02x04 - Your Body May Be Rejecting the Implant

[bunniefuu]

Jazz: Previously on "I Am Jazz"...

Sander: I never see you really hanging out with, like, Brooke or Taylor anymore.

I mean, I do sometimes, but we're just not as close anymore.

Like, you don't care about the drama, so when I did have something important to say, I just got used to not telling you.

Girl: Yeah.

Your blocker implant has pretty much run its course.

The best move here would be to do a surgery to replace the implants.

It's gonna cost a fortune if we have to do the T-blocker surgery here, so I'd rather do it at the L.A. Children's Hospital.

There are some risks to general anesthesia.

Jeanette: I'm nervous about the surgery with general anesthesia.

Every mother's worst fear is like, [gasps] "What if they don't wake up afterwards?"

Love you.

All right, bye.

Take good care of her.

Love you all.

Jazz: And tonight on "I Am Jazz"...

Nobody wants to see their child in a hospital for any reason.

Sander: Do you think it's been taking longer than it should?

I've never seen one of these get infected, but if the skin around it starts turning really red, that would be something that I would want to know about.

Let me see your arm. It's red up there, as well.

That looks even worse than ever.

Jeanette: Are we gonna have to take the implant out?

Please, please let that be the last resort.

Jazz: 15 years ago, I was assigned male at birth, but inside, I always knew I was a girl.

I have a girl brain and a boy body.

Being transgender hasn't been easy.

You already have some breast shape.

We just have to make it better.

I get shy talking to gorgeous girls.

Wait, what?

But it's made me who I am.

I am Jazz.

Woman: All right, just gonna give you a little bit of oxygen to breathe, okay?

It smells like grape. [Chuckles]

Oh, it smells like grape.

All right, and you'll start to feel sleepy here in just a few seconds, okay?

Christopher: So, the procedure we're doing is the removal and reinsertion of a supprelin implant on the left-hand side.

Everyone agrees?

Agree.

Okay.

I feel, like, terrible right now.

Why's that?

My stomach hurts.

I am exhausted, and I'm worried, and my stomach is in knots.

This has been extremely hard on me.

She's my baby.

Nobody wants to see their child in a hospital for any reason.

And I know this is to help her, but it's still... it shouldn't be.

You know, she should've been born in the right body.

And they're a little bit fragile.

They tend to break off if you're not careful, so I don't want to break it in half.

I'm trying to be gentle with it.

Griffen: If something goes wrong, we don't have any control over it.

We can't do anything about it.

Well, let's hope nothing goes wrong.

Griffen: I just keep checking the clock, checking the door, waiting for her to come out, because I want to know she's okay.

These are supposed to just release and come out, but they don't often release and come out.

Man: That would be too easy. Right.

So I have to kind of take it piece by piece.

How long has it been?

I've been watching the clock.

I think 20 minutes since we left her.

Christopher: Okay. All right.

You think it's been taking longer than it should?

Greg: Waiting, you know?

That's, like, a weird feeling...

The waiting is the hardest part.

Waiting for somebody to come out of the operating room.

Time is going so slow right now.

I feel like I've been here an hour waiting for her.

I know it hasn't been, but I have never felt time go by this slowly.

Christopher: So, this has the implant loaded in it, right?

All right, we are done.

Okay.

Christopher: Everything went fine.

The implant broke about that far from the end, but I got both ends out.

I've never seen one of these get infected, but if the skin around it starts turning really red, that would be something that I would want to know about.

You can always take a picture of it and e-mail that to me.

Oh, okay, great. Great idea.

That works out pretty well sometimes, especially if you're not just down the road.

Right.

[Chuckles]

There she is.

She's snoring.

She's totally asleep right now.

Woman: [Chuckles]

I don't like seeing her like that.

Greg: I'd rather not see my kid like this, you know?

I know.

Do you see why I wanted to be here when she was like this.

Yeah.

'Cause when she comes out of this, she's in a deep state.

The first person I want her to see is her mom and her dad.

I'll be happy when I see her awake and smiling.

I'm hoping that she's not sad or groggy or nauseous, 'cause you can feel bad after you come out of anesthesia, so I want her to come out feeling like, "I'm good."

Hi!

Oh.

Hey.

Good morning.

Sander: Good morning, sunshine.

You're all done.

Hi, baby.

You had your surgery.

Whoa.

[Laughter]

Yeah, it's done.

You did so good.

[Speaking indistinctly]

What?

[Laughter]

What did she say?

She said, "rur rur rur rur."

Get this up just a tiny bit.

Jeanette: Jazz opens her eyes, and it's not like...

It's like...

Whoa!

And then when she speaks, it's, like, in tongue or something.

