01x01 - Lullaby

(London subway)

♪ Ooh ♪
♪ I feel love, I feel love ♪
♪ I feel love, I feel love ♪
♪ I feel love ♪
♪ I feel love, I feel love, I feel love ♪

Danny (on phone): Hey, guys. Erm, I was just... wanted to see if you were still up. But...

Alex: Are you OK?

Danny: Me? I'm fine. You don't know me, but if you did, you'd know I'm always fine. What about your drink?

Alex: You can keep it.

(Theme music and title scene)

Female automated voice: Destination reached. Scanning successful.

I'll shave his hand?

I'll shake his hand.

Shake his hand! Shake his hand.

Danny: Hello! Hi.

I'll sha-... I'll sha-...

Sara: No... No... No... No... No... Oh, no.

Danny: I'm gonna stay in tonight.

Sara: You don't feel so good?

Danny: I'm fine.

(Alarm beeping)

Danny: I wanted to say thank you. Which I didn't get to say... last time. I've just had a... a hunch. Sometimes you have to take a chance, right? Otherwise, how do you know? Heh-heh. Obviously I got this wrong. Oh sorry. Heh-heh. My name's Danny.

Alex: My name is Joe.

Danny: So Joe, are you... Are... Heh-heh. I've run out of questions. Erm...

Alex: Ask me. Please.

Danny: Are you out?

Alex: No. If you want to go, I can understand that reaction.

Danny: I don't want to go.

Alex: I work for an investment bank. It's their appartment. Security is a concern. There's a terrace... If you want to smoke, I mean. I'm going to take a shower.

Danny: I'll let you get dressed.

Alex: I can pay.

Danny: No, it's fine, I'm... I must be easy to read.

Alex: You are.

Danny: Is that bad?

Alex: Makes a change. The people I work with... are inscrutable.

Danny: I can be inscrutable.

Alex: Did you look through my clothes?

(Danny laughs)

Alex: See you.

Scottie: Has he rung?

Danny: He will.

Scottie: A week?

Danny: I've never been more certain of anything in my life.

Scottie: Why?

Danny: Because... that can't be it. There's more. There has to be.

Scottie: You love falling in love. The moment when it's all possibilities and dreams.

Danny: You think he's out of my league?

Scottie: The thought never crossed my mind.

Danny: Where are we going to drink tonight?

Scottie: Somewhere dimly lit and terribly old-fashioned.

Danny: So we're on the doorstep, saying goodbye and I'm trying to give him Pavel's nymber, because I don't have a phone... except he doesn't write it down! And I'm like... "If you don't want to... If you don't want see me again..." And then he says, "numbers Danny, I have no problem with," like he could remeber every phone number in the world... and then... we shook hands! If you'd have told me a week ago I'd be this happy with a handshake at the end of a date... I'm sorry, I will stop talking about him now.

Scottie: It's alright. I understand.

Danny: It's just the feeling, you know? Not being able to think about anyone else.

Scottie: Yeah, (chuckles) I know the feeling.

Danny: Yeah, of course.

(knock at door)

Alex: Otherwise, how do you know?

Danny: So at some point you're going to talk about yourself, right? Not your work, I understand. That's, eh, secret but, erm, the other stuff?

Alex: Why?

Danny: (laughs) Isn't that what you do when you meet someone? I tell you stuff. You tell me stuff.

Alex: This is us.

Danny: So grown-up. You drink tea out of a thermos, and you go for... country walks. I must seem young... compared to the people you work with.

Alex: You do.

Danny: You're not joking, are you?

Alex: I started university when I was 15.

Danny: So you never... messed around?

Alex: In what sense?

Danny: Any sense.

Alex: I've been serious for a very long time.

Danny: What made you change your mind? About me?

Alex: I wondered what it would be like to do these walks with someone.

Danny: I was worried that you were going to say it was cos I made you laugh.

Alex: I don't think you've ever made me laugh. It's not that you won't...

Danny: I understand.

Alex: I'm sure you will...

Danny: I understand. So you turn up, on my doorstep... Which is wonderful! .. Except I never told you where I live... and I was wondering - and I should say in advance that I don't mind - but... Did you carry out some kind of background check on me?

Alex: The way we met was unusual.

