02x07 - Reporting for Duty

[bunniefuu]

A transformation future...

..$8.5 billion for roads, rail and ports...

Infrastructure of the 21st century.

.. benefit future generations...

There's no future plan for Australia under this government!

.. major infrastructure projects...

.. decisions for the long term...

We want to spend the money.

.. nation-building projects...

I want to be known as the infrastructure Prime Minister.

Nation-building...

Nation-building...

Got your freshly ground beans.

Mmm.

And this thing...

.. does two cups at a time.

Mmm.

Wow, that's great.

And the frothy milk thing.

Can I have a cup now?

I'll have to get Amy.

Why?

She's done the barista course.

Can't you just make me a cup now?

I think I better get Amy.

Really?!

Here's the M4.

Yep.

When you call, don't forget he's in Wellington, so it's two hours ahead.

Sure. Oh, Katie, can you get me a coffee?

Have you spoken to Amy?

No.

I'll let her know.

It's OK, Scotty was gonna check...

Is this a good time to mention the annual report?

What about it?

You have to write the year in review.

Oh.

Get last year's edition. I don't want to repeat myself.

And we've got photos this week.

Sure.

Tony?

You wanted a coffee?

Yeah!

What can I get you?

Oh, uh... long black.

Lungo or caffe Americano?

Oh, just sort of, you know...

That's an espresso with extra hot water.

Yep?

It's not a lungo.

No, well, Americano.

Coming right up.

OK!

(Giggles)

(Mutters) How did it get so complicated?

Nat: Angela?

(Mouths words)

Yes? Yes, I'll hold.

Sorry, I really need that cover letter...

Hello? Yep, so it's 8pm, six people.

OK. OK, thanks.

Have you got the cover letter...

So, it's Angela, 0413 955 622.

Fantastic. OK, thanks so much. Bye.

Phew! I'm so sorry. It's so hard to get in there.

Have you got the cover letter? For the Productivity Commission.

You said you were gonna email it to me.

Oh... the letter.

Yes.

Yeah, right. OK, when do you need it by?

Like I said, first thing.

OK. It's just I've been really snowed under with the reports and then all of your stuff...

My stuff?

No, no, not your stuff.

Just all that stuff.

I'll... I'll get right onto it.

Could you?

Yeah, Great. definitely.

Thank you.

Right onto it.

Well?

Yeah, it's good. It's a little... bitter.

You mean earthy.

Do I?

You'll get used to it once your palate matures.

Is that how it works? Yeah?

How's it going?

Good, yeah.

You seen the papers today?

No, not really...

Typical negative nitpicking.

What are you...?

They've written an article about the north-south...

Bridge?

No, the cross-city thingo.

Distributor?

No, the...

Overpass?

The tunnel.

That's not a tunnel. This is a tunnel.

What city are we in?

Sydney.

Are you talking about EastConnex tunnel?

That's it!

Apparently there's some question over its viability...

OK.

.. commercial prospects...

(Phone dials)

It's nitpicking.

Katie, can you look up the Daily Telegraph for an article on EastConnex?

Katie: How do you spell that?

Just search 'tunnel criticism'.

Actually, I think it was 'tunnel slammed'.

Is it 'Lane Cove Tunnel bankrupt'?

No.

'Cross City Tunnel financial collapse...'

No, it was a few years ago.

'Clem7 Tunnel fails'.

Now you're up in Brisbane.

'East West Link failure'.

Down in Melbourne.

Just search from this week.

Oh.

What?

We've exceeded our ten-article limit.

Why don't we subscribe to the...

OK, thanks, Katie.

Sorry, what's the problem?

They're claiming we commissioned a report into the...

Tunnel.

Yeah.

.. and now that because the findings don't suit us, we're trying to somehow bury the report.

OK, so...?

We issued a statement.

'There is no report.'

OK, it's done, then.

Great.

What's this?

The report.

Angela, I've got those updated figures for the...

Where's Angela?

Oh, she's had to head off.

She should be working on a submission!

She wasn't feeling well.

