02x04 - Lady Parts

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Lucifer...

(gasps)

AMENADIEL: What does Father want?

Someone's escaped from Hell.

I think He wants me to bring our jailbird back.

Mum.

Mom: What are you hiding?

Amenadiel: Nothing. (screams)

LINDA: I admire the steps you're taking. It's hard going out on your own.

Maze: I need to figure out where I fit in in this world, and to do that, I need some space.

You see, I did make a promise.

I told you that you could stay here until I figured out how to reconcile my deal with Dad, and now I have.

You shall remain right here, on Earth, amongst the creatures you so despise, as one of them.

Mom: But that husband...

And there's children, right?

Lucifer: Have you considered how your fighting affects those caught in the middle?

CHLOE: You've been working so hard to make it right.

DAN: You were right, before. We've been living in the past for too long. It's time we get a divorce.

♪ ♪
♪ I can't stop listening ♪
♪ To this voice in my head ♪

(drone buzzing)

♪ Got me tearing through the covers ♪
♪ On this rusty spring bed... ♪

Man: Damn it, Leroy.

♪ Flames kissing my back ♪
♪ That's all I remember ♪
♪ And then everything's black... ♪

Damn it, Leroy.

♪ Someplace hot in my soul ♪
♪ Hello, transmission ♪
♪ Now you're in control ♪
♪ I look up ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I look down ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Everybody's bathing in holy water... ♪

Damn it, Leroy.

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Wear their crowns ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh... ♪

S-H-A-G.

"Shag." (laughs)

LUCIFER: Oh, eight points to me and suck it, Maze.

LINDA: I see you have a new toy.

LUCIFER: Oh, this? No, no, no. This is for work. It's hard to believe I've never had one before.

LINDA: I actually have a rule about... phones during session.

LUCIFER: Really?

LINDA: No phones during session.

LUCIFER: Oh, why not? These things are incredibly therapeutic. 1,000 Tinder dates and Sex Words With Friends? Gosh, it's more addictive than a whore's navel cocaine.

LINDA: Uh...

(phone chimes)

LUCIFER: Fine. Oh! Lovely. Gummies. Love these. And, do you know, I've never understood these. Are they just decorative, or are they for juggling? I mean...

LINDA: Yeah, you seem very distracted today.

LUCIFER: Oi! Oh, nearly. Okay.

LINDA: Sometimes, when we're in crisis, we create distractions for ourselves, also known as barriers to facing our deepest fears.

LUCIFER: Oh, sorry... right. This is the part where you, um, dissect my deep psychological wounds, eh? The emotion-charged gong show of a child of divorce who may or may not have broken a deal with his dad by allowing his mum to stay on Earth.

LINDA: Mm. Has the visit with your mom been hard?

LUCIFER: Piece of cake, actually. Mum's all sorted, not a problem.

LINDA: Really? Because the last time you were here, you used the word "frightened."

(chuckles softly)

LINDA: And that's not like you.

LUCIFER: Well, turns out Mum's a peach.

LINDA: Hmm. And the "deal" with your dad?

LUCIFER: To send Mum home? What, you think I'm scared of Him or something?

LINDA: I think you're trying to avoid the unpleasantness of conflict.

(exhales)

LUCIFER:Hold on. So you're saying that distraction is a way to avert your problems.

LINDA: No.

LUCIFER: Ergo, the more I distract, the less I worry.

LINDA: No, I did not say that.

LUCIFER: Well, you didn't need to, Doctor, I just did, and it's bloody brilliant.

LINDA: Right. Where are you going?

LUCIFER:Distraction calls. This really is a breakthrough, thank you. I'm just gonna...

LINDA: Sure.

♪ ♪

(phone blipping)

LUCIFER: I mean, who needs a g*n and a badge when I've got... oh! (laughs)

CHLOE: Hey, it's a crime scene. Will you focus?

(crow cawing)

LUCIFER: Well, someone's a grumpy pants today.

CHLOE: Well, sorry, I got a lot on my mind.

LUCIFER: Yes, sorry, you have, haven't you? D-word, moving out of your mum's, finding a new place...

CHLOE: Yeah, well, I'm a big girl and I need my space, and it's time. Not that I have much with work and Trixie.

LUCIFER: Stress can be so aging. (sighs) You need a distraction from your woes, Detective. It's a highly effective tool.

CHLOE: Mm-hmm.

WLUCIFER: When was the last time you had fun?

CHLOE: Oh... well...

LUCIFER: No, seriously, name three friends you could call right now for a drink. And you can't say me, your child or the man you're divorcing.

CHLOE: Well, trust me, Dan is not on my list of drinking buddies.

Well...

LUCIFER: Daniel.

