02x05 - Dumb Starbucks

[bunniefuu]

A coffee controversy is brewing tonight.

A new shop in Los Feliz is calling itself "Dumb Starbucks."

Dumb Starbucks.

Dumb Starbucks.

Dumb Starbucks.

Dumb Starbucks.

Dumb Starbucks.

Dumb Starbucks.

(all) Dumb...

Dumb Starbucks.

Its origin and owner are a mystery.

My name is Nathan Fielder, And I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools with really good grades.

Now I'm using my knowledge to help struggling small business owners make it in this competitive world.

(dramatic music)

♪ ♪

This is Nathan for You.

Elias Zacklin is the owner of Helio Cafe, a small coffee shop in East Hollywood, California.

And he prides himself on doing things a little bit different.

The atmosphere's very eclectic.

You don't walk in and--

Actually, there's even-- not even a menu in my shop.

And that's been done purposefully.

But in a world where one company has practically perfected the coffee experience, going against the grain has caused Elias' shop to be empty, so I paid him a visit with a way for him to finally compete with the big players.

The problem with you is you have great coffee but just no one knows what this place is.

Correct.

No one--

You don't have a brand that people recognize.

Absolutely.

But maybe there's a shortcut to actually having brand recognition.

Using a little something called parody law.

Parody law.

Often used by artists like "Weird Al" Yankovic and shows like Saturday Night Live, parody law allows you to use trademarks and copyrighted material as long as you're making fun of them.

So if Elias could find a way to make fun of Starbucks, he'd be free and clear to borrow their valuable corporate name and image for his store.

The plan: turn the Helio Cafe into the world's first parody Starbucks.

So how do you make that a parody without it--

You just not mimicking their brand?

Like, the coffees could be "Dumb Grande," "Dumb Venti"...

Yeah, I got you.

"Dumb Frappuccino."

Gotcha. Okay.

I mean, as a whole, the store could just be called "Dumb Starbucks."

Right. That's--

Okay, I see what you're saying. Right.

But the "Dumb" could be small so people could come in thinking it's an actual Starbucks.

Huh. It's smart, I just don't know if people would get it. You know.

I don't know if people are, you know...

Well, do people get what you're doing now?

You're not that popular.

Right.

You have no menu.

That's true.

I mean, what do you have to lose by trying?

I mean, what do I have to lose?

I... I don't know actually.

Elias was on board, but he did have one major concern.

I definitely could not afford a lawsuit from Starbucks.

Definitely not.

Based off what I read on Wikipedia, it seemed like my approach was legal.

But just to be sure, I retained the services of attorney Peter J. Marx to guarantee we were protected.

"Dumb Starbucks"?

But the "Dumb" would be smaller so people would still think it's a Starbucks.

If people think it's a Starbucks, you've got a problem.

It's not really a parody then.

Apparently, my legal footing wasn't as solid as I thought.

But then Peter brought up one way I could cover myself.

Let's say you had a reputation as being a--

Yeah. someone who does lots of parody.

Then they know, oh, he's just making fun of Starbucks, because this is what he does.

So I have to become a parody artist.

It wouldn't hurt.

It seemed like I still had some work ahead of me.

But before leaving, I needed to be sure I was protected.

So if I do all this, then Starbucks can't sue me?

This is America.

People file lawsuits at the drop of a hat.

But if they sue, you're liable too, right?

Who's liable?

You.

Me personally?

Yeah.

Not unless I'm involved in-- in viola-- in infringing their trademark, no.

Yeah, the appearance release you signed before had a clause that you would be liable too, if Starbucks sued.

I don't agree to this at all.

I do not agree to pay all legal fees and damages from legal action because I have no control over what's being released.

Well, why did you sign that, then?

Yeah, I signed it. And I signed it because I didn't have a chance to read it and I thought--

But you're a lawyer. Don't you read things before you sign them?

I do read things--

I try to read things but you wanted me to sh**t and I glanced at it and this was my mistake. I'll acknowledge that.

Okay. Well, you signed it so I guess you can give that back.

Well, I-I'm not gonna give it back because I'm going to--

Well, I handed it to you just to look over, but you already--

No, I'm not gonna give it back to you.

I'm protecting myself and, frankly, you from a nightmare.

Well, you signed it.

We have you on camera signing it.

So it still holds up in court.

You don't have me on camera signing it.

Yes, we do.

What kind of lawyer am I? Signing [bleep] I haven't read.

Well, if you do, that's fine then you-- then you'll know how the terms--I'm gonna put it in my pocket.