I just saw her a few minutes ago! She was booking a restaurant.

She had a bit of a migraine.

How do you have a bit of a migraine?

She's gonna try and work from home.

Try?

I'm sending her through some stuff.

It's not your job to do her job.

Oh, it's just that she's snowed under.

Uno espresso ristretto.

Thank you.

Where's the rest of it?

Says here it's unviable.

Not exactly a key finding.

'Key findings -- unwarranted, commercial prospects limited.'

It's nitpicking!

'Fundamentally flawed business case.'

That's not true, for a start.

In what way?

We didn't do a business case.

An $11 billion project?

Surely they did studies!

Focus groups.

Jim!

It was very productive.

That's where 'Connex' came from.

They came up with the name?

Two -- that and CitLink.

That ended up being an online betting agency.

So?

Can you just have a look at it?

No.

I'll leave it here.

I said no.

Can't be right.

Jim!

Just see if there's something we missed!

We're telling people we're open for business, and then whooshka -- this gets flung in our face.

Can I get a proper one of these?

I don't think you can.

Radio: The Prime Minister's got white, green, pink papers...

.. this project simply doesn't stack up...

.. it was rushed through because of a political need...

.. involved the demolition of 93 houses...

.. we need 21st century cities, not 21st century roads.

Angela.

Hi!

You know we've got my briefing at 9:00.

Yeah, yeah, sure. It's just so busy.

We do need to start on time.

Yeah, absolutely. They really need to get more staff.

I swear to God, if she rocks up late again, even when I've just told her we're about to start the meeting...

Morning, all! Phew!

Just made it. Hey!

OK, let's get down to it.

I guess the first thing we need to... Hang on, where's Hugh?

Oh, he's getting me a coffee.

'Cause you said you wanted me here.

But now we need to wait for Hugh.

Oh.

It was six months ago, and the PM said, 'Rigorous scrutiny of all projects.'

That's the quote.

You want that in the CEO's report?

Yes, all of it.

You know the photographers are in this week.

Yes, I do.

Grab a seat, guys. Thanks, Katie.

(Distant whirring)

What have you got there?

Dunno, but it ends in 'etto'.

Etto?

Anyway, the tunnel report.

Uh, yep. I had a read.

Mm-hm.

The cost benefit analysis estimates a ratio of 0.65.

So, they'll make a dollar for every 65 cents they spend.

Uh, no, they get back 65 cents for every dollar, so you actually lose.

Oh. That's not great, Tony.

No, I picked that up.

I had a play around with some other assumptions.

Increased traffic flow by 10%, ignored off-peak tolls...

And?

Got a ratio of 0.7.

So, we're making money?

Still losing.

So, for every dollar, you LOSE 30 cents.

I got it the first time.

What would it take to make it viable?

A miracle?

You could change more of the assumptions.

Just for argument's sake, I dunno, increase traffic flows 30%.

Yep.

Up tolls 25, and reduce construction costs by... make it a third.

Uh, yep. Actually, this is looking better.

We only lose 17 cents in the dollar.

Not bad.

Well?

It's a little... cold.

No, common mistake. People overheat their coffee.

Do they.

It causes the aromatics to evaporate and then what are you left with?

Hot coffee?

It should be between 70-80 degrees. Perfecto.

Thank you.

Prego.

What are you doing?

Gonna heat it up a little.

Amy's coffee?

No, it's MY coffee.

Shall I check with Amy...

No!

What if she sees you?

I'm a grown man, for heaven's sake. I can heat it up.

Tony?

(Yelps) Jesus!

Oh, my God. I thought you were Amy.

Can I have a word?

Yeah, sure.

In private.

Oh. Can you...?

No way, Tony.

Angela. She's gotta go.

Right. Which one is she again?

See Renae?

Yep.

Opposite her.

There's no-one there.

Because it's 10:30. She'll be getting a muffin.

Can she get me a coffee while she's there?

Tony, just look at that.

That's one way of spelling, 'committee.'

Oh, I've given up on typos. First two words.

