02x09 - The Wedding

[bunniefuu]

Nash, you okay?

Come on.

Not bad.

Yeah?

You may have a future yet, kid.

Thanks, Herb.

Hi, Wheeler.

Hey.

I just wanted to say again how sorry I am about what happened.

It's okay.

Eli has a really bad temper and stuff.

His mom is making him see a therapist.

It's okay. No big deal.

Or permanent damage.

(chuckles) Also I wanted to tell you I got my SAT score back.

Oh, yeah? How'd you do?

I got an 1180.

That's fantastic.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

I'm proud of you. You worked really hard.

I should go.

You're a really good teacher, Wheeler.

Hey, Mr. Trips, when you're done inspiring future generations, I could use more olives.

(sighs)

Shalom.

Rabbi.

Glorious day, isn't it?

I suppose.

Can I help you with something?

You can indulge me.

I know as a man I am supposed to keep my distance, but as a man of God, when I see someone hurting, I'm drawn to them like a moth to a flame, Hmm.

A wise man once said...

(speaks Yiddish)

"There is nothing more whole than a broken heart."

If you say so.

(chuckles) I know so.

Back in rabbinical school, there were several occasions where a girl I was crazy about was stolen away by another guy, often a sporty fellow such as yourself.

Of course, at the time, it was devastating.

But I took comfort in the fact that there is nothing in this life that isn't willed by the creator.

And I kept the faith that someday He would see fit that I would be the one to win the girl.

(Mozart's "Elvira Madigan")

(music intensifies)

(slaps)

Reminds me of the backyard wedding from "Scarface," right?

Fewer tigers.

(chuckles)

(sighs)

Can't believe old Barry's actually getting hitched.

Used to be quite the cocksman back in the day.

I could tell you some stories.

Please don't.

Your loss.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hey. You guys come together?

Yeah.

No.

What your father means is we were invited separately, but since neither of us were bringing dates, we figured we'd carpool to save gas.

It was your mother's idea.

Okay.

I gotta sit. My sciatica's bothering me.

Okay. (mouths words)

(whispers) Bye.

Check you out.

Yeah, he cleans up good, don't he?

I look like a mattress salesman.

You do not. Tell him.

I wouldn't buy a mattress from you.

Even if my prices were insane?

Mmm.

Nash. Hey, dude.

Boychick, boychick, my dear.

Hey.

Hey, you know, a couple of Karen's hot friends from nursing school are here.

That should prove fortuitous if anyone chokes on a Jordan almond and requires the Heimlich.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find a "me-maw" to sit beside.

He's really taking this breakup hard, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It doesn't help that everywhere he goes in the club he bumps into Mrs. Horowitz and her rabbi.

We gotta cheer him up, man.

You get a chance to talk to Ganz yet?

I paged him, but he hasn't called me back.

Think he's in jail?

Hopefully not at the bottom of the Hudson.

Ganz, is he the...

Hey, there's two seats.

Let's go grab them.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

So when are we gonna talk about what happened the other night?

Never.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, or if I sent the wrong signals...

Just drop it, okay? It never happened.

I just didn't know you still had those kinds of feelings.

I don't want to talk about it, Judy.

Well, I do, because I think it's important...

Oh, God damn it.

This was a mistake.

Sam.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Sam, wait.

Pardon me. Excuse me.

Wait. Where are you going?

Thank you.

Seriously, Sam?

Really?

Oh, great. That's just great.

How's it going, Tito?

Yeah, not bad.

I'm getting some good stuff.

Sweet.

How about you? Everything cool?

As an above ground pool. (chuckles)

You sure?

No.

What's wrong?

Karen's freaking out.

She's in the bathroom upstairs.

Says she feels like she might puke or pass out.

Hopefully not both at the same time.

That's how Hendrix d*ed.

I don't know if she's coming out.

Oh, sh*t. What are you gonna do?

I was hoping maybe you go talk to her.

Me?

You know her better than anyone.

She'll listen to you.

Why not you?

Bad luck if I see her before the ceremony.

That's just an old wives' tale.

(scoffs) Yeah, my bro thought that.

His kid came out looking like Dr. Zaius.

I'm sorry. I can't.

Because you don't think she should marry me?

No, because I think it's a decision she needs to make for herself.

Please. I love her.

(sighs)

(knocking on door)

Go away, Mom.

It's not your mom.

Can I come in?

You okay?

I don't know.

You need a doctor or something?

A therapist maybe.

This must seem pretty funny to you since I was always the one in such a hurry to grow up.

No, I don't think it's funny.

Did Barry send you?

He asked me to.

I said no.

I wasn't gonna talk you into marrying him.

Why are you here?

Because I figured you'd probably feel pretty alone right now, and I wanted you to know you're not.

And also to tell you, if you don't wanna go through with this, you don't have to.

Just say the word, and I'll get you out of here.

You'd do that for me?

Yeah, of course.

So you want me to pull the car around?

I don't know what I want anymore.

Maybe this will help.

Hey, babe. It's me, Barry.

