02x06 - Swedish Bachelor Party-Svensexa

[bunniefuu]

(Music)

Jack!

Welcome to Sweden.

Thank you. You must be The Guy?

I am The Guy. I'm the Stockholm Guy.

I'll get you anything you need.

Get over here.

What?

Man hug.

Give it. Give it!

I can't tell you how excited I am, I've been practicing my Swedish.

Check it out.

Okay, I don't know what that means.

You don't know what that means?

I thought you were The Guy.

I was told it's one of the most popular phrases.

Now I know what that means, that's... I think that was something that the tourists... say when there's, like, an emergency or something.

Oh, well that's good to know.

Yeah, I know that.

_ Yeah.

Shall we do this?

Let's do it, yes.

I want to do everything, man.

I've got the whole day free.

I want to go to the Vasa Museum, I want to go to the ABBA Museum, I want to get me some of them sweet-ass Bjorn Borg underpants, the tight ones, if you know where they are?

Yeah, okay, wow. You've really done your research.

I'm psyched! Yeah, Jack Black in Stockholm.

Let's do it, we get the whole day.

Let's do this! (Laughing)

I just thought we would start with...

Ow...

Hey... what? What's....

Is this a joke?

He just got kidnapped. Did anyone see that?

Can anyone hear me? Am I...

Is there a roll on it?

(Shouting)

Bruce: Ah!

Why?

♪ We're not living in America ♪
♪ But we're not sorry ♪
♪ I knew there was something ♪
♪ That we never had ♪
♪ We don't worry ♪
♪ No, we're not living in America ♪
♪ But we're not sorry, no ♪
♪ We don't care about the world today ♪
♪ We're not sorry ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ For my baby, baby, baby, baby ♪

Is this a ransom thing?

Because I don't have any money! I've nothing!

There's no one that's going to be looking for me at all if it's ransom. You picked the wrong guy!

(Car engine stops)

No, no, no, please don't.

Please don't, I'll do anything.

All: Surprise!

Bachelor party-y-y-y!

No, no! Not cool!

Not cool at all, I mean...

What the hell, you guys?

Hassan...

Hello, Bruce.

Hi.

And... you?

I'm sorry, who are you?

I'm Karl, Sofia's boyfriend.

Right...

Who's Sofia?

My girlfriend. Emma's colleague.

Right, yes.

Thanks for coming.

He has a car.

Okay, that makes sense.

I guess everyone's here.

Hassan, I don't...

Sorry, I don't get it, why are you here?

I have my reasons.

Okay. Can someone help me out of this car?

(Grunting)

God, whoo!

Oh man, that was... that was the worst, I thought I was going to die in there.

Yea-a-a-h, whoo!

(Cheering)

That's not... that's not a good thing, I almost peed myself.

(Cheering)

Welcome to your first Swedish Bachelor party.

This is how we do it.

You should have checked with me first, okay?

What if I had something important to do?

Did you have something important to do?

Yes, actually I did.

Yea-a-a-ahh!

(Cheering)

Listen, Hassan.

It's been a while, and...

I'm sorry I lied to you about being Canadian.

You know, that was... that was wrong.

Yes. That was wrong, Bruce.

That was wrong.

Right.

Did you send the email?

Yeah, sure, sure!

I wrote that she had to come here immediately so it's fine.

Perfect!

When she comes, tell her she's getting fired, she'll be all "Whaaaat?"

And then we come in and go like, "wohoo mohippa"!

A what? A what?

"Mohippa", it's the Swedish word for bachelorette party.

Mohippa?

Yeah, mohippa. You can handle this now?

Yeah, sure. You can all relax, I took, ahem, drama classes in school, so...

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

What's the password?

The what?

Password! That's a good idea.

We'll be listening through the door, so when we hear you say it, that's when we come in!

Oh, oh, password!

Uh... the... the... it will be... the password is, uh...

Come on, something!

She's coming! She's coming!

And action!

So, uh, can you tell me a little bit about what, uh, what went down here. What happened?

Okay. From right over there, there's like three or four masked men, all in black, and they just grabbed him, and they just took him out to the car, slammed the door, and they drove off.

Boom! It was so fast.

So you just... you stood there and... didn't do anything about it, or...?

Well, I was in shock, and I didn't do nothing, I yelled out to everyone: Okay, okay. First things first.

We do like this now.

We take a little selfie here you and I.

What?

Yes.

Put on the happy face here.

(Camera shutter clicking)

He was kidnapped!

Yes.

You understand?

So, take it easy now.

(Sighing)

Uhm, do you know the name of this person?

Uh, I... yeah I don't remember his name, he was... The Guy?

Hm, okay, I know that he's a guy but what is the name of the guy?

No, I mean, he's The Guy! Of Stockholm!

I don't remember his name, it was, you know...

What did he look like?

