01x09 - Siblings

Episode transcripts for the 2009 TV show "The Middle". Aired: September 2009 to May 2018.*
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"The Middle" follows the daily mishaps of a working class, middle-aged, Midwestern, married woman and her semi-dysfunctional family and their attempts to survive life in general in the city of Orson, Southwest Indiana.
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01x09 - Siblings

Post by bunniefuu »

"Siblings"

Come on, move! Move!

(honks horn)

Frankie: My worst fears were about to be realized.

There was one event I could not afford to be late for, and this was it.


Congratulations.

We just elected you chairwoman of the winter wreath sale.

(applause)

Yep, when you showed up late for Booster Club, you paid the price.

The best part is you get to keep all the wreaths at your place, so your whole house will smell amazing.

And it'll last for months, because you never find all the needles.

That's the sap.

You'll want to have a lot of turpentine around the house.

If you cut it with water, it won't make your palms so raw.

Hey, my girls. Did you finish your wreaths?

Shelly showed me how to use a glue g*n.

Shelly: (singsongy) Look what a great a job she did.

Ooh.

(gasps)

Show your brother.

Sean!

Sean!

Hey, hey, you two!

Can I have a ride?

No problem. You too, milkshake.

(girls squeal and laugh)

After all the crap that had been thrown at me that night, the sight of those three kids lovingly frolicking around the room really bugged the hell out of me.

I didn't really put my finger on why till I got home.

And then it hit me--

I've never seen my kids frolic together.

It's like they were three strangers in a bus station just waiting to get out of here.

(chicken clucking)


(sighs)

Frankie: Maybe they didn't hang out together 'cause Sue and Axl had nothing in common.

So I'm trying out for wrestlettes, which is wrestling cheerleaders, which is actually easier to get into than regular cheerleaders because it's all hot in the gym where wrestling is, and there's not really a crowd to cheer to.

Or maybe it's 'cause Brick's so much younger.

Or maybe 'cause Brick's so much... Brick.


Brick, what are you doing?

It usually copies me, but sometimes if I look very carefully... it doesn't.

Mom!

And when the three of them are forced to do anything together, that's when the fun really starts.

Feels like we've been driving forever.

Feels like we've been driving forever.

Cut it out, Axl.

Cut it out, Axl.

That's not funny.

That's not funny.

You know, I hate it when you do that!

You know, I hate it when you do that!

Why are you so mean?

Why are you so mean?

Why are you so mean?

I'm just ignoring you.

I'm just ignoring you.

I'm just ignoring you.

Wait, what are you doing?

Wait, what are you doing?

Brick, knock it off. That's lame.

Brick, knock it off. That's lame.

It doesn't work that way. Quit it!

It doesn't work that way. Quit it!

Ugh!

Ugh!

(sighs)

What is wrong with you people?

Why are you watching the same show on three different TVs?

We can't agree on the volume.

The next morning, Mike met Aunt Edie down at the quarry.

It's really brutal this year, Edie.

Most of the guys will get almost no bonus at all.

Ever since she retired as a bookkeeper 14 years ago, Aunt Edie came to Mike's office every December to help close out the books.

I'm hoping we can massage the numbers to avoid triggering layoffs, but it's gonna be tight.

What are you doing with that?

I gotta plug in Ginny.

(electricity buzzes and crackles)

You brought Ginny to the quarry?

Well, the wheelchair won't fit into the trailer, and I'm afraid to leave her home alone because I think Ginny is starting to lose it.

Oh, no kidding. Sorry to hear that.

And then there's something else.

I think Ginny is starting to lose it.

(doorbell rings)

Yeah, come in.

Hey, madame chairwoman!

Hey, Nancy. What's up?

I just came by because people were complaining they hadn't gotten their wreaths yet.

I only brought 'em home last night!

You're doing awesome.

(sighs)

I just set the bar really high.

(car horn honks)

Oh, those girls. (chuckles)

I'm taking Dotty to the mall to get her ears pierced.

She wants to be just like her sister.

Wow.

They're really close, aren't they?

Why do you suppose that is?

Early on, Joe and I decided our kids getting along was a priority, but it takes a lot of work.