CHLOE: Hey. I didn't mean it like that.

LUCIFER: (whispers): She did.

CHLOE: What do we have on the vic?

Young female.

C.O.D. unknown.

Another fresh-faced ingenue.

Truly tragic.

CHLOE: I.D.?

No personal belongings, just a, uh, a triangular-shaped ink stamp on her hand.

Oh, hold on. I might be able to help with this. This is something someone might find at a "night club." You know, where humans go to have "fun"?

We found an abandoned vehicle registered to Uber.

No sign of the driver.

LUCIFER: Password's "Carnal," capital "C."

CHLOE: Uber I.D.s are usually linked to the driver's phone, not the car. And now that we have his number, by the looks of this map, our guy is on the corner of Crescent and Third.

LUCIFER: Impressive.

Yeah, it's called "police work."

Let's solve a m*rder.

Automated voice: I can assist you with that.

LUCIFER: (laughs) It's brilliant.

♪ ♪

CHLOE: Her name's Daria Mitchell. We traced her credit card to a small bank in Nebraska. We know you were the last one to see her alive.

I didn't touch her!

Well... except to toss her cold, dead corpse into the bushes and run.

I told you.

I picked her up on the corner of Gower and Franklin, gave her a ride, and then she jumped out of my moving car.

You just left her there to die?

By the time I pulled over and found her, she was already...

I'm on new meds. I wasn't thinking straight.

I just got this job. I panicked.

k*ller cliché: "I panicked," closely followed by...

T-Talk to the other guy!

CHLOE: What other guy?

She used my phone to call somebody.

Her boyfriend, I don't know.

She wanted to go over to his place, he threatened to k*ll her.

(phone rings)

Oh! Excuse me.

Oh, it's you.

CHLOE: Ella's got something.

(door opens)

♪ I rule ♪
♪ I rule ♪

(groans)

Looks delicious.

(sighs)

Did you come here to gloat?

I just came to see how the supreme goddess was acclimating.

Well, I wouldn't plan a festival of celebration just yet, my dear.

I will not let this... spicy chicken casserole b*at me.

I'm stronger than you think.

Maze: Glad to see you're fitting in so well.

Ha. Well, of course there have been challenges.

Nothing I can't handle.

I'm still on a sabbatical from work, so I spend the bulk of my day at home with the... children.

Factories of filth. Of mire. They remind me of you, actually, if I'm being honest.

And how's that human husband?

GODDESS: I discovered a trick with him. Whenever he asks a question, I just have sex with him. Seems to render him mute.

Hmm. Took me a while to figure that one out.

GODDESS: As for the rest of it, for lack of a better word, it is absolute... hell.

Well, if it's so bad, why don't you just go back?

GODDESS: Why? So that you could go back to torturing me for another millennia?

Sounds like fun to me.

GODDESS: Yes, these humans are awful. They breathe through their mouths, and they won't...

shut up about something called gluten. But existing in this punishment allows me to be closer to my family. Understand? Of course not. You're all alone.

♪ I rule ♪
♪ I rule ♪
♪ Then you got no women and there you are ♪
♪ Some girls are sadistic, materialistic ♪
♪ Lookin' for a man makes them opportunistic ♪

Oh. Sorry. I...

I like to rock it old school when I'm working.

Know-what-I'm-sayin'?

I do.

LUCIFER: And rock you should. I'm sure, studying m*rder all day, you could use a little diversion. Everybody could! (music gets louder) Mm!

♪ You got it ♪
♪ You want it, baby ♪

(music turns off)

CHLOE: Thank you.What do you got for me?

Well... I found a poison in Daria's stomach contents.It's called mandrake, it's like this crazy organic hallucinogen, and... you want to know the really interesting part?

LUCIFER: Mm-hmm!

It would've taken at least 90 minutes for it to kick in.

The Uber driver had back-to-back rides all night, and he didn't pick up Daria until 30 minutes before she d*ed.

Exactly. He would've barely had time to t*rture her with his subpar jazz and creepy dude cologne, let alone poison her.

CHLOE: Right. We get anything from vice on the hand stamp?

Nada. But tech did track down that number that Daria called.

Davis Fitzgerald.

Owns some hot restaurant in Silver Lake.

LUCIFER: Food is supposed to be amaze-balls. Deadly and delicious.

Mm-hmm. It's been on my list of places to check out since I moved here.

LUCIFER: Oh, social butterfly, are we? Perhaps you should, uh, drop by Lux sometime, and we... could, you know... Yeah.

CHLOE: Thanks, Ella.

♪ ♪

CHLOE: Well, looks our murderous boyfriend's doing well for himself.

LUCIFER: Yes, your realtor did say this is a lovely area.

CHLOE: I have a realtor?