Danny: Right. So... You thought... Stranger! Seduction! Not that, erm, I'm presuming you were seduced by me. That's, erm... process ongoing... Erm, what was I saying? Erm, yeah, so you thought, our meeting was part of... A set-up? It's fine. It's fun. I just... I thought you said I was easy to read?

Alex: That would have been the reason you were selected... The appearance of innocence.

Danny: I'm not innocent.

Alex: You might be the only innocent person I know.

Danny: Can you tell me what your real name is now?

Alex: (nods) My name is Alex.

Danny: I'd like you to come up... if you want, obviously. And if you don't want, that's cool. I didn't mean to say cool! You want to? But...

Alex: It's a little fast.

Danny: Well, maybe next time. You've gotta stop shakin' my hand.

Alex: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Danny: Ok.

Danny: f*ck!

Danny: It's normally tidier than this... It's never tidier than this.

Alex: Had you guessed?

Danny: Mmmm. I'd guessed you hadn't slept with guys before. I thought maybe you'd slept with a couple of women. Can I ask you a question?

Alex: Mmmm.

Danny: What's stopped you? You don't have to answer.

Alex: How do you admit to someone you've never been in a relationship? Who wants to hear? And when they do, who wants to stay?

Danny: I do.

Alex: At school I was old. At university I was young. I've always been... like a step to people around me. In the end, I left it so late... I gave up. I told myself I was all about the mind. And people find me odd. It grated on me. I could see it in their eyes. Rather than change, I started playing the role, more and more. I didn't need anyone. That's what I told myself: "I didn't want anyone."

Danny: Did you imagine you'd spend the rest of your life alone?

Alex: Yes.

Danny: I can't begin to understand what that must feel like.

Alex: You always knew you would find someone?

Danny: Always.

Alex: I can't imagine... ??? I'd like to try again.

Danny: We don't have to.

Alex: You don't want...?

Danny: We can wait.

Alex: I've waited long enough.

Alex: Drugs?

Danny: I've been using them to make me believe the s*x was special. That the person I was with was special. But... I'd like to know what it feels like for real. Because I bet it's the best feeling in the world.

Alex: Will you stop worrying about me?

Danny: Will you stop worrying about ME?

Danny: You saw me. What I mean is, you saw ME. And you asked if I was OK. And not like most people ask it. Like they've... asked it a hundred times already, you asked it as if... Nothing else mattered to you. And I thought, how is it that this person, who I've never seen before... How are they the only person in the whole world that knows... That I'm not OK. And I was sure if I could just find out your name - I could just find out who you were - then everything would be OK.

Alex: What if everything isn't OK.

Danny: Then we tell each other. And we deal with it. Whatever it is, we... deal with it. Together!

Alex: (laughs)

Danny: Is there something you want to tell me?

Alex: No.

(Takeda Lullaby, Japanese folk song.)

Danny: You excited that you two are gonna meet? I should've organized it sooner.

Scottie: A month or two, I could understand. I'm not so old I can't remember what it's like to be smitten. But eight months ??? declare ??? while failing to introduce us feels wilful.

Danny: Sorry.

(song ends)

Danny: Scottie, this is Alex.

Scottie: Alex, tell me... What did you make of her? Too much? That doesn't surprise me. Danny's always preferred his men to be as straight as possible - a tedious form of self-loathing - that I've unsuccessfully tried to wean him off.

Danny: Scotty, I was telling Alex--

Scottie: I hope you told him this is where we first met? You must be wondering how an old queer like me ended up friends with a handsome young man like him? 19 years old, he walked through that door. As lost as a person could be. I saw him, in his tatty jeans, with his cropped hair, and his puppy dog eyes. I could guess his sad story, without hearing a word! I presumed, if I bought him a drink, there wouldn't be a single second, when he wasn't hoping for someone better to come along. What can I say? I'm a soft touch. So I bought him that drink... And to my surprise, he talked to me for the whole night. He didn't leave, even when others stalked him. A small gesture, but it meant a great deal, and we have been friends ever since. I'm the one he comes to when times are tough. And they often are. Poor Danny has a terrible track record for picking the wrong man. He's an insufferable romantic! One of the last. Does it fall to me to say... Don't break his heart?

Alex: I could never hurt Danny.

Scottie: May I ask - as someone who has been witness to the breaking of many a heart - how you can be so sure?