I know you're feeling pretty overwhelmed right now, and I don't blame you.

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed myself.

I never thought I'd settle down.

Figured some horses just weren't meant to be broke...

(Karen sniffles)

...that I'd roam these lands wild, lonely, and free.

Then one day you galloped into my life, a sexy Palomino, wind blowing through your mane.

And even though there was another guy riding you at the time, I knew one day you'd be the one to tame me.

And you did, Karen.

You're back to being a woman now in this metaphor, because Karen's not really a good name for a horse.

Usually they're called things like Peanut or Apache.

(Karen sniffles)

Anyway.

The point is...

I love you, and I'm done roaming.

You done broke this wild mustang.

Got me eating out of your hand.

And I'm not interested in anyone's sugar lumps but yours.

So... will you make me the happiest horse on earth, and ride off into the sunset with me?

(camera switch clicks)

(sniffles)

Yes.

Tell him I said yes.

(overlapping chatter)

♪♪
♪ Time ♪
♪ I've been passing time watching trains go by ♪
♪ All of my life ♪
♪ Lying on the sand watching seabirds fly ♪
♪ Wishing there would be ♪
♪ Someone waiting home for me ♪
♪ Something's telling me it might be you ♪
♪ It's telling me it might be you ♪
♪ All of my life ♪

(upbeat music)

♪ You never asked me to stay ♪
♪ Until the morning ♪

I'm impressed.

Huh?

Your work ethic. By now, most videographers would be shitfaced and hitting on bridesmaids.

That was my M.O.

You've been a videographer?

I've been everything, kid... including married.

Hey, you want a job?

Sure.

I'm not kidding. Could use someone like you down at ZBX.

Not afraid to work. You know your way around an editing deck, don't have an aversion to bathing.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

Uh, can I have some time to think about it?

(chuckles) Yes, think it over.

All right, I gotta find a way to eat this.

Hey!

Oh, gosh!

Hey. Hey.

Hi.

Hey.

Hey, um, you look great.

Thank you.

You sounded real good out here.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Who knew you had such a sensitive side?

Yeah, well, after we broke up, I did a lot of soul searching.

I got in touch with the real Steve, the guy that just wants to love and, you know, be loved.

Hmm.

I've changed.

All right, that was a nice talk.

Excuse me.

So if you really...

(door slams)

Beautiful ceremony, wasn't it?

Mm-hmm.

They looked so happy.

Yup.

Sam, we're adults.

We should be able to talk about what happened the other night.

I don't wanna.

Karen! Sweetheart!

Hi!

Hey.

So beautiful.

Thank you.

Thank you, Mrs. Myers.

Actually, I've decided to go back to my maiden name...

Rosen.

Since when?

Um, it just became official a few days ago.

Excuse me, I'm gonna go get something to drink.

So, where are you kids going on your honeymoon?

Acapulco.

Mexico, huh?

Great, great. Don't drink the water.

Yeah, it's what I hear.

Or eat the food.

How's my Gracie doing?

She's great.

Great.

Don't even know she's there.

So that's my story, cuckolded by a man of the cloth.

That's what they'll carve on my gravestone, except I plan to be cremated and have my ashes scattered across a women's softball team.

Nasser.

Skip.

Can I help you with something?

Just doing some recon on those two girls standing over there by that huppah.

It's not a huppah.

It's a trellis.

Same difference.

No, it isn't.

A huppah is a sacred symbol of Jewish matrimony.

A trellis is a garden decoration.

Whatever.

Point is, seems like a wasted opportunity.

Both of us are flying solo.

Thought maybe we could team up.

You're asking me to be your wingman?

(sighs)

No, I'm afraid my flying days are over.

I'll do it.

No.

♪♪

(cheering)

♪ I just close my eyes ♪
♪ And you'll appear ♪
♪ Just like you always ♪
♪ Did before ♪
♪ And when I call your name... ♪

You wanna dance?

Aren't you working?

I'm on a break.

Everything okay with you and Dad?

Oh, fine.

Why did he change seats before the ceremony?

I think your father's having a hard time moving on.

I thought it was both your ideas to get divorced.

I did, too.

So your dad tells me that you and Skye broke up.

Yeah. Well, not officially.

We had a pretty big fight, and we haven't talked since.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No.

Want my advice?

No.

Okay.

No offense, Mom. I appreciate it.

But I just think it's something I need to figure out on my own.

So why didn't you bring a date today?

Well, I'm not seeing anyone right now.

But you were?

Um, well, the person I was seeing wanted to go faster than I did, and I just wasn't ready for a real relationship.

Why not?

You know, I was Mrs. Sam Myers for so long.

It's nice to just be Judy for once.

Oh, and not have to worry about anybody but me and you, of course.

You don't need to worry about me, Mom.

Don't I?

(cheering)

That's good cake! That's good cake!

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Aren't you having a good time?

Totally.

Um, I just...

(whispers) f*ck.

What?

What would you say if I were to go back to school?

Finish my degree.

Maybe get my teaching certificate.

Are you serious?