How you doing, baby?

How do you feel?

What happened?

You had your surgery, baby.

You're done.

I'm gonna lift your head up.

You're all done.

Sander: Look, you got a heart.

So, they put some numbing medicine here, too, okay?

So...

Oh, it's a heart.

[Laughter]

Like, "okay, she's awake, she's acting weird, but Jazz is weird."

Are you uncomfortable?

I have a boner.

[Gasps]

[Laughter]

I'm sorry. [Laughs]

Did you hear what she said?

I sometimes forget that she has that down there.

Jazz: Is that bad?

Yeah, you're filming, baby. You're being filmed.

Oh.

[Laughter]

Jeanette: I did not see this coming, but she's awake, and she's laughing, and it's good.

I love you so much. I was worried about you.

I was really worried.

Why?

'Cause I felt like it was taking longer, and I didn't get to see you, and then when you're laying here with the mask on, I don't like that.

I'm doing great.

You shouldn't be worried, Mom.

I was very worried.

But I'm okay now.

Love you.

I love you, too.

Jazz: She is my mom, so it's kind of like she's overreacting, but it's okay, 'cause I do understand it.

She's nervous about me, and that's a good thing, but hopefully, she'll realize that everything went well and that there was no reason to get upset.

Woman: Up you go.

I know, I know.

Sander: Why?

I don't...

I know. I said it.

Did you see that?

She knows.

I do not understand that at all.

It's okay.

Jeanette: When I see that Jazz is listed as a male on her wristband, it has my blood boiling.

But this hospital has gone above and beyond for us, and the doctors are so sweet, and I don't want to make a big stink.

I personally wasn't upset about it, but I imagine other kids out there who are just transitioning would be super-upset to see the wrong gender on their bracelet, and I could see how really disappointing that is.

To the left, yeah.

♪ To the left, to the left ♪

Jeanette: Parents that don't have a transgender child have no idea the things that we go through.

Jazz makes it look sometimes easier than it is, but it's hard.

But we make the best of it.

You know, we try to turn it into something good even though it's a difficult situation.

Sander: ♪ Uh bum-bum-bum-bum, bum-bum-bum-bum ♪

Oh, sh**t! It's chilly.

I like it.

Greg: This is not Florida weather.

You got it, Jazz?

Jazz: Yep.

Jeanette: Thank you so much. We appreciate it.

♪♪

Knock knock.

Hola.

So, what are you doing now?

Taking my driver's test.

No-o-o.

You're doing something I asked you to do.

That noise, though. You were like, "no!"

How are you feeling?

Look at my arm.

[Gasps]

What's up with that? That's nasty.

Looks like poison ivy.

Take the band-aid off.

Ugh.

That's not supposed to happen.

Oh, my god.

Jeanette: I am super-nervous about the DMV, 'cause you do read things in the news about people getting denied the right gender marker.

This is a letter from her doctor stating that she is transgender.

That's gross.

No, no, no, no!

Does it hurt? Oh.

No, it doesn't hurt. It's just itchy.

Jazz shows me that she has a rash on her arm around where the testosterone blocker was replaced.

I want to take a picture and send it to the doctor.

Why are we having a rash?

Because the doctors in L.A. were like, "oh, this never happens."

I've never seen one of these get infected, but if the skin around it starts turning really red, that would be something that I would want to know about.

"Please see Jazz's rash."

Okay.

What is causing this?

Is it gonna get worse?

How much is this thing gonna spread?

'Cause it's already way past where the incision site is.

I really need to finish my driver's test.

Okay. So, after this, you know what the next step is.

What?

You need a doctor's note when we go down to the DMV, because otherwise, they're gonna put "M" on your license 'cause your birth certificate says "M."

Did you notice in the hospital what they did?

Yeah, they put "male."

The right gender marker to represent who she is on a legal document is so important, because, like, what if she didn't have it and she got pulled over by police and they looked at it and were like, "huh? You're a male?"

It could get ugly.

You know, it's really important for you to get that "F" on your license.

You know how important a license is?

Even if it says "M," it's just a letter, and we know that doesn't define me type of thing, you know.

Yes, I am biologically male, but my chromosomes don't define me.

They don't think. I think right here and right here.

And I know I'm a female, and no one can tell me otherwise.

Look, we live in an "M" or "F" world, unfortunately.

Yeah.

And for the rest of your life, people are going to look at that, and they're going to see you.

I'm definitely a little worried that this is not gonna go smoothly.

All right, I'll let you finish, but keep an eye on the rash.

Okay.

Ugh. It's oozing.

Does it look bad?

It looks terrible.

♪♪

Amy: I've always wanted to do this.