LUCIFER: Well, I took the liberty of calling several on your behalf, actually. It was a good hour of distraction.

CHLOE: A: Since when have you ever cared about my living situation. And B: I could never afford this place.

(door opens)

Well, I...

(draws g*n)

Get the hell off of my property!

LUCIFER: Well, you're in luck, Detective. If this home's the site of a recent m*ssacre, you may well be in an excellent negotiating position.

CHLOE: Put down the Kn*fe, and no one else needs to get hurt.

Yes, the Sweeney Todd thing's a bit histrionic, don't you think?

Davis: Oh, you're cops?

Sorry. The militant vegans next door been up in my grill all day long.

I assumed it was them again.

(scoffs)

Come on out back.

(chuckles) I hope you hungry.

Tasty as charged.

See?

We're making artisanal sausage.

LUCIFER: Ah. DIY butchery? Macramé class all full up, was it?

Farm to table, man. For my restaurant Ellipsis.

Oh, yes. I've heard the grilled polenta's divine.

We also brew our own kombucha, keep bees.

Keeping it real.

Yeah, there's no hormones in this meat.

LUCIFER: And speaking of your meat, Davis... are blonde Nebraskans organic or GMO?

Your girlfriend Daria Mitchell was found m*rder*d last night.

m*rder*d?

Gisele: Girlfriend? Is there a waitress you haven't slept with?

(grunts)

My gosh. Is hipster infidelity really more egregious than homicide?

Babe, I don't know anything about that!

Infidelity or homicide?

Just... Either.

Okay, look, I had a little fling with Daria, but I didn't k*ll her.

We got into a fight last night when she wanted to come over, because I was with...

CHLOE: So you're saying your wife is your alibi?

Actually, no. I was with another waitress, and Daria found out about that.

And that's what we were fighting about.

CHLOE: Okay, well, I'll need the name and number of the other waitress.

Yes, and I'd like to talk to you about your herb garden, Davis, because I was thinking about taking up rooftop botany.

CHLOE: You know... (inhales) Excuse us. Botany? Realtors? Look, I get it. I know your mom's in town. We're both going through some stuff. If you need to talk, I'm here, okay?

All right, understood.

CHLOE: No, now. What's going on with you? Why is it so hard for you to focus? What's up?

LUCIFER: (sighs) Just give me a minute, would you? Face chat Maze.

(phone beeps)

Maze: What?

My hands are kind of full right now.

LUCIFER: Right, well, here's the sitch: The detective is annoying me with questions that clearly won't lead anywhere, so I need a favor.

Favors are your thing, not mine.

LUCIFER: All right, then. What about a wager?

What's in it for me?

LUCIFER: Whatever you want.

Your convertible.

LUCIFER: Fine. But you need to take the detective out and have fun. Three drinks should do the trick.

(chuckles) Sucker's bet. Easy.

LUCIFER: Yes, but you're not allowed to tie her up and pour booze down her throat.

Less easy.

Fine.

All right. Deal.

(shouts): I said get naked!

Oh, hello.

Want to watch?

(phone beeps)

CHLOE: Okay, you were the last one to talk to Daria, you're telling me you have no idea who she was with last night?

No. She was having a girls' night.

She was roomies with another waitress, uh, Naomi.

Maybe she was with her.

CHLOE: Do not leave town.

So did Casanova's alibi check out?

CHLOE: Working on it, but in the meantime, Daria's roommate, Naomi, might have an idea of her timeline.

LUCIFER: Oh, lovely. Then can we go for grilled polenta? Well, I can't focus on an empty stomach, Detective.

(sighs)

Hey...

Oh. Hi.

Hey, uh...

I just wanted to return this.

Oh. Uh...

Therapeutic Truth.

So much for that, right?

(chuckles)

Are you okay?

(exhales)

One exhalation yes, two... none of my business?

Yeah, listen.

AMENADIEL: Thanks for your concern, but, um, I'm fine.

No more false pretenses,remember? Friendship means honesty. You can talk to me, Amenadiel.

Apparently, that is your real name.

AMENADIEL: (laughs) It is. This is hard to explain. Uh, it's kind of a, uh... physical problem.

Oh?

AMENADIEL: And things aren't working the way they used to.

Oh.

AMENADIEL: And I-I don't, I don't know what to do about that.

I see. Well, you know, it's very common.

AMENADIEL: I doubt that.

Generally stress related.

AMENADIEL: It is very stressful.

My advice? Don't overthink it. You need to relax. Try to put it out of your mind. Maybe have a bit of fun.

AMENADIEL: Fun?

Yes. Maybe a cocktail. And before you know it... It doesn't make you any less of a man, Amenadiel.
Not even a bit.

