01x22 - We Are So Grounded

[bunniefuu]

All right. Guys, let's go!

We have to catch the limo to the private jet to meet your parents at the Villa in Bali.

Okay, that is officially the most glamorous sentence I've ever said.

Goodbye, Chubby. Don't ever forget me!

Goodbye, Pandy Warhol.

Okay, you animals, no parties while I'm gone.

Yeah, I'm looking at you, Hugh Heifer!

Uh, Emma..

We're only going to be there a week.

Do you really need that many clothes?

I sent my clothes ahead.

This is just all my electronic thingies, so I can stay in touch.

Haven't you ever heard of postcards?

You are so 20th century.

Babes of Bali, here I come!

Nice of you to warn them.

Now you can get rejected on a whole new continent.

(Mr. Kipling snorting)

Will you get in there!

Ow!

Mr. Kipling, we are not going to the vet!

We are going on vacation!

Gee, you'd think he'd be happy to get out of the concrete jungle and back to an actual jungle.

Yes, where he can embrace his savage roots.

Oh. Do not forget your neck pillow.

Goodbye, Whiskers.

Take care of Mittens for me.

Goodbye, Mittens.

(Whispering) Don't listen to whiskers.

He's a control freak.

All right, we're late!

Bertram, we have to leave for Bali!

You said we were leaving tomorrow!

I said "tomorrow" yesterday!

Which makes it today!

(Gasps)

I gotta pack my water wings!

I'm not as buoyant as I look.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Hey Jessie, hey Jessie.

It feels like a party every day.

Hey Jessie, hey Jessie.

My whole world is changing turning around.

They got me going crazy and they're shaking the ground.

But they took a chance on the new girl in town.

And I don't want to let them down, down, down.

Hey Jessie.

Hey Jessie.

It feels like a party every day.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie.

This private jet is amazing!

Holy Donald Tr*mp!

That chair has a massage button!

(Chair humming softly)

After 20 hours on a plane with this bunch, you'll be begging me to crush your head with a rock.

Crab cake?

Jessie, have you ever been to Indonesia?

Please.

My dad's idea of an exotic vacation was running through the sprinklers while a Gloria Estefan CD played.

Quiet! I'm trying to read.

You are reading?

This plane just flew into a Parallel Universe.

Don't worry, it's not a book.

It's a graphic novel based on a legend about an island full of monsters.

Ooh, do you think we'll see any monsters on our trip?

Yeah, sure.

We're gonna be taking care of him in our old age.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Please stop asking that question!

Okay.

Can I have candy? Can I have candy?

Can I have candy?

I can't take it any more! (Sobbing)

I'm going into the bathroom to cry.

Bertram, you cannot flush your feelings.

(Gasps) I see jungle!

We must be over Indonesia!

(Chime sounds)

We're starting our descent.

Emma, turn off your thingies.

The pilot said electronic devices interfere with the plane's instruments.

He also said the pate was fresh.

He lies.

(Loud rumbling)

What was that?

Ah, probably just some minor turbulence.

Emma, turn that stuff off!

Either we're falling out of the sky, or the Earth is floating up really fast!

We are going to crash!

No, we're not!

I'm sure your parents hired the best pilot in the world!

If he's not worried, why should we be?

(All screaming)

I am sending this jet company a strongly worded email!

I should have told Chubby where the money is!

Okay!

Don't worry!

My dad taught me how to fly a jet.

Bertram, zip it up and get out here!

I'm writing my will on an airsick bag.

I'm leaving everything to hoarders anonymous, except my nesting dolls.

And my Lord Of The Rings toilet seat covers.

And my giant bag of tinsel.

Will you shut up about your hoard?

Just for that, you're not getting my leprechaun skeleton.

Mayday! Mayday!

The radio's dead! (Machinery powering down)

And the engine's failed!

Bertram, you're going to have to monitor the instrument panel.

What? I can't even set the DVR!

(Sobbing)

There's a clearing up ahead!

I should've eaten that extra crab cake!

That's your final thought?

Yes! They were very good!

Hang on!

Are we on the ground?

I think so.

Are we alive?

I think so.

Unless we're Angels.

I don't think Angels lose control of their bladders.

Oh..

Jessie, you saved us!

I would hug you, but I cannot remove my head from between my knees.

Where did we land?

On a deserted island in Indonesia.

Not sure which one, because there are over 17,000 of them.

(All groan)

Smart phone to the rescue!

Oh, no! No bars?

Why couldn't you have landed somewhere with better phone service?

Are you..

Ready for me to hit you in the head with that rock yet?

Almost.

Right now, I need to go scope out the area.

Stay here, and please, try to get along.

Since Emma and her stupid smart phone made the plane crash, when the food runs out, I say we cook her first!

No!

You're right.

There's a lot more meat on Bertram.

Hey!

No, I mean..

