[MOZART'S "EINE KLEINE
NACHTMUSIK" PLAYS]

Today, eleven valiant knights

will vie for the hand
of our lovely princess.

But who will be the purest of heart

and win that all important one-on-one?

Ah, Graham. You look like an idiot.

Okay, cameras. Grab me
some close-ups on these guys.

- Oh my God.
- It's like "Game of Thrones"

puked up Snow White. Ugh.

Oh, that's great. Push in.

- Push in!
- RACHEL: All right, Quinn,

look, I am really trying,
but this whole thing is just...

Well, Madison's got Serena's back.

So just produce your guys.

Quinn. This princess-in-a-castle
crap is dumb even for us.

Well, we're just trying
to fem your girl up, Rach.

This is end-of-days/
jump the shark time.

Doc, back me up.

It's an archetype
that's a little out of date.

That is working, okay?!

Come on. Tampon companies
are lining up to buy ads!

And Gary is texting me
about how happy he is.

- You know what that means?
- Yes.

That another over-privileged white guy

is happy with the status quo.

It means that he has had
to put the Kn*fe down

that he has been holding to my
throat for the past three weeks.

So, I am sorry if you two are not happy.

But I am. So deal with it.

Madison, we need our beautiful princess

smiling and waiting to be rescued.

- [RADIO CHATTER]
- Hi.

I'm Charlie.

Filling in for Freddy?

I'm really excited to work
with the Zeiss zooms.

It's my first chance getting
my hands on those new lenses.

Adds five pounds
to the front of the camera.

It's a real joy.

I can't breathe.

Well, you look amazing.

[MEN GRUNTING]

Boom! Ballet boy goes down.

Oh! The mouth-breathers
are gonna eat that up.

- Hey, you wanted to see me?
- Yes.

Pitch me. I want to hear what you got.

- What, like, right now?
- Yes, Jay.

We already have a meeting
on the books. Per your request.

So, am I gonna have to cancel that?

No. Obviously not. I just...

Um, you need to see this video...

No. Eyes are busy. Use your words.

[CHUCKLES] Okay.

Uh, so,

there's this gay underground dance scene

in New Orleans called "Sissy Bounce."

Don't flip out.
Sissy is the gayest word now.

- We've reclaimed it.
- Oh thank God.

♪♪

Hello. I'm Chet Wilton.

Take a journey with me, won't you?

Into "The Heart of American Television."

Where it is. Where it's been.

Where it's going.

- What're you doing?
- Join...

Jesus.

Uh, I'm doing behind the scenes
stuff, like "additional content."

- New media.
- Yeah, yeah, I got it.

- I just thought you wanted an Emmy.
- My...

I do. This is how you do it.
You engage the audience.

You can engage them all you want, Chet,

but, um, this is what
they're actually gonna see.

I mean, it's totally cheesy.

Okay, so, um, it's about making a space

for different kinds of maleness
within trap music,

which is a sub-genre of hip-hop,
which, as you know...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you kidding me? Trapped
in a gay, hip-hop, sub-genre?

- No. Quinn, that's not...
- Who are we supposed to sell that to?

A lot of places, Quinn.
I think it's an amazing way

to talk about male identity
and h*m*...

Have you ever heard
of network television?

I mean, I need
a four quadrant juggernaut.

Not like an eighth
of a quadrant niche show

that maybe gets
a summer run on basic cable.

Well, I think if you just, like,
actually saw this video...

No. Do better.

[SIGHS]

Oh, great.

- Ow.
- Are you okay?

I am great. All right? Just get
me a show that I can sell!

I mean, don't you want to make something

that people are gonna talk about,

not just laugh at? I mean, something...

something buzzy?

- Zeitgeisty?
- Exactly!

Ask these really hard questions
about men and women.

Like why this princess crap
actually works!

You know, you get these guys to say

what they would never say in public.

Get them to tell the truth!

Does Quinn know about this?

Okay, well, look, Quinn is
operating from a place of fear...

Which is not gonna help her
get the empire she wants.

It's never gonna get you
the Emmy you want.

I'm just saying that we are
sitting on a story.

That needs to be told.

And you are just the man to tell it.

Okay. This is crazy, because
that's what Crystal said.

Thank you, Rachel. Finally, I am seen.

- Let's do this.
- Mm.