(seagulls squawking)

Was everything okay?

I haven't seen Daria or Naomi all week.

We feed each other's cats.

LUCIFER: Oh, gosh, I detest cats. Want an animal to stare at you with contempt? Get a cat. Open box of excrement in your house? Cat. (sniffs) Oh, gosh. Can you smell that? Foul, incontinent creatures.

CHLOE: That's not a cat smell. That's a dead smell.

Oh, my God! Naomi!

CHLOE: She's got the same triangular stamp as Daria. Same signs of poison.

LUCIFER: Well, well. Talk about a girls' night gone wrong.

♪ ♪

LUCIFER: Lovely. Why don't we go up to the penthouse, and I can show you the original Stairway to Heaven.

(chuckles)

LUCIFER: Ah, Detective. After 6:00 on a school night?

CHLOE: Ella's final forensic report came in.

Right. Um...

LUCIFER: Sorry. Can this wait? (chuckles): I mean, those deaths were fiendishly tragic, but I'm pretty certain that tomorrow, during office hours, our dead girls will still be dead.

CHLOE: I just wanted to run a couple...

Maze: Good. Saved me a trip.

You, me, drinking. Now.

I'm in!

What are you doing here?

Lucifer said I should drop by.
CHLOE: But we're working.

No, you're working.

Who the hell is she?

Oh, sorry. Hi, I'm Ella!

CHLOE: I was about to give him the rundown on your report. Do you want to...

No, go for it.

I got to dehydrate. Whew!

CHLOE: Okay. Anyhow, first off, there was tissue damage to Daria's stomach lining, caused by liquid nitrogen, the stuff that makes fancy cocktails smoke. It's probably how she ingested the poison.

LUCIFER: Well, excellent lead, Detective, but you just ruined my ménage à trois.

CHLOE: Second, I assumed that Daria was at a club on Gower, and we found an abandoned building on the corner. It looked like they had recently had a party there.

LUCIFER: Fascinating.

CHLOE: I'm thinking it was a rave, so... Any way you could make some phone calls to help me out? You know, you seem to have your finger on the pulse.

LUCIFER: Not the appendage I'd hoped to be pulsing by now.

I know that hood. There's a great tiki bar across the street from that building. I know the bartender.

Course you do.

We could go and have a drink, ask about the dead girls.

LUCIFER: Yes. That sounds like a very good lead, Detective.

If you want to retrace the steps of two hot girls on a girls' night, you need to think like two hot girls on a girls' night.

With your lady parts.

And piña coladas in hand.

Oh, my God, I love piña coladas!

Lovely!

(slurping)

So, I was watching Chinatown, right?

And all of a sudden, it hits me.

I need to go to L.A. I mean, do you ever feel like God is telling you to do something?

No.

Oh. You think Chloe's gonna drink that?

No.

CHLOE: Hey, guys. Do you recognize this hand stamp? What about these women?

No.

CHLOE: Okay, look. I'm LAPD, and if there's any info that you can give me on any...

(snorts, laughs)

How not to get laid.

CHLOE: I'm not trying to get laid, Maze.

I don't get it.
Well, did you talk to the bartender?

CHLOE: Yeah. He said something was going on across the street in the abandoned building.
I put a call in for a warrant to the judge, and I'm waiting to hear back.

Great. Looks like you have some time to k*ll. Have a drink.

CHLOE: No. I'm gonna call it a night.

Hello, ladies.

Hi. What are you doing here?

LINDA: Maze invited me. She said it's girls' night.

Maze: Yeah.

CHLOE: No. I'm working a double homicide.

Would it k*ll you to just relax for once?

(sighs)

All you do is work, work, work.

CHLOE: Wow. Like you're one to talk. You're at Lucifer's beck and call 24/7. It's like you're his personal concierge.

I'm not his personal anything, anymore.

CHLOE: Hmm. Well, you basically still live there, and it's not like he's pouring you any drinks.

Least I know how to have fun.
What about pleasure? Men? When's the last time you had sex?

Ella: Hey, why does everything always have to be about work or sex?

LINDA: Yeah, I agree. Girls' night, done right, is about female bonding.

Exactly.

LINDA: Really getting to know each other. Sharing problems, origin stories, secrets.

Can't we just drink?

LINDA: Fine. I'll start. Um... I worked my way through med school as a phone sex operator. 1-800-ProfessorFeelGood.
I would totally call that.

Nice.

I'm Ella, by the way.

I love that we just skipped the small talk.

Yes.

Um, okay. I'll go next, I guess. Um... I used to steal cars.

Who's next?

I was forged in the bowels of Hell to t*rture the guilty for all of eternity.

Interesting share.

Okay, so...

Now, you go, Chloe.

Female trust.

