01x06 - I Kissed A Girl

[bunniefuu]

[POP MUSIC PLAYING & PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[PANTING]

[CAR BEEPS]

[GRUNTS]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]

Instructor: And heels down.

[WHISPERS] This hurts.

[WHISPERS] Pain is only in the mind.

Brock: Right leg up and flip your dog.

Feels like my leg.

Brock: Back to Downward Dog.

My mind has a cramp.

You know the guy that keeps smiling at you? Jorge?

He just broke up with his girlfriend.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Really?

Double date tomorrow night?

No.

Class: Shh!

[WHISPERS] Sorry. What does he do?

Medicine.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Class: Shh!

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, all right.

Maura: Jane.

Rizzoli.

Okay.

Mindful awareness is what can subdue the primitive consciousness... and bring the physical body under control of the will.

I totally agree.

I have to go.

Yeah, you can't leave before Savasana.

Corpse pose.

Maura, let's go.

Thank you.

Namaste.

Namaste.

Come on.

[SIREN WAILS]

Jane: Hey.

Frost: Hey.

You got her to do yoga?

No, it was my idea. I love yoga.

We had to leave before Ardha Chandrasana. I feel very unbalanced.

Jane: She was dragged here.

All photographed and inventoried.

"Gaynor-Randle, 32."

ATM, 100. Scratch robbery.

You find what was used to b*at her?

Not yet.

Vintage. She had a flair for clothes.

She was sexually assaulted.

Reddish-brown stains on the inner thighs and external genitalia.

I hear an echo.

And she was married.

Pager's totaled.

It's not a pager. It's a glucose-management system.

Insulin pump. She was diabetic.

Yeah, needle sticks.

She probably had to check her glucose level about five to 10 times a day.

Maybe there's...

Yeah, she kept careful records.

Her last glucose-level reading was over 400.

Is that good or bad?

It's extremely high.

Is that good or bad?

Bad. She wasn't getting any insulin.

She probably had slurred speech, trouble walking.

Explains no defensive wounds. She couldn't fight back.

m*rder w*apon has a rectangular edge on it.

I can't confirm that.

Hey, Frost, we're looking for a 2-by-4...

We're looking for an idiot.

That your way of saying you wanna talk to the husband?

What's it say about relationships, that the husband's our first suspect?

Are you getting ready for an I-hate-men speech?

I like men, just not the ones that k*ll.

Jane... it may not be the husband.

Because she didn't have a husband.

We're sorry for your loss, Mrs. Randle.

I prefer Mel. And it's "Gaynor-Randle."

We took each other's names.

The Commonwealth recognizes our marriage.

I have a right to know who did this.

Of course you do. We wanna know too.

When was the last time you spoke to her?

Um...

Five o'clock, maybe?

Did she always work late?

Always, on my night out.

I'm the captain of the LGBT bowling league.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender.

What time did you get home?

About 10:00.

I called Katie's office, her cell.

By midnight, I was calling the ER and you guys, over and over again.

You can check with my alarm company, my cell records... the bowling alley.

We will have to verify your whereabouts.

Understood.

The spouse is always the first suspect.

I'm sorry.

Jane: It's okay.

Not like she has to worry about the scar.

Don't rush me.

Well, multitask then. Time of death?

The core temperature I took hepatically was 88.4 degrees.

k*lled between 2 and 3 a.m.

Jorge say anything about me?

Yoga Jorge?

No, Jaunty Lube Jorge.

Oil change? I don't go there. Total rip-off.

Come on, what'd he say about me?

He said, "Sure."

When Brock asked about a double date.

I'm not going.

Oh, Jane.

DNA substance from the sexual as*ault?

No semen, but I did collect some deerskin fibers.

So we're looking for Bambi?

No. Deerskin from apparel.

Moccasins? A tepee?

Tepees are generally constructed from buffalo hides.

Wow. Ugh, you are so literal.

But deerskin actually has great tactility.

Small pores make it soft, tough.

Work gloves.

So no prints.

Oh!

What?

Jorge thinks you're hot.

Forget it.

Come on, Jane. Listen to me. Every time he looks at you... he contracts his orbicularis oculi and pars orbitalis.