♪♪

This is all I'm supposed to do?

Just stand here and smile?

Well, you could, like,
try calling out to them.

You know... like, "Help me! Save me!"

We're coming for you, Princess!

See? They love it!

This is just... beyond.

Fine. Will you at least
throw some of these?

I thought I was a c*ptive!
Why am I throwing out roses?

Who cares? Just toss them and smile.

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

So, how do you feel about today's date?

"Rescuing the princess?"

I don't know... It's goofy,

the whole, uh,

"protect your woman" thing.

But girls like it and we like it,

so...

Uh, why do you think that is, Owen?

I guess things were
just simpler back then.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Do you consider yourself a feminist?

What? No.

Uh, I mean... I'm...
I'm not much for labels.

So, you don't consider
yourself a feminist?

RACHEL: This is good. Here we go.

Just let him settle into the discomfort.
Don't say anything.

In my experience it can be an excuse

for some really selfish behavior.

Ooh. Good. We might be onto something.

What do you mean by "selfish behavior"?

Look... my ex-wife started calling
herself a feminist, and...

And then what?

You know, I'd just as
soon not talk about this,

- if you don't mind.
- No, we do mind!

Y-You, uh... Ask him again!

Uh, I-I...

Hey, look, I'm sorry. This is just
really important, Owen, okay?

It obviously affects the way you
feel about women. What did she do?

She just... made some choices. Okay?

- Did she cheat on you?
- Among other things... yes.

- Rachel...
- That's awful

and I'm really sorry it happened,

- but that shouldn't affect the way...
- Me? You're right.

But when I got home
from my last tour in Iraq,

my wife handed me our baby girl

and told me she was done being a mom.

So now I have to look into
my daughter's eyes every day

and explain why Mommy had
to "find herself"

with Daddy's best friend.

So, I'm sorry, but in my house,

feminist is just a fancy word for...

For what? It's okay. You can say it.

For selfish bitch.

- We've got to cut. I'm out of juice.
- No. We're fine.

- We've got...
- We need a fresh brick.

- We... We, uh...
- What the hell are you doing?!

Your only job is to roll
until I yell cut.

What did you want him to say,
Rach? What, that men hate women?

That we think you're
all manipulating b*tches?

- Put cameras on me I'll say it!
- That's enough.

You cannot let her get to you like that.

Well, I can't just stand by
and watch her work that guy.

You got to get the taste
of crazy out of your mouth.

[BOTH SIGH]

You've got to find another woman.

Worked for me.

Somebody light.

Fun.

Different.

[TRAP MUSIC PLAYS]

Yeah, I, uh... I had
this idea for a show.

- I love it!
- You do?

You know how strong
you have to be to do that?

You have to have muscles inside...

I know. A-And... And what's
so interesting about it...

Those asses are incredible!

Uh, yeah.

- I mean, there's definitely that, bu...
- Who's this guy?

Uh, his name is Xavier Chopin.

- He's from New Orleans and he's...
- He's a talent.

- Right?
- Absolutely.

- You know him?
- Yes, I know him.

- He's... a friend.
- What kind of friend?

He's obviously a very talented one.

This is all over the world, you know.

- Seriously?
- Absolutely.

Of course. Not this same, but...

The need to speak with the body.

In any city, there's a club

where this kind of thing is happening.

And is beautiful.

Huh.

Xavier is lucky guy.

♪♪

What did your ex-wife do to you?

Did she cheat on you?

What do you think? Too concerned?

Not concerned enough?

- Oh, perfect amount of concerned.
- Yeah...

We're getting good stuff here.

This is definitely Emmy material.

Our last three competitors are
stumped by the final clue...


a riddle to solve to enter the tower

and at last, save our princess.

It's a tough one! Let's watch...

[SIGHS] How the hell haven't
they figured this out yet?

And how is this supposed
to help me find true love?

Well, someone's gonna
get the one-on-one,

- and then you'll go on a date and...
- You know what?

Each knight pursues his holy grail

and he who listens ends the tale.

Does this have something
to do with the pony?

I can't take it anymore.
I just... I can't.

I cannot do this anymore!

Take this sh*t off of me!

- What the hell is this?!
- I just... I can't! Get this off of me!

Get this regressive,
patriarchal sh*t off!

Hey! No! Cut! Madison!

