01x04 - Brujo

[bunniefuu]

This book... is a gateway to hell.

Can you, uh, cr*ck open the undo spell?

It's probably somewhere near the back.

[Both yelling]

I'm a f*cking cop!

Eligos!

[Roaring]

Oh, sh*t! Nobody move!

We're just a little busy here.

[Eligos hisses]

[Ash yells]

My uncle is a shaman, we called him El Brujo.

[Yelling]

He would say that only one man would rise to stand against it.

[Growling]

[Yelling]

Go back to hell!

[Yelling]

[Grunts]

Come on.

What?

What'd you do with the cop?

[Heavy breathing]

[Growling, roaring]

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Fisher yelling]

[Deadite Lionel growling]

[Fisher choking]

[In deep voice] Looks like you get to k*ll another cop after all.

Hello.

[Fisher sighs]

[Fisher grunts]

[Both grunting]

[Glass shattering]

[Both yelling]

[Deadite Lionel grunting]

[Panting] Who the hell are you?

I'm your new best friend.

[Deadite Lionel roaring]

[Ruby chuckling]

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Sighing]

[Groaning]

Hey.

Hey Kel, you don't look too hot.

You good?

Pull over. Now.

[Retching, coughing]

Ah, make sure you project it.

Don't mess up the clear coat.

That's it. Just get it all out.

Um. [Coughing continues]

Uh, I think that we should take you to the hospital.

Pfft, please.

I got a tiny concussion back there, okay?

I'll be fine. It'll pass.

Drive, Miss Daisy.

Yes, sir.

[Tires squealing]

Pablo, music.

[Folk music playing]

[Sighing]

Well folks, we're eatin' a real sh*t sandwich now.

Pablo, I hope your weird Brujo uncle can help us out, 'cause me no likey bein' responsible for everything bad.

Yeah, me no... likey that either.

Ah, we're close.

[Suspenseful music playing]

[growling]

[Growling]

[Feedback sounding on radio]

Whoa, what's up with your radio?

Nothin', like any high quality automobile, you just have to hit the dash a few times.

Damn. [Panting]

God damn it.

[Beeping, clicking]

What is happening?

Oh, it's all good Kelly.

You just relax.

Get out of there!

This is my car!

[Growling continues]

Twelve more payments and she's mine!

[Door locks clicking]

[Gasps]

Oh dip.

We got a drafter.

Hang on.

[Snarling]

[Yelling, heavy breathing]

[Banging]

[yelling continues]

[Tires screeching]

Oh, sh*t! Look out!

[Screaming]

[horn honking]

Ah, whoa!

[Tires screeching]

[Kelly gasping]

Oh! Jesus, Ash!

Do something!

Oh, I'm gonna do somethin' all right.

[Hissing]

What are you doin'?

Pablo, hit that switch.

What? What is it?

It's nitrous. What?!

Have you ever used this before?

Not yet. Hit it!

[Panting] Here we go.

[Beeps]

[tires screeching]

[Screaming]

[growling]

[laughing maniacally]

Suck on that bitch!

[Rattling]

What's happening?

Give it more gas! Give it more gas!

That's all the gas I got!

[Growling continues]

Don't forget we're haulin' a small house behind us.

[Rattling continues]

Aw, crap!

The old bird is breakin' down!

Hang on. We're next.

[Banging]

[screaming]

[Growling]

[tires squealing]

Keep her going! Keep her going!

The Brujo's property's coming up!

Come on, baby! Come on, baby!

Turn right! Turn right!

[Growling, panting]

[Gasps]

[eerie music playing]

[Grunts]

KELLY: Is it gone?

Where is it?

The Brujo keeps talismans on his property to help combat dark forces.

We should be good here.

That's the same thing that tried to k*ll us at Value Stop.

What the hell is it? What the hell is it?

It is hell.

It's Pure Evil.

Great.

Yeah and it's not gonna stop, until we put it right back where it came from.

[groans, winces]

Ruby: Demonic spirit enters a body and... they become that.

Which happened to my partner.

Yeah, I wanted to tell you that day in the diner, but you weren't ready to believe me.

Weren't ready to believe yourself.

No, I wasn't, but I do now.

You know this guy we're both searching for, Ash, he's behind all of this.

30 years ago, at my parents' cabin in the woods, he k*lled my mom, and my dad, and my sister Annie, letting loose these horrible things.

[growling] Jesus.

And ever since then, I've been looking for vengeance.

[Eerie music playing]

He disappeared for a long time.

I thought he was gone.

[Deadite Lionel roaring]

[Fisher yells]

[Bones cracking]

[In deep voice] You!

