03x08 - The Hero

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Nathan for You". Aired: February 2013 to November 2017.*
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"Nathan for You" centers around Nathan Fielder, who helps real small businesses turn a profit. Often people gain more than they were expecting!
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03x08 - The Hero

Post by bunniefuu »

Good evening.

Right now, I'm on a rooftop in the heart of historic downtown Los Angeles, overseeing the final preparations for what could be one of the most astonishing events to ever be broadcast on television, an event that could change a man's life forever.

This is Corey, an ordinary guy whose life is in a rut. But two weeks ago, I secretly took over Corey's entire identity with one goal in mind: to transform a totally unremarkable man into a national hero. How will I do it?

Well, if everything goes as planned, in just moments, a crowd below will be inspired as Corey steps off this rooftop and performs a death-defying tightrope walk for charity. But what no one will know is that the man who's really walking that wire will be me.

<i>[suspenseful music]

I've always believed that there's a hero inside each and every one of us. So nine months ago, to inspire you, I began working on a secret project to prove that even the most unlikely people have the potential for greatness. Can anyone become a hero? Well, tonight, you're about to find out.



When I decided I wanted to transform someone's life, I knew I needed to find a person who was beyond hopeless. So I sent out a team of producers to scour food courts, coffee shops, gas stations, and comic book stores, looking for people who wanted a better life. The producers told them they were recruiting for a new reality show, in which participants would receive a life makeover. And after an exhaustive search that lasted weeks, someone finally caught my eye.</i>

<i>My name is Corey Calderwood, and, uh... I work at an arcade right now three days a week.</i>

<i>Corey was single, stuck in a dead-end job, and lived with his parents. He didn't seem to have any life plans whatsoever, so I paid him a visit at his home in Ventura, California, with an offer to change his life forever.</i>

Are you happy with where you're at in your life right now?

Uh... Most of the time, I'd say I have those moments where you feel like it could be better, you know? There's things that I still want, I guess.

<i>Corey spends most of his days caring for his parents' house where he still lives, playing video games, and organizing his collection of "Magic: The Gathering" cards.</i>

Just a fun little way to pass some time.

<i>But since his mom and stepdad are away in Hawaii on business most of the year, his grandparents have become his main caregivers. And they, too, would like to see more from Corey.</i>

He has a great potential.

He just doesn't either know how to achieve it or to get into it.

<i>He just seems to be</i> gliding through life right now.

Just slip-sliding away.

Slip-sliding away.

<i>Corey was the perfect candidate. But I had to make sure he was willing to play by my rules.</i>

I should tell you, that you won't have much information throughout this process.

And once we get started, you will be completely cut off from the outside world.

All right.

That is interesting.

But I can tell you that if you do this, by the time I'm done, you will reemerge as a national hero.

So...

Are you in?

Yeah.

You sure?

Sure.

<i>With Corey on board and a legal liability waiver signed, I could now begin the process of learning everything about him, as my plan would soon require me to secretly take over Corey's life.</i>

My stepdad travels for his work.

I definitely find braces to be really cute, for some reason.

I like alfredo pasta.

And I worked at a call center.

I've worked at a recycling factory.

My favorite movie of all time was "Tommy Boy."

I just say "cool beans" a lot.

Cool beans.

Cool beans.

<i>But learning facts about Corey wouldn't be enough, as my plan would require me to physically become him. So I asked him to give me a tour of his bedroom, with the real purpose of secretly studying his mannerisms and the way he moved.</i>

Well, normally, I mean--

I just go on for a little bit.

<i>But to pull this off, my resemblance to Corey would have to go further. So the next day, we told him he'd have to take a routine physical to make sure he was fit enough to participate in the show. But what Corey didn't know is that the doctor was actually four-time Emmy-nominated makeup artist Vincent Van d*ke, who, in the guise of performing some routine medical tests...</i>

So this is gonna just test for epilepsy.

I'm just gonna have you close your eyes, okay?

<i>Was able to secure our most crucial asset for my transformation: a full 3-D laser scan of Corey's face.

[dramatic music]</i>

All right, thank you so much.

I appreciate it.

No problem.

<i>With his digitized facial map on file, I had it sent to a 3-D printer to create a life-size replica bust. And once complete, it was delivered to Vincent's studio in Burbank, where he began the process of casting the mold for the latex prosthetic that would turn me into Corey Calderwood. But for what I was about to do next, I had to get the real Corey out of town.</i>

Just so you don't know where you're going, I'm gonna put this bag over your head.

Is that okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

You can breathe okay?

Yeah.

<i>Once I assumed his identity, there couldn't be two of us.</i>

Okay, you comfortable?

Yeah.

<i>So I needed to completely isolate Corey from the rest of the world-- away from phones, internet, and especially his family.</i>

The road ends here, okay?