Alex: Because he is the only friend I have.

Scottie: I'm pleased for you. I'm pleased for both of you.

Danny: Had you two met before?

Alex: No.

Danny: You know Scotty asked if you knew how I became his friend?

Alex: You don't need to tell me. I love you.

Danny: And I need you to know. I was 19. Like he said. It was a bad time. I left home. I was doin' a lot of drugs. And one night... I was wired. Not happy. Not high. I was numb. And I posted an ad online... saying that anyone could come round. I mean anyone. My only condition was that they didn't speak. And people showed up. I didn't turn them away. I didn't ask anything of them. And they must have thought their luck was in, cos... They didn't make a sound. And the next day, I couldn't stop cryin'. And I went to see Scottie. I didn't... know him very well, I'd only met him a couple of times, but he was the only person I could trust. And he took me straight to the hospital... And I was put on a course of PEP, which is emergency medication. I was on the drugs for 28 days and Scotty looked after me. And 16 weeks later I had an HIV test... and I was clear! (cries) We were friends... (cries) I've never done anything like that again. I swear I was out of my mind. I'm always safe. Always! I don't know what happened to me that night. I look back; I don't recognize that person. And I've never cheated on you. I don't want to have any secrets from you. I never want to have any secrets ever again.

Danny: Let's go away for the weekend.

Alex: Sure. I have to buy a battery for my laptop. I can't go without replacing it.

Danny: I understand.

Danny: Has Alex called for me? Has Alex called?!

Scottie: How long?

Danny: (sighs) 11 days.

Scottie: What happened?

Danny: I told him--

Scottie: That you loved him?

Danny: .. how you and I became friends.

Scottie: That was a mistake!

Danny: Why didn't I shut my mouth?!

Scottie: Because you needed to know. Because you still love me.

Danny: I f*cked it up. I... I'd f*cked it up before I'd even met him.

Scottie: Have you tried everything? There is only one thing left to do: accept that it is over.

Danny: I can't.

Scottie: What other choice do you have? You'll get over it. Not quickly. Not completely. There's enough to carry on, trust me on that! But now, I am afraid, you'll have to excuse me. I have work to do.

Danny: You want me to leave?

Scottie: I'd never ask you to leave! Rest here. Sleep. Eat. But today, I can't play assistant to your personal life. Just out of curiosity... Did you ever wonder what I might want?

Danny: What YOU want? What do you want? Do you want this? Is this what you want?! What do I owe you? Five nights? Ten nights? Tell me! Scotty, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You should call the police?

Nothing was taken. We couldn't even give our stuff away.


Automated voice: System rebooting. Item for Danny Holt.


(steady tone)

Automated voice: Destination reached.

(Danny opens a box)

Danny: Alex? (closes door) Alex. Alex?

(Danny climbs into attic)

(Danny opens a trunk stood on its side and discovers a body)

Danny (on phone): Police, please.


Policeman (on intercom): Police. Can you open up please?

(banging on the door)

Open this door!

Step aside, sir.

Danny: His name's Alex. He's my partner. It's his apartment. He disappeared two weeks ago. Do you think it might not be him?

Tell me what you know about... Alex.

Danny: He's a genius. He went to university at the age of 15. He's got no family. His parents are dead. Em... He works for an investment bank. What else do you need to know?

Do you know... this man?

Danny: That's... This is Alex.

Your partner?

Danny: Yeah.

What kind of relationship did you have with him? Did it involve sadism? Drugs?

Danny: No.

You see? It's hard for me to believe you were in a serious relationship... when you don't even know his name. This man is called Alistair. His parents are alive. He did not work for a bank. Is it possible... you enjoyed extreme sexual encounters with someone who didn't want you to know their name? Is it possible?

Scottie: This will stop. Right now.

Danny: He lied. About everything.

Scottie: When you introduced us...

Danny: You knew?

Scottie: Not exactly. Our paths had never crossed. But... I recognize the type. I see them in the corridors of Whitehall. People with power, secrets. Their importnce emanates from them. I felt it. He worked for MI6. He was a spy.

Scottie: Er, Danny? The police were concerned you might've taken something from the crime scene. A personal item? Something of sentimental value? You wouldn't have done that, would you?

Danny: Course not.

Scottie: No. Course not.