- I'm sorry, I just...
- Serena is your girl!

You have to stay on top of her!

No. Never mind.
I'm putting Rachel back on this.

Now, where the hell is Rachel?!

Oh! Grr!

God made the sexes different

and God don't make no mistakes,

so that right there
just goes to show that...

What the hell are you doing?

One second. Excuse me.

We are just sh**ting some B-roll.

- No, I didn't ask for B-roll.
- No, I know. We're just using it,

we were thinking, as a counterpoint...

Look, I don't need you
to tell me how to cut my show.

You're going rogue again, clearly.

She's not going rogue, she's with me.

Chet and Rachel. My dream team.

Hey. I hear you guys are interviewing
feminists. Where can I sign up?

- Oh, how ya doing, Quinn?
- Why are you talking to me?

Uh... I was just being cordial.

Have you met me? I don't do cordial.

Okay, I was... I was
just trying to be polite.

You know what? I am the
executive producer of the show.

I don't know who the hell
you think you are.

- Stop.
- No. You I need to go and fix Serena.

Now. Can someone help me
make this godforsaken show?

♪♪

[SIGHS]

- You okay?
- [SARCASTICALLY] Yeah. Super.

Really happy with the way
things are going.

Well, I was rather surprised

that they convinced you
to go the full Rapunzel thing.

I didn't have much of a choice,

because, evidently, me as me

is a little too strong
a taste for you guys.

Wait a second... that's not true.

Oh come on, I cleared the room
during the poker game. Why?

- Because I know Mark Zuckerberg.
- That's not what happened.

Oh, that is exactly what happened.

I'm sooo intimidating
because I have a job.

And a bank account.
And... And, most egregious,

- a point of view!
- Oh, is that what this is?

You know what?
Why don't you just go home.

Hop on Tinder. Or call up
one of the yoga instructors

I am sure you have on speed dial.

You don't know anything
about the women I date.

Oh, I'm sorry... Is it Pilates?

Or... Or spinning? CrossFit?

Whatever it is, I will bet to

you will never end up
with a "ball-buster" like me.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Hey, what was that?

Oh, God. Nothing.

Not a damn thing.

- Everything good?
- Peachy.

[SIGHS]

Have you come to gloat about how I
never should have listened to Chet?

No. I'm not doing that. But, look,
you got it out of your system.

You good now? You want me
to jump you back into ?

What, like...
as a slutty nurse or something?

No...

How about just finding a real-ass guy

that you want to hang out with
in the real-ass world?

Does that sound good?

Sounds...

fairly impossible.

- But I'm listening.
- Good.

Okay, so, the guy with the man-bun?

Ha! Who, August?

Yeah, I'm thinking he might
actually be that guy.

- The yoga dude?
- Look, I know what he looks like,

but I'm telling you,
he's so much more than that.

The guy has four years
in the Peace Corps,

right now he works
at this incredible NGO.

I mean, he's just, like,
a substantial human being

that cares about the world,
which I know you do, too.

That's a nice thing to say.

Listen, I know the kinds
of things that you invest in.

I admire the hell out of it.

I know that August is
going to admire it, too.

I really think you're gonna like him.

After a day in the past,

our princess is back
to thinking about the future.

Her future.

And that elusive holy grail
of true romance.

I'm sorry for my little
melt-down earlier.


AUSTIN: No, there's...
there's no need to apologize.


Oh, sure. Why would we have
a fantastic banquet table

with goblets and torches

when we could just
have two wicker chairs

and a Gerber daisy?

The princess thing was insane.

Right?

- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Yeah.

I guess they were trying
to soften my edges a little bit.

Well, I think your edges,
they look just fine.

Besides, I like a woman with a temper.

I lived with a matriarchal
tribe in Tibet.


They're the most majestic women
that you've ever seen.


Completely comfortable in their power.

I fell in love with
every single one of them.

I think he's so interesting.

They're definitely gonna click.

Yeah, after today, I would settle

for a middle school titty grab.

Vag still burning?

Only when I breathe.

Quinn just can't pull me
back to the B-team.

Okay, you realize I'm on
the B-team, too, right?

And I've been here a hell
of a lot longer than you have.

Well, yeah, but... I have
a show under my belt.

- You sh*t a pilot, Madison.
- Exactly.

And how many pilots do you
have under your belt?

