04x16 - ... I Lose Myself

Previously on AMC's "Fear the Walking Dead"...

We're headed for you now.

And we can't miss each other again.

Morgan: I said I'm gonna get you out of here.

That's what I'm gonna do.

♪ [Crash, car alarm blaring]

♪ Martha: You're strong now.


Let's go make him strong, too.


♪ [Walkers growling]


[Walkers growling]

♪ [Breathing heavily]

♪ [Door handle clacks]

[Growling continues]

♪ [Flesh squishing]

♪ [Exhales sharply]

♪ ♪ [Grunts]

[Door creaks]

[Door slams, lock rattles]

♪ [Growling continues]

[Glass shatters]

[Breathing heavily]

[Walkie talkie clicks]

[Static crackles]



Do you copy?

[Static hisses]



Do you copy?

[Static hisses]

I got out through the basement.

Had to hole up in a post office for the night.

I'm in a parking garage a couple miles south of the hospital.

[Static whines]

If you...


[Dial clicks]

[Walkie talkie thuds]

[Growling continues]

[Breathing heavily]

♪ You gotta be shittin' me.

♪ [Door creaks]

[Walkers growling in distance]

♪ ♪ ♪ [Static crackles]

♪ [Gun clacks]


[Electricity zaps]

[Engine sputters, starts]

[Engine revs]

[Gear shift clicks]

[Brakes screech]

[Gear shift clicks, engine shuts off]

[Walkers growling in distance]

[Breathing heavily]

[Growling continues]

[Walker growls]

♪ sh1t.

He's strong now.

Where is everyone else?

What did you do to them?

♪ You took my tapes.

You took my van.

You owe me.

I don't want to hurt you.

I like you.

You don't make people weak.

Lady, I don't know what that means.

I watched your interviews.

So many people needing something.

But you?

You just gave them whatever it took to get their story.

Nothing more.

That's real strength.

Where are my tapes?

Where's my van?

Where are they?

If I know Morgan, he's looking for you.

I want you to give him a message when he finds you.

I'm not telling him sh1t.

You got a message...


...tell him yourself.

All right.



[Gunshot, walker thuds]

[Gun cocks]

[Gunshot, gun cocks]

♪ Ugh!

[Body thuds]

[Birds chirping]

♪ ♪ June: Al?



[Exhales sharply]


Where is sh...



What happened?

Where is she?


The woman who's trying to kill us.


You were in the street.

We didn't see her.

We heard you over the walkie.

Then we went to that parking garage.

And when we didn't find you, we figured you must have doubled back to the hospital and tried to find us.

I saw Jim.

Did everyone else make it?

We're all here.

We're just circling the wagons before we make the push to Virginia.

What did she say to you?

Bitch said she liked me, wanted me to deliver a message.

I demurred.



she delivered it anyway.


She kind of made you her carrier pigeon.


I am so disappointed in you, Morgan.

I gave you so many chances to be strong.

But you didn't take any of them.

But maybe it was my fault.

[BIRDS CHIRPING) Maybe I wasn't strong enough.

♪ You'll see me again, and when you do, I'll be stronger than ever.

And I'll make you strong, too.

I will.

♪ ♪ [Crickets chirping]

♪ So, Mo-Mo, you finally gonna tell us where the hell in Virginia we're actually going?

It's called Alexandria.

[Fire crackling]

And there's a few places more or less nearby.

Place with the king?


Pet tiger?

We'll go there.

How's the patient?

Better now.

[Walkie talkie clicks]

Luciana: Found a truck with a full tank.

On our way back.


It appears we'll be arriving in Alexandria via caravan.

Well, we're gonna need the extra room.

Thought we'd make a stop where we first met...

Polar Bear's truck stop.

We'll load up the boxes, and we'll drop them on the road, whole way to Virginia.

Well, we should get some sleep.

We hit the road at dawn.

Victor: Let's pack it in.

[Crickets chirping]

Maybe I wasn't strong enough.

But don't worry.

I will be.

John: I can take over.

When did you...

Nature called.

I answered.

I expected to find you walking away.

I thought I was gonna have to jog after you just to tell you that I know what you're up to.

What am I up to, John?

Oh, you're gonna run again.

You found a reason to leave us.


It's not...

It's not running.

She's dying, John.

We already tried to help her.

She don't want it.

She thinks the only way to be strong is to die and turn.