'Dear sir.' The departmental secretary is a woman.

Right.

What are my options?

Well, you can pay her out.

No!

Well... promote her.

What?

Can you make her role redundant?

Yes.

Without employing someone in her place?

No.

Pay her out.

No way.

But then you're gonna have to performance manage her out.

Well, OK.

I said, 'performance manage' her out.

And I said, 'OK'.

It involves HR.

I said 'HR'.

Pay her out.

No!

Trust me.

Tony...

Yeah. What's a 'CMSK?'

Cow's milk skinny latte.

I'll have one of those.

Ah! Tony. Just got the heads up from Jim. Where are we at with the...

.. um, the... the road.

Is this the tunnel again?

Yes, yes. The tunnel.

That's a bridge. We're talking about the EastConnex tunnel.

I'm talking about a front-page b*at up and how we're gonna shape our response.

Rhonda. Macchiato.

Oh, lovely.

I'll do Rhonda's with yours.

Great. Well, we're looking into the report now.

OK.

Hugh's doing some of the figures and... - (Clanging)

.. we're gonna...

(Whirring)

How about we pop into my office?

Into where?

So, this report. Would you say it's a deeply flawed document?

No.

Just flawed.

Have you read it?

Don't have to, don't want to.

It's pretty damning.

Who's side are you on?

It's not about sides.

Here we are, trying to tell people we're open for business, and some lefty-greeny think t*nk pulls the handbrake.

'The Royal Australiasian College of Engineers.'

Renta-crowd. I've had a ring around and got some pointers.

Turns out this report failed to take into account the wider economic benefits.

In what way?

It overlooked numerous intangibles, broad externalities, and network efficiencies.

This is a report you haven't read.

No allowance has been made for upple. None.

Upple?

What?

What would upple be? Upple...

Uplift?

That's it.

Do you know what that means?

I know it's gonna make a major difference.

It's not a wonder bra. Do me a favour, read the executive summary.

It's three pages.

I will. But in the meantime, I think we need to revisit this deeply flawed document.

It's not...

I want some good news hitting my inbox by Friday.

You've forgotten the report.

Don't need it, don't want it.

And your macchiato.

I'll have hers.

OK.

Can I put that into one cup?

No.

'Rigorous press,' I reckon the quote reads well.

Small thing -- I'd make it goals and priorities, not priorities and goals.

Karsten: Tony.

Yeah.

Have you got a minute for Adam?

He's here to do photos for the annual report.

Hello, Adam.

G'day, mate.

Tony.

Adam is doing impromptu sh*ts, Tony, so everyone can keep working.

I know you didn't want to office disturbed again.

Thank you Karsten.

Can we get more light in here?

That would help.

Is this where you would work, normally?

Yes.

Sweetie...

Katie.

We're gonna have to swing this around.

Yes. I see what you're doing.

So if you stand there, chief, get you on this side, just so we can get the light in your face.

Yeah, that's it. Good.

Hold it there, boss, I'll just go get 80-200 lens.

Yes, keep working, Tony.

OK.

Angela. There are certain aspects of your performance which do not meet the standards required.

Is this about Monday?

I had a bad migraine and I had to go home.

You should have spoken to me before you disappeared.

Natalie.

Just refrain from interrupting.

So, Angela, it's across a range of areas.

Time management, task completion, personal distractions.

I'm sure Nat would have outlined these issues.

No.

She would have indicated specific areas of concern.

I certainly told her to be on time.

And I was.

Because Hugh got your coffee, and then Hugh was late, so we had to hold the meeting anyway, as if she...

Natalie.

Um, Angela, could you give Natalie and me a few minutes?

Yeah. Of course. However long you guys need.

We, um... we're...

Amy's grinding. I'll just shut the door.

Good idea.

OK...

Chief, can you do that again?

Yes Tony. Actually, can I just have you out of here for a second?

Oh, keep doing that.

Yep, I'll keep doing it if you keep... Thank you.

Keep going. That's it.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

Sorry about that.

Alright. Give us the good news.

