01x05 - Fourth of July

[bunniefuu]

All right, now let's get on all fours like a cat.

And now your shoulders are going to be directly over your wrists with your knees centered under your hips.

Now round the back... mm-hmm... to really open up that spine.

Deep inhale in.

And round the back.

And deep inhale in.

Beautiful.

Namaste.

That was great.

Thank you.

Namaste.

Thank you.

See you next week.

Good work today.

Thanks.

Are you enjoying class?

Oh, I can't tell you how nice it is to have an hour a week just for myself and not have to worry about money or the laundry or if my husband's going to die in his sleep.

Good.

By the way, I'm throwing a little party for the 4th of July this Saturday, and I would love it if you could come.

Really?

Yeah. [Chuckle] Nothing fancy.

Just, you know, some friends, the ones I didn't lose in the divorce.

What time?

[sigh] Let's see. We start at noon, and it goes until we run out of tequila.

[laughing]

I'd love to.

Great.

Of course the Founding Father smoked the ganj'.

Washington, Adams, Jefferson, they all grew acres of this sh*t on their plantations.

Hemp was a major cash crop.

Roll paper and sticky nugs.

You don't believe me? Check this out.

The Declaration of Independence?

It was written on hemp paper.

It's basically a giant Zig-Zag.

Dude!

Nice tie.

Don't tell the Russkies, but it's just a clip-on.

Good morning, Mr. Getty.

Just the man I was hoping to see.

Uh, me?

Not you. You.

Park your little bicycle with Wheezer and walk with me.

It's, uh, Wheeler.

That's what I said. I want to talk to you about something.

Pedro, is that the sign?

Yes, sir.

God damn, it's supposed to be bigger.

High. Make sure it's high so it looks big.

Jesus Christ. I want to show you something.

Welcome back, Mr. Getty.

Thank you, Skip.

How was Tokyo?

Crowded.

Interesting people, the Japanese.

Just the whole way they do business.

Real m*therf*ckers.

They are three steps ahead in every negotiation.

They... It's like an art to them.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

W... w... what is this?

Kebabs for the barbecue, sir.

Kebabs? What are we, in Beirut?

No, no. This is the 4th of f*cking July.

Let's get some burgers, some hotdogs, potato salad.

Come on, things Reagan would eat.

Sorry, sir.

All right.

Yes, sir.

All right.

Jesus Christ.

What do you want to talk to me about?

Yeah, yeah.

Take a look at this.

You notice anything?

Uh... y... your name isn't on it?

What else?

Who's Stan Feinberg?

An assh*le.

Plastic surgeon.

Rarely attends club functions.

He's too good for them.

Like fixing tits makes him Jonas Salk.

And you want to b*at him?

Yes.

You and I are going to train every day, an hour a day, for the next six weeks.

No exceptions.

And Nash, he can fill you in on Feinberg's game so you can develop, like, a little defensive strategy.

I don't understand.

Why isn't Nash coaching you?

What do you mean, why...

Because I'm hiring you.

Yeah, but he's head pro.

There's no decision to make here.

I'm not asking you, I'm booking you.

Okay, You'll pay me my regular rate?

Yes. I'll pay your regular rate and a little bonus if I win.

What kind of bonus?

Seriously?

That's how you open a negotiation?

I didn't realize we were negotiating.

Well, then, you've already lost, haven't you?

But you know what? I'm in a festive mood.

It's our nation's birthday.

I'm going to give you a do-over.

Come on.

I want a thousand dollars.

Okay, first of all, you don't mention numbers.

Don't say a number. You leave that for the lawyers.

I don't have lawyers.

Just pretend you do.

Right. Okay. Well, then, uh, uh... then I want... rent.

Rent?

For a year. In the city.

Fine. Queens.

Uh...

Push me. Come on.

You know how badly I want it, so use it.

The Village. One bedroom.

Studio.

Uh, elevator building.

A walk-up.

Deal.

There you go.

See you on the court, coach.

Who are these people again?

I told you. Gayle is my yoga teacher.

What's her husband do?

She's divorced.

We don't have to stay long, do we?

Hush. Not long.

[ding]

You came.

[laughing]

Who is this?

Oh, that's my husband Sam.

Listen, we can't stay long.

Here, I brought you some tuna salad.

Thank you. Aw, don't you look festive.

I love your dress.

Thanks.

Come on in. The party's outside.

[laughter, chatter]

Yvonne, this is Judy from my Monday class.

Hi. Namaste.

Yvonne was my first yoga teacher.

Oh. Oh, that's great.

How long ago was that?

Four years.

Mm-hmm.

Oh. I'm sorry. My husband Sam.

You say your name was Juan?

Yvonne.

Oh, the J is silent?

Nonexistent.

Well, help yourself to wine and food.

[gasp] Deviled eggs.

Oh, Just one.

Hey!

Careful with this. It's quality sh*t.