Gross.

It's facial muscles. Please.

Only if you tell me what k*lled her.

There should be more blood associated with her facial lacerations.

I'm gonna have so much fun on my couch alone.

And it looks like the as*ault and the r*pe happened postmortem.

What, she was r*ped and beaten after she was k*lled?

So, what k*lled her?

I don't know yet.

I don't know when I'm gonna have time for dinner.

An adrenaline response to panic overstressed her heart... which was already compromised by diabetes.

So why r*pe and b*at her once she was dead?

Look at this.

"Merch."

Mm-hm.

Means "girl" in Welsh.

Since when do lawyers have club stamps?

She came in Monday nights like clockwork. She was here last night.

Did you see her leave?

It was packed.

Did you see her with her wife?

No, but she talked about her. It seemed like a good relationship.

As far as marriages go.

Yeah. We have that in common.

Rob was here last night. He worked the door.

Last name?

Thatcher. It's not him though.

I checked him out before I hired him. He's clean enough to squeak.

Detective Rizzoli, this is Detective Frost. Know her?

This the dead chick?

Yeah.

Heard about it on the radio.

She slid up in here right before happy hour ended.

Drinks go up after 7.

Did you see her with anybody?

We have a lot of good-looking ladies.

See her leave?

No. Sorry.

God, I hate this. If she'd just gone someplace else, she'd still be alive.

Why? This is a lesbian bar.

Yeah.

I didn't take these psychos seriously.

It's Massachusetts. Same-sex marriage is legal here.

Can we take this?

Yeah, it's yours.

Thanks a lot.

If you think of anything...

All right.

Jane: Escalating threats.

Frost: Desecration of Katie's body.

Jane: Mm-hm.

Looks to me like we got ourselves a hate crime.

[WHISTLES]

"Sons and daughters of Adam." That's your catch phrase, isn't it?

I'm offended to see sacred words associated with p*rn.

How about associated with m*rder?

I think it's interesting that they sent a female and an African American... to interview me about a h*m* m*rder.

You don't like women or African Americans either?

Well, I have a right to my opinion.

Only if you don't enforce it with a 2-by-4.

We need to see a list of your members.

Oh, surely. I came prepared.

Those are all members?

We're national.

Satan is using h*m* to destroy the kingdom of God.

Be on the lookout for a man in a red cape with a tail and pointy ears.

I will pray for you.

No, thank you. I'll do it myself.

And so this drunk with a Kn*fe is outrunning my old partner, Korsak.

He finally catches up to him, he grabs him by the shorts...

True story... and they rip right off.

Please tell me he's wearing underwear.

No. No, he's not.

Hell.

So that was my first week on the job.

I got to tackle a naked guy.

Nice.

Yeah.

I think that sounds like fun.

Oh.

[CHUCKLING]

Anyone for some dessert and some coffee?

Actually, it's getting kind of late.

You know, I think I need to use the ladies' room.

Jane, will you join me?

No, I don't need to go.

Mm. I think you do.

I need to go to the ladies' room. Excuse me.

Please.

Jane: Okay.

What...? Oh!

Shh!

I thought you needed to go to the restroom.

No, that was a ruse. Well, do you like him?

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

He's sexy.

I think you should take him home.

Maura.

What? You said he was sexy.

I like the way he looks in yoga class.

Doesn't mean I'm gonna like the way he looks in my bed.

Right. But did you know that sex releases immunoglobulin A?

It wards off colds.

No, not tonight.

And I didn't shave my legs.

Ah.

Nice try.

What kind of person are you?

You're like a racecar.

Finely tuned... beautiful... fast.

I'm not that fast.

[DOG BARKS]

Hey. Wow, look at you.

I should take her for a walk.

Okay. Let's take her for a walk.

[IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE]

Hey, little boo-boo. Come on. Okay.

Maura said that you're in medicine. Are you a doctor?

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

No.

EMT?

Nurse.

A male nurse. That is so cool.

You should get the biodegradable ones.

Right.

So, what happened between you and your girlfriend?

Oh, we couldn't agree about kids.

Oh, she wanted them, you didn't?

No. I just love the idea of being a stay-at-home daddy.

