02x05 - American Club-Jag Älskar Dig

[bunniefuu]

Hey, wow!

Look at you, Mr. Fancy Pants!

It's almost like you're a new person.

No Bruce, it's me.

I'm Gustaf.

Yeah, I can see that.

Wow, look at you!

You look like a new person.

God, what's wrong with you?

It's me, I'm Gustaf!

Can't you see that?

I can see that.

I'm going to the American Club.

I just want to make a good first impression.

And why are you going to the American Club?

You know you're not American, right?

The American Club is not just for Americans.

It's also for Swedes who have some connection to America.

And your connection is?

Bruce!

Oh!

Plus, I don't think he had anyone else to go with.

What?

I have plenty of friends.

That's not what Emma said.

What?

What?

Bruce: You said I don't have any friends?

(Laughing nervously) No!

Gustaf: Yeah, you did.

I'm pretty sure your exact words were, "Bruce has no friends".

Gustaf, shut your mouth.

I didn't say you don't have any friends.

I said you don't have many friends.

In Sweden.

Currently.

Now.

♪ We're not living in America ♪
♪ But we're not sorry ♪
♪ I knew there was something ♪
♪ That we never had ♪
♪ We don't worry, no ♪
♪ We're not living in America ♪
♪ But we're not sorry, no ♪
♪ We don't care about the world today ♪
♪ We're not sorry ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ For my baby, baby, baby, baby ♪

It's not my fault, you know?

I mean, Swedes are just really hard to get to know.

Back home, I was super popular.

I've heard.

I mean, people would call me all the time, sometimes for no reason.

You know, we don't do that here, we don't call people for no reason.

Yeah, maybe I'm going about it the wrong way.

No, this is not you. This is... this is a culture thing.

I mean, Swedes are...

Boring.

No.

Horrible.

No! I was going to say, it takes time.

Oh.

So, go away to your American friends and you can make fun of us horrible, boring Swedes.

I will. Thank you.

(Kissing)

I love you.

Have fun.

Okay.

Bye.

Wait... I'm sorry but... I'm just checking.

You're not mad at me for some reason, are you?

Mad? No!

Should I be?

I don't... No, I was just checking.

Okay.

Okay.

I love you!

Bye!

Why aren't you saying "I love you" back?

I didn't?

No. Twice.

It's just because... It's...

Do we have to say it all the time?

Not if you don't want to.

I do want to, but maybe we should just save the words for special occasions, when they really mean something?

They do really mean something!

"I love you" means "I love you"!

I know that, and I feel the same way.

But, do we have to say it all the time?

It feels like the words become meaningless.

Gustaf: Bruce! Got to go!

I wouldn't... Okay, um. Whatever, super weird.

Goodbye, Emma.

Goodbye, Bruce.

(Music)

Whoa, whoa. Hold up, man, you've still got the price tag on you.

God, no, no, Bruce! What are you doing?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to return clothes without the tags on?

You're going to wear the clothes then return them?

I finally figured it out.

How to live totally for free.

Oh, boy.

I buy clothes, wear them, return them, and boom, get money for new clothes.

It's the best idea I've ever had, Bruce.

Yeah, it's a good one.

(Ambient music)

Bruce: All right!

This is more like it.

Hey, guys! Welcome to the American Club of Stockholm.

Can I take your jackets?

Thanks, yeah!

Yeah.

I like this place already.

Check it out.

Isn't that Bengt?

Bruce: Hey, Bengt!

Gustaf: Bengt!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm sorry, you must have mixed me up with someone else.

Bengt, it's us!

Gustaf and Bruce!

Uh... Follow me, strange people who I have never seen before.

Let's talk.

(Rapid footsteps)

Whoa, that was close.

But I think I got away with it.

What are you guys doing here?

What am I doing here? I'm an American.

What are you doing here?

There are some things you need to know.

My name here is Samuel Jackson.

And I work for NASA.

Questions?

So many.

♪ In his anger and his shame ♪
♪ I am leaving, I am leaving ♪
♪ But the fighter still remains ♪
♪ He still remains ♪

(Acoustic guitar music)

♪ Lie-la-lie ♪

Both: ♪ Lie, la-lie-lie ♪
♪ Lie, la-lie ♪
♪ Lie, la-lie... ♪ Thank you.

♪ La, la-la-la, lie, la-lie ♪
♪ La-la-la, lie ♪
♪ La, la-la-la, lie, la-lie ♪
♪ Lie, la-lie ♪
♪ La, la-la-la, lie, la-lie ♪
♪ La-la-la, lie ♪

(Applause)

That was really good, man!

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, there was a couple of times there when you sounded exactly like the real guy.

(Chuckling)

You almost had me fooled!

Heh... yeah.

A lot of people say that.

Yeah.

Do you make a living off of this? Is this your job?

