01x05 - The Block Party

Episode transcripts for the 2009 TV show "The Middle". Aired: September 2009 to May 2018.*
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"The Middle" follows the daily mishaps of a working class, middle-aged, Midwestern, married woman and her semi-dysfunctional family and their attempts to survive life in general in the city of Orson, Southwest Indiana.
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01x05 - The Block Party

Post by bunniefuu »

Here in the midwest, fall is the best time of year. Corn mazes, football booster club, and in our neighborhood, the Birchwood Avenue Block Party. If you live between 321 and 452 Birchwood Avenue, you're more than welcome. But if you don't, well, you're out of luck. But the most exciting thing about the block party is the Birchwood 500-- Three nail-biting laps around the block on your riding mower. The whole neighborhood looks forward to it, especially the kids.

Lawnmower races are lame.

Well, most of them, anyway. Axl's in that phase right now where everyone and everything is lame.

Birthdays are lame.

TV's lame.

Food is lame.

Hey.

Last year, when Jack Meenahan won, you said, "Don't worry, Dad.

We'll get 'em next year." We.

And for that reason alone, I bet him that the loser this year has to mow the other guy's lawn for a year.

Yeah, well, that was lame.

You know what's lame?

Thinking everything's lame is lame!

That's what's lame!

Whatever!

What I just yelled was lame, wasn't it?

Well, we're not allowed to yell what we really want to.

I'm supposed to tell you something.

It's important.

Important.

Well?

They want to talk to you and Dad about that test I had to take.

The Waterman-Ginsberg test?

Yeah.

Why'd I have to take that test anyway?

No reason.

Then why'd they only give it to me and the kid who sets things on fire?

Mom, throw this.

That was just the day you took it.

They give that test to everyone.

They don't.

Throw it again.

Wait. Why am I doing this?

Tryouts for tennis team are next week. Yay!

You're trying out for tennis?

No. Coach said that's a long sh*t, but he did say there are openings for ball girl.

Yay!

And I'm the one who needs testing.

The reason Brick needed testing was because...

Well, the counselor explained it so well, I'll let her tell it.


Brick's teachers referred him for Waterman-Ginsberg testing because they observed that, although very bright, your son struggles socially.

In layman's terms, he has a hard time making friends.

We needed some $500 test to tell us that?

I could've told you that for free.

Mike, let her finish.

Thank you.

The test revealed that Brick is slightly challenged in his ability to establish appropriate peer connections.

I see.

He has a hard time making friends.

Exactly.

So there you have it.

I-I think what my husband and I are wondering is, why?

Why does he have a hard time making friends?

Oh, who can say why anyone does anything?

You're supposed to, for 500 bucks.

Mike, let her finish.

Oh, I'm done.

Let me tell you something.

Brick is the happiest kid I know.

Sure, he whispers to himself.

Sure, he showers sitting down.

Maybe he licked the car once or twice.

Hey, don't write that down!

I-I guess what we were wondering is...

Is there something we should be doing?

Well, what do you do now to help him socialize?

I think--

Shh!

Oh, you know... the usual.

I'd do a little more than that.

So... should we be concerned?

I guess what I'd advise is that you be concerned, but not overly concerned.

Do what you can and hope for the best.

That's it?

That's it.

Not so bad.

Now doesn't it feel good to have a plan?

So how'd the kid who lights things on fire do?

That stupid counselor meeting left us more confused than ever.

Why is everyone always trying to convince you something's wrong with your kids?


What is wrong with you? That is for the block party.

I can read. I'm not stupid.

We'll be the judge of whether you're stupid or not.

Now, I know you own pants.

I've seen them draped over the TV.

Go put 'em on.

Oh, Mom, are you going to the Booster Club thing at school on Friday?

Well, I will if you want me to.

You sound like you do.

You know, that means so much to me.

Oh, I miss you!

Chill. Gross.

Thought we talked about this.

What happened to him?

I mean, he used to be so sweet.

Remember when he was six and he made me that clay giraffe?

Thank you for being the best mom ever.

Should've kept that.

So what are we gonna do?

About which one?

The small one.

I don't know.

Maybe we didn't do enough for Brick.

He's a third kid.

He's lucky we remember to feed him.

Looking good, Sue!

She's trying out for ball girl.

Oh, I can't help thinking it's my fault.

She didn't make anything else.

That's her fault-- not yours.

No. We're on Brick now.

Hard to keep track, isn't it?

I just feel like I've slacked off.

I used to try to set up playdates for him, but I ran through every boy in the neighborhood.

I like juice.

You do?