We've had a detailed look at he report...

Sounds promising.

Fine-toothed comb.

Great.

Ran a blowtorch over the figures...

Good man.

.. and there's nothing wrong with it.

You've lost me there.

We can't fault it, Rhonda.

What happened to the blowtorch?

What happened to uplift?

It's watertight.

There must be something they've overlooked.

The business case doesn't stack up.

The jury is in, there's only one thing to do.

Find another jury.

No, Rhonda.

Call a mistrial.

What?

Objection!

You can't object when the trial's finished.

Overruled. We're appealing. All rise.

Can you do that again?

What?

Can you do that again? Yep, down.

And up. Good. And down.

Just lift your chin a bit.

Of course I let her know. Every time she arrives late or forgets to complete a task...

You...

Well...

.. do what?

.. I glare.

Glare.

It's obvious from the tone of my voice that I'm not happy.

Yes... Have there been any specific warnings given?

OK, last week she wanted the morning off to go to a funeral.

That's reasonable.

It was her friend's grandmother.

Oh, how sad.

Yes, but it was at 10:00 and she didn't get back until after 4:00.

And what did you do?

I was furious.

So you...

Glared!

Well, we're not getting anywhere.

Because the report is unequivocal.

There's a range of recommendations.

Yeah, 'Don't do it' and 'Definitely don't do it'.

What if we did?

It'd be a disaster, a debacle.

Which is worse?

No...

Coffee, anyone?

All: No.

Just seems such a shame to give up so early in the process.

That's exactly when you SHOULD k*ll a project -- before it loses billions of dollars!

We don't know that yet.

I think we do.

What did the Prime Minister say before the election?

'All major infrastructure projects should go through rigorous scrutiny.'

'We are open for business.'

We'd all just hate for this thing to fall over because of one problem.

That it's a white elephant?

But once you factor in uplift...

And externalities.

No, guys. Ditch it.

What about option B?

I said ditch it. What option B?

There's always an option B, or a C.

Or Eddie Maguire gives you a D.

Why are you smiling?

He's still out there.

Adam?

Keep doing that, mate.

OK.

Nat: 'Lack of specific warnings'. What am I supposed to do?

I sort of see her point.

What?

You do glare at her.

When?

When she doesn't do her work.

She never does her work!

Keep going, honey.

It's Nat.

Mm, might just punch in. Stay there, mate.

Oh, it's Hugh.

Is that...?

Oh, I just had to pick up some dry-cleaning.

It's a dress, Hugh.

It's Angela's.

She's snowed under.

Hugh, you do know what she's doing, right?

I know she's doing a lot of your stuff.

(Shouts) No, she's not!

Ooh! Can you do that again, honey?

Just... not quite so angry.

Katie?

What's he doing back again?

He wasn't happy with the impromptu sh*ts.

Really?

He said everyone looked angry.

What?!

Can you ask Amy to make me a coffee?

Sure.

Another ristretto?

No.

Double macchiato? Cortado?

No.

I don't even know what that is. A cappucino, per favore.

Really?

What now?

It's after 11:00.

So?

Amy says Italians don't drink cappucinos after 11:00.

I'm not Italian!

I don't know, Tony.

Could you just ask her?

Could we make it a double macchiato?

Alright, but it's gotta be over halfway, in a proper cup.

Alright!

White flag.

You win.

Well, it's the right thing to do.

So we've come up with a compromise.

I thought I won.

Here's what we do.

We commission a new report.

How's that a compromise?

You got what you wanted.

I wanted to ditch the project!

Another report can't hurt -- scrutiny, rigorous testing.

You're the blowtorch.

Alright, I'll organise another report.

Give this guy a call. He comes highly recommended.

Tony, which do you prefer?

What for?

Staff photos.

Karsten's got a theme -- 'The right tools for nation-building.'

Oh, that sounds great. Have you got a blowtorch?

Looking good, Nat.

How is it, Karsten?

Mm, THIS is a macchiato.

Those earthy aromas.

Single source.

You can tell.