I... I can make a living from it, yeah.

You're kidding!

Yeah, I play...

Sometimes I play at little bit bigger places.

Bigger than this?

Yeah, I'm in between shows so I just thought I'd... while I'm in town, I'd do a little... little gig, work on some songs, things like that.

Right. What do you do?

I am "The Guy"...

It's hard to explain but celebrities pay me to show them around and take them places and set them up with, like, hotels and restaurants and things like that.

Oh, I knew a guy like that in Rome.

He was "The Guy" in Rome.

Exactly! Yes! That's the same concept, I'm the same... I'm "The Stockholm Guy".

Ahh, I see.

That version. Yeah.

Well, let's say I wanted to see the most important sights in Stockholm.

Where would you take me?

Oh, I'm sorry, I wouldn't.

I generally only take celebrities around, or people with a lot of money...

Oh, well you know, tonight was a pretty good night...

No, that's so sweet but no, I wouldn't dream of taking your money.

Use that for the bus or whatever.

Well. I'm going to take a cab, but...

Cabs are expensive. Watch out.

So, um, is there another Guy?

Oh, there's a lot of other... other lonely guys here if you're looking for...

Yeah, but I got to...

I got to get going.

Okay. Well, Guy...

Good luck.

Thank you so much.

And keep doing it. Don't ever give up your dream, man, because you've got something, okay?

Doesn't matter how... It's never too late.

So keep it up!

Oh, yeah... thank you.

Thanks. (Coins jingling)

Hey, man.

Hey. Are you new here?

Yeah, actually.

I'm Chuck, by the way.

Oh, hey. Bruce.

Wait, whoa. Um, what was that?

It's just a handshake.

So you met a black guy and you were thinking, "Oh, let's do the three-part handshake"?

No. No? No, no, God, no.

You sure?

Not like you want to jump in the car and have a drive-by and maybe start a cr*ck house?

What? No? No. That's a...

I would never... That's not my...

Okay. Yeah.

I'm so sorry, I didn't... Yeah, I'll...

(Laughing)

I'm just messing with you, man.

I'm just messing with you.

So what brings you to this cold part of the world, bro?

Ah, it's a long story, actually...

Wait. Let me guess.

Met a girl, fell in love, and now you're driving through the slush in a Volvo?

No.

No?

You missed it.

I don't have a Volvo.

(Laughing)

You're funny, man.

Yeah, you too.

To new friends. My brother.

No.

Oh, sorry. Yeah.

(Music)

(Chuckle) Yeah, my girlfriend and I are actually going to get married soon.

No! Really?

Yeah.

I asked my girlfriend, she was like, "Uh, why?"

I know. Sometimes it just takes time for them to get used to the idea.

Hmm.

I'm sorry, this has been bugging me, you know.

Have you ever seen the movie "48 Hours"?

Oh, dude, really? Stop. Please.

Really, seriously?

What?

You're going to do the whole, like, "Oh, you look like Eddie Murphy.

Can you do the laugh?"

(Imitates Eddie Murphy)

No. No?

I was going to say...

Nick Nolte.

Because...? Because, um...

You and Nick Nolte have the same... energy.

(Laughing)

(Sighing) Oh my God.

Again! (Laughing)

Seriously though, I really have to go.

I have to go work tomorrow.

Well you know, it's been great to hang out, man, it's great to finally find someone that I can talk to.

You know what? It's a bit old school, but here's my business card.

Oh, cool.

Boom.

You call me any time.

Okay. You call me Bruce.

(Laughing)

All right, man. Take care.

All right, I'll see you.

Hey, I love y'all!

Various: Love you, Chuck!

Hey.

Hey.

Oh. Oh. God, uh-oh.

You've got a stain, Gustaf.

How are you going to return those clothes now?

No problemo.

I just need to borrow 5,000 crowns.

5,000 crowns. For what?

You can't return a shirt unless they think you have money.

And they don't think you have money if you don't wear a nice suit.

Simple plan, Bruce.

That is simple.

Yeah.

You know, I would give you the money just to see you in a nice suit.

(Chuckling) Yeah.

But I don't have it right now. You know, this...

"The Guy" thing isn't really working out for me.

You should talk to Paul Simon about that.

Yeah. If I ever magically run in to Paul Simon, I'll ask him.

Last night was great.

Hm?

Yeah, me and this Chuck guy, we had so much in common.

Good for you.

Oh, he's a personal trainer.

That's great, huh?

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

What? I'm in shape.

You're in a shape.

A circle is a shape.

(Laughing)

I've got to go. (Kissing)

Bye.

Yep. See you later.

Wait.

The reason for your not saying "I love you" now is the conversation we had yesterday, right?

I mean, it's not the shape joke?

Hm, no. God, no.

Shape joke was great.

Thank you.