Hasn't been cut with a ton of talcum powder and baby laxative.

Why do babies need laxative?

f*ck if I know. Do I look like Dr. Spock?

My point is be cool, okay?

Don't snort it all at once.

Don't mix it with anything.

Thanks, Party King.

[moaning]

Holy sh*t.

What the f*ck are you looking at, assh*le?

Misty: Get set, go!

Come on, come on, come on!

Whoo!

Oh, it's right there.

It's right there. Come on.

Come on, girls!

Don't let those boys win.

All right, get in there.

Nash: Don't tempt me, my little meerkat.

On your way with you. I'm only human.

Boychik.

Hey, got a minute?

I've got exactly two, and I've got somewhere I need to be.

Getty asked me to coach him for the club tournament.

Excuse me?

Apparently he's got a hard-on for this guy Feinberg who's won the last five years.

But, uh, I'm the head tennis pro.

I know.

Did Skip put you up to this?

No.

I see.

Look, I'm sorry, man.

It wasn't my idea.

I tried to tell him no, but he said it's not my decision.

Well, good luck.

You're going to need it.

It'll be a cold day in hell before Getty can defeat Feinberg.

Clumsy sheka foot faults more than my nana farts.

Thanks.

Well, you know, now I don't feel so bad asking you to cover my shifts for the next few hours.

Uh, sure. What's up?

Between you and I and this cigarette, I'm organizing a little underground poker game for myself and a few of the other sporting gentlemen here at the club.

What do I say to anyone who asks where you are?

Tell them I have diarrhea.

Ah, Semper Fi.

You serve?

Army. Korea.

You in 'nam?

Two tours.

Sam.

Ricky.

I only did one tour in Inchon because...

Man: Whoo!

Man: Whoa, check it out.

Would you look at that? It's disgusting.

Disgraceful.

In my day, you showed a little respect for the Stars and Stripes.

Amen, brother.

Yay! There you guys go!

Oh, my gosh, we have a winner!

Ha ha ha! Congrats, Allison.

Oh, your turn.

[mouthing]

Great job, you guys.

Hello.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I'm here for a lesson.

I thought you hated tennis.

I hate Gone With the Wind, too, but I'll watch it if nothing else is on.

Well?

Uh, yeah.

I'll grab my racquet.

All right, some quick ground rules.

First of all, buy-in is $100, so cr*ck out your wallets.

If you cheat, that will cost you a hand, as in I will cut off your hand with a blade made of fine Egyptian steel.

Is that clear?

[laughter]

Cheers to that.

Absolutely.

To our independence.

Mm. 100, 200.

Ah. Can I be sure this is real?

Uh, let's just hit a little to warm up.

All right.

I'm warm.

Where did that come from?

My father made me take lessons when I was little.

Okay.

[grunt]

You hear anything about this poker game that the Indian fella's running?

What Indian fella?

The tennis pro.

I think he's Turkish, not Indian Is there even a difference?

[laughing]

So switch to your left, then, man.

How is that any better?

Different half of your brain.

Trust me, it's a totally new experience.

Isn't that right, Wheeler?

Hey, Party King.

[knock]

Huh?

Aah!

[sigh]

sh*t!

Good match.

Ahh. Yeah.

Try adjusting your grip a little.

It'll help with your kick serve.

Okay.

Also, you're making contact too soon after your toss. If you wait a sec longer, You won't fall into the net so much.

Like this. Uh, ball is up here.

This guy's up here. Like that.

You're a good teacher.

Thanks.

And a gentleman.

Most guys would cop a feel.

Getty: Ahem.

Hello.

I thought you hated tennis.

It's growing on me.

Is it?

Where's Nasser?

He has diarrhea.

Nobody with a Middle Eastern gut gets diarrhea.

Then I don't know where he is.

You don't know where he is?

Okay.

Come on, Skip.

So are you going to tell her?

Can't, man. Breaking the guy code.

Screw the guy code. LeFevre's a d*ck.

Yeah, but then everyone would know I'm a snitch, which wouldn't be a very good rep for the Party King.

She deserves to know.

What if she gets pissed and quits Red Oaks?

Huh?

Why would she quit?

Wouldn't you? I mean... would you still want to see Karen every day at work if you'd found out she just fingered some dude?

And... And...

And let's not overlook the fact that I'm a coward that doesn't want to get his ass kicked by LeFevre.

f*ck it.

Wheeler! You fat little Ewok.

Hey, hey! Shouldn't you be parking my car?

Shouldn't you be sticking your hands up Misty's skirt?

What?

I mean...

Why don't you turn around and march your fat f*cking ass right out of here, okay?

Get out of my way.

D... don't! Don't!

Do not...

Do not touch me, you little p*ssy.

Misty!

Clumsy f*ck.

Wh... Wh... Swim, you turd!

He can't.

[gasp]

Steve, help me get him out.

Jesus, he's heavy.

Just pull.

f*ck!