Well, no, we don't want it in your pocket.

I-- We do want it in my pocket.

Please. Please, you're in my office.

I'm very serious. And I don't know if you're really trying to do this just for the show, but I'd like you to get off my desk and I'm gonna ask you to leave the office.

I was disappointed that Peter was trying to back out of the deal he signed.

But our producers were eventually able to calm him down enough to keep sh**ting.

They just said they need to get a sh*t of the-- an insert of the document. Like a sh*t of it.

(laughs) It's staying-- It's staying in my pocket.

It's not going anywhere.

Well, we just need to get a sh*t of the clause for the scene.

I-I--

On the document.

You can hold on to it.

Just hold it out like you'd had and then--yeah.

This camera needs to get it out here.

Okay, that's how I had it.

And then you can-- just make sure you get an insert of the actual--

You know, I'm about to-- I don't know if you're provoking me or not, but I'm-- I'm not-- I'm getting tired of this.

I'm not gonna be responsible for your conduct, okay?

My plan to have Peter share liability didn't work.

So it was more important than ever that Elias and I take his guidance to protect ourselves.

It would just be helpful, legally, if we had a history of being parody artists.

Okay.

I told him we'd only have two weeks to make as big of a splash as possible.

So we got to work coming up with some songs that we could perform around town.

So the easiest thing that anyone would recognize is a Stones song, a Zeppelin song.

Yeah, maybe we could, like, skewer them for being old.

Right.

I can't get an erection, but I try, but I try.

Or something like that. You know, I don't know.

We had our first song, and after finishing the lyrics I booked us a spot at a local open mic night so we could begin building our legal defense.

Elias and I are big fans of the Rolling Stones.

But, you know, we were talking lately and we thought "You know, these guys are kinda getting a little old," so...

(strums guitar)

♪ I can't get no-ho ♪

♪ e-e-rection ♪

♪ I can't get no-ho ♪

♪ e-e-rection ♪

Our first performance actually went pretty well.

But after our set, Elias expressed some reservations.

Are you not confident in the lyrics?

Okay.

He was too nervous to get on stage again.

So after writing more songs, I had to do the next open mic, on my own.

♪ I'm not afraid ♪

♪ To grab my balls ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Come grab my balls ♪

♪ Don't let the checks run dry ♪

♪ Royalties ♪

♪ Shave tonight ♪

♪ Let's get that beard all gone ♪

♪ Too much stubble ♪

♪ Let's get that hair all gone ♪

I thought the show went okay, but unfortunately, the audience didn't agree.

I didn't really like that at all.

It's not really my cup of tea.

He [bleep] sucked.

Maybe musical parody just wasn't in style right now, because when I looked online, no one was writing about my work.

So I called Elias with a change of plan.

I was thinking maybe, you know, we move into some more visual parody and do, like, a more formal art show.

Are you saying that this is not your priority right now?

Or what are you saying?

Elias said he didn't have time to help.

But I knew this was my last sh*t to become known as a parody artist.

So I spent the rest of the week generating art pieces.

And booked a gallery space in a hip neighborhood to display my work.

And after passing out flyers to make sure I had a crowd...

Friday night at 7:00?

Yeah.

I can make that. my art show was ready to begin.

After putting the final touches on my parody art, we opened our doors and right away I could tell people were digging my work.

America being mostly about w*r and Bank of America being about profits and money as well, I just--

I actually like that one.

The meaning of this is actually just, like, you know, you put your money in the bank. It's really safe.

Like a t*nk.

Okay.

I'm just curious, like, what in your opinion makes this piece worth $2,500?

Like, what did you put into it that would make it worth that much?

Unlike my songs, my visual pieces seemed to be making the impact I needed them to.

As people were taking me seriously as a parody artist...

Well, this catches my eye. Yeah, I feel this. the night was a success.

And best of all, I now had the evidence to argue that Dumb Starbucks was just another one of my art pieces.

But as the show was winding down, I found myself frustrated that Elias didn't even bother to show up.

I was working night and day to help his business and he didn't even seem to care.

But I wasn't gonna let an idea this good go to waste.

So the next day, I returned to the Helio Cafe with my lawyer to make things fair.

Basically, as I understand it, what Nathan has related to me, is that he has done the lion's share of the work in setting up the business.

Not only creating the concept, coming up with it...

Peter went on to say that Elias would no longer be a part of Dumb Starbucks, that I would be opening up a new shop on my own, and that Elias would be getting nothing.

Do you have any questions of me at this time?