Come on.

What's on your mind?

CHLOE: What's on my mind... like, other than the case?

Yeah.

CHLOE: Um... A little divorce. Uh...

Maze: Mm-hmm.

CHLOE: Single parenthood... uh, possible homelessness and... most likely many, many cats in my future.

Or things that require batteries.

Okay, you know, that's-that's... that's what I'm talking about. You guys, this is so fun!

Is it?

Yes!

Yeah, uh, tequila, stat.

Yes.

Keep 'em coming!

Linda: This is really gonna help you feel, you know, anything.

LUCIFER: Ugh! Cosmopolitan? Perhaps this really is girls' night. There are only two reasons to drink alone, brother. Either you're a chronic dullard, or you're trying to avoid your problems. If it's the latter, I approve.

AMENADIEL: My problems are your problems.

LUCIFER: Ooh! Aren't we the little empath?

AMENADIEL: You think letting Mom stay here on earth doesn't affect us all?

LUCIFER: (scoffs) Why?

AMENADIEL: Because you think Dad is gonna forgive and forget about the fact that you broke a deal?

LUCIFER: Haven't broken anything. I found a loophole. As such, I'm not thinking about it at all. You should try it.

AMENADIEL: There will be consequences!

LUCIFER: I don't get it. If you're so concerned, why don't you just fly Mum back to Hell?

AMENADIEL: Because I can't!

LUCIFER: That was a tad dramatic. Why not?

AMENADIEL: It's complicated.

LUCIFER: Never fear, fun brother's here. I'm gonna show you the magic of distraction. But no more girly drinks. All right?

AMENADIEL: Cosmos are yummy.

LUCIFER: Oh... Bourbon. Stat. Keep 'em coming.

♪ You're a heartbreaker ♪
♪ Dream maker ♪
♪ Love taker ♪
♪ Don't you mess around with me ♪
♪ You're a heartbreaker ♪
♪ Dream maker ♪
♪ Love taker ♪
♪ Heartbreaker ♪

Yes!

Thank you, Los Angeles!

CHLOE: (laughing) And then Lucifer's all like... (imitating Lucifer): "Hey Chloe, name three friends that you could go call and have a drink with." So smug, you know?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Well, one... two... three!

CHLOE: So, you're saying, if I called you guys, you would drop everything and come and have a drink with me?

Mm-hmm. 'Cause that is what girlfriends do for each other.

Yes, especially during tough times.

Exactly.

CHLOE: I've never had friends like that. Like, ever.

Well, you're a lot more tolerable when you're drunk, Decker.

Is that true?

CHLOE: Yeah. And then Lucifer's like, "You use work to avoid having fun."

Oh, yeah. Well, not anymore, lady.

'Cause we're your tribe, now.

And we like to party!

(howling)

I wish I had my knives. We could have made a blood pact.

Ooh, next time.

Aww... Yeah, yeah.

Next time? This is progress.

To tribes!

To tribes!

Sip it.

(camera clicks)

I think we should go back up there.

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Mm.

(whooping)

Linda: Oh, it looks like someone's made a fourth friend.

Oh, you get it, girl! (whooping)

Oh, no!

Abort! Chloe!

Oh... don't do that.

I don't think she...

Does she wear contacts?

She's really into him.

And she's bringing him over.

Is she?

CHLOE: Look! Same hand stamp as Daria and Naomi! Where did you get this?

I saw some hot women, uh, g-going into a party across the street last night.

Okay.

It was just...

CHLOE: Do you recognize these women? Did you see these girls there?

(grunts)

What's your deal?

Hey, she's just asking a few questions.

Well, he's taken. So back off, skank!

I...

Maze: Hey!

No one calls my skank a skank.

I'm hurting her.

No! Oh, no, no...

No. Okay, no. No, no, Maze.

Maze...

Wipe that smile off her face.

LINDA: Maze, remember... aggression is not the answer, okay. Clearly, this woman is having some serious trust issues.

Clearly.

LINDA: Or maybe she's just a raging bitch.

(laughing): Oh!

(grunting)

(growling)

(yelling)

(grunting)

(glasses breaking)

CHLOE: LAPD! Hey! Everybody take a breath!

Oh! Oh, my gosh.

What is happening?!

♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ I can't put my finger on it ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪

Maze, Maze, Maze!

(man yelling)

(groaning)

♪ I like that thing you do ♪

CHLOE: Maze, I wasn't done questioning him!

♪ The way you style your hair ♪

Ugh!

Carry on.

Hey.

CHLOE: Did you see these girls?

Yeah, maybe.

CHLOE: Where?

It was... it was...

CHLOE: Where?!

It was a crowded sex club, and there was so many hot girls...

CHLOE: A sex club?