Well, Brick likes juice, too, don't you, Brick?

Look at that! Two juice-loving boys!

Your move.

Brick's catching up. Going up the ladder...

Good fun, huh, boys?

I like juice, too.

I hope you like mint chocolate chip...

Brick, what are you doing?

You have a friend over.

I just want a little privacy. That kid is weird.

Weird.

Look, if you want, I can help Brick make friends.

But you know what I'm gonna say.

Don't say it.

Sports!

There, I said it.

Hey, Brick, get in here.

This is Brick we're talking about.

He's gonna suck!

Of course he's gonna suck, but it's still the best way for a boy to make friends.

Hey, we're signing you up for a team.

What sport you like?

I like basketball.

See? He likes basketball.

That oughta be good for some friends.

Or get him b*at up.

By his friends.

Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to Brick's first game because it was the same day as Booster Club.

I knew how important it was to Axl for me to be there, and that made it important to me.

I had to suck up every scrap of affection from him I could get.


Oh, yay, you're here!

Barely. My boss thinks I'm on a doughnut run.

Remind me to steal some doughnuts from the teachers' lounge.

Oh, you can't, though.

The boys want to thank us for raising the money for their new jerseys.

It's a whole thing.

It's a thing?

Oh, that's why Axl wanted me to come.

Um, isn't this Axl Heck's locker?

That one.

Come on, guys! Come on!

Okay, now get out there, play some ball and make some friends! Hustle!

Dad, why are you yelling?

Because that's the way we talk in sports.

Go get 'em!

Okay, Dad!

Alright, alright!

Boys, come on.

Go, go, go!

All right! Good start!

Spalding. It says "Spalding," Brick.

Don't read the ball!

We're okay, Dad!

What? What are you doing?

Can you take me to a book signing this weekend?

My favorite writer is going to be there.

What? Yeah, sure, whatever. Just get back out there.

Hands out, hands out!

Get your hands out of your pockets.

Ketchup packets?

They're my security condiments. They soothe me.

You're playing a basketball game.

You're not supposed to be soothed.

Give me those things.

Come on! Get back in the game.

And make a friend, would ya?

The guys just wanted to do something nice for you, moms.

Especially since you raised the money to get us these k*ller new jerseys, right?

Yeah!

And, uh, I-I know it's not much, but...

Mom, I want you to have my old jersey.

Yeah, Mom, you rock!

Hey.

I'd like to give my jersey to a special lady who might not know just how special she is.

There it was. I complain it's hard to get out of work for the boosting and all, but it's these little moments that make it all worthwhile.
Sophie, I think you're really hot.

Keep smiling. You can cry in the car.

Okay, so Axl didn't give me his jersey.

It was no big deal.

It was a huge deal.

Where's the $500 test to tell me how I ended up with a clueless bonehead who doesn't even know how to thank his mother?


So... how'd it go?

Good. It was a little loud, but I got some reading done.

I don't get it, Brick.

You said you liked basketball.

I do like basketball.

I like all words with three syllables--

Pineapple, hypnotize, lacerate...

This is fun.

I'm gonna go put on my pajamas and make a list.

Hey! Pa-ja-mas.

That's it. I'm out.

What--what--what do you mean, you're out?

It was a disaster.

It's not that he was even bad.

He was just... weird.

Damn it.

I was hoping it was gonna be like the U2 video where the odd kid who sat on the bench the whole time makes the basket and saves the game and everybody loves him.

Yeah, it wasn't like that.

So what do we do now?

I told you, I'm out.

I'm gonna work on something I can understand--the lawnmower.

You don't get to be out.

I'm out.

You don't get to be out!

He was out-- Out hiding in the garage, while I spent the week avoiding my other son who had lacerated my heart... until...

Sue, what happened to your face?

She was born that way.

Axl.

I didn't make ball girl.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

I got hit in the face with a racket.

Stupid.

Axl.

No, not her. Me.

Stupid for giving my jersey to Sophie.

Oh, really? What do you mean?

She doesn't like me.

Oh, that's terrible.

Oh, that's awesome! Here was my opening.

I was gonna get that jersey, and I was gonna get Axl to give it to me.


So what happened?

I got hit when I ran out onto the court to get the ball, but the point was still going on.

Oh, honey.

No, to the jersey, I mean. Did ya, you know, get it back?

No.

After the guy hit me with his racket, he smashed into me and knocked me into the net.

Oh, honey, that's horrible.

Don't you think you should ask her to give it back?

You know, for closure?

Nah, not worth it.

And after he knocked me into the net, my braces got stuck in the strings.