We know who you are!

You are... [Ruby grunts]

[Gasping, panting]

You know you and I both want the same thing.

Ash Williams.

Maybe we could help each other out?

[Fisher sighing]

All right.

Let's get this m*therf*cker.

Deadite Lionel: m*therf*cker!

m*therf*cker! [Laughing maniacally]

[Birds chirping]

[suspenseful music playing]

[Chickens clucking]

[Indistinct whispering]

[crows cawing]

Well, your uncle has some freaky taste in artwork.

I can see why you left.

The Brujo thought I was a fool for leaving.

He said that I was turnin' my back on my heritage.

Now I think maybe I did.

I was just tryin' to find myself outside of this place.

You know I wanted to do great things, but instead I ended up working at the Value Stop.

Hey, hey, you were in the electronics department.

That's the big time.

Pablo?

Hola Tío, bendición.

I've been expecting you.

Have you?

Two days ago, an ill-wind whispered your name.

Curious how you abandon your faith, but come back for him.

Ash Williams.

Go easy on him, he's a good kid.

Go easy?

Pablo has always taken the easy road.

Mira Tío, perdóname.

Okay, you got every right to be upset at me.

I completely dismissed everything that you did here, but I was so wrong, and I know that now.

Do you?

When I was a kid, you told me tales of great heroes who fought against the darkness.

Jefes.

I think that Ash is one of them.

"When Evil shows up, it blows up."

Still workin' on the slogan.

I actually kind of like it.

Come closer.

[Ash inhales]

Closer! Oh, Jesus.

The flame is dim, but it flickers.

All right. Nice.

No.

It's not bright enough to illuminate what you seek.

Brujo: You're weak, lazy, selfish, forgetful,

[indistinct whispering]

foul-mouthed, and sometimes

[wailing, high-pitched ring]

you sh*t...

[wincing]

Plus you're slow.

Old.

You have lost a step.

Hey, ah, Brujo, thanks for the opinion, appreciate it.

Now you can take it, turn it sideways, shove it right up the old poop chute.

[Panting]

[whispering continues]

You gonna help us or not?

Por favor, Tío.

[speaking softly] We need you.

[High-pitched ringing]

[Woman screaming]

[gasping, panting]

You okay?

I need an Advil. Like, right now.

The girl's unwell.

Tend to her.

Come, I'll look inside of you.

Good, check the old prostate while you're in there?

[Ash chuckling]

Ah, boy, that one's just a barrel of laughs, isn't he?

[Eerie music playing]

[indistinct whispering]

Man's voice: Santo padre usted lo ve todo.

Speak what you know, while knowing that you know nothing.

Okay.

I know that I summoned something very bad, and I'm lookin' to undo whatever I done did.

You, uh, making dinner there, muchacho?

Ash, you're a dolt.

Is that good?

Only because you have no idea what power you truly possess.

Many underestimate you, don't they?

Well, at first, yeah, but then they either end up in my bed, or dead.

[Ash chuckles nervously]

Total lack of self-awareness will make very difficult to find the answers you seek, but we must try.

Buena, buena, medicina.

Buena, buena, luz divina.

Drink.

What's your poison?

This will help you look into those places where answers might hide.

It's called ayahuasca.

Ayahuasca? [Laughing]

You want me to take an acid trip?

It's hallucinogenic medicine.

Not a drug trip.

Oh, yeah. Sure, sure.

Is it free?

[Inhales]

Buena, buena, medicina.

[whispering]

Buena, buena, luz divina...

Okay, here's mud in your eye.

Medicina, buena, buena, luz divina.

Buena, buena, medicina. Buena, buena, luz divina.

[Ash gasping]

Buena, buena, medicina.

Buena, buena...

[whispering continues]

[In hoarse voice] Smooth.

[Ash whistles]

[Door opens]

Pablo: Okay, so, I ran to the storage shed, and I found somethin' to take your mind off how crappy your head feels.

Check it out, bam!

I don't really think this is the time for video games.

Don't worry, we are not gonna be playing.

We're gonna build Ash a new hand.

[laughing]

Surprise him!

[Horns honking]

Maybe I can call in a favor at the precinct, check records if there's any amputees in the area.

I think I might have something a little more useful.

Why wood?

Can you even get this wet?

[Eerie music playing]

Oh, sh*t!

Is that...? His real hand.

Okay, it just, it just moved.

It's been still for almost 30 years.

Just recently it started twitching.

I think it's tryin' to find its master.

[speaking softly] So we stand a very good chance of ending this thing.