Bra, that's a... that's a good question, yes?

Um... Just like a normal face, very plain, total nothing.

Okay.

So I think we do like this. You, Janne?

We take a picture with you and Jack Black there.

Are you kidding me?

Okay, yes!

There you are.

He was kidnapped.

That's a nice face.

He was kidna-a-a-apped!

Okay, whoo. Whoo!

Let's do this, I guess.

Bachelor party, all right?

This could be fun. I have a few ideas of things we can do.

No, no, no, no. You have no say in it.

We have everything planned out.

It's going to be a nightmare.

Did you hear about the guy they rolled up in a carpet and left him upside-down till he d*ed?

That sounds absolutely horrible.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Hey, hey, Bengt, forget about the carpet, we'll just do safe t*rture.

Wait, I don't want any tor...

What if... what if I just say no?

You can't, it's illegal to say no.

This is going to be the worst day of your life.

We're going to make you suffer.

That's why I'm here!

They promised me that you will suffer-r-r-r!

(Cheering)

(Music)

(Sighing)

Oh, this is so fun, what are they saying?

It's hard to translate, it's mostly Swedish, uh, sayings.

Ah, cool. Yeah...

Password.

Password?

Password!

Password?

(Shouting) Password!

Surprise.

Various: Surprise.

Yay!

Hey!

Good job!

Olof: Yeah, did you hear it?

Diane: Yeah, it was really good.

Olof: Pretty good wasn't it, yeah?

Diane: Really good.

Olof: Hippa. Yeah...

One for Bengt, one for Bruce.

Thanks. One for...

Karl. Karl.

Yeah, Karl, right.

So, this is going to be the craziest party ever.

It's going to be legendary.

We'll be telling our grandkids about this.

The day that Bruce almost d*ed.

Oh.

(Mixed laughter)

Hey, look at this, a tattoo machine.

Don't you need a license for that?

In Sweden? No.

Okay Bruce, you want to get sh*t by paintballs or you want to wear a pink rabbit costume?

Hmm, neither.

Okay. Okay.

(Dramatic string music)

(Mixed shouts)

(Paintball g*nshots)

(Music)

(Paintball impact)

(Music)

(Roar of helicopter)

(Music)

(Soft piano music)

Diane: Mohippa whoo!

Mohippa hey!

Mohippa whoo!

Emma: Hey, what's this?

This is a box of questions I had everyone put together.

Oh, wow!

Mystery questions.

How exciting.

Okay. "Be honest.

Name one thing that you hate about every person here."

I... I might have covered that one already?

Oh, you have?

Mm. Yeah.

So, next question?

Yeah.

"Which one of your friends is most likely to sleep with a friend's boyfr..."

You know what? This is just a silly game.

So, mohippa!

Mohippa! Mohippa! Mohippa!

Mohippa! Mohippa! Mohippa!

Yes, we say cheese.

(Camera shutter clicking)

That's great!

Thank you very much!

Uh, is there any more people who want to be picture taken here?

Yes, you over there too?

Oh, my god.

Okay dolls, here you go. Tequila!

Emma: Whoo-hoo!

(Chuckling)

Sofia: There you go.

Oh, hello old friend.

Yeah, just one more.

You know what? I'm sorry.

I... I love you guys.

You're the best.

I've been stressed lately and I've said some stupid stuff.

Okay? Sorry.

Let's just don't think about that and make this the best bachelorette party ever.

Everyone: Cheers! Cheers. Cheers.

(Laughing)

Diane: Ah! Good.

And I'm sorry I said Jenny made out with Anna's boyfriend.

That was just...

What?

Hm?

It was Mattias?

You... You made out with Mattias?

Oh.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Woman: Girls, stop!

(Sighing) All right guys, I get it, Okay? I know where this is going.

Okay, I'm not an idiot.

Just for the record, I don't like lap dances, okay?

The stripper thing kind of freaks me out, so...

I mean, I'll do it if you guys insist, but...

Let's just get it over with quick.

There's nothing quick about this, Bruce.

What?

Gustaf: Now, good luck.

Can we just... go get some beers or something, or...

No, this is fun.

This is tradition.

Now it's time for your fight.

Fight? What fight?

(Bell clanging)

(Music)

Everyone is so happy again.

(Laughter) It makes me glad.

(Laughing)

You know what I'm thinking?

You know, everything is Olof's fault.

Ooh...

I mean, if it wasn't for Olof, we wouldn't have had all this fighting, so it's not my fault, right?

Various: No.

Waiter: This one is also from Mexico.

It has a bit more distinct flavour.

Emma: Mmm!

A bit more on the flower side.

Diane: Everybody? You know what?

Emma is right.

Thank you.

Olof is a d*ck.

(Laughing)

You know what we should do?

I think we should go back to the office and do a prank in his room.

Yes!

Everyone: Yeah!