I really have.

Just quit your job and hang out with me all day, and, you know, we'll do this.

Okay.

Because this is what we're supposed to do now...

That sounds good.

That we're in our 50s.

Are you in your 50s?

I'm going to be.

I know.

Jeanette: After all the stress of L.A. and Jazz's surgery and the rash...

Cheers.

[Glasses clink]

I'm going out with Amy for some painting and bottle of wine.

I met Amy when our kids were babies, and her kids are in college, so that's like 20 years.

And I still love her just as much now as I did back then.

We're empty-nesters.

I need a drink.

I'll join you.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Just thinking about it gets me really sad.

Oh, honey.

Mm-hmm.

My kids are my world.

They're my life.

So them being taken away to go to college, which is an important thing, I don't handle it as well as some other people might.

I'm not getting my kids back. That's it.

Childhood's over, done.

But you still have Jazz at home, and you're so busy with Jazz.

I would like to do more things, like, with her and the trans population.

Well, I want to tell you this crazy story.

My friend's kid at his high school, so many kids have been coming out as trans.

Like 10, maybe 12... at one high school.

Somewhere in this quadrant of the world?

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

'Cause in Jazz's high school, there's Jazz.

Yay!

I know.

I feel like there's nobody else existing.

My friend told me that the kids would love to meet Jazz.

I'd like her to meet other kids, especially ones she could have, like, a social life with.

Her social life is just pbht.

Since Jazz started high school, she's been a little more withdrawn.

She's been hanging out less and less with her old friends from middle school, and it concerns me, because Jazz is not really great about making new friends.

Maybe she'd have a bunch of new friends.

You got to talk to your friend and see what...

I will, I will.

Yeah.

Let's see what we can work out.

Yeah.

I'm definitely gonna try to influence her.

Jeanette: Unfortunately, getting her to go out and meet people, it's not an easy process, and I'm gonna have to convince her to do this even if I know she doesn't want to do it.

I hope she really wants to meet.

I'm gonna tell her she has no choice.

♪♪

[Computer ringing]

Hey.

Hello.

Hello.

What's up?

I'm coming home for the weekend.

Yay.

To see how you're doing after surgery.

How did it go?

Uh, it went okay.

I don't know if anyone told you, but I got a really, really bad rash from the procedure.

That's not good.

Yeah.

It's red, it's itchy, it's annoying.

That doesn't sound fun at all.

Yeah.

So, how's everything else?

School is okay.

I mean, I'm just trying to get through it all.

You know how school is, always...

Yeah, I know you don't like it very much.

I know, yeah.

I kind of don't talk to my core group of friends anymore.

Why haven't you been talking to your friends?

Like, what's going on with that?

Um, well, we've kind of just drifted apart.

You know, they have other things to do.

I have things to do.

And now I'm just doing my own thing, and that's cool, too.

The truth is, during my depression, my friends would try to talk to me, and I would ignore them altogether, and it was hard for them.

We've been trying to reconnect, but we have different schedules, so I think we're definitely drifting apart, and that's okay.

It happens with all relationships.

I don't like that.

I'm fine.

You're really introverted.

I wouldn't consider myself introverted.

I'm just not socialable.

[Chuckles]

You know what I mean?

I don't like to socialize that much.

I would say that I am very outgoing.

It's just that I don't like socializing.

It's not that I feel uncomfortable or weird or anything.

I just prefer hanging out with myself in my room, watching TV, and that's my thing.

But definitely try to see if there's any other nice people at your school.

I don't know.

Ari: Jazz has suffered with depression, basically, like, ever since she could talk, just 'cause she was always in the wrong body.

So it really upsets me when Jazz says that she doesn't really have that many friends anymore, because I think it's really important... her being transgender, too... just to have support and friends there for you.

So I don't know.

It concerns me kind of a lot, because it just makes me think she's not okay.

I love you.

Love you, too. Bye.

Bye.

[Computer beeps]

♪♪

Jeanette: You ready? Get your glasses.

Jazz: Yeah.

Wait up for me.

What do you mean? I'm walking slow.

You're going so fast.

Okay. Come sit over here.

I am a little bit nervous, because I want to make sure that I have my female pronoun on the permit.

Deep inside, I know that a letter doesn't really say who I am, but it's still important to me.

Nervous?

You're nervous.

I know. I just...

I see you. You're tense.

[Chuckles]

Jeanette: Having that female permit shows the world that she's female, so if anything happens, like, in the airport and places like that, she'll be covered.

Are you glad that soon I'll be driving and then you won't have to drive me around everywhere?

Yes, I'm excited for that.

And I'm just...

I can't believe that this day is here.