She tried to kill you.

She tried to kill June.

She's stuck.

Whatever happened to her, she thinks killing is the only way.

How you gonna convince her otherwise?

Because I understand her.


I used to be her.

[Crickets chirping]

I'll come with you.


No, this is...

this is something I've got to do on my own.

All of you, you...

you go here.

This is how you get there, to Alexandria.

I put it on paper just in case.

Oh, come on.

You heard me, John.

[Paper rustles]

Got to do this on my own.

Now, you told me something like that once before.

You almost got yourself killed.

Now you're gonna go off and do the exact same thing again?




Because I do.


that sounds like she's not the only one who's stuck.


♪ I will get to Alexandria.

I will meet you all there...

hopefully with her.

♪ I'm gonna wait at that truck stop.

I bet everyone else will, too.

You don't come back inside of two days, I'm gonna come looking for you.

I will be there.

♪ You know, there are some fish in this world just won't be caught, no matter what you dangle in front of them.

You could go after them, sure.

My gut tells me just to leave them be.

♪ Now, I'm talking about fish...

in this case.

But I think it applies to this woman, too.

I still got to try, though.

I know.

I know you do.

♪ You know, hell, you might be the fish.

Maybe I am.


♪ [Staff clacks]

[Metal clatters softly]

♪ ♪ ♪ [Crickets chirping]

♪ ♪ [Walkie talkie clicks]

I know you're listening.

And I know you think this is the only way that you can be strong.

But I'm telling you there's another way.

Let me show you.

Let me try to.

♪ [Walkie talkie clicks]

Martha: Morgan?

I knew you'd come looking.


Where are you?

Mile marker 54.

[Walkie talkie clicks]

♪ [Walkie talkie clicks]

I'm on my way.

♪ ♪ [Doorbell jingles]

[Electricity buzzes, hums]

[Wheelchair creaks]

♪ ♪ [Thud]

♪ [Doorbell jingles]

♪ ♪ [Coffee pot clacks]

♪ [Coffee dripping]

[Air hisses, coffee pours]

Thank you.


♪ [Coffee pours]

♪ [Bullets clack]

[Magazine clicks]

♪ [Water sloshes]

[Water running]

♪ Are we really doing this?

♪ Victor: We could always go back to the mansion.

The Chateau Lafite is waiting for us.

Alicia: It's gone.

There's nothing for us back there.

So let's find something else to do.

Let's find another reason to live.

♪ ♪ [Pills rattle]

[Liquid pours]

[Toy wheels whir]

[Toy thuds]

John: What?

Oh, now...

come on.

[Knife clicks]


It's just, reminds me of shopping at Bill's.

Have you seen the movie selection here?


[Knife clacks]

I don't think we'll be getting back to Bill's anytime soon.

Or my cabin.

Storm pretty much made that a near certainty.


[Plastic crinkles]

Before the storm, when you asked if I wanted to go...

No, that...

that doesn't matter, June.


I want you to hear this.

I was scared that you'd realize that I wasn't who you thought I was.

A lot has happened between then and now.

I know who you are.

Doesn't matter what your name is.

I know you.

I know you.

Doesn't take a whole day to recognize sunshine.

♪ Well, I wanted you to know that I know who I am now.

You gave that to me.

I didn't even know it.

♪ I needed to.

I needed you, John.

♪ ♪ ♪ [Footsteps]

[Birds chirping]


[Thudding on window]

[Thudding on door]


[Barrier rattles]


[Insects chirping]

[Staff clatters]

[Birds chirping]

You armed?


[Groans weakly]

[Groans weakly]

Not yet.

My people...

we can help you.

♪ No, no.


No, no.

Not yet.



There's no time.

I'm taking you back.

♪ [Martha groaning]

[Staff clacks]

[Engine starts, ignition beeps]

[Engine revs]

♪ No!

[Breathing heavily]


[Slamming on door]

Martha: You weren't supposed to see me like this.

[Slamming continues]


You're gonna take these.


They'll clear up the infection.

[Pills rattle]

[Bottle thuds]

So, what was that place?

What happened back there?

[Engine rumbling]

Who'd you lose?

It's a long trip.

Thought talking might help.

[Walkie talkie clicks]

John: Morgan, do you copy?

[Static crackles]

Morgan, I repeat...

do you copy?

John, I copy.

I found her.