But she wanted to stay home too.

Someone's gotta work, right?

Yeah. Wow, I'm surprised.

Why? Because I'm Hispanic? It's a new world.

See, I am looking for a really strong woman.

Someone that knows how to hold Warrior II.

Like you.

[IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE]

Come on. Let's go. Come on.

Coming?

Yeah.

Come on.

Okay.

Let's go for a walk. It's gonna be so much fun.

Really?

That bad?

I thought you said you couldn't lie.

What do you mean? I can't.

You did.

Only one time when I said I'd finished my homework and I hadn't... and I immediately went vasovagal. Fainted.

Jorge's in medicine?

Technically, yes, he is.

What's his specialty? Lactation?

Orthopedics.

Joe Grant was a detective, he was sexy... and he was a perfect match for you.

I liked him.

You butted heads with him until he moved to Washington.

So you hooked me up with Nurse Jorge.

Well, I...

I just... Yes. Ha, ha.

Jane: It's not funny.

Hey, anything come up on those background checks?

Waiting on that bouncer from the club. No red flags on anybody here.

[SINGS]

Somebody's got a boyfriend

[SINGS] Someone should mind his own business

Wait... No.

Your eyes are like pools of midnight.

No... Come on.

Frost: What? What?

Your lips are like Tempur-Pedic pillows.

Really? Just give... Just...

"Dinner. Saturday. I'm already in the kitchen. Jorge."

Sounds kind of sissy to me.

Hey, guy cooks.

Yeah, no.

It's a match.

Excuse me?

The bouncer.

Robert Thatcher, that's an alias. Real name is Roy Tompkins.

Jane: So that's why he lied. Look at that. Outstanding warrant, New York City... for criminal sexual as*ault. Come on.

Hey, Roy, we need to talk to you.

Ohh. I wouldn't do that, Roy.

[GRUNTING]

Whoa! You been holding out on me, Bruce Lee.

We can do this all day, Roy. What happened to Katie?

Look, I can't tell you what I don't know.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

What is so important?

Jorge dropped off lunch for you.

That's not why I interrupted you.

I extracted the k*ller's DNA from the m*rder w*apon.

Who is he?

Well, there was no match in CODIS...

...but it's not a he. It's a she.

The k*ller is a woman?

The deerskin fibers I lifted from the m*rder w*apon...

Were off the k*ller's glove.

Seams were breached... and DNA tests confirmed that the sweat was from a female.

We already know that, and a male accomplice r*ped her.

No. Injuries are consistent with a nonbiological phallus-shaped object.

[UNDER BREATH]

You mean a dildo?

Yes, I believe that is the popular term for it.

But did you know a 28,000-year-old stone phallus... was recently found in a German cave?

The Ice Age men were using it for knapping flints.

Yeah, Ice Age women were using it for making sparks too.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Okay. So if she wasn't r*ped, it was probably not a hate crime.

It wasn't a robbery.

I'm beginning to think this was personal.

Maura: I wonder if Jorge read the CHUMP study.

CHUMP study. He probably wrote it.

Chocolate Happiness Undergoing More Pleasantness study.

It actually concluded chocolate makes us happier.

Chocolate from Jorge makes me sadder.

Mmm. Flowers. Flowers have been shown to reduce depression.

Come on, Jane, Jorge's a catch.

If you don't want them... can I have them?

Jorge? Yeah, he's all yours.

Maybe if I get fat, he'll stop calling.

I just think if you allow him to see all sides of you, he'll stop calling.

You know what? I just heard what that sounded like, and that is...

What I meant to say... was that human beings have good and bad traits, you know... and, you have, you know... some characteristics that are a little...

Not as...

Wow, fudge clusters.

Ahem. Katie was deleting her search history on her computer.

Why? What was she hiding?

Have we checked the wife's alibi?

It's solid.

Tracked all her calls to ER, 911.

Alarm company confirms she activated her home alarm at 10:03 p.m.

Didn't break the circuit again till 6:17 a.m.

She didn't do it.

How do you know?

Got Mel's scorecard.

She's a hell of a bowler. She had a turkey.

Why would she do that?

That's three strikes in a row, Maura.