Yeah, just...

Don't tell my girlfriend. Just...

♪ And the boys and the girls they stare... ♪

CHLOE: (scoffs) Girls' night out.

Oh...

Oof.

DAN: Happy hour over already? Must have been some party.

CHLOE: Yeah... other than the half hour-ish from 8:47 to 9:17 that I can't quite remember anything.

DAN: (chuckling): Classic Chloe. Only you would make a point of remembering the exact amount of time you can't remember.

CHLOE: Mm. Well, I was lucid enough to destroy a tiki bar and get a lead on our two dead blondes. I found a guy with a hand stamp.

DAN: The same club that Daria and Naomi went to?

CHLOE: Not a club. More like a roving, pop-up sex party.

DAN: Secretive, invite-only, caters to rich jerks who like to pay for it. So gross. So those two girls were sex workers?

Looks like it. But the only way to know for sure is to get you into the next shindig.

CHLOE: Which hand stamp guy told me...

Right before he passed out...

Is happening as we speak.

Me?

Uh-huh. Men only. And I got you a date.

DAN: Nope.

CHLOE: Yes.

DAN: Mm-mm. No way.

CHLOE: Yes. It's good to have Lucifer there with you as back up. So they don't think you're a cop.

DAN: I don't look like a cop.

CHLOE: Uh-huh.

DAN: Hey. Do I look like a cop?

(kitten mewing on video)

(laughing)

DAN: Ah. Finally, you're here. Right.

I promise this will be more fun than light beers and Bachelor reruns.

DAN: Your jokes never get old.

Oh, come on, who doesn't love a sex party? Then again, if you're me, every party's a sex party of sorts.

DAN: It's illegal, for starters. Why do you think they change the location every night? No liquor license, underage girls...

Well, the world's oldest profession seems to be surviving quite nicely.

Hello, chaps.

Yes, my first startup was a sex club, actually. Little place called "Eden". Perhaps you've heard of it?

I'm... good. Thank you.

DAN: Best case scenario, this club exploits women. Worst case? It got those girls a belly full of poison.

Mm.

One other thing.

Hm?

I'm not sure why he's here.

Only dullards drink alone.

Yes, he's a tad anxious these days.

I thought a night out would do him good.

DAN: Right. Well, we have one mission: to find out who knew the dead girls. And remember... We're undercover, okay?

(chuckling): As if you could look like anything other than a cop.

DAN: I do not look like a cop!

AMENADIEL: Cop.

DAN: (sighs with frustration) All right, will you guys just please, for God's sake, be chill?
And three rules: no drinking, no touching... ...and just keep everything low-key.

Yes!

(laughing)

(woman laughing)

DAN: Oh, my God. This is not helping us find out who knew the dead girls.

LUCIFER: Agreed. His shimmy is a tad off-putting.

Amenadiel: Come on, Luci! Come cut a rug with your big bro!

Lucifer: Uh. No, no, no, no, no. White man's overbite, that is definitely where I draw the line.

Hold on a second.

Look at the bar.

It's liquid nitrogen.

It's the same thing that caused damage to Daria Mitchell's stomach lining.

Yes.

Hey, buddy.

Hey.

What do you know about these two girls?

Not so fast, buddy boy. Seems my martini isn't the only thing here that's dirty.

(straining)

Mmm.

A drink to savor, don't you think?

Ah... (inhales)

DAN: Want to explain why you ran?

Come on. You're obviously a cop.

(chuckles)

Shut it.

I figured you were here to bust me.

Yes, we are here to bust you.

For the untimely fate of two innocent Nebraskan girls.

Wait... what?

Lucifer: It's funny how K*llers go deaf at the moment of reckoning, isn't it?

No, no. I... I'm no k*ller. I-I-I keep an eye on the girls that work here and serve the pervs drinks.
And pot...

Maybe a bit of "E."

What about mandrake?

Who's Mandrake?

Did you put poison in these two girls' drinks?

No-no. What? No. I-I remember these girls.

Their drinks were clean when I made 'em.

Who was paying for 'em?

I don't know, it was some Hollywood dirtbag with a gold card.

You'll need to be a little more specific.

It's... Yuri something.

He's not here tonight though.

I guess your two dead girls and the other blonde must have really worn him out.

Dan: Wait a minute. There were three blondes?

Yeah.

Your two newbies and their hot friend.

Right. First name: "Hot", last name "Friend"?

They don't use their real names.

She's one of our regulars though.

You know, life of the party.

Oh, she won't be the life of anything, if we don't get to her before lady k*ller Yuri has his way.

If he hasn't already.

(sighing): Thank you.

(clears throat)

Oh, silly me.

(sighs)

Come on. Rise and shine, Crantini.