Yo, man, Serena's
under a lot of pressure.


Give her a break.

Aw, Fireman. You're so sweet, bro.

- You're so sweet.
- My name is Owen.

I think Mr. Fireman really
wants himself some Serena.

- Yep.
- Don't you? Who doesn't?

JASPER: This is a reality TV show.

And I'm not an idiot.

Oh, well, maybe you just haven't
made much of a connection with her.

And you have?

Well, please enjoy that connection.

Because there's not a chance in hell
that you're going home with her.

Why is that?

Come on. How much do you make a year?

What is it? , K?

I don't know, man. She's already rich.

Maybe she don't care about money.

You know what people who make
a lot of money care about?

- It's money.
- Yeah.

I'll guess we'll just have
to wait and see.

How much do you want to bet?
Let's make this interesting.

Whoa, whoa! Who bets on women?

Are you kidding?
It's the only reason I'm here!

- What?
- You're here on a bet?

- Wait till Serena finds out.
- QUINN: Jasper's here on a bet?

I knew that Wall Street prick
was too good to be true.

We cannot let Serena
find out about this.

We cannot lose another wifey.

- Totally.
- I thought women were dramatic.

I mean, in the grand scheme of things,

we've got, like, four
minutes on this planet.

And they have to count
for something, right?

- Totally.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

I have to say, you're not
what I thought you'd be.

How's that?

Well, I thought you'd be
a little more woo-woo.

[ BOTH LAUGH]

Well, I'm... I'm pretty woo-woo.

Yeah, but somehow not annoyingly so.

Ugh. Except totally annoyingly so.

[SIGHS]

What is your problem with August?
You, like, loved him in casting.

- No, you loved him.
- Of course I loved him.

He's a Greek God
who wants to save the world.

- I mean...
- Oh, pbht!

Don't you wish that... that
we could get out of here?


Just spend some time in the real world?

SERENA: Where would we go?

Oh, Big Sur. Esalen's
right down the road.


Hot springs, sunset hikes...

You and me, naked in the redwoods.

Wow. That is... a lot.

Well, I just think, every now and
then, you gotta break the rules.


Oh please.

You see something you want...

then you take it.

What the hell is he doing?

- Oh my God. He's talking to you.
- What? No, no.

- Why would he do that?
- He's your UTI.

♪♪

- You're boning a contestant?
- Oh, nice work, Nancy Drew.

- What are you thinking?
- Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.

Um, weren't you the woman

who tried to run away with a contestant?

Yes, that's right. That was me!
That wasn't you!

You could get fired. I'm
just worried about you.

Wow. That's a new one.

I mean, look at you... you're
sick, you're drinking.

Those antibiotics don't even work
if you mix them with alcohol,

but you apparently can't stop yourself.

This is self-sabotage.

You know what? You are unbelievable.

After everything I have done for you.

I'm sick of this
"Essential Honesty" crap.

I'm sorry. What is that
even supposed to mean?

Have you ever stopped to think

about what the past few years
have been like for me?

Picking up after your messes,
covering sh*t up.

[SIGHS] Of course not,

why would you?

Because you always think
you know what's best.

Rachel always does whatever
the hell she wants!

It starts with a few
little B-roll interviews.

Next thing you know, two people are
dead at the bottom of a ditch!

[VOICE BREAKING]
I am just trying to help you.

Well, don't. I don't want it.

You begged me to come back.

Yeah.

Maybe that was a mistake.

I wanted my dragon back. Not this mess.

[ONYAY PHEORI'S "BANSHEE" PLAYS]

♪ Some would call this paradise ♪

♪ But you'll always pay a price ♪

♪ In Banshee, you'd take out
Granny if you could ♪

JAY: Rach, where the hell are you?!

The guys are, like, spinning out.
I need some Rachel magic. Please.

Flying in.

♪♪

Hey, Rachel! Where the hell is Quinn?

Serena's still on her date, and
nobody's even in the control room.

Why is this your problem, Madison?

Because I'm really worried about her.

She's been drinking. Like, a lot.

She was practically falling down the
other day, and Gary saw it too.

John the bartender says she's going
through a cart of liquor a week.

She needs help.

Like, rehab or something.

You know, there are people here
who can take over for her.

- I could talk to Gary.
- Rachel!