[Chuckles] You're like a little kid.

Jeanette: The biggest challenge is that they require all this documentation, and I'm always afraid it's not good enough.

My worst fear is knowing that I can end up with somebody that doesn't really understand what we're trying to do and why and question it, 'cause you do read things in the news about people getting denied the right gender marker 'cause they didn't look right.

Woman: Jaron Jennings, station number 21.

That's you. Let's go.

Jazz: Jaron is my legal name.

It's on my birth certificate.

I definitely prefer the name Jazz from Jaron, but I feel like it's more important to get my name changed when I get my actual driver's license.

Hello.

Woman: Hi. Good morning.

How are you?

Good morning. Good.

You're coming here to do your permit today, correct?

Yes.

Okay.

You have all your documents?

I have that and then some.

Okay.

Okay.

This is a letter from her doctor stating that she is transgender.

Okay.

So I just want to make sure the gender will be "F" on her permit.

♪♪

Look at my arm.

What's all that?

It spread up there, as well.

That looks even worse than ever.

Oh, my god.

What if we have to take the implant out?

The implications of that are terrible.

This is a letter from her doctor stating that she is transgender.

Okay.

So I just want to make sure the gender will be "F" on her permit.

Woman: [Humming]

Yes, it will be.

[Chuckles] I'm just like...

Jazz: The "F" is on my driver's permit.

I'm super-happy about that.

'Cause obviously I'm a girl inside and almost completely out.

I'm gonna take your picture.

Okay.

You ready?

Jazz: I wasn't in a super-big rush to get my permit.

I kind of like getting chauffeured around.

I like my mom driving me from here to there.

Perfect.

But now that I have it, it feels great.

It's beautiful. Thank you.

Congratulations.

Let me take a picture of you with it.

Smile.

You're all grown up. [Chuckles]

Jeanette: Even though I've been pushing her to get her permit, I'm not ready. Nope.

Woman: Have a good day at school.

Thank you, thank you.

You're welcome.

All right, that's it.

My baby.

♪♪

Greg: What I want to do is, I want to take everything, get rid of it.

Let's try to sell it.

Greg: I want to have a garage sale, because the twins are going off to college, and it's finally time that we get rid of this clutter.

Sander: We have hockey sticks?

Why did we buy new weights, huh?

These are fine.

How are we gonna clean this all out?

Oh, god. This hurts.

Nobody's touching my dead football, man.

Greg: If it's pretty good stuff, but it didn't have any sentimental value, we go and sell it.

Greg: Are you ever gonna use these again?

Jeanette: What are you guys doing?

You know you can't come in the garage and take stuff without asking me.

Jeanette has a difficult time parting ways with things that...

I'm nostalgic. we have around the house.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

This is the purse I used for the prom, guys.

What's over there?

Greg: I don't think there's anything of major significance in there.

Looks like materials.

Yeah, this is of major significance.

Don't you remember this?

We should sell it.

No.

Jazz used to wear this all the time before she transitioned.

This was a big thing.

I don't want to get rid of all your old costumes.

They mean something to me.

I want to be able to say what we can get rid of and what we can't.

My mom is kind of a hoarder.

Like, it's the truth.

She has a very hard time letting her sentimental objects go away.

This is your Santa Claus costume.

You're not gonna throw that out.

And she doesn't realize that a shoe with a stain on it that I wore when I was 3 years old is garbage, and it's not something you put in a case and stare at like at a museum or whatever, but she seems to think that, so I don't really understand.

So, I went the other night out with Amy.

We went and painted, and she says she knows about this one school where there's transgender kids... a whole bunch.

There's transgender kids where?

Like, in one school.

How many?

12, 13, 14...

When my mom tells me that there are 12 transgender kids at this one school, I am pretty surprised, because I'm the only transgender kid at my school... that I know of... and the fact that all of these kids are stepping out of the shadows and being themselves, it's just really cool.

She said that these kids would be interested in meeting you.

Why would they want to meet me?

'Cause they've heard about you, and you're a pretty cool kid, and you're inspirational.

And you could use some more friends.

I know that my mom is super-concerned about me 'cause I have no friends at school.

During lunchtime, I eat in the bathrooms.

I don't like being in social situations that much.

Wouldn't you like to meet some kids that can relate to you?

Where would I meet them?

They have GSA meetings.

But they go to a different school.

I don't go to their school.

You can go to a GSA meeting at a different school.

GSA stands for Gay-Straight Alliance, and they typically meet after school.

They talk about issues.

Some of them are support groups for each other.

You can form relationships with people that kind of can relate to what you're going through.

'Cause sometimes... I know your friends now, they don't quite get it.

Yeah.