I feel ridiculous.

Lovely, sweetheart.

It's Nat.

Honey, can you just barrel it this time?

Nat.

And not glare?

Tony Woodford.

Oh!

Tony.

Ken.

We know... Jim put me on it.

Absolutely, yes.

So you're specialists in transport infrastructure?

No, more general consultants.

Right, but in terms of specific expertise...?

Well, the government seem very happy with the quality of our work.

On transport?

On anything they need looking into.

Right.

Now, I have asked some of our quants to sit in, if that's OK.

Sure.

And John, our chief technical officer.

Sounds good.

After you.

Straight in there.

Thank you.

Alright, all the...

Is the blue one for anyone in particular?

No, no, we just...

Oh, wow!

Coffee OK?

Oh, it's fantastic.

Alright, let's get down to it. What can we do for you?

You've got the background material?

I think so.

Data sets, construction requirements, geotechnical specs...

A lot to get through.

A lot, yeah!

So once you've waded through all that, we would value your independent assessment of the project's viability.

In the form of...?

An independent assessment of the project and the viability.

Sure, but, you know... could you give us a broader compass direction?

Well, I wouldn't want to presuppose.

Suppose you did.

Just to make this number-crunching...

.. put it into some sort of context.

Well, I guess it's no secret...

.. if it came down to a 50/50, the Government's keen to move forward.

But it's all about the independent assessment right now, yeah.

Actually, Ken, if it's OK, we might make a start.

Yes, a lot to get on with.

I just wanted to clarify some things.

I'll brief them later.

OK.

Is there anything else you wanted to hear?

No, I think you've made our task very clear.

John, any questions?

Not now.

Mm, that's great, Amy. Just a bit higher with the sledgehammer.

Looking good, darling.

(Phone rings)

Is it OK if I answer the phone?

No, good. It'd be great.

Hello, Nation Building Authority. Amy Speaking.

Get it.

Hi, here's the research you wanted.

OK, um...

Right.

Angela, specifically, this is not good enough.

Oh. Why's that?

You've basically just printed off some online reference material.

Isn't that what you wanted?

No, I wanted a one-page summary.

OK, I'll just...

No, not the first p...

I wanted, specifically, a summary of the background information.

But you seem to need it really quickly.

OK, I'm going to explain the steps.

OK, right, is this the 'performance management' thing?

Yes.

OK. Shall I get a pen?

I'll just... I'll get one.

Katie, it's me.

Can you get Amy away from her desk for a minute? I'm coming up.

OK, thanks.

Wow, that's it. That's it.

Looking good, mate.

It's Hugh.

What's that, buddy?

Tony.

Yeah, Hugh's now... I could have made you one!

Oh, I was just coming back.

Didn't want to bother you.

It's no bother!

Yuk. Astringent.

You said get her away from her desk.

Not by dragging her to mine!

Angela? Angela? We really need to start.

OK, be right there.

Sort of NOW.

Coming.

We have got so much to do and we can't even start a meeting on time because you are too busy chatting or texting or whatever else it is that you do here, specifically.

Right. Um, OK, did everyone get the document I sent around this morning? I made a few changes.

I didn't know you drank tea.

I do now.

Oh, Tony?

Yep.

Take a look at this.

Voiceover: Fast, safe and reliable.

EastConnex will relieve congestion, create jobs and connect communities.

It's time better spent...

Oh.

Not bad, huh? It's the 3D simulation for the southern tunnel entrance.

I know what it is.

When did it arrive?

This morning. Rhonda emailed it.

You don't find that weird?

Oh, they'll add more scenery later. It's a pretty good start.

No, that we're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a high-end 3D simulation and we still don't have a study that says it should proceed.

No, but I hear it's going well.

What?

The study. Jim mentioned it when he rang Hugh.

Scotty?

Yep?

Hugh?

Coming. Where do you want me?

Over here, buddy.

The cost...

OK, mate, just a little across. Looking good, buddy.

And just shuffle in. Shuffle in.

In, in. That's the way, tiger.