Time to go.

(groaning)

Yeah. Let's do this.

(grunting)

(Lucifer laughing)

Gosh, I wish I got that on video. Oh, I can get that on video!

Hold on. Douche-cam.

Must have been some party.

DAN: Ah, that's funny.

And I'll laugh after we find this Yuri scumbag.

You have anything on the third girl?

DAN: Bartender said she was, "Blonde, hot, and had an exposed midriff".

Which describes half the population of L.A.

Well, the chef's wife, Gisele, fits that description.

Yeah, but when you saw her, she was healthy.

You think she could have worked with Naomi and Daria at the sex club?

She knew them through her husband's restaurant.

I mean... but part-time sex worker?

Would that be the first thing you put on your résumé?

No. But if she was there, she was witness to everything that went down that night.

So, maybe Yuri's after her.

Yeah, well, the tech got Yuri's info from the credit card he used at the sex party.

Only has a P.O. box.

No home address, but I did get a cell and a plate number.

Okay, good.

Lucifer and I will go find Yuri, and, uh, and, um...

(Lucifer laughing)

...you track down Gisele.

(laughing continues)

Oh...

DAN: Copy that.

_

That is...

What did Maze win and why does it involve my tragic drunk face?

LUCIFER: Just a little wager. Well, you had a lot on your mind, so I decided to distract you, with "girls' night."

Last night was a setup?

LUCIFER: Yes. Well, you had fun, didn't you? You should be thanking me. What are you doing?

Detective...

(snaps picture)

(grunts)

Uh, hey, Davis hasn't seen Gisele, and she's, uh, not answering her cell, so if Yuri has her, we've got to get there fast.

Chloe: I'm on my way.

LUCIFER: Detective... What did you say to her?

LAPD. Get out of the car, Yuri.

LUCIFER: Good Lord, you could at least fork out for a room, Yuri.

(Yuri retching)

LUCIFER: No, no, no, no! Not the Italian leather! Bloody hell!

Yeah, more like karma.

We know you were at the sex club last night, and you're responsible for the death of two girls.

What do you know about Gisele?

I don't know anyone named Gisele.

You have it all wrong.

I only went to that club because Crystal promised me newbies.

I paid five grand apiece for those two sweethearts.

Who's Crystal?

She was with Daria and Naomi.

LUCIFER: Then you should most definitely ask for a refund.

I know.

Those girls had no idea that I was their date.

You're telling me Daria and Naomi had no idea it was a sex club?

No.

When they found out, they wanted to leave.

Crystal bought them drinks, but they drank them and bailed anyway.

I was so upset that I took the last sip and...

You drank the rest of the poison.

I have been sick ever since.

Oh, God.

LUCIFER: Oh, no, no, no. Not again.

Is Gisele Crystal?

LUCIFER: Oh, you mean the chef's wife?

Could she be the one who k*lled Daria and Naomi?

Well, Daria was sleeping with her husband, so if anyone had a bone to pick, it would be her.

(panting)

Yuri, do you know Crystal's real name?

No. But I have a picture.

Oh, lovely. I'll take that.

LUCIFER: Right. Ooh, pecker pic. Pecker pic.

Eww!

LUCIFER: Oh, hold on.

Chloe: That's not Gisele.

LUCIFER: No, and that blonde hair doesn't look real either.

Chloe: You're right, it's a wig. And the girl wearing it looks real familiar.

Oh, it's just rush, rush, rush in this town, isn't it?

Oh, hi, detectives.

I'm just putting a few things in storage.

I'm going back home.

Right, you can take the girl out of Nebraska, but you can't take Nebraska out of the girl.

Or can you?

I don't feel safe in L.A. anymore.

You wouldn't either if two of your neighbors wound up dead.

Don't you just hate that?

I'm sorry, I have a flight at 3:00.

LUCIFER: Yes, and I've just discovered this wonderful thing called Facebook. Have you heard of it?

I have to go, please.

LUCIFER: 'Cause Facebook's heard of you. It knows that you're a big deal in your small town.
A ten back home, but in L.A., just a five. Things haven't worked out for you here, have they, Lily?
So much heartache, struggle, compromise. It made you desperate enough to turn against your own sorority sisters, Daria and Naomi.

No. Daria and Naomi were my friends.

(chuckles)

Chloe: Were they?

Because we know you were with them the night they d*ed.

You said you hadn't seen 'em for a week.

You have no proof of that.

Except for a photo taken by your charming buddy Yuri.

LUCIFER: Nice wig, by the way. Really brings out the m*rder in your eyes. Seems kitties do have claws.

Please, just let me go.

LUCIFER: Is this the part where you wish I had a g*n, Detective?

Shut up, Lucifer, I got this.