Well, I gotta say boss, I'm feelin' a bunch of nada here.

I mean I had like three bagels for breakfast, so maybe the bread is soakin' everything up?

How 'bout one more cup?

Focus.

The medicine can open your mind, but it can also destroy it.

Trapped in your own personal hell for eternity.

Okay, so maybe a half a cup?

Shh.

Enough talking.

[Eerie music playing]

[ Brujo inhaling]

[ Brujo exhaling]

[Ash coughing]

Buena, buena, medicina, buena, buena, luz divina.

Or maybe you could just give me a little root-toot-toot of what you're smokin' there, chief?

Buena, buena, medicina, buena, buena, luz divina.

Buena, buena, medicina, buena, buena, luz divina.

Buena, buena, medicina, buena, buena, luz divina.

[voice echoing]

Buena, buena, medicina, buena, buena, luz divina.

Buena, buena, medicina, buena, buena, luz divina.

Buena, buena, medicina, Oh, boy. Buena, buena, luz divina.

Buena, buena, medicina, Uh, hey bud, you got a little... buena, buena, luz divina.

Buena, buena, medicina. Oh, bud, you got, you got a little, a little buena, buena, luz divina.

Somethin' rollin' around in there.

Buena, buena...

[laughing]

What is that? Buena, buena, luz divina.

Oh, yeah. Buena, buena, medicina.

Why do you have an eyeball in your mouth?

Buena, buena, medicina.

Buena, buena, luz divina...

Don't, no, no, don't.

Oh, no, you... medicina, buena...

Don't eat the eyeball, Brujo.

[yelling]

Well I'll be...

[groaning]

[ "I Dream Of Jeannie" playing]

[screeching]

[ "Charlie's Angels Theme" playing]

[Groaning continues]

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Screaming]

[screeching]

[meowing]

Oh.

Just say no. [Groaning continues]

Ash: Hey yeah, baby.

Ayahuasca!

[grunting, spitting]

[Maniacal laughter]

[Gasping] Where the hell am I?

I'm blind!

I can't see, my eyes! They won't open!

Voice of Brujo: Ash... the key to look inside yourself is to see without sight.

[chuckling] Oh, yeah.

Easy for you!

Voice of Ash: After all, I'm a man, and you're a woman. VOICE OF LINDA: Ah, sure.

Voice of ash: So what do you think, kid?

[Ash grunts]

Voice of Linda: I love it Ash.

Who's here?

[laughter, screaming echoing]

I feel funny about being here.

Where are you?

Voice of Ash: Champagne...

Oh, oh, who's there?

[Indistinct chatter]

Don't touch me! [Laughter continues]

What's happening?!

Let go of me!

Okay, time for the trip to be over!

Go back to Kansas!

Voice of Brujo: Ash, control yourself.

Stop being a bitch, and act like a Jefe.

You're-you're bein' a bitch, dude!

How you survive up to this point in your life?

What?

Something is attacking you, what do you do?

You-you sh**t first, and think later, or don't think at all.

Yeah, "sh**t first, think never."

Then do that.

Just be.

Exist inside yourself.

Man's voice: Free your mind, and your ass will follow.

[groaning]

VOICES: The kingdom of heaven is within!

Oh, sh*t!

What the hell are they?

Free your mind and your ass will follow!

Back off!

Yeah, that's right.

Back off or I'll shove this chainsaw, so far down your throats you'll be shittin' bumper spikes till Christmas!

Voice of Brujo: Good. Free your mind!

Now you're taking control of your journey.

Your ass will follow. Follow that to a safe place.

[chatter, music playing] Follow, how?

It's your trip, Ash.

Yeah, it is.

[seagulls screeching]

Sweet shithouse mouse. Is that...?

Voice of Brujo: Your spiritual center, Ash. The place that makes you most happy.

Jacksonville, Florida, it's everything I ever dreamed of.

Well, sure.

So tell me Ash, what's so special about this place?

Oh, uh, well, actually, I've never been.

See I booked this vacation there about 30 years ago, but then I took a girl up to a cabin, and my life has never been the same since.

Oh. What could have been.

It is here that you will find your answer.

Thank God, 'cause I...

Whoa, I got two hands!

Brujo, I need two beers!

This is so dope.

Look how tight that looks.

This is comin' along so nicely, I think I'm gonna add a couple more useful items, like a, uh, screwdriver, and a, uh, and a laser pointer.

Yeah. Maybe a spray nozzle, for whatever hair dye he thinks he's foolin' us with.

Have you seen his pillow case?

It's totally black.

It's like his head is made of coal.

Or ashes?