The nurses had to cut me out with nail scissors.

Oh, sweetheart!

Gosh, it sounds like it just wasn't meant to be.

I don't know.

I think you might want to get it back.

It's your jersey, and it's very valuable.

There could be someone out there who wants it very badly.

Wait.

You think I could sell it?

I'm out.

Turns out, Mike didn't understand the lawnmower any more than he understood Brick.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for the manual so I can put this damn thing back together again.

Can I help?

Uh, no, not really, buddy.

Why don't you just go back to bed?

Okay. But your brake pad is in the wrong place.

Mm, how you know that?

I read the manual.

It goes on the jackshaft pulley.

Pull the brake pad away from the jackshaft pulley to install the drive belt.

See diagram "B" on page 32.

It had a smooshed bug on it.

How do you do that?

I remember everything I read.

Do you need to fix the margarita maker?

I read the manual for that, too.

No. No, let's just work on this.

The block party was finally here, and my worries were melting away.

I don't know if it was 'cause Mike and Brick fixed the lawnmower together, or Mike and Brick fixed the margarita maker.

Who am I kidding? I knew.


I wouldn't say I was gonna get the whole thing back together, and then Brick here came in and just...

Brick, tell 'em the first line on page 26.

"To adjust shift levers, stop engine and disconnect the adjuster nut from the shifter yoke."

Shifter yoke.

How about that, huh?

What's the last line on page 50?

"Attach the cotter pin and brake spring to the locknut before installing it in the brake lever assembly."

I couldn't believe it.

Brick was actually having a conversation with the Harrison boy and-- dare I say it-- making a friend.


What's on page--

Okay, I'm done talking to you now.

Baby steps.

Look at 'em over there--

All shrouded in their sons' love.


Here's the thing, Sophie.

We both know you don't care about that jersey, so why don't you give it to me?

And there's no hard feelings.

I can't do that.

Look, you don't intimidate me.

I was a cheerleader once.

I had spirit, yes, I did.

And now I'm just a cranky, tired mom with nothing to lose.

I already gave it back to Axl.

He said he wanted to give it to someone else.

Well, then. Never mind.

It was so nice to have met you.

You're gonna mow my yard.

You're gonna mow my yard.

You're gonna mow my yard.

You're gonna mow my yard.

In Orson, Indiana, that's some serious trash-talking.

Gentlemen, start your mowers!

Hear you got your jersey back.

Uh-huh.

I also heard you want to give it to somebody else.

Uh, yeah.

Well?

I already gave it to her.

What? Her?

You gave it to another girl?

Yeah, whatever.

Are you kidding me?!

What is the matter with you?

I keep telling myself that you're still that same kid who gave me that clay giraffe, but I don't think that boy's in there anymore.

I mean, how can you be so insensitive?

Do you have any idea how much I do for you?

And when you get the chance to give me a little shout-out, what do you do?

You embarrass me instead, and that... oh, that, Mister, is what I think is lame.

Did I miss much of the race?

What are you doing with that?

Axl gave it to me.

What?

Yeah, he said he felt bad about me not making ball girl.

This is why I didn't tell you!

Oh, thank God.

He was the same sweet kid who had given me the clay giraffe.

He was currently hiding in the shell of a hideous teenager, but there was a glimmer he'd be back.


Mom!

I love you, too, honey.

Can I have a wine cooler?

No.

This block party was shaping up to be the best one ever--

Even better than the one where the kids were out of town.

Looked like Mike was finally gonna b*at Jack Meenahan...

Or so we thought.


Brick, what the hell are you doing?

Dad, we gotta go-- the book signing.

What? What are you talking about?

You said you'd take me to the book signing, remember?

At basketball?

Can you take me to a book signing this weekend?

My favorite writer is going to be there.

What? Yeah, sure, whatever.

You said, "Yeah, sure, whatever."

The bookstore closes in a half hour.

Uh, Brick, I'm kind of in the middle of a race here.

That's okay.

Later, loser!

Hop on.

Really?

We're going to the bookstore!

Shouldn't we take the car?

Nah. I know a shortcut.

That's the thing about Brick--

He's always gonna go down his own path.

Instead of fighting it, Mike decided to meet Brick on his terms and just veered right off the path there with him.

I guess that counselor wasn't so wrong after all.

When it comes to your kids, all you can really do is be concerned.

But not overly concerned.

Do what you can and hope for the best.


Dad, you're going through the Meenahans' yard.

It's okay. I'm gonna have to mow it anyway.

Hey, maybe I could sneak into her drawer later when she's sleeping and get that jersey.

Eh, I don't know.
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