Damn. I was hoping it was something you just crushed into their cereal.

From the beginning, when the kids would get into an argument, I would get in there and give them the proper tools to resolve things.

Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

I mean, I do that.

Sue: Give it to me! Stop it!

Axl: Aw. Unh-unh.

Hey, knock it off!

We're trying to watch TV.

(arguing continues indistinctly)

And Mike supports you?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Hey, you heard your mom. Knock it off!

(object shatters)

The important thing is we made sure that they spent time together--

Family dinners, game nights, car trips, the obvious things.

Oh, yeah. Um, those things are obvious.

Dinners, game night, trips. Dinners, game night...

Damn it! What was the last one?


Hi. How's it going?

I had lunch with Stan today.

Corporate want another $10,000 out of the budget. (sighs)

Oh, and I think your Aunt Edie is losing her mind.

What?

Throughout the day, she called me "Mickey," "Milton," "Myrtle."

Seriously, I think she's going, you know, senile.

No, she's not.

All the women in our family get a little loopy toward the end.

Uh, what are you doing? We having company or something?

No. I don't know. I just thought we'd eat in here.

Did the kids break the big TV?

Hey, kids, get in here!

No, no. Nobody broke the TV. No, I just thought, you know, we don't have to eat with the TV every night.

We could just sit and talk to each other.

Whoa. Why are there plates on the table?

Because that's where we're eating dinner.

What? I don't want to watch the little TV.

Did someone break the big TV?

The TVs are fine.

We're just not watching them until after supper.

Tonight, we're having a family dinner in here for a change.

(whispers) Dad?

You heard your mother. Everybody... sit down.

What is the big deal?

We've eaten at the table before.

I don't have a chair.

Huh. I guess we hadn't really eaten at the table since we had Brick.

Not a problem. We have more chairs outside.

Dad, why are we doing this?

Uh, maybe your mom and I need to, uh, talk to you.

I don't know.

Are you getting a divorce?

Let's see how this goes.

(lawn chair snaps open)

This'll be fun.

You know, this is actually how a lot of people eat dinner every night.

They sit and they face each other and they ask each other questions about how their day went. Let's do that.

So what was your high and what was your low of the day?

My low is right now.

Fine. I'll do it.

My high is having dinner here with my family.

My low is the comment that Axl just made.

Sue.

My high was that the guy who sits next to me in science saw me in the hallway today and seemed to sort of recognize me.

Mm.

My low was that I was wrong.

He didn't.

(faux sneezes) Loser!

What did I say about sneezing words at your sister?

My low is realizing that my family never bought a chair for me.

My high is I can eat food right off the table.

Oh, wait. I want to change my low.

Okay. All right, all right.

Let's just forget highs and lows, and we'll do something different. Mm...

Everybody, look at the person on your left and say something nice.

You mean well.

Thank you.

Axl? You do Sue.

(groaning)

Your head is basically the right size for your body.

(squeals) Really? You're not just saying that?

No, it's everything, like, below the head that's got the problem.

Shut up!

You know what shuts people up? TV.

Listen, you kids are not even trying!

You're brother and sister, and this is the only relationship that is going to last your whole life.

You know, someday, your dad and I are not gonna be around anymore, and you're only gonna have each other.

Are you dying?

Oh, my--that's why we're eating at the table. She's dying!

No! I'm not dying.

Oh, my God! Dad's dying!

Nobody is dying!

Why can't we all just die now and get it over with?!

Mike!

Axl.

What did I say?

(all shouting at once)

All right, that's it!

That's it.

You three are gonna start loving each other right now because that's what your mother wants!

Right? Is that what you want?

So despite my best efforts, family dinner had wheezed and choked itself to a final, undignified death.

Can we go watch TV now?

Yeah, throw out your plates.

Nice to have a change.

So what's up with you?

You going loopy a little ahead of schedule?

No, I just thought if we ate dinner together, it might help the kids to become friends.

You know, I was talking to Nancy Donahue today--

Oh, man, here we go. (sighs) Every time you talk to that woman, there's always something.

You run into her, and the next thing I know, I can't eat white bread anymore.

Her kids are nuts about each other.

You see how they are together. They're helpful, caring and...