Sorry, sorry!

Ooh, actually...

Can I just get you in the middle, and sugar? If you could just swap...

So you can just go on the outs... You're dead centre.

That is it, and I think we are good to go.

OK, everyone. Big smiles.

Think of all the things NBA's achieved.

Ooh, rockstar, you're frowning.

Tony.

Yeah, and sweetheart?

Nat.

If I could just get you not to glare.

We've got the finance committee meeting here at 3:00...

Yep.

We still need to sign off on the changes to the Canberra Public Hospital tender.

Yep.

There's something else.

Bean of the day is shade-grown Maragogype.

No, We've got a report that should take at least two months to do.

But people are off doing 3D simulations and Jim's calling Hugh for some reason.

Can you do a bit of detective work for me?

Sure.

Call the tunnel consultants. Just ask them on my behalf if they need any extra help with the report, just to see how it's going.

Which report?

The EastConnex tunnel report.

This one?

What? When did that come in?

Jim just dropped it off.

Still want me to call them?

What, they've done all this in a week?!

Pretty impressive.

They say it's a goer.

How's it a goer?

For every dollar, we get back $1.50.

That means we're getting 50c for every dollar.

I know how the maths works, just not how they've come up with it.

I think the traffic projections might be up a little. Page 46...

187,000 vehicles...

What was the old figure?

52,000.

Phew! Traffic got bad.

They've more than tripled them?

Yes. They've also increased toll revenue and included wider economic benefits.

You know what this means?

Mm-hm.

We may need to redo the 3D simulation.

(Calls) Katie? Find Jim!

So, Natalie, ah, just wanted to touch base re Angela.

Right, about the performance management plan?

Yes.

I do have a few concerns.

A few?

We will have to formally issue a warning. It's about time.

To you.

Me?

This is just a first warning, so if you demonstrate sincere efforts to manage your aggression...

My aggression?!

Let's keep this to a first warning.

Now, I've spoken with Angela.

She's... she's upset, as you can see but given some time off, we should be able to work things through.

Here he is -- man of the moment!

No, I'm not.

Champagne?

No, thank you.

Now, I think you've met Ken.

Yeah, g'day, Ken.

Nice to see you again. Sorry, Jim, Rhonda, can I have a quick word?

Could I just run through the luncheon specials?

No.

OK. Have you read this?

Just the conclusion.

I've read Jim's text. $1.50 -- here's to uplift!

Do you know how they reached that number?

Don't need to.

By inflating every revenue figure and halving every cost.

In order to give us the answer they thought we wanted.

So it's a win-win.

I just signed off on an annual report that describes our commitment to rigorous independent assessment of ALL major projects.

But we've done the assessment.

$1.50!

We're guarantors for this project.

So when it goes south -- and it will -- we're on the hook for $3 billion.

So I want you to think very carefully before you take the next step.

Tony, Jim wanted you to see this.

I don't want to see it.

Front page!

Seriously?

'Open For Business -- Sydney's EastConnex received a boost today with the release of a glowing report.'

Katie, I don't want to hear it.

But it mentions us! A lot.

Yeah.

Good thing I subscribed. I'm gonna print this out.

Just hang on a second.

What am I now, Amy?

You're... seven.

S... (Sighs)

We can still pay her out.

I don't want to pay her out.

We can shuffle her sideways. They always need people at comms.

That's dumping our problem onto someone.

Where do you think she came from?

Here she is!

Sorry, I haven't seen her for ages.

I bet. Well, you're here now.

Well, I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say we're sorry to be losing Angela.

But she's staying in the department.

She's moving across to comms and a little promotion.

Yay!

(Applause)

(Giggles) Thank you.

Nat, would you like to say anything?

I'm sorry, Tony. We can't find it anywhere.

Oh, that's OK. It'll be the cleaners or something.

I'll have to get you one from downstairs again.

That's OK.

Tony!

I'm not proud of myself.

We'll have to put it back.

End of the week.

Annual Report's finished -- looks fantastic!

You're glaring again.