It's not easy for Jazz to make friends.

It's really not because Jazz is transgender.

Jazz is just very unique in her own way, and I don't think her peers get her.

I think the fact that she's had depression scares them off.

I really just want her to be more social.

I want her to experience teenagehood and not in her bedroom alone.

So, are they just gonna talk to me, or is it gonna be like a meeting, not about me?

I'm not sure how it's gonna be.

But, you know, a lot of people are inspired by you.

I just don't want it to be too awkward or anything.

Jazz: I do like sharing my story and help other kids who are like me, but I know her main motive is for me to make new friends.

And I feel super-awkward with big groups of people.

I think it'll be good for you.

♪♪

Mom, look at my arm.

Look, it got all flaky.

This looks like mosquito bites.

I know.

This one part looks like poison ivy.

Jazz: It's been a long day, and the rash has gotten worse.

What's this over here? What's all that?

It spread up there, as well.

That looks even worse than ever.

The rash is really kind of disturbing to look at.

It looks like a giant swarm of bees att*cked me, and it's really disgusting.

I'm concerned that your body's having some kind of reaction to the implant.

We thought at first it was the little bandage thing.

Yeah.

But it's not that.

How do we know it's not that?

Give me your arm.

Was the band-aid here?

No.

Jeanette: Oh, my god.

What if we have to take the implant out?

The implications of that are terrible.

She'll start going through male puberty.

They have to put her on a lot more estrogen if we have to rip it out of her arm.

I am just, like, praying, "please, please let that not be the case."

That's just so bad.

Yeah, but...

No! Don't! Don't!

Sorry. It's so flaky.

I'm gonna call the doctor. I'm gonna call Dad, Grandpa.

We're gonna get this settled.

We're gonna fix this, okay?

Okay.

'Cause we don't have anything else to worry about.

Jazz?

What?

Jeanette: Can you come down, please?

I want to call Dr. Olson and facetime her so I can show her the rash.

Dr. Olson oversaw Jazz while we were in L.A.

The rash is getting bigger, and I want to find out what's going on.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

Hi, Jazz. Hi, Jeanette.

So, I have our number-one patient here.

I'm hoping that you can see the rash live instead of, like, a still sh*t.

Yes.

Can you hold up your arm?

Ugh. Yikes.

Is it on your face or ear at all?

It was.

It was on my ear.

My biggest fear concerning this rash is that it is possible that my body could be rejecting the implant blocker, and then I'll have to get it replaced, and I just don't want to go through that again.

It's only been on that one side, which makes me think there's a possibility of being allergic to the covering or the tape rather than what's in the implant itself.

So hopefully we'll keep this one in, then.

I think so.

I can send over an electronic prescription for a steroid ointment that will at least take some of that inflammation and the itching sensation down.

Jeanette: If the steroid cream doesn't do the trick, then I'm really gonna worry, so crossing fingers and toes that it works.

Dr. Olson: All right. I'll talk to you two soon.

All right, bye.

Bye.

How do I hang this up? Tink. There.

Greg: Is there anything we need to take off the table, though, before we start bringing people in?

So, we had this idea of selling stuff in a garage sale.

The primary reason is to get rid of stuff.

Getting rid of stuff is hard for Jeanette.

She has an attachment issue to pretty much everything that we purchase.

Wait a minute.

What's this stuff doing over here?

We're not selling this.

There are certain things I don't want to sell, so just let's get it over with.

Like, who are these people? Where'd they come from?

I don't know.

Oh, look, your parents are here.

The party's here.

Welcome back.

The garage sale is here, less for purpose of selling but more for cleaning house, so to speak.

Time marches on, and the kids have to go on.

We don't want them in the nest forever, I would assume.

Or she doesn't want them in the nest forever.

I think Jeanette wants them in the nest forever.

That's the whole point.

What are you doing to that cat?

Oh, no.

Jazz!

And, Jazz, your rash. She's got a rash.

It's something she's allergic to.

In inserting the implants, there's different materials they use... adhesives and things like that.

'Cause we're not quite sure what she's allergic to.

How's she feeling now that she's had the reaction?

Some days are good and some days are bad.

Like, today, she's in a cranky, bad mood.

She's very up and down.

You know, for somebody that's not having real periods, she's simulating it pretty well, isn't she?

Yeah, well, the estrogen.

Jeanette: Surgery is a big deal, and her poor little body's been through so much.

It's just unbelievable how the body needs to be in rhythm with itself, and it's a constant struggle.

Do you guys need any help?

I swear that one's worth at least 20 bucks, but we'll sell it to you for like a dollar.

I got this.

I got this sale.

Jeanette: [Gasps] Oh, wait a minute.