- There you are!
- Think about it.

Oh my God, you were
so right about August.

He is amazing. He's bright. And funny.

And the hotness is not even worth
talking about it's so overwhelming.

I had such a great time.

I mean, I just...
I felt like I was being myself.

I felt like he was being himself.


It just... Oh, it felt like how dates

are supposed to feel, you know? Easy.
And comfortable. And... oh.

Thank you. That's all I
really wanted to say.

This is exactly why I came on
this show in the first place.

What? Wait.

Why aren't you happy for me?

Okay, Rachel. What?

I cannot handle being jerked
around by the show anymore.

Please, if there's something
that I need to know,

just... just rip off the Band-Aid.

Rachel, please, just tell me the truth!

♪♪

There is no Band-Aid.

What are you talking about?
No, August is...

He is everything you hoped he'd be.

- [LAUGHS]
- I'm so happy for you.

Oh, thank you!

♪ You better be nice ♪

♪ Some would call this paradise ♪

- ♪ But you'll always pay a price ♪
- Hey, John.

Oh, hey, Rach. How's it going?

Not great.

Um, you're fired.

Wait. What? Why?

Why? Because you've been stealing booze

- and trying to pin it on Quinn.
- No. That's a lie!

I wouldn't steal booze.
I'm ten years sober.

Okay, well, now you're fired.

- Do you get it?
- But you can't fire me. Rachel!

You shouldn't have been talking sh*t

about the person
who signs your checks, dude.

So, what do you have to do
to win the bet, anyway? Huh?

You gonna ask Serena to marry you
just to get some kind of payout?

Look, you'd better tell her, or I will.

No one is telling anyone anything!

- Now, just chill out!
- Jay, please.

I don't need this.

I don't need the money.
I don't need any of this.

So, please, it has been
an absolute pleasure, gentlemen.

- Enjoy yourselves.
- Is there a problem?

♪ Mm-mm, mm-mm ♪

$ , if he's the first
one to sleep with her?

How did you not know about that?

Why is this a problem, exactly?
We can use it.

Blow it up when we need some drama.

Jasper is supposed to be a wifey!

He's still a wifey.
He's a villain-wifey!

It's k*ller... We can reveal
the bet in episode six

- and Serena...
- I don't need a villain-wifey!

- I need a wifey-wifey!
- Why?

Quinn, we are loaded to the
tits with wifeys this season.

We've got Owen, and August and...

- No, August is not a wifey!
- What are you talking about?

Of course he is. He's perfect.
He's amazing, actually.

- Hey, I've got to talk to Quinn.
- Jay was just leaving.

It's a little rough, but I think
you're really gonna like it.

Like what? What are you talking about?

This is the footage
that Rachel and I sh*t.

- No!
- [DOOR CLOSES]

I'm not doing a symposium
on gender politics.

Symposium? No, Rachel was right.

- We have a st...
- Rachel's right?!

No! Never!

Okay, look, you may have
come here on a bet,

but I've seen the way
you look at Serena.

- You like her.
- So what?

She's not into me. She's
made that very clear.

Of course she's into you.

And you're so clearly the front-runner,
we would not have a show

if we let you guys
get together right away.

What do you mean?

We talked smack about you.

I mean, that whole yoga teacher thing...

Where do you think she got that from?

You are the only one she has
expressed any real interest in.

Okay, that's great,

but don't you think
she has a right to know?

Of course I do.

But being a snitch is not sexy.

You know that. Don't blow it.

I mean, that whole date with August,
that was a complete fail.

- I just feel bad for her.
- Me, too.

That whole date with August
was a complete fail.

- That does make sense.
- But listen, don't even worry about it.

I promise you, we are not gonna
let her find out about that bet.

I appreciate your discretion.

Of course we're gonna
tell her about the bet.

- I just want to be honest.
- You're her guy.

- That's very sweet.
- I'm telling the truth.

- Really?
- Trust me.

♪♪

Hey, did you get a chance
to think about what I said?

Mm, yeah, I sure did. And I
just fired your buddy John.

- What? Why?
- Why? Because he's a drunk.

He's been stealing booze for years.

That's not true. Why would you do that?

He's a bartender, Madison. Okay?
He can find another job.

Not one with benefits.

His kid is sick. You know that, right?

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE]

- What?
- Like, cancer.