Mr. Kipling has escaped!

I must find him!

Ravi! Do not leave this plane!

Ravi: I am coming, my beloved pet!

Someone should really go after him.

Wow, there's a kid who lives here who looks just like Ravi!

Ewe! What happened to your neck?

It looks like something bit you!

Something did.

That bug was so big, it could wear a saddle.

I think I need a nap.

That sounds like a plan.

Bertram: Ravi!

Ravi!

Ravi!

(Inhales deeply)

(Trilling tongue loudly)

(Hissing)

What on Earth was that?

A lizard call.

That's how Ravi gets Kipling to come.

And every girl he's ever met to leave.

Hey, this jungle looks just like your silly comic book.

It's not a comic book, it's a graphic novel.

What's the difference?

About $12.95.

Hey, maybe we landed on island of the monsters.

(Laughing)

Island of the monsters!

Look!

(Exclaiming)

Those looks just like the footprints on page 32.

What happens on page 33?

You don't want to know, but it splatters onto page 34.

(Footsteps thundering)

(Loud roar)

(Screams)

Okay, remember. No matter what happens, we have to stick together!

(Creature roaring)

(All screaming)

Mr. Kipling! Mr. Kipling!

Mr. Kipling! You are all right!

If you ever wander off again, I will slap the scales off of you!

I am sorry. I did not mean it!

I love you!

Oh, Mr. Kipling!

You have made a little friend!

That is nice, but it is time to go back to the plane.

Hello! Remember me?

The one who hatched you from an egg?

This booty kept you warm for many months.

Oh, Kipling, you rascal!

You have found a sweetheart.

Ooh! My little lizard is all grown up.

Very well, you can have 10 minutes.

Tell grandpa the purple enchiladas are frozen!

And zebras are horrible at math!

O-M-G! You're totes delirious!

Jessie! Snap out of it!

Get your paws off of me, Easter Bunny!

What am I gonna do? Where is Bertram?

I need a grown-up who hasn't lost their mind!

(Sobbing)

(Screaming)

Okay, Mr. Kipling, it is time to go.

(Mr. Kipling hissing)

Why are you hissing at me?

Do not tell me you want to stay here with this Jurassic Jezebel.

You just met!

You know nothing about her!

She has probably been waiting to sink her claws into a rich city lizard just like you.

Ravi! There's a monster chasing us!

Come on!

No! I cannot bear to part with Mr. Kipling.

You're gonna be ripped into parts if we don't go right now!

I love you, Mr. Kipling!

I'm a party rapper! That's who I am!

Jessie, you're not making any sense!

(In British accent) No, I can't march in the pudding parade!

We need a Doctor!

I'm a Doctor!

That'll be $400. Stat!

There must be poison in that bite.

I've got to get it out of your system.

(Blowing raspberry)

(Air whooshing)

Ewe! Your neck tooted!

Where is everyone?

Emma! This is no time to be sleeping!

And why is there a spork in my neck?

(Panting) I can't go on.

All right, monster! Just eat me!

(Sobbing) I'm gonna die alone! All alone!

I'm all alone.

Oh.

I'm all alone! (Laughs)

No more kids!

Alone!

(Laughing)

Oh!

So that's the update.

Everything's under control.

We don't know where anyone is.

You call that under control?

Well, if you want to be negative about it.

And where is my thank you for sporking you back to health?

Thank you.

I hope I get to do the same to you someday.

Now, I've got to go find the kids.

Don't leave the plane!

And whatever you do, don't open the door!

The door is up in that tree!

(Monkeys chattering)

And here comes a monkey.

(All panting)

I will miss Mister Kipling for the rest of my life.

(Creature roaring)

Which may not be long!

I hope he does not like Indian food.

What if he thinks my freckles are like sprinkles?

Everyone loves sprinkles!

Oh, look, a hut!

Maybe we could hide in there!

I hate when you guys do that!

No hut cutsies!

I can't believe I spent my whole life in pants.

What was I thinking?

(Bird calling)

Ooh..

My main dish has arrived!

Whatever that is, I'm sure it's going to taste yummy with coconut sauce.

Kids: Jessie!

Don't worry, kids, I'll save you.

Jessie!

Ooh, that had to hurt.

Oh!

Oh, Jessie!

Oh, guys!

I'm so glad you guys are safe!

We're not!

There is a jungle monster chasing us!

We're on island of the monsters!

Guys, calm down. There's no such place as island of the monsters!

(Loud roaring)

Well, we're on an island and that's a monster, so call it what you want!

(Roaring)

(All screaming)

Point taken. Okay.

We'll be safe as long as we stay in the hut.

(Roaring)

(All screaming)

Change of plans. Hut bad, running good.

But what if we cannot run faster than the monster?

All I need to do is run faster than you.

Okay, guys..

I'm gonna go out there and distract the monster, so you guys can run back to the plane.