[grunting]

Wheeler, you okay?

sh*t, he's not breathing.

f*cking meat bag.

Go call an ambulance!

Come on, breathe.

Are you okay? What the hell?

He's cheating on you.

What?

Steve.

I know it's against the guy code, but f*ck it.

I saw him in the kitchen with some girl.

He was...

I'm sorry.

You deserve to know.

Hey, need some help?

Oh, thanks.

I don't know why they make these cabinets so high.

[shatter]

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.

It's all right.

I'm so sorry. Oh, I...

I will replace them.

Judy, stop.

I...

Stop.

I'm such a klutz.

You're adorable.

Woman: Any more ice?

There's some in the sink.

[sigh]

Sam! Let's go!

But I'm not finished talking to Ricky.

Now.

All right. I'll get the salad bowl.

Sorry.

Are you drinking on the clock?

I don't believe in clocks.

Must be why I've been called timeless.

Want a drip?

Okay, so I was wondering.

Um, when you said you'd help me put together a modeling portfolio, were you being serious?

As cancer.

'cause...

I think I'm ready... y... you know, just to have on hand in case an opportunity comes up for, like, a local ad or something.

Screw local.

You need to be thinking regional.

But if we're going to do this, you need to put your complete faith in me.

Okay.

Okay.

Cool?

Snag that brew back?

Oh. Yeah. Sorry.

Thank you.

I call.

What have you got?

A full house.

Ooh.

Kings over 7s.

Herb, that's really good.

Um, well, I don't know what you call my hand in your country, but where I come from it's known as a royal flush.

Ohh!

Son of a bitch.

He wasn't bluffing.

Ha ha ha ha ha! No, I was not!

Oh, my goodness, I am f*cking untouchable today!

Well, well, well. What have we got here, gentlemen?

Uh, Mr. Getty, uh, well, uh...

Because it looks suspiciously like you're gambling at my club of the anniversary of our nation's birth, which is strictly against Red Oaks' bylaws, and you didn't have the decency to invite me.

Yes, well, I can explain that.

Ah, the game's over anyway.

Yeah.

It was fun, gentlemen.

Do this again some time.

Will you give us a minute, please?

Man: Nice knowing you, Nash.

Right. Ah, that seems mathematic.

I'll get these out of your way.

Sorry. I would have invited you. I figured...

Ah.

[muttering]

Sit down.

Yes. Okay.

All right.

Go ahead.

Sir?

Cut the deck.

High card wins.

Uh, what's the wager?

How much did you win?

It's, uh... it's about 3 grand.

Okay.

Yeah.

Go ahead.

Hm.

That's a tough break. That's a tough break.

Okay.

Why don't you want me to coach you?

I like you, Nasser. I do.

Everybody likes you here: the members, their wives.

You're an amusing guy. You're amusing.

I just...

I like my chances with the kid.

Galexa.

I'm sorry, sir?

Galexa.

That's the name of my friend's pharmaceutical company.

The symbol is GLX.

You're going to want to write that down.

You didn't hear it from me.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Hey, you.

Hey.

You hear what happened to Wheeler?

Is he going to be okay?

I think so.

You want to go watch the fireworks?

It's still pretty early.

Oh, we can go find a good place to sit on the fairway.

No, no. Anybody can be a bass player.

Like, do you know how much Michael Anthony drinks during the course of one Van Halen concert?

It's like gallons.

Oh, hey, babe.

You know, it was kind of gross watching you give mouth-to-mouth to that little chub scout.

What the... Come on, babe. I...

f*ck off.

Misty!

Not so close to the house, Sam.

Ah. Please.

[fireworks exploding]

Oh, Judy, come on. They're starting.

Come on. Come out.

It's too many bugs.

I got spray.

Come here.

Enough. Enough.

Just hold still.

You're going to give me breast cancer.

Must be nice to have a front row seat at the club.

Maybe next year David could sneak us in.

Whoa!

I've been thinking about it.

Hmm.

I think we should buy a place in the Hamptons.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

I have a feeling this is going to be a good year.

Child: Mom, look!

But you hate the Hamptons.

I'll get over it.

You realize this doesn't mean she's going to want to spend more time with us.

It doesn't mean she won't.

Beachfront?

Of course beachfront.

Mm.

Mm-mm! You're the best.

I really am.

♪ ♪ [rock]

♪ Springtime ♪
♪ Crazy luck ♪
♪ Is what you've got ♪
♪ If you give it up ♪
♪ Well, then, you start to forget ♪
♪ They're bringing you down ♪
♪ You're riding it out ♪
♪ Just for that hungry feelin' ♪
♪ Makes you another friend ♪
♪ So you fight society ♪
♪ You fight society ♪
♪ You fight society ♪
♪ You fight society ♪
♪ Don't let them rearrange you ♪
♪ Into some kind of stranger ♪
♪ They're busting you short ♪
♪ You got to win ♪
♪ Society ♪