Wish I could get her for our team, but you gotta be divorced.

Can you try to restore all that history?

Let's give it a sh*t.

Jane: Ahem.

Really yummy.

Frost: Sorted by popularity.

Spent a lot of time on cupid4girls. com.

"Lipstickdate. com."

Frost: Online hookup services.

Huh. So Katie was cheating on her wife.

Somebody posted a message the day she was k*lled.

"Liked our time at the Merch. Wanna play again?"

Our vic was having more than a drink.

Can you trace the IP addresses?

Frost: Smart.

What?

They set up the website to hide IP addresses.

Protects their customers.

Hides cheaters.

Why work so hard to get the right to marry...?

To do the same thing that straight couples do?

Hey, Korsak.

They kind of resemble each other.

Jane and the victim.

You're right. It'd be a shame to waste an opportunity like that.

No. No way.

We could try and bait a trap.

Post the same kind of message, attract the same kind of woman.

Arrange dates, get DNA, see if we get a match.

How? We stick a fork in them?

Buy her a drink and take the glass.

Club owner seemed like she'd cooperate. Jane could possibly wear a wire.

No. No, I'm not gonna go undercover to troll for lesbian dates... on the random chance that we catch a k*ller, no.

I think she loves the idea.

Me too.

Maura: Why do they do this? These categories are such stereotypes.

"Femme, boy-next-door, sporty," or "fine"?

Jane's definitely fine.

I'm just saying for the purposes of the ad... you know, to draw the best response.

Yeah, right.

Okay, I just have to check a box.

So " femme, butch, lipstick, ChapStick, sporty."

I've seen her break a chair over the head of a meth-crazed gangbanger.

So "butch"?

Yeah.

I mean, she took him out.

No. No, no, no. She is my friend. I'm not putting "butch."

She's... I'm putting "sporty."

Just check what the victim checked, huh?

Oh. Let's see. "Lipstick lesbian."

I love undercover.

[BARKS]

Nice and supportive doesn't mean weak.

Please. Jorge is more submissive than my dog.

Aww. Yes, he is. Aww.

Maybe I should be a lesbian.

Well, wishes can come true.

Frost and Korsak wanted to fill out your dating profile. I typed.

You what?

If it wasn't for me, you'd be butch.

You... You put my photo and profile on a gay-dating website?

It's your best sh*t at getting DNA and breaking this case.

No, it's our best sh*t. You're going with me.

No.

Yes, Dr. Isles.

I don't have time to train a female detective... how to collect and preserve DNA. You're going.

There. Look. All these women think you're hot.

Wow.

Mm-hm.

Jane: One of these women could be Katie's k*ller.

Maura: Not this one. Listen.

She likes to hike, has season tickets to the Celtics.

"Front row." Oh, I might flip for that.

Maura: I don't understand online dating.

People reveal too much about themselves.

"I wanna connect with someone who can make me more of who I am."

"Who can be strong without needing me to be weak."

I wonder what kind of women we would like if we liked women.

What? Well, first of all, I would be the guy.

That's a cliché. Why would you be the guy?

Because.

Because you're bossy?

So are you.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. You're just polite when bossing people around.

It's a good thing you're not my type.

What do you mean I'm not your type? That is so rude.

Well, you don't know how to relax.

And you wear your shoes and your clothes to bed... and you just admitted that you're bossy.

Okay, yeah. I'm bossy. Right.

You put my picture and profile on a gay-dating website... and I'm bossy. Right, okay.

After I said no, by the way.

What are you doing?

Meditating.

It's too stressful to argue with you.

Well, just think, because of you... by this time tomorrow, I could be on a date with a k*ller.

Yay.

[BARKING]

It's okay, buddy. It's just me.

What are you doing here?

Guess I fell asleep while I was meditating.

Well, at least you don't snore.

Oh, well, you kick.

No, no, no. That's not me. That was Jo.

She runs in her sleep.

Myoclonic contractions. Dogs have dog dreams.

Well, maybe we should take a look and see... if anybody else signed up to hook into you.

That's not how you say it. It's "hook up with you."

Whatever.

Whatever? I'm the one hooking up.

Well, pretending to.

That's easy for you to say.