I-- not-- not at this time. Not at this time.

After severing ties with Elias, I could now proceed without his dead weight slowing me down.

So I rented a vacant retail space in Los Feliz, California, that would serve as the location for the first Dumb Starbucks.

This reminds me of the metal in my house.

You have metal in your house like that?

Yeah.

Oh.

Construction began immediately, and it would take at least a week to build the shop.

So in the meantime, I posted an ad on Craigslist seeking baristas with Starbucks experience.

And after receiving some responses, I met with the applicants to see if they'd be a good fit.

When you're interacting with customers, you know, it's important to have a good sense of humor.

Mm-hmm.

Do you have a good sense of humor?

Yeah, I think so.

So, let's see some of that.

Hi.

Hey, how's it going? How's your day?

Great. Yeah, it's going well.

It's going well? How's the weather?

You enjoying the weather?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's cool. I'm not.

It's just too warm.

And I'm getting over a sickness too, so it's even more warm than I'd like it to be.

That was funny.

Yeah, thanks.

Jeremiah was perfect for the job.

I also hired Amber since we seemed to have a lot in common.

What would you say is your greatest weakness?

My greatest weakness is that I'm too nice.

That's so funny, that's-- it-- that's my greatest weakness too.

Really?

Yeah.

And with the store set to open in less than 24 hours, my crew and I put the final touches on making my parody Starbucks look as authentic as possible.

Before long, everything was complete.

And after giving Amber and Jeremiah their official uniforms we had our first employee orientation to go over some company policies.

So because of the size of the company, I am also the HR department here.

So we need to go over the code of conduct when it comes to telationships in the workplace.

The rule of thumb is, if you begin dating another employee here, it has to be reported to HR.

Also, because sexual tension is something that's very distracting in the workplace, if you find yourself attracted to another employee, that also needs to be disclosed.

Um, Amber, do you want to go first?

Wow. Okay.

Well, I mean, everybody's different.

So, like, for me personally, attraction is more than just--

I mean, who out of the people you work with are you attracted to the most?

Including bosses.

Uh, wow.

Okay, I'm gonna-- I'll go with you.

Me?

Yeah.

So out of everyone you work with, you're most attracted to me?

Right. And you heard that, or--?

Yeah, I heard that. Yeah, loud and clear.

So mine, I guess would be you.

And Jeremiah, I guess, no one picked you.

But, um, for the record I guess I do need to know who you are most attracted to.

Um, just say her.

Amber?

Yeah.

Okay, well, obviously, you know, she did pick me--

Yeah. so that is unlikely to happen.

But it's good that I do know that for the record.

And I think the fact that we've talked about it, now we can continue working as peers without there being any awkwardness.

Okay.

After our employee orientation, I showed Amber and Jeremiah around the shop.

And got them acquainted with all the items Dumb Starbucks has to offer.

The only thing left to do was unveil our new sign to the world.

Ready?

Yeah.

Ready.

All right.

Oh.

Yay, all right. Yeah.

Pretty good, huh?

Yeah.

And with that, Dumb Starbucks was officially open for business.

With our sign now on display, my plan quickly began to work, as people started coming in thinking it was an actual Starbucks.

Oh, Dumb Starbucks. Okay, okay.

Oh, you thought it was Starbucks.

I did.

But the few customers we did get seemed to have trouble understanding what we were all about.

I mean, legally speaking, this store has to be categorized as an art gallery, so we don't have to abide by the same health regulations as a Starbucks would.

I mean, we don't want any of our customers to get sick.

But if they do, technically, that's part of the artistic experience.

Things were off to an okay start.

But as the day progressed, I became frustrated we weren't getting the amount of customers I expected.

So I headed out to a nearby coffee shop to try and spread the word about my new business.

Just so you know, there's a Dumb Starbucks that's opened up down the block.

Okay.

Okay.

It's basically the same coffee. Cheaper prices, and--

Dumb Starbucks?

Yeah.

Today, you know, you can have a free coffee on me.

I understand you're trying to promote your company.

Right.

I admire that.

But that's great. You can't do it on Starbucks' property.

And I admire you.

And I will be--

And every time I step back, you keep taking a step forward.

No, I haven't moved.

You have. We started over here.

No, we started right here.

But you need to walk that way.

Okay, I will.

Unfortunately, my marketing efforts were cut short.

But I was at least able to get some free supplies.

With an underwhelming launch day, I began to feel like I put in all this effort for nothing.

But the next morning things changed.