I'm bringing her back.

Where are you taking me?

To Mississippi.

John, do you copy?


[Button clicks]

Morgan, I repeat...

do you copy?

[Static crackles]

I never should have let him go.

You saw the transmitter outside.

That baby's 50 watts.

If he's got ears, he can hear you.

But there's no way his signal's getting back here...

at least not until he gets closer.



Told Wendell to lay off the sweetener.


How's it going up there?

This ought to get us to Virginia.

Smiley rode the engine without coolant.

Care to channel that anger into something a bit more productive?

We could use some help with the boxes.

[Walker growling]

[Liquid pouring]

Got these.

[Groans lightly]

[Walkers growling]

♪ Al?

♪ [Groans]


♪ [Gunshots]

[Growling stops]

♪ Al?


Come on.

♪ Better get inside.

We're gonna have more company.

♪ [Insects chirping]

♪ [Engine rumbling]

[Inhales deeply, sighs]

My husband.

What was his name?

♪ [Voice breaking]


♪ What happened to him?

Back when everything was starting...

we were trying to get out of the city.

I was driving.

♪ Someone was weaving in and out of the traffic...

trying to get ahead...

trying to get theirs.

♪ And they clipped me.

My Hank...

he needed my help.

[Inhales sharply]

And I didn't know what to do.

I went out to the road, tried to flag someone down.

But no one stopped.

No one pulled over to help.

And that is not your fault.

He needed me to be strong.

And I wasn't.

Hey, I know that's what you think.

But that isn't true.


You are stuck.


[Walkie talkie clicks]

June: Morgan, if you can hear this, please hurry back.

Something's wrong.

Al got sick.

[Walkers growling]

We thought it was what she had before.


it's not just her.

It's all of us.

♪ [Stall door creaks, water running]


Morgan, something's not right.

Please, if you hear this [Breathing heavily]

get back.

[Button clicks]

Can you hear me?

If you can hear me, I'm on my way back, okay?

I am on my way back.

[Walkie talkie thuds]

[Engine revs]


You hang on.

I can't.

Just pull over.

There's no time.

I need to get back.

Pull over.

I said I can't!

Okay, okay.

I'll take the damn medicine.

[Pills rattle]




[Tires screeching]


Morgan: [Grunts]

[Crash, engine stops]

♪ [Groans]

I told you not...

[Breathing heavily]

I told you I was gonna make you strong.

[Morgan groans]

[Exhales sharply]

I think, Morgan, that's what you always wanted.


♪ [Marker scratching]

♪ _ [Coughs, inhales deeply]


[Breathing heavily]

Martha: [Breathing heavily]

It doesn't have to end this way for us.


♪ It does for me.

♪ I made sure you couldn't help.

♪ Now, you either kill me, or I kill you.

♪ I don't kill.

♪ [Walkie talkie clicks, static hisses]

♪ [Heavy breathing over walkie talkie]

[Static hisses]


I got to get to them.

You'll never make it.

I got to try.



It's not for them.

It's for you.

You're scared.

If they die...

June: Morgan?

...you'll become what you used to be.

That's why you left that place back east before.

June: Morgan, please hurry back.


[Breathes deeply]

That's why you came to find me on your own.

I came to find you because you needed help.

You knew I wouldn't take it.

♪ I have been where you are.

I have.

Morgan, are you there?

You still are.

Whatever this is, it's getting worse.

You always will be unless you decide to be strong.




[Vehicle thuds]

Now, you either kill me and become what you used to be, or you let me make you strong.

[Walkers growling]



What the hell is this?


We just need to stay hydrated.

♪ ♪ [Bottle thuds]

♪ No.



♪ ♪ [Breathing heavily]

♪ These bottles...

all the seals have been broken.

♪ Someone poisoned us.

♪ She did.

♪ [Walkie talkie clicks]

June: Morgan.

Morgan, she did this.

She put something in the water.

Is that true?

Last time I was there, I did.

I didn't know you and...


...and your friends were gonna stop.

It's like I was saying.

That's what you get for helping people.

You made them weak, Morgan.

What did you do?

What is it?

It doesn't matter.

There's nothing you can do.

What is it?!


♪ Antifreeze.



♪ God!

She put antifreeze in the water.

Do you copy?

It's antifreeze.

They can't hear you.

Oh, God.

You can't help them.

Don't you understand?

They are going to die.