I've seen it. It's unnatural--all that, "Can I help you? You're so pretty."

One of these days, I swear to God, there's gonna be a bloodbath in that house.

I don't know. I wonder if we've been lazy.

How the hell have we been lazy?

In the last 15 years, I think we've sat down twice.

Face it, we have cut corners as parents.

We're tired. We've been busy.

We've slacked off on a lot of the family stuff, and that's why our kids aren't close.

All right. You're this worried about it?

I can help you, but you know what I'm gonna say.
Oh, God.

Sports!

(sighs) Okay.

Okay, everybody. This family is heading outside to play touch football.

Wh--football? Why?

I don't want to play with her.

But this is my favorite commercial.

(click)

What did Mom do to you?

What your mother did to me is none of your business.

The point is, brothers and sisters are supposed to appreciate each other.

Your Aunt Edie wheels Aunt Ginny into the quarry every day, and she doesn't even know where she is.

That's the kind of love and support that I want to start seeing around here. Let's move now.

(slaps football)

Yo, here's the pitch. Here's the pitch.

Here's the--no pitch. Okay. It's a break. Never mind.

Here you go. Here you go. Here you go.

Here you go. Throw it!

Okay, a little indecisive there.

Mike: Hike!

(exhales deeply)

At first it was a little shaky. But then...

I have an idea.

Kids versus adults.

All right, so Dad's peripheral vision is starting to go, and Mom can't run too fast, or she'll pee.

So go deep and to the left. Ready?

All: Break!

After a few plays, something weird happened.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I did it!

Those kids were throwing and chasing and laughing like a bunch of Donahues.

All right, Sue, do 10 yards and out.

Brick, 5-yard buttonhook.

I'm gonna roll out right and find you in the end zone.

I've got a better idea.

Whoa, whoa!

Car!

Car, car, car?

Oh, no, no, no, no!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

Hey, whoa!

Oh, wait a minute!

Oh, no!

Look at you, you, you.

All right.

Come on, come on!

They slick-dogged us.

Come on!

Again!

Yeah, no, no, no.

(Sue laughs)

Oh, boy. All right.

Later, the kids came inside and had dessert together.

Then jumped up...

And to my utter amazement, Axl didn't pretend to commit su1c1de once.

There were no two ways about it. Mike was on to something.

Suffice it to say, the kids weren't the only ones who got along especially well that night... which is good, 'cause the next day?

Not so relaxing for Mike.


Hey, guys.

Mike?

We just got our bonus checks, and we need to talk to you.

Jim has prepared a statement from all of us.

Oh, man. Look, I know it's not what you expected, but you've to understand what we're going through.

"In these difficult times, "it is rare to have a boss who is not only generous but also is who a boss..."

No, that can't be right.

I told you to proofread it.

Hold on. I was generous? How generous was I?

Oh, my God!

Mike, we want you to know you didn't just give us money this year.

You gave hope back to our families.

So what are you gonna do?

I don't know. I guess I gotta find a way to take back hope from a bunch of guys who use dynamite for a living.

Axl: Hey!

You guys ready for football?

What's that now?

Come on. Kids versus the elderly. Let's go!

Oh. Guys, we have both had really hard days.

Why don't you play without us?

But it won't be any fun without you.

Yep, the kids had such a good time they wanted to do it the next night... and the next night... and the next night.

Turns out there is a way to bond your kids and have tons of family fun together.

The only trouble is, it requires spending a whole lot of time with them.


All right, let's let them win quick and get back in here while the couch is still warm.

(makes clicking sound)

Mike knew he was gonna have to bite the b*llet and fire Aunt Edie.

Or was he?


I was just about ready to start another round of checks.

Listen, Aunt Edie...

There's something we gotta talk about.

It's not easy. You've been doing this annual closeout with me for a long time.

I think the work keeps me alive.

That's nice.

But you've earned the right to retire.

Thanks, doll! Should we get started on those new checks?

No, no checks! Um, I'm trying to tell you that we won't be needing you here anymore.

Oh, I see.

So you want to do the checks this afternoon then?

No.

No, I don't need you to write the checks ever.

So from now on, I'll just be balancing the books?