So we're gonna go into a helicopter.

[indistinct chatter]

[helicopter whirring]

<i>[dramatic music] ♪</i>

[indistinct chatter]

All right.

Oh, that's bright.

That is a big eye adjustment.

So you can kind of see, you got everything you need.

<i>I had fully stocked a trailer with enough supplies for Corey to survive while I hid him in a remote corner of the Mojave Desert.</i>

Do you like this brand, Market Pantry?

I don't think I've had it before, but I'll find out.

Yeah.

<i>After showing him how to use the portable toilet...</i>

Oh, yeah.

<i>I took possession of his ID cards, keys, and cell phone.</i>

Nice case. Where'd you get this?

Oh, it was my mom's old phone.

Oh, yeah, I was thinking it looks kind of girly.

I know.

Yeah.

Are you guys gonna come by and check on me periodically, or is it, I'm out here for two weeks, then you show up and I head back?

Yes.

<i>And with Corey squared away, I was off.</i>

[helicopter whirring]

<i>[dramatic music] ♪

Walking a wire is one of the most inspiring acts a human can do. So for the past seven months, I've been teaching myself how to balance on a 1/2 inch steel tightrope. When I first attempted this, I couldn't even stay on the wire for more than a few seconds at a time. But after days and days and hundreds of hours of relentless practice, I began to get the hang of it. And just a week before meeting Corey, I was finally good enough to make it across a wire suspended 5 feet in the air. But to turn someone into a national hero, I would need the spectacle to be much bigger. So I picked a pair of buildings in downtown Los Angeles to be the platform for a death-defying wire walk 80 feet above the ground. Now I just had to convince the public that another man would be doing it. So with Corey laying low in the desert, I worked round the clock to master my impersonation.</i>

I love specifically, like, alfredo pasta.

<i>And once the prosthetic and custom body suit were ready, we began the 4 1/2 hour application process that would complete my transformation into Corey Calderwood. And then I headed into the first media appearance I had booked for Corey to promote the big event.

95.5, KLOS.</i>

So you're gonna get on a wire in downtown Los Angeles, and it's something-- you're not a tightrope walker?

No.

This isn't what you do?

Just started learning to wire walk six months ago.

It's totally new for me.

I can't imagine you being on a high wire with thousands, possibly, of people--

A lot of people have been saying that what I'm doing is inspiring and heroic, you know?

But I--I really don't see it that way.

My goal is to raise awareness for breast cancer and the charity Metavivor, specifically.

Well, then you are a hero.

Yes!

I hope you make it--

Well, I don't see it that way.

I don't really see myself as a hero, but thank you for saying that; that is nice.

Did breast cancer affect you personally in some way?

No.

<i>The radio appearance couldn't have gone better. And with millions of people listening, I was hopeful it would draw a crowd. But there was still one issue I had to resolve. When I first met Corey, he opened up to me about something he was struggling with.</i>

It would be good to be in a relationship.

It gets lonely when you're not with someone for a while, you know.

<i>I was worried that if his love life remained unfulfilled, he might not have the confidence he would need to step into his new role as a hero. So I decided to create an online dating account for Corey that I populated with photos from his Facebook page. I also created some new images that would help portray Corey as a sensitive guy that women would be unable to resist. And shortly after uploading them to his profile, it seemed to work, as by the next morning, I had a response from a lovely woman named Jasmine, who seemed like she might be a good fit for Corey. And after telling her that a camera crew was following me because I was gonna be performing a death-defying wire walk, she instantly agreed to go on a date, which I set for the following night. My goal was to establish a relationship that Corey would ultimately take over. So I tried my best to portray a realistic but charming version of the man whose skin I was in.</i>

I just spend most of my time in Ventura.

You know?

Really?

Not the greatest place.

But it's kind of hard to talk about myself with a goddess sitting right in front of me.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, sorry.

Is that a bit cheesy, or...

No, it's actually really sweet.

Nobody's ever called me that before.

<i>I was immediately surprised at how well the date was going, as in these situations, I'm usually a lot more nervous.</i>

Back in high school, I was actually on the debate team.

Wow.

Yep.

So what's it like to debate with you, then?

Um, I'm pretty good.

I bet you're a pretty good arguer.

Yeah, I'm pretty good at debating.

Should we try to debate something now?

Or-- I don't know.

Just a silly joke.

We don't have to do that.

<i>And ten minutes in, not only were Corey and Jasmine hitting it off...</i>

So have you actually tried walking across a building yet?

No.

Wow.

Yeah.

It's gonna be nerve-racking.

<i>They also had a lot in common.</i>

Do you play "Sims" at all?

I do, yes.

Yeah, so do I.

It's my go-to pleasure.

Oh, yes.