I would say that's awesome.

Yeah?

Yeah!

I think you would make an amazing teacher.

You think?

Yeah, absolutely.

This will be so much fun. We can study together.

We can make out in the stacks at the library.

Actually, I was thinking of maybe going back to Cornell.

Oh.

(nervous chuckle)

Travalanche.

Barracuda.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

So glad you can make it.

Open bar.

Hey, hey.

Got a box of videos I want to bequeath to you upon my return from Mexico.

What videos?

"Emmanuel,"

"Emmanuel II: Joys Of A Woman,"

"Black Emmanuel."

My whole collection.

The whole tugboat.

You can't be serious. Are you sure?

Not gonna be needing them anymore.

I want them to find a good home.

(cheering)

Well, all in all, I suppose it wasn't such a bad afternoon.

You crashing at my place tonight?

I think Mom's. It's closer to the club, and I need to teach Getty first thing in the morning.

Oh, yeah? How's things with you and Getty?

He actually offered me a job at his firm.

Oh, honey.

Honey, that's fantastic. When do you start?

Well, I haven't decided to take it yet.

What do you mean, you haven't decided?

I don't wanna rush into anything.

It's a big decision. I wanna take my time, weigh my options.

What options?

Other offers.

You've had other offers?

Travis at Channel 87 wants to hire me full time.

To do what, host a psychic hotline?

We didn't discuss job titles, but, you know, some kind of production assistant.

Did you discuss a paycheck?

No.

Oh, Jesus. Jesus. Honey, please.

Listen to your old man.

Opportunities like Getty's don't come along often.

This could set you up for a very comfortable life.

What are you two talking about?

We're discussing our son's future.

Oh, good! Because I've been giving it a lot of thought.

As someone who never got to go to a four-year college and regrets it, I feel very strongly that you should go back to NYU this fall and finish your degree.

In what?

English, basket weaving... It doesn't matter.

Just go get your diploma.

I'd rather he get a job.

Can we talk about all this some other time?

When would you like to talk about it, when you're 40 and still crashing on my couch?

Sam! Don't be mean!

I'm not being mean. I'm being a father who is giving his son the kick in the ass he needs.

I don't need a kick in the ass.

Oh, yeah? What do you need?

For you to get off my f*cking back!

Hey, don't speak to your father that way.

Come on, Judy. I'm leaving.

Are you still staying at my place tonight?

Yeah. I'm gonna be kind of late, though.

There's something I need to do.

Okay.

Come on, Judy.

(door opens)

(sighs)

(knocking on door)

Gracie! Oh, honey!

Oh, you had me so worried! Where was she?

Found her poking around the dumpsters behind the mini-mart where I work.

You crossed the street by yourself?

What were you thinking? You could have been hit by a Mack truck.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much, Miss, um...

Agatha.

Agatha! Of course, yes!

From the... Yeah, I'm sorry. It's been a long day.

Why are you wearing a tie?

Wedding.

Oh.

I like weddings.

Me, too.

Listen, would you care for some wedding cake?

'Cause I got a piece. It's way too big for one person.

In fact, if my cardiologist knew I was eating it all by myself, he'd have a coronary.

You have a heart condition?

(cat purrs)

I have asthma.

(clears throat)

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I tried calling you the other day, but you weren't home.

Why didn't you leave a message?

I don't know. I guess I figured it was better we talk in person.

Yeah.

Machines are pretty impersonal.

I guess there's not much to say.

Maybe not.

Look, I don't...

I don't think either of us has anything to apologize for.

We're just different people.

We have very different points of view, or at least you do.

What?

Uh, just have a point of view.

Apparently, I'm lacking in one, according to Zan's art teacher friend.

She said that?

Yeah.

Well, she's wrong, so f*ck her.

I brought you this. It's the footage I sh*t in Paris.

I got it transferred to video.

Wow. (chuckles)

That feels like a lifetime ago.

I know.

I still can't believe my parents showed up.

Yeah, I know, Can you imagine what would have happened if they knew I was under the sofa naked?

Oh, God, no. (chuckles)

I know you're pretty busy, so you probably won't get a chance to watch it.

No. No, I will.

I want to.

I... I wanna... I want to.

I should really get back to work.

Okay.

Oh, by the way, your dad's verdict is due any day now.

Probably Thursday or Friday.

I can't be there.

So it won't be awkward for you to go.

I'll see if I can. I have a lot going on.

You should be there.

("Thieves Like Us")

♪ But when it dies ♪
♪ It dies for good ♪
♪ It's for love ♪
♪ And it belongs to everyone but us ♪
♪ I've lived my life in the valleys ♪
♪ I've lived my life on the hills ♪
♪ I've lived my life on alcohol ♪
♪ I've lived my life on pills ♪
♪ But it's called love ♪
♪ And it belongs to us ♪
♪ It's called love ♪
♪ And it's the only thing that's worth living for ♪
♪ It's called love ♪
♪ And it belongs to us ♪
♪ It's called love ♪
♪ Yes, it's called love ♪