No. No, no more balancing. No more checks.

Well, if I'm not writing checks and not balancing the books, I won't be working for you at all.

That's right! Exactly.

It's time for you to take Ginny and go home.

Oh, I don't think you mean that.

Why don't I?

Because if I go home now, the work will pile up, and we'll get behind.

Edie, you're a great old gal.

I think you're cute, too.

Thanks. But the job here is over.

No more job.

Job done.

I'm letting you go.

Do you get it?

Oh, I get it. I know what it means to be let go.

You do?

Now if we continue on this, we are just never gonna get these checks done.

(sighs)

Aunt Edie, you're fired.

Fired?

Yes.

Oh! This is very disappointing.

What is? Tell me--tell me what you think is disappointing.

That I'm fired!

Oh!

Thank God.

Well, should we get started now?

You know, I think I've actually got those checks pretty much under control.

But what I really do need your help with...

Management is all over me about getting this puzzle put together.

Oh, my.

This is a big one.

Oh.

Look at this. I found a corner.

Good girl.

They're waiting for us.

(grunts) Ow. Damn.

What?

(groans) My knee went out for a second.

I'm gonna have to sit this one out.

Ohh. Well, Mom, you're still coming, right?

Yeah. I'll be right there.

Whew!

Mike.

Think I might have pulled a ligament.

Better walk this off.

(scoffs)

I can't believe you're bailing on me.

Football was your idea.

Yep, and the knee was my idea, too.

I'm on a roll.

Mike, they're not gonna play if we don't go out there.

Frankie, we can't do this every day.

It's not our job to entertain them.

Either they're gonna get along or they won't.

It's not up to us.

You know what that sounds like to me?

The excuse of a lazy, lazy parent.

Well, you know what?

I'm not gonna be lazy.

Mom, you're not even running.

Well, you've gotta throw the ball closer.

I wasn't sure which was making me madder-- that Mike was bailing on the family by faking an injury or that he thought of it first.

Mom, you've gotta run.

Did I? Did I have to run?

I was sick of touch football.

How the hell did the Kennedys do it for so many years?


You know what? Boy, I really should be making some calls about those wreaths, but you kids keep playing.

Forget it. We're just gonna go watch TV.

Ooh, I call the big TV!

You always get the big TV!

No, no, stop!

You can't go inside just 'cause I'm going inside.

Why not?

Because you gotta stay out here and bond, damn it.

What? No way!

I'm not gonna play with just my stupid sister and dork brother.

Hey, I'm not a dork!

(whispers) Dork.

I was dragging my sorry butt out here every night 'cause I thought it would help you kids love each other, but no, we're right back to where we started!

Well, you know what I say?

Love each other, don't love each other.

I'm done!

Ooh!

Aah! Ohh!

Mom, are you okay?

(nasal voice) No, it hurts like hell!

(laughing)

So looks like my plan to bring the kids closer hadn't worked the way I wanted.

Come on, guys. Stop laughing.

That was awesome, Mom.

(laughing)

Okay, I'm sorry, Mom, but that was hilarious.

And when you fell down, you rolled through dog poo.

(laughing)

But I had given them a story they were gonna share and enjoy long after I was gone.

So then she spiked the ball, and it bounced back right off her face.

(laughs) Off her face?

Yeah, and Axl does this great impression.

Do it, Axl. It's really, really funny.

Okay, okay. Well, okay. So I'm Mom.

So she's out there and she's got the ball, "Ohh! Mom..."

Isn't that what bonds kids after all-- the eye rolling, the laughing together over the stupid things we do?

I think so.

Or maybe that's just the excuse of a lazy, lazy parent.

Either way, I'm doing the best I can.


And I know you're rolling your eyes, and yes, I'm a horrible mother, but we have 30 wreaths to deliver by dinner, so let's move it.

Oh, wow!

Look how helpful your kids are.

I've been watching you guys play touch football.

Wish my kids got along like that.

How do you do it, Frankie?

I could have told her the truth and spared her the pain I've gone through...

It's a lot of work, but Mike and I have just always made family a priority.

Oh, thanks.

(lowers voice) Just keep walkin'.

Nobody fight till we get to the next house.
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