It's a guilty pleasure for me.

I love "Sims."

Yeah.

Cool beans.

I like that expression.

<i>After a fun night of conversation, it was time to wrap things up. But before leaving, I wanted to make it clear to Jasmine just how serious about her Corey was.</i>

I hope it's not too forward to ask, but, uh...

Can I ask your permission to kiss you?

Oh, sure.

<i>But it wasn't gonna happen now, because I told her I wanted our first kiss to be special.</i>

I was thinking we can do it right when I step off that wire.

That'd be cool.

Yeah.

[chuckling] Okay.

<i>With Jasmine consenting to a kiss, I was one step closer to getting Corey a real relationship. But after she left, I found myself strangely surprised by my own confidence. There was something about being in another person's skin that made all my social anxiety vanish. And I didn't feel ready to call it a night just yet.</i>

My friend Maureen is from Boston.

Boston?

[Boston accent Oh, hi, I'm from Boston.

I love Ben Affleck.

[laughter]

<i>I was able to charm complete strangers. It was a side of me I had never seen before.</i>

Thank you, bother.

Yeah, of course, anytime.

What's your name?

Corey.

Do you guys like dancing?
<i>It was nice, for once, to have a night away from all my insecurities. And as it came to an end, I actually felt a bit sad, knowing that I'd soon have to go back to being me. With the day of the wire walk fast approaching, I had Corey's grandparents brought to Los Angeles to witness the big event. So far, they had been kept completely in the dark about everything. But shortly after their arrival, I began receiving some troubling messages on Corey's phone.

We haven't heard from you in a few days, honey. Is everything okay? We're getting concerned.

His grandparents had found out about the wire walk from one of the newspaper ads we were running and became so concerned that they insisted on seeing their grandson in person. This was a big problem. I knew my Corey disguise and impression were good, but to fool his own family would take some additional effort. So I sent our sound guy out to the Mojave Desert and had him record Corey saying a specific series of phrases that I had written.</i>

Yeah, sure. Don't worry.

Everything's going to be okay.

<i>Corey had no idea why we needed this, but I was able to use these audio clips to create a digital soundboard that would allow me to have any conversation I wanted in his actual voice.

I agree.

I then arranged to meet Corey's grandparents at their hotel. But since I didn't want them to see me up close, I hired an actress to pose as a hotel manager and inform them that no one was allowed in or out.</i>

We just have a suspicious man on the loose.

We're checking it out right now.

So please just stay in your room.

<i>Then I texted them from across the street, telling them to go out on their balcony. Now I just had to pray that this would work.

Hi, Grandma. Hi, Grandpa.</i>

Corey!

There he is!

Hi!

Hey, Corey!

<i>It's so great to see you.</i>

It's great to see you.

It's good to be here.

<i>The hotel was all blocked in. They won't let me inside. We'll have to talk like this.</i>

You okay?

<i>Yes. Just don't worry about me. I've been training hard, and I'll be totally safe.</i>

You better be!

<i>Yes. I need to go now.</i>

Okay.

<i>But just know I'm safe and feeling great. I'll see you both at the big event.</i>

We love you!

Love you, Corey.

<i>Yes.</i>

Bye!

<i>It worked like a charm. And Corey's grandparents didn't suspect a thing.</i>

Is he in that van over there?

<i>I can't tell.

I think so.

And once we were out of sight, I had the fake manager defuse the situation.</i>

The gunman has been k*lled.

And you are free now to go around the hotel as freely as you'd like--

He--someone was k*lled in the hotel?

<i>With Corey's grandparents put at ease, I could now refocus on getting in some last-minute practice, working privately with aerial arts expert Richie Gaona. But what I didn't expect was the psychological shock to my system when we increased the height of my training wire. My brain just wouldn't allow me to take a single step. And I became seriously concerned that once I was up on that rooftop, my body might completely shut down. But with my team already under way constructing the rigging for the wire walk, there was no turning back now.

The day had finally arrived for Corey to be transformed into a hero in front of the eyes of the nation. So early that morning, I sent my crew to retrieve him from the desert...</i>

Come with us.

<i>And covertly transport him into the city. Meanwhile, on the rooftop, a team of experts rigged a 3/4 inch steel wire that would be my only support as I attempted to walk across the terrifying 80-foot drop. And with the final preparations under way, news outlets were already arriving on site, And a crowd of spectators began to gather below. My plan was to cross from the north to south rooftop, where a secret switch would take place, and the real Corey would emerge for his kiss with Jasmine. It had been a week since she last saw me up close, so my hope was that once I switched with Corey, any minor discrepancies in our appearance would go unnoticed. So with Jasmine now in position on the rooftop and Corey's grandparents looking on below, I had Corey brought from the van into a holding area downstairs. And once he was changed into his wire walking suite, it was time to bring him up to speed.</i>

Take off your hood.