[laughter]

[Suspenseful music playing] Ow!

Are you okay?

[Kelly gasping]

I'm fine, I'll be right back.

[Panting]

[Whimpering]

What the f*ck is happening to me?

Oh God...

[Kelly retching]

Kel?

Hey, is, uh, everything all right in there?

Kel?

[Exhales]

Kelly, are you good?

Hello?

Um...

[growling]

Hello?

[Clears throat]

[Whispering] Kelly, are you okay?

Hey, Kel, if you don't answer, I'm gonna have to come in.

Whoo! Jesus Christ!

f*ck!

You scared the sh*t out of me.

Are you all right?

Yes, I feel much better.

Yeah, you look much better too.

Um, ah, not that you looked bad, uh, before, just, ah, worse than now, in a, you know, kind of, sick girl kinda way.

Not like an ugly girl.

Anyway you know what I mean, you just um... much improved.

[Inaudible]

Ah, okay. Speaking of improved, I think I just figured out my light source...

[suspenseful music playing]

Or I just need a new battery.

I need some more juice.

I got it.

Thanks.

[Whispers] Okay.

[Clears throat]

[Grunts]

[Yells, groaning]

[Singer vocalizing]

Here's where you find what you seek, Ash.

Ah, that's great.

Hey listen, if it's cool, I just wanna sit here and enjoy this place for a while.

I've always wanted to spend time in "the city so nice, they named it Jacksonville."

Eli: Stop screwin' around and pay attention.

You're about to discover how to undo all this.

Eli! You can speak?!

In here I can.

It's your trip, Jefe.

Nice, you know I've always wanted to talk to you.

Uh, just don't mention the stuff I do in the trailer when we're there alone.

Never.

[Chuckling] All right then.

Hey, grow a hand, grab a beer, time to drink!

[Suspenseful music playing]

Ah, where's the beer, and what the hell is this doin' here?

It's the answer you've been seeking.

You have to bury it deep, deep, below the place where your journey began.

Oh yeah, I'm gonna take advice from a talking lizard.

Hey Brujo, wh...?

Brujo?

Man, you're steppin' on my buzz!

Eli, quick question.

Are you a guy or a girl?

Kelly: Brujo, Brujo!

Hurry, help! What?

It's Pablo! I-I think he got electrocuted.

I don't know, uh, but please, he needs your help! Okay, okay.

Ash is in a good place. Just watch him.

I'll be right back. Okay?

[Eerie music playing]

[Indistinct whispering]

Woman's voice: Mentirosa.

[growling, snarling]

[Growling]

[Gasping]

The f*ck?

f*ck, this isn't Jacksonville.

[Growling]

Who the hell is that?

Oh, dripping donkey balls!

Come on, man! This is my trip!

The hell are you doin' in here?!

[In deep voice] I'm in your mind now.

[Buzzing]

[Ash gasping]

[Roaring]

Eli: Get him out, Ash, or you'll be stuck in this nightmare forever!

[Eligos roaring]

[Ash screaming]

Jeez! What the f*ck?!

[Eligos roaring]

[Ash yells, gasps]

Hey, I'm not a stock man anymore.

I'm not gonna clean that up you know.

[Eligos roaring]

[Ash gasps]

Oh, oh, hey. You better stop.

These jars are breaking you know.

Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no!

[Screaming]

[wind howling]

[Grunting]

[Eerie music playing]

[In high-pitched voice] Hello, Ash.

Oh, no.

Not you again.

[Roaring]

[Ash screaming]

Get out of my mind, will ya?!

Too late!

This is how you die!

[Eligos snarling]

[Ash yelling]

End the nightmare now, or he will take full control of your mind!

Oh, what do you know?

You got a brain the size of a pea.

He hasn't won yet.

It's still your trip, Ash.

Hey, yeah.

Thanks for the reminder.

[Snarling] Uh, whoa!

My house, my rules.

Lil' Lori gonna watch you die!

[Lil' Lori screaming]

Not today, doll face.

Lil' Lori gonna...!

[screaming continues]

[laughing]

Hey, how's that workin' for ya?

[Eligos groaning]

Yeah!

Who's f*ckin' with who now, huh?!

[Kelly gasping]

What's that?

Oh, you can't breathe?

Well that's the idea, d*ck wad!

[Ash grunting]

[Kelly screaming]

[In strained voice] Help!

Ash, stop, stop!

Ash, stop, please!

Brujo: Stop!

Ash!

[Pablo and Ash grunting]

Disembodied voice: Find the answer.

I'm sorry.

[Both gasping]

[eerie music playing]

[Growling]