Oh, no, no, no, no. She's taking my stuff.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

Oh.

She actually saw that they were taking her stuff that she wants to keep.

Those overalls are so ugly, though.

Like, this one and this one was my daughter's when she was 2.

It was her favorite outfit.

Oh, so we can't have that?

No. This one is not supposed to be for sale.

They're, like, doing it to upset me.

I see items out for sale that I did not approve.

How did they get out there?

I have no idea.

It wasn't something you authorized?

No.

Then why were they there?

'Cause the kids are mean.

Greg: This is emotional for Mom. She's getting rid of stuff.

Oh, my god. She's got to get over it. This stuff is crap.

I can buy it now?

Not that one.

Not what?

I told you guys not to put that on the table.

This one?

It keeps coming back.

So, can we all agree that this is not going too well?

Getting rid of stuff represents that the kids are moving out of the house, and she doesn't know how to deal with that issue.

This one we're not gonna sell.

Because this was when you were a cheerleader.

It was your very first cheerleader skirt.

I want to remember it.

Mom, please.

All right.

You don't need to be attached to that.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Whoo-hoo. She let some stuff go.

I let it go. I let them have it.

And I'm not gonna change.

I'm always gonna be sentimental, done, end of story.

Thanks, guys.

Thank you.

We have $21.25.

You all happy now?

I got rid of some stuff that I didn't want to.

I think it's good that you parted ways with some of these things.

Thanks.

I just don't want to part with them.

I don't want to part with my kids.

Ari: And the boys are leaving the house.

Thanks. Rub it in.

Griffin: We're gonna be gone.

How are you gonna deal with that if you can't deal with the clothes?

How are you gonna live without us?

We understand.

No, you don't.

Yes, we do.

Look at them.

They're grown young men.

They're ready to go.

Jeanette: And the greatest joy for me is my kids.

[Voice breaking] Mom'ing is my job, and they don't need a mom anymore.

They don't need that kind of mom.

[Sniffles]

Come on, guys. Give Mom love.

They're too big. They can't live at home.

She needs a little love.

You can have a twin sandwich.

Twin sandwich. We're still here right now, Mom.

Yeah, I'll hold on to the money.

Greg: Going a little fast.

You didn't put on your blinker.

You're too close to the curb.

Slow down. Jazz, come on. Stop! Hit the brake.

[Laughing] It's so fun!

[Giggles]

Oh, man, this is gonna be a long lesson.

[Horn honks] Whoo whoo!

[Chuckles]

Griffin: Where are you guys going?

Jazz's driving lesson.

Looks like you're driving.

She's never driven before.

You think I'm just gonna let her get in the front seat and just drive off?

I'm nervous to drive with Jazz because she's never driven anything before.

She's never even asked about driving.

Jeanette: It's something that does not appeal to her.

[Jazz singing indistinctly in distance]

Singing is.

[Both laugh]

Griffin: Her first time driving's with you, yet you wouldn't drive with us until we'd, like, drive around the neighborhood with Mom like 12 times.

I trust Jazz more than you guys. Buh-bye.

Bunch of clowns.

For whatever reason, Jeanette spends more time with Jazz, and I spend more time with the twins, so this is a great opportunity for me to bond with my daughter.

And I think the first thing you need to do is learn some of the basics of the car, because I don't think anyone's ever taught you.

This right here... "P" is...?

Park.

What is "R"?

Um... Run!

[Both laugh]

Reverse.

Reverse.

This is your blinker.

Oh, okay.

Maybe it's not your blinker.

That's not your blinker. That's your windshield wiper.

All right, let's switch.

Jazz: Now that I have my driver's permit, I'm gonna be a perfectionist.

I'm gonna ensure that I'm a better driver than everyone in my family.

[Laughs]

[Horn honks]

Did I do that?

I didn't teach you about the horn.

[Horn honking] Whoo whoo!

So, what is this called again?

The joystick? Or what?

[Both laugh]

Sorry. Looks like a little, like, you know, game joystick.

That's the last thing I wanted to hear.

Oh, man. This is gonna be a long lesson.

Go forward.

Okay.

And now start turning the wheel. Go slow, though.

Right now? Start turning?

Keep the brake on, keep the brake on.

Turn, turn, turn.

Now just... here, just go with me.

Work with me.

Okay.

All right?

I'm feeling this.

You're doing awesome now.

'Cause you're doing it. I'm not doing anything.

No, I'm not doing anything. Now straighten it up.

Let me see how you straighten up the wheel.

Straighten it. No, no, no, sto...

You got to go like this.

I'm sorry. I didn't know if it was straight or not.

There you go.