Hey.

Hey.

How are you?

Uh... I'm doing good.

A little confused at what's going on right now, but, uh--

It's me--Nathan.

Yeah.

You knew?

Yeah.

I could kind of recognize your voice under there, but, yeah.

<i>Time was of the essence. So I quickly explained to Corey my plan for the big wire walk event.</i>

So that's what we're gonna do right now, is, we're-- you're gonna do that, and then we'll pretend it's me who did it?

Yes.

Corey, are you ready to be a hero?

Uh...

I guess we have it all set up, so kind of got to do it now.

Um...

<i>With Corey on board, I updated him on everything I had done with his life while he was away.</i>

This is your girlfriend.

Jasmine.

She's already consented to kissing you.

Okay?

Okay.

And I would avoid using too much tongue.

Yeah, I'm probably gonna use none.

Yeah, just like--

Okay.

Just wanted to make sure.

Just kiss.

Okay, good.

<i>Now I just had to get him to the rooftop without being seen.</i>

So to get you up there, I'm gonna put you in this bag.

Oh, okay.

<i>I told Corey that after his kiss with Jasmine, he would deliver a pre-written speech and then present a check to a breast cancer charity, which would cement him as a hero. So with everyone in place, it was time for the event to begin.</i>

[crowd cheering]

<i>Come on, Corey.

[dramatic music] ♪</i>

[crowd cheering]

<i>♪

It was the most thrilling moment of my life. And even though the plan was to only cross once, I wasn't ready to stop being Corey just yet.

[dramatic music] ♪</i>

[crowd cheering]

<i>I crossed the wire five more times, and I could've kept going. But I knew I had a promise to keep. So it was time for me to enter the tent and give Corey his life back.</i>

All right. You take it from here, okay?

All right, okay.

Okay.

Hey.

Oh, my God, I'm so proud of you.

That was crazy--did you hear everybody cheering for you?

Yeah.

How was it?

It was pretty crazy.

It's really good to see you, Jasmine.

It's good to see you too.

Wow, my gosh, I'm so proud of you.

That was crazy. You did it so many times.

You kept going back and forth.

[sighs]

It's really hot.

Yeah.

Um...

Want to-- you want to kiss now?

Definitely.

Okay.

[both giggling]

Oh, you got soft lips.

Thank you. [giggles]

Okay, let me--

I need to go do that.

Okay.

[laughs]

Oh. All right.

[crowd cheering, clapping]

[laughs]

So...

What a moment.

Thank you, everyone, for supporting me, as I walked the wire to inspire you and raise awareness for breast cancer.

[crowd cheering]

I'd also-- [laughs] Oh... I'd also like to thank my beautiful girlfriend, Jasmine, for giving me the courage to do this.

She's my rock.

[laughs]

Oh...

Jasmine, I love you.

[chuckles] What?

I am living proof that anyone can become a hero.

Never stop dreaming.

Thank you.

[crowd cheering, clapping]

[cheers and applause]

[police siren wailing]

[sighs]

Well, that was exciting.

Yeah, I'm, uh...

Definitely ready to be down lower to the ground.

Yeah.

<i>[instrumental music] ♪</i>

[crowd cheering]

[crowd chanting "Corey"]

<i>[indistinct chatter]</i>

[crowd cheering]

Thank you.

<i>Quite a sight this afternoon in downtown L.A. Amateur tightrope walker Corey Calderwood of Ventura calmly strolled from rooftop to rooftop 80 feet above the pavement.</i>

Oh, it's good to see you.

It's good to see you.

Corey, I can't believe--

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it.

Don't you ever do that again.

<i>[indistinct chatter]

I can't believe it. I cannot believe it. I can't believe it.</i>

It's like muscle memory instinct, and my mind just was blank.

It was just like...

Getting it done.

It was just a big rush of adrenaline.

<i>And I feel like there was no real thoughts going in my head; it was just, like, doing it.

Calderwood says he did this stunt to raise awareness for Metavivor, a national organization that funds breast cancer research. So bravo to him. - Wow.</i>

That's great, son.

Grandma, Grandpa, this is Jasmine.

Hello.

Jasmine!

How are you?

I'm fine. How are you?

Hi, Jasmine, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you guys too.

I'm so proud of your grandson.

Well...

He's incredible.

We're proud of him too.

Yes.

You did something that I never, ever thought would be possible from you.

Now, are you... what happens now?

<i>[instrumental music] ♪</i>

Anytime somebody does anything like life-risking for a good cause, I'm all for that.

Raising awareness for cancer, that's awesome.

So many people struggle with that these days.

Well, I thought he was very brave.

And, I mean, for a cause. It was breast cancer, right?

Yeah, that's good.
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