Jeremiah called me to say there was a line of over 15 people at the store.

Then I saw photos of my shop posted on a straight body building message board.

But I couldn't have foreseen what happened next.

A new coffee shop with a familiar name creating quite a stir in Los Angeles.

The coffee shop-- get this-- is called Dumb Starbucks.

That looks exactly like a Starbucks.

The logo, the lettering, the green coloring--

How do they get away with this?

Because they put the word "Dumb" on top of Starbucks, so they're parodying Starbucks.

A coffee chain notorious for suing imitators may have finally met it's match.

At the counter, customers can order a "Dumb Venti"

Or buy a CD of "Dumb Norah Jones Duets."

Some people waited in line for up to an hour.

It's an art gallery where coffee is considered art.

What's the point of the art? I mean, what's the message?

I don't know.

(speaking Spanish)

(speaking Korean)

I was stunned.

We had more customers than I ever dreamed of.

And within 24 hours, Dumb Starbucks had become a worldwide sensation.

Yeah, there's absolutely artistic value here.

To me, this is a protest.

This is a protest against the big fish.

The leviathans of Starbucks.

It was cool that people could draw their own meaning from a business that was just there to make money.

There's a rumor that it might be Banksy and we're all really excited about that.

I had inadvertently created something that was on par with one of the world's greatest artists.

Something tied to an art installation.

Maybe this is Banksy.

Before I knew it, cups from my shop were selling on eBay for $500 a piece.

And swindlers were even trying to cash in on the hype by hocking fake merchandise outside the store.

By the end of the weekend I realized that Dumb Starbucks was a bigger idea than I ever thought it could be.

So I gathered the worldwide media to announce that we were expanding.

(cheers and applause)

Hi.

I'm proud to announce that we'll soon be opening a second Dumb Starbucks location in Brooklyn, New York, within the next two weeks.

(cheers and applause)

My business was not only a bona fide success, but for the first time in my life It felt like people actually wanted to be around me.

Whatever I had done resonated with the entire world.

And the attention was like sunlight on my soul.

My entire marketing plan depended on using their corporate logo to get attention.

And the only way to legally do it is by using "Dumb."

Every major network in America wanted to know my story.

Nathan Fielder.

I was invincible.

And I have to admit, the view from the top was pretty nice.

We're also famous for our pastries.

I brought you some, actually.

Oh, okay. Yeah, great.

I brought some of our pastries, yeah.

Oh, those look great. (audience laughs)

What do you call these? Are these those--

I brought muffins too.

Oh, look at that.

These are our famous pastries.

Isn't that weird.

It says Vons on the side. (audience laughs)

I was all smiles and my head was in the clouds.

Then all of a sudden, reality hit.

The coffee shop called "Dumb Starbucks" that popped up in Los Feliz this weekend is now closed.

The Los Angeles Health Department shut down Dumb Starbucks yesterday because it did not have proper permits.

Right now, the future of Dumb Starbucks isn't clear.

Being shut down by the Health Department was the worst thing that could happen to me.

I was at risk of losing everything.

And I realized that maybe I knew less about running a coffee shop than I initially thought.

But then I remembered, there was one person I knew with the knowledge to get me out of this.

I can do the training and I can source the beans.

The Health Department will have to come in, do a plan check.

Okay.

That I can do.

When I returned to Elias to ask for his help he wanted nothing to do with me.

So you think we're-- we're not friends and we're not--

My friends don't hire lawyers to come and sign contracts.

I thought--I thought we were friends or--

But my friends don't have cameras and lights and lawyers.

And producers.

That's not how you establish a friendship.

Elias' words hit me like a ton of bricks.

And in that moment, I realized that in building Dumb Starbucks, I became someone that I never wanted to be.

I began all this trying to help a struggling coffee shop gain recognition.

And in my scramble to make things work I put myself before my fellow man, time and time again.

In the end, I got everything I could have ever dreamed of.

But what does success mean if the road that got you there is paved with broken hearts?

They say that the devil is an artist.

And if that's so, then maybe I was his greatest piece yet.

So rather than fighting the Health Department, I decided it was time for Dumb Starbucks to end.

It may have been impossible to right every wrong, but it wasn't too late to begin doing what was right.

Jeremiah, I'd like to give you my blessing to pursue Amber, if that's what you want.

And whatever happens after that, happens.

Wow. Okay.

Bringing people joy is my true calling.

I might have lost my opportunity to help the Helio Cafe in the way I intended.

But with the world's eye still on me, I could at least draw their attention to the place that needed it the most.