Also, I realized last night that I think Americans say "I love you" a little too much.

So I'm going to try to cut back.

Mmm. You're sweet.

Got to go. Okay, bye.

Goodbye, Emma.

I'll clean up here...

I guess... (Clearing throat, muttering) I love you.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I need to talk to you.

Okay.

You don't have any cakes or cookies? Fruit... OK, that'll do.

What happened to your sweater?

Oh, that? That's nothing.

I had a thought when I woke up, about how we're siblings and connected.

Like yin and yang?

I don't know them, so I wouldn't know.

More like, you work at a bank, I need to borrow money.

Boom, there it is! The answer is no. I need to get back to work Emma, it's only 5,000 lousy crowns. It's not even for me, it's for Bruce.

For Bruce?

Sssh! Lower your voice.

There's no one around, Gustaf. And why doesn't Bruce ask me himself?

I don't know. Maybe it's embarrassing.

Oh, stop it.

All I know is that we have to help him.

Chuck! He-e-ey!

Hey man, great to see you again.

Bruce, what's up man? What's up, baby?

Mm-mmm! Whoa...

Hey, are you good?

I'm good, yeah.

I'm psyched about this. Are we going to grab some lunch?

We totally are. But you know what?

I just had this great idea.

You know an awesome way to get to know each other?

Push up for your life!

Rah! Rah!

(Laughing)

(Hissing in effort) Come on, one more.

Arrrgh!

Yeah. Mmm!

Yes. Yes!

k*lled it, well done!

There he is.

(Laughing)

Let me grab those for you, man.

Thanks. You know, that was actually a good way to hang out.

Yeah, it was amazing.

So, should we go grab some lunch now?

Oh, dude I would love to but I have to stay, finish my work.

Yeah, but maybe next time, though, okay?

Yeah, grab a beer or something.

So, cash or credit, what do you want to do?

What?

Between you and me it would be for free but, um, I have my boss.

He's on my case so I have to charge you for the hour.

Okay, I thought... Uh...

Sorry.

All right, how much is it?

500.

Seriously?

(Laughing) No.

You get a friend discount. 350.

(Laughing) Okay?

Yeah.

You got this.

Gustaf mid-meal.

Bruce didn't need the money. You did!

Emma, calm down.

Just cut it out! I want my money now.

You'll get it back.

Oh, really? When?

Tomorrow. I'll treat you to breakfast. Catch you later.

Do you have any desserts I can sample?

(sighs)

I can't believe Gustaf and I share the same gene pool.

You really hit the jackpot with Chuck, huh?

I know.

A new friend and also free exercise.

Yeah. I mean, it wasn't totally free, but...

You had to pay for it?

Yeah. But I mean, you can't put a price on friendship, so...

Seems to me like Chuck just did.

Are you sure he's a friend?

I mean, he could be a really nice personal trainer.

No. God, he's a friend.

Sorry.

Yeah, I mean, what do you think, you can just walk up to someone too and be like, "Hey, excuse me, are you my friend?"

Like... People don't work like that, okay?

Plus I have a little bit of dignity left.

(Chuckling) I don't know, babe.

Okay, good night.

Good night, Emma.

(Click)

(Click) Okay, you know what? This has been going on long enough.

(Click) What?

The world needs more love, not less.

Okay, just a quickie, I'm really tired.

What...? No!

God, no.

No?

I mean, yes, eventually, but right now I'm talking about the "I love you" thing.

Oh, okay.

Yes.

What do you think people regret most on their death beds?

Saying "I love you" too much or not saying it enough?

Um... It's not a trick question, it's the second one.

Okay. Mm-hm.

I mean, when's the last time you told your parents you love them?

Never. Never?

No... I said never, so, not once. Oh my god, that's crazy!

You should!

People should say it more often.

And I'm going to say it. I love you, you're going to have to deal with it.

All right? And you know what else I'm going to do?

Don't call my parents.

Don't call your... You think I would honestly call your parents?

That is like the last thing I would do.

No, I'm going to call Chuck.

Because I'm going to invite him over for dinner, and then I can prove to you that he's a real friend.

You'll see.

We saw each other today so it might seem a little weird to call right now.

Uh... I should give maybe a day or two.

I'm going to call him tomorrow, that's better.

Okay...

(Snoring)

(Whispering) I love you.

I hope I'm not paying for this breakfast.

No, it's actually free.

How's that possible?

You just say your room number. They can't keep track of all their guests.

I give up. Just give me my money and get on with your life.

Returning the suit was trickier than I thought. Don't worry. I have a plan.

Go with me to the store. When I come in, you just turn around and say: Hey, aren't you the King of Luxembourg?

And I return the suit. Who can say no to the King of Luxembourg?

I can. "No!" I have to go. Good luck!

(Frustrated sigh)

Excuse me. Did you pay?