Without this job,
his insurance is gonna lapse.

Oh, my God. This is not
just some contestant

that we can kick to the curb.

This is real life.
This actually means something.

Why would you do that?

♪♪

You really are as bad as everyone says.

♪♪

What are you trying to say?

[SIGHING] Oh, no.

I'm running out of time, Quinn.

And I have to do something. [SIGHS]

This is for my boy.

Hmm.

[SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE]

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[GASPS]

You know, I really do want
for you what you want.

But you'll never get your empire

unless you swing for the fences.

And you're playing it real safe, hon.

Mm. Funny, I don't feel safe at all.

[SCOFFS]

[SIGHS]

[DOOR SLAMS]

[SIGHS] [DOOR OPENS]

Rachel?

Are you okay?

My heart's racing.

I can feel all the blood
rushing through my veins.

Okay, what's going on?

I just tell one lie, and I can't stop.

It's like breathing to me.

It's so easy. And it just feels so good.

I just, like, want it more and more.

What are you talking about?

All right, look. You... You were right.

I do use Essential Honesty as a shield.

I mean, I have to, because if I don't,

all of these horrible things
happen because of me.

I'm making them happen.
I mean, Quinn is right.

- Rachel...
- I am responsible for every bad thing

that has happened on this show.

That cannot be true.

Well, it is!

♪♪

You don't even know.

♪♪

[SIGHS]

Rachel.

This is a safe space, all right?

Everything you say here
is totally confidential.

I just want to understand.

♪♪

[SIGHING] Okay.

So, two people d*ed last season.

That's on me.

Quinn told me it was an accident.

- It wasn't.
- It wasn't?

No. I made it happen.

How did you do that?

♪♪

So, I went to Jeremy.

I had no idea what he would do,

but I knew that he would do
something, anything, to protect me.

And when I found out what he did,

like, running those people off that
road, I was completely horrified.

I never wanted him
to do anything like that.

♪♪

But the truth is,

it was really kind of
thrilling to have that power.

Does anyone have a on Rachel?
Elimination Ceremony is up.


♪♪

Rachel. Rachel, wait.

♪♪

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

♪♪

And so, our Tournament of Love
comes to an end.


And tonight only eight out
of our daring competitors


will receive a limited-edition,

customized, Swedish Army Kn*fe.

Swedish Army...

the solution for every problem.

QUINN: I mean, seriously?

We should all slit
our wrists with that Kn*fe.

Look, let's be honest.

I'm not a princess.

And my search for love is real.

It's not a fairy tale.

You don't have to be Prince Charming.

You just have to be a good man.

So, on that note, there is one person

with whom I've made a real connection.

♪♪

August.

I had an amazing time tonight.

Will you take this Kn*fe and stay?

Excuse me. Sorry, mate.

MAN: Hello.

[CHUCKLES]

SERENA: Warren. Will you
take this Kn*fe and stay?


Guy... Alexi...

will you take this Kn*fe and stay?

Two knives, five men.

Who will Serena choose?

Oh, oh, oh! What's going to happen?

Owen.

Will you take this Kn*fe and stay?

♪♪

[CHUCKLES]

- Thank you.
- Thank you.


♪♪

- [SIGHS] And finally...
- Serena, I need to say something.

- Jasper...
- I don't know what you may have heard,

or what these people
may have said about me,

- but...
- Jasper, stop. Please.

Is he gonna come clean?

Um, I'm the one who owes you an apology.

I lost my temper earlier today,
and I wasn't fair to you.

- Serena...
- No, Owen, just give me a minute.

I... Jasper,

you've been honest with me
since the first night.

Vulnerable, even.

Then, things got confusing
for both of us, I think.

I'm really hoping we can
find our way back to that.

- Yes.
- Great.

- Absolutely.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Thank you.
- Mmm. Thank you.

[CLICKING TONGUE]

Those boys look angry at each other.

[CHUCKLES]

PRESTON: So, I'm out?

Guess I liked that whole princess thing

a little too much.

Sayonara, Silver Fox.

All right. That's a cut!

Another glorious night of love

and passion and knives.

Great show, everyone.

[PAPERS RUSTLING]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

[LAUGHS] No, dude, seriously?

I told you, no booze for you.

Look, I had drug problem.

Alcohol is not problem.

There is new thinking on this.