So, I'm trying to drive, and my dad, he's like, "okay, you can't do this! Raah!"

And he just grabs the wheel, tries to take control.

I'm like, "Dad, I want to be able to do it myself."

But I understand why he's doing it.

He's just trying to ensure that we don't die.

Going a little fast.

You didn't put on your blinker.

You're too close to the curb.

Slow down.

Whee!

Jazz, come on! Stop! Hit the brake.

[Laughing]

[Tires screech]

It's so fun! [Giggles]

I put it in park.

Okay.

[Chuckles]

Sorry if I, like, scared you.

This is no joke.

We're gonna make this turn again.

Do it slow, and be careful.

And here we go.

La, la, la.

Good.

Straighten it out.

You got it. Good.

I got this.

Jazz: After this first driving lesson, I feel like it's only gonna be a few more times until I actually feel comfortable behind the wheel.

To be honest, my dad was actually a really good teacher.

You know, by the end of it, I got my driving down perfectly.

[Laughing]

You did good.

I love you.

I'll drive from here.

Okay.

Jazz: Jay, you really have muscular arms. Flex.

No.

Yes.

No, it's good.

I'll flex. Hey, nothing!

Girl, look at that, look at that!

And I'm supposed to be biologically male.

[Laughter]

Jazz: Casey and Jayleen are old friends, but they don't go to my school, and we don't find the time to hang out with each other.

I know that my mom is pushing me to make new friends, but Casey and Jay are really the only friends that I need.

You never even told us how L.A. was.

The surgery did go well.

The implant in my arm did break, though.

Weren't you, like, scared when they told you it had broken?

I wasn't that scared because I was in the O.R., and if something goes wrong, they could fix it, so they were able to get it out, and they put the new one in, and everything went smoothly.

But the only bad thing that happened was the rash.

I sent you guys pictures. It was, like, boiling up.

And it was blistering and it was red.

It was really itchy.

But I think things are finally starting to get better.

It took me a while to understand what being transgender was.

I'm sure it's tough for her 'cause she has to overcome different obstacles.

But she's a strong girl, and I love her for who she is.

So, has anything interesting happened, like, since you got back from L.A.?

There's this one thing.

My mom told me there's a lot of transgender people in the community, and they all go to this one school.

Really?

She's really pushing me to go, like, one of their GSA meetings or something.

I think that's such a coincidence how, like, a lot of them ended up at this school.

A good opportunity to meet people.

I don't know.

It'll be good for you.

Yeah.

But even though they are transgender, that's just, like, one thing that we can relate to.

It doesn't mean we're automatically gonna be best friends.

You know, my mom thinks that if they're transgender and I'm transgender that we're automatically gonna be compatible, but it doesn't really work that way.

Everyone's different, transgender or not.

Do you think it's gonna be, like, a little weird having to meet all these new kids?

Um, I don't know. It definitely is a little weird.

'Cause you guys know I've become distant with my friends at school.

So, what exactly happened with your friends at school?

Um, we've just kind of become distant.

We're not talking as much, and I really have no one at school.

Like, I'm silent every day.

You have us.

Yeah.

And I think this thing that you're gonna go to to meet all those kids is gonna be good.

There's, like, a certain unity with all of you, so...

Like, when it comes to being transgender.

As a community.

♪ Can't have "community" without "unity" ♪
♪ Unless you just want "comm" ♪

[Laughter]

Oh, my gosh.

So, you're looking forward to going to this group?

Sure.

Jazz: We're driving to this GSA meeting to meet all of the transgender kids, and I know that my mom has good intentions, but I also think that she should allow me to meet people on my own accord and just kind of do what I feel like doing.

♪ Yeah ♪

[Scatting]

Stop singing.

[Scatting continues]

Uh, Jazz...

♪ I don't care, I'm a selfish bitch ♪

Stop! Jazz.

[Singing indistinctly]

All right, Jazz, I've asked you nicely to stop.

Stop! Stop.

I don't want to raise my voice.

Ooh, girl! She got sassy.

I swear, you're pissing me off.

Then it sounds like...

[Singing indistinctly]

I know that she has no desire to be out there socializing, getting to know new people, but I really have high hopes for this meeting.

I don't know what else we have to say?

What do we have to say?

Repeat the same thing all over again? Yes.

And I really don't feel like doing that.

Unfortunately, she's just in a nasty mood.

You never know what's gonna trigger her.

She could be tired, could be the hormones.

And you know what? She's a teenager.

But when she's not in the mood, we all suffer.

Jazz is going to be on a LGBTQ friendly radio station.

She's never taken questions from a national audience before.

You have a penis and you might as well k*ll yourself.