I can't believe I'm actually hoping that the k*ller wants to meet me.

Damn it. Jorge.

"Jorge, Jorge, Jorge."

Jorge.

Oh, in case I missed his first e-mail.

And his 10th... Jorge. He's so nice, God.

Maybe that's what you need. You need somebody loving and supportive.

Like a hamster.

Jane.

What? Well, I mean... You... What you think of as a great guy... is an average woman.

If I wanted someone to walk the dog and talk about my feelings, I'd be gay.

You're not gonna say that, are you?

I will if you don't.

You got me into this, so get me out of it.

Please.

Maura: Uh-oh.

What?

Now I understand... why you always look like this.

Excuse me?

You have nothing to wear.

Maura: This is completely appropriate.

No, it's perfect.

Where exactly am I going to hide the camera and the wire?

I know. In my thong.

Well, maybe you could wear a brief.

No.

Maura: Mark Twain said: "The clothes make the man."

He also said, " Naked people have little to no influence."

This is very serious.

Maura, come on. It'll be fine.

We're professionals. We know what we're doing.

We've actually been undercover a few times before... so let me handle this.

Okay. It's fine. You don't want my help.

It's like trying to dress a squirmy 6-year-old anyway.

Everything is too short, too itchy. "I can't walk in that."

Maura, we all love the fact that you dress... like you're about to strut down a Paris runway. It's interesting.

It's endearing.

Sexy.

It's fashionable.

Oh, so that's what you think? You think this is all about fashion for me?

This is gonna be good. No? It's not about fashion?

No, it's not.

What is it about, then?

I used to sit at the Musée d'Orsay for hours... and just stare at it.

You know what I mean?

Yes, the Rizzoli family vacations there every summer.

Have you ever tried to appreciate Euler's number e?

The beautiful equation... that connects three constants of mathematics? Have you?

Yeah, I tried it once.

[KORSAK CHUCKLES]

I am in awe of what human beings can do.

I am in awe of the hand-knit channel stitching on this sweater.

I am in awe of the artisan who molded and shaped this shoe.

I cannot wait to see what you're gonna wear.

There's a backroom that way. Just...

Why don't we do it right here? Yeah?

Guys must eat you up.

Why? Why do you say that?

Because you're just like them.

Beautiful... dominant energy.

If you ever feel like getting adventurous...

I'll give you a call.

[CLUB MUSIC PLAYING & CHATTERING]

Wow. Dr. Isles is...

Not very doctorly.

At all.

Your table's ready, miss.

Oh, my... Put this on.

No. I'm undercover. Follow me.

Oh, my God.

I'll be right back with your drink.

Mm-hm. Thank you.

Korsak: Here she goes. First date.

I finally work up the nerve, you know, and call them.

I get the machine.

So I go, " Mom, Dad...

...I'm gay."

How'd you do it?

Uh...

Well, I...

Ladies, may I get you something to drink?

No, we're good.

Can I take that for you?

Jane: We're good, right, Miranda?

My real name's Mary Anne.

"Hi, Mom, Dad. I'm gay."

Whatever happened to "call me back"?

You leave your most personal information on an answering machine?

A friend of mine asked for a divorce by texting.

No manners anymore.

Yeah, you had it down.

So much more polite to serve divorce papers.

I always fall for girls like you.

Like what?

Smart, tough... complicated.

My hands are sore... from volleyball.

You're gonna break my heart.

Mm. Wow, they get right into it.

Korsak: All they talk about are their feelings.

They're women.

Oh, and you're an expert?

I've been married 20 years.

To three different women.

So?

That's not a very good track record, detective.

Look where you're spending your Friday night. Real ladies' man.

Rizzoli's good at this.

At what, being a lesbian?

Yeah. No. Shut up, I'm listening.

No, you're not. You're talking.

Oh, my God.

I like tall brunettes.

I'm Jane.

I know. I saw your profile. I'm Claire.

Can I get you another drink?

No, I've had enough to get brave.

The next stage is weepy.

That's okay, I don't mind.

Frost: She is creeping me out.

Rizzoli?

No, the other one.

This is gonna freak you out, but you kind of look like that girl who was k*lled.

Katie somebody.