And there is nothing you can do about it.





Now you're strong.


♪ [Chokes, chuckles]

I knew it was still in you.


♪ [Choking]

♪ [Coughs, gasps]


[Coughs, gasps]


I won't.

They're gonna die.

And there's nothing you can do.

[Exhales sharply]


[Walkie talkie clacks]

Yes, there is.


♪ Aah!

[Metal clatters]

[Breathing heavily]


♪ You're gonna be strong.

[Car door opens]

[Fly buzzes]

We both will.

You'll see.

[Handcuffs rattle]




What are you doing?

[Handcuffs click]





I won't kill you.

But I'm also not gonna let you kill anybody after you've turned.

It's not supposed to be this way.

[Staff clacks]

It's not supposed to be this way!

It's not supposed to be this way!


♪ [Morgan breathing heavily]

♪ ♪ [Grunting]

[Birds chirping]

♪ ♪ [Walkie talkie clicks]

Anybody hear me?

I repeat...

can anybody hear me?

♪ [Walkers growling, glass squeaking]

♪ ♪ [Breathing heavily]

[Walkie talkie clicks]

Anybody copy?


Come on.

Does anybody copy?


[Growling continues]

♪ [Birds chirping]

[Electricity crackles]

[Engine starts]

[Door creaks, closes]

[Engine revs]

♪ [Growling continues]

[Tapes clack]

[Case clacks]

♪ ♪ [Breathes sharply]

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [Staff clacking]

♪ Ohh!


♪ ♪ [Staff clacks]

♪ [Groans]

♪ [Walkers growling, smacking windows]

♪ [Chuckles]

♪ [Sniffles]

♪ [Insects chirping]

[Birds chirping]

♪ [Grunts]


♪ [Walkie talkie clicks]

Does anybody hear me?

[Growling continues]

♪ [Breathing heavily]

♪ [Coughs]

♪ [Groans]

[Breathing heavily]


I'm not gonna let that bitch beat me.

♪ [Button clicks]

[Exhales sharply]


you're out there...

you tell her I'm coming for her.

[Static crackles, al speaks indistinctly]


I don't know how.


♪ [Grunts]

[Static crackles, al speaks]

[Staff scrapes, clacks]

♪ Al: But I will.


Do you copy?

Al, do you copy?

[Growling continues]

♪ [Chuckles]

[Button clicks]


What took you so long?

Oh, thank God.

It's antifreeze, okay?

It's antifreeze.


The antidote is ethanol.

It'll stop us from metabolizing the antifreeze.

There's a goddamn tanker truck full of it crashed outside.

All we got to do is get to it.

[Breathing heavily]

Well, what are we waiting for?


[Weak laughter]

[Button clicks]


We're gonna be okay.

You just get your ass back here.


I'm on my way.

♪ Come on!

[Exhales sharply]

[Walkers growling]

[Exhales sharply]

[Glass thumping]

Everybody ready?

We're ready.

[Breathes heavily]

Let's stir up some beef.

[Pounding on glass]

♪ [Groans]

[Pounding on glass]

[Exhales sharply]


[Al and sarah grunt]

[Door squeaks]

[Growling continues]







[Blade slices]

[Body thuds]

[Pounding continues]


♪ [Gunshot]

[Gun cocks, shell clatters]

Victor: John, come on.


[Walkers growling]




[Metal clangs]




[Breathing heavily]

Come on.

To the truck.

Alicia: We need to get you back inside.


[Container clacks]

Luciana: [Breathing heavily]

[Container thuds, metal clangs]

[Growling continues]

[Metal dings, squeaks]


♪ [Coughing]

It's stuck.

Come on.


[Metal squeaks]

♪ I can't get it.

♪ [Tapping]

♪ [Metal squeaks]

[Growling continues]

Get down!

[Metal creaks]



[Bullets ricocheting]

♪ [Breathing heavily]

[Casing clatters, metal creaks]

[Breathing heavily]

[Liquid pouring]

♪ Luciana: [Coughing]

♪ [Breathing heavily]

♪ [Walkers growling]

[Walkie talkie clicks]

Morgan: How's it all going over there?


♪ [Button clicks]

Morgan, we lost the ethanol.

There was a whole truck full of it outside.

It was gonna save us.

[Walker growling]

But there's got to be more, right?

There isn't.

Even if there was, I don't think any of us are in any shape to get it.