In his room, let's go! Come on!

(Music)

You didn't think I was so good, huh?

Hey, guys.

Bengt: Hello, Chuck.

Hey, Chuck!

Chuck: Hey man!

What are you doing here?

It's your stag party.

Oh my God, I can't believe you came!

Of course I did!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Get into the game!

Oh, I'm sorry man.

Fight!

I got it, yeah!

(Grunts)

Ding!

Damn!

Good, right?

Yeah, yeah, you k*lled him, you k*lled him.

Okay, well, take care then.

Oh, you're leaving?

Oh yeah, they only paid for the one hour so...

I'm out! Okay?

Don't block with your face.

See you guys!

Karl: Bye, Chuck.

Chuck: Take care!

He's not that tough, I think I can take him.

You got to eat lightning and you got to crap thunder.

Crap thunder?

Well, it's from "Rocky".

Okay. Yeah.

Out of all the "Rocky" quotes you chose that one?

Yeah.

Ding!

(Music)

Oooh...

Oowah, oowah...

(Laughing)

Move like a butterfly.

Sting...

(Thud)

All: (Triumphant shouts)

Bruce, have some more pizza.

Oh, I can't eat, man.

I think I have a concussion.

Here, try this.

Excuse me, is there only one pizza?

We had to make some budget cuts because of the entertainment.

Entertainment?

Yeah.

I booked some entertainment.

So, there is no more suffering for Bruce?

No! Now is just party, party, party!

Okay. Goodbye.

Bye...

Be good, Hassan.

Maybe we could put post-it notes on all his stuff!

Or we could rearrange the furniture.

Or we can put his papers in the wrong order.

Aaaaaahhhhhhh!

(Crash, clatter)

(Tattoo pen buzzing)

(Slap) Next!

Gustaf: Hey Bruce, look!

(Drunken giggling)

I don't get it, "SFIA"? What does that mean?

Oh! "Sofia"!

That's... that's great, man.

She's going to love that.

Yeah? Yeah.

(Laughing and snorting)

Hey man, when is the entertainment coming?

Man, it's not my thing.

We both know that, but I just wanted to make sure I didn't, you know, it's getting late and...

Soon, Bruce. Okay.

(Knocking on door)

Woman: (Muffled) Hello?

Aah! Speak of the devil.

(Door slams open)

Sorry, you're going to have to do this in English.

We've received complaints.

Right.

From the neighbours.

Mm-hmm.

The music is too loud.

Right, yeah.

You guys are good.

Hey, nice try, guys!

You think I'm going to fall for the old police officer thing?

(Chuckling) Classic.

You see, now, this is not really my thing, okay?

Look at that g*n, it almost looks real.

Oh, wow! You guys are really taking this all the way, huh?

All right!

Turn the music down or everybody is coming with us.

It's not really my thing.

Okay?

(Music)

Who's the one that's getting married?

Cool, the entertainment is here!

(Music)

I'm sorry for making fun of you guys.

I honestly thought this was a joke.

I thought this was part of the whole... bachelor party thing.

I mean, you guys with...

Those uniforms are ridiculous.

What?

Your uniforms, it's misspelled.

And all that, I thought that it was just...

Excuse... Take it a little easy now, okay?

(Burping)

Stop raping. Yeah.

No more raping.

I'm sorry, I didn't...

Please, can you be a little quiet now?

Uh-huh.

Just... just so you know, you guys didn't read me my rights.

That's not a big thing for me...

OK, listen up, no no.

In Sweden we don't have, eh... rights.

No rights in Sweden, no. No.

No, okay.

It's your American TV, film, so... Not here, okay?

Okay, it's been a long day, I'll be honest.

(Knocking on door)

Oh, yeah.

I think there's someone here to see you now.

So it's... might be your lucky day, as they say.

I'm your attorney. Can you please leave the room?

Okay. We'll be out here if you need me.

(Door closing)

I'm so happy to see you.

You got to get me out of here.

Of course.

We just have to go through some formalities first.

Yeah, anything you want.

Is it okay if I record this?

Yeah, of course. Get it all on tape.

I've got nothing to hide.

(Dance music)

Oh no... no, no, no, no!

I don't need... no, this is... I really don't... this is not my thing. It's, can we not...

Please stop, I don't...

Oh well, hm.

No, but yeah, uh... no.

(Cellphone ringing)

(Cellphone ringing)

(Loud thud)

Ugh! (Grunting)

(Grunting)

(Sighing)

So, how did it go for you?

Uh, great, good, fine. You?

Good. Yeah, it was good.

It was great.

O-o-oh.

How did it go with Jack Black?

Jack Black!

Hello, Sherry.

Yeah, get me on the next flight out.

I don't care where. Anywhere.

This is the most dangerous place in the world.

Yeah, they kidnap people willy-nilly.

Tell my wife I love her.