I'm really exited to take Jazz to Gender Bender tonight.

I don't really like going to support groups I just never know what to say.

My boobs look irregular.

I'm Cameron.

I have been starting to consider top surgery.

I was truly willing just to end my life.

Did you, like, come out to a group of people, or...?

Yeah, it was, like, an assembly.

Really?

Hi, Jazz.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Thank you. You too.

Jazz: Now that we're here for this GSA meeting, I'm just gonna make the most of it.

Who wants to share a story first?

So let me ask you a question... on our panel, we have female-to-male transitions.

Why do you think that is that we don't have any male-to-female?

Most M2Fs are afraid, because you always hear about, like, trans women getting m*rder*d.

And you don't really hear about trans men getting m*rder*d because femininity is looked down upon.

Didn't you used to go to my school?

I went there until my 8th grade year, but I left because I didn't have, like, the greatest experience.

Yeah, with your friends and all that.

You left me alone.

I'm sorry. You could always come to my school.

Yeah, that's a possibility.

I don't know.

What happened was, there was a couple of girls that, when I came out as a lesbian...

I hadn't come out as trans yet... they thought that I was interested in them, and I wasn't, but they kind of excluded me, and I felt very alone.

Hi. I'm Alex.

I only took two people that I knew with me from middle school to high school.

One girl just wouldn't accept me, and she kept telling other people that, like, I wasn't a boy and, like, that wasn't my name.

She was a nice person.

Like, I used to be really good friends with her, and I... I just... it's sad that I had to, like, lose her.

Yeah.

There was this one situation where I had become close with this girl, and it was time for me to tell her that I was transgender.

And based on her religion, she decided not to accept me, and we had to start completely not talking to each other.

Jazz: You know, being transgender kids, we've had similar experiences, like discrimination and the loss of friends.

You know, high school is really hard.

Kids are always selfish and worried about themselves, and we're all trying to figure each other out and ourselves out, and it really is difficult to be a teenager, and being transgender on top of that makes it that much harder.

Lucas: I had a lot of people come up to me that actually didn't like me before I transitioned come up to me and say, like, "oh, my god.

Now that you're trans, I want to be, like, best friends with you."

Like, "I've never had a trans friend before."

And it's like, "well, you still don't," but, um...

[Laughter]

Has anything like that ever happened to you, like somebody kind of fake-friends you just because of the experience?

There's been people like that who have said similar things like, "wow. It's so cool that you're inspiring people.

We should be best friends."

And then you'll talk more with them, and you'll realize that they want to be your friend for the wrong reason, and it's not okay that way.

Dating as a trans person was hard because I had someone that I was interested in and was also interested in me that told me that they couldn't because I was trans.

They didn't want to go to prom with me because of how their parents would think.

I haven't really delved into the world of dating that much.

I'm still, like, shy and stuff, but, um...

She's not really shy normally, though.

[Laughter]

Well, when it comes to dating.

But I definitely think that's unfair to you because they should be looking at you for who you are on the inside, and I know that one day, I have hope that I'll find someone who just loves and accepts me for who I am and I can love and accept, as well, and I hope all of you find someone like that, so...

Yeah, cool. Thank you.

I'm the president of my school's GSA now.

Ooh, ooh!

Yay.

She's the president, so you guys have to do field trips.

Well, next year I'll be the president.

Whatever.

We can hook up, do some fun activities together.

Yeah.

[Laughter]

No, I'm really thankful to my mom for pushing me to go to this meeting.

I definitely wasn't fully on board to go at first.

I was just kind of like, "eh, whatever."

Okay, we're doing a hug line.

So nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Really nice to meet you.

Good luck with everything.

Jazz: But I definitely thought they were cool kids, and maybe we could be friends, but I don't know.

I don't really want to try to make friends.

I just kind of want it to happen.

Jeanette: Overall, I think that the GSA meeting went pretty well.

I definitely think, as a parent, that I should keep pushing Jazz to put herself out there and be in more social situations.

I worry about her.

We're social beings, and being alone in your room, hour after hour, day after day, it's just not the way to go through life.

She needs to learn how to navigate the world.

Jazz: Next time on "I Am Jazz"...

Noelle: I'm really excited to take Jazz to Gender Bender tonight just because it's my friends, and that brings her closer to my life.

Jazz: Meeting people for the first time is always super-awkward.

I just never know what to say.

My boobs look irregular. I don't know how to describe it.

Like, they're not p*rn-star, traditional breasts.

I'm doing this cool radio show. It's called "The Qiew."

We have another caller on the line.

Man: How do you even approach dating?

I mean, you may as well k*ll yourself back where I come from and try to date at school in your condition.

You [Bleep].