[Button clicks]

[Exhales sharply]



Hey, no, you got to find a way.

John: Morgan, it's John.

[Button clicks]

I don't think that's gonna happen, bud.

No, see...

[Walkers growling]

I can't lose you.

I can't lose any of you.

♪ I can't go back to what I was.

You won't.

I did.

I almost did.

[Button clicks]

But you didn't.

I will.

♪ You see, she was right.

[Staff clacking]

I'm not...

I'm not strong enough.

[Breathing heavily]

[Button clicks]

You're the strongest person I know, Morgan.

♪ Whether we're here or not, you're still gonna be you.

[Static crackles]

♪ [Sighs]

And people out there need you.

[Static crackles]

I-It's not like...



♪ [Walkie talkie clatters]

♪ ♪ [Growling continues]






[Walkers growling]

♪ ♪ Whoever finds these...

keep them safe.

Make sure they survive.

Make sure they matter.

♪ What's the final count?

How many of those meat puppets we take out?

[Groans weakly]

Not enough.

[Walkers thumping on glass]

Just when I stopped trying to drink myself to death...

I succeed.

[Exhales sharply]

I thought...

we would get a chance...

to make up for what we did.

[Thumping, growling continue]

I thought I'd get a second chance.

At least I got to see the beach.

Yeah, you did.

[Vehicle approaches]

[Brakes screech]

[Air hisses]

[Thumping, grunting in distance]

♪ [Doorbell jingles]

[Breathing heavily]


♪ You came back.


I told you I would.

[Chuckles weakly]


that's just a fancy word for alcohol, right?


♪ I made a stop along the way.

♪ [Doorbell jingles]

♪ [Bottle cap clacks, air hisses]

That's twice Jimbo's saved our keisters.

Here's to you, asshole.

♪ [Laughs]

♪ You know, there was a time I thought I didn't have anyone to share a drink with anymore.

♪ [Glass clacks lightly]

[Beer sloshes]

♪ Charlie, you know this is a one-time deal, right?

She was poisoned, John.

I know.

Just don't go getting poisoned again till you're at least 21.

♪ Yeah?


[Exhales sharply]

[Both laugh]


I get it.

I get why this is what you wanted.

♪ [Water dripping]

♪ [Water running]

[Water splashes]

[Water shuts off]

[Electricity humming]

[Exhales sharply]

[Insects chirping]

[Birds chirping]

[Walker growling]

[Staff clacks]


[Staff clacking]


[Growling stops]

[Body thuds]

[Breathes deeply]

[Rocks clack]

Morgan, can we get our asses in gear and get to Alexandria now?

We're not going there.

[Staff clacking]

At least, I'm not.

That woman...


she was the way she was because nobody stopped to help her when she needed it...


And there are still more people like her out there.

You see, Polar Bear was...

[Birds chirping]

His journals...

you still got them?


[Water rushing]

[Leaves rustle]

When Polar Bear started doing what he was doing, he tried to set up a system that'd last.

The supplies, the fuel, even those trucks at the truck stop...

they all came from here.

This is where it all started.

Used to be a denim factory.

He said he used to make deliveries for them, you know, before.

And then after, he set up shop here because...

look at it.

So out of the way.

I don't need a new pair of dungarees, Mo-Mo.

That wasn't our deal, man.

Well, look, nobody is being forced to stay.

♪ You want to make up for what you did to Clayton?

♪ This is where you start.

♪ Morgan, it can't just be about the boxes.

We have to do what my mom did...

build this into something more.

That's how you help people.

♪ Victor: And where are we gonna find these people?

They're in short supply, in case we hadn't noticed.

♪ Got tapes, interviews with people all over the area.

Some of them weren't doing so hot.

Start with them.

♪ [Staff thuds lightly]

♪ What?

♪ I got layers.

♪ [Engine revs]

[Brakes screech]

[Air brake hisses]

♪ [Camera thuds]

John: You think we'll find him there?

I think it's a good place to start.

[Walkie talkie clicks]


[Walkie talkie clicks]


[Marker squeaks]

Now we good.

Let's boogie.

[Bullets clack]

[Engine idling]

♪ We're ready.

Let's go.


[Engines rev]

♪ ♪ Morgan: Don't know if any of you are out there.

Don't know if any of you are listening.

But if you are, hang in there.

We're coming for you.