You pretended to be a friend to those girls.

Shame on you. (coughs)

They called me!

They were desperate for my help.

The best workout class, where to hike... this apartment!

They asked you for help and you preyed on them?

I was doing them a favor.

What, by putting mandrake in their drinks?

I thought it was an organic kind of roofie.

I didn't know that it would k*ll them.

I was just trying to loosen them up.

You were trying to make an extra buck by bringing in a couple newbies.

I won the Dame Judith acting award in college.

I was the president of our sorority.

I should have made it by now!

L.A. was supposed to be easy!

(cell phone chiming)

Oh, phones...

They can be so distracting.

There's a special place in Hell for women who fake friendships as a way of manipulating other women!

LUCIFER: She's right, you know. And I think we have silver lining, Detective. What with Lily going away, and Daria and Naomi dead, I believe that there's an apartment vacancy.
Are you seriously suggesting that I should move into a dead girl's apartment?

LUCIFER: No, no, no, the k*ller's place is much nicer. I mean, just look at this view!

CHLOE: How'd you get in here?

MAZE: Let's just say Samantha at the front desk is no longer into men.

What, you still mad?

CHLOE: What was all that stuff about being my tribe?

MAZE: You had fun, didn't you?

CHLOE: I don't have time for this. I have work to do. You can go.

MAZE: I wasn't totally faking it. Like when I strangled psycho chick for the win. That was genuine.

CHLOE: Gee, thanks.

MAZE: You know, I wouldn't just kick ass for anyone. Okay, fine, I would. But this time it was... sweeter.

CHLOE: This is some twisted version of an apology?

MAZE: I don't do apologies. But I don't want to k*ll you anymore.

CHLOE: You're a very, very deranged person.

MAZE: Thanks. So, we're still good to be roomies, right?

CHLOE: What are you talking about, roomies?

MAZE: We shook on it. Post-karaoke, pre-potbelly dude.

CHLOE: What?

MAZE: I told you I was in between places. You said that you were looking for someone to share expenses. Don't you remember?

CHLOE: The missing half hour.

MAZE: Look... I've got money. I like your kid, and you dress like crap, so I won't be stealing any of your clothes. What, you got a better plan? You said you wanted fun, Decker. Fun.

CHLOE: Oh, my...

LUCIFER: Roommates? You and Detective Decker? (laughs) No, no, no, no, no, no. And have I mentioned "no," and also, "no"?

MAZE: You're not my boss anymore.

LUCIFER: Well, that may be. But I can't have the women in my life teaming up. I'll be outnumbered. Dad forbid you manage to have sex with her before I do. Oh, actually, can I interest you in another wager?

MAZE: No. Done deal. Pay up.

LUCIFER: (sighs) Fine, the convertible's yours.

MAZE: I'm over that.

LUCIFER: Well, the hot, new bartender.

MAZE: Been there, done that.

LUCIFER: Well, spit it out then, Maze. What is it you want?

MAZE: I want a drink.

LUCIFER: What, that's it? Fine. Pick any bottle, pull two glasses.

MAZE: No, I want you to pour me a drink.

LUCIFER: All right. To newly defined relationships.

LUCIFER: Cheers.

(elevator bell dings)

Oh... please... don't drink in front of me.

Bad case of the distractions, brother?

(chuckles)

Well, I better go.

Maze: I'll let you deal with the lightweight.

(Amenadiel groans)

Judging from your behavior last night, that lunatic dancing, I fear that my advice may have created a whole new set of problems.

No more turning a "blind eye," Lucifer.

(groans) Listen...

We both know that Dad is not the kind to forgive and forget.

No distraction on earth is gonna change that.

I said that I would punish Mom, and I'm doing so here on earth.

Deal maintained, loophole achieved.

What if He doesn't feel that way?

There will be real consequences, Luci, for all of us.

Especially me.

You know, I liked you better drunk.

Tell me something, brother, what deal did you make?

What was worth writing Father, of all people, a blank check?

Not a what. A who.

You made a deal for Chloe's life?

Don't look at me like that!

At the time, it made a certain amount of sense.

Don't you understand?

You made a deal to return Mom to Hell.

In exchange, Chloe's life was spared.

Well, that's one interpretation.

Despite whatever loopholes you think you found, and the lies that you have told yourself, you still haven't delivered on your end of the bargain.

Luci, what if Dad decides to take back His side of the deal?

(laughs)

One silly human soul?

I can't imagine Dad would take much interest in that.

Chloe: Yes, two adult women and a child.

Man (over phone): Just bring over a deposit, and the apartment's yours.

Really? Oh, yeah, I will, uh...

Great, I'll drop off a check right away.

Okay, thank you.

Man: Of course.