No! You will surely be eaten!

Then there'll be no one to fly us home!

Oh, thanks, that's touching.

Jessie, please come with us.

You have to stay alive until I'm 18.

(Roaring)

(Screaming)

(Screaming)

Please don't hurt me!

Don't hurt you? How dare you scare my kids!

My name is Dr. Cyrus Van Adams.

I wasn't trying to scare anyone!

So what's with the giant claw?

Uh..

Back scratcher?

And the monster feet?

You try shoe shopping around here.

And this?

(Roaring)

Uh..

That's my jam.

Don't worry, kids. It's not a monster.

It's just an idiot.

Okay, Emma, you got rid of those monkeys.

You can do this.

After all, a plane is just like a big cell phone, with wings and cute little bags of peanuts.

(Electricity crackling)

I did it! I fixed the plane!

(Squeals)

(Static hissing)

Hello? Operator?

I would like to report a crashed plane.

And shamefully bad cell service!

I've been here for five years, pursuing a rare bird..

Called the Blue-Breasted Goobie.

I've traced one to this region.

Finding it is my life's work.

So, the whole terrorizing people with fake monsters thing, that's like what, a hobby?

I was trying to keep you meddling kids away from my Goobie!

Dude, we don't want to go anywhere near your Goobie.

Don't rile him up.

He seems a little unstable.

Yeah, he could use a check-up from the neck up.

We do not wish to be here!

Our plane crashed!

Excuse me, no, no.

It was brilliantly landed by a heroic and underpaid nanny.

That would be me.

Well, why didn't you just say so?

We were a little busy running from your fake monster!

Oh, yeah, my bad.

Bertram!

Bertram!

I cannot believe Mister Kipling shed me like last year's skin so he can become some lady lizard's sugar dragon.

Ravi, that's so sad.

I know.

So I told him I hoped he and his scaly little swamp siren would be very happy together!

I cannot go on.

Mr. Kipling would want you to.

I think he would also want you to carry me.

So you know about island of the monsters?

That legend inspired my fake monster.

If you'd hung around a little longer, I would have brought out Katanga, the crab woman.

(Hissing)

You're all kinds of weird.

(Screams)

Idiot!

Bertram: Ow!

That sounded like Bertram!

Yeah, I'd recognize that whine anywhere.

Kids: Bertram!

We thought we'd never find you!

So did I. A guy can dream.

(Screaming)

Those bones!

Those feathers! I'd know them anywhere!

You're eating the last of the Blue-Breasted Goobies!

Huh. No kidding.

(Screams)

I've spent years studying it!

All my research, down the drain!

And into his colon.

You might want to write in your report that it was delicious.

(Screaming)

Okay, okay, he just..

(Burping)

(Screaming)

Hey, we're almost there.

Finally, you're back!

While you guys were out vacationing, I was..

Not now. A helicopter's coming!

We're saved! We're saved! Yay!

That's what I was trying to tell you!

I plugged the doohickey into the thingy and the gizmo went, "ding!"

Oh, dear, have you been bitten, too?

I hope there's a spork on the helicopter.

All right, everybody on!

Okay.

No! I don't want to go.

I want to stay here with no responsibility, no children, and these incredibly comfy clothes.

Bertram, there's no two-ply toilet paper here.

There's not even one-ply.

Out of my way!

Bertram: I call shotgun! Woo!

Could someone get that for me?

Oh, man. (All exclaiming)

I'm blind.

Alright guys, come on.

Go, go, go. Can you help them?

Thank you. Thank you.

Jessie, I cannot leave Mr. Kipling.

I know how hard it is, Ravi, okay?

Maybe Mr. Kipling just wanted to be with his own kind.

I'm so sorry, but we have to go.

Mr. Kipling! You came back!

I guess Mr. Kipling couldn't live without you, either.

Nothing is stronger than the bond between a boy and his lizard.

I wonder what happened with him and his scaly little swamp siren.

He must have kissed it and subsequently dissed it!

All right. I'll get him. Go!

So, you already got tired of the old ball and chain, huh?

Yeah. Just like every man I ever dated.

Cold-blooded.

Come on.

The kids are in the cockpit asking the pilot, "are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?"

Better him than me.

I need to rewrite my will.

I threw up in the last one.

Thanks for bringing me along.

It's the least we could do, considering what happened.

You mean ruining my life's work by letting your Butler eat my Blue-Breasted Goobie into extinction?

Yeah, that.

(Chirping sound)

Emma, that better not be your phone again!

That wasn't my phone.

Of course it was. What else would it be?

That warble sounded distinctly bird-like.

It's coming from Bertram's seat.

Hey, hands off my stuff!

(Groans)

(Jessie gasps)

Baby Goobies!

Gooblets!

Bertram, we do not put endangered species in our carry-ons!

We do if they're delicious.