I haven't eaten. I just got here.

I swear.

How do you expect me to know that?

You can't just come and go as you please.

Room 313.

Thank you, sir.

We don't tolerate freeloaders.

Oh, I totally get that.

I'm not a freeloader. I'm staying here, too. Room 393..

There is no 393.

Did I say 93? Got, I'm really tired!

I meant 363.

Nope.

354. 352?

How much is it?

That'll be 300 crowns.

(Zipper unzipping)

That's what I'm talking about.

Swedes know exactly how to work out.

Beautiful.

Hey! My buddy, my pal, Bruce!

What's up, man? So, I've been thinking.

How about we take what we've got here to the next level? Step it up.

(Sigh)

I'm so happy to hear you say that, because I was thinking the exact same thing.

Well, I guess great minds think alike, right? - Yeah.

So we want to have you over for dinner.

Oh!

Yeah!

You can meet Emma... and I can meet your girlfriend.

That is... exactly... what I was thinking.

Okay, so we're on.

We are so on.

And on that note, how would you like to be a full time member at the gym?

Are you on Bruce?

You've reached Viveka and Birger. Please leave a message after the beep.

(Electronic beep)

Hi, it's me. Well, I just wanted to say that I... love you. Yeah, that was it. I love you. Bye!

(Music)

You've got to try this.

Mmm.

It's good, right?

Oh, I'm looking forward to that.

I know, me too. I can't wait.

(Sigh) So, uh...

What time are they coming?

Stop it, okay? They'll be here.

Yes, honey.

They're just running a little late.

I mean, I just find it a little odd that he also wanted you to sign up for a full year at the gym, but that's...

No, no, that was for a discounted friend price.

Mmm.

So that's not strange at all.

He'll be here.

Mm-hm.

(Door bell chiming)

Ha-ha!

Mm-hmm.

In your face. (Giggling)

I told you they'd be here.

Chuck...

(Muffled voices, footsteps)

(Whimpering)

Honey, we came as fast we could.

Sweetheart, what's the matter?

Are you depressed? Is it wedding anxiety? God, I knew it!

Hold on! I'm not depressed.

Then what was that horrible phone call all about?

What? Oh, you mean my message! The one I left on your machine...

I just called... to say I love you.

(Laughing)

Honey, don't ever pull that stunt again! We got really worried.

Bruce: Oh, no...

What?

They're not coming.

Aw... I know.

Chuck sent me a text.

He says there is some sort of water leak at the gym.

Water leak?

I know...

You do know what this means, right?

Yes.

It means I've got to go down there and help him out.

No. That's not what it...

Emma, that's what friends do, okay?

It's good to see you guys, I love you.

Chuck: (Shouting indistinctly)

Two more, come on! One more!

You did it, baby! You a lion!

You are the beast!

What's going on here? What's going on here?

(Stammering) You said there was a water leak!

There's no... How could you do this to me?

I mean, I thought we...

I gave you the three-part handshake.

You think I just do that with anybody?

I only do that with cool people.

I thought you were, but...

You're not cool, okay? You're not.

You're like the opposite of cool.

You're like... hot.

It's not... You know what I mean, because it's not...

(Exasperated sigh) I'm having trouble with my emotions right now.

I'll be honest, okay?

And you, you know what you are? You're just someone who takes money for companionship. There's a word for people like that.

You know. It's called jerks. Okay, that's who you are.

You're a jerk. Okay.

And you, you think this is going to last? You think you got something special?

He does this with everyone.

I made you dinner!

Okay? This is crap because you know what I am a nice guy.

People... Sometimes... I made you dinner.

Who's ready for another set?

I am.

You is.

Who's going to k*ll it? You...

Watch out, it's a hippopotamus...

(Grunt)

At least the food is good.

Is it? I'm not sure about anything anymore.

Honey...

There's a Swedish saying:

"If you lose one, there are a thousand more waiting for you when... you get..."

I don't know, it sounds so much better in Swedish.

God, I hope so.

But my point is, it's his loss.

Because you're great.

I love you, Bruce Evans.

Wow. You said it.

(Laughing) Yeah...

It's a special occasion.

Now that you said that, I'm going to say that I really respect you as well.

(Mock gasp) Very much, Emma.

You do?

Yes.

Mmm.

I'm just kidding, I love you...

Yeah, I know, I know.

Bengt: Oh, I think this is too Italian for me, actually.

Oh, good God!

Excuse me, sir. But I have to ask you: aren't you the King of Luxembourg?

Oh, but I am.

How did you recognize me in my... (Mouthing silently) ordinary, everyday clothes?

And who might you be?

I'm Samuel Jackson. From NASA.

The King of Luxembourg wishes to return his suit.

It smells like cheese.

Wow, you wouldn't want the King of Luxembourg to be unhappy, would you?

Hello.