- I have therapist.
- Uh, yeah.

You probably shop at the same
therapist store we do.

Come on.

Do a sh*t with me.

You know you want to.

[CHUCKLES] You know what?

No. Actually,

- I don't.
- You know what?

I don't believe you.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Night-night, Bouncy Boy.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS CONTINUE]

QUINN: Hey, Jay! Come on! Come pitch me!

Let's go!

Okay. Okay. I'm coming.

So, if you wanted to see
the rest of the lens series,

I'd be happy to show you. Got
them in the camera truck.

Ah, the "camera truck."

- I know what that's code for.
- What?

No. No, you said
that you wanted to see them.

I know I did. You're right.

I really do want to see them, just...

maybe not now.

Fair enough.

Hey, um, did you mean what you said

to Rachel earlier about feminism?

God, no.

Rachel just makes me a little nuts.

- You two were a thing, huh?
- We were.

- You know? Set life.
- I do.

It's how I know not to go
into the camera truck

and hook up with my boss
on the first day.

Smart. Smart.

You know, if you want to get to know
me and ask me out on a real date,

maybe I'll say "yes."

[ZIPPER CLOSES]

Okay, so listen. I know you weren't

into the whole Sissy Bounce thing.

And I get it. But imagine a show

about underground dance scenes
all over the world.

[SIGHS] More dance?

- Travel shows are tricky.
- No, Quinn.

This is so much more
than just a travel show.

It's about the universality
of the need for self-expression.

I mean, now, more than ever,
when the world is so fractured,

we need something that reminds us

how much we all actually have in common.

[SIGHS]

I mean, uh, I don't know.

Ugh. I just think foreign cruise and...

And Alexi's gonna host it.

- Really?
- Yeah. He's...

He's... He's so excited about it, Quinn.

Wow.

I mean, now, that...
that could be something.

- Yeah, Alexi has a huge following.
- I know.

His Calvin Klein campaign
was effing massive.

So, just as we're
premiering "Passport to Dance,"

we'll be getting free billboards
all over Times Square.

[CHUCKLES]

Look at you, thinking like
an executive producer.

Finally, somebody is
actually doing their job.

Yeah.

All right. Let's make it happen.

- For real?
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Thank you, Quinn.

You're not gonna regret it.

- Okay.
- [SIGHS]

[DOOR OPENS]

[SIGHS] [DOOR CLOSES]

Ah, ow.

Right there. See? Her? Just cut her out.

I know, Chet.

Just give me a second.

- That's amazing.
- Movie magic, dude.

Hey, Spence. Chet Wilton.

Listen, I got some footage

you might be interested in seeing.

Been thinking about you all night.

Uh, yeah. You made that
pretty damned clear.

I'm sorry. Was that too much?

I don't think anyone knows.

I mean, did anyone say anything?

- Did Rachel?
- Okay, you know what?

We are done.

Yeah, you're right. We are
never doing this, ever again.

August! I mean it. It's over.

Look, it never should have happened,

and as far as I'm concerned,
it never did.

♪♪

Rachel.

I want you to know,

coming to me was a very important step.

I want to help you
figure out where this...

this darkness comes from.

I like you, Quinn.

Why is that so hard to believe?

It's not. It's just ridiculous, okay?

If you want to stick around,

you have to get your head
back in the game with Serena.

Now, get the hell out.

[SIGHS]

Look. No. It's not Quinn.

Okay? She's the only
real person in my life.

Then what? Or who?

[SIGHS]

I can't.

This isn't going away, Rachel.

♪♪

♪ In the spark, we saw a world ♪

♪ Of who we could become ♪

♪ But then you shut it down ♪

♪ And you walked away ♪

♪ Before it had begun ♪

♪ I will drink my trail of tears ♪

♪ I will tell my tale of woe ♪

[LAUGHTER]

- ♪ I will drawl now ♪
- [SIGHS]

- ♪ I will walk somehow ♪
- [URINE TRICKLING]

♪ Then I'll come in, from the cold ♪

Aww.

♪ No more waiting ♪

♪ No more waiting ♪

♪ No more childish games ♪

♪ I will stand inside the fire ♪

♪ I will swallow all the flames ♪

♪ I will rage inside the fire ♪

♪ I will end this paradox ♪

♪ No more waiting ♪
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