You see her picture in the paper?

Yeah. Yeah, it's so scary, isn't it? That it could have been any of us.

Wanna hear the weirdest part?

Yeah.

I think I was her last date.

Really?

Reel her in.

Did you tell the police?

No. No, I don't know anything.

We chatted online, met up here.

We really hit it off. Then I saw her ring.

I don't hook up with married women.

"I don't hook up with married women"?

She's saying she doesn't cheat.

Is that cheating?

Are you serious?

What was she like?

I really liked her.

She shouldn't have lied about being married.

If she hadn't... she might still be alive.

Maura: Thanks.

None of the allele frequencies correspond to the DNA isolated from the 2-by-4.

The blood on the w*apon didn't match any of my dates?

Not even Claire?

No.

Hey. CSRU went through Katie's papers. Look at this.

Our vic inherited half a million dollars while she was still single.

She keeps it in the event of a divorce, but if she dies...

It all goes to the grieving widow.

Hell of a consolation prize.

Widow's got motive.

Yeah, but she's got a titanium alibi.

She can prove she was bowling.

You know, Katie was very careful about controlling her diabetes.

I counted nearly 100 needle sticks. It doesn't make sense that she... wouldn't know she needed insulin.

Maybe she did. Was the pump working?

It was so compromised, I can't tell.

What if...?

I don't like sentences that begin with "What if."

Let's assume...

Why is that better?

Katie tested herself, her numbers were high, she gave herself some insulin...

Or what she thought was insulin.

No, I tested the pump. Pure insulin.

Her tox screen came back negative. No signs of poisons in Katie's body.

Unless there was something that couldn't be detected in her bloodstream.

If somebody put something in the pump...

There should be fingerprints on it.

Jane: It's clean.

Why aren't Katie's prints on it at least?

Someone might have attached it to her body and wiped it clean.

That's good.

I'm just guessing.

All right, so Katie's regular insulin pump was switched to one full of poison.

She thinks she's giving herself insulin. She's actually k*lling herself.

Who had access to Katie?

Mel, the wife, who was at home when Katie was being beaten.

She had an accomplice.

Mm-hm.

Smart k*ller, because it's impossible to prove without evidence.

Which we don't have.

Yet.

Katie was here with women, so obviously she was cheating.

Did you know her wife, Mel?

I run a bar, not a church. You know that, right?

Come on.

Did Katie ever mention anything like she thought Mel was seeing someone?

No, she never did.

Sorry.

Hm?

I'm done, thank you.

Well...

You have my number.

Yeah, I do.

If you have any new thoughts...

You know, you said if I was ever feeling adventurous...

Yeah?

Yeah.

I need you to swab my neck for DNA.

I'm not even going to ask why.

You have 10 seconds.

There is a bus coming at you. You can either be on it or under it.

That cop is fishing. Stay strong.

Yeah, I had to stand there and watch Katie die, you know...

Hey. Shh, shh. It's okay.

It's okay.

You weren't there. She was so sick. What did you put in that pump?

Fentanyl. It can't be detected.

Mixed it with water, swapped out the pumps.

What if we screwed up?

We didn't.

Look, we get the money in 90 days.

But I...

It's okay, baby.

Hey, wait. What about the fingerprints?

You left prints?

No, that's what I'm worried about.

Katie's prints should have been on the pump, but there were no prints.

Wait, how do you know that?

Because she decided to get on the bus.

Arms behind your back.

Jane: Same old story, kills the wife for the money.

Mel: How could you do this?

This is as adventurous as I get.

Jane: Crap, Maura. Maura.

Hey.

Hey.

Look, I just wanna say... that I support your choice, Jane.

Okay. Thank you.

And thank you for the flowers and the chocolates and the lunch.

And the car battery, even though mine was fine.

Sure. You're welcome.

Glad we live in a state where women like you can get married... if that's what you want.

Okay.

You told him I was gay.

No. He assumed. It's different.

Okay, let's begin.

Feet shoulder-width apart, relax your shoulders.

He assumed?

Just close your eyes and breathe.

Brock: And breathe out.

You better hope this calms me down.

I could tell him you like him.

Don't you dare.

What? I'm just saying.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.